Vampire's weirdo

Chapter 4

Morning. Damn I'm still sore. Itachi, still aching from a hell of a night, quickly gets up to get breakfast and a medical box. Itachi groggily walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to see Sakura and Tenten making breakfast. Staggering to a chair he stretched his arms trying to relax.

"Good Morning."Sakura sang out cheerfully in a nice normal way

"Morning," Itachi manages to reply still reviewing what happened last night.

"By the way… what happened to you last night? You're full of bruises and scratches. "Sakura questioned shyly while blushing at the idea in her head.

Remembering what had happened he hesitates and remains speechless but responds with the universal "uh…"

TenTen and Sakura start to blush shyly. "Hard..…Core…sex… with Lee." The girls started to giggle through the sentence with a light blush. When they finished they were blushing while laughing.

Itachi immediately chokes on his spit gasping for air but manages to catch his breath. "No…. that's… not… what happened." He pathetically tried to defend himself.

"It's okay Itachi you don't need to be shy… that would explain why Lee died. He…couldn't take it. I … never knew. You. Were that… experienced." Tenten said giving a slight growl.

Itachi still speechless and disturbed by tenten's comment just sits there mopping.

I'm not gay! I really ain't. Inner Itachi cries. Calming down a bit, Sakura placed down some sort of liquid in front of Itachi. Still moping secretly about being gay picks up the glass without paying attention and drinks it.

After a few gulps he spits it out. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? WHY IS IT GREEN? WITH ORANGE ROUND STUFF IN IT?" Itachi screamed out his complain being fully awakened by 'The Mystery Drink.'

"It's breakfast. It's good for you." Sakura responds while cleaning up the kitchen, Wiping off chemical bottles.

" WHAT'S IT GOOD FOR? HUH?" Itachi says annoyed with a scowl on his face.

" It's for the baby." Sakura answered

"Baby? What baby?" Itachi pondered.

Sakura gives off a little smile." The baby you're not going to have because of last night. I'm not going to let you have raise a baby on your own."

Itachi using his ultimate brain put all the information together and yelled, "OH…

MY…. GOD…." he started panicking. "THAT'S FOR WOMEN! I'M NO GIRL…YOU'RE… TELLING… ME… THAT… SOMEHWERE IN THIS DRINK THERE'S A BIRTH CONTROL PILL!"

"Oh…. So those are only for girls…my bad. "Sakura looking a little sorry still just continued to clean the kitchen without even glancing at itachi as she responded.

"OH MY GOD! GIVE ME THE BOX OF THE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS! AM I GOING TO GROW BOOBS NOW? OH GOD………" Itachi starts pacing around the kitchen overwhelmed, until suddenly… he fainted with a BOOM.

A few hours later

By now Itachi has already woken up and started auguring with Sakura. "You have to come! We can't just leave you here! You have to come! You're the man of the house!" Sakura tried reasoning with Itachi.

" HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO SHOPPING LIKE THIS! THERE IS NO WAY AM I GOING OUT WITH MORE BALLS ON MY BODY THAN I'M SURPOSE TO HAVE!" he screeched in response.

"Hmmmmmmmm I have an idea…. TenTen come and help me," Sakura said. Itachi wasn't sure what was going on but was dragged into Sakura's room with TenTen.

Few minutes later

Sakura and Tenten stood behind Itachi with a wide smile at their work. Their stood Itachi in a full-length mirror with a off shoulder blouse with a bra, a skirt and make-up. His hair was let out of his ponytail making him look more feminine.

" See I told you this colour would suit him! He looks so kawaii!" Tenten squealed.

" Fine. But still so cute! Itachi?" Sakura started waving her hand in front of the stone Itachi. "He must be speechless at his beauty! Well lets go shopping!" Sakura and Tenten latched onto his arm and started dragging him to the mall.

As they walked down the street, beading eyes of boys stared at them.

"Awwwww … Itachi…I told you you're cute," said Sakura happily.

" You have no idea how awkward it is for a guy to have guys checking you out." Itachi responds trying not to throw up. I'll have my revenge on you … damn you Sakura, when I kill you. Then we'll see…then. We'll sss… ugh how can girls live with these panties crawling up their asses..UGH… So tight.

"Huh? Itachi you alright you look a little troubled" asked TenTen.

" Nothing's…. um…. wrong." Itachi struggled to get out.

"Okay then…"responded TenTen

Going into a shop, all three of them tried on some clothes. (Itachi forced)

"Itachi do you need help with something?" Sakura asked while sliding open the curtain a bit too wide. A part of his skirt got stuck in his panties and that's when all the guys in a 12-metre radius stopped and looked. That is when all hell broke loose.

Itachi quickly put her blouse back on and started running. "Sakura I'm going to kill you!" He yelled as he ran down the streets. His screams barely heard from the herd of footsteps trailing behind him. Corny pick up lines, love letters, chocolate and flowers flying at him.

Later on…

Itachi bursts through the door panting, slams the door shut and leans on it." I think I lost 'em'" Itachi says with a sigh of relief.

"Awwwwww… such a cute movie," commented Sakura

"Yeah the guy was so hot… but NEJI WAS SO MUCH HOTTER," replied Tenten. Itachi still leaning against the door, face turned red.

"HOW COULD YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME TO A PACK OF DOGS! THEIR SAVAGES THEY EVEN TRIED TO RIP OF MY CLOTHES." Itachi yelled.

BAM! The door seemed to be trying to be pushed open. "Damn so they found me. Shit what am I going to do?" I can't hold this door forever." Itachi said while trying to think of a plan'.

Sakura and Tenten just sit there enjoying their conversation about the hot guy of the movie.

"AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME? Itachi said angrily "you got me into this."

Sakura looks up for a moment but quickly looks back at Tenten. "Okay I got a plan." Sakura said. "Itachi go upstairs and take off you panty hose and dress. TenTen you come with me."

Itachi did as he was told and came back down only to find the pack of guys were gone. "How'd you get rid of them so fast?"

Flash back

The room was very dark when Sakura opened the door and stood in the middle of the boy's path. She took a lighter out of nowhere and stared at them. She stared at them like she stared at Itachi. (Chapter 1) After five minutes practically a third of the boys were wetting their pants and running away like wimps.

Still staring at them sakura turned around while putting the flame near her butt as she bended down slowly. She devilishly smirked at the remaining guys. Sakura farted and out shooted fire, burning a few guys. Nude men ran away as some fainted in the yard because of the stink. The boys didn't know what hit them.

Sakura just laughed maniacally as she aimed it from left and right while she kept farting. Tenten just sweat dropped she's overdoing it. She even burnt the evil gnome she loves.

End Flashback

Sakura turned to face Itachi still with her devilish smirk.

"Uh. Okay I don't want to know…." Itachi said making the right choice.

"LET'S GO CLUBBING!" TenTen yelled.

Itachi checked his chest to see if he was back to normal. He was.

"OKAY LET'S GO!" Sakura yelled back.

At the club

The music filled the room drowning out the shouts of the drunken people. One would have to yell in order to be heard.

"Tell me why am I here again?" Itachi asked.

"Ummmm…OMG IS THAT NEJI!" screamed out tenten pointing to the direction where he stood, Catching Neji's and the whole room's attention from the loud scream. Tenten laughed nervously as she scratched the back of her head.

Everyone still just stared at tenten like she was a vicious stalker ready to pounce on anyone. She hid behind Itachi making her look like she disappeared.

Itachi, sakura and tenten walked towards Neji to get to the bar. Ordering some drinks while sitting on the stools. "So does anyone want any of Lee's stuff?" Sakura asked. They shook their heads vigorously side to side.

Neji walked up to itachi. "Hey! Didn't I see you on the streets running like crazy just in a dress?" He asked curiously with a smirk on his face. Itachi glared at sakura while continuing the drink his sake. Sakura just shrugged in response while Tenten blushed hard.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Itachi asked, his glare demanding an answer.

"Neji Hyuuga" Neji and Sakura talked Itachi adding a few words here and there and Tenten was nowhere in sight. Neji started croaking as he spoke so he ordered a drink. Walking towards them was Tenten in a waitress outfit.
"Here's your drink sir." Gently putting down the glass cup, Tenten waited near the table with wide smile trying to suppress her giggles.

Neji finished the drink in a gulp and right after fell over hitting his head on the table. Tenten quickly snatched up Neji, plastered on her face was a giant smile with her eyes squinted laughing maniacally. It almost made her look evil. Tenten took neji and ran Itachi and Sakura trailed behind her.

Soon Tenten stopped before a building with a big sign reading 'Holiday Inn'. You could see stars in her eyes as she held Neji over her shoulder. She dashed passed the counter leaving a few 100-dollar bills on the counter and taking the key to room 129. Tenten finally reached the room 129.

She ran through the door forgetting to compensate neji's head through the door. Neji head bashed against the door making Neji's face bruised and deformed. Tenten flinched a little but carried on with her 'obolical ' plan.

In the room laid a bed, a desk and two chairs. Tenten laid Neji on the bed while, Sakura and Itachi placed themselves in the two chairs. As soon as Neji's body was on the bed Tenten pulled a camera out of nowhere and started taking pictures of Neji. Flashes of light, cloth tearing and Tenten's maniacal laugh could be heard behind the door.

"Shouldn't we do something? ……" Itachi asked.

"Na!" The both replied. Itachi, answering his own question.

"Let her have her fun," Sakura said.

Meanwhile Tenten was just about to violate Neji Itachi shouted, "STOP."

Tenten stopped laughing and slowly turned her head towards Itachi still with her evil smirk. Itachi twitched but still was able to continue with what he wanted to say.

"NO RAPING! You don't know what that can do to a guy. We guys are just so……… innocent and vulnerable. You'll scar him for life." Itachi said seriously.

Tenten stopped a bit to think about it.

"Then… LET'S SCAR AWAY!" Tenten shouted while continuing.

Sakura stood up and shouted "TenTen Tamura! Stop it right this instance! Or no T.V for a week!"

Itachi stared in shock at the 'motherly figure' like Sakura.

"Awwwwww… but…" Tenten whined.

"No 'buts' young lady!" Sakura said in and strict voice.

"Fine…" Tenten said finally giving up and getting off of the bed and trudging out of the door.

Damn…. What the hell was that…?

"Hey… you think we should do something about his face." He asked Sakura.

"Nah…. He probably won't even notice." Sakura answered, while walking out of the Hotel with Itachi.

Tenten was far off ahead so, Itachi and Sakura walked slowly.

"OMG IT'S A DOUGHNUT SHOP! AND IT'S STILL OPEN! LET'S GO!" Sakura shouted dragging Itachi in.

After a bit, they emerged from the store with a big bag of jelly filled doughnuts and continued to walk back home.

" Hey you think Tenten will be alright. You think I was too harsh on her. It's not like I like doing these things but sometimes you have to be harsh on them one day they'll grow up and they won't need you anymore right?" Sakura asked sadly.

"I think she'll be fine." Itachi said not knowing what else to say.

Hmmmmmmmmm this is my chance to bite this freaky woman. Itachi took out his fangs and pounce at Sakura neck but missed because Sakura suddenly started running into the park.

" Hey! Give me back my doll!" a little girl said.

" No! It's mine now. C'mon guys let's go burn it." A little boy said to his gang of friends.

The little girl started crying and Sakura just watched her as she ate her doughnuts. Itachi still in shock that he missed his chance to bite her, sat down on a bench in the park. After a few moments Sakura walked up to the little girl, gave her a doughnut, and said "Hmmmmmm. doughnut gooood Eat." At that split moment Itachi felt that he saw the 'real girl' in Sakura, but, that feeling soon faded.

Surprised that a strange girl gave her a doughnut and talked like she was a little retarded decided to take a bite of the doughnut.

"It's good!" The little girl said and smiled sweetly. "Can I have another one onee Chan?"

Sakura's eyes suddenly turned crazy and screamed "HELL NO IT'S MINE!"

Sakura started running and the little girl chased after her. Sakura ran towards Itachi shoving a doughnut in his pants and jumping over him but continued running.

Errrrrrr what the hell…. Ew got to get this doughnut out. Just as he was reaching down into his pants to get it out a dog started running towards him.

"OH… MY…. GOD…" Itachi said panicking. The dog came up and bit his 'you know what' wink-wink-nudge-nudge. Itachi's scream could be heard all over the city. Meanwhile back at the hotel Neji has finally awakened. "Ugh…. Why do I feel so wasted?" Neji murmured while slowly getting up from the bed. "How did I get in a hotel? Why are my clothes off? Using his superior mind power he came up with the conclusion that he went to the hotel because he drank too much, was tired, and took off his clothes because it was hot. He went to bathroom to wash his face and looked in the mirror. And said (…And…) "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY FACE!"

TBC

Hey you guys! Thanks for all the good ideas I'm going to use them in my fifth chapter so read the next chapter to see your idea in action. I was going to use them in this chapter but by the time I read them I was nearly done this chapter. Sorry that the story doesn't flow smoothly together most of them are just random ideas mashed together to make a chapter and didn't have enough time to proof read it. I still need to pack for my trip, it might take a while to get the fifth chapter so that why this one is a bit longer than my other ones. Oh and the "(…And…)" means he is thinking that. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

REVIEW!