A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Please let me know what you think. This chapter is not as depressing as the first three mainly because my muse was in a happy mood and couldn't get into the depressing mind set. So enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter Four: Good days
Emily smiled as she watched Hotch talk happily on the phone to their daughter. Some days were good and some where bad but today was definitely was a good day. She woke up early this morning with his hand in hers and throughout the morning he hasn't moved it.
The bad days came more often than not and on those days he didn't touch her. And she didn't try to touch him either. They would keep to themselves as much as possible and only go about their new daily routine. They never talked about anything other than the kids and any new diagnosis the doctor came in with.
On bad days Emily felt the guilt weigh on her heart more than on the good days. It was always there every day but it felt like she was possessed with it on the bad days. Most of the time she would leave his room and find any empty restroom to lock herself in and cry. The tears were for him. For what he now has to live with and now live without.
They were also for their children. She had to sit on the phone listening to them cry just wanting to see them. Gracie cried herself to sleep many time in the past two week and it ate Emily alive. He still didn't want to see anyone and she respected his wishes. It was the least she could do.
Her tears were never for herself. She wouldn't pity herself with them. The blame would always be on her and she would have to accept it.
On good days like today he would touch her, kiss her, and love her. And she would do the same for him. They would joke and play around all day. Those days he would talk to Gracie and Jack happily instead of her pressuring him into it. Most importantly though on good days he would forgive her. Even though she wouldn't forgive herself she would accept his.
They would be touching all day in some form. Holding hands or she would even slide into the bed with him and he would hold her. She missed that the most. She missed him in her bed at night just holding her running his hands through her hair. She would put her head on his chest and listen to the soft beating of his heart and fell the rise and fall of his breathing. It always made her feel loved.
On good days he smiles. The way his dimples poke out of his cheeks and the way the wrinkles in his forehead fades away always melts her heart. His smile was one of the things she fell in love with first.
Hotch squeezed her hand and pulled at it softly getting her attention. She looked up at him and smiled. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.
"Nothing. What did Gracie say?" she quickly recovered from her musings.
"Not much just talking about school and a birthday party she was invited to. She asked if she could go. Can you call JJ later and make arrangements for her?"
"Of course. Do you want to call Jack?"
Hotch thought for a moment but shook his head. "Not now, I'll call tonight before bed." He smiled.
She felt her knees go weak as she stood up next to him. His eyes looked deep in her and she couldn't help the twinge in her stomach. "What?" she whispered as he stared at her.
He shook his head but pulled her to him. She leaned down and brought her lips to his. The kiss was soft and sweet but as his hand moved to the back of her head he deepened the kiss pushing his tongue in her mouth. A low moan passed through Emily's lips and into his mouth. Her body automatically moved as close as she could get without climbing on the bed.
When they broke apart she smiled as Hotch kissed her cheeks and nose. She cupped his face and kissed him again then pulled back. "I love you"
"I love you too." he said huskily.
"Knock knock, sorry to interrupt but we have a wheelchair for you Mr. Hotchner." His day nurse Maria said wheeling in the chair.
Emily pulled away but held his hand in hers. "Does he get to get in it?"
"Yes ma'am. Since you are doing well sitting up Dr. Marks said to get you moving around so you are allowed to get in to the chair and maybe you can persuade your wife to push you around." Maria started pushing buttons on his bed moving him to a sitting position and taking off any wires holding him back. "Alright now, I can help you or Emily can. You are going to have to use your arms to move your body and legs."
"Emily can help" he said quickly. She walked over and stood at his legs waiting for him to give her instructions. She didn't want to just start moving if he wasn't ready.
Hotch was excited to get out of the bed but he didn't know how to go about doing it. With his arms supporting his body he slid to the edge of the bed. He nodded at Emily to take his legs as he moved one arm to the wheelchair that Maria was holding still. Slowly he slid off the bed and into the chair and Emily moved his legs to the feet steps on the chair. "How do others do this?" he asked the nurse.
"Basically just like that. You will be doing it over and over and soon you won't even need help." She encouraged.
"Okay. Am I allowed to go outside?"
"There is a small garden near the ER if you like or you can just take a spin around the hallways." Maria smiled and left the room.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked standing in front of him.
"Yeah, I need to work out my arms more." He chuckled. "Let's go outside."
Emily let him maneuver his chair out the door and to the garden. The smile plastered on her face never left.
The garden was small but had a pathway around it where the benches were placed for sitting but he didn't want to stop. But after a few laps around the garden he parked himself near the waterfall in the middle. "C'mere" he pulled at Emily's hand.
"What?" She asked standing at his knees.
"Sit with me." He kept pulling at her.
"Aaron I don't want to hurt you. Let's go sit by the bench." She said pointing to the nearest bench.
"Emily, you're not going to hurt me. Sit down. I want to hold you."
Emily finally gave up and moved to his lap. Hotch wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his nose into her neck. Emily turned into him and kissed his cheek. "I love your smile." She traced his lips with her finger.
"I love yours too." he kissed her fingers. "I can't wait to go home."
"I know but Dr. Marks doesn't want to transfer you yet. He said your back needs to heal up more than you can."
"I guess. I just miss Gracie and Jack so much and want to be home with them."
"We will baby, soon okay?" she kissed him softly. She missed the kids too but it was best if he stayed here for now.
"Yeah" he smiled down at her.
They stayed in the garden for a while taking in the sun's rays and enjoying the soft breeze. It was definitely a good day.
