Chapter 4
Slap!
"Don't touch that!" I yelped as I swatted my passenger's hand away from the AC. While it wasn't exactly freezing, I was perfectly fine with the temperature it was already, thank you very much.
Dekna Guan narrowed his eyes and growled at the impotent ooman. His own race's most basic one man ships for scouting were far more complex than the vehicle they were in at this moment, and far more spacious. In fact, ground vehicles were rarely used back on Yaut Prime, unless for transport of many goods or groups of Yautja.
How odiously lazy this species were. If he had been up to full strength, he could've made it back to this ooman's residence in no time.
I chewed on a curl of hair from the side of my face. I'd been trying to blow it out of my face for too long, and had claimed a (sort of) victory by attacking the damn stray with my saliva.
The ride back would only take a little under 10 minutes; there was already a tense silence, only permeated by the slight rumble of Dekna when he breathed, the answering hum of the engine and the whooshing of the wind sliding through a gap in my car side window. Every now and then Dekna would growl and tense his claws for no apparent reason then shoot a dark look at me.
I'm not gonna lie, it was starting to give me the creeps.
I can't get over how weird it is seeing him in my car; he's an alien, he belongs on the Death Star, not on leather seats that squeak every time he moves!
Though he still hasn't worked out why I keep on violently exhaling (snorting basically).
Wow, so mature…
You know it.
Get this; he even has to duck when he's in the car, and his errr…derrière…barely fits in the seat! And don't get me started on the gear box; I have to push Dekna's freaking gorilla arms out of the way constantly, 'cause he can't seem to comprehend that it's not an arm rest and is actually crucial in not crashing!
A very feminine growl/'ugh' sound escaped my mouth, gaining me a huff and condescending clicking from my new best buddy.
FINALLY the garage pulls into view, the manor seconds behind. I parked close to the front door, unbuckled (sadly Dekna knew what seatbelts were for, so he didn't buy the whole 'don't worry, they don't make a difference in a crash' ruse), and got out, closing the door behind me. I jogged over to Dekna's door, which he had already opened and was standing against with a pained expression.
"Ok dude, take it easy. If you give me your arm, I'll help you, 'kay?"
No response, helpful.
Taking that as consent, I raised his arm, silently cheering from the lack of resistance and looped it behind my neck. I nudged Dekna so that he would know that I was ready.
But in reality, I could never have been ready for how bloody heavy this guy was!
What does he do, bench press cows?!
And yet he couldn't lift a measly tree on his own. Reeeeeeal cute.
After a string of panted curses and 'accidental' tripping on Dekna's part (jackass), I told him to lean against a pillar as I fished out my keys and unlocked the door, which creaked open slooooowly, like Tiny when he realises I'm taking him to the vet. It was as if it was telling me that Dekna here would be the beginning of the end, my downfall as it were.
I snorted when the image of the manor sprouting limbs and backing away from Dekna while using his 'fingers' to imitate the cross buzzed in my mind.
I bet that it would have glasses made of the drainpipes.
As routine dictated, I peeled off my shoes and nudged open the large closet I dubbed the 'shoe pantry', setting them down in their designated home rack. A pained moan took my attention. I turned around to see Dekna entering the house with the support of the door, which was causing more noise than the sentient creature it was supporting. But I couldn't make a snip at that, because horrors of horrors, the mutherfucker was wearing muddy sandals inside MY HOUSE!
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" I screamed.
Dekna emitted a startled yelp, suddenly stiffening as if in danger. "I have done nothing ooman!"
"Take. Your. Shoes. Off. Or, I swear to whatever deity you fear or even exists, I will do so myself, and take the skin with it to make another pair of shoes, capish?"
He snarled menacingly, though did slip off his offending footwear and hand them to me cautiously. I gingerly held them away with my index finger and thumb pressed together, and hurriedly put them away before closing the shoe pantry.
Oh god, there was so much mud.
Breath! In and out, in and out, in and out-
I knew if I looked at the dirt on the floor now, I would literally break down, so after answering Dekna's snarl with my own, I helped him further inside. I'm not even joking, once the police found the bod(ies), the woods would be cornered off with yellow tape for all eternity, and people would tell tales about how Val the Vamp finally snapped and joined the dark side with Vader, Dracula and Sentinel Prime (moment of silence for Ironhide and the minnie twins).
On our way to the stairs, Dekna got a good eyeful of the main living room and such, and I admittedly puffed up with pride when I noticed the impressed gleam in his eye. It was like some one complimenting your car, or your baby in a beauty pageant. He seemed to eye the giant furs and animal heads with reverence, with glances at me as if sizing up whether I was butch enough to bring them down or not.
Lets just say I wasn't planning to correct him about only ever hunting clay pigeons, artificial targets and the occasional bunny with Lionel (to which he always had to fight to stop me from trying to bury).
And so finally, we reached the Lonely Mountain that was the ominous staircase, which made me wonder whether Dekna would be representing Smaug, or something far more sinister would that I still hadn't discovered in the Manor. We both exchanged a grimace, united in our (ha, not) eagerness for the task ahead.
Dekna squeezed my shoulders (not gently mind you) to gain my attention. When he had it, he trilled with thought and said, "Lead me there, ooma-"
"-Val, not ooman. Common Dekna, we talked about this!" I instantly shut up when he growled and dropped more of his weight on me, so that I gave a cry of pain for my poor back. "OK, OK! I'll take you to the banister, jeeez!"
He rumbled his approval, and I swear to god if we weren't in a position that he could easily throttle me, I would've gone ahead with one of the ideas I had for killing the dude in my head. The easiest being just pushing him down the three-storey staircase, though unfortunately even in his weakened state, he looked like he could walk away from that.
After another pointless argument, we decided to step left foot first (dammit!) and had to pause at every third step or so for Dekna to regain his composure and pretend that he hadn't been howling like he was giving birth or something. I made a mental note to flatten out the carpet of the landings, though thankfully, the most suitable (ie largest) bathroom wasn't on the very top floor.
Fast forward a billion light years…
Huzzah! The bathroom!
Dekna leaned against the door with a grunt and watering eyes as I peeled the door open, revealing a cream tiled room with mottled blue marble and copper detailing. An inconspicuous white door lead to where I knew was the toilet, while in the main section, a basin and oval mirror flung our dishevelled appearances back at us. I noted that Mcscaley was yet again checking out my pad, as it were, though his breathing had started to hitch with all the unwelcome exercise (forget pilates, the stairs are where the calorie burning is at). A large oval wall of glass stood by the window, which was covered in lacy white blinds, clear enough to see the metallic nozzles and showerhead that was attached to the wall. However, our destination was the giant stark white tub by the far left wall, shelves of toiletries and a bowl of lavender (note, need to replace wilting indoor plants) within good reach. It had clawed copper feet and taps, wide and lengthly enough to fit a couple of people comfortably in if the need should ever arrive.
'….'
Don't look at me like that!
"Almost there big guy, lets set you in the tub and sort out ya' back." The gargled growl Dekna gave when he got in/fell in was truly pitiful. To see a battled hardened alien in kinky fishnets a frayed loincloth and Amazonian bangles squeal like a pig at the slaughterhouse was just depressing.
I pulled up the bottom of my drawstring trackies and pocketed my glittering pink socks that Dekna had been eying with derision earlier on.
Pfffft, more like envy!
You've got it, 'gurl friend'.
You're no friend of mineeeee.
Oh, ok, I'll just go to this corner here…
Just kiddin', love ya!
*high fives other hand*
I was jokin' again. Ha.
Dekna raised an eyebrow (muscle) when I slapped my face, multiple times and muttered 'shut up!'. "Did not speak oom-Val. Head alright? Hit by tree as well?"
Awwwwww! He cares!
Or he just wants to check on the mental stability of his self appointed Nurse Joy.
I shook my head. "Na, just the troubles of the universe, Bro."
His mandibles clicked together in confusion. "Am not your brother." Then a sneer only slightly diminished by his pain, "Too beautiful to be."
"Honey, if that's you've definition of beauty, I never wanna see what you deem ugly."
His triumphant expression immediately pulled into that scowl he seemed to so enjoy doing. Without another word, I rummaged through the cupboard under the basin for the first aid kit that sat in every bathroom that the bedrooms in the Manor had, 'cause for all of Grandpa Lionel's craziness, he also had first aid training. Us humans had a far more colourful bright red box, with many silver tools, rolls of bandages and bottled antiseptics and whatnot. After securing my prize, aka the medical tweezers, I launched myself at Dekna's back as he was now sitting in the middle of the bath looking like a disgruntled child outside the head teacher's office (and yes, still clothed if you perverts were wondering).
Disfigured splinters and muddied debris swelled between his scales, a sickening shade concocted from the mixture of the soil and his luminous blood.
Oh god, that's horrible.
Despite his bitchin', I couldn't help but view Dekna as some sort of wounded puppy. Times like this just really brought out my gushy maternal side.
Some bits I pulled out were the length of the tip of my index finger to the joint of flesh at my thumb, others too small to even penetrate Dekna's thick hide and just flowed with the fluids on his scales. Everything I could find was deposited on an old towel I didn't care about.
By the time I reached a point where his back had no gruesome protrusions, I decided that I wouldn't get very far without washing his back. All I gave him was a hum and a pat on the shoulder before turning on the tap of warm water and cupping some to drop on his back. He immediately hissed and snarled out some Yautja curses that I guessed from the ferocity I was better off not knowing.
I relaxed a little when his forest green scales began to show through. I cringed at the thought of having to disinfect the ripped flesh with some alcoholic swabs. I had a feeling that at this point, Dekna was wishing he had some more of his magic PURPLE potion.
Sorry, still a little touchy on that.
"Dekna…"
"What now? Finished?"
"No but…" I sighed with trepidation. "OKsorrythisisgonnahurt!"
"Wha-PAUUUUKK!" He roared, his back flexing away from the wipe. I chased him as he dodged and swerved this way and that, but of course even with my super fast vampire reflexes, he had alien awesomeness points over me.
"Oh for fuck's sake! You had pieces of wood that could've made passable stakes in your back, and you're making a bigger fuss over some miserly ethanol?! Grow the fuck up! You can even borrow my spare balls-"
It happened so fast, my head throbbed as the flow of blood in my brain swirled around. All I knew was being flat on my back in the bath, one leg painfully hanging out, with Dekna pinning me and blocking all light. His weight pressed down from his arms onto my shoulders, wrenching a strangled cry of pain from me. My eyes watered and panic choked me as his weaponised face loomed over me, scorching eyes scalding and terrifying.
"Know your place, ooman." Dekna rumbled slowly. It was meant to instigate cold fear, which it utterly did, but a far more insane rush of anger and wounded pride smashed through me in the form of a blood-curdling scream. My wrist blades shot up into the elbow joint where his scales were softer and creamy, which made them buckle as his eyes flared along with his mandibles with surprise. I used my free leg and his momentum to throw Dekna to the side and hook myself over the bath's ledge to roll out of it. Immediately I pounced back and handed on the balls of my feet on his chest, silently thanking my addiction of martial arts and xbox games. Both of my hands wrapped over Dekna's mandibles and I thrust them upwards, so that our faces were yet again close. His eyes were bulging with shock and pain from landing on his back again.
The adrenaline fed the boiling, psychotic anger I irrationally felt. My crackling voice whispered my threat. "Know yours, Yautja." I spat.
He glared death back and tried to flare his mandibles by instinct, but was stopped as my hands clamped down again. My wrist blades were dangerously close to a route to his brain from the soft pallet of his throat and we both knew it. Hell, he could feel it.
"I have offered my help, my home, my safe haven, and this is how you answer?" He didn't say anything, both of us breathing harshly and refusing to break eye contact. "You will accept that, or get the fuck out of my life if you can't respect me, because I demand it as the only payment for my hospitality. You spoke of dishonour before, didn't you? I'm guessing it means a lot to your people, so do everyone including you poor mother a favour and don't be dishonourable. Don't be a motherfucker, Dekna. Now, let me disinfect your back, unless you want your scales to have to be filed down."
And with that I threw his head back and jumped out to pull him up by the arm. I dragged my stool into position and got back to work, refusing to meet his burning eyes again. He didn't make a sound but for his harsh breathing when I was using the alcohol swaps on larger wounds, and only the stiffening of muscles when I jammed the needle into to stitch him. It felt like a century later that I finally told him to wash the rest of himself, with no response from Dekna, as I busied myself with cleaning away the old towel and the medical supplies, as well as the splashed water on the floor. The small pedal bin was almost full when I was done, and much to my embarrassment, I realised that Dekna had finished washing while I had been in the room.
Dammit, I missed the live show, front seat and all!
Shut up my floosy! Now is so not the time!
Without another word or glance, I pulled out a fresh towel, dropped it on the stool and left the room. After passing two more doors, I ran all the way to the room Marcus occupied when he stayed and pulled out a black set of pyjamas, before rushing back.
Again at the last few doors I pressed into a walk and forced my breathing back to normal, my sudden nerve and willingness to die gone with my adrenaline. However I forced a blank expression and rolled my shoulders back, before meeting Dekna's inflamed gaze.
Montgomery's laugh in the face of danger!
Yeah well so did Simba, and look where at got him! Chased by hyenas, I tell you!
Oh, let's ignore the tiny detail that he became KING!
…Shut up.
We stood there for an eternity, as I wondered if my life was suddenly going to become a lot shorter.
But finally, Dekna growled out in a tone like grit, "What is it ooman?"
Aaaaaaand here came my pride with a snarl. His eyes narrowed and again we were bathed in silent tension. "What is it Valentina." He didn't even stumble over my full name, and I fought hard to regain my composure from the shock.
I swallowed painfully, before bringing up Marcus's clothes, thankful that at least Dekna had donned his loincloth again. "I have clothes for you to sleep in. Follow me." I pivoted and exited to walk next door to the adjourning guest room, one with rouge walls and almost black wooden furniture. A lone Spanish ship fought the waves in a gold frame above the four-poster bed, while dainty white china oddities danced across the dresser and cupboard. I dropped the folded black clothes on the centre of the bed and turned, thankful that Dekna had actually followed me. His expression was unreadable yet stony, which terrified me even more than his rage before.
"You can sleep here, and use that bathroom. I'll leave you now, goodnight." Long steps flung me towards the door, before a gut wrenching pull of foreboding and fear set in again. I turned back in the doorway, to see Dekna still in place but only flipped around so that he still faced me with that same cold look in his molten lava eyes. "If you find the urge to throttle me or skin me in my sleep or whatever, at least clean up the mess and make your bed, 'kay? My OCD is powerful enough to drive me to haunt you as a ghost." I said with complete seriousness.
At with that I left. The entire walk back to my room, I couldn't force myself to run like before, as if the action would be an admission that horrible monsters were following my every move. Safe to say, I bolted my bedroom door after Tiny hobbled in and collapsed with me on the bed, and the wrist blades never left my arms. It didn't really occur to me that it was still daytime, but oh welllll, it wasn't like I didn't have a stack of books locked in with me.
I checked the clock to see that it was already past 2pm. The events of the day were of course catalogued in the Spook Book, with a footnote promising that I wasn't lying. Then came the comfort of my books, texting Tilly about her wanting me to come with her to get her latest tattoo and braiding my hair again and again and again.
I also had a panic attack and the urge to eat pancakes, but I guess that's the Montgomery crazy gene talking again.
