"Monkey. Monkey. MONKEY! Get. Up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move damnit, or we're both gonna die-"

Philip knew he would probably meet his end down here at some point - hell, it was a miracle he'd even reached so far in the first place.

"I mean it! Don't make me take drastic action, you whiny, pathetic, underevolved-!"

But he had never imagined that it would be so close to the end, so close to a glimmer of hope, or with an aggravated virus screaming at him in his own head.

Stars and bright dots danced in his vision and his head felt fuzzy and light, as if he was floating away.

"Stupid, stupid fucking monkey! Just get up on your barely-evolved hind legs and- ugh. Fine. Have it your way then. You just go nap-nap and leave old Clarence to clean up the mess you've left us in, hmm..?"

Swallowing thickly, Philip's eyelids felt heavier with each passing second and within moments everything had gone dark.

...

Was he dead, he wondered? He could still feel his body, but at the same time, not. He was moving now, hearing his own ragged breaths and unsteady footsteps, and yet, he was not the one in control.

He attempted to analyse the situation but his mind was scattered and fuzzy, making sense of what was going on was like trying to wade through chest-deep treacle.

Suddenly, in a blink of an eye, he could see again. He barely recognised the light walls of the well-lit corridor he had just left behind through blurred vision, but seeing it felt odd, like watching things on a screen rather than actually experiencing it. Another blink, and he could just about make out a door, the one with the numbers 'twenty-five' written on it.

Why was he moving and seeing this, yet not in control of his own-

Clarence.

Realisation hit him like a solid punch to the gut as his thoughts became slightly more coherent.

The bastard Tuurngait had waited until he was weak and taken his body over in a moment of opportunity.

He was trapped - trapped in his own mind and forever stuck as a spectator in his own body, as a psychotic alien virus ran around as him.

"CLARENCE- Clarence you utter prick!" He yelled, hoping that the opportunistic twat could hear him. If he was going to play the role of 'annoying-voice-in-the-head', then he was going to bloody well make sure Clarence's life was going to be as much a misery as he had made Philp's own.

He couldn't see anymore, what was happening, damnit? Frustration built up inside him until he could barely take it anymore.

"Urgh, shut up. You're giving me a headache you ungrateful little-" Clarence's voice rang out from somewhere in the dark.

"What have you done?" Philip abruptly cut the virus' voice off, his temper finally snapping at the virus' attitude. "I bet you just couldn't wait to see that-that thing lodge an axe in my ribs, just so you could take over my body, you sadistic, parasitic-"

It was Philip's turn to be cut off as Clarence, sounding bored, drawled back nonchalantly:

"You know, you're beginning to sound and awful lot like a woman. Nag, nag, nag! And although the thought of you throwing a temper tantrum is hilarious, what you've failed to realise is that I want to live just as much as you do, and therefore there's no point taking over your stupid monkey body for my own when we're currently bleeding it out all over the floor."

Philip's anger subsided, just a little.

"So... what?"

"Don't you worry your tiny mind about a thing, old Clarence will sort things out so we're both happy, hmm? Now, how about you take a nice little nap and let me work my magic? No peeking!"

With that, a thick blanket fell down and smothered his thoughts until everything faded away to nothing.

Philip wouldn't feel his body anymore. How long had he been 'asleep'?

If that's what it was.

The silence of his own mind was unnerving and stifling, it felt so vast a space and yet he couldn't help but feel claustrophobic and trapped in.

Was he going to be stuck like this forever, while Clarence paraded around with his body?

Nothing answered him, and the silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity.

Hours passed, or perhaps only mere minutes; there was no way to tell in his current location, and he began to realise that this is what it must be like for virus, forever stuck in the cold, cold emptiness, feeling like at any moment he would be lost forever in the cavernous abyss of his own mind.

"So, what's it like to be just a voice in someone else's head, huh? Terribly dark and lonely, isn't it?" Philip heard Clarence's voice, albeit faintly, "It's no fun when you're nothing but a smidgen of consciousness in a never-ending expanse, a barely-there entity like some kind of ghost with only dusty memories and thoughts for company."

Then, suddenly, he didn't feel so lonely anymore, so isolated. To his own surprise he felt a little bit relieved to hear another voice, even if it was just the virus, if only to know someone else was there.

He felt warmer, like he was wrapped inside a blanket but not smothered like before. Almost like a hug.

"Isn't it nice, just to know somebody else is there, sometimes?"

Philip could only nod sleepily. He hadn't felt this warm, this safe, for what seemed to be a lifetime; safe in the knowledge that he was no longer alone in the gaping dark.

"This is what it felt like before, you know. I knew where all my brothers were, what they were thinking. We were all connected," Clarence suddenly murmured, breaking the comfortable silence. "This is the closest I've felt to that since I got stuck in this big empty head of yours, since I was cut off from them."

He could have sworn he heard a touch of sadness in the virus' voice, or perhaps he had only imagined it; he couldn't even think clearly at the moment.

"But I suppose you are all I've got for now. Not like I have a choice..." he ended with a sneer, completely changing his mood again.

The englishman only listened, almost as if in a sleepy trance. This was the most calm and dare he say it... pleasant, he had ever heard the virus speak to him. Even if he was behaving in a slightly odd manner. Well, odder than usual.

It was almost easy to forget that said virus was also completely batshit insane and intent on either a) getting his host killed in any manner of horrific ways, b) taking over said hosts body for his own, c) in the event of both options a and b failing, annoying the shit out of Philip until he was just as insane as Clarence was or finally d) all of the above. Possibly at the same time.

So for the moment, he decided he liked calm Clarence. It was a definite improvement on the usual bratty, arrogant, childish, moronic Clarence. A short silence fell once again, until the virus' voice broke it once more.

"Don't get too comfy now, monkey."

"Wha-?"

"Time to go~!"

Philip had no time to ask just where he was going when he was abruptly jerked very much awake and back to reality with a small gasp.

"-nkey. Monkey. Oi, ugly, wake the hell up!"

And all of a sudden he felt arms around him, his body wrenched back into consciousness. His entire frame jolted, chest heaving as his burning lungs automatically forced him to cough and choke in an effort to draw in in greedy breaths, like he'd been starved of oxygen for far too long.

He was also wet. Sopping wet, in fact; as if he'd just been dragged out of a swimming pool. His clothes and hair clung to him rather uncomfortably.

"Monkey?" Clarence's voice wavered a bit, sounding, just a tiny little bit, concerned (either that or Philip was brain-damaged from lack of oxygen, he couldn't quite tell).

The blond's breathing began to even out after the coughing fit, and he realised that his side didn't hurt so much anymore.

"C-Clarence...?" He barely managed to whisper. God, his head ached, even if his ribs mysteriously didn't.

"Holy crap, you're alive! My monkey is alive, my monkey...!" Suddenly the battered blond was not-so-gently bundled up and dragged up so he was in a slouched, half-lying, half-sitting position, his upper half supported by someone who then proceeded to weave their fingers through his damp hair.

"My monkey, mine, mine, mine~" he hearda voice chant gleefully.

...

What the hell?

"-knew it'd work-"

Philip's brain, still incoherent and fuzzy, struggled to make sense of this new situation. He was wet, he had a banging headache but the pain from the deep laceration in his ribs had faded almost entirely, and now he was being held by someone who, rather creepily, sounded and spoke just like Clarence.

"Mine, mine, mine... God, I totally deserve the 'guardian angel' title-thingy now."

"...Clarence?" He managed to croak out again, louder this time.

"In the flesh. Finally."


Yay, plot development!

Again, this is quite short, sorry about that.

Also, you can tell I'm new at this whole 'posting fanfiction' malarkey, because I accidentally posted chapter four instead of chapter three, because I'm very, VERY tired and distracted, and I'm stupid when I'm tired and distracted.

Again, thanks for reading, and don't forget to leave your thoughts in a review!

(Don't think I don't see you there, yes, you, the lurking ones. I've got my eyes on you. Jkjk, you guys are awesome.)

*edit* Oh, and if you've got the time, check out the poll on my profile! Your input would very much appreciated~