Still Healing - Chapter 4
I'm back! Actually, I mean to finish/post this chapter yesterday, but my favorite TV show was on and I'm a horrible procrastinator, so... I just wanted to say that some people have left me reviews and that completely made my day! I've been feeling kinda down lately so getting those reviews totally cheered me up and made every word I typed worth it! LOVE YOU GUYS!
When I woke up in the morning, Soul was gone. Sunlight was gently filtering through my curtains - wait, what? The sun was never up when I woke up for school! I turned to look at my clock.
10:17.
"Crap!" I yelled, throwing my blankets on the floor in my haste to get moving. I was never late for school!
And suddenly I became aware of something else out of place - the smell of pancakes.
I walked curiously into the kitchen, following my nose. There stood Soul, wearing an apron and flipping pancakes in a frying pan. He turned around when he heard me approach.
"Oh, Maka! You're up!" He smiled brightly at me.
"Uh, yeah…" I muttered, scratching the back of my head. "Hey Soul?"
"Mm?" He said, his back to me as he focused on his pancakes.
"Do you know what time it is?"
He checked his watch. "It's 10:21. Why?"
"Well, why aren't you at school? More importantly, why aren't I at school?"
He smiled at me again. "You had a rough night, Maka. I thought maybe you'd want to take a day off to relax, so I unplugged you alarm clock."
"You- You WHAT?" I screamed, watching his face suddenly become puzzled and extremely concerned.
"Maka, what's wrong?" he asked, setting the pan down and put his hands on my shoulders.
"Are you aware that I never miss school? For any reason?" I seethed through my teeth.
His face immediately lightened and he let out a chuckle. "Oh, that's it?" he asked, turning back to his pancakes. I smacked the back of his head. He slid the cooked pancakes onto plate then walked towards me, stopping just a few inches shy. I had to look up to meet his intense gaze.
"Maka, you didn't tell me. You stayed up with me all those nights because you needed to know you weren't alone, that I was just a few feet away from you, and yet you let me leave. You let me leave you when you knew you were going to have that nightmare. You know I can usually see through you Maka, and yet I couldn't see that one simple thing that was the most obvious. I can't forgive myself for letting you feel that pain."
He suddenly turned away from me and put his hands on the counter, his head hanging. "I kept seeing it, Maka. You screaming-" I flinched back from his words. "-because you were feeling something I can't even imagine. I can't let you feel that ever again."
I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, turning him towards me.
"Soul," I began, "It's not your fault, and you shouldn't feel indebted to me. That's part of the reason I never told anyone - I hate pity. I'm strong. I can take care of myself."
"No, Maka," he said, startling me. "You had those nightmares again. I know you haven't had them since we started living together. Yes, you are strong. But even the strong have people support them. Let me support you. Let me keep those nightmares away."
I hugged him tighter for a moment then stepped away. "You already do, Soul."
We ate our pancakes and talked about meaningless things. Eventually Soul suggested we go do something fun on my first day playing hooky, so we went to the movie theatre and saw a good action film. After that, Soul and I grabbed an ice cream cone. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time, probably because I wasn't constantly lying. I was honestly happy when I was with Soul. I knew that he knew I was broken and he still accepted me.
That night, we ate dinner together and watched an old movie on TV before heading to our respective rooms. Soul gave me another hug before I got in bed, and I was pretty sure my nightmares would stay away tonight.
Red. That was the color of her pain and the color of her back. Her stomach. God, she was broken. She had been happy and it all started to go wrong, and now she was shattered into a million pieces.
It didn't seem possible that she could break any more, but those lines of fire kept slicing her into smaller and smaller shards until there was none of her left.
I heard my door bang open as I sat up, breathing heavily. My throat was dry from screaming. It was Soul, of course. He was carrying a pillow this time, but he dropped it on the floor as he nearly jumped onto my bed and grabbed me in a fierce hug. I clung to him as tears started to leak from my eyes again. I cursed myself. Why am I so weak?
He gently released me as he sat back and peered at my face.
"Again?" he asked hesitantly.
I nodded. "I- I'm sorry, I thought I was okay, but-"
"Maka, it's okay. Besides, it's not even your fault." He climbed off of my bed and retrieved his pillow, then crawled up beside me and put his pillow next to mine.
"What are you doing?" I eyed him suspiciously, wiping the tears off my cheeks.
"Duh, I'm going to sleep with you. Man, that sounds way more screwed up than I intended."
I let out a shaky laugh then laid back down. Once again, I wanted desperately to tell him I was okay, that he didn't need to do that. But also once again, I desperately wanted him to stay.
So I snuggled down in my covers and let his calm breathing lull me to sleep.
xXoXx
I woke up the next morning in heaven. Not that I'd ever tell Soul that, of course. Those were thoughts that were mine. When I first opened my eyes, Soul's arms were wrapped around me and I was snuggled into his chest. It was Saturday, so I didn't have to go to school. I did the only sensible thing a girl could do in that situation - I breathed in his intoxicating scent and went right back to sleep in the safest place in the world.
Eventually we both got up, though. Soul sat up when he woke up which in turn woke me up, and we yawned and stretched together. He scooted back against the headboard, but snaked his arm around my waist and held me there when I started to get up.
"What are you-" I protested (albeit not very strongly).
"Maka, I'd really like to know the story."
I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Okay. Okay, I'll tell you. Because I trust you, Soul." He briefly tightened his arm around my waist then waited for me to start my very own horror story.
"Soul, I'm 22, and you're 23. In the six years we've been together, I've never dated." He seemed to twitch at that. "Before you and I met, I had a boyfriend. He and I only dated a few months before he began to… change.
"It started with my friends. Suddenly, any guys I talked to wouldn't even look at me. They wouldn't even tell me why. Then even the girls I talked to avoided me like the plague. He was the only one who talked to me, but then I found out he was threatening the people I talked to. He said he'd stop, but then he started controlling where I went and what I did. I felt like I was being stalked, but he claimed it was because he cared about me.
"So one day I finally had enough, and I wanted to end it. I didn't love him. I don't know if I ever did. I went over to his house, and I told him, and I said I never wanted to see him again. And he went… sort of crazy, I don't slapped me and kept asking me why he would leave someone who cared about me. I tried to run, Soul, but he grabbed me. He claimed he'd leave marks on me so deep I'd never want to date someone else because I'd never forget how much he cared about me."
I could hear Soul's heavy breathing in my ear and feel his fist clenching and unclenching. I shuddered close to his side and he gave me a quick squeeze around the waist.
And then, Soul… then I really screwed up." I turned and pressed my face into his side. "I said, 'don't you dare touch me'." I waited for him to work it out.
"'Don't you dare touch me'..." he mused quietly. "Five words… five words. Five marks."
"They were the deepest and they took the longest to heal. Eventually I stopped screaming and he stopped cutting, and then he whispered to me he was going to clean up the room, and that's when I ran. I couldn't go home, what with being covered in cuts and dripping blood. I went into the street and crossed into a park where I passed out, woke up in a hospital, and left that city. I moved to Death City and spent the summer healing before I went to school. But I was so afraid, so terrified that he would find me. One day, I'd wake up and he would be there. I was afraid of other people, but then Tsubaki introduced me to Black*Star and you, and Kid, Liz, and Patty as well two years after I moved here. I did let you in, Soul. I let you all into the life I closed off from the world. But my mind, that place was still bleeding and it never really stopped."
He was silent for a long while, but he didn't take his arm from around my waist. I was surprised that I wasn't crying but it seemed like I was all cried out.
"Did you have nightmares after?" he asked suddenly.
"Um, yeah…" I muttered, afraid to see his face.
"You mean to tell me that for two years you had nightmares every night? You had them every night until we moved in together?"
I nodded.
"Geez, Maka! You could have told me. I mean, I didn't know you that well, but I would have stayed with you."
"Really? Even then?"
"Yep! And I will now."
I've kinda resigned myself to being alone forever - I've watched so many animes with hot guy characters (I am female) that I have, like, super high standards now, like 1. super hot 2. some sort of power like Dragon Slayer Magic or being a death scythe and 3. perfect in every way. Darn anime.
