I can't believe how long it has been. School has been keeping me busy. But I have some tests right now and after that I am free for almost three weeks, so I can't wait. And then I finally have time to write again. And I just saw Harry Potter 7 part 1, so I'm being very Harry Potter centric right now. I can't believe how brilliant Rupert Grint was as Ron Weasley. I had to shut my mouth because it was haning open.

Anyway back to the story. To make up for my late update, I'm going to update two chapters at once. So please don't be mad at me for too long.

Look down, that button is screaming your name.


Chapter quatre: Before the doors close and it comes to an end. With you by my side I´ll fight and defend.

She was sad. He was happy. It was becoming a mantra. A mantra of their lives together. Tied together through years of friendship. A shred of a relationship in between.

He takes a step closer to her, she takes two steps backs. She takes his hand as they walk, he lets his hand slip from her. He comes up to walk beside her, she runs for the miles. She listens to his music, he doesn´t hear a word she says.

Sam sings her lungs out at the empty stage before her. This was supposed to be it. He was supposed to love her. She was supposed to love him back. They were supposed to hold on and make it through.

´Just stay strong, ´cause you know I´m here for you.´

Tears slip down her cheeks before she has a chance to stop them. She hates that she lets them fall but she can´t help herself. Her dream has just been shattered and she can´t help it but for once she wants to be the one crying. She wants to feel vulnerable. She wants to feel like the victim.

´there´s nothing you could say, there´s nothing you could do´

She felt betrayed. She felt awful. She felt hurt. She still feels all those things. She feels like all those stupid silly girls in the movies that she used to watch with Carly when Freddie had other things to do. She didn´t really wanted to watch those kind of movies, but Carly always talked her into it.

It always started with a girl being hurt by a man. She always wondered why those girl were so stupid to fall for such a jerk. That was until now. Until it happened to herself. She hated herself for being so weak, for being such a fool for not seeing any signs that showed her that Jacob was betraying her for freaking three months.

´Because we´ll make it through, we´ll make it through´

She breaths in and out, wipes the tears from the eyes bitterly. She didn´t even like the song, but there´s was something about it that just made her sad. And she needed something to make her sad, to allow herself to show her how she feels on the inside.

´You sing really well´

Sam spins around faster than a whirlwind. She wants to shout at him, she really does. But she doesn´t because she doesn´t want to push him away. She knows she is going to need her friends now more than ever. So she settles on being quiet and lets him walk over to her.

´I didn´t even knew you sang´ He says, looking at the ground before locking his eyes with hers. She swears her stomach does a little jump, but she ignores it. Those feelings are in the past, buried and burned, never to be seen again.

She shrugs her shoulders before muttering a ´sometimes´. He nods his head, somehow showing more understatement with that one movement than anyone else ever could. He fidgets on his place some, she notices. His foot moves towards her but then he takes a step back and he is playing with his hands. When she looks up at his face, she can see in his eyes that he is a little lost as well.

So she walks away from him to grab the bottle of water that she only brings with her whenever she goes to the auditorium to sing. She once read it in a magazine that water does wonders to your throat so she figures it doesn´t hurt if she actually takes that advice. Because she likes to sing and bringing a bottle of water with her every time she goes to sing doesn´t hurt her.

From the corners of the eyes she sees Freddie look at her with eyes full of question. She knows she has got to answer them, but she doesn´t know if she is ready to face the answers yet.

She wants to head out of the auditorium, she really does. Because how long can two people possible stand in silent without looking at each other. Afraid for what is in the other's eyes and afraid to be the first one to open their mouths. So she does what she does best, she ignores Freddie and walks to the exit. If only his hand didn´t shoot out to grasp her wrist and stop her.

God, sometimes she really hates him. When they were dating he was understanding and sweet and caring. And she really loved him for it, but sometimes it killed her because he was just so perfect and she was absolutely not. It killed her that he was so much better than her, even though he said it was the other way around. He never was good a lying.

Even now, when they were broken up for a good year, he was still there for her. He was still the first one to come after her and talk to her. He was still the first one to stop her from fleeing her problems. He was still there to make her feel better, if she let him.

´Why don´t you just explain to me what happened out there?'' He asks, letting his hand fall down to her hand, lightly grasping it, before dropping his hand to his side.

She watches him carefully trying to figure out why of all people he is still to one that wants her to open up. Why he is still the one to want to know the Sam behind the 'inner rock chick' as he once said. Whenever Freddie talked about Sam when they were still together, he would describe them as two girls, two beautiful girls. One was this inner rock soul chick that was though and brave and there was this girl hidden behind this soul. A girl that has all these amazing qualities that only a few people get to see it. And he was one of them. He still is.

She would call him out of all this crap, because she wasn't two girls in one, she was just Sam. And if he wanted a threesome, he had to go look somewhere else because she wasn't into that kind of stuff. He would just grin at her and tell her that she was more than enough. Then he would grab her by the waist and bring her closer to him so he could kiss her. Freddie was a great boyfriend like that. And he was sweet and caring and not too shabby looking.

Sometimes she had wished that Jacob was more like Freddie. Because Jacob was rough around the edges just like she was. And that made him too familiar to her, because he was a lot like her. At first this was perfect because this meant that she didn't need to figure him out. He was a lot of fun to be around and they had the same kind of humour. They even had a lot of things in common, something that her and Freddie rarely had. So she figured that this relationship with Jacob could be it, you know. It wasn't difficult, it wasn't easy, but it worked.

Except for the part where it got boring. Even Sam started to notice that she was postponing her dates with Jacob almost as much as he was doing it to her. And when she caught him with that skank Marissa, she really shouldn't be that surprised, really. But Marissa was a cheerleader, the prom queen of her former high school. She was everything, Sam was not.

When Sam caught them in a very compromising position in the dressing room, she knows she should have confronted Jacob. She should have gone in and she should have yelled to him as if there was no tomorrow. But she just couldn't. So she just stared and felt the ground slip from under the feet. And then she just ran. She ran as hard as she could, away from that skank, away from her boyfriend. That cheating bastard.

She calls Carly and just cries to her on the phone, because she can't quite grasp what she just saw and she feels sad. She just needs someone that feels sad with her. Carly is immediately worried and asks her all these questions that she is not ready to answer yet so she waits until Carly gets it and she tells Sam that it is going to be okay and just listens. And that is all Sam really needed. Carly really is a great friend.

She does confront Jacob, she only does it the next day, She waits for him at his locker and then she simply says it, 'I heard Marissa is a nice lay' and she eyes him between her lashes and she knows that she got her point across because his eyes don't acknowledge her but look everywhere else.

She hears him mutter excuses as he walks next to her in hallway, but she doesn't want to hear them. She really doesn't. Because she doesn't blame him for getting bored with her. Getting bored of them. Even she had to acknowledge that they had had their good time and now it was just waiting until the bomb exploded. So it did.

But she yells at him because she is still mad that he cheated on her. She yells at him because he made her think that she was not good enough for him. She yells to him for making her feel insecure. She yells at him for all the other things he has ever done at her. And he yells back. He screams she needed to give him more attention, he yells that she was too busy with her singing. He yells a lot of thing, some things are true, some things are just mean. She knows he needs to release some of his anger, she needs it too. They are the same.

So they both display a lot of feelings that day. Feelings are scattered all over the hallway, but no one picks them op. People stop to watch and whisper to each other, but no one interferes or tries to stop the fight between the couple.

And that is how she ended up here. After all the yelling, both Jacob and Sam just looked at each other taking deep breaths. She was the first one to walk away, but she knows he follows her quickly because she can hear the hallway clear up behind her. She knows she still has classes to attend but she doesn't feel like going so she turns left instead of right and walks straight to the auditorium. She needs to let it out and this is the only way she knows how.

She doesn't tell Freddie all that. He doesn't need to know. This is her pain, her break-up, her life. He has his own life now, his own new girlfriend. He doesn't need to take care of Sam anymore. He doesn't need to know all the things that go on with her life. They are no longer connected in that way. At least that is what Sam thinks, but still Freddie is here.

He cares enough about her to follow after her after a fight in the middle of the hallway. He still wants to know what is going on with her. He is still there. He still cares.

Freddie is still waiting for her to say something, anything really. She can see him from the corner of her eye. But she doesn't really know what to say to him. How much she wants to share with him about her break-up with Jacob. He is still her ex-boyfriend.

Finally she mutters, 'I'm going to be fine'

She doesn't know if she is trying to convince herself or him, but it seems to work because Freddie looks at her with a small smile on his lips.

'Of course, you are', he says. 'You are Sam.'

And just like that she knows she is going to be fine. Freddie's right, she is Sam. No guy can bring her down. She is strong, free and independent. She lets him hold her hand as they walk back to the exit of university. That small gesture gives her all the comfort that she needs.