The One Percent:

Chapter Four – Stark Charm


A/N: Hey guys. I just wanted to say thank you for your support so far. I'm really glad that this story has had such positive feedback, so thanks.


Text Log: Monday, 13:35.

Bruce, can you email me the homework for the next week or so? I'm not coming in. – TS

... For a whole week? What, do you have the plague? –BB

Something like that. – TS

Seriously? Okay. I'll be by after school with the homework and I'll bring some soup. – BB

Uh, no, not quite. I'm not at home anyway. I have to have an operation. And it's not that bad, before you get all panicky. – TS

Yeah, I don't believe you, seeing as you won't even go to a doctor unless it's past life threatening and into critical condition. What's going on? – BB

Well you know that I was having those chest pains and stuff? I have to have an operation where they're gonna stick some kind of metal... thing into my chest. – TS

Shit. Is that actually gonna help anything? – BB

I don't know. Do most doctors just dig a hole in your chest for the fun of it? – TS

Depends how much they're charging you for it. When's the op? – BB

Tomorrow I think. You can visit any time after that. Make sure you bring flowers and chocolates though. I want to feel appreciated. – TS

I'll bring weeds from my yard and the pudding from school lunch. – BB

You're so caring. What would I do without you? – TS

God knows. – BB

Can you imagine how awkward the changing rooms will be for gym? With this lump of fucking metal sticking out of me? ... God, I don't even know if I can shower with it. You might have to come and give me a sponge bath. – TS

You'd like that, wouldn't you? – BB

I'm sure you'd enjoy it just as much. – TS

No comment. Ask me again after you survive the operation. Give you something to look forward to. – BB

You didn't deny it. – TS

You know I'm going to want to see said lump of metal, right? – BB

I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Wink wink, nudge nudge. – TS

I didn't think it would be possible for you to be more flirtatious through text than you are in real life. You never fail to surprise me. – BB

Never underestimate me, Banner. And I hope you're looking forward to seeing me in a hospital gown. – TS

I'm counting down the seconds with bated breath. Just make sure you survive the operation. – BB

Do I get an incentive if I do? Like... Can I flirt with you forever? – TS

You already do, Tony. – BB

Alright then, will you flirt back? – TS

I don't flirt unless it's about science. – BB

Good job I'm the King of Nerdy Pick-Up-Lines. TS

Nerdy pick up lines are a thing? Man, no wonder the girls are all over you. – BB

That's not the nerdiness. That's the rustic Stark Charm, Banner. – TS

And that works, does it? – BB

It works on you. – TS

Oh, I'm flattered you find me worthy of the Stark Charm. – BB

You should be. Not many people get to experience it first hand, especially not on a daily basis like you do. – TS

Think I can put that on a resume? 'Daily recipient of Stark Charm'? – BB

I don't think it'll help you get a job, unless you're going to work in a strip club. Oh God, please go work in a strip club. – TS

Tony, I don't even like changing in front of other people for gym. – BB

Aw please, Brucey! It'll make me feel better. Or maybe just a private show, just for me. – TS

I don't think that'll be good for your heart. – BB

I think it will. I think it'll be good for all of me. Could you imagine the nurse's face tomorrow when she comes to check on me and you're giving me a lap dance? – TS

Her face would be pretty funny. – BB

I think you should do it. For humor purposes, obviously. Not for my own... personal... benefit, ahem. And we need to stop talking about you naked. My heart monitor just blipped. – TS

See, now I'm tempted just to antagonise you because there's nothing more obnoxious than the sound of a heart monitor with an uneven heartbeat. – BB

What have I done to deserve such punishment? I have been nothing but nice to you. I give you my undivided love and attention. – TS

Some of the things you do could be classed as sexual harassment if we weren't so close and I didn't mind. – BB

I knew you didn't mind. – TS

Shut up. I've gotta go. Mr Coulson's glaring at me. I'll be over after the operation okay? – BB

Okay. Bye, sexbomb. - TS


Sure enough, after school the next day, Bruce padded into the reception of the hospital, and after asking a few nurses where exactly Tony was being kept, he made his way to the ward and over to Tony's bed. Tony's eyes lit up as he saw Bruce come in, even though he was still a little groggy from the operation.

"Brucey!" he grinned, his eyes a little half lidded as he looked at the teenager. He was wearing a hospital gown as he lay on the bed, a drip in his arm and several other wires and tubes connected to him. There was a lot of padding on his chest, and it looked like there was blood seeping through.

"Hey, hot shot. How're you feeling?"

"Well, I'm on very, very, very, very, very strong morphine, so... I think I can see noises right now." Tony murmured softly. Bruce rolled his eyes and sat down beside Tony's bed, putting a box down on the table next to him.

"I brought you chocolates. Don't know if you're in a state to eat them yet, but they're there when you want them," he smiled softly, reaching over to take Tony's hand.

"You spoil me. What happened to the weeds? I was looking forward to those."

"Well sorry to disappoint. How's the chest?"

"It feels really weird." Tony chuckled softly, swallowing thickly. "It's like, you know when you're in a really stuffy room and you feel like you can't breathe properly? ... It's kinda like that. There's something stuffy in my chest." he mumbled. "I'll show you the... thingy... when I'm better." Bruce nodded to himself.

"Sure."

"I'm all scarred, Brucey. I'm all maimed and disfigured. Will you still love me?" Tony asked, giving Bruce puppy dog eyes although the smirk was still on his face. Bruce just rolled his eyes.

"Obviously, jackass. Even if I'm kinda disappointed that once again, you're not sober."

"I am sober!" Tony protested, waggling a finger at Bruce, "I'm just high. It's different."

"I swear, you're using the drugs as an excuse to say whatever you like."

"Why do you have to be so smart, Banner? You ruin every plan I have." Tony grumbled.

"Well, I have to start thwarting you now, else you'll become a supervillain and we'll have to form a team to take you down."

"I've gotta admit, I'm upset that you're against me. I assumed you'd be my evil sidekick."

"Sidekicks are usually brainless bimbos though. I'm offended that you think that lowly of me. Even if 99% of people are brainless bimbos compared to you." Bruce shrugged. Tony turned to look at him, and smiled sweetly

"You're my 1%," he murmured, squeezing Bruce's hand gently.

"Wow. That might be the sweetest thing you've ever said." Bruce chuckled softly.

"Hey, wait until you hear my wedding vows, baby. I wrote them down on a napkin while I was lying in this very bed." Tony drawled, his words still slightly slurred.

"You know the other day I said that I knew you'd still be flirting with me on your death bed? ... Well, this is it." Bruce smirked.

"Hey! I'm not gonna die!" Tony grumbled, his eyes half lidded again.

"Clint and Natasha had bets that you would." Bruce shrugged. Tony's eyes widened and his brow furrowed.

"You told them?"Tony asked, letting go of Bruce's hand.

"That you were in hospital? Yeah, of course I did. They're your friends, Tony. They were worrying about you. Besides, even if I hadn't told them, they'd have been asking why you weren't at school all week anyway."

"For the love of... Do you think I might have only told you because I only wanted you to know?"Tony frowned, pushing himself up onto his elbows so he could look at Bruce properly, ignoring the aching in his chest as he moved.

"Well... yeah, but why wouldn't you want them to know? You know Natasha magically knows everything anyway."

"Yeah, but now when I go back I'm gonna have to answer a whole load of questions, and I didn't want that."

"Come on, you're being stupid. You'd have to answer questions whether I'd told them or not." Bruce frowned.

"Yeah, but I could have said I'd flown off to another country for a bit. They didn't have to know I was in hospital. Everyone's gonna be asking what's wrong with me and I don't want to have to tell them." Tony spoke sternly.

"I'm pretty sure they'll find out one way or another anyway. And besides, if you didn't want me to tell them, you should have made that clear."

"Well I figured I could trust you, but obviously you're not as trustworthy as I thought," he huffed. Bruce shook his head and ran a hand through his brown curls. Why was Tony saying these things? We thought his friends had the right to know, but obviously not. Bruce didn't want to get on Tony's bad side – he'd seen what happened to people who got in the bad books, and he never wanted to be there himself. Maybe it was just the drugs that the hospital was pumping into Tony's body; maybe it clouded his judgement or something.

"You're being irrational, Tony. Just calm down. It's probably just the morphine talking," he sighed.

"No, no it's fucking not. This isn't about the morphine, or anything else. This is about you being untrustworthy. This is about you spreading things around and being a dick. I thought we were friends, Bruce."

"Yeah, well so did I, but if this is the way you treat your friends, I want nothing to do with it." Bruce spoke calmly, closing his eyes and breathing slowly through his nose, like his counsellor had taught him. This was too much. It was all too much. But who cared? Right now, he was too angry to even think about it. "Do you know what, Tony? You're volatile. And you're self-obsessed. And I can't deal with that right now."

"Yeah, and you're a jerk, Bruce." Tony practically growled, leaning forward on the bed towards Bruce, his eyebrows furrowed as he glared at the boy. A tall, but rather plump nurse with dark hair rounded the corner, a worried look on her face as she heard the argument brewing between them. She stood beside Tony's bed as her worried expression turned to a professional, stern look – it very similar to the one Bruce often used with Tony.

"Excuse me boys, but I don't think this sort of behaviour will be particularly good for your heart, Mr Stark. I suggest you two either sort this out, or go your separate ways," she murmured, standing in front of the two boys with her hands on her hips.

"Don't worry. I'm going." Bruce huffed, standing to his feet and running a hand through his hair again as he walked away from the bed.

"Thanks for the chocolates, jackass!" Tony shouted after him, past the nurse who was now standing in front of him trying to get him to settle. Bruce just shook his head and didn't look back, instead walking briskly through the ward to get out of the damned hospital, to get away from Tony, to get away from everything. He may or may not have knocked over a trashcan or two on his way home.


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