A/N: I. Fucking. Like. It. So back off! In case the title wasn't warning enough, this is a KISAME X DEIDARA lemon!


Kisame was lying on his bed, thinking perfectly wholesome and clean thoughts when his partner walked in. "Do fish explode?" Itachi asked. Kisame, quite convinced he was dreaming, sat up and looked at Itachi.

"Not that I'm aware of. . ." he said slowly. Itachi nodded.

"Then you shall be partnered with Deidara for a mission. Leader-sama says so."

". . .the fuck?"

"You. Deidara. Mission. Now." Itachi turned and left, obviously because he had better things to do than explain things to a very confused shark man. Kisame sat up on his bed, swinging his legs over the side. Great. He was on a mission with his own boyfriend. Now, as long as they didn't get near any sources of water, Kisame would be able to follow all of Deidara's rules. And then everything fell apart.


"No, Leader, please, you can't send me to go retrieve a scroll from the bottom of a lake with Deidara!" Kisame pleaded. Leader sighed. It seems he was always questioning his choice of employees.

"Kisame, please, give me three good reasons to switch Deidara," Leader said tiredly.

"For one, Deidara will fucking hate me. For two, Deidara will fucking castrate me. For three, when he does castrate me, he'll fucking like it!" Leader sighed.

"Kisame, unless your ability to reproduce helps you complete missions, which I highly doubt, then I have no problem with letting Deidara hate you, castrate you, and like it."

"But-"

"Kisame, are you trying to imply something?" Leader growled. "Do you need to have your reproductive organs to complete missions?"

". . .no. . ."

"So go."


Deidara was oblivious. Either that or extremely subtle. But when faced with one of the two adjectives to label Deidara with, most would choose oblivious over extremely subtle. And Kisame was faced with this labeling as he stared at Deidara. Deidara, now being labeled as oblivious, was obliviously setting up camp, completely unaware of Kisame's lustful glances at his backside as he leaned down to roll out his sleeping roll. "Do you think it'll be cold tonight, yeah?" Deidara asked. Kisame knew Deidara always worried about being cold during the night. It wasn't as if Deidara would complain about sleeping in the snow, but when given the choice, warmth was high on his priority list. Despite this, Kisame didn't answer. He was too busy trying to keep his thoughts clean as it was after thinking about the words Deidara, warm, and night. Deidara stood up, brushing his knees off, and Kisame lurched into action, twirling Deidara around and pressing the small blond to his chest. Slowly he let his large hands drift to cup Deidara's ass.

"Deidara. . ." Kisame whispered huskily, hoping to make Deidara completely forget their rules.

"Kisame?" Deidara asked confusedly. "What-" Kisame squeezed Deidara's rear, and nipped lustfully at Deidara's ear.

"We're all alone now. . ." Kisame breathed, letting his hot breath play over Deidara's sensitive skin. He felt Deidara tense, and then, without any knowledge of how it happened, Kisame felt a stinging in his cheek. Stepping back, he saw Deidara glaring, hand still raised. Kisame's own hand flew to his cheek, as it suddenly dawned on him that he'd been slapped.

"You're a pig, un," Deidara snarled. "I thought we'd talked about this, yeah! We've only been 'together' for three months, hmm! You confess your love, I say sure, and then you want sex. How does that make me feel, hmm?" Deidara crossed his arms over his chest.

"But when are we ever going to get another chance like this?" Kisame argued.

"I'd rather live without sex than do it before I'm ready, un. And besides, it's not as if it would be any loss to you, yeah." Deidara set his jaw firmly, and Kisame knew he wouldn't win this battle.


Deidara was sopping wet, bloody, dirty, and very, very tired. But yet, as he slunk into his boyfriend's room, he felt a sense of calm and tranquility wash over him. Softly he stripped his shirt from his torso and was about to do the same with his pants when Kisame turned over and looked straight at him. "Sorry, un," Deidara whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up, hmm."

"'S all right," Kisame sighed groggily. "How'd your mission go?"

"Tobi ran out of food and ate mine, so we starved in the desert for five days, un," Deidara replied. Kisame rolled out of bed and stood up, looking down at the blond artist. He did look rather starved. His soft blond locks were matted with grime and blood, his skin weather-beaten and covered in dirt that the rain had failed to wash away.

"Come on, let's go get you cleaned up," Kisame said, taking Deidara's hand and leading him out of the room, not caring that he himself was still clad in only a pair of red boxers. Deidara allowed himself to be led to the bathroom, taken into the small room, and locked in. Though his instincts were telling him it was a trap, he trusted Kisame with the better part of his mind, and was able to ignore the part screaming that he was about to get raped.

Kisame started the shower, and then turned to Deidara. He had a smile on his face. He quickly strode over to Deidara and began to slowly, sensually, divest Deidara of his clothing. "K-Kisame. . ." Deidara breathed. "P-please don't. . ." Kisame sighed.

"We've been going for over a year now, Deidara."

"I- I know. . .that's sort of why. . ." Deidara trailed off, looking anywhere but the big blue man before him.

"Deidara, please, is it something I did?" Kisame pleaded. Deidara shook his head slowly eye tracing the floor. "I'm not smart, I mean, all I have to do is wave around a big sword and follow Itachi-san. But I do know enough to thank whatever fate there is, or God, or whatever, that a being as beautiful and artistic as you is able to stomach me. I'm not articulate, and I can't compose poetry, or tell you all the cute, fluffy things you deserve to hear. The only way I know how to tell you my feelings is to show you." Kisame hoped his little speech hadn't scared Deidara.

"I'm sorry," Deidara said softly. "It just seems that whenever I end up having sex. . .with someone. . .they end up leaving, like that's all they wanted. And- I mean, for once, I didn't want to loose someone." Deidara blushed deeply. Kisame chuckled, and knew he had won.

"Deidara, even if I only cared about sex, with my looks it would've been short-lived." Deidara made no reply. "Aw, Dei-chan. . ."

"Just. . ." Deidara trailed off, looking away.

"Yes?" Kisame was just about willing to do anything right now.

". . .be gentle?" Deidara asked, as if it were asking too much. Kisame smirked. Deidara was just too cute sometimes.

"Of course, Dei-chan," Kisame said, then crashed his smiling mouth to Deidara's. Slowly, he slid his hands into Deidara's pants. "But first, let's get you out of these clothes, hmm?" he mumbled against Deidara's lips. Deidara squeaked in surprise as he soon found his pants and boxers in a heap on the floor.

"Ah. . ." he gasped, wrapping his arms around Kisame's shoulders. Kisame grinned, letting his hands roam freely over Deidara's supple skin, finding bruises and cuts that had sutured closed. Seems the mission, though a success, was tough one.

Kisame pulled reluctantly away from Deidara, leading him to the shower. Deidara came willingly, anxiety knotting itself in his stomach. Kisame pulled him under the water, kissing him passionately. Deidara moaned, finding Kisame's wet, taut body pressed against his own. Kisame's tongue probed his own, running over Deidara's smooth gums and tough teeth. Deidara, now more interested, fought back, his own tongue darting and dancing with Kisame's. Kisame let his hands drift to Deidara's hips, planting them possessively. Deidara let himself fall against the wall, allowing himself to be halfway supported by Kisame's drip on his pelvis. Kisame, enjoying the dominating effect he was having on Deidara, broke their kiss and let his mouth slide up Deidara's jaw bone to his ear. Sucking lightly, Kisame let his teeth just barely graze Deidara's lobe.

Deidara moaned softly, craning his neck to expose more of his skin. Kisame pulled back and gulped. Deidara glanced up at him. "Be gentle?" he breathed, reading Kisame's mind. Kisame gave a slow nod, the inner shark in him screaming to bite. Essentially, the shark in him saw Deidara as prey. Deidara had only one demand, one request, and that was to be gentle. Letting his lips tentatively knead Deidara's ear once more, Kisame did his best to meet Deidara's demands.

Deidara let a gasp escape his lips, and Kisame smirked, trailing his mouth down Deidara's neck to suck viciously on the exposed skin. When he broke for air, he found a purple mark blooming beautifully on Deidara's neck. Kisame smirked. "Like that, Dei-chan?" he murmured, breathing heavily into Deidara's ear.

"Hai. . ." Deidara breathed. Kisame let his own hips press into Deidara's, their erections meeting. Deidara groaned, tossing his head to the side. Kisame grinned, plunging his mouth back down on Deidara's neck, thrusting forward with his hips. Deidara's moans escalated in volume, bucking his own hips to meet Kisame's. Kisame bit down, leaving another love bite on Deidara's neck. Deidara whimpered, and Kisame pulled back, smirking down at the artist. Tenderly, he took out Deidara's hair tie and threw it aside, running his hands through the matted, wet hair.

"I like it down," he murmured before crashing his lips onto Deidara's in a fiery kiss. Deidara let his arms wrap around Kisame's shoulders, palm mouths slobbering and licking at the blue flesh. Kisame chuckled, letting his hand drift to tweak one of Deidara's nipples. Deidara squirmed. Kisame looked down to the familiar chest mouth. "Can I play with it?" he asked softly. Deidara nodded shakily, not trusting his voice. Kisame grinned and quickly slid the stitching out and let it fall to the ground. The mouth lolled open, then gnashed its teeth expectantly. Deidara blushed, he didn't have all that much control over it. Cautiously, Kisame bent and pressed his own lips to the chest mouth's. Deidara gasped, arching off of the wall and pressing his chest more firmly against Kisame's mouth. Kisame smirked and forced his tongue into the mouth, finding his own soon filled with the slobbering tongue.

Deidara wormed his hands into Kisame's hair, holding him feebly. Devilishly biting down on the chest mouth's tongue, Kisame let his right hand slide down Deidara's wet stomach and grabbed a certain part of Deidara's anatomy. Deidara gasped, eye shooting open. "Kisame!" he panted. Kisame sucked on the tongue in his mouth, stroking Deidara's member into life as he did so.

After having his fill of the chest mouth, Kisame trailed kisses down Deidara's stomach, stopping only to dip his tongue into the artist's tummy-button, taking into account the shiver that ran through Deidara's spine and how his hands tightened in Kisame's hair. Kisame, smirking still, repeated the action, receiving a moan from Deidara. "Ticklish?" he asked cheekily. Deidara had his eye closed and was panting harshly. Kisame decided to lower his mouth further, nipping at the tip of Deidara's erection.

Kisame was now on his knees, hands on Deidara's hips partly to keep the artist from bucking, and partly to support his weary lover. Delicately, he let his tongue slip out and run over the tip of Deidara's penis, toying with the slit. Deidara gulped thickly, grasping Kisame's hair harder for support. Kisame slid just the tip past his lips, swirling his tongue, agonizingly slow, around the tip. Deidara whimpered, and Kisame decided to stop teasing his whacked lover. With one swift movement Kisame shoved Deidara's dick to the back of his throat, sucking harshly. Deidara gasped and moaned, bucking against Kisame's hands. Kisame growled around the erect appendage, keeping Deidara's hips firmly in place.

Deidara's hands, completely without his consent, snaked down to lick at Kisame's neck. Kisame smiled around Deidara's member, liking the sensation of two tongues on his neck. Deciding to pick up the pace, Kisame grazed his teeth along the sides of Deidara's erect member, making sure to be gentle in his ministrations. Deidara moaned, head thrashing from side to side. Kisame started swallowing around the tip, determined to bring Deidara to his climax. "Ah, K-Kisame. . .I'm close, un. . ." Deidara moaned. Kisame bobbed his head faster and harder, giving Deidara the friction to send him over the edge. With a cry, Deidara spilled his seed into Kisame's mouth. Kisame swallowed Deidara's fluids and held the blond up by his hips. Deidara's trembling breaths soon steadied, and Kisame trusted him to hold himself up. Kisame stood and smiled down at Deidara, then crashed their lips together. Deidara shuddered as Kisame's tongue probed and stroked his mouth.

"Well?" Kisame asked huskily. Deidara gulped, leaning his forehead on Kisame's shoulder. Kisame reached down and lifted one of Deidara's legs, placing it around his waist. Deidara closed his eye and wrapped his arms tighter around Kisame's neck. Kisame kissed Deidara fiercely as he plunged two fingers into Deidara's entrance. Deidara whimpered at the intrusion, but otherwise gave no other sign of discomfort. Kisame wondered exactly how used to this sort of thing Deidara was. Scissoring his fingers, Kisame searched for Deidara's prostate, and suddenly, when he found it, the blond artist went rigid, head arched back, a beautiful moan escaping his lips. Kisame grinned, letting his mouth trail down Deidara's neck. He added a third finger, Deidara shifting uncomfortably for only a moment or two before settling back, pain evidently subsided. Kisame, deciding Deidara didn't need anymore prep, pulled his fingers out and shoved his cock deep inside Deidara, strangling Deidara's cry with his lips. Deidara's body trembled, depending on Kisame for complete support.

Deidara panted, taking long, deep breaths. "Move," he growled. Kisame obliged, allowing Deidara to lean against the wall as he pulled almost all the way back out. Without hesitation, Kisame pounded back in, Deidara whimpering feebly. "Kisa. . ." he breathed. Kisame groaned, biting into Deidara's neck. Deidara cried out, his voice laced with pain. "Kisa!" Kisame stopped, mentally slapping himself for forgetting the rule.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Move," Deidara groaned. Kisame pulled out, and rammed back in, more force used this time than last. Deidara moaned, arching his back off the tiled wall. Kisame repeated his action, more and more force going into it each time. Deidara's moans grew louder, and finally he began to plead for more. "More. . .ah, Kisa, more!" he cried. Kisame, willing to give Deidara what he asked for, flipped the bomber over so that he was facing the wall on his knees. With all his strength, Kisame shoved up into Deidara. Deidara cried out, leaning his forehead against the wall. Kisame placed one hand on Deidara's waist, the other on the bomber's shoulder as he continued at a brutal pace. Deidara whimpered and moaned, pleas for more turning into cries of approval. "God. . .Kisame. . .yes, oh God yes. . ." Deidara panted. Kisame, not wanting to be the first one to cum, encircled Deidara's hardened member with his hand, stroking and pumping harshly. Deidara moaned loudly, bucking back into Kisame's hand. Kisame growled, his hand on Deidara's shoulder tightening. "Kisa. . .I'm- I'm-" it was getting hard for Deidara to form full sentences. But Kisame understood, and simply pumped harder, doing his best to throw Deidara over the edge. With one final cry of ecstasy, Deidara spilled his fluids all over Kisame's hand and the wall. Deidara slumped down, his hips in the air as Kisame continued to pound into his tight heat. A minute later Kisame too tumbles over the edge, groaning lowly and burying himself completely inside Deidara as he came.

Deidara seemed utterly spent, and as Kisame stood up, he helped the artist up as well. Deidara gave a shaky smile and wrapped his arms around Kisame's neck, kissing him shakily on the lips. Kisame smiled and pulled away, knowing Deidara was way more tired than he was letting on. Kisame, supporting Deidara, helped them both out of the shower and grabbed two towels. He wrapped one around Deidara, one around himself, picked up his boxers, and carried Deidara out of the bathroom. "I can walk on my own, Kisame," Deidara breathed. Kisame shrugged, knowing Deidara was lying.

"Sure, Deidara. Humor me, will you?"

"Fine, un," Deidara murmured, letting his head fall against Kisame's chest.


Deidara lay fast asleep, hair splayed out about his head, pale skin exposed till just below his shoulders where the blanket came up to. Kisame, however, was sitting up against the backboard, his skin glowing weirdly in the light. Tenderly, Kisame ran his hands through Deidara's golden hair, bending to kiss Deidara on the forehead without fear of him waking up. "Good job, Deidara," he whispered to the dark. He really felt like Deidara and he had made a breakthrough. And for once, he was sure, Deidara wasn't worrying about being cold.


A/N: Next up is part one of my two part 'blind sex' arc. Either blind Madara topping Deidara, or blind Itachi getting topped by Kisame. REVIEW and tell me which blind sex you want first!