`Mr Collin and me used to be good friensd, back a long time ago about 6 years. He lived only 2000km (an: threy use kilomiles in englanr right?) away which is basically 50 yards and I live at number 1 heartford road and he lived at number six so weed see each other at neibhorhod watch meetins.
At one meetin he was giving a presentation on protecting your mailbox from wurking class peasants.
"Ewww!" said everyone when he mentioned them ocs nobody liks them.
Anyway he caught my eye and got town from his stand when he finishe and we went on a date to the posh cafay.
At the posh cafay we ate posh cakes and it wus realy english!11 but then the waitress was middleclass and I was really poshed off (get it again with him cos I thorgth he was a noce guy but hes not posh at all he's cheep!
"thatll be three shillings fifty" she said (remember inflation means thats acshully a lot of money) and I was shocekd that a middle cafay would be so expansive
"seriously where the HECK have ou taken me!" I shouted NASTILY at Collin
then the manager came and I felt bad- he was …... Billingly! (accept I didnt no him yet)
"GIVE ME MY MONEY BITCH!" the nasty waitress hsouted to me and I was upset so I started crying out of my eyes
"Your fired!" THE MANAGER said to her right away cos it was so horrid and she took off her apron and bonnet and left the store. When she put down her bonnet I lucked ad it and sunddely realised who it was
I turned round but Lydia was gone!1 I cryed again then left a $20 bill and ran back to the posh house as fast as I cud.
When I got there anyway Lydia was crying on the sofa and I sat with her poshly.
"why cant I do anything right lizQ!" she said
"im sorry I got your fired, lydia" I said and I still felt bad.
"no its not your faultliz , your the best friend ive ever had!" she said cryingly "its that stupid Collin's fauls, he knew taht would jappen so he did it on porpoise. But now every1's going to find out i'm middleclass becuz of him"
I was annoyd cos then I realised vthat lydia was middle class but instead I said "i hate collin! I thought he was just a nice guy but hes ruined my whole love file now, 'im so depressed" in an elgnish accent and everything!
"i hate him" lidya said
'basterd" I said\\
"I know righ!" lis said to me and then "he's upstairs shouing at darcy and you about something!"
OH CRAP I thought cos I left darcy in my room after we screwed so I dashed upstairs like briget joan did
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE YOU BODACIOUS CHUMPS!" he said
I got there just in tym
"What do you think, you idiot!" I sais like a workig class person (an: its a scary thing in those days) and attacked him with my nails
"No no stop!" Darcy said and he came even though he was naked. You could tell he was posh just by looking at his six-PhD (get it, like six pack burt clever and posh) on his abominable .
"darcy why" I asked him "jhe ruined our marriage"
"no he didn't you did you divorcer!" and I was schockec.
Then the worst thng that could eve rhappen in my life happened before me eyes and I creid from them. Darcy and Collin started SCREWING each other poslhy right before my eyes!
OMG WTF I bellowed byt it was no use and they were in the bedroom. When in finished crying I stormed in there and they were still doing it and BINGLY WAS MAKING A WEAVING OF THEM ON HIS LOOM!
