Ready Or Not – Chapter 3 – Truth and Consequences
"Ani, it's been almost a week. You've gotta tell me what's going on. I'm coming over to the house tonight. We need a real conversation here, not just two or three words on the phone."
Anessa listened to Acer's voice mail only once and hit the delete button immediately. She hadn't completely ignored his calls. She had answered his texts and had spoken to him a couple of times since the morning she asked him to leave for a while.
The problem was – she knew he was correct. For a couple that had been involved, the suddenness of the separation was only clear to her. That told her one thing: Acer didn't think the condom issue was an issue.
She had expected him to come back to her house after a couple of days and apologize more earnestly about the misunderstanding. He had been to the house but he hadn't mentioned a word – not one word – about it. As though not talking about it would make the whole thing just blow over.
If this had happened with Zac he would've been in tears, on his knees begging me to forgive him and swearing it would never happen again. Her mind had played out that scenario at least once a day over the past days. It was always followed with…If this had been Zac – but it wouldn't have happened with Zac. Making love with Zac meant more between us…
She stopped her thoughts purposefully and leaned against the kitchen counter with a hand on her forehead. It was finally hitting her, physically and emotionally. The breakup with Zac was finally making her really think about her life and her relationship with Acer. What she and Zac had had was special. He was special. She knew that, but after their end agreement she had tried to convince herself otherwise.
What her mother had said was true. Anessa had been Zac's first sexual experience, as he had been for her. And the two of them had waited to share that experience until they were sure – both of them – that love was where they had fallen. The intimate experiences had grown to the point that she was practically addicted to them – to him. And when time and distance separated them she felt the withdrawals – not just from the lack of his physical loving, but the need for his caring, his nearness…just him.
Zac had felt it, too. Ultimately their need for each other was what led to their so-called breakup. Anessa still hated looking at it that way. But they had agreed that perhaps they were each so addicted to the other that space and time were what they needed. Without it they decided their careers wouldn't work. As much as they both hated the decision, it was made mutually. Addictions must be broken and sometimes walking away is just the best thing to do.
A half hour later Anessa found herself in her bedroom with the memories coursing through her heart. Without a clue as to how she'd gotten there she looked in the mirror and thought about the two men she had been with.
Acer was a determined young man. His career had yet to take off completely although he was a successful actor. He was caring, daring, fun and dedicated. He was gentle with Anessa and yet when her playful, aggressive side kicked in, he didn't hesitate to match it. She shivered slightly and thought about the night in question.
That's what had happened after the awards. She had felt playful, sexy and wanted to see how far she could push him. The idea had never crossed her mind – that he wouldn't use his protection. She never once thought that perhaps she was playing with fire – because when she had pushed Zac to that point, more than once – it hadn't been an issue.
Still lost in her thoughts, Anessa barely heard the hum of the garage door opening and the voice that she somewhat dreaded hearing.
"Ani, I know you're home. We need to talk, Baby, face to face. You've gotta give me a clue about this," Acer's voice was somewhat pleading.
Still, there was something about his request that made Ani cringe. 'You've gotta give me a clue?' Is he serious?
Without a second thought about what she wanted to say, she stepped out of her second-floor bedroom and looked over the rail into her expansive living room. She spotted her boyfriend standing, with arms crossed, next to the sofa.
"I have to give you a clue?" Ani's voice was deeper than Acer expected. He knew the tone. She was disappointed, with a twinge of anger seeping through. He waited for her to say more but what he got was a piercing stare from her brown eyes.
"C'mon, Ani. Don't do this, okay? Don't be this way, talk to me, please?" Acer tried to relax his shoulders but Ani's stare was enough to make him tense and nervous.
Anessa took a deep breath and shook her head. She realized he deserved an explanation but all she had to offer was the same conversation – debate – argument that they had shared over the past six days.
"Come down here," Acer tried again. "Let's sit down and you can just tell me what's got you upset. Why won't you even talk to me?"
Ani gripped the railing and watched him. There was a part of her that loved him. She just couldn't pinpoint which part that was. At that moment her mind was taking that part and pushing it aside.
Acer sat on the edge of the couch and rested his elbows on his knees. He watched as she kept an eye on him and descended the stairs slowly. He waited until she took a few more steps toward him off the staircase and he stood again. He stretched a guiding hand in her direction and felt his heart sink a notch when she refused, crossed her arms across her chest, and stepped around him.
"Sit, Ace," she instructed pointedly.
He did as he was told but felt a near frown forming on his lips at her attitude; treating him like a little animal – like Sadie. Anessa remained standing in front of the couch, arms crossed, looking at his knees.
This time he scooted back on the furniture, leaned back against the cushions and made himself somewhat comfortable. "It's still the condom thing, isn't it," he matched her smile-less expression but kept his more-relaxed position.
Anessa took a deep breath and looked back into his face. "It's more than the condom thing," she emphasized. "It's that you lied to me Acer. And who's to say that if you've lied once, you won't lie to me again?" her face told the story of the many times she had thought about this and not found her own conclusion.
"That's what I need you to realize," she continued. "Truth means a lot to me. It should mean a lot to both of us when we're talking about our relationship. It's truth, it's trust…Acer it's the foundation of what good relationships are made of. If I can't trust you to tell me the truth about something that happened when we're having s- … when we're ma-making love…" her words drifted as she lifted her hands in the air and then crossed them again. "How do I know you aren't going to lie to me about other stuff?"
Acer sat up straighter and put a hand on his thigh, rubbing it back and forth over his jeans. "Ani, Baby, it was the heat of the moment. I'm not going to forget again. I see how much this means to you…"
"No, obviously you don't, Ace. And you're sitting here practically lying to me again," Ani interrupted.
"What?" Acer's eyes squinted together trying to understand what she was hearing.
"When I asked you about wearing a condom it was long after the heat of the moment. And it wasn't that you forgot it, you just opted not to use one. There's a big difference there. Can you at least admit that you lied to me about it? Can we agree on that part?" Anessa waited impatiently for his answer.
Acer stretched his neck backwards and slowly blinked his eyes. When he straightened his head he licked his lips and looked into her eyes. "Okay, yes, I lied to you about it. At that point you had me on edge and I was more intent on getting us both over that edge together than worrying about putting on a rubber. So, no, I didn't forget and yes, I lied to you when you asked me later on. Neither mistake is going to happen again. I promise you it won't," he let a breath leak through his nose and watched to see if her stance would change.
Anessa pressed her lips together and cautiously sat down on the other end of the sofa. They both sat silently, looking everywhere but at each others' faces.
After another minute Acer looked toward her, "Ani, look, I'm sorry," He breathed heavily and inched his hand across the seat toward her. "I love you. I don't want to hurt you. I didn't do that to hurt you. But you not talking to me – not helping me understand – that's hurting me. The trust thing…I understand that. I see now how you were looking at things. I get it."
Anessa leaned toward him slightly and let her hand slide off her chest and onto the sofa, her palm facing upward as an invitation for him to grasp and hold it. Acer accepted her invitation and quickly slid toward her, turning sideways to face her and hold her hand between both of his.
Ani was still quiet, not completely convinced that they were back on the same page. Her eyes looked down at their joined hands. She couldn't quite put her finger on the discomfort that was still settled inside of her. Shouldn't she be wrapping her arms around him and beginning the make-up portion of this disagreement? Shouldn't they be long past this stage of the game?
Acer scooted closer to her. He bent down gingerly and kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger longer and breathing against her skin. "Listen," he pulled back and nudged her forehead with his before separating them. "I have to fly out tomorrow for some meetings about my next movie shoot. I'll probably be out of town all week."
Anessa waited for the other shoe to drop. Had she known about this trip? Was this something he had told her and she hadn't listened? Or had it just developed? Either way she really wasn't bothered by the idea of him being out of town.
Acer noticed that she didn't question him being gone. And she didn't seem overly upset about the idea.
"Can I stay with you tonight?" his request was simple but Anessa knew there was more to it. After their strained week apart he was looking to make things right. In her heart, in all honesty, the idea of making up, making things right, making love wasn't what she wanted.
She breathed deeply and forced herself to smile softly. "What if we go out for dinner and come back here and watch a movie or something?"
"Or something?" Acer's eyes twinkled slightly at the innuendo.
Anessa tilted her head. "Yeah, something like a tv show or video games or the paintings on the walls…" she attempted to joke.
Acer creased his forehead looking for an explanation.
"P.M.S." she let the words slip from her lips with a slight sigh.
Acer scooted even closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close for a caressing hug. "Well that sucks," he commented against her earlobe.
The contact gave him hope and a warmth he had missed for the past six days. For Anessa, leaning against him was suddenly an effort she had to make. She let another silent sigh escape and tried to focus on the arms around her. His presence wasn't what she wanted right now but she would try to make the best of it.
After all, it's just one little lie, she thought to herself. What's the big deal?
ReadyOrNotReadyOrNot
Three days into Acer's trip Anessa was even more appreciative that he wasn't in L.A. When she awoke with the headache and nausea she wasn't sure if it was the sushi she had shared with her girlfriends the night before, the alcohol she had consumed, or a bug that was going around. Whichever the case, her churning stomach forced her to stay in bed longer than she anticipated.
"Ugh…" she groaned as the phone rang. She rolled toward the opposite side of the bed and stretched to reach the device. "Hello?" her sleepy voice spoke.
"Time for you to catch up with your mother again. How does lunch sound, Ani?" Jeana's voice was much more upbeat than Anessa's body was feeling.
"Do we have to today, Mom?" she laid back flat on the mattress and rubbed one hand over her squinting eyes.
"Are you feeling ok? Ella said you were going out with the girls last night because Acer's out of town. I thought this would be a good day for lunch and manicures," Jeana waited for her daughter's response.
When Ani's answer didn't come right away Jeana tried another approach. "Anessa, you didn't overdo it with the girls last night did you?"
She heard Anessa's heavy breath and knew she was thinking about whatever she had done the previous evening.
"No," she began with a near breathless answer. "We just had some drinks, dinner, dancing and then home. I had a few to drink but I didn't overdo it."
The more awake she was becoming the more Anessa knew that answer was true. "No, I'm sure I didn't," she added before Jeana spoke again.
"Okay…" Jeana's voice hesitated. "Are you and Acer back on better terms?"
Anessa struggled to sit up between the pillows on her bed and steadied herself with one hand while she held the phone in the other. "I guess we're getting there. He's on some kind of site survey or something this week. He won't be back until Sunday."
"Is that a good or bad thing?" Jeana wondered.
"Mom," Anessa tried to stretch her neck and shoulders but none of her movements were easing the dull ache in her head.
"Anessa," Jeana shot back sarcastically. "Honey, are you even out of bed yet?"
"No, Mother, I'm not," Anessa moved her legs toward the edge of the bed and scooted slowly.
"How long will it take you to get out of bed?" Jeana sounded almost like Anessa's little sister, up and ready for the day ahead long before the twenty'ish year old even thought about what day it was.
"Can we back up a little bit? You're making my head hurt, Mom. Why all the questions this morning - of all mornings?" Anessa sat up on the side of the bed. "You are just way too chipper. You know I'm not a morning person."
Jeana raised her eyebrows and glanced at the clock on the stove. "Well, I thought I had given you enough time to get up and going. It is one o'clock after all."
Anessa glanced at the alarm clock at the head of her bed. There was nothing wrong with sleeping in but it was rare for her to sleep later than about ten. "I must not've set my alarm when I got in."
Jeana heard Anessa's yawning answer. "Honey, are you okay? I'm sorry. I really thought you'd be up and going by now. I just wanted to check in on you. It's been a few days since we chatted and I just wanted to see how things were with you and Acer. When Ella told me he was out of town… well, I got a little concerned – especially because you didn't go with him."
Anessa took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She blinked and stretched her eyelids, taking in what Jeana was saying. "How about I come over for a late lunch? I really don't feel like going out anywhere but I'll come over there. Can we have mom and daughter day at home?"
Jeana smiled. There was nothing more she liked than having her daughter at home. And from the sound of Anessa's voice it might just be the two of them, curled up on the couch chatting about a future that required some maternal advice and a lot of motherly love.
"Your dad's working a double shift and Ella's spending a couple of days with a friend. Give me a call when you're heading this way, we'll have the house to ourselves."
ReadyorNotReadyorNot
Anessa's mother could feel the change the moment her daughter walked through the door an hour later. The tired face, the somewhat pale skin, "Ani, you're not feeling well. Why didn't you just say so?"
Anessa made her way to the kitchen and dropped her over-sized bag on the table before plopping herself into a chair. "I was just getting up when you called. I thought taking a shower would help… then Acer called." She looked up at Jeana with eyes that defied the smile she was attempting to put on.
"Is he doing alright?" Jeana asked more out of curiosity than real concern for the young man.
"Yeah, he's in Indiana for some movie thing. I don't even know what he's doing really. He just called to say that he missed me and he loves me." She blinked softly and again let the corners of her mouth point upward.
"But…" Jeana urged her on.
"But…what?" Anessa looked at her mom. "I miss him, too. I love him, too. That's probably the problem. The weirdness of these last two weeks is probably getting to me. I'm used to him being with me most of the time now. I'm probably just starting to feel the effects of not having him here."
Jeana nodded her head forcibly, trying to agree with Anessa's account. "Are you still losing sleep over that issue that you two had? Have you even talked to him about it?"
Anessa noticed the slight tension in her mom's voice. Jeana still hadn't asked what the issue was – and now that fact was beginning to bother the older woman. "Yes. We talked before Acer had to fly out. He spent the night at my place and I took him to the airport. There are still a few little kinks, but we'll work them out."
"Mmm-hmmm," again Jeana nodded but didn't add her voice any farther.
"Mmm-hmm, what, Mom?" Anessa leaned back in her chair and ran a hand across her stomach pushing slightly at the area where a quiet knot was forming.
"Nothing," Jeana smiled. "I hope you do get them worked out, Sweetheart. Trust is a big thing – but so is communication. You've gotta be able to work through problems when you have them. You can't just shut down on him and expect him to know what's going through your mind. And don't think you can read his mind either, because you'd be surprised…"
Anessa nodded, listening intently to what Jeana was saying. The thing was, her mind and heart were thinking of two different people. One who had just let her shut down without really attempting to read her mind; and another who had worked day and night to keep those lines of communication open - when they were together.
Anessa squinted her eyes slightly and rubbed a hand over her belly again. Jeana had stopped talking and was looking at the way she was rubbing her stomach.
"Are you feeling sick?" her mother asked with a more concerned tone.
Anessa shrugged her shoulders, "Just queasy. I'm sure I'm just tired because I haven't slept well without Acer there." She noted the silent cringe that captured her mother at the thought of Anessa and this boyfriend sleeping together.
Jeana sat for a moment and looked down at her hands.
"What?" Anessa finally asked.
Jeana looked up and then quickly stood from the table and headed toward the cabinet. "How about some chicken soup? That should help you feel better. We'll have some lunch and then sit on the couch and watch a movie."
Anessa watched her mother. "Mom, you weren't thinking about soup, just then. What were you gonna say?"
Jeana shook her head and took some canned soup from the pantry. "Nothing, Honey, I was just trying to think of what we had that might help you feel better. Soup and rest - that's the prescription you need."
"Mama?" Anessa called out to Jeana and grabbed her attention with the little-girl voice that still struck a chord in Jeana and Greg's hearts. If her mother was truly concerned about something, Anessa wanted to know it.
Jeana turned from the can opener and looked toward Ani's face.
"What, Baby?" her tone softened. She wasn't sure she could find the words to answer her daughter's expected request, but she would try.
"What were you going to say? You didn't even look me in the eye. Don't lie to me, please? That's why Acer and I are squabbling. Tell me what you were thinking, Mama." Anessa stayed at the table looking somewhat pitiful in Jeana's opinion.
Jeana's thoughts were enough to make her turn back to her job at hand, purposefully turning her back on Anessa. Jeana tapped her nervous heel against the tiled floor and bit on her bottom lip as she finished opening the can. "I don't think Acer's absence is the reason you're feeling bad," she spoke over her shoulder. "Kind of the opposite is what I'm thinking."
"What do you mean?" Anessa's voice took a slight defensive turn.
Jeana turned toward her daughter, leaned against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. She let out a long breath and then looked at Ani across the small room, "I think you're feeling bad…because you're pregnant."
ReadyorNotReadyorNot
The look of shock on Anessa's face was more of a tortured truth being released than a rush of emotions. "Mother!" her eyes widened as the blood rushed to her cheeks. The burning sensation reminded Anessa of the reasons she didn't exactly cherish conversations with her mother that involved discussions about either of their sexual activities.
Jeana shrugged as the blush on her cheeks also brightened. "It is possible, isn't it?" Her voice was only slightly quieter than her declaration had been.
Anessa tried to relax her tense shoulders. "No, of course it's –"
"Ani, now who's lying?" Jeana's direct stare made Anessa stop before she could finish the sentence. "The issue between you and Acer it's something about your…intimate…relationship, isn't it?"
Anessa sat at the table slightly dumbfounded. Her mother thought she was pregnant and now she was showing Anessa just how well she was able to fit the puzzle pieces of her young relationship together.
"Why would you say that?" she attempted with the mumbling question.
"Because the trust issue means too much to you – and yet you wouldn't go into details about it with me. The only thing you hesitate to tell me about, Anessa Anne, is your…" Jeana sat down across from Anessa and held her breath for a moment, covering her lips with her fingertips and dragging them downward over her chin, all the while allowing her cheeks to burn a brighter red before saying the words, "your sex life."
Anessa cringed at the sound of Jeana's voice. She didn't use the words relationship, or making love, or boyfriend. She was right to the point. Her mother was thinking about her sex life.
The two women sat, staring at their hands on the table, for long moments trying to think of what else to say. Anessa took an audible breath, allowing ideas to run through her brain.
So what's the big deal, here? Of course she knows Ace and I are sleeping together. She's a smart woman…she's married…she has two daughters. When Zac and I started…she lectured me…but even that wasn't this embarrassing. What's the difference between me making love with Zac and with Acer? What makes this so different?
She chanced looking at her mother only when the tingling began to leave her face. Jeana looked up at her letting their eyes meet. "I told you. I'm your mother. I'm not going to judge you. I love you and I just don't want you to be hurt. But after we talked last week I knew this issue had to do with that part of your relationship. When you didn't just give me the details right then and there, I knew."
Anessa watched her mother. Jeana's eyes were just a bit sad. Or was that disappointment she saw? Whatever the case, Jeana was right. And if she was correct about that, could her other thought be true as well?
The young woman sat up straighter and held her breath as she quickly put her hand back over her abdomen. Both of them noticed the movement, the placement, at the same time. Anessa didn't reach for her queasy stomach this time. Instead her hand landed lower, at the smooth, flat area of her body that her mother was questioning.
"I – I can't…" she looked at her hand and then back at her mother, shaking her head.
Jeana's motherly face returned; soft eyes, relaxed features, loving sensations reaching out to her daughter. "Ani, is it possible?"
Anessa tilted her head downward, her eyes fixated on the hand that was still holding the tender area of her abdomen.
"Yes," she spoke slowly.
She raised her head and looked at Jeana with the slightest bit of fear. Jeana's little girl reached out to her mother, begging her with one simple look, to make the situation better.
Jeana stood and slowly rounded the table to wrap her arms around her baby girl. "The thing Acer lied about…it is potentially life changing, isn't it?"
Anessa slumped forward toward the table feeling only a hint of comfort from her mother's hold. "Potentially, yes."
Jeana loosened her hold and began to rub Anessa's back. "Had you even thought about this possibility?" she wanted to bring her daughter back into the reality of the moment.
"No," Anessa shook her head as she rested it against her hands on the table. "I hadn't gotten that far, I guess. I've been so stuck on getting him to apologize for lying to me… I…I hadn't even let myself think about the consequences."
Jeana's hand stopped moving for just a moment. "Sweetheart, if you're pregnant, it's not a consequence. It's a baby."
ReadyorNotReadyorNot
