Chapter 4: Where is he?

Dan and Chris pulled up outside the tower block and Chris turned in his seat to face him. He studied Dan for a moment, noticing how he was shaking slightly and said "Do you want me to come?" Dan nodded, smiling gratefully. Chris smiled back, hoping it appeared reassuring, and got out of the car. Soon they were both in the elevator, Chris carrying the bag with the camera, teddy and shoes. As they stepped out of the elevator, Dan reached into his pocket, double checking he had his keys. They both smiled, remembering how at parties Dan's keys always seemed to do a disappearing act. He felt them there, but didn't take them out. He walked up to the door, and turned the handle. At first he wondered if his hand was shaking to much to unlock the door. He tried again, more forcefully, and realised it must be locked. He felt his chest tighten, why would Phil have locked the door? He got his keys out, and had to attempt to unlock the door a few times. He kept missing the key hole, but eventually he got it in, twisted it and shoved the door open. He pulled his keys back out and walked quickly into the corridor, Chris following. "Phil?" Dan called his voice breaking. He tried again, louder this time "Phil?" He ran quickly through the whole apartment, looking for Phil while Chris dumped the bag in the living room. Dan checked Phil's bedroom last. Maybe he was in there with his headphones in? Dan knocked, and when he got no awnser, he pushed the door open. The room was empty; it looked exactly as it had done before they left. He could tell by one glance that Phil hadn't been back here. All his treasured possessions, all his favourite things were still there, unmoved. Phil wasn't here.

Somehow Dan managed to stagger back to the living room and collapse onto the couch. All he could see was that damn image in his head, of Phil sat in an alleyway somewhere, crying. Dan felt tears start to drip down his own cheeks, slowly at first. Soon though, they got faster and faster until there were torrents of tears running down his cheeks. Chris saw this and sat down next to him, but didn't say anything. He was startled. In the many years he had known Dan, this was the second time he had seen him cry. Dan wasn't one for being sad, he would rather laugh and joke about things. Sometimes you could tell he was sad, but he never cried! Not in front them anyway. He knew what Dan was like, and thought he might be embarrassed if Chris mentioned anything, so he said nothing. Just sat there, waiting. When Dan was ready, he would talk.

Worse images were running through Dan's mind. He felt Chris sit next to him, but Dan wasn't really there. He was in an alleyway watching a terrified Phil try and fight off a faceless attacker. Suddenly Dan saw a glint of metal. He wanted to scream, to warn Phil, but he couldn't talk. He wanted to jump in between them, to take the knife himself, but he couldn't move. He couldn't close his eyes either. He had to watch the look of panic, of pain on Phil's face as the cold metal pierced his body. He was dropped onto the floor, the knife still in his abdomen, and the attacker walked away. Dan had to watch the life drain slowly from Phil's face as his eyes darted around, looking for something or someone. He saw as the light slowly faded from Phil's startling blue eyes, and heard Phil whisper quietly "Dan".

No. It wasn't real, it was his imagination. Dan finally managed to snap himself out of it. He looked over to Chris, tears still running down his cheeks, and saw the worry in Chris' eyes. He smiled slightly at him, trying to show that he was ok. He wasn't, but still. He couldn't bring himself to speak yet, worried that his voice might break again. He sat there for another moment, trying to slow the crying before he managed to stammer "I've- I've messed it all up. I-I realised too late, and now I've lost him." Another sob escaped his lips, and he took a deep breath. "I love him, and I'm never going to get to tell him because he's gone." Chris lifted his arm to sqeeuze Dan's shoulder slightly. "Look, Dan. He's not gone. He probably just wants to be alone. He wouldn't just leave without saying goodbye." Dan sniffed and said "I don't know anymore, Chris. I thought I would have, before, but I didn't even notice… h-how he felt. I was such a bad friend. What if he has gone? What am I meant to do without him? I love him" Saying it made him feel marginally better. Chris smiled slightly at him before saying simply "We'll find him".

Dan looked at the floor again before whispering "Where is he?"