My hands are tied
The billions shift from side to side
And the wars go on with brainwashed pride
For the love of God and our human rights
And all these things are swept aside
By bloody hands time can't deny
And are washed away by your genocide
And history hides the lies of our civil wars

-Civil Wars, Guns N' Roses

I Want a New Drug

Ma can be a real mother bear when she wants to be. She couldn't understand why I was being suspended when I was obviously the 'victim', and didn't go out of her way to hide her thoughts on the matter. Even when the principal tried explaining to her that fighting was against the school policy, regardless of who started it, she was adamant that 'her son' shouldn't be punished for being picked on. The principal gave me a week of detention instead.

"I never knew you could be so...convincing." I admit to her on our way home. I have to say that while it was slightly embarrassing to have your mother come to the school to chew the principal out, it was all worth it to hearing Principal Hobbs stutter nervously.

"Well, I am a social worker." She reminds me, obviously pleased with the compliment. "Besides, I have to deal with enough adults mistreating children at work, and I won't have that know-it-all getting the wrong impression of my son." She says this so proudly that I can't help but smile. My smile fades quickly though when I think that maybe the principal's impression wasn't so wrong. I may not have started the fight, but I still wasn't completely innocent.

"Hey Ma..." I start when our house is in view, "You think that when you call Angel to tell him not to pick me up, that you could maybe not mention this?" She lets out a genuine laugh and touches my cheek affectionately.

"Oh baby, there's no way your brothers are not going to notice your swollen lip and nose." She answers playfully. I hang my head in hands. Shit, I didn't even think of that.

"Well, just don't say anything okay? I'll...I'll tell em'...that I...that I got hurt in P.E." I say, snapping my fingers at my quickly made excuse. I guess some things about foster care come in handy. She pulls into the driveway and turns off the engine.

"Jack...I'm not going to lie to your brothers. And neither are you." She tells me seriously, but with an undertone of amusement. I groan with annoyance. What's up with this family and honesty? It's not like Bobby, Jerry, and Angel never lie about anything.

"But Ma...you know how they'll react. You know how they are." I whine. She brushes my hair out of my eyes patiently.

"Oh yes, I know how they are. And I know how they'll react. They're my sons after all, and your big brothers." She agrees, getting out of the car. I follow her into the house, glad that no one's home yet.

"Angel will be home at four." She reminds me, heading into the kitchen. Even though she doesn't say it, I know what her meaning is. I have until then to think of a convincing reason why they shouldn't beat the shit out of Roger Clemons.

---

As soon as Angel's car pulls up in the driveway, I dash up to my room, ignoring Ma's laughter.

"I'm glad she finds this so amusing." I say bitterly, though I'm not really angry at her. I'm too busy trying to stay hidden from Angel. I really don't want to be thought of as the kid who gets his big brothers to solve all his problems for him. Even though my brothers have told me time and time again to let them know if I have a problem.

I hear Angel and Ma talking downstairs, though I'm not sure what they're saying. I can tell by their easy-going voices that it doesn't have to do with the fight at school though. I guess Ma's leaving it up to me to explain.

I run to my bedroom door and lock it when I hear Angel's footsteps coming up the stairs. For a fleeting second I think that he decided to go to his room and leave me alone. Then he knocks on my door and I remember that I'm not that lucky.

"Jack, what the fuck? Open the door man, I wanna talk to you." Angel says, jiggling the door knob. No one ever locks doors in this house.

"Uh, Angel I'm a little busy." I answer frantically, then I curse myself for sounding so nervous. If that doesn't raise his suspicions then I don't know what will.

"Really? Too bad. Open the door now." He demands.

"Angel really, I'm uh...doing homework." I state. So much for a good excuse, I think. Angel twists the knob more roughly.

"Jack Mercer, you better not be doing what I think you're doing." He warns, implying all kinds of consequences.

"What do you think-" I'm starting to ask when he cuts me off.

"If you're smoking pot or doing dope, I swear on my life kid, you'll be hurting for a month!" He threatens. I shake my vehemently, then remember he can't see me.

"Angel, I'm not doing drugs!" I protest, knowing the only way he'll believe me is if I open the door.

"Uh huh, and I know that because...?" Yep, I knew it. I step towards the door cautiously like it might attack me, and get ready for the shit to hit the fan.

"Angel, I'll open the door alright? But, you have to promise you won't get mad first." I tell him, knowing good well that his promise will mean little to nothing.

"You are doing drugs, aren't you?" He accuses. I sigh deeply.

"No Angel. Please just promise me." I beg. It's silent on the other side for a moment or two, and I think that maybe he left, but then he sighs back and promises he won't he get mad. I unlock the door and open it slowly, watching as Angel's eyes dart around the room behind me, then rest on my face when nothing in the room is worth being angry about.

"What the hell happened to your face?" He almost yells, his eyes growing wide. I knew this was a bad idea.

"Jack, answer me." He demands, grabbing my chin to get a closer look. I jerk away hastily.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." I answer, stepping out into the hallway.

"Nothing my ass! Who did this to you? This is why Ma picked you up from school, wasn't it? Jack, tell me who. did. this. to. you." He demands with mounting frustration. I try to walk past him to go downstairs, but he blocks my way.

"It doesn't matter Angel." I answer tiredly. "Let me by."

"Like hell it doesn't matter! Ma!" Angel calls, walking past me. He sounds like a little kid, I think with amusement. I follow him into the kitchen where Ma is washing dishes, and I give her an exasperated look.

"Ma, what happened to Jack? He won't tell me." He whines like a child. Ma laughs and places the dish towel down on the counter.

"I told you, you wouldn't be able to keep it from them." She says to me. "Jack had a little run in with a kid at school." She says to Angel.

"Yeah, I figured that much! Who is it though? I know you know, Ma." He answers, raising his voice. Ma simply goes to the pantry to take out what she's making for dinner.

"Lower you voice Angel. We're all in the same room." She admonishes lightly. Angel throws his arms up in anger.

"Ma, will you please tell me who did this to my little brother?" He asks more quietly. Ma looks from me to Angel, and then to the front door as Bobby and Jerry come barging in, arguing.

"Finally!" Angel says happily. "Some back up!"

---

"Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?" Bobby yells rhetorically. After almost an hour of three against one, and Ma as an on looker, my brothers finally got the whole story out of me. Of course, I left out most of the things that Roger said to me, hoping that would keep my brothers tempers in check. Apparently, that didn't work.

"Bobby, language." Ma says sternly, getting up from the couch to check on dinner. Bobby is pacing the living room, and Jerry and Angel are sitting on chairs across me. I shrink under their scrutinizing glare.

"I can't believe you got in trouble for that shit." Jerry states angrily.

"I can't believe someone would have the nerve...to mess with a fucking twelve year old kid." Bobby seconds sharply. I can almost feel his blood boil.

"Where does this kid live? This Roger Clemons kid?" Jerry questions me. I shrug truthfully. How would I know?

"I can't believe this kid is still in middle school. Musta' failed-" Angel starts to say, but once again Bobby cuts him off with his ranting.

"Who gives a fuck why he's still in middle school?! I'm with Jerry, I wanna know where this little shit lives!" Bobby barks furiously. I shift uncomfortably on the couch, wishing Ma would come back in. They tend to act more calmly around her.

"You guys...don't do anything alright? I mean, I'm fine. Besides you can't just show up at his house. That's illegal." I plead, hating how timid and scared I sound. Hell, I am kind of scared when my brothers get like this. Especially Bobby. I'd rather face a starving lion than Bobby when he's angry.

"Of course we're going to do something. 'Sides it aint like we haven't done anything illegal before." Bobby counters, almost to himself.

"You know Marco might know where he lives. Marc used to sell...well, they used to hang together." Angel says suddenly. I inwardly groan.

"Right, they did, back in sixth grade. Call him up and ask where the jackass lives." Jerry orders, sending Angel off to call this Marco guy.

"Bobby please-" I start to beg, but Bobby holds up his hand.

"Nobody touches one of my brothers and lives to tell about it. Nobody."

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