Q: What is Hanna's Instagram, by the way? ;) - Subway20
A: Hmm... 2Hot2Hanna, maybe? :)
Paige was doing her best to keep her eyes off of the back of Hanna's skirt as she walked several steps behind her new, unexpected best friend. It wasn't working. Her eyes kept drifting back down there, captivated by the skirt's easy, breezy motion, flapping up and down slightly - the result of a gentle wind as well as of the gentle swishing of Hanna's hips.
It struck Paige that the skirt was like Hanna herself: Light and airy, uncomplicated, drawing people to herself by the ease of motion. Paige couldn't help grinning. She wasn't sure why Hanna had decided to be so chummy with her after the break-up with Emily, but she couldn't deny that she was enjoying their friendship. Perhaps a bit too much, she worried.
"Uh oh, creeper alert," Mona muttered to Hanna, as a peek into the selfie-cam on her phone, which she was using to check her makeup, offered her a glimpse of Paige and her wandering eyes. Hanna knew better than to follow her instincts and whip her head around to investigate. Mona clarified. "Paige McCullers, checking you out from behind."
"Paige McCullers?" That really made Hanna want to turn and look. But she had to keep her cool; no need to tip Mona off to the feelings - whatever they were - that she was finding harder to ignore. "That doesn't sound like her style," she mused.
"Not like the Paige we used to know," Mona pointed out. "The one who was married to Emily Fields." Mona closed the camera and put her phone back into her pocketbook, dabbing at her lipstick as she continued, without missing a beat. "I mean, let's face it: We never really got to know this Paige before - the Paige who's not only out, but also single." Mona put her hand on Hanna's shoulder, slowing to a stop and turning to face her. Hanna smiled and waved as Paige passed them by. Paige dipped her head, only giving the slightest acknowledgment that she had seen Hanna. "Better watch out, Hanna," Mona cautioned. "I know you've made Paige your little social-justice project, but it looks as if the student has developed a little crush on the teacher."
Hanna rolled her eyes. "It's just lust, Mona. Let's not make a big deal out of it. I mean, who wouldn't lust after me in this skirt?"
Mona shook her head pensively. "I don't know, Hanna. Paige doesn't strike me as that type. She might let her eyes wander," Mona asserted, "but she wouldn't blatantly check someone out unless she was interested in more than what you've got going on underneath that skirt."
Hanna bobbed her head, with an approving raise of her eyebrows. "Well, I guess there are worse things that could happen to a girl!" She wrapped her arm around Mona's shoulder and started walking again.
Hanna was doing her best to remain casual, but Mona's words had started her thinking. She was intrigued at the thought that Paige might have started thinking of her that way. And even though she couldn't deny that she was starting to get feelings for Paige, too, she wasn't sure what those feelings were. She and Paige had spent a lot of time together and had gotten to know each other in a way that most other people didn't. There was definitely a strong connection. But was it more than that? It was true that Hanna got excited when she knew that she was going to see Paige, and that she always had fun with Paige. Still, she couldn't say that it was love or like, as opposed to a great friendship.
Hanna's thoughts were interrupted by a thumping on her forehead. "Earth to Hanna? Helloooo... Anybody home?
"I'm sorry, what?" Hanna pleaded, explaining, "I just got distracted for a minute." She stroked her hair away from her face, hoping that Mona would blame the smile that she was wearing on embarrassment over been caught spacing out, and not on her daydreams about Paige.
Paige had gotten used to the way that Hanna bumped her shoulder whenever she came up behind her in the hallway. It was Hanna's new way of saying hello to her. Paige had also gotten used to feeling a smile spread across her lips whenever she felt that bump. This time, Paige noticed, there was a smile on Hanna's face, too. "Hey," Paige said flatly, trying to maintain her cool.
"Hey," Hanna droned, echoing Paige's deep, low rumble and giggling to herself at how much of a jock Paige could be sometimes, with her grunted, monosyllabic replies.
"How's it going?" Paige asked, genuinely interested.
Hanna let out a heavy sigh. "The Fall Formal planning committee started up today," she explained.
Paige smiled. "Yeah?" She was trying to share Hanna's excitement, only, Hanna didn't appear excited.
Hanna nodded. "I always thought I'd be going with Caleb, but now..."
Paige crinkled her nose sympathetically. "Oh, yeah," she said sadly.
Hanna looked up at Paige with a demure half-smile that Paige hadn't seen from her before. It was small and shy; almost vulnerable. Hanna tilted her head to the side. "I..." She closed her mouth and gulped down her fears. "Would you want to go with me?" Her face scrunched up and her voice went squeaky.
Paige, caught off guard, laughed out loud until she saw the wounded look on Hanna's face. "Oh, Hanna, I don't think that would be..."
"As a friend, Paige," Hanna explained urgently, trying to back away from the way she had just thrown it out there. "I don't..." Her voice became soft and pleading. "I don't want to go by myself."
Paige shook her head patiently. "Hanna," she pointed out, "you could go with any guy in school. And, probably with more than half the girls."
"I don't want to go with a guy." Hanna stopped walking, putting her hand on Paige's chest to signal her to stop, too, as she turned to face her. "With guys, there are... expectations. And I don't just want to go with someone. I want to go with a friend." Hanna bit her lip. "I want to go with you."
Paige sighed, running her fingers through her hair. The way that Hanna had said, "friend" reminded her of her "single ladies" pledge. Hanna didn't want to be the only single girl among her friends and their dates. Paige got that. And she had meant it when she told Hanna to call her whenever she needed someone. Still, this was a bit more than she was ready to say yes to.
Hanna's hands wandered down and took hold of the string hanging on either side of Paige's hood, with her eyes following, to avoid Paige's eyes. "Emily's not going to be there," she volunteered, as if reading Paige's thoughts. She looked up at Paige, rolling her eyes. "They thought it would be too much for her girlfriend, so they're doing their own thing."
Hearing that Emily wouldn't be there was a big relief. Paige had wanted to say yes to Hanna, to fulfill her promise, but she wasn't sure that she could handle bumping into Emily at the formal, and seeing her dance the night away with the girl who had tormented her for so many years. "Sure, Hanna." Paige knew that Hanna would know that Emily was the reason for her quick change of heart. "If you're sure that's what you want…"
Hanna curled her fingers into balls and used them to hide the bottom of her face. She nodded slightly. She had known going in that it was going to be hard to summon up the courage to ask Paige to go to the dance with her, but she hadn't anticipated that the butterflies in her stomach would be quite so hyperactive.
Paige shrugged casually. "Okay," and Hanna was able to breathe again. With a slight chuckle, Paige added, dramatically, "The Formal!"
Hanna giggled nervously, still using her hands to hide her expression from Paige. She finally lowered her hands to her sides, unveiling an endearingly shy smile. She could feel the awkwardness building between them, so she playfully poked the books that Paige was carrying, knocking them out of her arms and them onto the floor as she dashed away. She turned back with a smile, halfway down the hall, to watch as Paige, also smiling, stooped down to retrieve her things.
"Hanna!" Ashley Marin called from the front door, "You have a visitor!"
"Thanks, Mom," Hanna replied through her closed bedroom door. "Could you send her up please?" Aria was a little early, but Hanna understood that she must have been eager to get started on their shopping trip.
When Hanna heard footsteps dashing up the stairs, she opened her door to greet her and let her know that she hadn't started getting ready yet. "Hey, Ar…" Seeing who it was, Hanna gasped. "Paige!" She immediately shut the door again. "What are you doing here?"
Paige's head reeled, partly in shock, and partly in self-protection as the door was quickly slammed in her face.
"Hanna?"
"I don't have any makeup on!"
Paige tilted her head in surprise at that excuse. "I've seen you without makeup before!" she pointed out. She breathed out a frustrated puff of air, adding, in a whisper too low for Hanna to hear, "And you've seen my boobs."
Hanna, realizing what a crazy woman she must've seemed, opened the door just wide enough to pop her head out and flash two fingers. "Two minutes," she mouthed, though no words came out. She flashed Paige a nervous smile that, she hoped, didn't seem too psychotic.
Paige rocked back and forth on her heels in the hallway, facing Hanna's closed door. She ran her fingers through her hair. When she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, she turned to give a shy smile and wave to Hanna's mother. Ashley waved back and gave her a sympathetic shrug of the shoulders.
Inside her bedroom, Hanna was pacing back and forth between her bed and her makeup mirror, trying to come up with a strategy. She stopped, put her hand on her heart, and tried to catch her breath. The clock was ticking. She couldn't let Paige see her looking the way she did.
She took a look around the room. It was useless. She grabbed twin fistfuls of her hair in frustration. She had heard of people who could get their hair and makeup together in two minutes, but she struggled to believe that those people actually existed. She put her hands on her hips and sighed. She ultimately decided that she had time to do three things: Put on a bit of lipstick and blush, cover her hair with an LA Lakers cap, and pull the curtains closed to darken the room a bit. No need to shine a spotlight on her shortcomings.
Hanna opened the door slowly, half-hiding behind it out of embarrassment at how she had behaved. "Sorry," she said with a nervous giggle. She grabbed Paige by the wrist and pulled her inside the room.
"No, I'm sorry." Paige dipped her head. "I should've called first."
"Don't be silly!" Hanna was trying to act casual, but she could tell that she was being weird. "You don't have to call first." I wake up looking like this...
Hanna followed Paige's eyes, which were taking a quick survey of the room. Hanna's eyes went wide as she saw a bra that she hadn't put in the hamper lying on the floor, off in the corner. She quickly grabbed Paige's arm and pulled her onto the bed, hoping that she had caught her in time to keep her from noticing. "So, what brings you by?"
"I… um…." Paige was a little overwhelmed by everything, and somewhat surprised that Hanna didn't know why she had come. She felt an unexpected fluttering in her stomach. She had no reason to feel nervous; this certainly wasn't the first time that she had found herself sitting so close to an attractive straight girl, alone on a bed, behind closed doors. And, of course, she had grown accustomed to spending time on her own bed, sitting or lying next to Hanna on their study nights. But something was different. Hanna was being weird, and it was making Paige feel weird. "Umm… Did Spencer give you something for me?"
"Oh, right! Right, right, right…" Hanna chuckled, bopping her forehead with her palm. "I'm such an airhead!" She picked her backpack off of the floor and started rifling through her notebooks, trying to find the sheet of paper with the homework assignment for AP Physics that Paige had missed because of swim practice.
"Sorry," Paige said, seeing all the effort that Hanna was going through. "I don't know why she couldn't just text it to me…"
"Yeah, right?" Hanna looked up and smiled apologetically, not letting on that she was the one who had suggested that Spencer leave the homework with her, rather than text it to Paige. "I guess she was worried that she might type something in wrong," she said, offering the excuse that she had given Spencer, "or that, if she sent you a pic, it might not be clear enough to read," she added, giving Paige the rebuttal she had used to when Spencer said that she would just take a picture of the assignment and text it to Paige. "Anyway…" Hanna produced the document with a flourish. Paige accepted it gratefully.
"Well, I…" Paige stood awkwardly and cleared her throat. "I guess I should let you get back to…" Paige tapped her foot, not knowing what she was letting Hanna get back to, or why she was feeling so awkward - or why everything felt so awkward. "… I guess I'd better get going on this," she said, holding up the assignment again.
Hanna, still seated, nodded and smiled. As Paige turned to go, Hanna stood up. "I'll walk you out," she said. Hanna reached out her hands, to put them on Paige's shoulders, but pulled them back quickly, suddenly uncomfortable with what would have been an easy thing for her to do only a week or so before. She clasped her hands behind her back instead.
Paige, oblivious to Hanna's inner turmoil that had been playing out behind her back, stopped and gestured for Hanna to lead the way. "After you."
As they headed to the front door, Paige apologized again for having taken Hanna by surprise. "It's fine, really, Paige," Hanna assured her. "I needed to get ready anyway." Paige raised her right eyebrow, wordlessly asking what Hanna needed to get ready for. "Aria's coming over in a bit, and we're going to go look at floral arrangements." For some reason, Hanna kind of wanted Paige to know that it was Aria whom she was expecting, and not a boy. "For the formal," she blurted out, as if that would make her story seem more plausible.
"Oh. Well, that sounds like…" Paige paused for dramatic effect. "Torture," she concluded.
Hanna gave her a light slap on the shoulder before she hugged her good-bye. "I'll see you in school tomorrow, okay?" Paige smiled and nodded as she waved good-bye.
"What would you think," Hanna began, holding Mona's little finger with one hand as she applied polish to its nail with the other, "about me dating a girl?" Hanna was trying her best to make it sound as if it were no big deal.
Hanna had told Aria and Spencer that she and Paige were going to the formal together, of course, and they didn't think anything of it. They knew that Hanna and Paige had become good friends, and that they were both single. It made sense that they would go together rather than go alone. But Hanna wasn't ready to talk to them about the feelings that she was developing for Paige. They knew Paige too well. They knew Emily too well, too. Hanna didn't want to be analyzed and advised. She just wanted a sounding board to help her figure things out.
"A girl?" Mona parroted. Hanna casually shrugged a shoulder. Mona shot her a knowing smirk. "You mean Paige."
Hanna sighed heavily, putting the cap back on the bottle of polish and setting it off to the side. "I guess," she offered noncommittally. She was suddenly unable to look Mona in the eyes.
"OMG, girl! That would just be the ultimate revenge!"
Hanna looked up quizzically. "What do you mean?"
"Dating Paige? I mean, could there be a more devious way to deliver a 'Fuck you!' to Emily?" Mona flipped the bird with one of her freshly manicured fingers as she spoke.
"Jeez..." That thought Hanna hadn't even occurred to Hanna.
"Yeah," Mona gushed. "I mean, people say I'm devious, but this is some next-level shit."
"Mona, I swear, I never even thought about..."
"And don't be surprised if you start getting a little extra attention from Emily's new BFF."
Hanna scoffed. "Believe me, I can handle her!"
"No," Mona said, curling her nails towards her mouth so that she could blow on them, to help them dry. "I mean... attention," she cooed, pursing her lips in mock flirtation.
"I... she... You think she would..."
"Of course, she would!"
"Just because I like a girl?"
"Not just a girl. Paige. Because it's all about fucking with Paige. She's doesn't care about winning the girl. She only cares about making sure that Paige loses. You've seen the little cat-and-mouse game she plays with Emily; cozying up to her whenever Paige is in the picture, keeping her at arm's length when she's not."
"Ooooh!" Hanna's face, now reddening with anger, contorted into a tight ball.
Mona leaned across the bed and stroked Hanna's forearm. She didn't want to get her so worked up, when she was obviously emotional already. "Hey." Hanna glared at her, although Mona wasn't the one she was angry with. "You really have feelings for Paige, don't you?"
Hanna looked away again, with a shrug. "I guess," she answered weakly.
Mona leaned back casually, hoping that it would help Hanna relax. "And that's totally cool," she replied nonchalantly. "I just... it caught me off guard, that's all. I mean, when did this start?"
Hanna sighed heavily. She unfolded her legs, crossing them in front of her, and lay back against the headboard. "I don't know. We've just... we've been spending a lot of time together, and... you know..."
Mona smirked. "Well, you and I spend a lot of time together, too. Don't tell me..."
Hanna rolled her eyes and rumbled an emphatic, "No!" She softened her tone and continued, "I don't know, Mona. I mean, who knows why anyone falls for someone? We're all looking for the same thing – someone to be with us as we go through life, so we don't have to do it alone. But, then, we waste so much time being afraid that the 'someone' isn't enough. Or that we're not enough. Or that someone else will judge us because of the person we choose."
Mona gave Hanna a hug. "You know I won't judge, Hanna."
Hanna nodded against Mona's shoulder. "I know, Mona."
"So." Mona perked up, rubbing Hanna's back as they separated. "Do you think she likes you back?"
Hanna smiled at the prospect, relaxing against the bed again. "I don't know. I mean, weren't you the one who said that she was checking me out that time?"
"Oh, girl, she was so checking you out!"
"You're so lucky to have this nice, big bed," Hanna observed out of the blue. Paige had gotten used to that kind of outburst from Hanna, in the middle of their study sessions.
She and Hanna were facing opposite ends of her king-sized bed; Hanna on her back, with her head propped up on all three of Paige's pillows, and Paige, on her stomach, her head facing the foot of the bed.
"Yeah?" she grunted, not really looking up from her calculus book.
"Yeah," Hanna asserted, setting her magazine down on her lap. "It's so big and roomy. I could spread my entire portfolio out on this mattress and take the whole thing in all at once!" Paige chuckled that that was Hanna's reason for loving a big bed. "I can't believe Nick McCheapskate would buy you a king-sized bed."
"McCheapskate?" Paige said with a laugh.
"Let's face it, girl! Your dad tends to be a little... careful with his money."
"I guess," Paige said, turning over to her side so that she could see Hanna, "but this is actually my parents' old bed. My Dad decided they needed an upgrade, so he gave me the leftovers. Story of my life, I guess," she concluded with a shrug.
Paige was referring to the way that she always got her parents' hand-me-downs, whenever Nick McCullers decided that he wanted something newer, bigger, or fancier. To Hanna, though, it sounded as if Paige was getting depressed over the way that she always came in second place in life – in particular, Hanna assumed, when it came to Emily. She didn't want Paige to wallow, so she decided to talk about something else.
"So, when can we go shopping?"
"Shopping?"
Hanna sat up, folding her legs in front of her. She brushed her hair away from her forehead. "Yeah. The formal's only a couple of weeks away, you know."
"Really?" Paige sat up, too, because it was uncomfortable leaning on her elbow the way she had been. "And you want to dress me up again?"
"Oh, no, Paige! But part of the fun of going out is shopping together, you know – choosing an outfit."
Paige chuckled dismissively. "Did you do that with Caleb?"
"Well, no… but… I... just... thought it would be different, going out with a girl." Hanna gave a sweet, apologetic smile for her assumption.
Paige rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine, Hanna."
"You already have something picked out?" Paige nodded. "What?"
Paige shook her head. "Oh, I don't know. I was going to throw on a pair of faded jeans, a white t-shirt with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve, and a red jacket."
"Ha ha," Hanna droned mockingly. "How very 'Rebel Without a Cause' of you."
"Wow – How did you get that reference?"
Hanna rolled her eyes, answering in a tone that made it seem that the answer were painfully obvious. "I'm a fashion genius, Paige, remember? And James Dean's look in that movie is iconic!"
Paige nodded in understanding. "Okay... I won't underestimate you again," she said. "But don't underestimate me, either; I know how to dress myself."
"I know you do!" Hanna had seen Paige get all dressed up for her dates with Emily. "But it's not about that. It's about looking at clothes together. Trying out new looks together." Hanna pouted pitifully. "You really won't let me take you shopping?"
Paige let out a sigh. She really couldn't think of anything that she was less interested in doing. Then again, Hanna had a way of making things fun. "I… I don't really think…" Hanna tilted her head to the side, her eyes pleading. "How about if I go shopping with you – help you pick something out?"
Hanna shoved Paige's shoulder, almost knocking her off of the bed. "You can't see my outfit before the formal!" she screeched, without a hint of irony. "Where's the mystery in that?"
A/N: The scene where Hanna asks Paige to the formal is based on a scene from the movie that inspired me to write this fic, "ToY." I posted a (slightly NSFW) clip to YouTube (T0lEof15GOU), in case anyone's interested. (By the way, I also posted the scene that inspired the bit of business with the cake in chapter 2... zkOH8FJ3OBQ).
Thanks for reading! :)
