For disclaimer see the introduction from the prologue.
Again, thanks for still sticking along and to those who put the story on their story alert list!
This update took a bit longer ... well just look at the length and you know why. But the last days and weeks had been some kind of busy for me and held some unpleasant surprises.
I'm just happy that now the waters more or less soothed and I'm finally able to update.
To the length of this chapter, well what can I say? Huh, I just got carried away a bit by my imagination and the words and ideas kept flowing so well I couldn't bring myself to split it up into single pieces*g*. In addition, I think this chapter is even the one I prefer the most.
The whole chapter is written in italics and in second person pronoun. If you can remember the introduction from the prologue, that means its a dream and/or memory scenario.
But now enough of my rambling, just check it out. I hope you enjoy reading ;)
~ Chapter III ~
I hear silent whisper,
And I know you're a ghost.
I watch your shadow linger,
And I feel your ghost.
How long, how far,
Do I need to go?
Before your splinter heart,
Opens up,
And takes my soul.
My soul …
It's one of the most intense feelings, to which we are susceptible: The irresistible attraction between two people who meet for the very first time. This first impression has a stunning interplay of many details. Facial expressions, odour, body language, postures, smiles, hands, eyes, the first words …
Following maybe just a moment later, by the most indescribable feeling of happiness that reaches, and overwhelms one's very soul, hitting you like a tidal wave, driving you insane, this is just the start of countless surprising reactions from your own body.
Your heart begins to beat faster. You can hear it's echo pulsing in your ears. You can feel your own body heat rise as your blood is pumped through your vessels at the greatest speed. You feel the temperature around you rising. You feel your cheeks starting to burn treacherously. You feel a strange lump building in your throat, making it dry and raspy in it's progress. You feel your senses sharpening. You feel your nerves becoming more sensitive.
So then you ask yourself the unavoidable question, if the other person felt the same or if it's only your own body and mind seemingly losing control, playing a trick on you.
An almost magical match with a complete stranger! Can that be? There is always this nagging question: What is it that we feel? Can this really be love?
You always thought that love comes not from any instant off-chance meeting, but that it instead has to grow slowly, very slowly. In the coexistence through life lived, and common everyday experience.
What you definitely know, is that the term "slowly" doesn't exist in the vocabulary of couples. Things just can't go fast enough, you're well aware of it. You had to learn that lesson painfully on your own and were hurt badly, your heart broken and shattered to pieces.
But there are many happy couples who fell in love "at first sight" , you know some yourself, who prove that this beautiful mixture created in seconds of common well-being, sexual attraction and curiosity can be the basis for a real and eternal love. This love must have been present to some extent at the beginning, they say.
What you had to admit, though, was that you did believe in spiritual kinship yourself, without being religious that is. You believed that there could be a person with whom you have a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality or compatibility. You once heard about a related concept, named the twin soul or twin flame, which is considered to be the ultimate soul mate, the one and only other half of your soul. However, you didn't put that much mystical connotations to it.
You had enough life experience to know that some relationships are short lived, and that friends and lovers come and go. You are all too aware that deep emotional and everlasting bonds were rare these days.
Affinity presents itself in many ways, from a beautiful and deep friendship, to an enduring life-long partnership. Not daily contact, but the "closeness" feeling is what makes deep friendships or relationships. This special feeling like you have just met and no time had elapsed since then, even though years had gone by.
But the idea of someone, touching you so deeply, capturing your heart in less than an instant without ever letting you go really fascinated you . It intrigued you enough to believe in this rare kind of fairytale.
To be of one mind. To be in unison. To go through thick and thin with each other, experiencing all the highs and lows together. Not many words needed, in soul balance and pure harmony. Walking the path together, to grow, to learn and above all, to love.
You know it sounded ridiculous, unrealistic and magical, even foolish, you admit.
But you believed in it, even dreamed a little of it. So who said that fairytales or dreams could not come true once in a while?
You swallowed the heavy lump blocking your throat, taking one deep breath, not wanting to release it. Further chewing relentlessly on this toothpick between your teeth just to calm your nerves. A silly act, you knew. But you did that since you're a little girl and somehow it always did the trick for you. This place just made you feel oppressive. You didn't like hospitals. You didn't want to be here. Above all you didn't want to go in. Truth be told, it took a heated debate with your mother together with a very serious meant threat from her to call you in sick and disqualify you at the police department.
The spoken words repeated itself in your head, her determined voice echoing through your mind …
"Go to the hospital and see a physician at least! You should have done that right after the struggle anyway! But you damn stubborn kid had to act brave and continued working as if nothing had happened! You even rejected the kind paramedic at the scene! Everyone knew you were injured, everybody knew you were in pain! We could all see it in your eyes! The only one not accepting it was you! I was worried sick about you, sweety. Knowing you were involved. When Bill called me … for a moment I thought … I'd lost you …".
When you looked into her eyes then, two stubborn women facing each other, standing their grounds, you had to admit that her sudden surge of emotions was heart wrenching. You had never seen her that sick worried and enraged at the same time before.
"So please, for my sake, get yourself checked out. Or I have to take drastic actions.".
You didn't dare ask what exactly "drastic actions" she meant, you knew the answer all too well.
She did spell it out though. Just to make sure you got the message.
"I can call the deputy, tell him you're not capable to work due to your involvement during the raid. I can convince him in taking you off work. And you know I can and will do it if you force me to, for your own good.".
Who would deny the instruction of the captain, she asked in a confident, self assured manner.
The answer was simple, though: Nobody, of course. Not even her own daughter.
You conceded that there was nothing more to be said. She had won this argument.
There were no more words spoken. Her more or less emotional outburst had choked every superfluous response you had on your lips. The truth of the matter was that her words and concern had overwhelmed you, touched your heart deeply. You had never witnessed the so called untouchable, smug and formidable Captain losing her guard, dropping her well-protected professional mask like that. But back then she had clearly showed her fear, her worry, her emotions that had tormented her.
One day you would have to out-rank her just to get your inner peace. Right now you were Lieutenant and on a good way to further climb up the career ladder.
You sighed.
Did you really had to go in?
Nervously shifting from one foot to another you answered that question on your own.
Of course you had to. Only remember the captains threat?
You cursed audibly through gritted teeth. But again, you would have never won the argument anyway. Not even without the tormenting headache pressing against your skull or the piercing pain in your chest weakening you. The harsh words alone and your complaining ribs won over your wounded pride, making the decision damn easy.
You knew too well that she was only worried about you. She was your mother after all, not only the smug bad-ass kicking super cop of Las Vegas she made everybody believe. You could only imagine what she had to go through when she received the message from your leading Sergeant. Cut her some credit.
You would have never considered going to the hospital on your own in the first place. But honestly, you wanted to have certainty on your own.
Before you finally took the steps through the entrance of Desert Palm Hospital in Las Vegas, you released the long forgotten breath, sighing deeply after you spat out the toothpick your mouth was franticly playing with while debating with yourself.
You put your hands in both pockets of your suit trousers and slowly, reluctantly strolled into the modern and epic looking building. Making sure your already stiff movements didn't give you any more pains and didn't appear too obvious.
Immediately after passing through the entrance, that typical clinical "hospital smell" reached your nostrils and you're automatically captured by the busy atmosphere, although the facility is not the reason you have these feelings. It's your own stupid mind. Who would have thought you were such a coward when it came to hospital visits? During your job, when you weren't the one involved, it was totally fine with you. But if the tables were turned, well …
When you're in the middle of the reception area you glance around, suddenly all too aware of the surroundings. You could remember the day when you and your former colleagues had practically stormed in here, in sheer worry of one of your own who had been kidnapped and left to die in Nevada's desert by the lunatic serial killer Natalie Davis. Nothing had changed so far, although the ordeal had happily ended well, at least.
You pull yourself out of your memories when you're standing at the reception counter, facing a corpulent woman, some five feet four inches, maybe in her mid-fifties, in dark-purple scrubs, wearing a white long sleeved shirt underneath. She had brown eyes and wore spectacles. She addressed you with a kindly voice that had been softened by years of work experience.
"Good afternoon. Welcome to Desert Palms. What can I do for you?"
"Hello, I'm Lieutenant Curtis, LVPD.". It couldn't hurt to mention your police rank, could it? "I was involved in … some kind of struggle during work today. Nothing serious, but I wanted to get myself checked up.". Unfortunately your words were a little bit too nonchalant and blatant for the other womans' liking.
The nurse, the nameplate on her right chest identified her as Martha Banett, eyed you suspiciously over the edge of her glasses for a split of a second, a cynical response on her lips which she left unspoken nevertheless.
They would assess the extent of your injuries. Not the other way around …
But then her expression changed, something seemingly clicking in her mind, she smiled sympathetically at you and turned to the computer in front of her.
Instinctively you knew at that exact moment, that she realized what kind of "struggle" you meant. Of course, she understood the euphemism. The successful raid was all over the news today. You had heard about it yourself countless times on the radio and you were sure, the t.v. channels were reporting about it endlessly as well. On your way here you had even turned off your cars radio in disgust, not wanting to be reminded of the events any further. It seemed that the media had nothing else to report about, and tomorrow it would be all over the newspapers. They were hungry for the information like starving, greedy sharks. If only for today, the LVPD was much vaunted and overhyped. Something you couldn't expect on a daily basis. Yeah, there were times when the media seemingly worked against the police force, ripping it openly apart without mercy. You had cursed them on many occasions.
Anyway, everybody would get the connection. Certainly nurse Banett assumed you were part of the police raid due to your lame explanation.
"Can you please give me your insurance policy number, Miss Curtis?".
There you had it, she totally ignored your position. Which in return frustrated you even more.
You sighed, audibly enough for her to hear, annoyingly, you could swear that just for a split second you saw a mischievous grin flash over her face.
Wonderful. Just wonderful. This could be a very long day …
~ o ~
When you were asked to sit down after you had done all the formalities and wait until your name was called, you carefully took a seat offside in the waiting area. Just as you did one year ago, the memories doing a trick on you, replaying itself in front of your eyes, very much against your wishes. You shook your head vigorously to return to reality.
In a steady mantra you bore in mind: Sara survived, she was fine and she was happy.
You let your gaze wander around, a note on the wall right beside the reception suddenly caught your eyes.
"Please note, that in the Emergency Room the order of treatment of patients is based on urgency and not necessarily in the order of arrival. Thank you for your understanding.".
You chuckled dryly.
Again you looked around, your eyes drifted through the busy waiting area and the countless persons sitting around you making one point suddenly very clear to you. You wouldn't get out of here any time soon. This could take much longer than assumed.
The annoying headache was fed by your still growing frustration.
Great. This day couldn't get any worse, could it?
Just when you finished that thought, as if someone from above laughed at you and wanted to prove you wrong, the doors of the Emergency Room burst open with screams of pain echoing through the hall accompanied by shouting from the medical staff. Once the group passed the doors, the typical hospital rush engulfed the whole waiting area. Two paramedics pushed a gurney into the corridor and were instantly accompanied by three nurses and a brunette female doctor, who caught your eyes unconsciously. In the brief second when they pushed the gurney past you, you got a short glimpse of a male teenager being strapped down on the stretcher, a bandaged but still bleeding gash visible on his forehead. He was further screaming out in sheer anguish, his eyes wide open, tears streaming down his swollen and reddish face, his neck braced by a c-spine collar, his whole body rearing and steadily jerking up against the straps like he just got in contact with electricity, but was stopped by the strong grip of two male paramedics and the leather strap clutched at his wrists, ankles and around his abdomen. Your ears picked up the words "bike accident", "broken ribs", " fractured ulna and radius", "dislocated shoulder", "possible hip fracture", "head trauma".
The whole scene sent a cold shiver down your spine. When they hurried by, you got a glimpse of the features of a woman in dark blue scrubs, your gaze stayed on her until your field of vision was blocked. Still in this short but hectic period of activity when paramedics and nurses shouted, she was the caesura. During the swift motion she looked like an angel in scrubs to you, giving calm orders while reassuring the patient. But when she was out of sight, you had to blink several times to free yourself from the strange magic spell.
As the group disappeared behind the doors of a treatment room, you leant back in your seat, wincing through gritted teeth as your spine made contact with the hard plastic chair with the back of your head resting against the cool wall. You simply ignored the pain due to the fact that you put pressure on a sore spot on your occiput. You shut your eyes to get your mind some rest, sighed heavily and slipped into some kind of half-sleep.
Without any profound medical knowledge you knew this could take a while and you inwardly cursed your mother.
Remember to shoot her next time you saw her.
~ o ~
After three long hours of waiting, which seemed like an eternity to you, another nurse in purple scrubs walked over to you. You quickly glance at her chest plate, Jessica Murray, then levelled your eyes with hers.
"Miss Curtis. Would you please follow me? I'm bringing you into our treatment room where Dr. Jenson will meet you for further examination.". You stand up hesitantly, seemingly every muscle of your body became stiff just from sitting and shifting in this damn chair for far too long, trailing behind her. She led you into a room away from the waiting area, holding the door open for you, pointing to a chair.
"Please have a seat. She will be with you shortly.".
"Thanks.". She nods with a smile and left then, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
They had to be kidding you. Further waiting after you already waited an eternity?
Well, fine. Patience was never one of your biggest strengths but you already waited that long, you would survive a few more minutes, right?
In this exact moment you inwardly clapped yourself on the shoulder. At one point of your waiting session you had decided to go for a coffee break. Beforehand you made sure you weren't one of the next patients to be treated and probably would have missed your call. The nurse had assured that you could make three of those breaks without being called. Well, that you did. Three large cups of disgusting hospital coffee and your caffeine level was back to normal, not to mention your temper!
Others would call that caffeine-addicted, even some of your family members did. But in your world it meant surviving a very long and hard day.
Your eyes darted around the treatment room. A desk with a black leather office armchair behind it was right in front of you. Rearward was an examination table, numerous cabinets and cupboards on either side of it, containing various medical accessories. The walls surprisingly not the usual white colour as expected, they were painted in light golden yellow. To your right was a window, illuminating the room with warm and bright sunlight. As you shut your eyes for only a short second to take a deep breath, the atmosphere caught you and suddenly things did not seem as bad at you as first thought.
Another 10 minutes passed in which you grow more and more relaxed, the nervousness and tension slowly faded from your system, until the door was opened swiftly and a beautiful, young brunette woman entered the room, wearing dark blue scrubs under a white coat. She was five feet and five inches tall, you guessed her in her late twenties, not more than mid thirties. She had tied her neat hazelnut brown hair back into a ponytail. A second later you recognized her to be the one who had been treating the young boy from earlier.
But there was something nagging at your senses. If you didn't know better you could swear … you had seen this unmistakable pair of ice-blue eyes before …
Thankfully you realized before her, that you were starring at her and pulled your eyes off her just in time. But your tension and nervousness appeared all over again. Not because of your bad habit, but strangely enough due to her.
She came into your personal space, reaching her right hand out to you.
"Hello and good evening, Lieutenant Curtis. I'm Dr. Jenson, trauma surgeon. First of all, I have to apologize you had to wait so long. There was an emergency and the guy had priority. Stupid idiot thought he could balance on a bridge railing with his bike until he lost his balance and fell on to a railway track below. Fortunately for him it was not at a busy period. Seems he had more luck than judgement. Had to take him to the O.R. But anyway, now I'm here for you .".
Even though you shook her offered hand in return, which sent a huge shiver down your spine and burned the skin on your right palm, your brain was more busy by checking her out than listening to her words. You caught yourself before she did, forced your attention back to her mouth … lips …
You were totally amazed and dumbfounded all at once. Remarkably she was the very first one in this hospital to address you with your rank. First bonus point for her. So you could be polite to her. No need to be bitchy. "That's fine, don't worry." you stammered.
After breaking this sparkling welcome she asked you to take your seat in the chair in front of the desk. She on her part sat down in her arm chair. Honestly, you had to clear your mind first after this … mysterious but very pleasant moment. Your whole body felt electrified. Especially the part of skin on your right hand she had touched just moments ago.
You asked yourself the question: What the hell was wrong with you? What had just happened? Was it only you, or had she felt that, too?
Apparently it did not seem that she had sensed the same as you. She seemed totally engulfed in her work. Or maybe she was just too damn good in covering up her own emotions. At least you convinced yourself that you could see her cheeks slightly blushing. Or did you just imagine it?
"Thank you for your understanding. So what can I do for you? Nurse Banett already told me you're a heroine of the day.". She joked to lighten up the tensed mood and gave you a beaming smile.
"Did she really say that?" you asked her amused and doubting, not quite ready to believe it. But you felt how your nerves further calmed down slowly and your tenseness seemingly decreased. All because of the woman sitting in front of you.
It was amazing and frightening at the same time what a changing influence she already had on you, how fast you went from one roller coaster to another by only being in her presence, how you were hit by countless tidal waves back to back sitting in front of her, looking in her eyes, getting a single touch, seeing her smile.
"Well, not her exact words. But similar. She referred to you to be some kind of a female John McClane or something like that. At least I got what she wanted to say. I mean, it's all over the news, then you come in here, introducing yourself as a police officer and tell about a struggle in which you got injured. Honestly, it doesn't take much to put two and two together. So what happened?".
There you had it again. Officer … you really had to start all over again.
So what the hell was that reference to one of the most popular roles from the actor Bruce Willis about? Honestly? You, a female John McClane? That was ridiculous!
You wondered if she really did hear about the raid or if she was only not mentioning it for unknown reasons.
She fixed you with her ice-blue eyes while she seemingly blindly wrote down on your patient chart. Not once did her eyes leave you, which made you feel awkward. But strangely not in a bad way, rather the opposite. You felt observed, cared, watched over. She was paying close attention to you. Huh, that was good, wasn't it?
"I'm working as a Lieutenant with the LVPD and we had a raid today. Everything went fine until we were ambushed and gang members started shooting at us. During the shoot-out I took a bullet.".
Her gaze stayed on you. She noticed the mindlessness way in which you talked about the happenings. Secretly she envied you for this ability, even though it slightly concerned her at the same time.
Most people would have freaked out in a situation like this, but for you it was daily business. Dodging bullets, getting into shootings, sometimes wrestling down rebelling suspects, taller and sturdier than you. Nothing unusal for you.
"You wore your bullet-proofed vest?".
"Yes, of course. It's protocol.".
She raised an eyebrow at you in suspicion. Yeah, and she was god and could heal every disease and injury by simply snapping with her fingers.
Rules are meant to be broken. Both of you knew, not every cop cared to follow protocol. To your shame you had to admit, you had ignored them too … more than once.
But she let the sarcastic reply on her lips slip, rather choosing to stay polite.
"Good. Where did it hit you?".
"Chest area.".
Again a frown in thoughts.
"Any breathing problems?".
"No.".
A brief sting while taking a breath every now and then didn't count as breathing problem. At least not for you.
For the first time she looked down as she further wrote down on your file.
"Okay. I have to ask you to take off your blouse. I would like to have a look myself and auscultate your lungs and heart.".
"Sure".
Your voice sounded strangely much steadier than you actually felt. But you did as asked, suddenly becoming very tense and shy all over again at the same time, another tidal wave hitting you. You rose from your seat in order to open the buttons of your light-blue blouse. You thanked yourself for being smart enough by putting on a blouse rather than a shirt to wear. Well aware of the fact that a shirt would have made things more complicated and painful. For some unknown reasons you didn't even care to turn around as you undressed your upper body, revealing a black bra and dropped your clothes on the back of your chair. What you noticed though is that she didn't look up while you stripped. To give you some sort of short privacy, you guessed. She had sensed you stiffening up.
"Do you feel any pain?".
Finally she looked up at you, for a second, you could have sworn you heard her gasping. If only under her breath, nearly silent. But you did hear her sharp intake of breath. Didn't you? Or did you just imagine that, too? But what about that slight alarmed expression in her eyes? Did you imagine that as well?
You were not to know that under different circumstances she would have lost herself in your beauty, she would have stared at you wantonly, would have mesmerized your body, your long blonde angelic hair, your face and your feminine curves.
You worked hard to stay fit and in shape, you admitted that. But honestly, you were more than proud of your flat stomach, your slight visible six-pack and strong biceps. The long runs and fitness sessions had paid off. Did that make you automatically arrogant, possibly even conceited? Like so many people around you always pointed out, obviously mocking you.
But she fixed you. She had fixed you, your body with her eyes for tiny seconds without any medical interest, you caught her at it. Staring at you.
You were blind to the fact that she admired not only your beauty. Her gaze was caught by the heavy aggressive looking bruises covering your skin, shining blue and dark purple in all their glory which concerned her deeply. Whatever expression you thought you saw from her, it was instantly replaced by pure professionalism.
She made a final note on the paper, putting the pen down afterwards. Then she stood up and walked over to you. Your breathing became erratic, and your heart skipped a beat as she stopped barely inches apart from you.
Just as you're about to deny any pain, she cuts you off, sensing your upcoming lie right away. You were just like all the other cops she had met during all those years. Predictable and proud. She pierced you with her eyes.
"And please cut the bullshit and just be honest.".
Wow, not only did the nurses know how to handle you, but this surgeon wasn't bad either. The hospital staff really had their experience. But that did not mean you had to play their game.
"Uhm … no, not badly.".
Her hands started to soothingly skate over your skin, beginning at your ribs on your right side. You tried to stand against her, tried to resist her. You tried desperately. But in the end you failed miserably, your brain told you one thing but your body had a mind of it's own, to betray your true feelings.
"Are you sure, officer?".
Argh, she did it again. Already she knew how to wind you up. You sensed that she said that on purpose.
"Yeah …".
Any further words died on your lips as she carefully but determinedly examined a heavy bruise that formed around your chest just under your right breast, making her point very clear as she softly pressed down on one spot on your ribcage that made you slightly wince through gritted teeth. You expected it to be painful, but you had never assumed this anguish. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly in surprise, trying to keep taking deep steady breaths while you clenched your jaws tightly together and intuitively your body retreated to get away from her touch.
Well, she had warned you. You played games. You weren't honest. Your fault.
But what surprised you more was the fact that she didn't let you out of her grip. Her hands reached up, tenderly holding your shoulders in a gentle manner. She was right back in your personal space, just inches apart from you, her gaze fixing you intensely.
"Miss Curtis, you don't have to prove anything to me. We're not at the PD or out in the field where you have to stand your ground or where your police rank is of any relevance. We're in a treatment room in hospital, on our own, which means you can show your emotions or weakness. I can clearly see and know you're in pain. The question is where exactly, and where it's more intense, so I can help you get rid of it and treat it's cause. So please give me a little bit of trust and be honest. I only want to help you. Come on, cut me some credit. I won't eat you alive, promise.".
There she did it again. Making only a slight joke just to get you out of your discomfort. Adding one of those cute reassuring winks of hers together with the most adorable smirk you have ever seen. You had to admit, it worked. She was handling you well. With every move, every single word or look she was giving you, each gesture and every one of those fatal genuine smiles as bright as possible reaching all the way up to her ears, she was able to ease not only your totally over-tensed and thrilled nerves, but your ridiculous mind as well. She didn't treat you with kid gloves, but she didn't take any bullshit from you either. She was straightforward and honest with you, which made you feel … at ease, cared for, secure.
You needed to take another deep breath, with the anguish and confusion still in your system, you try to compose yourself again. Her words echo in your mind … 'You don't have to prove anything. You can show your emotions and weakness.'.
"… shoulder and chest." you answered honestly but soundly defeated. For reasons unknown you already started to trust her.
"Okay. Thanks.". Before she walked around you, she took the stethoscope hanging around her neck. "I'm just going to check your general condition. Listening to your lungs, getting your blood pressure. All the standard things, you know.".
"Just go on.". Again you were surprised, your voice sounded much calmer and steadier than you really felt inwardly. The truth was that you felt totally exposed. Every single nerve of you trembled, your breath rattling, your heart beating so fast in your chest against your sore ribs that you heard it's echo pounding in your ears. You fervently hoped that she didn't pick up on all those things and didn't notice how much impact she had on you.
"Could you please take some deep breaths.".
That was more an order than a question, and so totally unnecessary. Honestly, you were already breathing deeply in desperate need to calm and cool down. You shut your eyes tight, inhaled and exhaled more intensely, while she listened to your lungs on several different spots. Then she placed the stethoscope right above your heart and you prayed. Prayed that she didn't get the connection between your racing heartbeat and her close proximity, only inches separating the two of you.
When she's done she looked up at you, smiling goofily. Of course, she did get the hint …
"Well, you're seemingly a little bit nervous.", she winked at you, "But apart from that, your lungs and heartbeat sounds good. Slightly flustered, but working just fine.".
Then she stepped around you, now being able to see similar bruises on your back sticking out against your skin.
"What happened to your back?".
"The projectiles that hit me, were from a fully-automatic weapon. Short distance. The impact threw me off my feet. The next thing I realized was that I was lying on the ground.".
When you absent mindedly stated not only one shot, you cursed yourself and she raised an eyebrow in worry.
Even without further detailed weapon knowledge the surgeon figured how highly lucky you were today. She silently thanked the guardian angel that had watched over you, seemingly pulling a double shift. The damage could have been much worse.
"So there were more bullets that hit you? How many?".
"… three, to be exact.".
Make that a triple shift for your guardian angel.
"Did you black out?" deep concern swayed in her voice. Immediately she was concerned about possible head or brain damage. She had found another contusion on the back of your head, secretly hidden under your smooth long blonde hair, she gently touched the outlines of the wound without hurting you. There was another tiny gash on your temple. You felt her gentle touches on your skin, burning every nerve under her finger tips. But she never seemed aware of her effects.
What you recognized, though, were her features growing darker as the next seconds passed by. Each piece in the puzzle, all present in your injuries, finally found it's right place and she eventually came to a horrible realization. The picture of the raid today slowly started to play itself in front of her mind's eye. She was able to visualize what you went through only hours before. She had to admit, only the imagination of you in a gun-fight, getting hurt in it's progress, was even more terrifying than all the special broadcasts and videos she had followed throughout the whole day on screen or on the radio combined together.
You sensed her sudden fear but saw how she fought to get rid of those images … and the effect it had on her.
She wasn't there after all. She couldn't know what really happened. But again, all she needed was to look at your bruises and the gash on your temple and she would know that you tried to dodge the bullets that were fired at you. She could imagine how one of the projectiles grazed your forehead before you were finally hit by another two bullets, the impact throwing you off your feet, leaving you to fall heavily on your back which would rip the air out of your lungs, unable to move you gasped for the essential oxygen like a fish out of water, your features a full mix of anguish and shock. She assumed the pain had been unbearable and she wondered if you cried out in agony or if you simply lay still waiting frantically for help …
She wondered how you could still stay that calm and collected. Seemingly not even mentally touched at all.
You felt her turmoil, felt that she struggled with her imaginations, so you wanted nothing more than to take her mind off of that cruel reality, wanted to soothe her instead.
You remembered that you wanted to be honest, but at the same time you didn't want to fuel her worry further.
When you spoke, your voice was as soft and reassuring as it could possibly be.
"I don't know … maybe … if, then only for a brief moment.".
She was back in front of you, somehow composed but still deeply impressed, took a tiny flashlight out of her scrub pocket and shone it in your eyes. First the right, then the left one.
For a second you thought the flashlight was trembling in her hand, but you dismissed the thought the instant it occurred. Her movements were too fast to confirm your suspicion.
"Your corneal reflexes are fine. Any headache?".
"Uhm … yeah. Quiet a beast.".
She smiled at you in sympathy, grateful for the honest answer. Seemingly the early storm between the two of you had been calmed.
Further she examined your upper body a little bit more, carefully palpating your ribcage along the outlines of your bra and shoulder with such gentleness you thought she did that especially for you. Her soft touches made you forget the pain, making you lose your mind and body control as you felt those hands move. It was terrifying how much impact she had on you. Abruptly you realized horrified and with shame a beginning of a prickling sensation deep down in your lower abdomen. You wished that this beautiful torture, due to her touches, would end soon even though your body craved for more. You caught your breath in order to suppress a low moan escaping your throat.
At least, you did catch it in time, didn't you?
Fright was completely taking over. You suddenly weren't sure of it anymore and her unsuccessfully suppressed broad goofy grin was answer enough, left you wanting to hide in a hole. A very big and deep hole in fact. Couldn't the earth just swallow you completely and save you from this embarrassing moment? You asked yourself what's going on with you. Your body reacting to this simple kind of stimulation like a starved predator.
Suddenly her hands are gone, no longer in contact with your skin and your nerves already screamed in protest.
It was her saving you from your misery, not even reacting on what she had just witnessed.
"Okay, I've seen enough. You can put on your blouse and sit back down again. I just need your right arm for a second." she indicates to the examination table behind you. You quickly get dressed and sat down as asked, pulling up the right sleeve of your blouse.
She was back in front of you, blood pressure gauge in hand. "I'm just going to check your blood pressure.". She fixed the gauge on your upper arm, pumped it up and then placed her stethoscope back on your skin at the crook of your right arm, right on top of the ulnar vein. She listened intensely for a few minutes until she was satisfied, hanging the stethoscope back around her neck, placing the blood pressure gauge on her desk, making fast notes on your chart.
"Your blood pressure is slightly raised. But there's nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.".
So far the complete report of your injuries by palpation and observation were two massive bruises on your right chest in close proximity, another heavy one on your back, a visible deep and nasty gash on your forehead and another bruise on the back of your head. Still, she had to make sure that she didn't miss any fractures, inner wounds or possible head traumas that you could have suffered.
The next thing you recognize were her eyes in front of you, same level. She had pulled a roll stool from aside, sat down and rolled it in front of you so that she faced you directly. But you didn't notice it, too busy trying to catch your breath and get your body under control again. She never left the seat in front of you during the next minutes.
"Lieutenant, I would like to take some x-rays of your ribcage, your shoulder and a CT of your head. Just to make sure nothing is broken and you haven't suffered any head trauma. After that I'll stitch up that gash on your temple. It isn't bleeding anymore, so we can treat it later. Would that be okay with you?".
"Sure, of course.".
"Good, I will call a nurse who will get you to the radiology department. After they're done I'm going to analyze the images and we will meet again here, okay?".
You nod, what else could you do.
"Okay, wait here. I'll be right back.".
She smiles at you encouragingly, surprising you by briefly patting your left knee with her right hand before she stood up and left the room. That again gave you the chance to breathe deeply. She did linger in that gesture a second longer than she really needed, didn't she? The simple act and touch alone left you completely speechless.
Woah! Calm down! Get a grip!
Did that all really just happened?
Not only did this surgeon soothe your nerves, she was also able to make you feel dumbfounded and tense all over again. She was able to send you through a roller coaster of emotions within seconds! She made you so much at ease, that chatting with her was easy. Not only simple chatting, but flirty as well. A tad too flirtatious? Hell, you didn't care! Two could play at that game!
She came back with the nurse, who already brought you in this room only minutes before.
Or how much time had already passed? You totally lost track of time.
Anyway, you rose up while she turned back to your chart on her desk, wrote down further instructions for your treatment handing them over to the reappearing nurse moments later.
"Jess will take you to radiology. I'll see you after I have analyzed your x-rays.".
She smiles at you with bright eyes.
You have already reached the door and were as good as out of the room when her amused voice addressed to her colleague reached your ears.
"Take good care of the Lieutenant, Jess. Somehow she wasn't able to do that on her own today. Just like the poor little boy that went out of luck before.".
You look back at her, shooting her a death glare when you see her smirking and winking at you. There you had it, she was mocking you. Comparing you with an idiotic teenager …
~ o ~
It took another 30 minutes until you left the radiology and nurse Murray brought you back to the treatment room you were in before. Again she explained that you had to wait a little bit longer until Dr. Jenson had analyzed your x-rays and would return to assess them with you.
This time she didn't let you wait long. Soon the door was pushed open and she walked in confidently, smiling warmly at you. In her hands she held an envelope, certainly containing your radiographs.
"Well, Lieutenant. I've got good news for you.".
She walked to her desk, on the wall behind it was a x-ray film viewing box. With quick movements she pulled the images out and placed it on the box, switched on the light and you saw several two-dimensional views of your own chest and shoulder in front of your eyes, together with a CT scan of your brain and skull.
"Nothing's broken and there is no head trauma. So, your ribs and shoulder are bruised but everything is intact. You will have to live with some nasty bruises the next couple of weeks but considering what you went through today, you should call yourself lucky. Things could have been a lot worse. Anyway, I'm going to clean and stitch up that gash on your forehead now. Come on, lay back down and make yourself comfortable.". She gestures back to the examination table and you walk over to take your seat. Nurse Murray had already entered the room, preparing surgical instruments for the treatment. You swallow heavily when you saw the sterilized appliances, turning nervous and tense again.
Out of the blue you felt a sudden but gentle and warm contact on your right upper arm. You look down and see her hand on top of your biceps. She looks down at you in sympathy.
"Hey, it will be only a small procedure. Nothing to worry about. Done that countless times before. Call it daily business or routine.".
You stared at her in pure amazement. How she was able to read you, to sense your discomfort the second it emerged and made it disappear with sweet little gestures.
"First of all I'll clean the wound and then I'm going to inject a local anaesthetic around the gash, lidocaine, which will have an effect in a few minutes. Should be not more than five stitches. I will be as gentle as possible. You will feel nothing, I promise. Just relax.". She again gently strokes over your skin cheeringly, before she cleaned the injured wound.
"It might sting for a second.".
Then she took the offered syringe from the nurse, silently thanking her with a nod, leaned over and injected the local anaesthesia around your gash.
You didn't react and kept a straight face as you felt the needle piercing your skin and the substance filling your tissue. You felt how the area around the wound steadily went numb.
Meanwhile she pulled off her white coat, cleaned and disinfected her hands and forearms thoroughly, putting on sterile gloves. Murray had already placed a tray with the needed instruments over, making sure Jenson didn't need anything more before she left.
The surgeon sat back down on the rolling-chair in front of you, reaching for the instruments she needed to treat the wound.
While she stitched you up with her professional expertise, she made eye contact with you.
"So tell me. Are you really that bad-ass as you want to make everybody believe? Or am I assuming right that there is a soft core under your hard shell?".
You look back at her and see nothing but sympathy, maybe a little challenging. So you didn't waste time to answer her. It was scary how natural it felt to talk with her, how easy it was.
"Well, you can say it's in the genes.".
She raised an eyebrow at you, smiling. "Cop family then. Okay, that explains it all.".
You looked at her questioningly. "What's that supposed to mean?".
"The confidence, the smugness, the slight arrogance. But most of all: The pride. All attributes that define cops. So who is it who prepared the footsteps? Grandfather? Your father? A Brother? All together?".
You smirk by her couriousity. "My mother. She's captain with LVPD. In truth, she is the one I owe all of this. She more or less forced me to go to hospital.".
"Then you should thank her. She really saved you a lot of pain, and I'm sure she's only worried about your well-being. Some kind of mother business. Know that well enough on my own, believe me. I can imagine it has to be hard to trail behind her.".
"Yeah, well sometimes she can be a real pain in the ass, yes.".
She chuckled with delight, which left you thinking you had accidently made a joke and missed the punch line without knowing it.
"Well that doesn't surprise me. Like mother, like daughter they say.". She winked at you cheekily.
You have enough of her mocking, but you're sure totally helpless since she has you proverbially in her hands. So you just stick out your tongue at her.
Then she took the scissors and trimmed the stitches, placing a breathable white band-aid over your wound. When she's satisfied with her work, she rolled back an inch and took the gloves off. Throwing them in a nearby special medical trash basket.
"Well, we're done, Lieutenant.".
"Thank you.".
She walked back to her desk, pulled her coat back on, sat down in her chair and turned her attention to the computer in front of her while you took the seat opposite her desk.
"No need to, you're very welcome. The numbness will disappear in a few hours. I'll give you ibuprofen and paracetamol for the pain. You can take it together every 4 to 6 hours. Depending on how much pain you're in. If it's necessary, I can prescribe you a stronger narcotic medication. But you're a bad-ass cop, I assume you won't need it." she grins goofily which made you chuckle. She had already packed and signed the dosage of the promised painkillers, a package of each, ibuprofen and paracetamol, handing it over to you.
"Remember, if the pain's getting heavier, don't hesitate and visit me before our next appointment. In that case I'll give you something stronger.".
You nodded in reply, not even wanting this scenario to become reality. The pain now was bad enough, you didn't want to imagine it getting more intensive. She focused you when you looked a little bit too long on the meds. She leaned over, resting her forearms on the desk, folding her hands together.
"A word of advice from me: Use ice pads and heat on a rotating basis. The ice will help ease the pain, decrease the swelling and cut down the inflammation. While warmth helps promote good heeling. You may need to continue this treatment for 48 hours or more until the tenderness begins to subside. At the same time, be careful about your movements, particularly any stretching of the muscles in the rib cage area. I highly advise you to avoid overexerting the injured ribs. Do only as much as feels comfortable. Minimize your movements and rest as often as possible. Take it easy for the next few weeks. Don't overdo it, I would like to see you again in not longer than a week. To make sure everything's fine.".
"What about this really sexy plaster, how long do I have to wear it? Not to mention the even more sexier bump …". You indicated with your index finger to your temple.
She smirked at your sense of self-irony. "I assure you, you can wear anything and still would look sexy. Even with this bump and a little plaster on your head you're still going to turn many heads of a lot of guys. It won't take away any of your beauty. You sure will survive a few days with it. But you have to wear it for at least three to four days, until it fully dried. But right now it's a fresh wound and even if I cleaned it up thoroughly, I don't want to risk an infection. I'll give you some breathable and waterproofed plasters for the next few days. You don't have to wear it during the nights, but at daystime". She got up way too hastily, lowering her head as fast as possible to hide her blushing cheeks. It seemed that not only you were taken aback by her words that slipped off her lips, without her wanting it in the first place. Instead she walked over to the cupboards, blindly opening drawers and cupboards to get what she was looking for.
You were thankful for the silent minutes passing by. Moments that gave both of you the needed time to gather yourselves together.
You sensed the upcoming awkwardness between the two of you and tried to return back to business. You could hear her taking a deep breath in the distance before she finally turned. Pleased and composed she moved back to her desk.
"When will you remove the stitches?".
Again she smiled to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. She just finished stitching you up but you already thought about when they would be removed. Answering, she handed two packets of band-aid over to you. One air-permeable, the other one water-resistant.
"In about seven to fourteen days. If the wound looks fine to me on our next appointment, I will remove them then. It all depends on how it looks in a week, how good you will take care.".
"How long will it take until it's fully healed? The ribs I mean. Four weeks?".
"The healing of rib injuries can be a slow process. Four weeks can be possible. But it often can take up to six weeks.".
You gulped audibly and it did not go unnoticed.
"Don't worry. I don't think it will take that long in your case. Maybe half the time. Your bruises are moderately severe. Could be worse." she soothes you.
"Okay, you're the expert. Should I tape and wrap it up?".
Now she leaned back in her chair folding her hands over her flat stomach, impressed by your expertise.
"I wouldn't. The technique may provide some comfort and relief from pain, but it also increases the risk for pneumonia and lung collapse. One of the best ways to prevent this, is to perform deep breathing exercises. But again, the extent of your bruises are not that bad and it mostly becomes a serious complication by patients who are only supposed to bedrest. It shouldn't be a problem for you. If you feel that breathing becomes an issue don't hesitate and come back. Well, is there anything else you want to know? Something that is unclear to you?".
"No, you really answered all my questions.".
"Okay, then there is one more thing I've got for you, and I'm sure you will hate me for that.". She turned back to her computer, doing some fast clicks and then the printer went off.
"Honestly, I could never hate you.". The thought left your lips before you were able to catch them. That definitely wasn't meant to reach her ears.
"Thanks for the compliment. But you might rethink that in a few seconds.". She said as she raised a health insurance certificate.
"Oh no, come on, you have to be kidding me?". You grudgingly took it from her and looked down at the sheet of paper.
"Nope. No joke.".
Your mouth dropped open when you saw that she wanted you off duty for a full week, at least.
The famous John McEnroe curse slipped from your mouth in disbelief. "You can't be serious?".
"I'm quite serious about it. To be honest, I would have taken you off work for at least two to three weeks. But I assumed you wouldn't agree to that so as a compromise a week is the very least I'm agreeing to. There is one condition, I will want to see you again in a week's time to check that all is okay. If everything goes well until then, I may clear you for office duty.".
It was all very well for her to talk as she sat there, leaning back in her chair opposite of you, fixing you with her gaze like a hawk watching it's prey as if she was waiting for any kind of objection from you that she could counter.
Instead of that you grimaced, knowing you had no other choice than to play to her rules.
"When can I assume to be back in the field?" you asked, your voice soundly defeated.
"About two or three weeks. Depends on how good you will stick to my advice. The more you rest and take care, the sooner you will be returning to field duty.", followed by that encouraging wink.
"That's so not fair. You wouldn't like it either if the tables were turned.".
She hesitated, which left you grinning triumphantly. No answer was still an answer.
"No, probably not. But that's not the point. I'm not the one working as a police officer.". Her sweet voice is full of irony. It's her now who grinned at you mischievously. Already cutting short your moment of celebration.
You groaned in return. "Lieutenant it is.".
She laughed out audibly. "Yeah sure, Lieutenant … grumpy.".
The fact that this time she was able to catch the words that were on her mind in time before they nearly slipped from her lips stayed totally unnoticed by you. 'Lieutenant lascivious.'.
You frowned at her words.
"See, now you sure hate me.".
"No. Well … maybe a tiny little bit … ".
"Don't worry. I'm used to being the spoil sport. Anyway, just take it easy for the next few days and recharge your batteries. But please, no more fights, for everyone's sake. Your guardian angel was busy enough lately, give him a break. I will see you in a week.".
She stood up from her seat and walked around the desk, offering her right hand to you again.
"It was a pleasure to meet you Lieutenant. Just do me a favour and try to stay out of trouble until our next appointment, will you? Good bye for now and rest well". She said that with more emphasis.
"Well, if I am not at work there won't be much trouble for me to get into at all. Thank you very much for everything, doc. It was nice to meet you, too.".
During the long lasting handshake that followed, the sparks really began to flow, your nerves became sensitive to those soft sensuous touches, surely she could feel it too? You became hopelessly lost in the eyes of the other woman. She sure had sensed it too. It was as if neither one of you wanted to let go, such was the enjoyment of your skins being in close contact. But you somehow managed to free yourselves from the magic of each other, clearing throats, both smiling broadly like teenagers, already wishing the next week would be over much sooner than later.
What you sensed as you walked out of the treatment room were her burning eyes that stayed on your firm ass. Gladly you already had your back on her, or else she would have seen your bright smug grin.
Such a lot had happened during that special day, you felt alive again.
~ o ~
When you returned seven days later at Desert Palms, you're again met by nurse Banett at the reception, who became reserved the moment she saw you coming in. But today her grumpiness couldn't reduce your thrill of anticipation and joy.
Huh? Joy connected with a hospital visit in one thought. You sure were becoming sick.
"Miss Curtis.", oh how much you wished you could just wipe that fake smile off her face in an instant, "How can I help you?".
'How about you turn into an ugly frog and disappear to the sump you came from?'.
But despite your dislike towards the woman you had to give her some credit. She had a hell of a memory.
"I have an appointment with Dr. Jenson." you explain brusquely.
"Okay. I will inform her. Have a seat, it could take some minutes.".
You don't waste any more time with her and took a seat in the waiting area. This time it didn't take long, maybe ten minutes until the beaming voice of the handsome doctor called out for you. She walked towards you, welcoming you by again offering her hand to you, which you took without hesitation.
"Lieutenant, it's good to see you again. Please follow me.".
You walk alongside one another through the corridor, as she led the way through the floor, chatting easily with each other as you walked.
"Yeah, well, didn't have any choice. If I want to get back to the field as soon as possible I have to stick to the orders of this stubborn trauma surgeon.".
"Argh … that was straightforward. See you're still hating me for taking you off work.".
"Again, just for the record: I could never hate you. I just want to go back to work as soon as possible without my ribs giving me a hard time.".
"We will see about that. How are you doing, by the way?".
"Fine. I'm feeling pretty good. The tip with the ice and warmth was priceless. Really did the trick. So too with the painkillers, they worked just fine.".
You reached another treatment room, she very courteously held the door open for you, walking in after you. For the briefest moments, you felt your bodies brushing against each other.
"That's good. Please, sit down.". She gestures to the examination table.
"First I want to see the bruises. Then I'm going to check your stitches.".
"Okay.".
"Same procedure as last time. Would you please take off your blouse?".
Again you chose a blouse, dressing was still a tough challenge for you. Again she gave you a moment of privacy while you undressed but you felt the hidden glances she threw at you once in a while.
She checked your contusions thoroughly. Again your body had its own idea of how to react to her soft touches. But today however, you seemed to be more in control of your breathing and heartbeat than seven days ago. The bruised areas weren't coloured in the heavy deep aggressive violet and blue swellings, your body had cleaned the dead blood cells out of the damaged area, instead turning it into a fading greenish-yellow colour.
"It looks good. Really good.".
She asked you to stand up to have another look at your back and head. Carefully she palpated the still slightly wounded skin, very aware of your sensitive nerves.
"The bruises are healing very well so far, not to mention the sexy bump on the back of your head.".
She picked up on last weeks words and smiled widely. Then she came back in front of you.
"That leaves the stitches.". With such tenderness she removed the plaster from the wound, you never felt a thing.
"Okay, that's healed just fine. I'm going to remove them now. Pull on your clothes again and I will get what I need.".
This time she pulled on another pair of sterile gloves, took the ligature scissors together with a pair of tweezers and returned to your side.
"Just lay back. I will do the rest.". Starting to concentrate on your stitches she smilingly started talking to you.
"It looks like you really took care of your well-being and wounds. I have to admit, I didn't quite expect this. I have to say you're starting to become some kind of my favourite patient.".
You furrow your brow, picked up on her lead and smirked smugly.
"What? I'm not already on top of your list?".
"Well, we could work on your temper and resistance a little bit more. Then maybe you're becoming my number one.". She winked at you.
"What a thing to say after only our second appointment! I'm quite shocked, doctor.".
"Surgeon, actually."
Oh, you smiled broadly. You had just found a weak spot of her own. One that was pretty similar to yours, funnily.
She further removed the last three stitches with experienced efficiency as you drowned in your thoughts, simply staring off into space.
Only seconds later her angelic voice reached your ears. "Penny for your thoughts.".
"Huh?".
"If you carry on like this you will burn a hole in the ceiling. You're thinking too hard and frown too much. Makes that nice, smart head of yours wrinkly. You should smile more often. A smile suits you much better than all the frowning you obviously have been doing way too much lately.".
You were totally taken aback by her words, gulped the huge lump blocking your throat, only composing slowly.
"Well I assume the nurses are not as handsome and smart as the doctors here. And I get the slight impression that it became some sort of routine in here to mock cops.".
Your last sentence sounded much harsher than you actually intended it to. It was meant to be a joke after all, nothing more. You didn't want to offend her or her colleagues. But that's exactly what it sounded like.
"What do you mean?". Criticism about the team meant patients being not satisfied which lead to misunderstandings with the hospital after all. She should try to soothe the situation.
"Oh fuck … I'm sorry. I … It wasn't supposed to sound like that. I was just thinking aloud.".
"No, please, go ahead. Tell me what you meant.".
"Well, don't get me wrong. It's just when I first came here, I mentioned I'm with the police and was involved in a struggle it was as if nothing of that was of any relevance. A lot of your staff totally ignored my rank.".
She smiled at you. "A police rank doesn't make you the person that you are.".
"Just saying. No offense.".
"None taken.".
"It's just … I don't know. Better forget it.".
"Listen. It's not you, or any of the other cops. There isn't any disliking or disrespecting against the police force. We totally respect everything you're doing, risking your life every day to make ours a little more safe. But this is a hospital emergency room. Every single person coming here is an individual, a patient. Everyone is treated the same way. The only difference of any patient is the urgency and severity of their injuries. When you came in here, identifying yourself as a cop, referring to this shoot-out during the raid, prizing yourself above all the other waiting patients while you were obviously fine, you went against that principle of this hospital. Intended or not, it doesn't matter. But you made yourself stand out against all the others and that's probably what annoyed a few co-workers. There was no blood, you walked in on your own legs, didn't have to be carried by a stretcher. Above all you've waited hours before even seeking medical help. So please forgive us if we didn't direct our attention to the slightly injured Lieutenant right away and jump the moment you entered our halls.". She sent you a challenging but mocking look and you knew she was half kidding and still deadly serious.
You're totally stunned by her explanation and suddenly realized that due to your smugness you offended not only the other patients but most of the hospital staff too! As that fact slowly dawned on you, you felt totally embarrassed by your stupid act.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if anybody was offended by my behaviour. I never intended to behave in such a thoughtless way".
You took a deep breath, realizing that it was your fear that had led you to acting the way you did. "Seems like hospitals really give me the thrills. Make me go crazy. I'm such a coward.".
"No, you're not. You just lost your head for a few minutes. See it as a big misunderstanding.".
"I feel so stupid.".
"Nah, I really doubt that. You're anything but stupid. Whatever reasons you've got that make you feel so uncomfortable about hospitals, they got the better of you and you tried to cover that up with arrogance.".
"You and everyone else have every right to be angry with me. Actually, I could slap myself for losing it.".
"Don't, it would be a waste of energy." She winked at you.
You paused and fixed her with your eyes, suddenly realizing a fact about the brunette, something else became obvious to you.
"But you … you weren't annoyed?"
"Nope. No reason to.".
"You've never treated me the way the others did. I won't forget these looks a few nurses and doctors gave me while I waited.".
"You're a patient. I don't treat you any other way.".
"No, I mean you … you didn't face me with prejudge. You gave me a chance.".
She suddenly stopped her actions, avoided your gaze, looking up at the ceiling and smiling nervously.
"Well, I just had the feeling that you weren't yourself out there. Some kind of intuition. I can't really describe it myself.".
"But they did tell you?". You frowned. Did you actually want to hear the truth?
She continued with her work. "Honestly, they warned me that you were just another one of those bitchy cops.".
You suddenly felt the urge to burrow your face in your hands, but couldn't. So you sighed deeply instead.
"You must have gotten a total wrong impression of me. Probably think that I'm a total selfish bitch not caring about anyone else than me.".
She lowered her gaze. "Does it really matter what I think about you?".
You carefully consider your answer. A strange truth.
"Yeah, it does.".
Just for a second longer she lingered in her position, but then her eyes came level with yours.
"My impression of you is just fine.".
A smile played on the corners of your lips.
"Really?".
"Really. Don't worry. If you were really the person you just described yourself to be so falsely you wouldn't work in the police force. I sensed there is something more to it than just a cop blondie marking new territory.".
Another silence decends over the two of you, before you speak up. This time it is your voice indicating you're joking.
"So next time I walk in here I have to limp and leave a blood trail after me to get your attention?".
"Only if you're starring in one of those stupid Hollywood action movies, Bruce.".
She grinned, she had found a new nickname for you. One you totally hated.
"But if you do so in reality I will personally kick your smart ass. Which would be a real shame, by the way.".
You chuckled.
"What about the remark that our nurses are not as handsome as our doctors?" she asked raising a brow, acting totally clueless even though she had a pretty good idea what you meant. "Saw someone you like?".
You felt the trap she had cornered you in, her faked innocent smile reaching your eyes. Fuck! How to get out of that? Come on, think hard!
Trying to come up with a plausible explanation your thoughts raced in your mind.
"Uhm … Your nurse at the reception. Nurse Banett? She wasn't really ... forthcoming.".
You inwardly clapped yourself on your shoulder. That wasn't too bad, was it?
"Let me guess, you introduced yourself as Lieutenant last time. Maybe putting some extra emphasis on it.". The way she looked at you made it clear she didn't buy your lame excuse.
You hesitated. "And in case I did?".
She chuckles amused. "Yeah, well Martha definitely knows how to handle people like you.".
"What do you mean, people like me?".
Again she smirked in amusement. "We already had that last week. Bad ass cops, who think they can save the world by only existing and judge the extent of their injuries even before a doctor examined them and say they're fine when they obviously are not. I'm surprised she didn't throw her famous 'We-are-the-qualified-medical-staff-and-we-are-going-to-assess-the-exact-extent-of-your-injuries-officer' line at you.".
"Well, in that case I would have strangl … ".
Whatever words were on your mind died on your lips the moment her startled frown and smile aswell as her surprised eyes meet yours. Yeah, great, just threaten her colleagues right in front of her. That's going to be another great picture of yours.
"… maybe I just should consider myself lucky, I think.".
Gladly, she let your comment slip.
"It depends … she doesn't seem to consider you as a striking bad-ass cop, sensed you would be one of the sensitive ones. Maybe you hit one of her rare empathic spots, aswell. Something that doesn't happen often. Instead she would have given you a real speech. But I have to say, you really annoyed her with your blondie behaviour. She's one of the most experienced staff members I know. Worked here long before I started even thinking about joining medical school. Or you getting your badge, that is. She's our solid rock out there, at the reception and anywhere else. Also she is the one nurse I want to have at my side during surgeries. She might be a 'Nazi', like we mockingly call her, but she is a very sensitive person with her heart on the right place. It's a pleasure for me to work with her. Anyway, call it wisdom if you like.".
Hell, then the nurses weren't as attractive and passionate as a specific surgeon facing her!
"There, it's done. You're finally rid of the stitches.". She rolled back again, taking off the gloves.
"Yepp, finally! Does that mean I'm back out into field, too?". Your voice was full of hope, almost sounding like a pleading puppy, even though you suspected nothing from her.
It's then that her pager went off and she looked down, checking the message.
"Sorry, for that. I'll clear you for desk work. Visit me again in a week and you should be able to be in the field again.".
"Well, that was not what I was hoping for." you grumbled.
"Sorry to be the spoilsport again.".
"That's fine, I really didn't expect anything else. Was worth a try.".
You stood, ready to walk to the door.
Suddenly you heard a knock and just a moment later a brunette woman in dark-blue scrubs and a white coat appeared. A quick glance at her name plate revealed her as Dr. Abigail Piezicki, chief of trauma surgery and Jenson's supervisor.
"Sorry to interrupt.", she shared a short glance at you before looking at her younger colleague, "But I paged you. I need you at the entry as soon as possible. Incoming car accident in about ten minutes.".
She nodded, her expression becoming very serious. "I'll be with you in a minute.".
The female older trauma surgeon left, closing the door behind her.
The brunettes low voice cut the silence thickened air.
"Tragedy never stops striking ...".
"Yeah, know that all too well.".
"So, one more appointment in a week and then I think everything should have healed fine. Lieutenant, it was a pleasure seeing you again. Take care until next time, okay?".
"Yes, ma'am. Will do.". Together you walked to the door of the treatment room but you paused before you reached the entry when a mischievous thought crossed your mind. "By the way. Is that your ploy?".
She turned to face you all surprised. "What do you mean? My ploy?".
"Yeah, you know, in my world we call it modus operandi. Making vague promises, putting your patients off until the 'next appointment'? Is that how you get them to do what you want?".
Now she understood. Both of you lingered at the door, not wanting to open it yet. Not wanting to separate. Each one of you feeling such a cheerfullness while in the other ones presence.
"Well, it seems to work just fine for me, don't you agree? I mean, my recent proof stays right in front of me." she smiles at you sweetly, daring you to challenge her. She was really enjoying this.
But honestly, you didn't have a reply for that. Touché.
"Good bye, doc.".
You reached for the door handle.
"See you next time, Lieutenant.".
Again, just like seven days before, her eyes stared at your back, rather your jeans clad ass. Well aware of that fact you smile goofily, putting an extra swagger in your walk. Who would have known the trauma surgeon had such a weak spot for your butt.
~ o ~
Three weeks had passed in a hurry. Much faster than you had at first thought. But you had realized during the past few days that it was mostly due to the new found acquaintance you had made who was sitting right in front of you.
She wrote the last few details on your patient chart while you sat patiently across from her, mesmerized and deep in thought, you stared at her.
Today she had cheerfully welcomed you, even calling you Bruce again, but strangely you sensed some kind of reserve in her behaviour. Not even her smile appeared as bright and genuine as you have come to expect. Something was different, but you couldn't put a finger on it. Which left you wondering if you had in fact done something wrong after all.
But she didn't give you any chance of figuring out the issue, her professionalism taking over fast enough. But she couldn't hide the emotions showing in her eyes.
This time she simply checked your hardly visible bruises. Satisfied that you seemed as good as new, her words. She faked a smile which you instantly recognized. You looked a second longer into her ice-blue eyes and suddenly you were able to name the change.
Saddness.
Immediately you felt the urge to make the sorrow vanish. To make her feel better, happier. To make her smile that real smile you dreamed about during the past few nights.
"Hey, doc? Can I ask you something?".
"Sure. Actually you just did." she half smiled at you. You noticed that you were more and more falling for that gesture. Her real smile that is.
"You never mentioned your full name to me. I think as you know mine, and mockingly call me officer or even Bruce, it should be only fair enough to tell me yours. Or else I could arrest you for insulting a police off …". You stopped yourself at the last second, before you had offended yourself in front of her.
Her laugh at that was priceless and you saw that sincere happy grin of hers once more. Therefore it was fully fine for you to make a complete fool out of yourself. Together with the lovely smile you sent her that seemed to melt her icy state. The sorrow finally entirely disappeared from her system. Seconds passed by in which she just looks at you, her expression full of warmth and sincerity. It was that exact moment when it dawned on you what was seemingly eating her from the inside. The reason for her sadness, it was the same that was bothering you.
Then a genuine smile crossed her face.
"Alex. Well, Alexandra it is.".
"That's a very nice name.".
"Thanks." She stuttered embarrassed. An awkward minute of silence lasted above you until she needed to change topics to a much professional state.
"So, that's it. You're officially healed and cleared for full police duty.".
"No more lovely sick leave papers?". Somehow you believed there was still something in the wind. Not to mention the fact that you had something on your mind, but didn't quite know how to express yourself. It was deeply worrying, you were a grown up woman but felt and behaved like a little girl back in high school.
"Nope, no nice piece of paper. Now get out of here or I might change my mind and don't even think of coming back in my ER for medical reasons.".
Putting your hands in your trouser pockets you shrugged deadly serious. "Well, who knows. I might stick around here every now and then if I get treated by the sexy brunette trauma surgeon that is.".
"Don't even think about it." she dared you, her voice growling.
But you were not going to give up just yet. "I might come around on a regular basis. Or do you make house calls?".
You tried desperately to keep a straight face but failed miserably. After a few seconds, with your features getting out of control. You both burst out laughing.
"Get lost Lieutenant!".
You chuckled and walked to the door. But before you finally left for good you faced her once more. You turned, took in a deep breath and gathered all the courage that you found inside yourself.
"I wondered if you would consider drinking a coffee with me sometimes?".
She looks at you sternly, her rule crossing her mind. Don't start anything with a colleague or patient. But hey, right now you weren't her patient anymore.
She lost that right half a minute ago. You widely grin inwardly.
She really tried to look at you insistent, but you could see the fight behind her eyes and the growing smile.
"Well …".
There you see it! If you didn't pay close attention you would have missed it, but you saw the ghostly smirk flashing over her face.
"… maybe.".
She did consider it. There was still a chance.
So then it all made sense. She told you to leave her hospital, to never come back, but that was a complete lie. The truth was the opposite. She actually wanted to see you again.
When you finally turned your back on her and moved out of the room, you made sure to show off as much of your confident swagger as possible only for her to see, feeling the piercing look of her eyes on your ass and legs following you out of the door.
~ o ~
During the next few weeks you made a bee line to several bars which were close to Desert Palms after work. You later had found out that "Henry's" was a famous and beloved place of the medical staff to hang out after their shift and maybe, just maybe, you would meet her there. Totally unexpected, of course.
After your last appointment three weeks ago, you never heard from her again. Nor have you ever visited the hospital once more.
But she had captured your mind. Every single moment you could only think about her.
Sadly that offer of coffee never materialised. So you took fate in your own hands.
You just had to see her again.
Entering the bar you stopped in your tracks at the door, scanning the crowd with sharpened eyes. Suddenly you caught the familiar silhouette of the woman who had stolen your heart …
Finally on your fifth night there, you got lucky. You grinned happily, now all good things go by five.
Strolling over to her, you saw her chatting with a group of colleagues, you assumed.
Then you realized that this was the first time ever you had seen her wearing her hair down. Her shoulder-length hazelnut brown hair was gently falling on her shoulders and you simply admired the look. You really liked her with that famous ponytail, but having her hair not tied back made her even more fascinating. Also without the scrubs you were finally able to make out her slender figure, her small but firm feminine curves showing off under the tight blue shirt she was wearing, somehow blue seemed to be her favourite colour you assumed and the strong legs and firm ass being perfectly fitted by her trousers. You were well aware of the fact that you were staring at her and it didn't go unnoticed by her companions. But you didn't care less. Only she never recognized it, because she sat on a bar stool facing in the opposite direction of the entry, but she sensed a pair of piercing eyes on her back.
One of the men noticing you coming closer and your observing look to his friend. Another face you recognised as Jessica Murray, the young nurse. She seemed to suspect who you were aiming for, a cheeky grin playing with her lips as she responded to the man.
"Woah, stunning blonde on collision course.".
"You mean, Lieutenant.".
That was the moment when she reacted. She had taken a sip of her drink, never paying attention to her colleagues comments. But when she heard the words "stunning-blonde-Lieutenant" together in one sentence to her that could only mean one thing. She spat out the sip and choked heavily on it, trying to regain her breath again as she turned in her seat at the bar.
You stopped inches apart from her and greeted her warmly.
"Lieutenant! I wouldn't have expected to meet you here." She replied between slight coughs.
You shrug your shoulders way too casually for her liking. "Just wanted to grab a drink.".
Her broad grin tells you you're already busted.
"And maybe find some good company. And voilá, there you are.".
She chuckles at your words. "Yeah sure.".
Jessica, who had watched with amusement, took the opportunity to excuse herself. "Well, I have to go to the bathroom, sorry. What about you Brian?". The blonde haired man in question was totally unknown to you and frowned at his friend in bewilderment.
"Why should I go to the ladies room together with you? You know they have separate bathrooms in here! No way I'm going in there!". He sighed deeply. "Tst. Man, I will never understand why you women always have to go to the bathroom together!".
Jess' next movement was too fast for him to even react as she nudged her right elbow into his chest.
"Ouch! Hey, what was that for?".
He was dumbfounded at first but got the hint after she shot him her best convincing death glare and some more visible help from the nurse and seemed to recognise you a moment later. "Oh … Oooh, yeah sure. Changed my mind. Sorry. Excuse us, really urgent.". With that the two seemingly fled, both their faces crested by wide smirks.
It looked like you were already well-known at the hospital for some strange reason.
You're thankful for their departure and she smiled in disbelief at the scene, burying her face in her right hand. She would kill her friends next time for leaving her that obvious.
That left only one more person sticking around her. You recognized the brunette woman immeadiately. It was Dr. Abigail Piezicki who you had met at your second visit to Desert Palm, Alex' mentor, best friend and supervisor. She though was not ready to leave her seat that easily, eyeing you suspiciously.
"You okay here, Alex?".
"Yeah sure. Everything's fine." she winked her off.
"You sure?".
However Brian retreated out of nowhere, grabbed her by the arm and lead her away to a billiard table at the far end of the bar. She never let the two of you out of her sight, though.
Now that you were alone, you looked deep into each others eyes.
"Well, Lieutenant, you have successfully scared my friends away. Although I really have to consider the friend part all over again.".
She shook her head and mumbled something under her breath. "Nice friends they are …".
You point to the seat next to her. "Mind if I take this chair?"
"No, come have a seat.".
She patted the chair and you were more than happy to obey.
For a few long minutes an uncomfortable silence fell over the two of you. No one knowing what exactly to say.
But then you can't stand the silence any longer. Feeling you had to get rid of the emotions tormenting you the past couple of days.
"I'm happy I came in here.".
"So you were actually looking for someone?".
"Well, I wished and hoped to see you again, yeah. After our last appointment we sadly lost contact.".
She didn't have enough courage to look you in the eyes. She rather started playing and fiddling with a beer coaster lying in front of her.
"I'm sorry for that. But … I was busy, you know. Work and … other stuff.". She felt no need to tell you that she had spent the last few days and weeks figuring out her feelings. She was confused by the emotions and thoughts that you had caused and occupied. She had no idea that you had just endured the same.
"Don't worry. I understand that. I was busy myself.".
"So why come in here? I mean, if you wanted to grab some 'company' you could have gone to any other bar or club in town. Don't you have some kind of cop bars?".
"I'm still waiting for that coffee offer to be accepted.". You send her a warm smile.
"With your looks, you definitely will turn every guys head in no time. Only stupid man will reject your coffee offer. You could have anybody. Even in here, all the guys are staring at you.". With a nod she points to a group of men, playing billiards and darts, watching you closely. You just caught the moment when the man, Brian, backhanded one of his peering companions. Wasting only a quick glance at those, you turned your attention back to her instantly. You weren't interested in any of them. Your goal was sitting right in front of you.
"I did suggest that offer to only one person. And I'm going to keep it that way. I'm not interested in them or any other guys. Too easy to have. They're not what I want.".
She smiles knowingly, slowly getting the hint you were implying. But she kept you on tenterhooks.
"So, who is it you're interested in? Who is it you want?".
"Well …". Was it really safe enough to tell her? Were you brave enough? "It's a secret.".
She leaned on her right hand, elbow resting on the counter, shrugged her shoulders in response and smilingly winked at you. "Argh … what a coincidence. I'm quite good at holding secrets.".
You lean in a little bit closer.
"Promise not to tell anyone." you purr.
She's slightly holding up her right hand. "Scout's honor. Highly promised.".
You hesitated before huskily admitting. "Maybe it's a special sexy brunette trauma surgeon.".
She was slightly taken aback by your straight forwardness, you saw it in her eyes. But again, you were the slightly arrogant and smug cop lady, she didn't really expect anything else. Soon she had composed herself, that surprised look changed into mischievousness. Again, two could play this game …
To your surprise she leaned even more in, her lips only inches apart from touching your skin, you felt her breath tickle the nerves, setting the ends on fire, whispering in your right ear.
"In that case, I have to disappoint you …".
You swear your heart stopped beating at that point.
"… she's married and has a three-year-old son.".
You felt like someone slapped you across the face, punched you in the guts and ripped your bleeding heart out of your chest. The colour drained from your face, you instantly turned deathly pale.
She was kidding, right?
But instead she kept a straight face, features staying serious.
Could it be that you had totally misinterpreted the whole situation and her character as well? That she had played you all along? Tricked you?
You never realized that the confusion, hurt and disappointment was all visible in your features and your eyes. You just stared in sheer disbelief at her, not noticing that her eyes darted to her left. What you realized, though, was her slowly growing smirk that went bigger with every passing second.
You just couldn't believe it. This woman was such a bitch. She was not only playing you, but after revealing the truth to you she had the guts to laugh at you in front of everyone around. She had already beaten you to the ground, but now she was all but spitting down on you …
You felt like an idiot. A stupid, naïve idiot. The sudden urge to leave overwhelmed you. To flee and hide. Far away from people.
Your brain shouted the order to your legs: Get out! Run!
Just as you were about to jump on your feet and hurry out of the bar, she grabbed your right arm, holding you in place, stifling her laughter. You were so caught up in your misery that you never noticed her fight for control.
Her eyes were red from amusement, though, she had even tears in her eyes that she had wiped away furiously with her left hand. It was at that moment that she clearly realized what her words had done to you. Her features immediately changed.
"Don't, please, I'm sorry. You got that wrong.".
You still looked at her confused. What the hell was there to get wrong? She was married and had a kid after all! And she sat there in front of you, flirting with you, leading you on and made a complete fool out of you!
Before you could reply she spoke up again.
"I was not talking about me. I meant her.".
She pointed to a group of people in the distance.
What the fuck?
You didn't want to but you followed her line of view, your eyes landed on a woman … somewhat a familiar face ... sending you a highly piercing glance with her hazel eyes … brunette hair falling gently on her shoulders … the chief of trauma surgery … Abigail Piezicki ...
Oh fuck!
Somehow she couldn't hold it any longer and burst out laughing, but patted your shoulder, while you stared at the other woman with parted lips completely dumbfounded. On one hand she felt pity for you, on the other hand the whole scene was just too hilarious. You could'nt take your eyes off the chief, her features changing, slowly softening, and only a second later she waved at you widely grinning.
Your gaze stayed on her a moment longer, then you lower your head in your hands as realization dawned on you.
You stupid head!
"Shit …".
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But it somehow fit so well, you have to admit. I couldn't resist. It was a joke, a really bad joke all along,for which I have to apologize. I'm really really sorry.".
"No, no. I should have known who you were referring to.".
"Honestly, you couldn't.".
"Of course, I saw her at Palms. But I didn't get the connection, stupid me. I'm a Lieutanant, for god's sake! What does that make me look like? I made a complete fool out of myself in front of you, again.".
She only realized by then what her intended joke had caused, what damage she had really done. She reached out and took your hands in hers, which left you nowhere to hide. Slowly you looked up at her, smiling embarrassed at you.
"You're not a fool. I'm the idiot. What I did was mean. I shouldn't have played you like this. I'm really sorry.".
You lingered in that pose, that touch, both losing yourself in the other ones eyes.
"Like I said, I can't be angry with you.".
She smiled happily, picking up the similarity of your words you had said weeks before in the hospital.
A bright smirk crossed her face. "The other brunette trauma surgeon is kid free and single.".
"That's good.".
"But I have to warn you. I heard she's not easy to have and please, and she has a horrible sense of humour.".
You gulp a heavy lump in your throat. Grinning wickedly you whispered back.
"Then tell her, I like challenges. I would do anything in order to get a chance with her.". Then your grin changed into a smirk. "And about the humor. I think we can work on that one. Payback is a bitch, you know.".
She leaned back, looking you straight in the eyes, not breaking eye contact with you.
With a husky voice she replied. "I think she got the message.".
Silence settled upon the two of you.
But then, only minutes later she extended her hand out all of a sudden, surprising you. "Hello, I'm Alexandra.".
You looked doumbfounded at first -this woman was full of surprises- but chuckled at her blatant act, trying to make a new beginning, excepting her gesture and giving her a proper welcoming handshake.
"Nice to meet you, Alexandra. My name is Sofia.".
The two of you lingered in that simple contact, grinning wide like fools at each other.
That evening changed your life completely. You remember how you invited her for a drink of her choice, which was not a coffee in the end and she happily agreed. You arranged a raincheck, coffee two days later. She waved the bartender over, which she seemed to knew very well, gave them your orders. You can remember changing cell phone numbers that evening.
It all started slowly. You met for some coffee or breakfast at least twice a week, easily falling in conversation with each other. You began to invite her for dinner. You had long and funny phone sessions on the days you couldn't spend together. You started having movie nights at each others flats. Both of you felt the strong bond between each other grow with each passing day, but so far those feelings were not acted upon.
Until this one day, when attraction, desire and passion were all too overwhelming to ignore them any longer.
Before you met her you had not felt alive for a long time. Your heart was shattered and broken. But finally, with her, it slowly started to heal from it's suffered anguish. She was able to piece it back together, to fix it, to make it beat again quickly without any pain attached. Now your emotions and passion felt like the phoenix rising from the ashes …
If you were totally honest with yourself, you thanked your mother for being that stubborn and persistent on that special day. Not only because you had certainty about your injuries but although more important because she, unknowingly, paved the way for your happiness. For that you would never be able to thank her enough.
Whatever it was that happened to you, it started the moment you met her. This one special person, your personal angel.
Your icy appearance had begun to melt with the first eye contact between the two of you, every day a little more and it had warmed your heart. So finally, it was lit and now an unruly fire blazed inside of you.
Coincidence?
Fate?
Or driven providence?
You didn't believe in any of it.
Again, considering all facts, you had to be honest and admit to yourself: You never believed in love at first sight. But on the other hand you believed in soulmates.
So the process that happened to you, you assumed it now to be something between a first-sight-attraction and spiritual kinship.
It's an invisible strong bond that unites. It's more than words can ever describe. Love that becomes deeper with each passing day. When one dreams, he has simply a dream. If two dream the same, it's the beginning of reality …
You remember the famous words of writer and speaker Jiddu Krishnamurti you have once read: "Meet love without looking for it, is the only way to find it. You have to accidentally encounter it, not by effort or experience.".
That's exactly what happened to you …
And all I feel inside me,
Is an empty space.
I know you want to haunt me.
But you leave no trace.
How long, how far,
Do I need to go?
Before your splinter heart,
Opens up,
And takes my soul.
(Dana Kerstein ~ "My Soul Ghost")
For those who didn't fall asleep: Congratulations! You have finally reached the end of this update ;). But don't feel to save, there is more in store *g*.
To those who still feel like having some energy left you are very welcome to share your thoughts and impressions in a review.
For now, I will say my thanks for your interest!
Take care and stay safe!
Dragodina
