A/N: Buffy the Vampire Slayer actually has its own lingo called "Slayerspeak". I'll use it from time to time because this is the universe they are in. It's all pretty obvious what it means, but might be phrased a little oddly. It's part of what makes Buffy endearing, I think.
The main characters of BtVS call themselves "the Scoobies". If you've watched the tv show Scooby Doo, you'll get the parallel: meddling kids find the bad guys, pretending to be something supernatural like a ghost or a monster. The irony is that while they call themselves the Scoobies, the monsters are real.
Pete is probably the only person Myka feels safe enough to let her guard down. Giles to an extent, but overall, just like in Warehouse 13, Myka is not good at showing her feelings, especially if she thinks it makes her look weak. Although, obviously, Myka left herself emotionally open with HG in WH13, which I think is one of the reasons she felt so hurt and so betrayed at the end of Season 2.
Pete and Cordelia dated in Myka and Pete's junior year. Cordelia was a Senior, so she graduated at the end of that year. There was no "fluke" that caused Pete and Claudia to break up, as Pete had no interest in any of his friends like Xander and Willow did on BtVS.
thoughts are in italics
emphasis on words is in bold.
Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we can live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead." -Angelus Season 2, episode 17 BtVS
...
The punching bag is clear on the other side of the room.
My last clear memory is hitting the bag, hard. It's the first time it flew off the hook.
I'm panting, sweating from the exertion and bend over to put my hand on my thighs. I came to my workout room today, hoping to take my frustrations out on the punching bag and not think of anything at all.
That was an exercise in futility.
The memories of each failed relationships were vivid, as evident by the punching bag against the far wall.
Before he talks, I hear Pete come into the room. I'd know his footsteps anywhere.
"I'd hate to see the other guy. Or vamp."
"What do you want, Pete?" I glance at him, the sweaty few unruly curls which refuse to stay despite my attempt to tightly pin my hair back.
Pete shrugs. "I came in to check on my best friend."
I straighten my body, blatantly ignoring his gaze. Instead I do some stretching, silently avoiding the topic I feel guilty about; namely how I treated Pete yesterday.
I irritably shove the stray curls away and eye Pete who suddenly seems to have come to a decision. The next thing I know he's standing in front of me in a fighting stance.
"Pete," I droll. "What are you doing?"
"Okay, Mykes, here's the deal: If I beat you, you talk to me. If you beat me, I go away and you can finish destroying the punching bag instead of dealing with..." he gestures in some vague way towards me, "whatever is going on."
I scowl, aware it will only take one hit to bring him down. I also am aware Pete knows it too. I can't decide whether to be angry and annoyed with him or strangely enough, grateful he is pushing me to talk.
Pete sees my indecision and goats me. "Come on, Myka. Unless you're afraid of the big, bad Petester." He grins and makes some sort of ridiculous punches in the air.
I scoff, "As if." and settle into a fighting stance. "All right, big bad Pete, let's see if you can defeat the Slayer."
"Okay, Slayer, get ready to have your ass handed to you."
"Wait a sec." I hold up my hands and step back. "I think we should establish some ground rules." I really should give him some sort of chance, plus I don't want to hurt him.
"Okay." Pete relaxes his stance. "Like what?"
"Well, defeat doesn't mean 'knocking someone out'. Whoever knocks the other one on the mat first wins. No kicking a man when he's down." I nod decisively. Then realizing my use of pronouns I correct quickly, "Er, I mean no kicking a person when they're down." I grimace at my words but Pete just chuckles good-naturedly.
Pete shifts into a fighting stance again. "Okay, Slayer, show me what you got."
I almost laugh at his ridiculous line. Pete suddenly charges, which I side step easily and watch him tumble onto the mat. He sits up, his hair slightly tousled and pouts. Pete looks like such a little boy who was denied his ice cream cone, I can't help but feel my mood lighten a bit at the sight.
"Hey!" Pete protests. "Okay, since I'm a mere human, I get another chance."
I roll my eyes at his need to change the rules but give in. "Fine. We'll go again."
Pete starts to stand but grimaces. "Jeez, Mykes, I think I twisted my ankle."
Oh, God!
I run over in a panic. "Oh my gosh, Pete. I'm so sorry!" As I squat down to take a look, he suddenly pushes me and I fall backwards onto the mat.
"Yes!" Pete yells. He jumps up and does a little dance. "Who's the man? Who's the man? That's right; Pete's the man!" He crows, while I just look at him in disbelief. "I defeated the big bad Slayer!"
I jump up, now angry my best friend tricking me. "Pete! You cheated!"
"Nun uh," He actually sticks his tongue out at me.
"Yes you did!" I get in his face. "You so did, Pete!"
Pete gives me a faux innocent look. "You said whoever knocks the other one down on the mat first wins. You never said HOW we could do that. So technically I did not cheat. You're just mad," Pete pokes me in the chest, "because you were fooled."
I glare at him, huffing and puffing in anger. Damn him. Pete is right. This man child tricked me and I fell for it.
I turn and stomp over to grab a fresh towel. "Goddammit, Pete. I am mad because I thought you were seriously injured. That I hurt you." And to my annoyance I choke a bit on those last words, fighting tears.
I hear Pete come up behind me, and he lays his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, hey, hey, Mykes. I didn't mean to upset you. But let's face it; not to give your ego a boost or anything, there was no way I would've beat you otherwise. You're way too strong and good to lose to me. Besides, my fighting skills...well...they could use a little fine tuning, you could say." He gently squeezes my shoulder, quickly amending, "Not that my fighting skills are BAD or anything..."
I nod, releasing something between a laugh and a sob and then turn around. I don't know what he sees on my face but suddenly I'm tugged into a Pete-hug.
"Yeah, your fighting skills do suck," I mumble into his shoulder.
"Hey! I said not that great, not suck!"
I smile, feeling much better and release the embrace. "You know, I can always work with you to improve your fighting skills."
"Maybe." Then Pete becomes serious and says, "Now a deal is a deal. I expect some verbage on what's going on with you."
"Okay, okay," I sigh. I suddenly feel drained, emotionally and physically. We plop down onto the mat and I throw the towel uncharacteristically over to the side instead of tossing into the small laundry basket behind me.
I spot the boxing bag in the distance, mentally filling away the need to retrieve it. I can feel Pete's eyes on me as I hesitate, and I guess he's now tired of waiting as he nudges my shoulder.
"I'm not gonna go anywhere 'til you talk, Mykes."
I break off my stare at the boxing bag and shift into a cross legged position. Despite facing him, I refuse to look up. "I don't know, Pete. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Okay before this goes any further, I feel the need to mention there is nothing wrong with you, Myka."
I glance up and can see his sincerity, but then he ruins it by shifting into teasing mode. "Except for your eating habits."
"My eating habits?!" Pete has my full attention now at this ridiculous statement.
"Yeah, this obsession with no sugar...except for your secret stash of Twizzlers, and when you are upset like yesterday, bestie. One of these days, you and I are having a discussion of changing this pattern. Denying yourself my mom's freshly baked cookies and cakes is a sin, Myka, pure sin," Pete replies with a firm nod of his head.
I roll my eyes. He's such a big goof, but I wouldn't want him any other way.
"Pete, I eat your pancakes, you know," I retort.
"Yeah, but that's to make you feel better. Wouldn't it be great to have sweet goodness on a regular basis?"
"Pete, I am not beating up the punching bag because of my sugar intake!" I rub the back of my neck, feeling frustrated. "Look, I just...just...don't understand...things..."
"Pretty cryptic there, Mykes. Give me specifics."
I sigh heavily. "I don't understand why I can't be happy with Sam, I guess. I mean out of all of my romantic relationships, this is my most quote unquote normal. He is always there..." I say, pensively. "Shouldn't that be enough? Shouldn't I be satisfied, and I don't know...pleased about this?"
"You aren't though," Pete states more than asks.
I laugh derisively. "No, I'm not. I'm really not."
"Myka, I've known you for three years, and was there when you were Called. You save the world everyday. I know I'll never get what you go through, but sometimes you'll give me a glimpse of what you do, and I'm just amazed at your strength. I couldn't do it, that's for sure. But yeah, I worry. I've seen you so dark and so intense from fighting demons or whatever else the Hellmouth throws at you and I'm scared for you. I worry Myka you won't be able to come back from it. The Slayer will just take over.
"We Scoobies try our best to help out. I'm not sure you know this, but all of us know one thing: we know we aren't you, and we know in the end it comes down to you.
"But you know what? I also see my very human best friend; an eighteen year old dorky girl who loves books, spazzes when she doesn't get an 'A' on a test, is scared and excited about college, but is still insecure and really doesn't know what an awesome person she is."
I sniffle at his mini speech, but then he kinda spoils it with his next words.
"But I hate to break it to you, bestie: you're stupid."
"What?! I am not stupid!" I protest. "I am so far from stupid, it's ridiculous. I am on the other side of stupid-"
"Myka! Calm down!" Pete interrupts. "I didn't mean intellectually. We all know you're like a total genius."
"Oh." I feel better, and slightly mollified. Then it strikes me; I don't know what he means.
"Okay, so why am I stupid?"
Pete grins and puffs out his chest, like he has some sort of insight and is morally superior.
"I mean...stupid emotional wise." I scowl, and he gestures in surrender. "Hey, I'm including myself in this statement."
"You mean, I'm immature?" Not happy with this explanation either.
"Yeah...I guess I do...I don't know. Hey, my immaturity level is way down there, way more down there than yours. I know it sounds weird, me actually being self aware guy. I may not have super powers, but I can see things sometimes you don't. You're my bestie, Myka, I know you better than anybody, and well...I'm here to tell you; you're stupid." He shrugs, unrepentant.
Pete logic is really annoying some days. Unfortunately, he actually can be insightful, even if he takes awhile to get there.
"Okay, so let's say I accept your declaration of my stupidity," I say, deciding to play along, "How, specifically, am I stupid?"
Pete rubs his neck and scratches under his chin. I can tell he's dreading to say what he really means.
"Come on, Pete! Just spit it out already!"
"I said yesterday, and I will say it again: you have to choose, Myka. Let Sam go, or give it your all. It's not fair to you, or him." The glare I give him could melt steel, but he continues, undeterred. "Look, you forget, I was there when you were with Faith the Psycho Slayer and Helena the Mysterious British Vampire With A Soul who really should be called 'No soul Helena because I broke Myka's heart'.
"I remember holding you when you cried over Faith when you had to kill her. I remember how you went on a rampage, going after every demon and going alone into every vampire nest you could find when Helena left. We were all scared you would get hurt or get yourself killed. Remember what Giles had to do?" He finishes.
"Yeah," I reply. "He shot me with the tranquilizer gun and stuck me into that cage in the library! I still haven't completely forgiven him for that."
"Hey, look at the bright side. At least you weren't naked when you woke up."
"True. I don't know how Steve does it some days." I remember Steve's first change on the full moon. He'd been bitten while visiting some family in Canada.
"Yeah, he is so zen. It's hard to believe he goes all Remus Lupin once a month."
"At least we only used the tranquilizer gun on him a couple of times. I'm glad he has a safe place to be during the change since we can't use the library anymore."
Our high school library had a cage which I think was originally used for overstock of books, and reference materials. Later, Giles stored a few of my weapons in there (thank god students at Sunnydale High generally stayed away from the library like the plague).
After Steve changed with every full moon, we used the cage (weapons removed, of course) to hold him until he was human again. God, the things we used that library for...sometimes I wonder how on earth we were able to get away with it all. But then again our Principal was an idiot.
"Me too." Pete takes a deep breath, and turns solemn. "I know what's it's like to get your heartbroken and it sucks." He clears his throat, and drops his gaze to the maze. His next works are so soft I struggle to hear them even with advanced Slayer senses.
"I know how it feels to have someone you love hurt you, and leave you."
I forget about my own problems, and stare at him. Suddenly I realize Pete is not talking about his father; he is talking about Cordelia Chase.
She is the most shallow, vapid cheerleader I ever met. Why he dated her (or really whatever the hell they called it. All they seemed to do was argue and go make out in the janitor's closet) I'll never know. Teenage hormones makes you do crazy things, I guess.
"You were in love with Cordelia?!" I feel bad at this coming out incredulously, but it was hard to stop this initial reaction. He grimaces and nods. "Pete, she treated you like shit. Are you a masochist?"
"Myka, you guys never saw the side I did. Away from everyone she could actually be sweet, and even kind. She gave me a special edition of my favorite superhero comic book! It was hard to find, and I know she paid good money. She appreciated the locket I gave her. In case you didn't notice, she wore it everyday. Cordelia put up with all the teasing from everyone just to be with me!"
I stare at him, not knowing what to say. Finally, I ask, "How come you never told me?"
Pete shrugs. "Would you have believed me? Would you really believe she could be a good person, instead of the person who stole my deaf sister's favorite yellow crayon at the age of six?"
"I'm sorry, Pete." I lightly squeeze his knee. "I knew you were hurt, but I had no idea it was that deep."
"How could you? I can be good about hiding how I truly feel, even from you, Myka. Yeah, sure, I'm 'say anything' guy, but there are still a few things I don't want to talk about." Pete blows out a breath and lightens up a little. "That kinda got away from me." He chuckles.
"Anyhow, I had to decide how I wanted deal with it. Mope around and feel hurt or go on with my life, knowing I wasn't responsible for how she broke it off with me.
"I knew we had problems. I should of called it quits before she did, but yeah it hurt. Now I have Amanda. I know you don't really like Amanda, but I love her, Myka."
"Okay..." In the back of my mind, I recollect how I felt after Pete made me go on a roller coaster ride back in high school. I had never been on one, and after that, I decided to never go on one again. This may not be a literal roller coaster, but it sure feels like it.
"She makes me happy. She makes me feel...like I can do anything. I think Amanda's the one, Mykes."
"The one what? As in your going to marry her?!" I think my eyes are popping out of my skull.
"Maybe not this minute, but I like to think someday I will." Pete is wearing a goofy, lovesick grin.
I can't believe I missed this. Oh, wait, I do. I feel guilty for being too absorbed in my own problems to notice my best friend's happiness.
"Pete, wow. I don't know what to say. I'm mean, I'm really happy for you. I've been so distracted by my own stuff, I forget about what's happening with everyone else."
"It's okay, Myka." He shrugs. "All of us have had a lot going on, especially you being the Slayer."
"Yes, but you are my best friend. God, I'm such an idiot. There is no excuse! I should have noticed-"
"Myka!" Pete interrupts my self recriminations, "Really. If it's any consolation, I don't think anybody else realizes, not even Claudia or my mom."
It's not really a consolation, but I'll let it go, and make a mental note to hang out more with my best friend, and all of the Scoobies. It suddenly hits me how much I miss my friends.
"My point is," he gives me a fixed stare, "Sam is not your 'Amanda'. I knew it when you started dating him."
What the hell!
"Why didn't you say something?!"
"Would you have listened, if I said so?" Pete has me there; probably not. "Don't hit me for saying this, but Myka, you can be incredibly stubborn."
I narrow my eyes, not happy with this explanation either. "Fine. I won't hit you, but there better be a point to this, Lattimer."
"There is a point, Mykes. Sam is not your 'Amanda'. I don't know what he is actually. 'Rebound guy'?" Pete laughs.
"I think Faith was your Cordelia," he continues, "and I think...I think Helena is your 'Amanda'. I've never seen you so happy. You guys got each other. You both are total literature nerds: read every book there ever was." I roll my eyes at this one. "And you guys totally memorized every single one. You talk about stuff none of the rest of us got...except maybe Giles. Sometimes you would do it in some foreign language just to piss me off. Don't deny it." Pete waggles his finger at me.
I want to deny this accusation, but I admit, there were times we actually DID do it just to piss Pete off. Not many, granted, but it was fun to get him back for some of the teasing he'd given me over the years.
"Okay, yeah, it's a little weird for a Slayer to fall for a vamp. I'm mean geez! Your official title says you kill vampires. I know how touchy you are about this subject, but you and Helena understand death. She lives in the dark, and so does the Slayer."
"I don't want to be defined my Slayer-ness!" I object, "I want to be more than that, but I feel like I never will be. I don't care what anybody says, the Slayer is the sum of my parts." I feel petulant now. "Nerdy Myka who lives in the sun doesn't exist, Pete."
"Dammit, Myka! Did I not just cover this?!" Pete reaches out, with what I think is his intention is to shake me, but stops. It's not wise to poke a petulant Slayer. "All I'm saying is, Helena gets that side we can't touch. That doesn't mean that is all there is to you."
He sighs, and I can tell he's exasperated with me. "Look, my point is, if there is one thing the last three years has taught me is things are not as black and white as they seem. Hell, my bestie is a Vampire Slayer, and my other friends are a werewolf and a witch. And the kicker is, I'm in love with a 1000 year old ex-vengeance demon. So a Vampire Slayer in love with a vampire? Hey, not so out of the ordinary for life in Sunnydale."
"Yeah, I guess..."
"But to be honest, I wasn't sure how much I could trust Helena at first. It was kinda weird being around a vamp with a soul. But I'm not blind, Myka. The moment we met her, you were gone, bestie. You even had drool on your chin."
I couldn't help myself; I punch him. "Ow!" He holds his shoulder. "Take it easy."
"Pete, first off, I did not hit you that hard. Second...well...there was no drool!"
Pete gives me a look that said he knows better, but relents. "Okay, not actual drool, but you get my point."
"You thought she was hot too!" I protest.
"Just because I didn't trust her, didn't mean that I couldn't appreciate that dark, mysterious, rocking hot bod with an awesome British accent-"
"Pete!" He better not be appreciating Helena! "Get back to your point."
"Right. Look, Mykes, you were so upset and broken from Faith. I remember how hard it was for you after. It took six months before you could even say her name!
"I was worried how you would deal with it when Helena left. Granted, we all knew she was leaving after we stopped Macpherson, but I could tell you were in denial land, Bestie."
I chew on my lip, knowing once again, Pete was right, and silently promise to myself to never tell him. His head will grow to the size of China.
"And I was also worried what would happen if she felt something for you too," Pete adds, "She's 100 plus years old, Myka. I got the impression she'd been a player."
"Did you ever trust her?"
"It was more like I trusted her because I trusted you. And you trusted her, so I did," he confessed. "I may be your best friend, but I know you didn't tell me everything that happened between you two. It was obvious anyways. And then I saw the way she was with you; the way she looked at you, too."
My heart raced. "How did she look at me?" I remember last night's conversation with Giles, and him admitting he could see her feelings for me. So Giles knows, and Pete knows more than I gave him credit for. I must of been a walking billboard.
"She loved you, Myka."
"If she really was in love with me, then why didn't she say something before she left?" I plead. "I don't even know where she's at, Pete. I mean, come on! If she is my 'Amanda', wouldn't she be here? Wouldn't she have stayed in contact with me?"
Pete is silent for a moment. "This is just my guess, but I think she is the type who would be all 'I've done horrible things, and she deserves to be with someone better than me'." He says that last part in a horrible British accent, but it earns him a half chuckle, half sob from me.
"That's stupid."
Pete chuckles. "Yeah it is. Guess you can be stupid at any age. I've actually been thinking about it lately...you know maybe we should try again to look for her."
I wipe my face, and say, "I feel like a stalker if I do that. Besides, Claudia probably broke every rule in the book looking up things on the computer, not finding anything. I was worried the FBI was going to show up any minute."
Pete laughs, and says, "Claudia is too good to be caught."
"Well, if she is so good, how come she couldn't find a trace of Helena?"
"She's a vampire, Myka. She's basically been hiding her entire undead life." He rolls his eyes at me and I can see the universal 'Duh!' on his face. "Besides, if someone doesn't really want to be found, the odds are you probably won't find them."
"Yeah, I guess," I sulk, and he tugs me into a hug.
"At least, let's try one more time. If we actually find her, and she doesn't want to do anything, at least you'll know for sure. If not, you can both go back to being stupid."
I leave his embrace, and laugh. "When did you become so perceptive?"
"Hey! I've always been perceptive guy."
"Yeah, well, okay. Then extra perceptive," I say.
Pete shrugs. "Being in love with a 1000 year old vengeance demon does that to a guy."
"I think it's more than that. You've been going a lot through too. One of these days we are going to have a conversation over chocolate chip pancakes," I promise.
Suddenly, he brightens and exclaims, "Hey, I just realized I have some big news to tell you!"
"What is it?" I can't help but smile as his excitement.
"I'm moving out of my house. And guess where I'm moving to?"
I don't want to play the guessing game. "Pete..."
"In here!"
"You moving into my workout room?"
"No, no. I'm moving in the attic above the The Magic Box."
I raise my eyebrows. "So you're moving from the basement of your mom's house to the attic of Giles's store? And this is better because..."
"Hey, don't mock the room. Have you even been up there?"
"Well, no," I admit.
"It's actually larger than you'd expect. I'm pretty sure it was where Mr. Bogarty lived when he owned The Magic Box. Well, when he was alive that is. There are two small rooms, and it looks like I can have a microwave and small fridge up there."
"Small fridge? You'll have to run to the store every day. There's no way that fridge can hold enough food for you to survive even 24 hours," I tease.
"There's such a thing as fast food, Myka," he declares.
"Pete, I am not going to let you live on unhealthy fast food, like a McDonald's hamburger."
"Hey!" Pete whines, "I love Big Macs. Besides, Mom said I can come to dinner whenever I want."
"Which will be every night."
"No, not every night. Sometimes a guy needs his space, if you know what I mean." He wiggles his eyebrows at me, so I hit him.
"Pete! That's gross. I do not want to hear about you and Amanda...doing...stuff." I scrunch up my face in disgust, and he laughs. "Besides, we hear enough from the mouth of your girlfriend. I don't need to go to a scary visual place anymore!"
"Okay, okay. I will cease and desist."
"Thank you. So how did you get this fantastic new room?" I ask.
"Giles called me up last night, and offered it to me."
"Really?" This surprises me.
"I know! Crazy, right?" His expression is one of childlike wonder, and despite everything, I realize how innocent Pete can still be.
"I wonder why he offered it to you right now? Don't get me wrong. I mean, I think it's great and all. I'm just curious how it came up out of the blue?"
"I don't know," he replies, "I wondered myself after we talked. I was so excited when he offered, I didn't ask."
"So did you come to any conclusions?"
Pete scratches his hair, and furrows his brow. "There's only one thing I can think of. Last June, when we were setting up this room, we actually had a nice chat. It was kinda weird talking to Giles about more than just Scooby stuff, or him being annoyed with me about getting food on his books or something like that.
"I can't remember how it started but I said something about wishing I had a place of my own, but didn't have the money. Giles talked about him being all Ripper when he was our age. And yeah, it's still weird to think Giles had a wild side, right? He said how glad he was to get away from living with his parents, and admitted wanting to have a pad so he could have girls over."
Pete laughs, but I on the other hand am disgusted.
"God, Pete! Just stop! I really, really, really, don't want to think of Giles and...and.."
"His harem of women?" Pete supplied, and I hit him once more.
"Pete, if you don't want to want to join the boxing bag over there by way of my foot, you will stop."
Pete grins. "He made me promise to not tell you this conversation occurred."
"I will never in a million years bring up this conversation!" I shudder, and mummer, "God, now I want to bleach my brain."
"At any rate, that's the only thing I can think of," he concludes.
I'm still really curious but nix the idea of asking Giles about it. I don't want to get my best friend in trouble. Yet, I wonder how he can afford it with his finances. I feel awkward about bringing it up, and it must show on my face.
"It's okay, Myka. He said it was super cheap rent, and mumbled something about me being there all the time, and would help protect the store so I deserve it. But I think he just made that up because he knew I didn't have the money."
Pete looks a little morose now, so I rush to reassure. "No, No, Pete, Giles doesn't think of you as some charity case or loser. He will probably make you work your ass off in helping with the store."
"Yeah!" His expression clears, and I'm happy to see the relief on his face. "I can already tell I'll be Mr. Fix it man."
I hug Pete warmly. He deserves this. "I'm really happy for you, Pete." As I pull back, I say, "I'm sorry how I treated you yesterday. I just...well, there was no excuse."
"It's fine, Myka. Just please think about what I said."
"I will. Things have been getting worse with Sam," I admit. "We had a big argument last night. Look, I have a lot to process before I actually do something permanent." I could see him start to protest, so I add, "But thanks for the push I needed." I smile. "I'll talk to him tonight about taking a break, and we can go from there." I nod decisively, secretly hoping I don't wimp out.
"Okay. Let me know if you need anything; some chocolate chip pancakes maybe."
"Thanks, Pete. I will." I hear the door behind me open, and I turn only to see the object of my frustration standing in the doorway.
The moment I look at Sam, I know the truth, and I feel lighter than I have in a long time.
Neither of us will ever want or be what the other needs.
It's time to let Sam go.
