The light subsided once more and Player Name found himself in the vault clinic. The only other person in the room was Liam Neeson, who didn't seem especially pleased to see him.
"Dad," said Player Name. "I seem to have a tendency to jump through time with disturbing regularity. I don't even know how old I am anymore."
"Well, as far as I can tell, you're a perfectly healthy 16-year-old," replied Liam Neeson. "A 16-year-old man who still hasn't learned to fend for himself. Remember, I'm not always going to be here to look after you. I have a minigun in my locker if you need it."
"No, it's okay."
"Oh well, don't say I didn't ask. Anyway it's time for you to get going to class. You've got a goat to take."
"Whatever you say, Dad. Is there anything I need to know about the goat?"
"Yes. He's big, smelly and keeps trying to eat my lab coat. Now get him out of here please, Mr Brotch, your teacher, is waiting for him."
So Player Name took hold of the rope around the animal's neck and led him to Mr Brotch's classroom. Along the way, however, he noticed Amata, who was apparently his best friend, being harassed by Butch and his gang.
"Leave me alone!" cried Amata. "I can't help it if I don't look anything like Odette Yustman."
"Tunnel Snakes rule!" yelled Butch. This was the name Butch had given to the gang, each member establishing their membership by the wearing of brown leather jackets. With a picture of a snake on the back. Hence they were the Tunnel Snakes. And they ruled.
"Is there a problem here?" asked Player Name, trying to sound as macho as it is possible for a 16-year-old to sound.
"None of your business," hissed a generic gang-member. "We're harassing Amata because she's different. She must suffer."
"Leave her alone or you'll answer to the goat!" snapped Player Name, trying to push the creature in their direction.
Butch laughed, which he had been doing a lot more often ever since his voice broke six months ago.
"Ha! What's he going to do, eat our clothes?"
He is eating our clothes!" cried another gang member. "My leather jacket! He's eating my leather jacket! Let's get outta here!"
And so, the Tunnel Snakes scattered before the might of the goat, who nonchalantly continued to chew on a piece of brown leather.
"Thanks for getting rid of them," said Amata. "Assholes. I don't know why they won't leave me alone. Just because I don't look anything like Odette Yustman I guess."
Amata, along with Player Name, had been on her way to class, for today was the career aptitude test which every 16-year-old in the vault was required to take. This test decided the future career of each and every resident, and despite widespread cynicism over its validity, the Overseer had whole-heartedly endorsed it as he enjoyed upsetting people. Curiously, along with Amata and Player Name, Butch was retaking the test at the age of 27 as the Overseer didn't quite believe he was as old as he was.
Player Name reached class and handed the rope leash to Mr Brotch.
"Ah, it's good to have old Billy back. I hope he wasn't too much trouble."
"I don't know," said Player Name. "I only jumped forward here from six years in the past about ten minutes ago."
"Ah, I see," said Mr Brotch. "Anyway, are you ready for the test?"
"Ohh, I don't really have to take the test do I Mr Brotch?"
"Look," said Mr Brotch, "we both know the exam is a complete farce. So I'll tell you what I'm going to do. You tell me how you want the results to come out and I'll make sure it happens."
"Great!" said Player Name. "I want to be a lumberjack!"
"Huh? But I..."
"I said I want to be a lumberjack," repeated Player Name through gritted teeth.
"Okay, okay! I'll see what I can do."
"I don't want to take the test either," said another student who had overheard the conversation.
Mr Brotch whipped around angrily.
"You just shut the hell up and sit where you are!" he snarled.
"But Player Name..."
"What part of shut the hell up don't you get?"
Suddenly there was a blinding white flash...
"Oh no, not again..." said Player Name.
