Summary. She is afraid to tell him she loves him, because she's scared he'll go away. But what if that's just he reason he would go?
04. Houston, we've got a problem!
After the whole fiasco at the Cullen house, I decided not to visit them for the next few... centuries? I'd had enough. I was tired of those "funny" jokes Emmet made, the weird facial expressions on Jasper's face, who was always looking like he was in pain, Alice's bounciness and that demon child. Every time I thought about her- it? - I shuddered.
So I spent most of my time at my mother's house. I helped her bake- 'Leah, how hard is it to keep everything in the bowl, instead of on the floor?'- and played games with Seth- 'I won! Again! You suuuuck!' Okay, so maybe it didn't all go as planned, seeing as I was still feeling blue, but it was quite a nice change.
I was glad my family was there to make me feel better. I never told my mother in actual words how glad I was they were there for me, but she knew when I hugged her extra tight when I left in the evening or greeted her with a kiss on the cheek in the morning.
The only thing that didn't feel right was when I was thinking about the pack. I had always loved being a werewolf- right, sorry Sam, shape shifter- yet thinking about it now, made my stomach churn.
However, I decided to get over it, because Sam had carefully implied I needed to patrol again. I hadn't shifted or patrolled for almost a month and Sam really needed more people to help. Most of the pack had their own families (some even with someone who wasn't their imprint, which really pissed me off. I knew how it felt when the man you loved left you for someone else, even if it was their true love) and they wanted to spend more time with them. And although I never really cared about how the others felt, I also knew that it was hard to divide your attention to your family (or (ex-?) boyfriend) and the pack. They were both a big part of you, choosing was impossible.
So on this fine day I was standing in my mom's backyard, slowly breathing in the fresh forest air. The thing I liked about La Push was that wherever you where, even in your own garden, you were surrounded by trees. You never had to be scared that someone was trying to sneak a peek while you were sunbathing or something. And it also came handy when I was trying to shift again.
While pulling my shirt off, I walked to the first few trees. I wasn't crazy enough to stand naked in front of the windows, you never know if there is a sudden visitor. When my clothes were neatly folded, I firmly planted my feet on the ground, concentrated and tried to shift. Nothing happened.
I tried again, this time closing my eyes. The familiar feeling of the shift didn't come over me. I still felt nothing, no tingling limbs, stretching muscles, groaning bones, nothing. Opening my eyes, I blinked and felt stunned. I knew that werewolves could turn back human if they didn't change for awhile, but I only didn't change for a few weeks!
Slowly I put my clothes back on. This was weird. Should I talk with Sam about it? Or maybe Jacob. I decided not to. This could just be a fluke. I was going to try again tomorrow and I might succeed then.
The next day I was standing between the first trees at my mom's backyard again. My clothes were lying on a pile a few feet away from me; my back was turned into the direction of the house. I hadn't told anyone about what happened yesterday, although I do think Seth might have noticed me coming back feeling weird.
Closing my eyes, I visioned myself turning into my light grey wolf form. I tried to take hold of the magical feeling I always sensed while turning. In my mind I was running on all fours again, feeling the wind blow through my fur.
When I opened my eyes I was still standing in my human form between the tall trees.
Now I felt like crying. What was wrong with me? Could something be blocking my ability to shift? Even though I still didn't feel like I wanted to turn into a wolf, if was also a part of me. Being a werewolf was part of who I was. Why didn't it work?
Maybe now was the time to talk to Sam. I prayed he knew what to do, 'cause I felt useless. What was the point for me to be living anymore? I couldn't give Christian- or maybe some other man, seeing that he and I were kind of broken up- children and I couldn't even protect my tribe. What was the point?
I quickly dressed and then fell down on the soft forest floor. I lay on my back, the dark green moss giving me a soft place to relax for a bit. I could see the blue sky- it might be the first beautiful sunny day in La Push for the year or something- above the high trees. Never did I feel as protected as when I was in the forest. When I was younger, my family and I sometimes visited a city like Seattle or once even New York during the summer holidays, but I was always happy to get back to La Push, nothing could beat that. In the city you were surrounded with tall buildings and people who only minded their own business, it was so impersonal. Yes, I didn't care for all the gossiping ladies from La Push, but there was a kind of safety in knowing that you would never be left alone.
My thoughts took over and I didn't notice anything else anymore. I didn't see the trees or felt the ground I was laying one, didn't even hear the birds sing and before I knew it I heard my name being called. 'Leah? Are you still outside? It has been more than two hours.'
Two hours? It felt like only two minutes! 'I'm here, Seth,' I called back. I almost felt him raise his eyebrow when he saw me lying on the floor but then he dropped on the ground next to me and lay down too.
'What are you doing?' He shifted so that his arms were behind his head, legs crossed at the ankles. It was the typical way for guys to look cool while lying on the ground. Whatever.
I wasn't sure if I should tell him about my shifting problem, afraid he was immediately going to call Sam or tell my mother who would only stress about it.
'I..' Should I tell him? 'I was just..' Maybe he could help. 'I can't-,' But it might work tomorrow, you never know with mythical creatures. 'And then..' He was my brother, I could trust him. 'I cannot-,' I should, right? 'I was just tired.' Okay, guess that was a definite no to telling Seth.
He turned his head to me and I felt his curious eyes burning a hole in the side of my head, I refused to look at him.
'You sure?' I heard the doubt in his voice. Nodding was the only thing I could do, I was afraid my voice would waver and betray me.
We lay together for quite a while and there was one question spinning in my head. Since when was Seth so grown up? Was it when he first shifted? When he had to help me after Sam? After Chris? I felt the urge to hug him and impulsively I did.
He was stunned for a few seconds before he wrapped his large arms around me. 'You are weird,' I mumbled in his chest. He chuckled and my head bumped up and down because his chest did so too. 'I think you are weird. But, who cares? Maybe it's in the genes.'
That afternoon I was home again. My family really did make me feel better and I was now able to be at home without crying. That had taken quite a few days and a lot of tears. Whatever. I had the right to feel like this, don't you think so? Being dumped by your imprint isn't all that great.
The phone rang and I jumped up, well, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Nobody ever called me. Unless-?
'This is Leah.' I sounded hopeful and almost slapped myself.
For two seconds there was silence, then a voice said, 'Leah? It's Christian.'
My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't come up with anything else than, 'Hi.' Wow, never knew I could sound so stupid.
'I'm really sorry I just ran away.' His voice sounded so normal, yet there was also a hint of sadness. 'I was hoping that you'd want to talk to me. I still love you and I don't want us to break up.' He paused. I stayed silent. 'But I also want to change some things.'
I still couldn't find my voice. 'Leah? Are you still there?' I was glad to hear his desperation; it was a bit of a relief.
'Yes, I'm still there,' I croaked. 'I would like to talk. When are you coming back?'
I could almost hear his relief and happiness. 'I think I will be back the day after tomorrow, around noon. Is that okay?'
I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me. 'Yes.' Why was it so hard to talk to him? We'd never had that problem.
'Alright. I-,' he hesitated, 'bye.' The soft beeping noise coming from the phone told me he had hung up. It was hard to hold back my tears, but somehow I managed. He would come back. He would come back to me.
I thought cooking might be a good distraction- I didn't want to start crying, because once I started, there was no way to stop- so I took some supplies out of the supply closet to make a nice meal and started to prepare the food. I had decided to make lemon chicken, one of my all time favorites. My mother had once given me the recipe, and it was one of the few things I could make without burning the house down.
One and a half hour later I was vomiting in the bathroom. Since when did that dish smell so bad? I couldn't imagine I had ever eaten that. It was disgusting! I wiped my mouth with the towel hanging on the hook next to the sink and sat down against the shower stall. How could this happen? I was never sick, hadn't puked in more than five years or so, but suddenly I was feeling nauseous all the time.
My face paled when I could only come up with one explanation, even though it didn't make sense at all. I had to go to the pharmacist. Because there was a good chance that I- that I was...
O my god. I was pregnant.
Hello again!
First I want to thank you all for reviewing! I hope everyone received a reply, if not, I'm terribly sorry and also very thankful!
I'm quite busy with school and stuff, so I won't be able to update very often. That's also the reason why this chapter isn't very long.
So, although a lot of you reviewed, many people just visited the story, but didn't comment on it. I would love it if more people would give me feedback, because then I will be able to make my story better.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I will see you next time!
Byeee! Jetske
