Thank you ALL for the reviews, good Lord they make me happy! Also would like to thank for all the favs, and follows! So here's the new chapter! It's fluffy and angsty and lovely!
Was there a purgatory for angels? This floating, seemingly bodiless existence could only be some kind of purgatory. It was existing but it wasn't existing. But he could feel the vibrations of his vocal chords, his voice returning, and then for the first time in perhaps, a thousand years, he was begging. "Please dad hear me. I know you're out there, you have to be out there. I can't be dead, this can't be it. I never got to tell him, I never got to say goodbye. I miss him, I miss him so much" This world was murky, this place was encased in fog and he felt as if he were suspended in the humid air, but he wasn't sure how that was possible. "Dad please!" he was so lonely, and dad help him, scared. He was scared. It seemed to happen over and over, the blade plunging into his chest, and Lucifer's cold stare. It was the last thing he could remember seeing, not Sammy's hazel eyes, flecked with every color possible, like a perfectly color speckled marble. He couldn't even scream in that moment, it happened so fast. And then his wings were sprung, he gasped, and continued to plead silently to a father that would never answer. Then nothing.
Until now.
The sky was impossibly blue; he could feel the sharp blades of wheat sticking him everywhere. Touch seemed so much more powerful. He pushed himself up from the ground, his eyes falling on the palms of his hand, he felt over his face and throat, and chest. No entry wound there, no blood, nothing. Just smooth, unblemished skin. He sat for a moment, gaining his bearings. He felt exhausted. That was another new sensation he hadn't experienced in millennia. He tried to stand and nearly fell on his ass. There was a humming in his head he couldn't identify, and then it flashed red and he felt pain. Not his own but someone else's. It rolled over him again and again, and then he knew where it was coming from. And then he knew who it was. Sammy.
Sammy.
Then he had a thought. Dad had heard him. Dad had answered him in the best way possible.
Gabriel gasped only slightly as he came barreling out of the vivid dream. The brush of a voice just on the surface that felt like a smile a 'you're welcome'. If that even made sense, as if someone had just been speaking to him. It almost sounded like Dad, but he couldn't be sure it had been so long since they'd last spoke. If he could remember correctly, it was the time he spoke to Mary the virgin. Or so Dad had said anyway, honestly he thought it was just a writer's preference. Just before he began to question reality, the warm weight above him scattered away any fears he might have had before. He took a deep breath, and kissed the dark mane beneath his chin. Sam shifted in his sleep, his arms tightening around the archangel and a soft moan escaped his throat. They'd finally fallen asleep once more, Gabriel wasn't sure what time it was, but he knew it had to be nearing noon.
Sam moved again, nuzzling in between the space of Gabe's neck and shoulder, of which only made Gabriel smile. Using a small amount of grace, he peeked into Sammy's mind and found peacefulness, when he'd feared that he would find the dark images there. He was sure that would come later. He knew that would come later. For now he put that on the back burner, he had never been more thankful than he was right now. And he wasn't even sure why he was allowed this. It was as if Dad had given him more than a second chance, he wondered if he had brought down the wards on Sammy's ribs so he could find him. So with that thought he wondered if he'd heard his prayers, his pleas. Cause that didn't seem like a dream, it seemed like a memory.
"I'm here Sammy," he soothed when Sam moaned.
Sam inhaled deeply and immediately recognized the scent beneath him, oh, it hadn't been a dream? His mind was oddly clear of the terror he'd been subjected to the last few days, weeks, he really wasn't sure at the moment. He lifted his head, propping his chin up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, "Gabe…"
"Yeah Sammich, it's me. Told you I wasn't going anywhere." he smiled.
"Thought maybe I'd dreamt it," Sam tried to huff a laugh, but he couldn't quite grasp it. It had been a long time since he'd had this lack of control over his emotions, at least since he was a kid anyway. But looking up into Gabriel's honey colored eyes was almost too much, "S-So you don't know…how you got here? Chuck told us, he couldn't rebuild you…he couldn't bring you back."
Gabriel gave a shrug, trying to make the mood light as Sam's eyes had watered over, "Dad must have known you needed me. That's all I can guess, doesn't really matter though. I'm so glad I found you first."
Sam pushed himself up to sit, scrubbing at his face so he could properly look over the archangel, "I-I feel like I'm dreaming still, my head is still fuzzy."
"Only thing about intense angel healing, leaves you a little hung over," Gabriel said, "You remember anything from last night, or this morning?"
"Little bit," Sam near whispered and then his eyes went wide, "My mom, you said something about my mom? Is that right?"
"Whoa, whoa, yeah, your Mom is alive, kiddo, I wasn't lying and you weren't dreaming," Gabriel smiled, steadying the man with both hands grasping his forearms.
Tears sprung to his eyes, "Where is she?"
"Sleeping, it's okay Sammy," Gabriel soothed, and then he was cut off when Sam pulled him into his arms which caused him to 'oof'. That was one of the many reasons he craved physical affection from Sam, when you were hugged the man, you knew it.
"Until now…I thought it was just another hallucination, for days I didn't know what was real," he was crying again and he didn't care, "I saw so many things…Mom burning…Jess… y-you on the ground…your wings burnt everyone I've ever cared about screaming at me. That I shouldn't be alive, that I should kill myself…and-and I'm a failure…I-I…"
"None of those things are true," Gabriel rubbed his back and rubbed a firm thumb over the nape of his neck, "That's all the wrong shit that's floating around in your head Sammy boy. I know for a fact your bro has been through hell, but kiddo? You have shouldered a helluva lot too, and for some dumb reason you think you're a failure. Well if it takes until the end of time I'm gonna make sure you know how important you are, got it?"
Sam sobbed louder, his chest and eyes sore from doing so. It felt like years and years of pent up anger and grief, "N-Not just those things but…I-I'm dirty, I'm tainted. Lucifer…I-I hadn't started remembering things until…until we met in the cage again. There were some t-things he said…" and then he couldn't breathe again, "Gabe…"
"Shhh," Gabe stopped him with a loud shush, "You don't need to talk about that if you don't want to. You're not dirty or tainted, whatever happened that wasn't something you wanted. My brother is a sick fuck, bottom line…whatever it was…whatever happened that's not your fault."
Sam stopped talking after that and just allowed Gabriel to hold him, and rock him. This was a scenario that was not foreign to either person. There were many times Sam found himself alone and called to Gabriel, he wasn't proud of it but sometimes he was drunk and crying like an idiot. And Gabe always showed up with an open ear and open arms.
"Take a breath Sammy, you're safe now." Gabe kissed the side of his head, "Deep breaths."
It took him a few moments but he regained some semblance of control, "He's still out there," Sam gulped, loosening their embrace so he could wipe tears away, but Gabe was already on it, scooping away the wetness beneath his red and swollen eyes.
"Yeah, and when I find him I'm gonna smite his ass." Gabe growled, tucking Sam's hair away from his face behind his ears, "But let's not worry about that huh? You need to eat, and if it's as late as I think it is, I've gotta deliver you to your mom. She seems cool with me because I saved you, but other than that I think she'd nuke me if she thought for a second you weren't alright."
Sam nodded, sniffing roughly, "I bet I look awful."
"Beautiful as always Sammich," Gabriel winked and kissed his cheek, "Come on, you think you can walk?"
"Think so," Sam gave a shuddering sigh, the result of crying far too much.
Gabe leapt up from the bed and reached out both hands, "Little at a time, baby moose steps." For the first time since they reunited Sam gave a small laugh and sent all kinds of happy through Gabriel's body. Sam was a bit wobbly on his feet, but was standing none the less.
"I think I'm okay to walk," Sam answered Gabriel's worried expression, "I'm gonna splash some water on my face, give me a sec," he walked slowly into the bathroom, leaving the door open. He avoided the mirror, the memory of faking a suicide flashing across his mind. He ran the water warm, the thought of cold water making his stomach lurch. He pooled it in his hands rested his face in the tepid water. He hurriedly brushed his teeth to remove the feel of cotton and ran both sets of fingertips through his hair and returned to the bedroom. He still couldn't believe he was looking down at Gabriel, that silly smirk adorning his face, one he remembered fondly.
"You okay? You're looking a little like a deer in the head-lights."
Sam huffed another quiet laugh and Gabe took his hand, "I'm good…well, ya know as good as I can be right now. Can I ask you something before we go out there?"
"Anything, kiddo," Gabe's brow furrowed.
"W-would it be okay if I kissed you?"
Any worry marring Gabriel's face melted and he was smiling, "You never have to ask me that again."
Sam bent deep at the waist, almost forgetting just how short Gabe was, and pressed their lips together. He was a little nervous at first but when Gabriel deepened the kiss, pulling him closer, he melted. Sam cradled Gabriel's face in his hands as if he needed to be grounded, his heart beating fast and his still shaky limps trembling even more. He kept it as chaste as he could, only adding the tiniest of tongue, but when he did Gabriel made a small whining noise that, if he weren't thinking of his mother, he might push the angel to the bed. Sam moved back and ran a thumb over the now wet mouth.
"Wow, Sammy, I forgot how good you were at this," Gabriel felt a little breathless, blinking his eyes to clear his vision.
"Can we talk more about this later?"
"Of course," Gabriel managed to get his tongue moving again, "Let's meet your mama."
As soon as Sam entered the kitchen, he saw Dean and Cas sitting at the table, "Sammy, thank God, I was just about to go in there! It's almost noon!" Sam was nearly knocked off his feet when Dean collided into him with a desperate embrace, "You scared me so bad. Jesus, I haven't seen you like that since…"
"I know Dean, I know," Sam swallowed hard to keep the tears back, holding Dean in return just as hard as he was hugging Sam. They lingered in their signature 'we didn't die' embrace until Dean was pulling away.
"Are you alright? How are you feeling?"
Sam gave a fond smile, Dean would always be the big brother there was no changing that, "I-I'm alright, tired, a little confused, but I'm alright. Thanks for that Cas…"
Cas gave a nod, "Of course Sam. I'm glad I was able to heal you...I'm so sorry that I-" the angel was cut off when the younger brother wrapped his arms around him so swiftly it actually startled him.
Dean laughed, shaking his head, "Cas, hug back or he's never lettin' go."
As awkwardly as always Cas did just that.
Sam only smiled, patting Cas' cheek, he looked around the kitchen, heart thumping, "Where's Mom, Gabe said…"
And then there she was coming out of the pantry, arms full of milk and pancake mixture, but then she was shoving it onto the counter and much like Dean had she lurched into his arms. She was instantly crying and then Sam couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Mom, Mom, Mom," he cried over and over, he wasn't sure if he was hurting her with how tightly he was holding on, but he couldn't bring himself to care, "I-I can't believe…you're here…I thought I dreamt it…"
She was up as far as she could be on her toes, and her son had her almost off the floor all together, "I know sweetie, I thought that too. Hey, hey, let me look at you," she urged him back some and took his face in her hands, thumbing away the tears, "You're so big," she gave a wet chuckle, "You were the tiniest little baby, smaller than Dean by far. You outgrew him just a little huh?"
Sam's laugh was just as broken, and the tears wouldn't stop, "H-How is this possible?"
"It was a gift from Amara," Dean answered, taking his seat next to Cas again, "Who knew I could actually help people talk out their problems, huh? Amara and Chuck had their own little family pow wow and she set everything right. Bonus? We got Mom back."
Sam shook his head, his mind spinning with how out of this world this all felt. His mom was leading him to a chair and sat him down.
"You're too damn tall, like your Grandpa," she chuckled again, with him sitting she could kiss his cheek and she pulled him close once more, "I know we have so much to talk about…but why don't I make you boys breakfast first?"
Desperately Sam sniffed away the tears, she kissed his forehead this time, one hand holding the back of his neck before she let him go.
"See? Good as new," Gabriel grinned triumphantly, he expected the scowl and roll of the eyes from Dean, but he didn't expect for their mother to cross the space and hug him. It was brief and then she was leaning away, eyes still wet and she whispered 'thank you'.
"It was my pleasure," Gabriel uttered nervously.
"I'm glad to see Mom scares you," Dean commented as Mary disappeared back into the pantry to retrieve items she'd forgotten.
"Dean, don't be unkind," Cas scolded.
Gabriel eyed the two carefully and it was only then that he noticed Cas was wearing Dean's clothes. The man never changed, still old beat up band shirts and sweats, "So, Deano, Cassie, you two look well rested, anything you wanna share with the rest of the class?" Gabriel was rewarded with Dean's face going near crimson and eyes going comically wide, "Aaand there's my answer."
"You are such a dick," Dean snapped.
"Gabe, come on," Sam added, genuinely amused however, it was written all over Dean's face and more, "They'll tell us when they're ready." and he was smiling too, he knew if the last 48 hours hadn't transpired Dean would probably be in Sam's face. But since he'd escaped death again he was given leniency.
"Dean," Cas spoke low, his face feeling hot as well, "A-are you ashamed that…"
"No!" Dean spat, and in a moment of bravery he reached over and grabbed Cas' hand, "Look at me," and blue eyes did indeed look up, "I'm not ashamed of us…just a little nervous is all about other people knowing."
"Guys, I'm happy for you, really." Sam said, humor gone from his voice now as he could see that Dean was getting more than flustered and Cas looked upset.
"Not ashamed," Dean repeated, and even shocking himself, brought the hand he was holding up to his lips for a brief kiss, "Well, if we're getting all personal and shit, what about you two? You seem a little too cozy for my taste. How long have you two been sleeping together? Before you know, that confrontation with Lucifer?"
At first Sam sputtered but then just said, "I-It's not like that, I mean, it's not…we aren't sleeping together."
"All in good time moosey," Gabriel winked, taking a seat next to the increasingly blushing human, "What's to be embarrassed about? Cassie has his human and I have mine, nothing wrong with that."
Sam bit the inside of his mouth, floundering for words, "I didn't say it was wrong, I'm just a little afraid of what Mom might think if she knew…" he stopped in mid-sentence when Mary re-entered the kitchen.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, "You four do know I can hear right? I'm not blind either, what, you think just because I'm 30 years behind in the times that I don't know when someone has the hots for another person? You four are ridiculous. Dean," she turned to her oldest, "I knew about you two the second you locked eyes. The only thing I was wondering about was how long you'd been together, you act like you two are already married. And you," she pointed at Sam, "You're a lot like your dad, you're affectionate but only with people you care about. So stop acting like I'm this fragile thing that's gonna shatter into a million pieces, with all the information I've been dealt, knowing you're happy and dating is the last thing I'd be upset about. Boy or girl. If these, I still can't believe I'm saying this, angels, make you boys happy? I'm happy. Word to the wise," her eyes were on the angels now, pointing a spatula, "There's a pretty big library here so I'm sure I can find something to fuck you two up if you hurt them? Are we clear?" she was greeted with utter silence and then both angels were nodding emphatically, "Good, Dean, you still like your eggs scrambled?"
Dean cleared his throat nervously, "Y-Yeah Mom, scrambled is good."
"Do angels eat?"
"We do not require it ma'am," Cas answered promptly.
"Your mom is cool as shit," Gabriel laughed, situating himself in Sam's lap and looping his arms around his shoulders without asking.
Sam didn't know why he expected anything less, Gabe was still the trickster there was no doubt there, but he couldn't say that he wasn't a little shocked that the archangel had outed both him and his brother. That had been bold.
Even though Sam had slept for hours on end it seemed, he was still exhausted. Also, even with the behest of his mother, he didn't want to go to bed yet as it neared midnight. Didn't want to be separated by his mother, not for a moment, right now anyway. He found himself staring at her, and he had apologized for it twice already. She only smiled and would grab his chin, giving him a squeeze, a fondness in her eyes. He wondered if this was something she did with Dad, or Dean. He wasn't sure because he wouldn't know. Despite all the worries swimming in his head right now, in this moment he felt content. His new family was camped out in the living room, with blankets and pillows and beer.
Dean had suggested a movie night, insisting that that was the fastest way to get Mary familiar with 2016. They had agreed on a Star Wars marathon, and were currently on Return of the Jedi when Sam found himself dozing. It wasn't hard given that his head was pillowed in Gabriel's lap and Gabriel was continually combing his fingers through Sam's hair, gliding fingernails across his scalp. He hadn't had this in so long he almost didn't remember what it felt like. Intimacy and safety all in one fell swoop. He thought that he might have fallen asleep so he did a quick eye sweep around the room. His Mom was curled up in the big, plush lounge chair, blanket around her, her cheek resting on the arm and obviously asleep. Even more of a shocker was Cas and Dean, caddy corner to the recliner sprawled out on the loveseat. Cas was still watching the screen intently in that oh so serious look on his face, intensely studying like he always was. But the kicker was Dean on top of him, both of their legs dangling off the edge of the couch, his cheek pressed to the angel's chest, arm locked around his waist and asleep. As in peacefully sleeping in a way Sam hadn't seen since they were kids, all the while Cas ran fingers up and down his spine, a seemingly unconscious gesture.
"You think too loudly, ya know that?" Gabe whispered, so not to wake the sleeping parties of the room.
Sam rolled onto his back, staring up into Gabe's face, "Yeah, maybe I do." he closed his eyes when Gabriel continued his gentle combing.
"You need to sleep, the more of that you get the better. You might be healed up, but here," he tapped his head, "Needs more rest."
Sam didn't argue, only nodded, he turned on his side once more, but opposite away from the TV so he was nuzzling Gabriel's stomach. He wasn't sure when a blanket had been placed atop of him, but Gabriel was pulling it up higher, situating it around his shoulders and neck, "You promise you're not going anywhere?" Sam slurred sleepily.
"Not on my life, kiddo," Gabriel answered, softly rapping a knuckle on Sam's head which made him look up and he bent down and kissed him tenderly.
Sam sighed into the kiss, all bad thoughts brushed away, if only for a few seconds. He felt safe. Right now, he did. The warm wet mouth against his assured this. He kissed back with more fervor and then Gabe was cradling his face and smiling once more.
"Go to sleep. I'm feeling stronger I could whammy you if I wanted," he winked, and kissed his lips again.
Sam only nodded, too tired to argue, he resumed his nuzzling and Gabriel's fingers returned to his scalp. He knew everything he'd endured would crop up, in sleep, in wakefulness and he would have to face it. Thing was, it wasn't as scary to think about, knowing he had so many to keep him from sinking. He pushed it as far away as he could and closed his eyes.
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