312) Rule 310 is now retracted until such a time the R&D lab is rebuilt

312) Rule 310 is now retracted until such a time the R&D lab is rebuilt. Some idiot filled it with the wrong equipment, and the 4th Division claimed that the bed, whips, and other items were theirs. Eh? Nemu, put down the pipe, SLAM ARGH! STOP! STOP! Rest of the message is covered in blood - Captain Kurotsuchi M.

313) Substitute Shinigami are now honorary members of the Janitorial Division. - Captain Unohana

314) All attempts at getting a law passed stating that "Substitute Shinigami are now honorary members of the Janitorial Division" are henceforth banned. Ichigo Kurosaki will not be coming by your residence to "fix your leaky pipes" as the Women's Association put it. - Captain Yamamoto

315) Revoking Rule 313 is punishable by having a tense and angry Captain Unohana use her Bankai followed by a Barium enema. - Captain Unohana

316) Rule 313 is hereby... how did she do that? - Captain Yamamoto

317) Telling Captain Soifon that her best chance to ever get with Yoruichi is through a threesome with Ichigo Kurosaki is deemed hazardous. Medical Bills will be taken out of the victims pay.

317a) Apparently, the entire TFF Division took it upon themselves to convince Captain Soifon of this fact with evidence in the form of pictures and videos. Will the remaining non-incapacitated members please convince her that killing Ichigo Kurosaki is not the way to free "Yoruichi-sama" from his clutches is to give him death? Maimed enough to be sent to 4th Division is preferred.

317b.) Yoruichi-sama we appreciate your efforts to stabilize the situation, but did you have to invite Soi Fon to join the two of you like that? Her smile is creeping us all out and we've had to break up several dozen catfights with Kuchiki Rukia.

317c.) And Shiba Kuukaku.

317d.) And Unohana Retsu.

318) It is not permissable to ask who's in charge of the TFF Division. Asking results in a Division Civil War.

319) Quit stealing all our women Ichigo! You have living women and Arrancar already!

320). It's not enough.

321) For the last time Kurotshuchi: NO ORBITAL ANTI HOLLOW WEAPONRY!!.

321a) Why?, Because we 1. Don't have the budget. 2. We know you'll use them on us at some point.

321b. And (3) how exactly are we going to put one up into orbit, much less find the power to fire it?

321c) (4) We are not stealing NASA's.

321d.) Or asking the occasionally visiting Sith Lords

321e.) That includes that sociopathic hunk of Junk following Revan around.

321f) Or asking acting shinigami Enterprise to transport them up there.

322) The 4th division is no longer allowed to watch the movie "300" or any similar movie

322a) nor are they allowed to build a large hole to toss uncooperative 11th division members

322b) who ever provided "300" is now responsible for bringing the morale of the 11th division back up

322c) they just haven't been the same since the nurses from the 4th division beat them up and threw them out of their barracks.

323) And we are not using acting shinigami Enterprise and the visiting Sith Lords to debate SW. Vs ST.

324) Flarnith of the TFF division must tear apart the Anti-Hollow Tank dubbed 'Ghostkilla', we purify with the soul cutters, not massed firepower. -G.C. Yamamoto

324a) Worth it. -Flarnith

325). Kurosaki Ichigo and Zaraki Kenpachi are not allowed to fight over Unohana Retsu.

325a). We all know she loves the Berry, anyway. - Ichigo.

325b) . Feh. She's gonna be disappointed by the fact that your huge ass sword is only that big because of overcompisation. - Kenpachi.

325c.)... Bankai. - Ichigo.

326). Whoever wrote this rule will be punished by being made to clean up the mess this two idiots made... by themselves. - Yamamoto-soutaicho.

327). And there's no need to overcompisate, anyway - Kurosaki-kun's equipment is perfectly sized. ... As is Zaraki-taicho's. – Unohana

327a). Please stop talking about your or other people's... ah... Equipment, shall we say, on this board. Some people just dont really need to know. Taicho, how would you know it is perfectly... sized...

Oh.

Oh my.

327c.) That's something best experienced for yourself, Isane-chan. If you'd like I could arrange something later. Isshin-kun is happy to help set times when visitors can meet with Ichigo-kun.

327d.) Rule #326c is hereby repealed under the anti-pimping laws in regards to Kurosaki Ichigo already on this list.

And the anti-matchmaking law, Retsu. Do you honestly think we didn't see that one coming?

328.) Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo and Division Eleven captain Zaraki Kenpachi will hereby keep their 'spars' limited to unpopulated areas or the training grounds granted to the Eleventh Division. We don't care how much fun you had when you saw the the look on Captain Kurotsuchi's face after he saw what was left of his private quarters and lab.

328a). That goes for any spar involving the TFF-subdivision and Uzuamki Naruto as well.

The 12th division is not an add-on it is a necessity to research and development.

328b). Whoever called Kurotsuchi-taicho a "Great big clown baby" Vice Captain Nemu would like a word.

Rule: Do not make fun of a captain who could poison the very air you breathe, food you eat, and in your sleep.

329) Kurotsuchi we over look a lot you do over at 12, But keep 3rd seat Eggamn under control, We have had numerous complaints about him transforming most of Rukongai into Shinigami robots.

330) The black hedgehog is to be returned to its appropriate universe

330a) The blue one too

330 Silver and gold hedgehogs can stay

330 c) The above is repealed, all supersonic hedgehogs are to be returned.

330 d) Zarakai and Kurotsuchi-NO!

330 e) Rukia Kuchki may not keep them as pets.

330f) As well as the rabbits Kuchki.

330g) And the two tailed fox Komamura.

331) Cardiff has been added to the list of places Shinigami may not go

331a) Kyoraku, this includes drinks with Jack and Owen

331b) We would like to keep Kurotsuchi away from any and all alien artifacts, the Rift, Torchwood, UNIT ect

331c) No Zarakai, Torchwood will not revive Abbadon so you can fight him. They killed him once, and would prefer to not go through that again.

331d) Zarakai, you may not fight Captain Jack Harkness just because he's immortal

331e) Jack is banned from Soul Society including Rukongai

331f) The Doctor is also banned from Soul Society.

331g) Shinigami are also banned from the Tardis

331h) Especially Kurotsuchi!!

332) The technology of peace is a lie.

332a) Nod is banned from the Soul Society.

333) Kurotsuchi-taichou, cease your experiments with hybridizing Xenomorphs, Zerg, Tyranids and Arachnids into a super-monster! We have enough problems as it is with Hollows, and if these new super-monsters of yours manage to escape from 12th Division headquarters, you're personally hunting and eradicating EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM, ALL BY YOURSELF!

334) Shunsui and Hiko are not allowed to meet.

335) Just because Kenshin uses a sakabato does not mean its wise to fight him

336) You cannot annoy Kenshin just to see if his eyes change color

337) Yamamoto is not Shishio Makoto

338) The official policy regarding the potential Hollow or Arrancar known as Shishio Makoto is to do nothing.

338a) Why? Because the last we heard, he was planning on taking over Hueco Mondo. Might as well let the villains duke it out.

339) Ichigo Kurosaki is to report to the Kuchiki compound at once. You're father has sold you for ¥300,000,000. And a slice of pie.

339a) As said trasaction is legal under both the mortal world's and soul society's laws. No one may complain. - C. G. Yamamoto.

339b) Anyone attempting to actually make me obey that contract has to deal with Yuzu Kurosaki first. She has a written statement signed by me claiming she owns my soul. - Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki.

339c) I'm NOT selling my oniichan! I may lend him out though.- Yuzu Kurosaki (WHAT?! - Ichigo Kurosaki)

339d) Not possible Kurosaki under Soul law until you're majority of 18 years you belong mind, body and soul to the person who gave you life. If said person has passed on then you pass on to the father. So either you move to the Kuchiki compound or pay them ¥600,000,000 and 2 slices of pie. - C. G. Yamamoto's Lawyer.

339e(. . . . Strike that. Kurusaki Yuzu owns Kurusaki Ichigo. The twins convinced their father of the validity of their claim.

339f) How? Once we find all the pieces of his gigai, we can find out.

339g) Incidentally, how did the twins turn the pieces of Isshin's gigai into Horcruxes and seal his soul into them?

339h) I'm more concerned with how they managed to beat him when his powers were already unsealed.

339i) Also, Vice-Captain Yachiru is complaining that she is of majority no matter how she looks and that her claim on Zaraki is thusly valid.

339j.) Due to Ichigo's "Borrowing" of a Apocalyptic grade nuclear weapon, all claims on him are no longer valid

339k.) No more theft of WMD's, we know who raided Iraq an hour before it started...

340) After a series of events, it has been decided that Zarakai will take a class on the phrase "With great power, comes great responsibility". Shinigami Women's Society

340a) We also have slots for other seated officers we may consider enrolling.

340b) Great job, ladies, Kenpachi jumped out the window halfway through, and is walking around saying that he has a responsibility to punch people in the face.

340c) Extra hazard pay is being offered to anyone who can either get Kenpachi to actually finish the class

340d) As a side-note, Fourth Division has been run ragged. Captain Unohana is not amused, ladies.

341) From now on it is required that all captains keep detailed records of the members of their divsion, as Zaraki managed to misplace his whole squad again.

341a) Further it is required to turn in forms detailing all movements of members between divisions to the Supreme Captain before the trade is made. This is to make sure Shunsui doesn't try to trade his entire division with Hitsugaya in order to be in command of the largest female force in all of soul society.

341b). DAMMIT!-Shunsui

341c). Eh... Why is the only girl in our division Yachiru?-Kenpachi

341d) ...Why is 98 of this division made up of women?-Hitsugaya

341e). You're too young to understand Taicho.-Matsumoto

342) Bribing MY lawyer, whether by wealth or a plate of fresh hot cookies, is hereby forbidden. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent lawyer in the Soul Society, what with corrupted souls going to hell? At the very least, bribe me first with those cookies, Yuzu. - C.G. Yamamoto

342a) He's the only one other than Mr Wright. Only reason you get one to yourself and the rest of SS has to share is you're the commander general. – Anonymous

343) Zaraki you can not sent up a permanent residence on Cybertron. We don't care if you view fighting giant robots that are millions of years old as a challenge.

343a.) That does not mean you get to bring the one known as Rampage back with you.

343b.) Yes, you cause more than enough damage on your own without that particular type of lunatic adding to the mayhem.

343c) Shinigami are hereby forbidden from performing Soul Burial on Optimus Prime's Spark for two reasons. One, it is in no danger of becoming a Hollow, due to it getting a new body every few months. Two, do you /want/ to see a truck becoming a Shinigami?

343d) The last question of 343c was rhetorical, damn it.

343e). The shinigami who purified Optimus Prime is now forced to bunk with him. And no, you are not getting a bigger room.

343f) Optimus Prime is not a Vizard, despite the faceplate and the ability to transform. He is Optimus Prime.

344) Jersey City is added to the off limits list. Zaraki stop fighting Coop! We half expect him to show up here.

345) Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson is not the rightful and indisputable King of Soul Society.

345a). The 'Captain' title refers to his position in the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, not the Gotei 13, and it is wrong to tell gullible Academy students that it does. Especially you, Shunsui.

345b) And no Zaraki, he doesn't want to fight you.

345c) Put him back already. Vimes is threatening to arrest us, and since they actually have enough cells now...

345d) Besides, Vetinari is thinking about visiting now. Hurry, before he finds transport!

346) Captain Zaraki will return the Nac Mac Feegle at once. The Fact that they believe they are already in the afterlife, does not give you the right to annex them into your division.

347) Beware of any large yellow, living circles, especially in proximity to flashing white dots.

347a) And as a warning, do not attempt to combat the four coloured Hollows that keep following the yellow circle around. We do not understand why, but they refuse to be stopped in such a manner. I destroyed the things personally with Ryuujinjakaa, and they still came back!

348) Whoever managed to summon the Langoliers is going to get an enema from Ryuujinjakka!

348a) This is actually Kusajishi-fukutaichou's shikai, Yamamoto-soutaichou-sama.

349) Do not disturb the eight-inch tall pink puffball.

349a) We're still gathering up Captain Kurotsuchi after it coughed up his liquefied form.

349b) Division 11 is forbidden from confronting the thing. Given its tendency to emulate people, we have enough trouble dealing with one hyperactive pink fight-maniac.

349c) Zaraki-taichou, I said do not confront... Oh damn.

349d) We're going to need repairs for the 11th Division's barracks. They seem to have been... eaten...

349e) Additionally, the pink puffball ate the Soukyoku. Run!

350) Zaraki and Kratos are not to fight/spar/duel/or any manner of fighter within city walls.

350a). If you must fight, take it somewhere where there isn't any sentient life on the entire planet.

351) I don't care if it works we do not kill hollows by jumping on there heads.

352) And no we are not having a race between Minato, Yoruichi and that blue rat.

353) The souls of the damned do not go to the 11th and 12th divisions and telling new academy students this is punishable by either Captain Zarakai or Captain Kurotsuchi

354) Ferrying souls to the Soul Society on the premise of "gurenteed division of your choice" is scamming and unlawful

354 a) This means you Urahara

355) Shiba explosives are no longer permitted to be used by unseated officers

355 a) Or seated for that matter

355 B ) This means you Captain Kuchki

355 c) We don't care how they looked at Rukia, detonating the entire east region is not the answer

356) All shinigami are now required to take verbal and cognative exams before entry to the human world in a gigai

356 a) Yes, this is referring to the "10 Way Gang War" incident

356 B ) Yachiru should not have been in New York anyways

357) In light of the "Ruldolph masacre" Vice Captain Abarai is now required to wear a wig while in the human world

357 a) He is also banned from Christmas visits

357 B ) And Christmas parties

358) I will not be called "Ice Cube," "Shortstop," "Snow Cone," or any referances to dwarves Captain Hitsugaya

359) Holiday songs are now banned from the Soul Society as Captain Zarakai does not take being sung "Jingle Bells" well

359 a) The SS Band is forbidden from playing "Sleigh Ride" as SOME PEOPLE seem to think that it's "Slay Ride"

360) Would someone please tell the guy in purple armor with a sword bigger than Zarakai's that we do not possess any fragments of Soul Edge?C.G. Yamamoto

360 a) HIS SWORD IS WHAT?Captain Zarakai

360 B ) ZARAKAI NO!! Crap! When all seated officers stop him from killing this guy, Zarakai is not allowed to wield Soul Edge. His zanpakto is scary enough as it is, it doesn't need to be demonic.

360c). Too late...

361) GIVE ME YOUR SOULS!! – Zaraki

362) Cheyenne Mountain is off limits.

363) If anyone spots a smiling, white-faced man in a purple tuxedo, evacuate the realm immediately , because what we have dreaded most has, indeed, come to pass

364) Do not attempt to bring in anyone from Free Country USA, no matter how many times they appear to die. The last time we did that, Kenpachi had to be locked in the Fun Box for 3 days.

365) Ignore the imp in the stupid hat. He'll be gone in 90 days.

366) No, Zarakai, you can't beat Doomsday. If Superman couldn't do it, you can't. And HE IS NOT A MUTATED HOLLOW!

367) No, General Yamamoto, cameras do NOT suck your soul out. That's our job. Urahara

368) Members of the 10th division are reminded that frozen people are to be shipped to either the 4th or 12th divison for healing not used as coat racks

368 a) Or sake holders!

369) If you see somebody going by the name Gig run the hell away

370) As most people seem to have forgotten Shinigami are forbidden sexual relations under law. Punishable by death.

370a) Why do you think I quit an ran off - Isshin.

370b) And why do you think I'm lunching a civil war. - Aizen.

371) WHAT?? NO SEX? - Jiraiya

371a) That's it! I'm joining Azien.

372) I suppose this is a bad time to mention it is illegal for Shinigami to drink alcoholic beverages during daylight hours.

373) Shunsui and Jiraiya dies (again)

374.) Hey, Yamato has booze in his office...

374a.) Damn, full bar...

374b.) I really don't think the budget was supposed to include strippers either

374c) I paid for that entertainment out of my own pocket and I don't drink until the sun has set. - C. G. Yamato.

374d) And stay out of my office.

375) Come join the winning side. We have free buffet. And what you do off duty is you're own business. - This rule was paid for by the Aizen for god society.

376) You really want to try to tell Unohana-taicho she can't have her Ichigo nookie?

377) Rule 370 has been repealed after the mysterious death of all of Central 46. Again.

378) If anyone sees a young boy, 10-13 years old, with a blue arrow tattooed on his head, followed by a huge 6-legged Bison, a winged long-eared lemur, and several people with elemental abilities, escort them to the gates leading to the other soul realms. The last thing we need are those people running around and causing havoc.

378a) Yeah, we already have Zaraki. - Ichigo

378b) I heard that, Berry-chan. Care to say it to my face, boy? - Zaraki

378c) Anytime, Bell-boy. - Ichigo

378d) Now boys, there's plenty of other things you can do with all that ... stamina... - Retsu

378e) ... Did you know she had a new tattoo? - Ichigo

378f) ... No. No, I did not. Did you know she had a piercing? - Zaraki

378g) ... No, but I wasn't exactly looking at her nose... - Ichigo

379) By order of all the captains and lieutenants no ranking shingami may be nominated to serve in the central 46, no matter how hard press we are to find souls to do it. Their job is more dangerous then ours.

379a) If only because they are a bunch of morons who shouldn't be allowed to tie their own belts, let alone make decisions and rulings for Soul Society!

380) Please note that despite rumours to the contrary you cannot gain a massive power boast by close proximity to Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki.

380a) See rule 22.

381) As of this moment I am saddened to confirm the rumours that have been sweeping Soul Society for the past few months. Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitute Shinigami. Has passed beyond the grasp of the SWA. As of 00:00 hours this morning he has officially joined a small sect of monks and took Vows of both Chastity and Pacifism. - Hisagi Shuhei Lieutenant 9th division, Acting head of the Seireitei News Network

381a). We are saddened to report the near annihilation of a small sect of monks. Unknown parties were responsible.

381b) And it wasn't Ken-chan! I beat him to it.

381c) Wrong sect.

381d) Vows of Chastity and Pacifism only last until death. Fortunately, no such organization in the Soul Society exists that has those same vows. Sorry Ichigo, but even my betrayal wouldn't be enough to keep the SWA away from me without you to distract them. This Loop-hole is brought to you by Former Captain Aizen.

381e.) On account of the now flash-frozen Kenpachi, any attempts on monestaries is now outlawed.

381f.) Seriously, some monks are scarier than his entire division.

381g) But I'm still alive, even if I'm a Shinigami at the same time! So, the Loophole doesn't work! - Ichigo.

381h). Enough of these loophole/logic arguments! By Royal Decree, Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo is to report for duty at First Division headquarters at 1000 hours tomorrow! - King of Soul Society

382) Ok who opened the spirit gate and let the other afterlife's in?

382a) We need to round them up and send them back now.

382b) I don't care if Kenpachi is sponsoring him for captaincy send Kamina back.

383.) From henceforth, no longer shall any and God of Death enter the human world to "steal away for a little while", a world known psychopathic murder, or otherwise any other mortal.

383a.) Whoever thought it would be fun to abduct "Griffith". You aren't laughing now are you!?

383b.) Including the abduction of "Deedlit". We still don't know how the human did it.

383c.) Damnit Kenpachi, who the hell told you it was okay to bring up the half-demon Inuyasha!? Damnit we're still cleaning up! –Renji

384) Please note we are not allowed to promised preferential treatment in the Soul Society to mortals to get our way.

384a) This includes threatening to send Mangaka to hell if they don't pair Character X and Y together.

384b) And threatening television executives to get show's back on the air.

384c) I don't care how much you enjoyed this "Justice League" You will not abuse you're powers for such trivialities Unohana. - C.G. Yamamoto.

385) The TFF Division is still subject to the list while in their mortal bodies, it is wrong to imply otherwise.

385a) 'Talking to yourself' in a place they 'happened to overhear' is not a viable excuse Urahara.

386) Gun Kata users are not to be taken because they'd offer a challenge.