Christian's POV

I broke up with him.

James, I mean, obviously. Even now I'm not sure why I did it. With him at least I had a shot of having something that resembled a normal life. Not that my Mum would see it that way. But when he laughs at my jokes, I look around to see if Syed finds it funny too. When he wears a new aftershave, I compare it to Syed's. When he kisses me, I taste Syed.

He's a friend, and I can't do this to him.

And there's a little part of me that knows that letting go of Syed, would be a lot harder than being alone.

I go to see Jane at work to catch up on the holiday, and she knows something's up, but I don't tell her. I don't need the questions.

Zainab walks in followed by Syed, she's ranting about something, a mark she found on the bathroom floor or something. I smirk, but he doesn't meet my eyes. She says good morning to us, he says good morning to Jane, and they get a table behind us. Once he makes sure my backs on him he looks at me, studies me. I know because I can feel it, the presence of his eyes feeling like he's caressing me.

Eventually Amira walks in, she smiles at us and goes to sit down next to Syed. He makes sure he meets my eye as he kisses her. I can see he's angry about something, but I don't know exactly what. Probably my existence on earth.

"Oh you'll never guess what" Amira whispers. "I just saw James in the square …."

"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?" Jane asks me.

"Of course" I reply.

But she sees me looking at Syed, and puts her detective hat on. She leans over the counter and whispers to me.

"Have you two had a fight or something?"

"No" I reassure her, although I can't quite help thinking we have and I just don't know about it.

As I turn back Syed looks deep in my eyes. I know Amira told him I broke up with James, and there's something like surprise there. A hint of happiness. I'm dying to tell him I did it for him, make that happiness spread.

"I don't know why we should be surprised" Zainab says.

"They were perfect together!" Amira whines.

"Yeah but it's been like what? Two weeks? That's like two years in their time, you know what they're like" She thinks she's being quiet, but her words bite at my soul.

"Who?" Amira asks.

"You know, his sort of people".

I stare at Syed expecting him to say something, even just to shut his Mum up, but he just drops his eyes, listening.

"Homosexuals, they don't really have a word for commitment"

Jane tries to stop me but I turn on my heal, facing toward them. Before I can help it the words are out of my mouth.

"Before you start saying crap like that Zainab maybe you should look a little closer to home"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Syed looks at me again, and there's absolute horror in his eyes. He's terrified of me, of what I can do to him. Tears sting the backs of my eyes.

"Well we were at yours a week ago weren't we?" I say covering my tracks.

I storm out of the café, ignoring Jane's shouts.

"Well eave-droppers never hear anything good about themselves" I hear Zainab say as I close the door.

Syed's on my heel as soon as I leave, and he follows me, screaming at me to wait all the way across the market, but I'm too angry.

Eventually, his voice gets to me, as it always will. As we get to the turning of George Street I stop. He places a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Christian"

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask turning around to face him.

"You know what my Mum's like, she probably thought she was standing up for you or something" He looks so earnest, giving me his best puppy dog look, I fight to keep the anger in my heart.

His hand trails across my shoulder, down my arm. It's an innocent gesture, something two friends would share, I know it's the most I'd ever get from him in a place like this.

But to my surprise he squeezes my hand a little, and I fool myself into thinking that maybe he's ready for this. I step into him, breathing him in.

"Come to Fargos with me" I ask.

"Christian" He sighs dropping his head.

But I step closer to him and he looks at my lips. "Come with me" I repeat "Or leave now"

Syed POV

Mum asks me to have breakfast with her in the café. I have little interest in doing anything other than lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and lamenting about the unfairness of being in love with a man when you have a gorgeous fiancée. I have especially little interest going to a place that Christian might be. But she offers to pay and refusing would be rude.

Half way there she starts a rant about a stain she found on a blue towel in the bathroom. I know exactly which towel she means, and I know exactly how the stain was caused. Christians image in nothing but the towel in question washes over me and I can barely see anything. It's in this state that we enter the cafe, and he's standing there with Jane. But I can hardly look at him can I? Desire beats far too close to the surface, I know he'll see it in my eyes and taunt me. I only allow myself to look at him when his backs to me.

For a moment I get lost in studying him, but I avert my eyes to my Mum. Thankfully she still hasn't noticed and is on to ranting about Dad and something.

Amira walks in, says hello to Jane and Christian as she walks over to me. So his eyes meet mine for the first time. She wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in for a kiss. My eyes don't leave his for as long as her lips are on mine, I need to tell him I want him.

I taste him.

Amira tells me that James is devastated, that Christian dumped him. And my eyes crawl back on to him again, but he has his back to me, bending over the counter to talk to Jane. He's in the exact position that I could just watch him in for hours.

He turns to face us and there's anger in his eyes, he's staring right at my Mum and I realise I've zoned her out completely.

"Homosexuals, they don't really have a word for commitment" I hear her say, I can't believe she says it, that she really thinks like that. It's the worst, most closed minded thing I've ever heard her say.

"Before you start saying crap like that Zanaib maybe you should look a little closer to home"

And I think he's actually so angry he's going to tell her. He's going to out us, right here, right now. I really think he's going to, but then I see sadness in his eyes.

"Well we were at yours a week ago weren't we?" He says, backing down.

He turns on his heal and storms out of the café.

"That was completely out of order Mum" I say as I scrape my chair back to run after him.

"Well eave-droppers never hear anything good about themselves" I hear her say she thinks it's an excuse.

I chase him half way down the market, asking him to stop. I really don't think he's going to, he seems to be gaining pace as he reaches George Street, but then, thankfully he does. I catch up to him, my heart pounding wildly in my chest. I put my hand on his shoulder, and smile at the way it seems to speed up my heart rate again.

I apologise to him and he sighs asking me why I didn't say anything to make my Mum shut up. Well I can hardly tell him it's because I wasn't listening can I?

"You know what my Mum's like, she probably thought she was standing up for you or something" It's a petty excuse and I know it, but my minds blank.

I trail my hand across his shoulder, curve around his bicep. As I get to the end of his tshirt and caress down the bare flesh of his arm my skin burns with excitement. I squeeze his hand prolonging the moment.

He steps into me, and I want to kiss him. I actually crave to kiss him. But I can't. I just can't. I drop my eyes.

"Come to the Fargos with me" I hear him ask.

I have an image of the two of us there, he's wearing that white shirt. The same shirt he was wearing when we first kissed, that shirt that makes me want to do nothing but rip it off him. In the fantasy, our feet are joining under the table and he's looking at me like he wants to kiss me. I feel the presence of the kiss as he steps closer again.

He gives me a choice, either I have to go there with him, an impossibility, or leave him, and that would just plain hurt too much. I look into his eyes and he has this determined look in them, like he's right and that he doesn't want to hear anything but my choice. There's no talking to him when he's like this. Normally it doesn't matter, I can just crash into him, kiss the anger out of him, and we can talk after. But I can hardly do that now can I? Here? And I can't exactly grab his hand and pull him into the flat so we can do it there.

"I'm sorry" I sigh turning on my heel.