A/N: Author 'Ragi here! I just want to say that all of you readers are freaking amazing! It doesn't seem like much when you review or favorite but it's the greatest thing ever to me. I love you all so virtual hugs and cookies for you! The chapter's song is "Einsamkeit" which just so happens to be Germany's character song! So listen away my friends!
Austria – Roderich Edelstein
The first three hours of school are filled with owl eyes. Feliciano feels the stares on his face during every second of every minute. Even the teachers can't help but to cast unnecessarily long glances. They don't do anything though. They merely continue on with their lectures as if they never saw anything to begin with. If he weren't feeling self-conscious enough as it was, Feliciano would have thrown a tantrum. Wasn't it the teacher's responsibility to ensure their student's safety? At this point, the only teacher that has shown any sort of concern for him has been Ms. Héderváry but that's her job.
The wait for lunch to start seems to take forever, sitting in those overcrowded classrooms, but lunch finally starts. It's not like Feliciano is hungry. He just wants to be able to go outside and let the fresh air calm his emotion. Besides, he knows for a fact that the albino assailant dislikes the bright sun and that going outside is probably the safest place for him to be.
The high school has park area set up behind the building. It's open all during the day, including lunchtime. Most of the time, people go there to be alone or to have some quiet time. There isn't much to it. It has cobblestone paths winding in no particular direction around trees and flower beds. To the right side of it is a set of swings to reveal the child in each teen. However, it isn't the swings that Feliciano is interested in. His eyes are set on the bench to the far left corner of the small park, hidden behind a small, yet elegant fountain.
Luckily, no one else is in the small park so when he finally takes a seat on the bench, tears begin to stream down his face. "What's wrong with me? Just because I am the way I am doesn't mean that others need to be mean." Feliciano buries his face in his hands, trying to staunch the flow of tears. The world just wants him to break. It wants to see him lifeless upon the ground with no one to weep over his loss. Stifled sobs shake his entire body. "What's wrong with me?"
The weather is pleasant. The sun is shining brightly enough to cast golden beams onto the small fountain. The running water seems to be made of liquefied gold. A small breeze pushes the swings across the park softly. The area is filled with the sounds of creaking swings, rustling leaves, and running water. It's peaceful. It seems to reflect the loneliness etched on the redhead's face. It's a good place for him to sort out his pounding thoughts.
Suddenly, there is soft clicking noise as the door to the park shuts closed. Worried at who the intruder is, Feliciano glances from around the fountain. To his surprise, the person he sees is not one to be scared over. Feliciano has seen him in the school almost every day. He is in a lot of his classes. He is serious looking with slicked back blond hair and ice blue eyes. His name is Ludwig. He's well known around the school for his athleticism. He doesn't have many friends though, known to be stoic and scary. Feliciano has never talked to him before. They are just too different of people to converse with each other. There will be very little in common between them. Feliciano is girly, wimpy, and loud. Ludwig is almost the exact opposite. He's manly and only says things when they are necessary.
Ludwig begins to head over to the swings when Feliciano lets out a particularly loud sob. He didn't mean for it to come out… it just did. The blonds head snaps to Feliciano's direction and their eyes lock. Recognition immediately registers in his mind. This is the guy from earlier who was scared away just by seeing his brother. Mind steeled, he walks over to the redhead and, without a word, sits by him on the bench.
Feliciano wants to run away. He wants to bolt into the school and find a new sanctuary. But inside, he knows the albino is waiting for him. At least there is a chance this stranger will not try to hurt him. It's safer here than inside. Therefore, he does his best to stifle his sobs and dry his tears. He shouldn't show a classmate his weakness when he is already the laughingstock of the school.
Minutes stretch by as longs as days and not a single word is spoken. Feliciano still cannot quell his wavering heart. The stress is just too much to bear. All at once, he begins to cry harder than before. Does anybody love him? He knows his brother does and maybe his friends but that's a very small number for all the expanse of the world. His vision is completely blurred by salty tears.
Almost unconsciously, Ludwig reaches out and begins to rub Feliciano's back. The redhead flinches at the contact but relaxes as it sends comfort running through his veins. Ludwig stares at the hunched over teen. Is this really what Gilbert has done? It's unspeakable. And that bruise obviously was not caused by running into a telephone pole. There are even imprints of where knuckles made contact. The fury rising up in Ludwig's chest is forced down by the smaller teen's whimpers.
As Feliciano's sobs lessen, his eyelids begin to droop heavily. The rhythmic motions of Ludwig's hand begin to lull Feliciano into a stupor. As his tears cease, he leans towards Ludwig and rests his head on the blonds lap. Red color shoots up to Ludwig's cheeks at the unexpected act. He is about to object when a soft voice floats up to his ears.
"Thank you…"
The redhead closes his eyes and falls asleep in Ludwig's lap. The red burns brighter on the blonds face. What is he getting worked up over anyways? It's not as if this teen is a complete stranger. His name is Feliciano. He has always been a bright person. No matter who you were, it was hard not to smile when the ball of energy entered a room. He could go up to anybody and initiate a conversation with them. He was hardly ever seen without a smile… until now. Ludwig, personally, has never conversed with Feliciano. They had many of the same classes but Ludwig has never taken the time to get to know him. When news passed around about Feliciano's little secret, the blond hardly took note of it. What would it matter to him? People are free to like whoever they want. Still, when word got around, Feliciano's energy began to lessen. His smile never reached those caramel eyes of his. He became passive when talking to people he didn't know.
With a sigh, Ludwig leans his head back against the bench, resting his hand on Feliciano's hair. He stares up at the baby blue sky. Why is he doing this? It's isn't as if he owes Feliciano anything. Well, sure, his brother may be beating him up but that doesn't mean he needs to get involved. If anything, it should be Gilbert here, trying to calm the redhead down. Still, it's hard to leave someone alone when they are in such a state. Before he realizes it, Ludwig follows Feliciano's lead and closes his eyes.
…
Ethereal Feliciano awakens in a new area of his world. This one is different than the other places he's been. There are people. Of course, there is nobody he knows. Nobody knows him either. It is set in a medieval time era. The men are all wearing uncomfortable looking suits and baring canes. The ladies have long, large dresses and parasols to shade themselves from the setting sun. Vendors line the streets, trying to sell the last of their wares before having to pack up. There is a lot of hustle and bustle but it's not oppressive. It's lively and Ethereal Feliciano just wants to get swept away and let the crowd take him to wherever they flow. However, just as he's about to step into the throng of people, he feels a hand on his shoulder. He whips around to try and catch sight of the person but he fades from view almost immediately. He wasn't even able to catch a glance at who it was.
He stares at the crowd once more and decides that getting lost would not be the best thing to do. He turns tail and begins to walk into a pure white vastness. There is nothing to see but white. No sky, no grass, and as Feliciano takes a step in and turns around, even the medieval city disappeared into the emptiness. This is unusual. Normally, Ethereal Feliciano only goes to places where he is comforted and safe. Not this time though. First a place with people and now nothing. Was this a sign? Is he finally dead? What is happening?
Scared, he screams out for help. Yet no sound is released from his mouth. Ethereal Feliciano begins to run in no particular direction but it feels as if his feet are weighed down by invisible barbells. He feels like he's moving in slow motion. The whiteness is causing a horrible throbbing in his temples. How could such a pure color seem so devious? Ethereal Feliciano falls onto his hands and knees, legs unable to support his weight any more.
The white ground is sucking him into their hidden depths. He tries to search for help in this vast emptiness but sees nothing. Just as he is about to finally be whisked away, the white beings to merge into hair, and from the hair, a face appears. It sneers at him, glaring with dark red eyes. His assailant laughs as Ethereal Feliciano fades from view.
…
Ludwig suddenly wakes up from his nap when the redhead on his lap suddenly starts to thrash around, wailing as if his throat is being slit. Terrified, Ludwig grabs a hold of Feliciano's shoulders and shakes them.
"Oi! Wake up! You're dreaming!"
Feliciano snaps out of his nightmare, only to see Ludwig's face filling his field of vision. Those ice blue eyes are laced with a concern that even Lovino hasn't shown. Unexpectedly, he feels his face heating up. His eyes sting from all of the tears previously shed. Feliciano suddenly feels self-conscious. His eyes must be bloodshot, hair a mess.
Just as Feliciano is about to stutter an apology for falling asleep on him, Ludwig suddenly asks, "Are you okay?"
In that single moment, Feliciano's heart flips. Somebody cares. A person, a stranger, actually cares. Those troublesome tears prick the corners of his eyes once again. This person, Ludwig, is worried about him. Without thinking, he flings his arms around Ludwig's shoulders and buries his face in his neck, crying once again. Even in his dreams, he isn't safe from that upperclassman.
Feliciano could care less if Ludwig will get offended by the sudden hug. He could care less if Ludwig hates the contact. Feliciano just needs someone to hold. Lovino won't let him hug him. Yao and Toris aren't into physical displays of affection. Even if Ludwig hates him later for hugging him, he just wants this moment to last. Feliciano just wants someone to care, if only for a second.
To his surprise, however, the blond wraps his hands around Feliciano. Very quietly, Ludwig whispers, "I promise. Things always get worse before they get better. This torture won't last forever." Ludwig holds the smaller one close for a second before pushing them apart. With a small smile he extends a hand to Feliciano. "I'm Ludwig."
For a moment, Feliciano stares at the outstretched hand. It's large and calloused, proof that the owner is a hard worker. It's as open as its owners heart is. Tentatively, Feliciano takes it with his own hand, so much smaller in comparison. "Feliciano," the redhead answers, wiping his eyes with his other hand. There is a pause. Then finally, "Ludwig, can I hold onto you a little bit longer?"
For a moment, he considers refusing but the sad look on Feliciano's face makes it hard to say no. He gives a nod of approval and Feliciano responds immediately, latching on closely to the blond. Ludwig, falling into the previous habit of rubbing Feliciano's back, lets him talk about his family, including his older brother Lovino. He starts telling Ludwig about when he began to question his sexuality and how conflicted he's been since coming clean. The more he speaks, the more his grip tightens onto Ludwig. He spills about how scared he is to go to school. He even brings up the incidents with Lovino's car being vandalized.
"Feliciano," Ludwig interrupts during a slight pause.
"Hm?"
"I have no idea how long we've been out here. We should go back to class."
For a moment, Feliciano thinks this over. They did fall asleep. "Well, you can go if you want. I think I want to stay here for the rest of the day." Feliciano snuggles his head further into Ludwig's neck. He wants Ludwig to stay and hold him. He wants to tell Ludwig everything that's been bothering him. He doesn't want the blond to stop rubbing his back. He can't tell him this though. He's already asked for so much, even without saying anything.
For what seems like forever, Ludwig says nothing. He considers the repressions if he doesn't attend the rest of his classes and then those of leaving Feliciano on his own. There is no mistake on what he needs to do. "I don't mind staying longer," he answers slowly, thoughtfully. "I will hear out whatever you want to say."
Feliciano brightens up, moving so he can see Ludwig's face. "Are you serious?" Seeing Feliciano's caramel eyes so lively and close, sends Ludwig's heart into a flurry. Not trusting his voice, Ludwig nods. Feliciano hugs him again, this time with enthusiasm. "Thank you, Ludwig!"
Said blond suddenly feels his throat constrict. Why does his heart jump when Feliciano says his name? "Of course, Feliciano," he replies.
"You know… Ludwig is sort of hard to say. Can I call you Luddy?"
Not for the first time during this whole episode, Ludwig blushes. "That's fine."
"And you can call me Feli, okay?"
"I can deal with that."
…
Feliciano walks out of the school, into the parking lot and he's suddenly jumped by his brother. "God dammit, Feli! You had me worried as hell!" He wraps his arms around his younger brother. "You're okay right? No one hurt you? You weren't in any of your afternoon classes."
Feliciano smiled at this brother. "No. I actually had a really nice time."
Lovino pulls back to look at his brother's face. "You're serious? Nothing bad happened?"
"No. I made a new friend." Feliciano cannot stop the blush that rises on his cheeks. For once, he felt loved… actually loved.
Lovino stares for a moment. "Alright… if you say so. Let's go home, alright?" As they begin to walk through the parking lot, Lovino asks, "So where were you hiding all day?"
Feliciano gives his brother a smile. "I was in the park area behind the school."
Suddenly, the elder brother halts in his tracks. "How'd you get in there? Mr. Edelstein made that place off limits after lunchtime. He even put up a sign."
"I must have gone there before that… Why was it off limits?"
The brunette shrugs. "I don't really know. Some people caught him taking a step outside for a moment and when he came back in, he declared it off limits. No one really knows."
In that instant, Feliciano thinks he knows the reason. He doesn't say anything to Lovino though.
…
The two arrive home to find a car parked in the driveway. Lovino turns off the car and rubs his temple. "I forgot to tell you, Feli. I planned on having a friend over for dinner today. I hope you don't mind."
A brunette steps out of the car in their driveway. Feliciano's eyes widen in horror as a familiar face draws closer. It has watched him be beaten. It is one of his nightmares.
"Feliciano, I'd like you to meet Antonio."
A/N: And there you have it. Cliffhanger? I think yes. I'm sorry for the long wait. In hopes of trying to make up for my late update, I made it a bit longer than usual. Tell me your thoughts! Send me ideas! And thanks again for the support.
