Mikey POV:
The next time I woke up I was in my own room. My mouth felt as if I had sucked on cotton balls for the past week. My throat was desert, barren of any moisture. The stiff feeling in my left arm was gone indicating that they had taken out the IV. My stump of a right arm was still heavily wrapped, but no blood was visible so someone must have changed the bandages. Whatever Donnie had given me must have been pretty good stuff if the could do all of this without waking me.
I knew I was in for a rough time immediately. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. My orange bandana lay untied on my nightstand.
"Great my first task." I whispered to myself as I got to work.
First I attempted to just use my one hand to tie a knot, but after about the fifth try and still being unable to get it to knot without undoing itself I thought to try a different method. I placed the cloth around my bedpost, tied it with one hand, and pulled it shut with the help of my teeth. Only problem was it was too small, so i repeated the act. Too big, too small, too small, too big, a little loose, and perfect!
"That wasn't so bad." I muttered as I wiped my sweaty hand on my pillow. "It only took me...forty-two minutes!" I shout with a look at the clock.
'At least I did it' I thought to myself as I stood up. Weird how one side of me feels heavier now. But yet again I am reminded of my missing limb. The mirror on the back of my door justifies my feelings of something missing. I try to reach for my right hand with my left ,though I can feel my right arm hanging there limply my hand comes into contact with nothing. Why does it feel as if it is still there? It should be there.
My shoulders tremble as the tears begin to fall. I move my left hand up what should be my right arm and let it rest on the leftover stump. This feeling, this phantom limb is worse than any torture Shredder could have inflicted upon me. This trick my mind is playing on me is cruel and I can't stop the tears.
Forgetting about my thirst, I remove my mask and placed it back on the night stand. I lay down face first into my pillow and scream, so no one can hear. Why did this happen to me? I wasn't lying when I told my brothers that I was glad that it was me and not them, yet I wish it wasn't me. I wish it was none of us. I wish I had my arm back.
I rised again to stare into the looking glass once more. My tear streaked freckles only adding to how pathetic I felt. The turtle looking back at me can not be me, it is impossible! I refuse to believe it. But it's true, so I did the only thing I could think of I screamed.
Instantly I regretted it as I heard voices calling out to one another, "What was that?" "Oh no MIkey!". Footsteps grew closer to more door as I swiftly wiped away the tears and silently leaped back into bed. I increased my breathing, so when they all barged in I sheepishly rubbed my head and said I had a nightmare about mutated squirrels chasing me through the sewers.
It worked.
They laughed for a while before Raph left to get me water and dr. Don started poking at my stump, saying that I must have been exhausted because I have been asleep for two days. Only waking up in a drugged inducted like state when I had to use the bathroom. They sat around and joked for a while acting like nothing had ever happened. In a way it pained me to see them acting as if everything was normal while I sat here suffering.
But they didn't have to know that. This is how I want them to be, happy. With that thought established, I knew what I had to do. Be happy. On the outside anyways, my brothers cannot become aware of my sorrows. They cannot see how I suffer while they laugh.
This is how I will deal with this new inconvenience of only having one arm. With laughter and smiles I will show them that I am okay. Funny thing is I actually believe myself. I am okay. So as I laugh along with the three of them can't stop myself from thinking maybe laughter is the best medicine.
"Hey Mikey, you alright? You've been staring into space for a while now." Leo abruptly cut into the conversation. Looking his way I could see all joy drain from his face; he looked exhausted.
I smiled at him, "Yeah yeah I'm peachy! I was just wondering actually when exactly these bandages were coming off for good. I was hoping to start training soon, to get used to it, I guess." I regretfully waved my stump for emphasis. That hurt.
They chuckled as they exchanged nervous glances towards one another, "It's probably going to be about three weeks before they come off. Your stitches should be ready to come out by then. As for training, well I would like for you to wait about a month. After that it's whenever you feel ready." Don explained thoughtfully.
"Oh, that's like forever though." I whined. "Can I at least get up?"
Again they laughed, "I would encourage it." Don answered.
"Yippie!" I cried as I leaped out of bed a tad bit off balance. Leo, Raph, and Don all reached to steady me in spite of the fact that I had already corrected myself. "Who's hungry? I know I am!" I announce as I skip my way to the kitchen, ignoring the throbbing coming from my arm.
"Don't over exert yourself Mikey. You are still healing." Leo reprimanded, following my closely.
Ignoring him I opened the fridge and reached for the thawed out pizza dough behind an empty milk carton. I could feel their watchful gazes weighing down on me as I put the dough onto the counter and used scissors cut open the packaging that I used to rip with my hands. After getting out the pizza pan I plopped the ball of dough onto it to begin my attempts at spreading it into crust. I could not toss it correctly with one hand, so I tried to kneed it out, but only succeeded at putting holes into the uncooked dough.
Growing frustrated I came up with an excuse to get someone else to do it, "Hey guys, I um really need to use the bathroom do you think one of you can take over?" I asked with my head down.
I could feel their gazes, I could sense their pity. "Yeah Mikey I'll take care of it." Leo said in such a tone that let me know he knew I just couldn't do it.
I mumbled a thank you before escaping to my room. I sank onto the floor, leaning against my bed and took deep breath to fight the sobs that were attempting to come out. I grabbed my mask off of my nightstand and slipped it on, "I'll never be able to be a ninja at this rate."
"Yes you will." I jumped a good foot off the ground, startled by Raph's voice.
"Gosh Raph, warn a turtle next time!" I scolded lightly as he settled down next to me.
"This isn't the bathroom ya know?" He attempted to joke. I stayed silent. "It's alright you know, to not be ok." I guess those were his comforting words of the day.
"I am ok, really. I just got frustrated that I kept putting holes in the dough." I lied.
He nodded his head, "I bet you got frustrated trying your mask before too." He looked at me, showing a look of understanding. "I'm the one who put in on your nightstand, I left it untied. Amazing really, that you could tie your mask while dreaming of mutant squirrels."
I looked at my feet in shame, staying silent as he continued speaking, "You've always been better able to adapt than the rest of us. Maybe that's why you can do stuff like that in your sleep while the rest of us have to open our eyes to get ready," He winked at me knowingly. "Come on." He said, standing up and offering his hand.
I spoke up, "I don't want to go back out there."
He shrugged and put his hand down for a minute, "Well I told Leo not to make the pizza. The way I see it, if you can tie your mask in your sleep you can make a pizza while you're awake, no matter how frustrating it gets." He stuck his hand out again.
I smiled as I took it and he pulled me up off the floor. Maybe Raph understands better than I thought.
