All rights go to- nevermind you already know.
Has it really been a month since I updated? Wow. This has been done since then but has needed to be edited and I am not a huge fan of editing my own work. I wasn't inspired either.
THIS IS UNEDITED. I WILL EDIT SOMETIME, I PROMISE, BUT NOT NOW. ENJOY THIS CHAPTER. NO FLAMES,
"He has been staring at me all day," I whisper as we make our way down the hall.
"I know, but understand that this is as new to him as it is to you. Also he doesn't know that you already know who he really is. Soon he is going to approach and you're going to come face to face with your father for the first time," Kai whispers back.
"It is just that I've spent my whole life -or at least what I can remember of it- thinking that my parents are dead. Then I found out who I really was, I learned who my real mother was, and she was dead. There are no records of my father on Luna, so Iko and I thought that he was dead too. Now I find out who he really is, it is just overwhelming I guess. To have someone you know suddenly become your father."
"But he didn't suddenly become your father. He has been it your whole life whether you knew it or not."
"It just feels that way. This is all very new to me. Having parents. All I can remember for a parental figure is Adri and she abused me, treated me like a servant and a machine. Then I find out who my real family is and the only person left is my psychotic aunt who wants to kill me."
"I know Cinder, I know. And I am going to be with you every step of the way."
"However will I pay you in return for this favor, kind sir?"
"I'm sure I can think of a few ways," Kai says with a sly grin as he lowers his face to mine.
And the rest they say, is history.
~tlc~KAIDER~tlc~
"Okay you can do this Torin. You are a strong and confident man. A teenager shouldn't be able to bring you down, even if she is lunar. You have been the second in command of one of the biggest countries remaining on earth for decades. Surely you can tell a seventeen year old that you're their father."
A pause.
"How am I kidding? I can't do this, but I have to anyway."
The person staring back at me in the mirror looks like a stranger. He oozes confidence and charisma, when in reality I am losing my shit.
Literally losing my shit.
We have been on Luna for seven hours now and I had yet to tell Cinder the truth. I know I have to but I can't bring myself to. I can't risk facing rejection again. The first time with her mother was hard enough.
But the fact is that I don't know her. Not really. I hear snippets everyday from Kai but that isn't enough. It isn't enough to build a paternal relationship on. I don't know about her past. I don't know the sound of her voice or her nervous ticks or anything basically.
How can I do this?
~tlc~KAIDER~tlc~
"Your majesty!" I call out.
She tenses up. Then slowly turns around to face me. I take that as an invitation to join her at the other side of the ornate hallway.
"I'm am sorry, that was very improper of me to yell like that but I needed to get your attention."
"That's okay."
Now we are walking down the hallway and I was struck by the simplicity it. Maybe it was just as simple as walking beside each other. And for the first time since I've found out I have a daughter, I actually believed I could do this.
"Where are you going, Your Majesty?"
"Nowhere at the moment. I take a walk around the palace everyday for a break to clear my mind and stretch my legs. If I stay in one place for to long my left leg gets very sore where the metal meets flesh."
"I imagine it would."
Do it now Torin. DO IT NOW!
"Would you ever want to find out who your father is, Your Highness?"
"M-my father?"
"Yes, your father."
"Nobody knows who he is. Plus even if I were to find him, what would he think of me? Who in their right mind would want a machine for a daughter? I would be so disappointing. Maybe it is better that I don't know him."
My heart aches for this seventeen year old girl who is used to be judges about something that is out of her control. All of my previous confidence washes away and I start to think that maybe I should hold off on telling her.
Just for now.
~tlc~KAIDER~tlc~
"What do you mean you didn't tell her!" Penelope yells at me through our comms.
"I mean that I didn't tell her that I am her father."
"Why are you waiting! Do it now!"
"Well, I was going to earlier so I asked her if she would ever want to find out who her father was. Then she started going on about how she would probably be a disappointment and it was better if she didn't know, so I decided to wait until the perfect time."
" The perfect time?! Torin that was the perfect time! You could have told her that she was your daughter and how much she isn't a disappointment."
"When you say it like that…"
"You know what Torin? This is your responsibility. Don't bother coming home until you have told her. I love you but you are being a coward. Just tell her. I can't do it for you."
~tlc~KAIDER~tlc~
It has been a very tiring day. Torin kept coming near me but never breeched the subject of my parentage. I fall back into my bed and stare up at the ceiling. What is he waiting for? If he doesn't say anything soon, I am going to have to say something and I really don't want to do that.
My thoughts are just a jumbled mess until a knock on my door come. Who could it be at this hour? Nevertheless, I stand up and open the door.
On the other side is Torin. His back is to me but I can see that he isn't his usual pristine self.
"Um, Konn-dàren?"
At the sound of my voice he quickly turns around, his eyes and hair wild.
"Y-your majesty, I'm very sorry to interrupt you at this late hour," He starts, looking at his hands.
"Yes," I say, leaning against the door frame.
"Well, what I mean to say- what I came here to tell you- I need to talk to y-"
"Why don't you come inside?" I ask "You look like you need to sit down."
"Oh, thank you, your highness."
"No problem," I shoot back, moving out of the way so he can get by.
He staggers a bit while entering the room but eventually ends up in an chair by a table on the opposite side of the room than my bed. I follow him and sit on the chair across from him
This is it.
And for all the time I've had to accept this, it hadn't really sunk in. For some people a day can feel like an eternity but when you're finding out who your father is it passes by like a blink of an eye.
I haven't had enough time. I need more time. I've never known anything close to parental love. My mom died when I was one and my stepmother abused me. This is the closest I'll ever come to parental love because nobody can every love me. Not truly. (Except maybe Kai…) I'm not ready for this.
I'm not ready.
And suddenly the walls are closing in on me and I can breathe. I can't breathe. Everything is going fuzzy and I feel like I'm going to sick. Is it hot in here? I feel really thirsty. I think I'm starting to shake. Now there is not only one Torin but three and I need to breathe. I can't get any air and-
"Your highness, are you alright?"
The sound of his voice starts to clear my head. Gradually the room stops closing in on me. The nauseous feeling starts to fade. The three Torin's merge to make one across from me, helping me focus. The room temperature slowly drops closer to normal. My body goes still. Finally I can breathe again and I suck in big gulps of air greedily. My throat is still really dry though, I could use some water.
I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. I go to form the words but nothing happens. I can't talk. So, hesitantly I nod.
"Are you sure, because you don't look very good and you were really zoned out and you were like that for almost ten minutes. You even started shaking. I thought you were going to lose consciousness," Torin's eyes are full of concern "I was going to get a medic but I didn't want to leave you alone."
Finally the words come out "Thank you."
"Are you one hundred percent sure? Like stake your life on it because you're that sure? Or-"
"I'm fine." He doesn't look convinced "Really. I could use some water though."
"I'll be right be with it then, Your Majesty," Torin practically runs out of the room.
~tlc~KAIDER~tlc~
Breathe.
That is all that on my mind as I finish off the last few drops of my water. Now there is no place to hide.
Just breathe.
"Your Majesty" Torin stands beside me, a concerned hand on my shoulder. I can't get the energy to shake it off.
You can do this Cinder.
"Now that you are feeling better perhaps we can talk," He bends down so that he is eye to eye with me.
You can survive one simple conversation.
"Can't it wait until the morning? I just want to sleep," I plead with him.
Stop doubting yourself.
"I wish it could, Your Majesty, but I wouldn't be here if could. It has to be now," His lips turn up into a sad smile.
There is no stopping it now.
"Can I at least get into my bed? By the tone of your voice this talk is going to be serious and I would like to be comfortable for it."
You are strong.
"Sure, that's fine," He smiles at me.
You are brave.
Taken back by his smile, I drag myself over to my bed and plop down on it.
You are confident.
He still stands at the table unsure what to do until I pat the end of my bed.
All you have to do is breathe.
"I'm your father."
There it is.
"I know."
That wasn't so hard, was it?
