Fourth chapter here! Does anyoen care that I dont know of? I dont know. Anyways, lets get the disclaimer out of the way, and on to the story.
Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto, Getbackers, Slayers, Vampire Hunter D, any food brands mentioned, any copywrited videogame series, Kill Bill, Miramax, and probably a couple of other things I forgot to mention. But if you can buy it in a store, we dont own it.
Note: Italics are thinking..incase you didnt know.
Chapter Four: Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
"Dude, I haven't seen these movies for a while." Mandy grinned as the Miramax logo came up. It was a little strange, due to the fact that it was a small TV, and everyone was crowded around it.
"But it's hard to see from back here." Naga said confusedly. Mandy stared at her for a second, noting that both her and Lina had taken seats as close to the kitchen as they could get.
"Uh, Naga? These movies are reeealllly violent, and there's a LOT of blood." Now the "Feature Presentation" was on. Naga turned white, then got up and practically ran out of the room, knocking Naruto and Kite over as she passed.
"What's her problem?" someone asked. Mandy turned around and blinked at the person asking the question.
"I'm sorry, who are you?"
"…"
"Just kidding!" Mandy laughed, pounding Shikamaru on the back and laughing. "She's afraid of blood. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure myself."
"You know about that, too?" Lina Inverse asked, curious in spite of herself. Shikamaru boredly got up and walked into the kitchen, where he could be heard opening the fridge and rummaging around inside. Mandy shrugged.
"There are a lot of theories floating around, but nothing's really been confirmed officially."
Meanwhile:
"Bill….it's your bab-" BANG! The sound of the gunshot made everybody jump.
"HE SHOT HER!" Naruto screeched, causing everyone to cringe. "HE SHOT HER!" Lee then joined in the shouting ("THIS BILL LACKS THE POWER OF YOUTH, IF HE CAN SHOOT HIS CHILD'S MOTHER SO HEARTLESSLY!"), and what made the whole situation funny, in a demented, blood-soaked sort of way, was that Lee meant every word of it. This went on for a few minutes, until Samantha, brow twitching angrily, decided she had had enough.
"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW OR I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU!" she roared, standing up and grabbing Seikai's katanas from their spot on the faux fireplace. The room fell silent, except for the Bride yelling at Buck for him to tell her where Bill was between slamming his head in the hospital door.
"Okay, now I'm reeeeallly glad the neighbors aren't here." Seikai stared as Samantha sat back down, holding the katanas in her lap.
"What the hell was that about?" Kyle whispered. Mandy sighed.
"Remember how I said Samantha has an anger problem?"
"Hyeah…."
"Well, she gets like Gaara sometimes."
A pause. "Oh. So we're stuck in a crowded apartment with a psychopath."
"Yeah, pretty much." Mandy patted him on the back. "Don't worry; hopefully she'll kill off Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru before she gets to us."
"What do you have against me, anyway?" Kakashi asked from behind his porn.
"I just don't like you." Mandy shrugged. "You're creepy."
"And what about Orochimaru?" Kyle asked.
"He's terrifying."
"…" Sasuke may have been silent through this whole ordeal, but in his mind, he was coming up with ways to make that woman with the swords shut up. What was with her, anyway? That 'Mandy' girl had compared her to something called 'Eva 01', and judging from several of their hosts' expressions, this was a bad thing, especially with the reassurance that she wouldn't eat them. Was she a cannibal? Some part of him wondered if she would kill his brother for him, but an image of Itachi floating face-down in a pot of boiling, blood-saturated water crossed his mind, before being replaced with a bowl of ramen, which was then eaten by Naruto. He shook his head as the insane images continued. God, he'd only been in this hell-hole for three hours and he was already going mad! What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he be back at home in his, peaceful, deathly silent estate where he could train nonstop? Why did he have to be stuck with all these-these losers?
"Oi, Sasuke-bastard, you okay?" Naruto asked, staring at his friend/rival/whatever the hell he was at the moment. The Uchiha boy was sitting in the corner, head pressed against his knees, and- was he mumbling to himself? "SASUKE-BASTARD'S POSSESSED!"
"Can I kill him?" Samantha asked no one in particular as Naruto began screaming about ghosts, and 'snake-fags' until Kakashi knocked him out. No one paid any attention, though, and the movie marathon was over.
"Doesn't insanity run in Sasuke's family?" Mandy wondered aloud as 'J-E-N-O-V-A' began playing. Fortunately, no one was paying attention. Thank god. She felt like she'd caused enough trouble that night. Neji was still in the corner, and was casting death glares at anyone who tried to talk to him. 'I hope this doesn't affect him in the long run. God, what if we screw up their future or something? The fans'll kill us, especially the fangirls. Heh. Now I wish I had gotten one of Sei-chan's T-shirts at the con last year. Fear the Fangirls. That is so true, it isn't funny. But yeah, this could be bad. About the most we can do is tell them to do whatever they normally do when they get home, and do their best to forget about us. Or ignore us. Yeah, forgetting might be a good thing. I have a feeling they'll want to forget as much of this as they can. But I don't think Samantha's dad has the technology for erasing memories, but maybe if they could be buried…yeah, like in Spirited Away! Just because you can't remember something doesn't mean it never happened!'
"-Lo? Hellooo?" She blinked as she noticed that Kitty was waving her hand in her face.
'Aw geez, I spaced out again.' She stared at her friend, noticing that Kyle, Hinata, Naruto, Lee, Samantha, and Kakashi were staring at her. 'This is so wrong in so many ways.'
"What?" she snapped angrily, wishing she had some sharp object to threaten them with. 'Wait, the ninjas have sharp things pointed at them almost daily, they probably won't be affected that much. Dammit.
"Well, Seikai wants us to leave, as we seem to have driven Sasuke and a few of our other guests into a homicidal rage." Kyle drawled.
"Dude, they're ninjas. They're almost always homicidal." Mandy shrugged. "How else are they supposed to be? Friendly, polite, live in the sewers?"
"Okay, now that's just insulting." Kakashi looked like he was glaring. 'Ooh, scary. The masked Cyclops speaks! Or maybe he isn't a Cyclops, maybe he's a fucking robot!'
"Can it, Kuchisake Kakashi!" she screeched, throwing her GBA, beaning him in the face. There was an awkward silence.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Naruto screamed, pointing at her. "YOU HIT KAKASHI SENSEI!" Everyone turned and stared at the sensei in question, who was staring at the GBA like it was one of the most interesting things he had ever seen.
"What? He was asking for it! Now can you people get out of the way so I can fucking go HOME ALREADY?" Mandy finally snapped. She had to shove her way past Naga (who had finally come out of the back room to see what was going on) and a very freaked out looking Ginji to get her shoes on and grab her coat. 'Aggh, I wish I could've just gone home today! I hate this! Hatehatehatehatehate!'
Back in the living room:
"….What the hell was that about?" Jiraiya asked as Mandy returned and packed up her laptop. Kyle shrugged.
"I'd say she finally snapped."
"It's always the quiet ones." Kitty sighed, nodding sagely as Mandy grabbed her backpack and purse, and then left. The apartment door slammed violently, and at least two pictures fell off the wall.
"And how old is she?"
"Oh, we're all in the twenty to twenty-two age range."
"I think we just met this world's equivalent to Anko." Kakashi shuddered, then brightened up. "Hey, it's still working!"
"What?"
"This." He held up the GBA as the Final Fantasy I & II title screen came up. He began randomly pushing buttons.
"I can give it to her when I leave." Kitty sighed. She turned around and did a double take.
"You're playing Mandy's Final Fantasy game?"
"No, I started a new one."
"…." No wonder Mandy got so pissed…' Kyle thought as Kakashi sat down on the tiny couch (forgetting that it was rather low to the floor, so he actually fell a few inches before actually sitting down next to a disturbed Kite) and began playing.
"Hey, wait a minute." Brian looked around for a second. "Where'd Samantha go?"
Two blocks away:
"Hey!" Samantha shouted, running up to Mandy, who seemed to be having a relatively hard time walking fast due to all the weight. Maybe it was the extra snow that had been falling all day. "You going home?"
"I'm going back to my apartment, yes." Mandy yawned. 'God, I'm tired.'
"How far away is it?"
"Hmmm…" Mandy thought. "Well, considering that it's easier for me to find my way back home from Sei-chan's, and I always get lost coming to Sei-chan's, I'd say about, fifteen to twenty minutes." She yawned again, making a barely audible cracking sound.
'Damn jawbone.'
"…I'll carry your laptop for you, then." Samantha smiled. "Hey, do you think they bought it?"
Now it was Mandy's turn to be confused. "…Bought what?" 'Oh god, being in the 'real world' must've made her delusional.'
"The whole 'psycho' act I did back there." Samantha's smile was really big, and hard not to notice. 'God, please don't let her do that freaky Gai-Sensei smile thing.'
"You mean that was an act?" 'WTF? Then again…'
"Well, yeah! It wouldn't exactly be nice if I started killing people. But it did get them to shut up."
"Dude, didn't you hear me in there? They're ninjas. They make a living killing people. And if that one kid was there, you would've ended up dead."
"…I have no idea who you're talking about." Samantha frowned. "This thing is heavy."
"Well, there's the laptop, the AC Adaptor, and some books in there."
"How many books?"
"Two."
"This thing has to weigh 20 pounds!" Samantha complained.
"Well, you can relax when we get back to my place." Mandy sighed as they made it to the main road they had to cross. "See, we just have to cut across the park and go over another street to make it. And you can get on the internet and do research on the ninjas."
"You know a lot about them, why don't you just tell me?"
"I know enough, and there's a lot of information I can't divulge."
"Lemme guess;" Samantha asked sarcastically, "You'll get killed if you say anything."
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Damn, that sucks."
"Tell me about it."
Back at Seikai's apartment:
"Ok, so Samantha went after Mandy?" Kyle asked incredulously. "Are you sure that's a good thing? I mean, she threatened to kill us earlier."
"She was talking to Naruto and Lee." Shikamaru spoke up from where he was lounging in the small armchair. "That should've been obvious."
"…That's certainly true." Lina grumbled as she munched on her fiftieth (or was it her hundredth?) cookie that night. "Those guys are louder than Naga."
"That's a little too true." Seikai laughed. "Where was Naga during all that, anyway?"
"She was in the back room." Shikamaru lazily pointed towards the hallway. "Something about not liking blood."
"It's a good thing we didn't get too far in the movie, then."
"Is it that bad?"
"Oh yes." Kitty said, nodding. "It's like, seeing what goes through Mandy's head while
she listens to music."
"…What?"
"Oh, she comes up with ideas for writing, drawing, and even videos while she listens to music. Heck, she started work on this one video once she got that computer of hers." She laughed. "I've seen it, it's very violent. Lots of blood and gore."
There was a collective silence as the shinobi and everyone else took this bit of information in.
"So… she's a psycho?" Naruto asked, eyes widening. "I'm going to be staying with a psycho?"
"For two weeks." Seikai held two fingers up for emphasis.
"TWO WEEKS?!" Naruto screamed, throwing the cookie he was eating at the smiling club leader. It hit her right between the eyes. "ME AND HINATA-CHAN ARE GOING TO LIVE WITH A PSYCHO FOR TWO WEEKS?"
"Nice aim." Kitty commented as Seikai began wiping stray cookie crumbs off her face.
"But, no, Mandy isn't a psycho. You guys just tend to…bring out the worst in her."
"But we haven't even done anything to her." Sakura protested, taking a sideways glance at Sasuke, who had finally calmed down and was looking out the window disinterestedly.
"She's weird that way." Kyle shrugged. "If you want any details, you should probably ask her."
"Whoa, you weren't kidding about that whole 'secrecy' thing these guys have going on." Samantha stated as she scrolled through the Wikipedia pages for the Naruto series. "Huh. I knew there was something funny about that Naruto kid. I had no idea it was like-"
"Just to be safe, don't say anything." Mandy interrupted from her seat on the bed, where she was reading 'The Last Unicorn'. "For all we know, they decided to follow us back here."
"…Somehow I doubt that." Samantha muttered from the small sofa. "So nobody else knows?"
"Dude," Mandy stared at her friend like she was nuts. "Naruto is one of the most popular anime and manga out right now. They have no secrets here, everybody knows them. Hell, it's a wonder that so many of the characters haven't noticed at least one of the secrets. And since the poster they came off of was from the first series, it's like time travel or something."
"Yeah, I kinda figured that from reading some of this stuff."
"Uh-huh. Oh shit."
"What?"
"I just remembered that I should really call my parents and tell them I'm bringing some friends over for the holidays." Mandy gasped. "Oh god, this is gonna be difficult."
"Why?"
"Dude, how would you tell your parents that you're bringing some extra dimensional visitors home, and that one of them has… issues? They know when I'm lying!"
"…" Samantha just stared as Mandy began to freak out. 'If someone had told me that the one that created me was a spazmatic college student before all this, I would have laughed. I can't believe how…normal this all seems.'
"Oh dear god, Naruto acts just like Brian when the ADHD was at its worst! God, we were at each others' throats back then, with the kicking, screaming, hitting, and throwing stuff at each other… The Thomas trains hurt the most, and yet they were the most fun to throw." She turned and asked, "Did you ever have fights like that with your family?"
"You created me, you should know." Samantha blinked confusedly.
"I know a lot about you, but I don't know everything about you." Mandy sighed. "It's like Calvin and Hobbes. You ever read that?"
"Yeah, I have that three book complete set."
"Lucky. Well, you know about 'The Noodle Incident' and that bedtime story Calvin has his Dad read to him?"
"Yeah."
"Well, the basic ideas of those things are given to the reader, it's the specifics that are left to the imagination. To put it simply, I know the basics about you, but I don't know all the details. The character writes him/herself, and not even the creator has complete control. Hell, that's one of the rules of life, both real and fictional: One person cannot have total control over others. I mean-"
"Okay, I get it, I get it." Samantha sighed, waving her hand dismissively. "You sound like my dad whenever he tries to explain one of his projects."
"Oh yeah." Mandy laughed. "I forgot about him."
"How can you forget someone you created?" Samantha asked, raising an eyebrow curiously. Mandy shrugged as she returned to reading her book.
"I'm like that with everyone. It's nothing personal, it's just that I'm bad at remembering names and faces."
"Everyone?" Samantha stared. "Even your own family?"
"Yep, especially the relatives I never see." Mandy grinned as she said this. "It's always awkward, because they remember me and I have no idea who the hell they are."
"I'm sure it's difficult for you." Samantha sighed as she continued scrolling through the Wikipedia pages on Naruto. "Whoa, Sasuke has an older brother?"
"Yep. Itachi's like a younger version of John List." Mandy sighed. Samantha blinked.
"Who's John List?" Mandy sighed.
"Dude, you're on one of the largest online encyclopedias ever, and they have information on almost everything. Why don't you look him up?" Samantha nodded, and typed away. Her eyes widened.
"Holy #&ing crap!" she exclaimed, face paling. "He… he killed his entire family and no one noticed?" Mandy nodded.
"Not for a month, anyway. Hell, when Itachi murdered everyone in his family, the people in charge of Konohagure decided to cover it up and tell the non-shinobi public that they all died in an accident. Yep, that shows how much they care when they fail to tell their people that a mass-murderer is on the loose."
"Wow. You really don't like these guys, do you?"
"Ninja policies never work out well. Everybody has to die in the end."
"That sounds pretty depressing." Samantha commented dryly.
"Well, yeah. Everybody in the show is a mess. Like the guys from Evangelion."
"…That's pretty sad."
"For the last time;" Kitty sighed, exasperated as Naruto was still freaking out about him and Hinata going home with the club's 'resident psycho', "Mandy is NOT going to kill you or Hinata!"
"Yeah," Kyle interjected, grinning evilly. "She'd rather kill Kakashi than you."
"And why would she like to kill me, anyway?" Kakashi asked from the battle with Lich, the Fiend of Earth.
"Yes, please explain that little factor." Orochimaru spoke up from the kitchen doorway, startling everyone. Kite dropped the book he was reading.
"What were you doing in there?" Seikai narrowed her eyes. "You better not've poisoned any of our food!"
"Why would I do that?" he asked calmly, watching with amusement as the other Shinobi drew their weapons and prepared for a fight. "I have to eat too, you know."
"He has a point." Kyle shrugged.
"Okay, this is just weird." Wolfy remarked as an uneasy calm settled in the room. Kitty blinked, then remembered something.
"Oh, right. Naruto," she called. The hyperactive ninja blinked and turned, noodles dangling from his mouth. 'What else is new?'
"Yeah?" he asked, in a muffled voice, noodle bits flying everywhere as he spoke.
"I'm going to head over to the apartments. You, Sakura, Lee (she pretended not to notice Sakura's grimace at this) and Hinata can come over and get to know Mandy better." Seeing the wary look on his face (think whenever Gai and Lee get all 'youthful'), she added "Don't worry, she's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, even if she can get a little psychotic at times."
Back at Mandy's apartment, Mandy and Samantha were happily watching Raiders of the Lost Ark and cheering whenever a Nazi died, even throwing popcorn at the portable DVD player ("Take that, Nazi scum! Mwahahahahaha!") occasionally. Therefore, they were surprised when there was a knock on the door.
"Whatcha doin'?" Kitty asked as Naruto, Lee, Sakura and Hinata peered into the relatively messy apartment. Samantha waved and cheered as the bald Nazi got chopped up by the Flying Wing. Mandy grinned.
"Watching Nazis suffer!" Kitty returned the grin.
"That's always fun."
"Yeah, death to the slime of humanity!" Mandy cheered.
"Are you sure Naruto and Hinata will be okay with her?" Sakura asked flatly. Kitty rolled her eyes.
"For the last time, yes, they'll be fine."
"B-but y-y-y-you said she d-d-doesn't like s-s-shinobi." Hinata stuttered. Mandy sighed.
"I'm not a big fan of Shinobi policies and how they handle things, Hinata. I don't have anything against you or Naruto-kun." She looked over at Naruto, who was staring at Mandy's manga collection with fascination (thankfully, there were a few in Japanese), before looking back at Hinata and grinning. "So," Mandy declared, pointing skyward dramatically in a move too reminiscent of Gai and Lee that Sakura felt like screaming (actually, Mandy was acting more like Amelia from Slayers, but they wouldn't know that), "As long as I am around him, Naruto shall be my unofficial little brother!"
"WHAT?!" Sakura shouted, joined by Naruto ("Wow, surround sound." Kitty remarked). Mandy waved her hands at them dismissively.
"Yeah, yeah, keep it down, OK? There's still some neighbors around here, and we're probably disturbing them."
A few minutes later in Kitty's top floor apartment, the small group was having a meeting. Kitty was chattering away with Lee, while Mandy and Naruto had left the room and-went into the bathroom? This thought quickly disintegrated as something caught her attention.
"Hey…" she asked Sakura cautiously, "Is there any chance that Jiraiya would have followed us?" Sakura paled considerably.
"…Why?"
"I saw something move over on the roof of the building next door."
In the bathroom:
"So, why are we in here?" Naruto asked. Mandy stared at him like he was an idiot.
"It's like, the only place in a house where you can get privacy. Besides," she said as she put the toilet cover down and sat on it, "What I am about to say is confidential."
"…" Naruto had a feeling he knew what was coming and he silently stared at the floor.
'No…she couldn't possibly…'
"Naruto;" Mandy started quietly, "I know about the Kyuubi no Youko." Naruto's eyes widened and he stood still, panicked. Mandy stared at him. "…You okay?"
"H-how?" he started stammering, obviously freaked out. Mandy rolled her eyes as she got up and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Dude, your world is a comic book and TV show here. Everybody knows about it. And you know what?" she asked cheerfully ('How can she be happy about this?" Naruto wondered) "They don't care. Dude, most of them would vote for you as Hokage if they could. You have a gift, kid, and it may be a curse at times, but it will help and hinder you throughout your life." To Naruto's embarrassment, Mandy bent down to face his stomach and-"You listening, Kyuubi-Dono? Take care of Naruto-nii. He won't always have his friends to help him out."
This was interrupted by Kitty knocking on the door, then opening it to this curious sight.
"Is his stomach okay?" she asked quietly. Naruto stared at her.
"She knows too?" he whispered. Mandy nodded.
"We all do here." She said quietly, patting his head. "And we don't give a fuck."
"Do you always have to swear like that?" Kitty sighed. "By the way, Mandy, it looks like Jiraiya followed us here."
"Really?"
On the roof of the apartment building next door:
"I'm telling you, Kakashi, there's something funny going on there!" Jiraiya was saying as he and Kakashi watched the goings-on in Kitty's apartment (she had one of those big apartments that had sliding glass doors and a balcony, so peeping was unusually easy for the perverts).
"Like what?" Kakashi asked as the infamous Victory Song played again.
"You're still playing that?" Jiraiya asked, before his attention was diverted back to the apartment. "…What are they doing in there?"
"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked lazily.
"That psycho girl just dragged Naruto into another room and shut the door." A perverted grin spread across Jiraiya's face and just as he was about to start spouting off some perverted nonsense -
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PERVERTS DOING!" Mandy screeched from Kitty's balcony. A closer look revealed that she had a pair of binoculars around her neck.
"N-Nothing?" Jiraiya shouted back. Samantha and Kitty had also appeared, Samantha was holding a large kitchen knife and Kitty had a hammer.
"Now you're in for it." Kakashi grinned.
"She said perverts! Plural!" Jiraiya snapped.
We'll just leave it up to the readers to imagine what happened next. Let's just say it wasn't pretty.
And that was an interesting chapter. I almost feel sorry for Jiraiya and kakashi...almost. Well please read and review. Though flames shall be used to melt the ice from my car in this negative degree weather. later!
