~ Denial ~
Naruto knew all about Sasuke's infamous Uchiha pride. And he knew that after what had happened between the two of them, the chances of them continuing to live and be friends as if nothing had changed, were nonexistent.
But he couldn't bring himself to turn and call out to Sasuke.
The lack of response only hardened the Uchiha's resolve. Still glaring (Now at the world in general) he spun on his heel, stalking away.
He didn't bother to wipe the blood that was now congealing on his chin.
Didn't bother to gingerly touch the bruise that was forming on proud cheekbones.
He simply strode away, a sense of desolation washing through him.
It was still Naruto's fault.
CHAPTER FOUR:
He'd been right. The next morning, Naruto gingerly poked the bruises littering his arms, wincing at the pain. There was no way he could go to school looking like this, he decided with just a fraction of his usual cheekiness.
Ever since yesterday, Naruto had been silent, barely talking to his guardian, Iruka, and ignoring his cell phone, which rang constantly with calls from Kiba. He'd barely touched his food the night before, despite not having eaten all day.
Iruka had already left for work, so Naruto was left to slowly make his way to the kitchen. Like yesterday, he slumped down in the middle of the room, however this time it was simply from a bad night's sleep and the fact that there was still no miso ramen for his breakfast.
~x~
Sasuke blinked, dazedly at his alarm clock.
It rung again, and without thinking, he simply pushed it from its perch by his bed, watching in near slow motion as it fell, before the resounding crack of glass heralded that he had finally broken the clocks little glass frame.
He blinked blearily at it again, not moving.
Itachi had left for work already.
But the scent of warm coffee that drifted from downstairs told him that his brother had left him some.
Probably sensed something was wrong when Sasuke hadn't turned up for dinner.
He had exiled himself to his room, locked the doors, and taken himself to bed.
It didn't matter that he hadn't eaten since that morning.
Didn't matter that he was still wearing his crumpled, battered uniform.
In fact, he was quite certain nothing mattered anymore, and he would be content to simply shrivel up in his warm bed, and sleep.
What did he have to look forward to at school?
Nothing.
What did he have to look forward to when he passed through the mall, or walked through the town?
Was there anything to look out for anymore? Like the tell-tale screams of poor civilians, or a flash of blonde and a cheeky laugh, echoing down an alley way, as Naruto Uzumaki fled his latest crime scene?
No.
There was nothing to look out for.
Nothing to get him out of bed, down the stairs, and all the way to school.
So with that, the Uchiha closed now black and red rimmed eyes, willing sleep, and darkness to take him.
And wishing that the ever present dobe-blue sky would let darkness swallow it up, too.
~x~
It was a very slow day. By lunchtime, Naruto had simply stayed in his room, without the energy or drive to change out of yesterday's school uniform, get a drink of water, or even kick off his shoes.
His thoughts moved slowly, jumping from one topic to another, completely random and detached from reality. He thought of Sasuke, of school, of graffiti-covered trees, back to Sasuke, Sasuke's words, Sasuke's actions, his own actions, his own words... and once again to Sasuke.
Naruto had never realised how much he thought about Sasuke.
Never realised how much he wanted to speak with Sasuke.
Never realised how much he relied on having Sasuke there.
But... could he deal with... this?
Could he stand to look at Sasuke again, knowing how the Uchiha felt?
He had to. He couldn't imagine, didn't want to imagine a life without his best friend and brother.
He didn't know what he'd do.
But for now he had to get to Sasuke.
Making up his mind impulsively, Naruto forced himself up and out of the house, thinking that maybe Sasuke would still be at his house- everything considered, he highly doubted the Uchiha could face school. He knew he himself couldn't.
Leaving everything behind, including his phone and wallet, Naruto walked almost purposefully out of the front door and to the left, feet automatically taking him towards the Uchiha mansion.
He'd been there often enough, after all.
As he walked, he searched for the dark figure of his best friend, but he was no where to be found as the blonde boy made his way closer and closer to the mansion.
Elegant fingers traced random patterns in the woodwork of the large, rather lonely mahogany table.
The dark haired boys only companion was a small, white mug, and the dark, cold liquid he was swilling inside it. His eyes were dull, and he seemed nearly lifeless.
Felt, nearly lifeless.
In fact, that was probably an overstatement. At that minute, he felt nothing at all, accept and coldness that was slowly claiming him inside.
What would he do now, without….
He could barely think the boys name without flinching.
And that very thought made his brows furrow, the cold melting away to leave something far worse; anger, boiling through him like lava, and making him feel like a volcano ready to erupt.
He had let himself rely far too much on one person; made that one person his reason to get out of bed each morning.
And now... Now Naruto probably wanted nothing to do with him.
He lifted the cup to his lips, taking a painstakingly slow sip of the cold, bitter liquid.
The sourness thankfully washed all other tastes... and memories… from his mouth.
But not his mind.
With a growl, he slammed the cup back down, ignoring the small 'Chink!' as cracks appeared in the cheap china, and dark, black coffee leaked through, spreading across the table like the blood from some horrible beast.
Sasuke stood, briskly stalking away and pulling a hoodie on, before stepping out into the cool air, that nipped at his cheeks and whistled through branches.
Leaves swirled helplessly in its grasp, torn from their trees and sent on a perilous journey out, into the grey, dreary looking streets.
And it was out an imperious looking front gate that Sasuke stepped, into these very streets; all he wanted to do was forget.
Forget himself, and forget what he'd done.
"Teme," greeted Naruto blankly, the insult lacking the cheekiness or fondness it usually held. That was basically how he felt- he didn't know what he was meant to feel, and even if he tried to identify the emotions rolling around in him, he was woefully unsuccessful.
Never before had Naruto Uzumaki had trouble identifying his feelings. It was usually very easy; angry, happy, sad, sheepish or cheeky. There really wasn't much else that he felt.
Sasuke froze.
He swallowed slowly, throat feeling like a desert.
Naruto had made it quite clear what he thought of his unnatural, freakish feelings. Made it quite clear that it would go nowhere.
So Sasuke had done what he always did.
He had recoiled from all contact, retracting into himself and leaving the world to deal with the cold, heartless bastard that would become his mask.
But Whenever Naruto was there... Whenever he simply spoke, feelings flourished again, like flowers, wiggling free of the dry, winter worn ground.
That same peculiar warmth ran through him, sparks shot through his mind, and tingles ran down his palms.
He turned, dull life-less eyes meeting sky-blue.
"What?" he practically whispered, voice hurt, distrusting; With a slight waver at the end.
Naruto shrugged. He didn't know.
"You... you alright?" he said uncertainly. Of course Sasuke wasn't, he could see that in the bags highlighting the paleness of his skin, the agony in his eyes as he stared at Naruto, the pain in his voice. But it was something to say, some way of breaking the ice into what he knew was going to be a very awkward, very painful conversation.
Sasuke gave a grunt, turning his head to stare at the concrete on the other side of street.
It was painful just to look at him.
Just to hear that voice.
He had to repress the urge to hug him, and hold him close, and pretend that everything was all right. Pretend that Naruto hadn't ruined everything by being so irresistible, by having that smile.
But that was just it.
No matter how much that smile, those friendly features, those warm, friendly eyes encouraged him, it was pointless. Because Naruto didn't want him back.
"Oi, teme," Naruto repeated, a bit louder. "I asked you a question."
He frowned, confused and hurt by Sasuke's attitude. He hadn't even replied! Before, as it was now christened, Sasuke-teme would have replied sarcastically and then hit him over the head. Now, he didn't even gain a response.
The blonde took a step to forward, instinctively reaching out to Sasuke to comfort him- before he froze, and, with a bitter expression on his face, dropping his arms and face to the side.
"And I asked you to leave me alone, too. But you can't seem to do that, can you?" came the snarled response, Sasuke flicking his furious gaze upon the blonde. He could already feel his heart speed up, his fists ball up ready to punch that adorable, irresistible face, but lacked the nerve. How could he punch the one friend he'd ever really had? The only person who made him feel truly alive?
"I can't... I can't do this anymore.." the dark haired boy choked out, before burying his face in the crook of his shorter friends shoulder, his body wracked with sobs that refused to be verbalized.
"Te-...Sasuke?" Naruto stammered, arms instinctively coming up and resting around the other boy's torso. He could feel Sasuke's shoulders shaking and knew subconsciously that this was something he would never talk about, no matter what. This was Sasuke in his weakest, most vulnerable state, and Naruto was never going to exploit it. He could feel the tenseness fading from his own shoulders, and he felt a series of emotions which was difficult to describe. Surprised by Sasuke's breakdown. Embarrassed that Sasuke was shaking in his arms. Almost honoured that the person Sasuke showed his weak side to, was him. Trusted, for that same reason.
And somehow, protective of him. He didn't want Sasuke to be so hurt because of him. Didn't want Sasuke hurt, ever.
The shaking however quickly subsided. Being weak had never suited the Uchiha, and after all that had happened he wanted to pull back. To recoil, and spit violent words at Naruto.
And yet, somehow, he couldn't.
And despite the fact that part of him was feeling rather bitter resentment and anger, the majority of his brain was working on keeping his respiratory system working, because he was quite certain he had never been this close to the idiot before – Except when they were sparring.
And that was the very reason he broke free of his shorter friends grip, stumbling back a few steps.
And there he was, at it again. Naruto being so damn irresistible that it had been hard work breaking free of that gentle embrace.
He frowned slightly, unsure of what to say. Unsure of how to react.
"Look, Naru... to, I... uh... what I mean is... that you... I... I think that... uh..."
His voice was muted, almost panicky. What could he say? Was there anything that could come out right?
Naruto had made his opinion on the matter VERY clear yesterday afternoon. So was their really anything that he could say? Anything that could follow up what had happened that almost fateful afternoon?
"What I'm trying to say is... that... I... I love you."
'Wait.'
'WHAAATT?'
His brained froze, his mouth remained motionless after that, but his eyes were wide.
He certainly hadn't meant to say that.
What he was trying to get out of his cruel, unfaithful lips was something along that lines of; 'We can still be friends?' or ' I'd understand if you don't wish to talk to me anymore.'
So how had something so idiotic, so corny, and so... close to what might be the truth slip out?
But that was what scared him the most.
How close to the truth it was.
Naruto stared at Sasuke, shocked beyond comprehension. Sasuke had just confessed to him. All other sounds around him, including the Uchiha's stammers and the wind around him, were overwhelmed by the roaring in his ears. He could actually feel his heartbeat throughout his entire body as it increased in both speed and power, pumping blood through his body. And lastly, he could hear his own breathing, even over the chaos echoing in his head.
"Wha-?!" he breathed almost silently. Then, louder. "What?!"
He'd thought trying to identify his emotions had been hard before. If he'd known how overwhelming this felt, he wouldn't have complained before. His entire body was tingling, shock clouding all other thoughts as adrenaline pumped through his veins. He could feel his hair almost standing on end, all his senses heightened- the wind was so much louder, he was so much louder, Sasuke was so clear in front of him, so there, the wind was so much colder...
But despite that he still felt warm, almost too hot, as if there was a fire burning in his stomach.
And then there were the other emotions competing for attention. Emotions that he couldn't identify.
"I didn't mean that," Sasuke spat harshly, frown becoming more prominent. He was almost scared to speak, to breath, less his own body betrayed him and did something even more embarrassing. He could foresee what would happen; Naruto would once again reject him. And somehow, this time, he doubted he could take it.
"Look, Uzumaki," he muttered, already feeling the tell tale prickling of skin that accompanied a blush.
"I'm just going to keep walking, and pretend none of it happened, alright? And you'd be wise to do that same."
The last part of his statement was something crossed between a threat and a plea.
He quickly side stepped that boy, doing what he did best when faced with difficult social situations; retreat.
This time Naruto wouldn't hesitate, couldn't hesitate, he knew their friendship was over. Sasuke's Uchiha pride would never let him talk to Naruto again after saying that, and Naruto could already feel the desolation, the complete feeling of being alone beginning to overwhelm him, could already see that this would destroy both him and Sasuke. The despair he'd felt since yesterday was nothing compared to what he felt now, this totally overwhelming rush of emotion. He could see the future, desolate and bleak without the steady presence and sarcastic wit, along with the rare laughs and grins, which accompanied the raven-haired boy. Could see himself drowning, losing himself without that constant presence.
"Sasuke!" he cried, spinning around to face the Uchiha's retreating form. "Wait!"
Sasuke didn't stop his fast pace, and simply continued to stride towards the Uchiha mansions imperious gate.
His face was blank, eyes growing dull once more.
What would he do now, without that brilliant smile, those sparkling blue eyes?
Who could he talk to, amuse himself by using large words around?
Who else would be as persistent as Naruto at making him their friend? Who else would manage to bother and taunt and play with the Uchiha enough for him to admit that he... he...
He frowned, pale hand clasping firmly about the gate, so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
He didn't seem to care.
"Good bye, Naruto," he muttered in response, not even bothering to talk to the boy, instead addressing the gate in front of him.
Until he pulled back the large, iron door, and stepped through into the garden, not once looking back.
He couldn't let this happen, not now. Not ever. Sasuke meant too much to Naruto to just let him go.
Finally, Naruto's feet uprooted themselves from the pavement and ran forward, racing after the Uchiha. "Teme! Oi, Sasuke!" he yelled as he flew towards the Uchiha mansion gates, not stopping even when Sasuke ignored him and stepped into the garden.
Naruto's heart was racing, the cold air burning his face and lungs and the roaring sound had returned, but all of Naruto's thoughts were centred on one thing and one thing only; get to Sasuke.
Sasuke spun round, eyes a blaze, suddenly turning from lifeless black pebbles to smouldering coal.
"I told you to leave me alone. Don't you understand that.. that its painful just to look at you?" he lamented, gaze still flicked decidedly over Naruto's left shoulder, refusing to acknowledge his presence.
"Why don't you run off to your precious Sakura, anyway?" he spat, by now feeling particularly envious of the girl.
She had Naruto diligently hanging off her every word, drooling over her shoulder. And she ignored him, instead mooning after the last person who would ever return her affections.
He scowled at the world in general, feeling ridiculous, angry and confused.
Why was he so persistent?
"But I don't-" Naruto hesitated. Was what he was about to say true? Because if it was, then he had a lot of thinking to do, re-examining all his beliefs and thoughts. "I don't like Sakura," he said, no louder than normal speaking tone. "She's pretty, and smart, but I can live without her... I don't even see her that often at school," Naruto murmured to himself. "But I... I can't... I can't live without you..." he stammered, turning his head to face away from the Uchiha. "You were my first friend, my best friend, and if you left now, you'd never speak to me again, I wouldn't see you again... and I... just... can't.... do that." By now Naruto could feel blood rushing to his cheeks, heating up his face even more.
He stood up straight, looked directly at Sasuke's face and said without any hesitations,
"Sasuke Uchiha? I think I like you."
Sasuke froze for what he assumed to be the tenth time that day. Honestly, at almost every turn of the last two days, he had had to take quite a few seconds to pause and digest information.
Right now, however, his brain was having trouble comprehending.
Dark eyes shifted straight into piercing blue.
He was staring into the sky again. That bright, deep, vast sky, that had until yesterday
afternoon, cheered him up.
"You think, eh?" came the husky whisper of a retort, as Sasuke turned, one elegant eyebrow raised in something akin to perplexment.
"You think?" he replied a little louder, a tone almost innocent, hopeful, entering his voice.
He didn't know what to say. Didn't think he could move.
The sheer force of those five words had rooted him to the spot, was still ricocheting through his brain, making him seemingly sway where he stood.
And what if Sasuke didn't care anymore?
Right then, he had been ready (Hell, even eager) to move on. To cut a hasty retreat, and lick his wounds. Count his losses and sulk over them. Never return to the school, so he could avoid the blonde at all costs.
He shuddered, at that.
He would never have made it, for even a day, without knowing that he at least had Naruto's friendship.
And now, the boy was offering him something even more?
Under Sasuke's intense gaze, Naruto had to shift his eyes to the side, a feeling of uncertainty and insecurity washing over him. Had he really just said that?! He didn't know if it was true or not; the only thing he DID know was true was that he couldn't live without Sasuke.
He opened his month, fulling intending to say something, to explain his insecurity and doubt in himself, but one look at the raw hope in Sasuke's eyes stopped him. How could he crush that?
The moment was stretching out forever, and his mouth was still opening, forming words. "You going to let me in?" he finally asked, repeating the words he had said every time he'd come to visit Sasuke without warning. The link back to before, to 'normalcy' made everything seem so much more real, and once again Naruto was stunned by everything that had happened. But still he laughed, for the first time since everything went haywire between Sasuke and him.
Sasuke snorted.
"Only if you promise not to leave marks on the floor - Itachi just cleaned," he retorted, turning on his heel and slinking towards the door. A small smirk had filtered across his features, though one brow was still decidedly sloped down.
What was Naruto thinking? It was hard to tell. It was like trying to read the sky - you never knew when a thundercloud would float past.
Still, somehow, the lack of an affirmative to his question bothered him. It stuck in his mind, a constant reminder that the boy hadn't said 'yes'.
Just that he thought.
Quickly distracting himself, almost shaking hands jabbed a key gingerly into it hole, hearing it click the affirmative - and swing open. He stepped through the old fashioned door, noting the familiar squeak of the hinges. He held back the door, waiting for his... 'friend' to follow.
Considering that he hadn't had breakfast, it came as no surprise that Naruto's first destination was the kitchen. Before Sasuke had had time to even close the door, Naruto was rummaging through the food cupboards as if he owned the place. Moments later, the boy emerged victorious, parading round the kitchen with a packet of instant miso ramen clenched in his hands.
He smiled contentedly and unconsciously as he went through the familiar routines of boiling water and emptying the seasoning packet into the noodles. This felt normal, and if not for the fact that he could feel Sasuke's gaze on him, Naruto could and would probably have easily forgotten everything but the warm aroma beginning to come from his food.
"Excuse the mess, Dobe. And try not to step in it," Sasuke chuckled, as the front door shut behind him and he entered the kitchen.
The beautiful, dark-chocolate coloured wood was still covered in by now icy cold coffee, some of it having dripped onto the clean hard-wood flooring.
With a sigh, Sasuke grabbed some paper towels, dabbing at the dark liquid, taking the moment of near silence (Because it was Naruto making the ramen, of COURSE he would have to scrunch the packets noisily) and think.
So would they simply act as though nothing had happened?
Sasuke scowled.
That wouldn't work. He could not forget how he felt, anymore than Naruto could resist miso.
Besides, with Naruto's half confession still nagging at the corner of his mind, how could he forget?
He threw some thoroughly soggy paper in the bin, before cautiously, as though approaching a wild animal, crept closer to Naruto.
He was now inches from the boys back, and he had to calm his breathing.
"And Dobe..." he murmured, mouth centimetres from the boys bare neck.
"You have to share," the Uchiha purred, and with that disappeared back to his task, innocently dabbing at the table once more.
"Gyaaaah!" Naruto span around, staring at the now-innocently-working Sasuke. "Jeez, Teme, you could've just said." Huffing, Naruto turned back to the cupboards and pulled out another packet of miso, opening that and making it for the Uchiha. As he worked though, the humor of the trick came to him, and he gave a silent laugh and grin.
He kept the smile in place as he bustled around the counters, keeping his face turned away from Sasuke's, completely unconsciously. His mind had clamped down on the recent events, and he refused to think about them.
Denial.
"But I did, Idiot," the taller of the two retorted, finishing his cleaning.
"Would you like me to reiterate?" He smirked once more, and in an instant was right next to Naruto, leaning back against the bench tops. He was so close, he could feel the heat radiating from Naruto; but wasn't quite touching him.
The smirk broadened slightly, as dark eye fixed on the blonde, mentally willing him to turn, but some part of him wishing he wouldn't, as well.
He knew such behaviour would most likely make the boy beside him uncomfortable - The very thought humored him.
But if it didn't?
Well, then it meant something else entirely.
"No need," Naruto muttered under his breath, turning his back on Sasuke and escaping to the dining table with two bowls of ramen in his hands. "Ramen's ready!" he called needlessly, and then grinned as he dumped himself into the chair. "Itadakimasuuu~!" he sang, before splitting open his chopsticks and attacking the noodles.
Sasuke gave a snort, pouting slightly.
Naruto certainly wasn't taking the bait.
With some reluctance, he grabbed a pair of chopsticks, slumping in the chair opposite and picking dully at his food.
This was certainly not getting him anywhere.
What could they talk about?
He paused, inspecting a single noodle, before plucking it from its brethren and swallowing it noiselessly.
What did he and Naruto use to discuss?
Anything and everything, he remembered. Hell, once they'd even had a discussion about a butterfly that had flown past - Naruto had started that one.
With a sigh, he began his own slow siege of his bowl, slowly picking out a noodle and devouring it in a manner of seconds, eyes occasionally flicking from the bowl to the boy across from him.
Of course, this meant that Naruto had finished his bowl, broth and all, before Sasuke had barely stared his. Letting out a huge, contented "Mmmmmmnnnnn~", the boy slumped forward onto the table and grinned, in his typical cheeky manner. "That was niiiiice~" he said, drawing out the syllables. He certainly didn't feel Sasuke's awkwardness and tension, despite the raven-haired boy practically radiating the emotions. Naruto just couldn't be bothered speaking at that moment, simply enjoying the feeling of being full again.
"You're ridiculous, you know that, right?" Sasuke muttered, letting his head tilted to one side as he observed the boy. He was grinning that cute grin, eyes closed in contentment, the smell of miso wafting from him, warm and inviting.
For some obscure reason, Sasuke felt a pang of hunger rip through his stomach, and returned his attention to his ramen, quickly devouring his serving.
But for some strange reason, he didn't feel any more full.
Still, hunger crept through him, and he rested his sharp chin on the palm of his hand, content to observe from a distance; like a tourist amazed by the beauty of some rare monument.
Not bothering to reply, Naruto gave a bark of laughter, eyes still closed. He heard Sasuke finally eating his ramen, but it was only a few minutes later before the blonde opened his eyes. His hair had started prickling and he'd gotten the feeling of being watched.
When he looked up, the first thing Naruto saw was Sasuke's face and dark eyes, simply watching him. Intensely. Immediately, a blush appeared over Naruto's cheeks, and he began stammering nonsense sounds as he looked away. "T-teme..." he managed to stutter, but he didn't know what to say.
Sasuke smirked.
Naruto certainly was cute when he blushed, those big blue eyes fixed on his for a second, before darting away.
"What, Dobe?" he replied in his curt manner, leaning down across the table as well, head resting atop crossed arms, black fringe spilling across his face, and obscuring his vision.
But he didn't mind; he was so close now, and that was all he really wanted.
"Gyaaaahh..." wailed Naruto, not knowing what else to say. He sat up and began to fiddle with his chopsticks, avoiding Sasuke's gaze or figure. He glanced up for a moment, and then dragged his sky-blue eyes from Sasuke's dark ones, filled with contentment but also longing; peace but also pain.
"I dunno...~" he continued, a bright blush still covering his cheeks.
Sasuke had to resist the urge to growl, grab the boys wrists, pin him to the table, and kiss him right there.
And as sorely tempted as he was, he refused to do so, instead propping his head atop one long, elegant palm.
"Still ridiculous," the Uchiha purred out, once again looking decidedly off one of the boys shoulders.
After a couple of the rebuttals, the boy knew when to give up; Naruto would have to show some initiative, or things would once again get dicey. He could practically feel that sort of tension in the air. Like the smell of rain before a storm, in lingered, giving off a foreboding vibe.
Finally, Naruto began to feel some of Sasuke's tenseness and awkwardness, and by now his resignation. He continued fidgeting, now thoroughly uncomfortable. He knew what Sasuke wanted. Needed.
And he knew that he himself needed Sasuke is his future. As far as he could see, the only way he could keep the Uchiha, was through... this.
Which might or might not be truthful on his side.
But... he'd never know if he didn't try, right?
And with that, Naruto braced himself for what could turn out to be either the best thing in his life... or the worst.
"Well, idiot, as lovely as it has been to have you traipse through my house and scoff the dwindling supplies of ramen..." Sasuke hinted, politely, standing and gathering bowls quickly, movements sharp and jerky. He dumped the dishes with a rather unceremonious clatter in the sink, before remaining there, leaning on one palm.
He paused again, flicking a bored gaze over the boy, mentally etching the scene into his mind; it would probably be the last time Naruto entered the house. The last meal they would have together.
Everything about it had a sense of finality; Naruto could either flee now, saving both of them some awkwardness. Or. He could live up to his statement.
And somehow, the Uchiha doubted the later would occur anytime soon. Knowing that unthinking lump of Naruto that he had once called his best friend (though only very quietly, and only to himself) it was one of those thoughtless things he simply blurted out; an unthinking comment to save something both of them held very dearly.
Sasuke felt his eye brow twitch in something that could have been akin to hesitation. A slight thought was gnawing at him, slowly but surely numbing the rest of his mind. Clearing it of everything else. It was slowly creeping through the now deserted plains of his mind, slinking like some predator.
What if he hadn't done anything? What if he had simply not moved, not leant closer when the two had fallen?
What if he had simply kept every single one of those feelings bottle up, like usual?
His throat tightened at the thought. Would their friendship still be like this? This battered, ruined thing, that had obviously seen better days?
And now, the only thoughts that lingered in his mind was.. How could he ever fix it? How could he stop feeling how he felt?
It was hard to screw up enough courage to do, Naruto discovered. He remained hunched over at the table as Sasuke rose, trying and failing to force himself to his feet. He heard Sasuke's voice, saying something the Uchiha had never said to him before; "Get out of the house."
Then he froze up.
What if he'd been wrong?
Maybe Sasuke didn't need him.
Maybe Naruto had already messed up everything.
Maybe it was too late, even if Naruto did try...
A huge wave of disappointment washed over him, and Naruto mumbled something in response to Sasuke as he stumbled up to his feet.
It was obvious from Sasuke's tone of voice that the Uchiha didn't want him there. Probably never wanted to see him again. Ever.
Never before had the hallway from the dining room to the entrance seemed so long. Never before had Naruto realized just how long it took to trudge through that perfect hall, which had beautiful oak panelling and shelves adorned with ornaments.
Never before... and never again.
Sasuke stood back a little, dark eyes scrutinizing his departing company.
"You know Naruto..." he paused, face still blank, unreadable. It was his ultimate defence, the nonchalant neutral expression; It betrayed nothing - No weakness, no pain, no feeling.
His voice has returned to its usual monotone. He sounded bored by the entire event, distant, as though looking down upon the scene and giving commentary.
"After knowing you for so long, I should have been able to see when you were lying, huh? But I guess you fooled me. Good work, Dobe," he hissed, knowing the retreating blonde boy couldn't hear.
He felt foolish. Weak. Pathetic.
He had let himself become so attached to one person, let them rise his hopes... Only to have them brutally crushed.
His brother had warned him about this kind of thing.
One afternoon, not long after 'the incident', Itachi had sat his smaller brother down, a hand placed comfortingly on his back.
Tears ran down the smallest Uchiha's face, his eyes had little red veins tracing through them, while the rims were red and puffy.
"Sasuke..." Itachi had muttered in his smooth tenor, and the smaller boy had looked up, sniffling, large eyes fixed on his brothers calm, almost smiling face.
Itachi was always so strong.
"This is not the way a proud Uchiha should act," he chided, still calmly.
"This is weak, little brother. And do you know why you are weak?"
There was a pause, as large childish eyes widened, and brows furrowed. Sasuke wasn't quite sure he understood, but shook his head regardless.
"You are weak, little brother, because you lack something."
"What, Nii-san?"
Itachi smiled, eyes closed, face still serene.
"You lack hatred," was all he stated, before swiftly standing and moving away from the balcony of their hired apartment, while they waited for the forensics to clean up the Uchiha Manor.
And he left one very baffled seven-year-old on that balcony, a child still overcome by grief.
But now... now Sasuke knew what he meant.
He had often heard people mention that there was a thin line between love and hatred. A thin line that could be crossed so easily.
He and Naruto had done that, once. Before they had become friends, the animosity between them crackled like lightning, constantly drawing them together, constantly setting them off at one another.
Slowly, such tension had faded.
And given way to the one thing that it always gave way to, when you knew Naruto; friendship.
But now, Sasuke was learning something else. Something about the word he had blurted out before.
He was quickly learning that no matter how much you liked a person, it didn't matter.
They were the one who decided whether or not they liked you.
And that was simply what was happening.
He had allowed himself to grow weak, relying on others.
Who did a person really need, other than themselves? He had been fine before he had met Naruto. Everyone had left him alone, and he had revelled in this silence - His own personal slice of life, quiet and peaceful.
And that, in a sense, was Itachi's theory. If you never grew attached to people, you could hate them. And while you hated them, there was no chance to create bonds, and become weak.
In theory, his brother was right.
He blinked slowly, slowing his mind slightly.
'Then why does being strong... Why does it feel so lonely?'
Naruto reached out his hand for the door handle, slowly, hesitantly, painfully. There was nothing he could do, no way to fix all this. Sasuke didn't want him, the overwhelming bitterness, sarcasm and hatred in his voice was enough to scare Naruto away.
Then the blonde boy paused, a slight frown coming to his otherwise blank face.
Sasuke had scared him away.
Naruto had never been cowed by the Uchiha, so why was he going to start now?
He knew he couldn't live without the other boy; going home now would destroy him, if not Sasuke.
Growling slightly, Naruto spun on his heel and began storming back towards - hopefully - his future.
Dark brows knitted together, while an almost-victory-smirk fluttered across Sasuke's features. The feeling of a bittersweet victory washed through him. He had succeeded. Naruto was leaving.
He blinked, but this time, his dark gaze remained closed.
And then, suddenly, a wave of nothingness washed through him.
It coated, covered, hid all his other feelings under a soft blanket of darkness. Wrapping them up in a cold embrace, making each feeling and thought hit him with a dull edge.
Naruto had been lying.
He felt dizzy, though wasn't quite sure he did. It was hard to tell if he was feeling anything.
Anguish, misery, loneliness roiled through him, though muted, quiet.
His vision blurred, and somehow, he wasn't there anymore.
Didn't look at the retreating figure of his once best friend.
He swayed.
Didn't hear the tell-tale scuffling of turning feet.
He slumped into the wall, sliding down it.
His shoulders, hands shook, eyes squeezed tightly shut.
'You are weak, little brother. Weak, because you lack hatred,'
A silently cry wracked his body, willing to erupt from his throat.
But he refused to sink that low.
Refused to acknowledge the water welling in the corners of his eyes.
Because the blanket of nothing covered all that.
And made everything...
Cold.
A/N
Well! A rather dramatic (and long) chapter, I'm sure you'll agree~
Feedback would be wonderful on this chapter in particular; Sasuke's and Naruto's interactions were a bit awkward but we thought it would make sense that way - any thoughts on this?
Well, hope you enjoyed!
~ Sakura
