AN:
If you thought everything was going to be happy... sorry? I can't help it, I live for the angst. Sorry but here's your warning.
"Oh, fuck!"
"Mike—ah! Mike!"
They were on the D&D table and the whole thing was rocking as Mike bent over her, her legs over his shoulders as he grunted and fucked her hard. It was a rare moment they didn't have to hurry or hide, since the house was empty. His parents were at Holly's ballet recital and he'd invited her over, citing it would be quiet. And it was. Sort of.
"Fuck, Mike, harder!"
The basement filled with the sound of skin slapping skin and heavy panting as they moved even faster, her legs opening wider as she urged him on, eyes wide as he pumped in and out of her. Her nails were digging into his back and she threw her head back as he leaned down and tucked his face into the crook of her neck, gasping.
"I can't—" he groaned, "I'm gonna—"
"Not yet," it was a demand. "I'm close."
She shoved him up off of her, digging her nails into his lower back and wrapping her legs around his waist, pulling him in even deeper.
"Oh, shit, fuck," he sounded strained, his hips moving impossibly fast. "El, please."
Her back arched up and she ripped into his back with her nails as she cried out, her entire body convulsing. She tightened around him like she always did, so impossibly tight, and he groaned, unable to hold it any longer.
"Now, Mike," she gasped.
He didn't hold back, slamming his hips into her one last time as he exploded, his head falling against her chest as he collapsed onto her, shuddering at the intense pleasure that shot through him. She always made him feel so good.
They stayed like that for a moment and she wrapped her arms around his neck, eyes meeting his and softening. His lips brushed hers and then they kissed sweetly, like they used to, hands gripping tightly as the emotion they were no longer allowed to mention filled the space around them.
She pulled her head back, ending the moment and he gasped for breath, groaning and pulling out of her. He plopped into one of the chairs around the table, giving her an appreciative look as he caught his breath.
"I don't think I've cum that hard in my life," he grinned.
She sat up slowly and crossed her legs, totally comfortable despite being naked, tilting her head towards him. It had been three weeks since the D&D campaign and they'd been meeting almost every day to screw in bathrooms or in the back of his car or on blankets in the woods, always careful not to get caught. She was starting to feel sore all the time but she wasn't about to complain.
"You say that every time." She inspected one of her fingernails casually.
"Because it's that good every time," he said smugly.
"Mmhm. I'm sure you're not just saying that."
She got up and crossed the room towards their clothes which were on the floor by the door. He had barely let her make it into the house, jumping her the second she walked inside and damn near ripping her skirt and polo shirt off. She hadn't seemed to mind, stripping down as he grabbed her waist and pulled her to the table, bending her over it and pushing into her before they'd even said "hello". And that had just been the first round.
Now he followed her, not letting her bend down and redress, grabbing her from behind tightly and pulling her bare form to his naked body.
"You know me, El. I don't just say things."
"You might to get into my pants," she sighed and leaned back against him. "I mean not that you've really had to… I suck at staying away from you."
"Aww, come on. Don't be like that. You know I—"
The words almost slipped out and he choked on them, coughing to try and hide his bumble.
You know I love you.
She tensed in his arms and he let her go, hoping she wouldn't try and say anything about his near mistake. He was supposed to be letting her go, so she would be free when he left in a month. But here he was again, holding her after they'd just had sex. Twice.
"Mike?"
"Yeah?"
"I… should we—"
Knock knock.
They both froze, turning towards the basement door which was thankfully locked, eyes huge.
"Mike? Are you down here?" It was Dustin's voice. "Hey, we were going to watch a movie at Lucas's but his dad is using the TV."
"Let us in, Wheeler," Lucas joined in.
El looked at Mike with wide eyes and he grabbed his jeans, pulling them on in record time as she gathered the rest of their clothes and bolted for the bathroom, leaving it open a crack and hiding. If there was one thing that couldn't happen, it was anyone finding out about their… illicit behavior. Their fuck buddy status was definitely a secret because they knew their friends would just give them shit. Not to mention what their parents would say...
He realized she'd taken his shirt when she'd run to hide, but didn't really have a better option and so he went over, opening the door reluctantly. His friends barged in, giving him a weird look.
"Why are you shirtless?" Lucas asked.
"Uh, I got a stain on my shirt and came down to throw it in the laundry," he quickly lied, deflecting their attention. "You're lucky I was even down here at all."
"Oh, whatever. You're always down here. I don't know why you don't just move your bed down here."
It would be a lot more comfortable to fuck El on instead of that table, he mused and then immediately mentally punched himself in the face. Irrelevant.
"Ha, maybe I should. Anyways you said you wanted to watch a movie?"
"Close Encounters of the Third Kind," Dustin grinned.
"Again?"
"It's a classic!"
"It's only ten years old."
"So?"
Mike rolled his eyes, deciding it wasn't worth the argument. They were standing by the D&D table, talking to him and he glanced down, feeling his eyes widen. Her panties were still on the floor, ripped to shreds, and he immediately looked up, hoping they wouldn't look down.
Shit fuck shit.
"So, uh, the TV is upstairs. If you want to go up and put the movie in," he spluttered.
"Aren't you coming too?"
"Yeah, uh, I just have to finish the… laundry."
And sneak El out of my bathroom, he sighed to himself. So much for peace and quiet.
He had kind of hoped they would be able to bang at least three times since they had several hours and the house to themselves… but that wasn't an option now.
"Wow, Mike. When did you get so domestic? Is this what breaking up with El has brought you too?" Lucas ragged on him.
For some reason Lucas was the most vocal about it. Dustin seemed to understand things were going to work out, and Will had to stay neutral, but hardly a day went past when Lucas wasn't giving him shit for breaking up with her. Why did he even care so much?
"Can we not do this today?" he groaned.
"What, remind you of what an idiot you are for breaking up with the literal girl of your dreams because you're insecure about some distance?"
"It's not just some distance, Lucas. It's super fucking far away," he crossed his arms. "I'm not going to be some ball and chain that holds her back. That's selfish."
"And breaking her heart because of your stupidass ideas isn't?"
"God, Lucas, just shut up!"
He didn't have a good comeback because he knew his friend was right but he was in too much denial to admit it. Instead he bristled, feeling the anger rise up in his chest as Lucas scowled at him.
"What fucking ever, Mike. If you want to keep pretending that you don't totally love her, that's on you."
The anger and annoyance bubbled out of him. Why didn't anyone even try and understand that he was doing the right thing? It was his fucking choice. He picked words, ones he knew would knock Lucas speechless and let them fall across his tongue like bitter vomit.
"I don't love her!" He shouted, just wanting Lucas to shut up. "I never loved her! She was just… she was nothing, okay? It was a childhood infatuation that I should have ended years ago. She was a good fuck but it's over now and if you could fucking understand that and leave me the fuck alone that would be great!"
It was quiet, his chest heaving after his outburst, Lucas speechless and Dustin staring at him with wide eyes.
"Jesus, Mike. That was cold, even for you." He shook his curl-covered head like he was disappointed. "Don't let Will catch you saying that shit, he'll rip you a new one for talking about his sister that way."
"I—"
Mike blinked, suddenly feeling like shit. Lucas was looking at him suspiciously, but then shrugged and turned, heading for the stairs.
"Alright, fine. But don't say I never told you you were wrong."
There was an awkward pause and then Dustin gave Mike a half hearted shoulder punch and followed their friend up the stairs. Mike stared after them blankly, guilt creeping up his throat and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He hadn't meant it, not a single word, but he felt terrible for even saying it. Everything had been a lie and he wouldn't have said it if Lucas hadn't kept badgering him.
There was a flurry from the bathroom and he felt his heart freeze as he remembered she was still there. He turned and the door opened and she came out, staring down at the floor, fully dressed. Her nose was red and her cheeks were wet and he felt his heart drop to the floor.
She heard me, all of the oxygen left his lungs. Of course she did, you practically screamed it in Lucas's face.
"El—"
"No," she shook her head, cutting him off before he could explain. "You don't get to talk to me right now."
She was heading for the door but a sob left her throat before she made it and he crossed the floor, reaching for her.
"No, El, wait," his hands were on her waist, pulling her back. "I didn't mean it, I was lying. It was—"
"Let go of me!"
She struggled, flailing away from him and kicking and smacking, but he held on tighter, keeping his arms around her waist. Her fingernails ripped into his hands there and he grunted in pain but didn't let go. After a few more seconds she gave up fighting, breaking into sobs, her whole body shuddering as she cried in his arms, face in her hands. He held her firmly, feeling tears well up in his own eyes as he felt her heart shattering, her breath gasping.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled against her head, knowing she probably couldn't hear him through her tears. "I didn't mean it."
"Wh-Why d-did you s-s-say that?" she sobbed. "Why?"
"I was mad at him because he was right but I still shouldn't have been so stupid," he tried to explain. "It was just to shut him up, I didn't mean it, El."
She twisted around to look at him and he loosened his grip, biting his lip as he looked down at her. Her eyes stared into his and for a moment he felt a spark of hope, that she believed him. But then she shoved herself out of his arms and turned away again, clutching herself tightly, like she was trying to hold herself together.
"You really think I'm just a good fuck?" Her voice was thick with tears. "Is that really all I've ever been to you? Something to shove your dick into when you feel like it?"
"No!" His hand reached for her but she slapped it away. "I mean, I obviously enjoy it but it's not—"
"I've been so stupid," her eyes glazed over. "I really thought you loved me. I was stupid enough to believe it. I thought after Papa…" she flinched at the mention of her old captor. "I was stupid to think I could ever really know what love was."
Her words sent icy shards into his heart as she compared him to the piece of shit who had kept her in captivity for so long. No… they were nothing alike. Mike was doing what was best for her. He knew that. Right?
"El, please, I was lying. I didn't mean a single word of it. You have to believe me," he begged.
"No, I…" she took a step back, towards the door, shaking her head. "I don't know if I can believe anything you say anymore."
He'd broken her heart several times by now, but now he felt his own splintering into pieces. Tears were streaming from her eyes and he reached out again but she flinched away and he saw it in her eyes.
She was afraid of him. It was the same fear he'd first seen in her eyes when she'd held up fingers in a gun to his forehead. The fear that had gripped her behind the closed closet door. The fear when Papa had held her in the hallway and she'd been too weak but she'd turned and called his name anyways, wanting Mike. When she'd whispered she was the monster and he had told her she was wrong.
He was the monster now.
"El—"
"I can't do this anymore." She reached for the door handle and pulled it open. "I'm done being your whore."
"No, El, please!"
He ran and grabbed her hand as she tried to walk out, fingers clammy and desperate. Her hand clenched into a fist and she ripped her wrist away from his grip. An invisible force shoved him and he flew back, through the air, landing on the couch with grunt as she turned and looked at him, eyes full of remorse and hurt.
"Goodbye, Mike."
The door shut behind her and she was gone, nothing but an empty space where she had once stood. His heart squeezed and he felt the tears come as he realized he had lost her again. Only she wasn't coming back this time. And this time it was his fault.
He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have let them become fuck buddies. He shouldn't have broken up with her.
He pounded his fist against his forehead in frustration, feeling anger rise up at himself as he finally let the truth of his stupid decision come to light.
He was afraid.
Hawkins had been his home his entire life, and even when shit happened and Will had gone missing, they'd still managed to make it right. El had returned to him and had still wanted him and everything had been so perfect for so long. He had taken it for granted and the second something new popped up, something different, he'd panicked.
MIT had always been his goal but after he'd made it he'd realized he wasn't sure if it was what he wanted anymore. Being so far away from his friends and his home and her had been terrifying. Letters and phone calls could only do so much, but in all the years they'd been together, he hadn't gone more than a week without seeing her. What would happen when he was away for months? After school got so busy he forgot to call and she felt lonely and someone else showed up at her door? Someone stronger, and cooler, and way more fun than he had ever been. How could she still choose someone who was absent?
So his brilliant decision had been to dump her. To separate himself from her before she could hurt him and break his heart. But instead he'd broken her heart and he wanted to punch himself in the face for being so selfish. Her chilling words came back to him.
"I thought after Papa… I was stupid to think I could ever really know what love is."
She meant they were the same. That they both had tried to do what they thought was best for her in the name of "love". Only his had been based in fear and not the need control, he really did love her. But he'd done a shit job of showing her that.
He realized he was crying and wiped his nose angrily, pissed at himself for being such a fucking an idiot. Lucas was right about everything. Why couldn't he have just admitted it?
Now it was too late. She was gone. There was no way he could convince her he had been lying. That he did care.
That he loved her
He had tried to pretend he didn't anymore, that he just wanted to be her friend now. But in the end he had been kidding himself. He loved her, he always had. From the moment he saw her in the rain he had known she was going to change things, even if he hadn't expected it to be such a colossal life change. When she vanished his whole life had turned gray and dark, like he had been living in a storm cloud. She was sunshine, the light that lit up his life, and he'd tried to pretend otherwise
He was shit at pretending.
And now she was gone. She'd shut the door and told him she didn't trust him anymore. There was no way he could convince her he'd been wrong… was there?
He wiped another tear from his face and walked over to the laundry basket, pulling out a clean shirt and then swiping her shredded underwear off the floor. He looked down at them and sighed before throwing them into the garbage. That part of his mistake was done. He was done letting her think he only wanted her for sex. Because he realized, as much as he loved and missed having sex with her, he missed the rest of it more.
Cuddling and watching movies on the couch at her place. Sharing a milkshake—strawberry of course—at their favorite diner and talking about life. Making her Eggos when she was sick or sad and watching her face light up. Kissing her cheek and feeling her snuggle into him, like he was the best thing in the world.
He missed her. And he was done pretending like he didn't want her in his life anymore.
He wanted her back, he wanted her to know what he meant to her, what she had meant to him all along. How much he loved her. She deserved to know after stooping so low to please him even though it had been hurting her the whole time. After all the years he still knew he didn't deserve her, and this stupid decision only proved that. He didn't deserve to even look at her… but he had to try and tell her he was sorry.
There were footsteps above him and then the door cracked open and Dustin's voice came down the stairs.
"Mike? Are you coming?"
"Yeah, um," he wiped his face again, trying to hide that he'd been crying. "I'll be up a in minute."
"We're starting it now. Oh, and I made the last bag of popcorn if you want to tell your mom."
"Sure, Dustin."
"Hurry up!"
The door shut again and he sighed, not really wanting to go upstairs. He wanted to chase after her, but he knew right now she wouldn't listen to him. It would be better to let her cool off and maybe she would even realize he hadn't been serious about what he'd said?
He grimaced. Unlikely. He needed to think of a plan, of some grand gesture to convince her had been lying. That he did love her. That he wanted her back.
Biting his lip he looked once more towards the closed door and then sighed heavily as he headed up the stairs.
AN:
I think this story will have two more chapters? An even six. But I'm terrible at estimating how many chapters I'll need so that's just an estimate for now. Next chapter won't contain smut if that's all your here for. Hopefully it'll wrap up soon.
Sorry again for the angst. Mike can be an idiot sometimes.
Let me know how you feel!
~Wyn
