Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter is of course based off of the second night mission. I do not own South Park, let's read!
"Night falls upon the town like a fat slimy turd. The stink of greed, corruption and crime rises from gutters and fills the street. Only one thing can deal with fat turds. Coon and Friends. #fuckFreedomPals."
The alarm I had set for tonight's mission buzzed underneath my pillow, waking me up and making me groan with weariness. I reluctantly took my phone out and stopped the alarm, then got out of bed and put my glasses on before spinning in place and changing back into my costume. With that done, I went to look into my parents' keyhole, but it was blocked again, and I wondered if Mom had kicked Dad out of the bedroom again.
My question was answered when I walked downstairs and saw that Dad had left another mess in the living room. I found him in the kitchen lying down in a puddle of water, muttering about running from someone. I face-palmed at the sight of him passed out next to the open fridge, then closed it and took the copper key for the gigantic chains he had apparently installed on the door. I then shot down the gold key from the same place it had been last night and used TimeFart Pause to evade an electrified puddle and get the silver key.
I then unplugged the lamp that was creating the hazard and used the three keys to unlock Dad's padlocks, shot the chain and the latch to open them, and didn't bother with the plank he had nailed to the doorframe since our door opened outward. When I walked outside, I heard a rustling sound next to me, and turned to see that Toolshed had just jumped out of one of our bushes. He took a few dramatic poses before he told me, "So… We meet again, New Kid."
I stared at him blankly for a moment as he walked up to me and said, "I have to put our petty differences aside. There's something happening to this city and it needs Toolshed. Well, follow me to Professor Chaos' lair." I nodded and followed him down the street as I thought to myself, 'So we really are going to be facing Professor Chaos. Well, I'm ready for him.'
As we walked, Toolshed explained to me, "You'll probably wanna know about my superhero backstory… You see, when I was just a child my father was in the garage, working on a project. There was a huge storm and lightning blew my father off his workbench. I ran to help him, but at that moment, another blast somehow fused his power tools onto my body. I became a superhero, while my father was left mentally impaired."
We neared Stan's house as he finished his story, and once we reached it we saw Randy keying Sharon's car again. "There ya go you fuckin' bitch! Why don't you – Why don't you just… just take a shit in your face! Take this you dumb whore!" He slurred out. Suddenly, Sharon appeared in the window and sternly told him, "Randy, get in here right now and stop keying my car." "OK." Was his response, and he stumbled back inside as he took a swig of his beer.
Toolshed then turned to me and told me, "But this is different. My father is acting even stupider than ever before." We then started walking again, and Toolshed narrated, "Perhaps Toolshed wants to help his father because he feels he could have saved him all those years ago." We then passed Kyle's house, where a couple was making out, and came to SoDoSoPa, AKA Kenny's house. I gazed over at the abandoned structures built on and around Kenny's house and sighed.
Even though Kenny's parents had improved their lives, and their house to some degree, since the Stick of Truth game, the city still decided to build all of this shit around their house and then just abandon it. Still, it looked like it was being taken care of, as I saw some construction materials lying around and some areas that looked like the McCormicks were trying to incorporate into their home along with some that they looked to be trying to take down.
I was wondering what we were doing here when Toolshed asked me, "What is your backstory? Did something happen with your parents too?" "Coon keeps changing it. Right now it's something with an alien and my parents having sex or something." I replied to him in my default soft voice. Toolshed shrugged and told me, "Okay… Well come on, we've got to get to the U-Stor-It."
With that, we walked up to the front window and Toolshed used a thin wire to unlock it as he told me, "This is the home of Mysterion. He has a shortcut to the north part of town." We then went inside Kenny's house, and I took a look around. It had improved vastly since my last visit, and although there were still a few odd stains on the floor, there was no garbage piled around and all of their furniture had been repaired or replaced, and their walls had all been patched up. Toolshed then went down the hall to the bedrooms, and I stopped to relock the window before I followed him.
When we got to the hallway where all the bedrooms were located, I heard Mrs. McCormick shout, "DAMN IT, STUART, WHERE THE HELL IS THE GODDAMN METH?! I SWEAR TO YOU I'LL FIND IT AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS WHEN I DO!" I sighed at hearing this, and Mr. McCormick replied, "There is no meth, Carol, I told you I threw it all out a month ago!"
"DON'T YOU LIE TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH! I NEED IT NOW! YOU HEAR ME?!" Carol screamed, and I heard Stuart sigh as well before telling his wife, "Okay Carol, I'll go get you the meth, but here, why don't you have a glass of nice warm milk first." "Well, alright, I guess." I heard Carol mutter, followed by a gulping sound and Carol muttering woozily for a few moments before I heard a soft thud.
"Finally. Maybe now I can get some goddamn sleep." Stuart muttered. 'I guess Carol's having a little trouble staying on the straight and narrow.' I thought to myself. Kenny's father had given up doing drugs and other illegal things after he had gotten a job and they had gotten their reward money for the meth heads, but her mother seemed to still be a little shaky about it.
I put it out of my mind and followed Toolshed into Kenny's room. I stopped for a moment to get Mysterion's character sheet out of her nightstand as Toolshed told me, "There's a shortcut through the closet." I was about to follow him inside, but I paused for a moment as I realized something. I looked down at Mysterion's character sheet, then around Kenny's room before I muttered, "Holy shit, Kenny is Mysterion."
Toolshed paused and looked back at me as he asked, "Well, yeah. I mean I did say this is Mysterion's house. Did you seriously not figure that out until now?" I shrugged and asked him, "I don't know. I mean, Kenny ISa girl now. Why would she be a male superhero?" Toolshed told me in reply, "We were playing this game before Stick of Truth. Now come on, we've got to get down to U-Stor-It."
With that, the two of us went through Kenny's closet and out through a broken washing machine into her backyard. As we neared the back fence, Toolshed exclaimed, "Now I can show you Toolshed's most mighty tool! The sandblaster!" He then hooked up a sandblaster to an air compressor nearby and told me, "With the force it generates, I can clear nearly any obstacle!"
He then had me turn on the air compressor, and once it was active, Toolshed used his sandblaster to blow away the lava blocking the fence gate. Once the way was clear, he turned off the air compressor and disconnected the sandblaster before telling me, "This is Mysterion's secret tunnel!"
The two of us then went through the gate and passed some half-finished buildings before coming to a homeless camp, where three homeless people were standing around a flaming barrel. One of them was blocking the secret tunnel, and Toolshed told me, "Uh oh, these guys are blocking our path. There's gotta be a way to get through them."
"What do you kids think you're doing?! SoDoSoPa is ours now!" The one blocking us shouted belligerently. "That cardboard box is our secret tunnel and you're not gonna stop us from going through it!" Toolshed told him. "Your secret tunnel is our back patio!" He retorted. Toolshed sighed and told me, "Alright, New Kid, I guess the two of us have to drill through these guys."
I needed to save my energy powers for Chaos, so I went up to one of them and hit him to gain Combat Advantage before our battle started. I had the first turn, and I used Sand Trap to destroy a pile of garbage next to Toolshed and damage one of our enemies. Another then moved forward to stand next to the one I had hit, and on the other side, another moved to stand just a space away from me. Toolshed's turn was up, and he used Drillslinger to damage the homeless guy that had moved towards me and destroy another pile of trash.
The fourth guy moved down one space before the one I had hit moved down as well. I then used Sand Trap to defeat him and the one standing next to him before the one that Toolshed had hit moved forward and stabbed him with a broken bottle. Toolshed used Drillslinger in retaliation to hit him and knock him back into his ally, damaging them both. The fourth one then moved forward one space before I used Triple Burn to finish off the one that had damaged Toolshed, who used Drillslinger again to damage our last enemy.
The last homeless guy moved forward one space before I moved between him and Toolshed and used Triple Burn to damage and Burn him before Toolshed finished him off with one last Drillslinger. I got a new DNA Artifact from the battle along with a Minor one called the Sanity Siphon, which I used to replace my Banner of Exile.
I then got a Yaoi picture before the two of us went through the tunnel and left, me thinking to myself as we did, 'You know, I would probably be a lot more sympathetic towards these guys if they weren't constantly trying to kill people.' After we were through the tunnel, we went past some abandoned train tracks and finally got to the U-Stor-It. When we walked up to the lava blocking the front, we saw that an air compressor had been set up there for Toolshed's sandblaster. Before we could use it however, Coon jumped in to crouch on top of a sign and exclaimed, "They're here! Coon Friends, assemble!"
Human Kite, Captain Diabetes, Super Craig, and Mosquito then walked over to us and struck superhero poses, and Coon remarked, "Well, well, the buttfucking traitor actually showed up." As he walked up to us, Toolshed told him, "Hey, whoa, nuh-uh. I said I'd help the New Kid, not you losers."
"Yeah well, the New Kid is a Coon Friend, and Coon Friends work together, douche." Coon replied. "Come on, we need to get inside this fence." Super Craig said impatiently. "Yeah Toolshed, it's what the New Kid wants." Fastpass told him, and I requested of him, "Can you please just help us get through this? We need to get inside and find out what's been going on with the missing cats."
Toolshed sighed and reluctantly told me, "Alright. I do owe you one and… And I guess these assholes will just follow us no matter what I say." With that, he hooked up his sandblaster to the air compressor and told us, "As long as there's a power generator nearby, I can use my dad's sandblaster to clear nearly any obstacle." "Wow, that is fantastic!" Fastpass remarked.
Toolshed then fired up the sandblaster and blew away all of the lava blocking our path, the red Lego bricks losing their effects once they were separated. Once they were all gone, Human Kite exclaimed, "That's got it! COON AND FRIENDS LET'S GO!" The four other heroes then ran inside the U-Stor-It, Coon telling Toolshed as he disconnected his sandblaster, "Let's get one thing straight, 'Shed. I don't trust you. You make one move outta line and I'll shred you." "I'm only here for the New Kid, fatass. After tonight, we're sworn enemies again." Toolshed replied.
Coon ignored him as he walked inside, and I told the Gadgeteer, "Actually now that we have a minute, Super Craig wrote that email. This was kind of a group plan." "I knew that already. He made a giant middle finger out of middle finger emojis in it." Toolshed replied, and we both went inside as I snickered to myself.
Once we were all inside, Human Kite told us, "All right, Classi said the cats all go to one of these storage facilities. Everyone fan out!" The group then separated as they all started making cat noises. I went inside the main office and got a new costume out of the safe, which I made a note of to wear tomorrow, and left to loot some of the containers scattered around the area along with Mr. Gueermo's storage unit, using the Continuum Enforcer I got to replace my Dreidel of Vengeance.
Once I had gotten everything I could, I went up to the big red X I had seen at the start and picked up a mask made out of aluminum foil. As I held the mask in my hands, Toolshed walked up to me and asked, "What'd you find?" Before I could respond however, the U-Stor-It's front gate slammed shut, and all of the floodlights in the facility started turning on at once along with a giant screen that showed Professor Chaos' face. "…the fuck?" Coon asked as he walked up to us.
Just then, Chaos laughed on the screen and told us, "Hello, Coon Friends!" "Coon AND Friends." Coon corrected him. Ignoring him, Chaos said, "Come into my parlor! I've bought more tinfoil and more minions than you could possibly fathom! I've been given twenty thousand dollars to keep nosey people away from this place." "What?" Coon asked in surprise.
Chaos told him, "Twenty thousand just to keep people from snooping around! But I only need a few hundred for that." As he held up a hamster, he asked us, "So, you know what I'm gonna do with all the rest?" 'Destroy the world.' I thought to myself grimly, and Super Craig asked, "Go to France and get a penile enhancement and fuck French chicks?"
"Super Craig…" Coon stated, disappointment in his voice. "Wrong! I'm gonna destroy this town and prove that I'M the bad guy! Not this new kingpin jerk-head! SO LONG, COON FRIENDS!" Chaos exclaimed as he put the hamster in a hamster ball and locked it closed. Just then, the door to one of the storage units nearby opened up and about a dozen hamsters inside hamster balls rolled out. They bypassed us harmlessly however, and rolled around as Chaos growled and muttered, "Never send rodents to do a minion's job." The screen then turned to static, and Coon muttered, "God dammit – All right, let's find what we're looking for and get outta here."
The other heroes then ran off through the storage unit that the hamsters had come from, and I texted the person I had called for help yesterday to come pick up the hamsters before I followed them. I walked through the broken section of wall and passed several Halloween decorations as I stayed closely behind Toolshed, not wanting my Monophobia to act up in case the lights shut off. Just then, we came to a wall blocking our way along with an old heater, so I had Captain Diabetes come in and tear it out of the ground.
"Yeah, you just tipped that thing into our path, dude." Toolshed remarked. The heater did indeed fall into our path, but I wasn't concerned as I used TimeFart Glitch to reset it once we passed through, Toolshed thankfully not seeing me use it. Chaos came onto the screens and growled with rage that we had made it passed his barrier before we moved on, Kite swooping and Coon walking in as we reached another open area. I took a look around and got a cloth mask from a storage unit before I picked up another one made from aluminum foil.
As I did so, Chaos showed up on another big screen and asked us mockingly, "I see you! Did you really think I wouldn't have a backup plan?" "Butters, would you just go home? We're trying to find a missing cat!" Human Kite exclaimed. "Sorry, Butters isn't here right now. Can I take a message?" Chaos taunted him, then laughed and told us, "Your time is up, Coon Friends!" Coon then told him, "Butters, actually, if somebody gave you a bunch of money by law that money belongs to our franchise! All of us!"
Chaos then cackled and told him, "Do you really think this is about some game?! NO! I'm going to GENUINLEY destroy this town, and then, THE WORLD!" He then burst out in maniacal laughter, and Human Kite remarked, "Dude, Butters is really committing to this." "That's not Butters." I told the group softly, and all of their eyes turned towards me.
"Not Butters? What are you talking about, dude?" Toolshed asked, and I explained to them, "Butters has multiple personality disorder. One personality, to be specific. Professor Chaos." Chaos laughed again and said, "So the fool's parents told you everything, huh? Guess I know who's at the top of my hit list now!" "Dude, I thought Butters didn't really have multiple personalities. That it was just Mr. Kim stealing shit or something." Human Kite remarked, and I told him, "It was the first time. But then Chaos decided to stop hiding."
"Enough talk! LET'S SEE HOW YOU HANDLE THIS! MINIONS, DESTROY THEM!" Chaos exclaimed, and a bunch of kids wearing aluminum foil came out of the woodwork along with three dogs also wearing foil. Acting quickly, I pulled some more wings out of my necklace and threw them back the way we had come, making the dogs chase after them and leaving us to fight the kids.
Coon used Coon Lunge to damage one of the Minions before another one moved forward a space and the one he had hit threw CDs at him. Toolshed then used Drillslinger to damage one of the Minions and defeat the one that had hit Coon. I followed it up with Sand Trap to defeat the one that he had damaged before Human Kite gave Toolshed some Protection with Kite Shield.
Coon used Coon Lunge again to damage the last Minion, and I skipped his turn before he could hit Coon. Toolshed then used Spiral Power to finish him off, ending the battle. "That's almost all of them!" Coon exclaimed as the fight ended. Chaos then laughed at him through the screen and told us, "Wrong again, Coon!" "Oh fuck, what now?" Coon asked with exasperation.
"I've got stronger Minions than that! Minions, vamanos!" Chaos exclaimed. Just then, a truck opened up and a bunch of Mexican guys wearing tinfoil got out of it, and I thought to myself, 'These must be the guys Father Maxie was talking about.' Chaos then exclaimed, "Destroy the Coon Friends, Minions!" "COON AND FRIENDS!" Coon told him, then turned to us and said, "All right boys, and girl, we can't just sit here and let him keep messing up our team name. It's Coon time!"
And with that, another battle started. One of the Minions moved forward and ended his turn before I used Gigavolt Globe to damage and Shock two more of them. One of the Minions I had hit came up to me and kicked me in the face before he took Shock damage. Human Kite used Laser Burn to damage one of the Minions on his side of the grid, and the other Minion I had hit kicked Coon before taking Shock damage as well, damaging his comrade and defeating himself.
Coon used Coon Claws to defeat the one that had hit him, and another one moved forward a space before ending his turn. Another then hit Toolshed in the face and took out some of his Protection before he used Drillslinger to knock him back. The first Minion to move then moved down one space before ending his turn, and I used Sand Trap to damage another one, who was strangely carrying baseball launchers.
Human Kite then used his Ultimate to defeat the two Minions on his side of the grid before Coon used Coon Claws to defeat the last one. I got some scrap and change from the fight before Toolshed asked, "Is that the last of them?" "God only knows. You guys take the alley over there; Super Craig and I are hitting the rooftops." Coon told him and Human Kite. The others then went off to search the area, but before I followed them, I noticed that the Mexican guys were still here and were nursing their wounds.
I went up to one of them and asked, "Can you understand me?" "Si." He replied, and I told him, "You need to stop working for Professor Chaos. He's a monster." "He pays us. And we need the money, to bring back to our families in Mexico." He replied, and I begged him, "I know you want to help your families, but if Chaos achieves his goal, he'll destroy everything he can get his hands on. Do you really want to help him destroy the world?"
He looked down for a moment before nodding with determination and telling me, "You're right. We need to stop this, now." He then stood up and gave a speech in Spanish to all of his friends. Whatever he said to them seemed to work, as they all nodded and took off their Chaos uniforms. As they all left, the one I had spoken to originally told me, "I will tell the others here to quit. Buena suerte."
"Buena suerte." I told him back, and watched as all of them left the U-Stor-It. Once they were all gone, I left to follow the others through Jimbo's storage unit. It was blocked by a turret, so I got a new costume set from a chest before I used Pause to deactivate it and then blew up a patched hole with TNT. The hole I made opened up into a storage unit that was thankfully open to the outside, so I used Fartkour to get over another barrier and looted a couple chests that came loose when I opened the door to a storage unit before moving on.
I passed some lava before coming to Super Craig staring at a truck covered in aluminum foil in confusion, and he asked me as I approached, "Why would Chaos want to wrap an entire truck in aluminum foil?" "That's not the problem." We heard from above us, and looked up to the source to see that Call Girl was on the roof. "Is aluminum foil really what you guys are concerned with?" She asked us incredulously.
"Who the fuck is that?" Coon asked as all the others came up to join us. Ignoring him, Call Girl told me, "You were right about the Italian restaurant, New Kid. The owner is a part of a new crime syndicate." "Who the fuck… Is that?!" Coon asked again, and I told him simply, "Call Girl."
"Call Girl? Why'd she name herself THAT?" Toolshed asked, and Fastpass told us with a chuckle, "I don't think she knows what it means f-f-f-fellas. Everybody keep quiet about it." "Well she's NOT in the union!" Coon exclaimed, more concerned with the fact that she was here than her name. He then turned to her and asked her, "Excuse me, are you on Coonstagram?!"
"There's someone new in town who's bringing all the crime families together." Call Girl told me, ignoring him again. "OK, cool. Thank you, bye." Coon said, clearly wanting her to leave. "You mean like a kingpin?" Fastpass asked her. "You guys, do not say anything." Coon told him as he walked up to the Speedster, then looked over his shoulder at the cellular superhero, "We're not playing with her." 'Speak for yourself, fatass.' I thought to myself.
"Check out storage facility 56-D, New Kid. And here, take this." She said, then threw down a piece of paper with a phone number on it and told me, "Call me if you need me. I think you're gonna need all the help you can get." I nodded and entered Call Girl's number into my phone before she ran off, and Coon remarked, "So, I guess now any fucking asshole thinks they can be a superhero." "Come on, let's just find Scrambles and be done." Toolshed told him.
He then walked off and the others scattered, leaving me to loot a bag and sell all my inferior Artifacts at a vending machine. I also bought one called the Aural Disruptor, which I used to replace the Harvester of Fogal. I then sold it to the vending machine before moving on, but soon found Toolshed stopped at some lava. Toolshed told me, "This way's blocked and there's no air compressor. We'll have to find a different route."
"It's kind of lame to have a superpower that only works when an air compressor is around. This isn't Legend of Zelda, dude." Coon stated from the roof. "Fuck you, Coon." Toolshed retorted as the fat boy walked off. He then came back with a box, which he dropped down as he told us, "Here, use this." "I don't see anyone else around here with the power to move lava, Coon." Toolshed told him as he and Super Craig left.
I used the box to create a step and loot a bag before moving it back over to finish a bridge that went over the lava. We then came to a huge storage unit, and I told the others as they assembled around us, "Hang back, guys. Chaos might be waiting for us. I'll go first." All of the others agreed reluctantly before I opened the door to reveal that the room was pitch-black.
I took a deep breath before walking inside and looking around, trying to make out anything in the blackness. The room was too dark however, and I heard Chaos' voice come over a loudspeaker somewhere, asking me, "So, the little lost lamb wanders into the wolf's den, huh?" "Come out and face me like a man, Chaos!" I exclaimed. Chaos laughed and told me, "Oh, I don't think so, Dovahkiin. That's right, I know your REAL name! And that's not all! I know everything Butters knows, including the fact that you have… MONOPHOBIA!"
Just then, the door to the storage unit slammed shut, startling me. My eyes widened as I felt fear creep into my heart, and Chaos laughed maniacally as he tauntingly told me, "It shouldn't be long now! Let's see here, it's dark…" I felt a pang of fear pulse through me at his words, and he continued, "You're alone…" My body felt weak as he spoke, and he finished, "And now that you've walked the wolf's maze, you have no idea where you are!"
Chaos laughed evilly over the loudspeaker, and I pressed my hands over my ears in a vain attempt to drown him out as tears leaked through my clenched eyelids. My body started to tremble in fear, and I could feel my legs threatening to give out. 'God fucking dammit Chaos, when I find you I'm going to kick your ass!' I thought to myself. It didn't help as I collapsed to the ground, my legs no longer willing to support my weight. I involuntarily curled into a ball on the ground as sobs wracked through me and my entire body shook with fear. 'It can't end like this. Please, don't let it end like this.' I thought to myself, not even knowing who I was pleading with.
It would seem that whoever I asked was feeling generous, as I suddenly heard a voice echo throughout the room, telling me, "New Kid! Don't give up!" My eyes flew open and I caught my breath before I whispered to myself, "Stan?" "You can beat this, New Kid! You've never backed down from anything before, and you can't start now!" Another voice said, and I recognized this one as Kyle.
Just then, the Dragon's Heart flashed pink around my neck, and phantasmal versions of the Coon Friends along with Toolshed and Call Girl appeared all around me, smiling down comfortingly. I looked up at them in wonder as Super Craig told me, "Get up, New Kid! Quit being a pussy!" "Yeah, come on, New Kid! If you shut down now, it makes us look bad!" I heard Token's voice from behind me, and turned to see that Timmy, Mysterion, Wonder Tweek and Tupperware were here too, all smiling. "Come now, surely a little fear is nothing compared to what you've faced in the past. On your feet, New Kid!" Timmy told me. "You can beat this, New Kid! You're strong! I know you are!" Mysterion told me.
I nodded with a smile on my face and felt my fear melt away to be replaced with determination as I stood up straight. "You're wrong, Chaos." I told the room, then continued, "I'm never alone. Even if they're not here with me right now, my friends will always stand by my side. And you can never take that away from us!" Just then, the Dragon's Heart started shining with pink light, and I took it off and inspected it for a moment before I held it up in the air, letting the energy building inside of it to release itself in a powerful blast.
*Outside the storage unit, 3rd person POV*
The door slammed shut in front of the Coon Friends, startling the group. Super Craig put his ear to the door to try and hear what was going on, and after a moment, Coon asked him, "Well Super Craig? Can you hear anything?" Super Craig waited for a moment as the conversation inside went on, then told him, "They're talking about… Mono-something, I can't hear them."
Mosquito gasped and asked, "Monophobia?!" "Maybe, why do you ask?" Super Craig asked. "Monophobia is ButtLord's weakness! She can't even move when it kicks in! Professor Chaos must be using her fear against her!" Mosquito told them, and the group's eyes all widened as they realized what was going on. "We've got to get in there!" Coon exclaimed, and Human Kite and Toolshed tried to lift the door. It was jammed shut however, and they struggled vainly for a moment before letting go, panting as Human Kite told the other Coon Friends, "It's no use! It won't budge!"
"Then how are we going to get in there to help Butthole?" Captain Diabetes asked. "You idiots!" They heard from above them, and they all looked up to see Call Girl on the roof of a storage unit to their left. "Oh Jesus, it's her again." Coon muttered. Ignoring him, Call Girl told the group, "The New Kid's an energy user! And her powers come from friendship! If we want to help her, we need to focus on our bond with her! It's the only way!"
"Oh, so now we're taking advice from YOU?!" Coon asked her incredulously, and Toolshed told the fat boy, "It's our only chance, dude! The New Kid needs us!" "Everybody, think about your friendship with the New Kid! Remember all the g-g-good times we've had together!" Fastpass exclaimed, and all of the superheroes closed their eyes and focused.
*Inside the Community Center*
Mysterion gasped as an odd sensation rooted itself in her chest, and stopped in her tracks as Tupperware asked the group, "Do you guys feel that?" "Yes, it would seem the New Kid is in trouble." Timmy stated mentally. "So what? She's our enemy!" Mysterion said. "Don't be so quick to dismiss her, Mysterion. Remember, she's facing off against Professor Chaos. He is a threat to the entire world." Timmy told him. "Ah! What do we do?!" Wonder Tweek asked the group frantically.
"What CAN we do? She's all the way across town!" Tupperware pointed out. "We must believe in her, Tupperware. Remember everything we've been through together." Timmy told him, and the four closed their eyes and focused as well as pink light shined in their chests.
*Back at the U-Stor-It*
As the Coon Friends focused on their friendship with Dova and all of their experiences together, pink light started shining in their chests, and they could all feel her presence inside the storage unit. Knowing that she could hear him, Toolshed called out to her, "New Kid! Don't give up!" "You can beat this, New Kid! You've never backed down from anything before, and you can't start now!" Human Kite told her. With a flash of pink light, they were all floating in the air around Dova, and Super Craig told the shocked girl, "Come on, New Kid! Quit being a pussy!"
"Yeah, come on, New Kid! If you shut down now, it makes us look bad!" Tupperware told the girl, and she turned around to see the Freedom Pals were floating with her as well. "Come now, surely a little fear is nothing compared to what you've faced in the past. On your feet, New Kid!" Timmy told her. "You can beat this, New Kid! You're strong! I know you are!" Mysterion told her.
Dova nodded with a smile on her face, and she felt her fear melt away to be replaced with determination as she stood up straight. "You're wrong, Chaos." Dova told the room, then continued, "I'm never alone. Even if they're not here with me right now, my friends will always stand by my side. And you can never take that away from us!" Just then, the Dragon's Heart started shining with bright light, and she took it off and held it up in the air, letting the energy building inside of it to release itself in a powerful blast, sending the Coon Friends and Freedom Pals back to their bodies.
*Inside the storage unit, Dova's POV*
The blast of pink friendship energy from the Dragon's Heart tore the door to the unit off of its hinges and barely missed the guys, who had known the blast was coming and dove out of the way just in time. "Ow!" I heard from the back of the room, and turned to see General Disarray AKA Dougie fall to the ground with night-vision goggles on. Suddenly, the lights came on and the others all swarmed into the room, Toolshed asking me, "Dude, are you okay?" I nodded to him with a smile on my face, and told him, "Thanks to you guys. Thanks for the help."
Just then, we heard a loud creaking sound, and looked up to see that huge bags of red Legos were sitting on catwalks above us that had been damaged by my energy blast. As we watched, the bags all split and opened up, spilling red Legos that turned to lava as they hit the ground. All of us backed up as lava spilled onto the floor, and as we got out of range of the spill, we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.
It would seem not all of us made it however, as Coon gasped out, "Super Craig!" I turned to where he was looking to see that Super Craig had gotten trapped between two big piles of lava that each stretched from one side of the room to the other, and were growing fast. My eyes widened as I thought to myself, 'That lava is actually hot! If we don't get him out of there, he'll die!'
"Super Craig! Just hold tight!" Coon told him. "Shit, there's no air compressor here! No way I can remove that lava!" Toolshed exclaimed as he ran around in a panic. Reassuringly, Coon told Super Craig, "Hang on, Super Craig. We're gonna find something to plug Toolshed's sandblaster into." "You and I both know I'm already dead." Super Craig said dejectedly. "No Super Craig, we're gonna find a way to save you! Do something Toolshed!" Coon told him, turning back to Toolshed with his second sentence.
Toolshed had his sandblaster out as he told him, "There's nothing here! My sandblaster needs compressed air to work!" "Get the one from the entrance!" Mosquito told him, and Fastpass pointed out, "The gates slammed and locked shut, remember?" "It's OK, guys." We heard from Super Craig, and we all turned back to see that he had a calm look on his face as he told us, "We all knew when we signed on to be Coon Friends that it might end like this."
"Stay calm Super Craig. We're gonna get you home." Coon told him, and the boy in blue replied, "Sorry Coon, but it looks like this was a one-way trip." "No, Super Craig, NO!" Coon exclaimed as Fastpass dragged him away from the rapidly growing pile of lava.
I looked around the room, desperately searching for something, ANYTHING that could be used to jerry-rig an air compressor, but all of the electronic components in the room had been destroyed by the lava and I knew I didn't have the right parts in my necklace. I then went up to the river of lava and used my powers as an Elementalist to create ice over the bricks. It melted almost immediately however, and I cussed under my breath as I realized there was no way to get him to safety without shifting the lava.
'Toolshed said he needs compressed air for his sandblaster to work. Where can we get compressed air without an air compressor?' I thought to myself, and wracked my brains for a moment before I got an idea. A horrible, terrible idea, but one that just might work. I groaned as I realized what I had to do, and asked the others, "Uh, guys?"
All of their eyes turned to me, and I told them, "I think I have a way to move the lava without an air compressor." Coon gasped and asked me, "You do?!" I nodded and went up to Toolshed as I told him, "Yeah. But I REALLY don't like it."
I then took the end of Toolshed's sandblaster and inspected it for a moment. Just as I had hoped, it was brand new, with no signs of rust or any other substance that might make me sick if I did this wrong. Still, I wasn't taking any chances, so I used a spark of friendship energy to render it sterile before I pulled my bikini bottom down and… shoved it into my butt.
I winced as the tool entered my anus, and Toolshed asked me, "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea what kind of fart power someone would need to make that work?!" "Just squeeze the stupid trigger, Toolshed! This isn't exactly fun for me!" I retorted, and as Toolshed got the sandblaster ready, I concentrated on my anal muscles, willing them to compress the air inside my bowels enough to serve our purposes. My gut rumbled as I did so, and once the air was strong enough, I clenched down and forced it out, sending it through the sandblaster and blowing it all away in one burst!
Super Craig was knocked onto his back as I did so, and Coon went over to Super Craig as everyone stared on in amazement for a second before Mosquito asked, "Jesus Christ, that's her asshole?" "What… What happened?" Super Craig asked dazedly, and Coon told him, "The New Kid shoved a tube up her ass and cleared away all the lava."
"Oh." Super Craig remarked, and Coon told the rest of us, "You guys go and get Chaos. I've gotta try and stabilize Super Craig." He then pulled a syringe filled with green liquid out of a pouch and removed the cover on the needle before he slammed it into Super Craig's chest, injecting him with the unknown substance as Super Craig cried out in pain. "It's cool." Coon told him, and Super Craig demanded, "What the fuck was that, you asshole?!"
"It's an intracardiac injection, Super Craig. I had to stabilize you." Coon replied, and Super Craig shouted out, "Are you fucking serious right now?! You coulda fucking killed me!" "Where the fuck did you get that, Cartman?" Toolshed asked him, and the fat boy told him, "Online." He then turned back to Super Craig and said, "Super Craig just stay still. You've suffered through a lot."
He then turned back to us and told the group, "You guys go ahead; I'm gonna try and stabilize him." Toolshed then helped me get his tool out of my ass, thankfully not drawing blood as he did so, and we all walked off to escape the room. Toolshed walked up to me and told me, "Hey, that was really cool back there. Now we can clear lava whenever we want! We make a great team, ButtLord!" I then got an alert on my phone that told me that I now had a Buddy Power with Toolshed to clear lava away.
I groaned before getting some change and a DNA and a Minor Artifact called the Diabolic Inscription, which I used to replace my Skull of Sundering. I then followed Human Kite up a ladder, and we got up onto the roof before Kite told me, "Okay, Butthole, we need to get up that water-tower so we can use your Fartkour magic." I looked up to where he was pointing to see that a Chaos Minion had fortified a water tower and was looking down at us menacingly.
He then poured a bucked of lava down to block the front of it, and I glared at him before using a Snap N Pop to destroy the cracked board he was standing on, sending him crashing to the ground and just barely missing the lava. I then shot some more boards down and cleared away the lava with Sandblaster to form a path up the water tower that we used to climb up to the top. I looted a bag once we reached the top before we used Fartkour to jump off the water tower and down onto the roof of a nearby storage unit.
Human Kite left as we reached our destination, leaving me to cross a bridge made out of ladders and tinfoil and send a ladder down to the ground to reach the lava that I had seen before. Call Girl appeared on the roof as she told me, "This way, New Kid!" She was on the other side of the lava, and jumped down and ran off to the right. I used Sandblaster to clear the lava away and looted a bag before following her with Toolshed in tow, looting another bag along the way.
We then came to an area with a bunch of aluminum foil sitting on pallets, and Toolshed kept moving as I stopped in a storage unit that apparently used to belong to Captain Hindsight and got an Artifact called the Trinity of Reflection, which I used to replace the badge Yates had given me. I then followed Toolshed and we beat up some Minions by the truck I had seen earlier, getting a Recipe from a bag on top of it before following Toolshed to the others, where Coon was standing by a storage unit. "I can hear cats." He told me, and I heard meowing sounds coming from the unit he was standing next to.
I got the feeling we had a tough fight ahead of us, so I went over to the vending machine nearby and looted a bag before selling my inferior Artifacts to it. I then Crafted two Macaroni Pictures, ten Revive Serums, and four Quesadilla Especials. With that done, I opened the door to the storage unit to see a bunch of meth heads with cats in harnesses and cones on their butts, and as I took in the sight, I thought to myself, 'This is a cheese lab!'
"Hey, what the fuck?!" One of the meth heads said, and another asked, "Who is that?!" A third one then muttered, "OH MY GOD – That's the vigilante." "That's right, the Coon!" Coon told them, and one of the meth heads pointed out, "And some little fat kid, too!" Coon got a surprised look on his face before it passed and he took out his picture of Scrambles, asking the meth heads, "This cat. Where is it?!"
"That's some real high-grade shit right there. Cat like that would go to the boss man himself." One of the meth heads remarked, and I thought to myself with exasperation, 'So Scrambles isn't even HERE?!' "You idiot! You don't talk about him! Now we gotta kill these shits!" Another of the meth heads scolded him.
And with that, a battle started. Coon had the first turn, and he used Coon Lunge to damage one of the meth heads. He had to go through a barrel of cheese to do so however, and it exploded once his turn ended, damaging him and defeating his opponent. Another of the meth heads then moved forward one space, and another moved up before Toolshed moved to stand next to Coon. I then used Triple Burn to damage one of the meth heads and inflict Burning, and the fourth moved forward a space.
Human Kite then moved in front of me and used Laser Burn to finish off the meth head I had damaged, and Coon used Coon Lunge to damage another one of them. One would have thrown a syringe at Human Kite, but I skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch before Toolshed used Drillslinger to knock one of the meth heads into Coon, damaging him severely. Suddenly, Call Girl walked into the unit and joined the battle, telling us, "Looks like you could use some help."
She then took out a selfie stick and started swinging it around like a sword before I got an alert on my phone that told me she was now a Combat Buddy. She then took out two phones and started typing, using Phone Destroyer to send a static shock through the phone of the meth head that Human Kite and I were fighting, damaging him but not defeating him. I then used Gigavolt Globe to damage him and inflict Shock before the meth head that Coon was fighting hit him in the face.
Human Kite used Kite Shield to give me some Protection, and Coon used Coon Lunge one last time to defeat the meth head he was facing. The meth head I had hit then threw an empty test tube at me and was defeated by Shock damage.
Once they had all been felled, I got another vial of cheese and some change before we went up to the meth head that was still conscious. "All right! All right! Look, it ain't us, OK?! The big man has all the crime families working together: The Italians, the Russians, the Sixth Graders! They all work FOR HIM. We just put the cat urine in the drugs and alcohol." He explained. "Who is the big man?!" Call Girl demanded.
"He don't even do it for the money, man. It's like – it's like he wants more crime in the streets." The meth head told us with horror in his voice, and Fastpass remarked, "Wow! That sounds spooky." The meth head told him, "You don't even know spooky, man. We got to do this if they tell us, don't you get it?! WE'RE ALREADY DEAD FOR TELLIN' YOU!" The meth head then scrambled up and grabbed a cat before squeezing it hard, agitating the cat and making it spray all over his face. The meth head gurgled with cheese on his face for a moment before falling to the ground, dead from overdose.
He knocked over a bunch of chemicals as he fell, and the others ran out as I used TimeFart Pause to get all of the cats to safety, texting the person I had called yesterday again to pick them up once they were out of danger. The unit exploded once I had resumed time, and we just managed to get out as flames licked at our heels, sending us all flying to the ground. The fire spread as we ran away, and I used my ice powers to extinguish it before Call Girl led me over to a huge storage unit that had "KEEP OUT" painted in red in front of it and a security pad on the door.
She then started typing on her phone as Chaos appeared on a screen in front of the storage unit, telling me, "Looks like the little lamb managed to escape. No matter, you'll be facing the wolf soon." The screen then turned to static as Call Girl told me, "Got it. Ready when you are, New Kid." She then told me the code as I typed it in, and it was simply 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7, all of the numbers exclaiming "Chaos!" As I typed them.
The door opened as I pressed the Enter button, and Call Girl told me, "Let's go!" We then entered the unit. Inside we found an ambush of a bunch of Minions and some automatic baseball pitchers, most of which I destroyed with some fireworks, using Sandblaster to send air through a pipe and knock them to the ground. The battle then started with me having the first turn, and I used Gigavolt Globe to defeat one of the damaged Minions and damage a ball launcher.
The two ball launchers then started getting warmed up to attack before one took Shock damage, destroying it and damaging a nearby Minion, who came up to me and hit me in the face. Another Minion then moved down one space before Toolshed used Spiral Power to damage one Minion and defeat the other. Call Girl used Phone Destroyer to damage the other ball launcher, and a Minion threw a handful of lava at Toolshed.
Human Kite gave him some Protection before I used Sand Trap to defeat a Minion and the remaining ball launcher. The remaining Minion then threw CDs at me, and Toolshed used Drillslinger to damage him and knock him back. Two more Minions then ran in accompanied by two dogs, so I threw some more Raisins wings to make the canines leave. Call Girl then used Selfie-Stick Strike on one of the Minions that had just arrived, defeating him. Human Kite moved up one space and skipped his turn before I used a Quesadilla Especial to heal myself.
Toolshed used Drillslinger to defeat the remaining Minions, and I got a new Artifact and some change from the fight. I then looted a bag next to Chaos' throne before we used Sandblaster to clear away some lava and went up the ladder onto the roof. Once on there, we saw a terrifying sight. "Dude, the fuck?" Toolshed asked as we looked down on a bunch of trucks covered in aluminum foil, each one half-filled with red Lego bricks. No one was filling it the rest of the way however, and I figured that the Mexican Minions were in charge of that before I convinced them to quit. All of the other Coon Friends came up behind us, and Coon muttered, "Oh my god. He's gonna declare the entire town lava."
Suddenly, we heard Chaos' voice from behind us, telling us, "That's right." We all turned around to see Butters' alter-ego walking up behind us, and he said, "Hello, Coon Friends." "Coon AND Friends, Butters! God dammit!" Chaos ignored him however, as he explained, "You may have gotten my Minions to quit, New Kid, but you will not stop my plans. All of South Park is about to be covered in lava! Everyone will die, and I will be standing tall over the ruins!"
Chaos then laughed maniacally, and I walked forward and told him, "That's not going to happen, Chaos! I'm here to kill you and save Butters!" Chaos laughed and told me, "Well you can't do both! Butters and I are one and the same! Two sides of the same coin! You can't kill me without killing him!" "We'll just see about that." I remarked as I got into a fighting stance. Chaos then created a giant hammer out of gold light as he said, "I guess we will." As he did so however, I asked him, killing the dramatic mood for a moment, "Okay, hang on a second. I know we're about to fight and all, but can we please agree on a name for that stuff?"
"What stuff?" Chaos asked in confusion, and I pointed to his hammer as I asked him, "THAT! The energy we use! Every time I talk about it, I just have to call it 'energy' or 'light' or something and it bugs the shit out of me. Can we please just call it… I don't know, 'Mana' or something?" "You call it whatever you want. All I care about is crushing you." Chaos told me menacingly, and I shrugged and remarked, "Okay, Mana it is then." I then looked to the others and told them, "Stay back you guys. Chaos isn't playing. I need to be the one to fight him."
The others all agreed wholeheartedly and moved back to the far wall to give us some space to fight. Chaos and I circled each other for a moment, neither one of us willing to make the first move. Suddenly, I rushed forward and surrounded my fist with pink Mana, feinting a punch to his face before I swept his feet out from under him and smashed my hand into the ground, him rolling out of the way just in time. He swung his hammer at me and it impacted with my side, bruising it and making me wince as I used the momentum to jump back and throw a sphere of Mana at him, which exploded and blinded him upon impact.
I ran forward and kicked him in the gut with a foot glowing with more Mana, then used a pulse of Mana to knock him back. Chaos growled as he regained his footing and slammed his hammer onto the ground, creating a shockwave of gold Mana that zoomed forward and hit me, sending me flying backwards. I created a glowing disk of pink Mana once my feet were back on the ground and threw it at his head, forcing him to raise up his hammer to block it. Taking advantage of his distraction, I ran at Chaos and leaped at him as I dissolved my body into pure Mana, impacting with his chest and forcing my way into his soul.
I gasped as I saw the inside of Butters' soul. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly didn't expect it to be like it was. The inside of Butters' soul was a void of golden light, with objects and rooms that were apparently significant to him floating around randomly. "Holy shit." I breathed out, and used a small amount of Mana to propel myself as I floated around his soul looking for Butters. 'Where would Chaos keep Butters? Think!' I thought to myself, then gasped as I realized there was only one place someone as sadistic as Chaos would lock up Butters.
I zoomed around his soul at my realization, looking around for a specific room. I finally found it after a few moments, and slowed down as I muttered, "Butters' room." I looked to his bedroom door with a glare. "Of course Chaos would imprison Butters in the room where he spent so much time grounded." I said to myself, then entered the same code I used to open his storage unit into the security lock on the door. It opened with a loud creak, revealing Butters sitting curled up in a ball in the middle of a dark room, everything else inside looking like a nightmare. "Butters!" I exclaimed as I rushed over to him, and told him, "I'm here to save you!"
Butters looked up to me, and I saw an incredible weariness in his eyes as he weakly asked me, "Dova?" "Yes! Yes, it's me, Butters! Now come on, I'm gonna get you out of here!" I told him. Butters smiled gratefully and told me, "Wow, that's real nice, Dova. But I'm not the one you need to save." In confusion, I asked him, "What are you talking about, Butters? Who else do I need to save?" "Her." Butters responded, and opened his hands, which I just noticed had been clenched together in front of his chest.
As he opened them, I saw a sphere of concentrated Mana, shining gold with power, and Butters muttered, "She won't last much longer here. You can't take both of us, and I can't abandon her here." "Butters, I-" I began, but he cut me off and told me, "It's alright Dova, I knew Chaos would take over eventually. At least this way, I can say that I saved one person from him, even if it was just for a little bit."
A portal of gold light then opened up behind me, and Butters pressed the sphere into my hands and told me, "You need to go! Goodbye, Dova! Take care of her for me!" Just then, the portal behind me started pulling me in, and I desperately tried to grab Butters as I shouted, "No! Butters!"
I was sucked through the portal and out of Butters' soul, flying backwards as I materialized along with someone else, who formed from the sphere of Mana that Butters had given me. I impacted hard with the ground, sliding on my back for a moment and grunting as I came to a stop with the person in my arms. Chaos growled as I reappeared, but when he saw the person I was holding, he broke out into maniacal laughter and remarked, "So the fool sent you back with the crybaby, huh? I figured he would try something like this!"
Chaos continued to laugh as I looked down at the person in my arms, who was wearing a gold dress and unconscious. She looked like Butters, but as I inspected her closely, I saw that she was female, and that her features reminded me of something. Remembering a drawing in Butters' room, I caught my breath and exclaimed, "Marjorine!" The guys then all ran up to me, and Toolshed asked me, "Dude! You got Butters?!"
"No," I told him, "This is Marjorine. She must have been another alternate personality." Chaos laughed raucously and told me, "That's right! What, you thought we were alone in there?! Butters was always so protective of her! That fool!" Chaos then broke out in evil laughter again, and I glared to him with anger. I quickly created a dress for Marjorine out of Mana and handed her off to Call Girl, telling her, "Get Marjorine out of here. I'm going to finish this."
Without waiting for her response, I went back up to Chaos and asked him, "What do you say we get to round two?" Chaos laughed evilly as he told me, "Fine by me! But if you think I'm going to let you do that AGAIN, you're dreaming! As a matter of fact…" He trailed off as he took a pose, and golden Mana surrounded him as he roared, dispelling after a moment to reveal the fully-grown Chaos that I had traded Mana blasts with at the school in our last game. "Let's see if you can keep up with me!" Chaos exclaimed as he created a corona of gold Mana around himself and jumped up into the air, flying away.
I turned to the others and told them, "I'll handle this. You guys get out of here." "But what about Butters?!" Human Kite asked, and as I walked to the edge of the roof, I told him, "Don't worry, Kite, I'm not out of tricks just yet."
With that, I jumped off of the roof and created reptilian dragon's wings out of pink Mana on my back, using them to fly off and follow Chaos. He was floating in the air, waiting for me a few stories above the U-Stor-It. As I neared him, I created a giant sword out of Mana and swung, aiming for his head. He blocked it with one hand however, and used the other to blast me with his own Mana, sending me flying back before I managed to recover and fly back at him. I quickly swung my sword three times, each one being blocked by his forearm before he created his hammer again and smacked me away from him.
I went flying at his strike but managed to recover just in time as he reached me, and blocked another hammer strike with my sword. We dueled that way for a few minutes, sword and hammer clashing and creating bursts of pink and gold Mana with each strike. Suddenly, we both struck at the same time, and our weapons locked as Chaos leaned in and told me, "You're weak. You don't have the strength to beat me, and you never will!" He then detonated his hammer in an explosion of gold chaos Mana, the blast blowing me out of the sky and sending me careening through the air, my wings falling apart. I wasn't beaten yet however, and managed to direct myself to a specific part of the U-Stor-It as I crashed into the ground and my wings faded.
Chaos flew down and set his feet on the ground, telling me as I lay face-down on the ground facing him, "You're pathetic. You can't even hold a candle to me. And yet, something's not right." My blood froze and I was worried he had figured out my plan before he told me, "You're not fighting at full strength. You're holding back, because you don't want to hurt Butters."
I felt relief wash over me that he was still none the wiser, but didn't let it show as he told me, "Well I'm not going to let anyone say that you went easy on me in this fight. I'm going to crush you at your strongest, and there's only one way to make you fight full force." With that, he opened up a portal of golden light on his chest. I raised my head up to watch him, one eye half-lidded in pain as he reached into his soul and rummaged around for a moment before pulling it back out to reveal that he was holding Butters in his hand. He was wearing a gold shirt and pants, and I wondered if they were made from his Mana.
I caught my breath as Chaos threw Butters to the side and told me, "Now there's nothing to prevent you from going all out. Come at me with everything you've got!" I grinned widely and started to chuckle, laughing at his stupidity as I told him, "You-You dumb motherfucker. You just fucked yourself." "Then hit me with your best shot." Chaos told me, and took on a fighting stance as I struggled forward, dragging myself forward with my hands as I reached neared Professor Chaos and charged my hand with Mana before I slammed it down onto the ground.
Suddenly, the ground lit up with pink light, revealing a circle with the shape of Chaos' helmet inside it burned into the ground. "What is this?" He asked, but I ignored him as I recited an incantation I was making up on the spot, weakly saying, "Oh pitiful soul lost in the throes of madness, I hereby banish you from this world."
Realizing what was about to happen, Chaos' eyes widened and he exclaimed, "No!" And tried to run out of the circle, only to meet a barrier of pink Mana as I continued, my voice reverberating with my own power, "With this seal I wash away the taint of your evil from this plane of existence, so that the strong need no longer hold back your fury and the weak need no longer fear your wrath! In other words, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!" With that, the pink glow strengthened as a ray of Mana shot up from the circle and engulfed him, dissolving his body as he roared out, "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEEEEEEEEE!"
As the last of him disappeared, the magic circle let out a pulse of pink Mana before disappearing, the design etched into it vanishing and being replaced by uniform concrete. I panted as it ended, and grinned widely as I realized that my plan had worked. I got up painfully and shook my head as I went over to Butters, shaking him as I hoarsely told him, "Butters, Butters, get up." Butters groaned and blinked his eyes as he dazedly asked me, "Dova?" I smiled with relief as I told him, "It's me, Butters." Butters looked around before asking me, "W-Where's Professor Chaos?" I had a smile on my face as I told him, "He's gone, Butters. He can't hurt anyone ever again." Butters smiled at that before asking, "And… And where's Marjorine?" "She's safe. Call Girl has her." Butters had a grateful smile on his face as he muttered, "Thank you Dova. I'll never… forget this."
He passed out as he finished his sentence, and I shook my head at his silliness as I used some of my remaining Mana to make him a pink shirt and pants, not a second too soon as the Coon Friends and Toolshed and Call Girl came running up to us. "Dude! Dude, what happened?!" Toolshed asked me. Noticing Butters on the ground, Human Kite asked, "Wait, is that-" "Butters." I told him before he could finish his sentence, and continued, "Professor Chaos is dead."
They all cheered at that, and started high-fiving as someone came around the corner, yelling, "I'M BAAAAAAACK!" Human Kite screamed in terror as he saw Cousin Kyle approach us, and the nerdier of the two Kyles asked me, "Did we do it, ButtLord? Did we kill the bad guy?" I smiled at the Kite imitator and told him, "We sure did, Human Kite from an alternate universe. And I couldn't have done it without you."
Cousin Kyle cheered by himself as Kite asked me, "Dude, what is HE doing here?" "He wanted to play with us. And I had just the job in mind." I told the original Human Kite. I then started coughing violently, falling down to my knees from the force, and when I looked down at my hand it was covered in blood. "Whoa, dude!" Kite said, and Cousin Kyle exclaimed, "Oh Jesus!" "I'm fine you guys, just hang on a sec." I told them, then closed my eyes and concentrated, using the last of my Mana to repair the damage I had sustained while fighting Chaos, the pink energy forming a cocoon around me.
I sighed as I finished, and got up shakily as my Mana dissipated and I told them, "Well, I'll be sore, but I'll live." Everyone then started cheering again until Coon asked us, "Wait a minute, wait a minute! This is cool and all, but what do we do now?" Everyone paused at that, and Human Kite remarked, "Oh yeah, we never found Scrambles!" "Well we can't go looking for him now, it's almost m-morning!" Fastpass told us, and Coon told us all, "We're just gonna have to try again tomorrow! Everyone, to the Coon Lair! Call Girl, ButtLord, make yourselves useful and take those two back to Butters' house."
All of the others then left, but Human Kite hung back as Toolshed walked in the opposite direction, and told him, "Hey, Toolshed." As the Gadgeteer turned to face his former friend, Kite told him, "I just wanted to say that… that it was nice working with you. It was like old times." Toolshed had an unreadable expression on his face as he told the other boy, "Well, like I said, this was a one-shot deal."
He started to walk away again, but Human Kite, dropping all pretenses now, called after him, "Come back to the team, 'Shed. It can be like before. We don't have to fight." Toolshed turned back to him with a mournful expression and told the dual-classer, "I can't do that, Kite. Freedom Pals is gonna make way more money with their franchise."
Human Kite took a step forward as he desperately told his friend, "No it won't! We're gonna make like a billion dollars!" Toolshed's face fell at that, and he took out a tape measure as he told Kite with misty eyes, "We're gonna make like a zillion dollars." The tape measure then shot up and hooked onto the roof of a storage unit, and Toolshed ran off along the rooftops as Kite looked down in despair. I patted his shoulder with a sympathetic look, and he smiled gratefully to me before walking off to join the others.
With the exchange done, I picked up Butters as Call Girl and I brought him and Marjorine home. As we left the U-Stor-It, she asked me, "So how did you beat Chaos?" "Simple. All I had to do was trick him into standing on a magic circle." I replied, feeling my voice about to die as I did so. "A magic circle?" Call Girl asked me in confusion, and I explained, "Yup. See, I may be able to do just about anything with my powers, but it takes a lot of concentration to make anything specific happen. After a while, I figured out that I could create a seal that would cause something to happen without me constantly focusing on it, letting me focus into channeling all my Mana into it for a stronger effect. All I need is a border and a symbol, and I can do just about anything. Drains the hell out of me, though."
Call Girl hummed in understanding, and asked me, "Then what was that stuff you were shouting before you destroyed Chaos?" I shrugged and told her, "Half to help me charge up my Mana, and half to sound cool." Call Girl snickered to herself at that, and after a few more minutes of walking, we reached Butters' house. I adjusted Butters on my back so that he couldn't be seen from Stephen and Linda's point of view and rang the doorbell. I heard a muffled conversation come from the house before Linda opened the door, and she blearily asked me, "Yes?"
She then noticed that it was me, and exclaimed, "Dova! Oh, are you okay? What happened with Professor Chaos?!" I was barely holding back a grin as I asked her, "He's dead. But I wanted to ask you something. Are you having pancakes?" In confusion, Linda told me, "Pancakes? No, I just woke up." I grinned widely as I told her, "That's a shame, 'cuz I've got Butters!" I then shifted Butters so that she could see him, and Linda gasped as she asked, "Butters! Is… Is he okay?"
I nodded as I told him, "He's better than okay. He's finally himself, and only himself. But that's not all." "What do you mean?" Linda asked me, and I stepped aside to let Linda see Call Girl holding Marjorine. Her eyes widened as she muttered, "Wait, that's the girl from Butters' drawings." She looked back and forth between them as she told me, "Why don't you come inside? Your parents might not like it if they see you out here before the sun comes up."
Call Girl then handed Marjorine off to Linda, and we took the both of them to bed before going back to the living room, Linda asking me once we had sat down, "So what happened? Who is that girl?" I explained to her about Marjorine and how she had been another personality of Butters, and once I was done, she looked down and remarked, "Oh, Butters. You're such a sweet boy." She then looked to me and said, "You know, I always wanted a daughter. I didn't think this is how I'd get one, but I think Marjorine will be just fine with us. I'll help her adjust to… well, having her own body. In the meantime, you need to get home to bed."
I stifled a yawn as I told her, my voice just about dead, "You don't need to tell me twice. 'Night, Mrs. Stotch. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, I left for Cartman's house, reluctantly going down to the Coon Lair. Once inside, I found all of them sitting at the main table, and I took my usual place as they all sat silently.
After a moment, Coon sighed and told us all, "Okay, I'll say what everyone else is thinking. That mission was a total fucking failure." All of us agreed sadly, Mosquito buzzing and me saying nothing as my voice was now shot. Human Kite told the group, "That cheese guy said that there was a kingpin trying to raise crime in the streets JUST for the sake of raising crime, and that Scrambles is most likely with him. We need to find out who he is."
All of us got thoughtful looks at that, and Captain Diabetes asked, "Who would do something like that, though? To create crime just for the sake of having more crime?" Nobody said anything for a moment before Coon gasped and muttered, "Wait a minute, could it be? No, no it couldn't." All eyes turned to him at his words, and Fastpass asked, "D-Do you have an idea, Coon?"
Coon looked down in thought before getting out of his seat and explaining to us as he typed on his iPad, "There's only one person I know who would create crime just to have more crime." "Who?" Super Craig asked, and Coon moved to the side to show us a picture of a hand puppet with eyes and lipstick drawn on it as he told us, "Mitch Conner." 'What the fuck?' I asked myself in confusion. "Mitch Conner?" Captain Diabetes asked, and Human Kite told the fat boy with annoyance, "No, no, no, no, no, no. We are not fucking falling for this again!"
"Who is Mitch Conner?" Fastpass asked in confusion, and Kite told the Speedster, "It's Cartman's dumbass hand puppet!" "So you think Mitch Conner is behind the crime wave in South Park?" Captain Diabetes asked Coon, and Kite told him in annoyance, "It's not Mitch fucking Conner!" "No, Human Kite is right, you guys!" Coon told us, surprisingly, and explained to us, "Conner died in an oil-rig explosion off Northern Alaska."
At that, Human Kite pushed his chair out and told us, "Fuck this. I'm going to bed." Before getting out of his seat and leaving the room. "Good idea, Human Kite. Everyone get to bed." He told the room before turning back to his iPad and staring at it as he slowly told us, "We'll meet up… after schoooool."
Relieved that I was finally dismissed, I exhaustedly stumbled back to my house and went up to my room, where I changed back into my normal clothes and wiped off my makeup before flopping down onto my bed still in my glasses, unconscious before I could even tuck myself under the covers.
And there's the chapter. I changed a couple things here. I honestly got sick of just calling Dova's powers "energy" and decided to give it an official name. Chaos is also gone, but don't worry, Butters isn't out of the game just yet. Thank you everyone for reading and I will see you in the next chapter. Feel free to leave a review, but please no flames. Coon out!
