2187, Citadel Wards, Apartment Complex
*NEW RESIDENT IDENTIFIED*
*WELCOME, FOX SHEPARD*
The sliding doors slowly opened as the building VI spoke in its usual monotone voice, and I entered my new home. The apartment Anderson left me was a surprisingly modern (And by that, I mean 2016 modern) apartment, that looked like it belonged to some kind of movie star. "Whose dick did Anderson fellate to get this awesome fucking house?!" I said out loud.
*12 ALLIANCE OFFICIALS, AND ONE JANITOR*
"Umm… Any females?" I asked, nervously.
*OUT OF THE 13… 6 HAVE BEEN REGISTERED AS FEMALE*
"Jesus Christ, Anderson…" I slowly walked into what I thought was to be the kitchen, immediately raided the fridge. I was starving, and I wanted to keep my person on the down-low, at least until I rejoined the crew. After eating nearly everything I could find, I sat down on the couch, and contacted Hackett. "Hackett, any news so far?"
"Shepard, you called just in time. I've got something that you may like."
"Really?! Is it Tali?!" I stood up too fast, and banged my shin on a nearby coffee table.
"Calm down. It isn't Ms. Zorah, but it is someone from the crew of the Normandy; Joker."
"Really? What's he doing?"
"Well, the higher ups decided that after everything they've gone through; destroying the Reapers, getting through your "death", escaping the uncharted planet they were stranded on, and such, the crew of the Normandy deserved some rest. So, the ship's entire crew were sent to serve a mandatory Shore Leave. And, thanks to some news reporters and people on Instagram- "
"Hold on," I interrupted. "Instagram's still a thing?"
"Yes, but the name was officially changed to "Exchange-o-Gram". But everyone still calls it Instagram."
"…Huh."
"Yes, anyways, thanks to some leads, I found out that Joker is actually out on a dinner date with EDI at the Ryuusei sushi restaurant in the Upper Wards. I've gotten you VIP access to get inside, so you might want to get on that."
"Thanks, Hackett. Once I'm done with everything, I'll make you lunch."
"Sounds nice. Good luck, Shepard." He ended communications. So, after locating the main bathroom, took a quick shower, and cleaned myself up a bit, I headed over towards the Upper Wards.
The Upper Wards of the Citadel have been known for its high-stakes gambling, overabundance of alcoholic beverages, and arcade. Anytime someone wanted to have a good time, the Upper Wards were the place to go, Daddy-O. Anyway, after taking in the view, I walked up to the Ryuusei entrance. The Bouncer in front of the entrance stopped me.
"Excuse me, sir. You're gonna need to wait in the line." He gestured to the ginormous line next to me. I activated my omni-tool, and pulled up the VIP pass Hackett had sent to me. The Bouncer looked the pass over. "Your good, have a nice diner, sir." I walked into the restaurant, the numerous groans of the people in the line filled the air. After looking around for a bit, I final spotted Joker and EDI in the back of the room. I walked over towards them, but stopped next to a nearby structural beam, so I could listen in on their conversation. I've been gone for over a year, so it'll be nice to see how things are going between the two other love birds on the ship…
"Jeff," EDI began. "I wanted to talk to you about last night." She didn't sound distressed; if anything, she sounded curious.
Joker finished taking a sip of his wine. "Yeah? What's wrong?" He suddenly looked distressed. "Did I do something wrong?!"
"No, Jeff. I simply wanted to ask you about something I detected during the night."
"Oh…" Joker's face got a bit red, and he calmed down. "Well, what is it?"
"Around 4 hours after you fell asleep holding on to me, I detected something jabbing my back." Her saying that with her straight face made it even better.
"O-oh… Well, do you think you know what it was?" His face got even redder.
"I'm not sure, but I believe that it may intrude your room again, so I have installed hidden cameras everywhere in your room." I was trying so hard to hold back my laughter.
"W-wait, what?!" He slammed his palms against the table, and may have broken a finger considering the loud slam of his back against the floor after jumping from the pain: which also happened at the same time that I fell flat on my back, laughing and crying from so much laughing. "Wait a second…" Joker said after EDI slowly helped him up. He definitely broke a finger. "Is that… Shepard!?"
"Shepard?!" EDI said, dropping Joker in the process, and making me laugh harder in the process. Great job, Fox, you just did the one thing you were trying to avoid, and made yourself look like a complete fucking idiot at the same time. For the love of Rem, how you were able to survive two of your own deaths, destroy an entire robot devil army, and save the entire galaxy 3 times, escapes even your own damn mind.
After nearly 10 minutes of loud, annoying laughter, and multiple groups of people leaving the restaurant, I got up from the floor, and gave my attention to the two people who gratefully waited for my laughing fit to end. EDI graciously lent me a hand to get up.
"So, um…" I said, trying to catch my breath. "I'm not dead… Again…"
"NOT DEAD?!" Joker yelled. "You've been gone for almost a year, what the hell!?" I thought he was mad, but soon, he grinned bigger than the night after him and EDI first "spent the night" together. "Christ, it's like Satan himself just keeps you out of Hell for fear of getting overthrown!" He patted me on the shoulder.
"What can I say," I chuckled. "I probably would if I had nothing to do." I brought both of them in close, and I did my usual gag of trying to break Joker's spine under the pretense of giving him a hug. It's always fun to see him try and squeeze his way out of my arms, but this was a sincere hug. I hadn't seen anyone of my friends for, apparently, a year, so I've wanted to hug someone for a while. After I let go, Joker was trying to catch his breath, while EDI just stood there.
"Hehe… Yep," Joker said. "You're Shepard, alright."
"It's good to see you again, Shepard." EDI finally said. I suspect she didn't want to assume right off the bat that I was the actual Shepard, and not just a clone. And she was right;
I wasn't the clone.
Chapter 3: End
