About an hour later, Matt arrived back at his apartment. Whilst
fishing in his bag for his keys, he heard a very distinctive crash
from inside the apartment. Mildly panicked, he found his keys and
flung the door open.
The sight that met him shocked him so much he
took a step backwards. The apartment was a mess, and standing in the
middle of the living room was his father, with one of his mother's
vases held high in the air. He looked over at Matt, and slowly
lowered the vase, before dropping it on the ground. It thudded
loudly, but didn't break.
Matt closed the door behind him, not
taking his eyes off his father.
"Hi, Matt," his Dad
said, slurred and clearly drunk.
That was enough. Matt
snapped.
"What the fuck are you doing!"
His
Dad shrugged, and sunk to his knees, sobbing.
Matt stared, wide
eyed, his mouth closing to keep the harsh words he was about to say
away. He took one more quick look around the wrecked apartment before
walking over to his father and kneeling down in front of him.
"I
have no idea what to do with you," he admitted.
His father
didn't reply for a moment, his crying outburst seized in what Matt
knew was more the parental desire to seem strong for his child, than
actual clearing of grief.
"I was fired today, Matt. They said
my standard of work has gone downhill... That I'm not dressed smartly
these days..."
Matt continued to stare in disbelief at what
was happening before him.
"How do you explain your standard
of work is lessened because the only women you've ever loved is
shacked up with another guy, Matt? How do you explain your clothes
are creased because you don't even own an iron, because she took it
with her? And that even if you did, you wouldn't know how to
use it!"
"Don't they know what's going on
right now?"
"No."
"Well, then, tell them?
They'd probably be more lenient if they knew what was happening
here."
His father stood up, and nearly fell over again thanks
to the clearly excessive amount of alcohol in his system.
"Go
and sleep," Matt said, his voice bordering pleading. "I'll
clean up. Just go and rest."
His Dad looked as if he would
argue, but he didn't. He nodded, and stumbled towards his bedroom
without another word, closing the door behind him quietly.
Matt
slowly got to his feet, surveying the damage around him. It wasn't as
bad as it initially seemed- his mother had been keeping some of her
things in boxes in their living room, and it seemed his Dad had
ripped through all of them, thrown the contents around the apartment,
and smashed a few of the valuables.
Good thing she doesn't own
any antiques...
Moving a half empty box off the sofa, he
collapsed into it, instinctively grabbing a cushion and holding it
closely. The tidying up would have to wait- he needed to recover from
the past couple of hours first.
He picked up the phone after a
moment, putting down the pillow, and dialing his mother's number.
It rang a few times, and kicked into the answer phone.
You've
reached Nancy. I'm not home right now- leave a message and I'll
get back to you.
"Mom, its Matt. Call me."
He hung up,
sighing, and flicking through the saved numbers on the cordless
phone. He flicked until he found 'work', and dialed.
Someone
needs to take control of this, and it's not going to be
Dad.
"Hello, Fuji TV station."
"Uh… hi. I'm not
sure who I want to speak to, actually. I'm Matt Ishida, I need to
talk to someone about my father. Apparently he was fired
today?"
"Ah." The line went silent for a moment. "I'll
put you through to someone, hold."
Thirty seconds or so later,
and he heard a quiet voice on the line.
"Matt Ishida? How can I
help you?"
Matt sighed. "You fired my Dad today, right?"
There
was an uncomfortable silence. "Yes, I did. His conduct of work has
been pretty awful lately-"
"I know," Matt interjected. "I
know why you did it, Sir."
A silence again. "So, how can I
help you…?"
"Do you know why his work's been
suffering?"
"I asked him, but he didn't want to give an
answer. He shrugged it off like there were no underlying problems
anywhere."
"My mum just got herself a new boyfriend, and he's
never really got over their split. His conduct of work has been going
down because he's been drinking to deal with it."
The third
silence. "He never said anything..."
"I know. I came home
today to a trashed apartment. He's falling apart and I don't know
how to help him…"
Matt stopped abruptly, hearing his voice
cracking and betraying his emotions to the stranger on the other end
of the phone. He took a deep breath, pulled his composure together,
and continued.
"Would you reconsider your decision, Sir? Maybe
give him a few days off to get his head straight? I know it's
asking a lot, but I don't know what else to do…"
"I
haven't filed the official papers regarding his dismissal yet. It
would be going against various kinds of protocols to not-file them,
and pretend it didn't happen."
Matt didn't reply.
"But…
I understand why you ask. And I'd be willing to throw those
particular protocols away, just this once, and give him a second
chance- he really is one of my best employees. But only if your
father calls me tomorrow and discusses what you've told me today,
and makes it clear when he comes back after a week of leave, that his
work will no longer suffer because of his personal life."
"Thank
you. That means a lot, and I know it will to him too. He'll call
you tomorrow, Sir."
"Alright. You take care now, and your
father too. My condolences to you both. Goodbye, Matt."
The line
went dead. Matt slowly put the cordless back into its cradle to
recharge, and leant back in the chair. He closed his eyes, taking the
moment to relax.
At least I've solved one of the more
immediate problems…
He tried not to let his mind wander
back to TK, but he couldn't help it. He pushed it away, feeling his
sanity slipping away with every moment he worried about him. Feeling
the want for his old habits, wanting the drug-induced clouds to cover
his mind and make him forget everything…
Need to stay in
control, Matt. Pull yourself together.
He stood, intending to
distract himself with setting the apartment straight. He noticed a
half empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and sighed, picking
it up. Finding the lid on the floor, he sealed the bottle and looked
around for a suitable place to stash it until his father had his
drinking habits more under control. Seeing no-where suitable, he
entered his own bedroom, and hid it in his wardrobe.
It took him a
while to set things straight. As he was putting the finishing touches
to the cleaning together, he heard a knock at the front door.
And
there's TK, I imagine.
It wasn't TK, it was Tai, who
walked straight in, pulled the door out of Matt's hand, closing it
and sighing. He was clearly not impressed at Matt's display with TK
earlier, still.
"Good evening to you too," Matt said.
Tai
eyed the apartment slowly. "You've been cleaning?"
"Dad
trashed the place, I had no choice. He's asleep, so try to be
quiet."
"He what?"
Matt sighed and sunk into a chair at
the kitchen table. Tai sat opposite him.
"He was fired today. I
called his work and explained everything that's been going on, and
they agreed to give him another chance. He doesn't know yet, he's
been asleep whilst I tidied up."
"And what has been
going on, Matt? All I've seen of you these past few weeks has been
enough to worry me, and when I do get you alone, you won't
talk."
"So you're here to rectify that?"
Matt was
surprised how cold his voice sounded. He was slowly becoming more
unhinged from the situation around him, he could feel it, but he
couldn't stop it.
Tai shrugged. "If you'll let me."
Matt
laughed shortly.
"You can take your temper out on me, go ahead.
Just tell me why."
No response. Matt stared at the worn oak
table, tracing slight cracks in it with his finger. Tai sighed
softly.
"You're not going to crack, are you?" He asked
quietly.
Matt shrugged.
Oh, I want to alright.
"I
won't let you," Tai said sternly, as though he had heard Matt's
thoughts. "You don't want to go back there again, right? The
hospital, the dialysis, the seclusion ward?"
"Of course
not," Matt snapped.
"Then rather than sitting here sulking,
why don't you face up to whatever's getting to you, and deal with
it?"
Whatever Matt was going to say- which wouldn't have been
pretty- it was lost on the tip of his tongue as he heard the door to
his father's bedroom open. He looked pretty rough as he ran a hand
through his hair, and walked slowly to the table. Sitting down, he
looked up at Tai, nodding a hello to him. He then turned to
Matt.
"I'm sorry you had to see that earlier, Son."
Matt
shrugged. "It's okay. I called your work and explained things. If
you call your boss tomorrow, he's willing to take you back."
His
Dad looked at him, gratitude clear in his eyes.
"I will. Thank
you, Matt."
"Why didn't you just tell him what was going
on?"
His Dad shrugged, and chose not to reply. He stood,
shakily, and grabbed his jacket from the sofa. Grabbing his
cigarettes, he lit one and made his way back to the table with an
ashtray.
"Don't even think about berating me right now," he
snapped at Matt, who looked set to protest. He glanced at Tai, and
sighed. "Sorry. You've caught me at a bad time."
"It's
alright," Tai said with a shrug. He'd seen Matt's Dad's
temper flare a few times, and was mostly used to it.
"Tomorrow
I'm going to buy an iron," Matt said. "And I'm going to show
you how to use it."
His Dad nodded.
"When's your next
meeting thing?"
"Couple of days."
"Are you going?"
Matt
shrugged. His Dad held the cigarette out to him again, as he had done
before. Matt waved the smoke it emitted away, folding his arms across
his chest angrily.
"Don't mess with me," he snapped.
"Still
edgy?" His Dad laughed shortly. "Then the answer's a
yes."
There was an awkward silence for a moment, until his Dad
spoke again.
"I didn't think you smoked normal cigarettes-
that was just a front, right? So why are you craving them?"
Matt
shrugged. "I don't know. I think I just want anything to help me
forget right now."
He stopped talking immediately; realizing Tai
was looking at him intently. He didn't want to burden him, or his
father, with his problems when they had other things to worry
about.
"Forget what?"
His father wasn't going to let it
go it seemed.
Matt shrugged again.
"Nothing really," he
answered, his voice breaking. He stared at the table, willing the
sudden tears that had sprung to his eyes away.
Tai shook his
head.
"That's the second time," he said, his voice slightly
angry. "Second time someone has asked you what's wrong,
and you've answered 'nothing' whilst clearly trying not to cry.
Enough. Out with it."
Matt didn't reply, still trying
to keep him emotions checked.
"Now. You're going to
tell me how long you've been craving, and then we're going to call
the hospital," he said, his voice leaving no room for Matt to
reason with him. "This isn't something you should be
ignoring."
""But-"
"I don't want to hear
'but'."
Matt shook his head slowly.
"Right now."
No
reply.
"What are you going to do then, huh? Put yourself back in
hospital? Go and get yourself killed!"
"What's got into
you," Matt muttered.
"I don't want to hear 'I've been
craving' from you," Tai said. "I don't ever want to see you
like that again. That week you were hooked up to that machine, that
was hell, Matt. For me, for your family, for all your
friends. Forgive me for being a little angry that you'd consider
putting yourself there again."
"It wasn't a conscious decision
you know!" Matt snapped, standing up and balling his fists in
anger. "It's not like I woke up that day and decided, hey, let's
fuck my kidneys up and worry my friends and family!
I was aware of everything in that week, Tai, and I didn't
like it that much either you know."
"Matt!"
Matt
stopped at the tone in his father's voice.
"Sit down."
Matt
did as he was told.
"Stop being an asshole. If you won't tell
him what's wrong, fine, do whatever you damn well want. But don't
take your inability to deal with your problems in an adult manner out
on other people."
"You can talk," Matt snapped
harshly.
"What did I do to you, Matt? I wrecked Nancy's
belongings, drank alcohol in my own home, and
stopped the moment I heard you walk in the door. I didn't
ask for you to tidy up, you offered. I didn't ask
for you to call my work, you took it upon yourself."
Matt opened
his mouth to reply, and couldn't.
"And what have you
done, Matt? You turned to drugs because you were too weak to face up
to your problems. And we nearly lost you because of it. And now, when
things are looking down, here you are, wanting to walk that same
road?"
That was enough for Matt. He felt five years old again,
being told off for touching things in the supermarket that he
shouldn't. Every word his father spoke, as harsh as it was, was
true.
He stood, without looking either of them in the eye, and
walked towards his bedroom.
"You're running away again?" His
father called. Matt stopped, but didn't turn around. "Fine. When
you want to talk, there will be people to listen."
Matt stood
for another moment, before opening his bedroom door and closing it
gently, and threw the bolt.
Mr. Ishida sighed and lit another
cigarette. "Thanks for trying, Tai."
"What's been going on
with TK, Mr. Ishida? I know something's wrong. He hit Kari today at
school."
"He what!"
"It's okay," Tai said
hurriedly. "We had a talk with him. He's definitely sorry, and he
apologized to Kari."
"That isn't the point."
"I know
something's going on with him. What is it?"
Mr. Ishida shook
his head slowly. "Nancy has a new boyfriend, and she seems to be
favoring him to TK. TK has some kind of problem with him, but that's
to be expected. It's really nothing major, and I have no idea why
Matt is so worried about him."
"Maybe Matt thinks it is
something major?"
"Possibly. He should be thinking of his
health right now, he's still vulnerable. I don't like to be harsh
with him, but he won't listen any other way."
They lapsed into
silence, and wished they hadn't as they heard muffled,
barely-controlled sobbing coming from Matt's room.
Tai stood,
and walked over to the door, knocking gently on it.
"Open the
door, Matt," he said gently.
He expected resilience, but instead
after a moment he heard the door unclick. He pushed it open as Matt
walked over to his bed and lay down on it, face down in the
pillow.
"Crying isn't going to solve it," Tai said softly,
kneeling down beside the bed and sighing softly.
"I'm not,"
Matt said, his voice muffled by the pillow. Tai chose not to push
it.
"Your Dad filled me in on the details, Matt. The stuff
that's going on with TK… You don't need to worry about, really.
It's all normal stuff. Of course he isn't going to like your
mum's new boyfriend-"
"I said that," Matt interrupted,
taking his head out the pillow. His eyes were red, but he was no
longer crying. "And he swore blind I was wrong, and that he had
good reasons for disliking him. Did Dad tell you last week I had to
collect him from the tube station at 3am, when he was drunk?"
Tai
raised an eyebrow. "No, he didn't. That doesn't sound like
TK."
"And you saw what happened with Kari today. Something
isn't adding up."
"But, really, Matt… If TK doesn't want
to tell you what that is, then just let it rest maybe? You need to
worry about yourself right now."
"I'm fine."
"You're
not. Stop saying that. This goes back to when we were eleven
doesn't it? And your complex that he doesn't need you,
right?"
"No."
"Then let it go. TK can take
care of himself, he doesn't need his big brother breathing down his
neck all the time. Stop thinking of him, and think of you.
How about you? How are you feeling?"
Matt
stopped to think about this, and felt those thoughts
creeping up on him again. He shut his eyes and shook his head.
"If
you're craving, you can't ignore it. Ignoring it ends up
with you eventually snapping, and going back to it."
"I'm
not craving it," Matt admitted. "I'm craving anything
that will help. Anything at all."
"That's still not much
better. You should still call your doctor."
"I can handle
it."
"Really? Show me, then."
"Huh?"
"Show me
you can handle it. Because right now, I'm not seeing it."
Tai
stood and left without another word, leaving Matt to think what he
had said over.Later that evening, Matt
awoke to the sound of his bedroom door opening. Startled, he sat up.
Tai was standing in the doorway.
"You've been asleep a couple
of hours, your Dad suggested I come wake you up."
Matt rubbed
his eyes and flicked on his side lamp.
"You're still here?"
He queried, not meaning it to be as impolite as it sounded. Tai
didn't take it as such.
"Yeah, me and your Dad have been
hanging out and watching TV."
Matt got off the bed, glancing at
the time. Nine pm.
"No TK yet?"
"No. Your Dad called your
mum about half an hour ago, apparently he was home for a bit, but she
went to the shops, and he was gone again when she got back."
"Don't
suppose her boyfriend was there when she got back too?"
Tai
shrugged. "He didn't ask."
"TK didn't say where he was
going?"
"Seems not."
Matt frowned and picked up his
mobile from his bedside table. Tai walked across to him and pulled it
out of his hand, setting it back again.
"Let him fight his own
battles," he scolded. "He'll call you if he needs you."
Matt
scowled at his friend, but complied, following him out the room.
His
father looked up from the sofa. He looked a lot better now, having
showered and changed his clothing. He looked happier at
least.
"I cooked dinner," he said proudly. "Yours is in the
microwave."
Matt raised an eyebrow. "Wow, I'm proud. I'm
not hungry right now though, I'll get it in a bit."
His Dad
grinned widely and turned back to the TV. Matt walked to the kitchen,
getting a glass from the cupboard and pouring himself some water. Tai
sat at the table behind him.
"How are you feeling?"
Matt
frowned, watching the glass fill with water as he held it under the
tap.
"Been better."
There was a knock at the front door.
Matt placed his water on the table with Tai, and went to open it.
TK
stood before him. Had it been any other time, Matt would have
declared 'I told you so' to Tai, but instead, Matt stared at his
little brother, trying to register what he was seeing.
His already
blackened eye was flamed and irritated, and below his eye he had a
large cut. It wasn't bleeding, but it clearly had been, quite
harshly.
TK stared at Matt, his mouth opening and closing trying
to form words, and his eyes rapidly tearing up.
Matt grabbed him,
pulled him in, and slammed the door. Guiding him to the table, he
knelt next to him as TK sat down, clearly concerned.
"TK?"
Their
Dad approached the table, concerned at the sudden appearance of his
youngest son late at night. He noticed the cut, and his eyes
narrowed.
"You got into another fight?"
"N-no," TK
stammered, hiding his face in his hands, breathing heavily in an
attempt to control the sobs that clearly wanted to escape. "Ikusa…
Ikusa hit me…"
He broke down, crying harshly into his hands.
Matt stood and wrapped his arms around his brother protectively,
looking up at Tai. His face was blank with shock.
His father was
already gathering his coat and keys, eyes narrowed in anger. Matt
thought it might be best to stop him, but chose not to, silently
wanting vigilante justice in this situation too.
His father opened
the front door, without a word, but closed it again and stalked back
into the room. He picked up the phone, and dialed Nancy.
"Nancy,
I'm coming to see you. We need to talk. I want that bastard out of
your apartment before I get there. If he's not gone, he'll be
leaving by ambulance when I get there.
"Don't argue with me,
I'm leaving now. Get him out."
He hung the phone up,
stopping by the table on his way to the door.
"Come on TK," he
said softly. "You boys come too. I'll need you to restrain me if
he's there."
"I think we'll all need restraining," Tai
muttered, standing.
Matt released TK, whose crying fit had
slowed.
"You should have told me," he said, more harshly than
he wanted.
"You wouldn't have believed me."
"Of course
I would have!"
"And you have your own problems to deal with…
I didn't want to be the reason you did that again…"
Matt
refrained from telling him 'you almost were', standing instead
and collecting his shoes. TK followed silently.
. . . . . . . . .
.
Arriving at Nancy's apartment, Matt was torn between hoping
Ikusa was there, and hoping he wasn't. Tai had decided to stay in
the car and wait- feeling it wasn't his place to be there.
As
his mother opened the door, it was clear Ikusa wasn't there. Matt
breathed a sigh of relief.
Nancy took one look at TK and
gasped.
"TK! What happened?"
"Your asshole boyfriend
happened," Mr. Ishida spat, pushing past her into the apartment.
"Is he here?"
"N-no, he left like you asked…"
Matt
and TK followed their father inside, both a little scared of the
anger radiating from him.
"No-one hurts my kids,"
Mr. Ishida snarled at Nancy. "No-one."
"I-I didn't
know, TK never said!"
"I tried!" TK protested. "I tried to
tell you I didn't like him, I tried to hint there was a reason why,
but you always brushed over it!"
Nancy fell silent.
"I'll
call him," she said. "And tell him he isn't welcome back here
anymore. I don't understand… He seemed so nice…"
"And
apparently he didn't like the fact you had kids from a previous
relationship," Mr. Ishida admonished sourly.
"Anybody that
wants to be with me has to accept my children," Nancy said sternly.
"Don't belittle me, my kids mean the world to me."
"I can
see that, since you didn't listen to TK when he tried to warn you
that guy is a-"
"Oh for God's sake!" Matt yelled, losing
his temper as he watched his parents argue. "Can you two not be in
the same room for more than two minutes without bitching at
each other! Just for once, would you stop!"
Both
of his parents were shocked into silence immediately. Nancy took the
moment to pick up her phone and call Ikusa. She walked into her
bedroom with it, closing the door.
"Well that's one kid
sorted," Mr. Ishida said with a sigh. "How did you get the cut,
TK?"
"He was wearing rings when he hit," TK said
smally.
"How many times…?"
TK shook his head in an
indication that he didn't want to answer, staring at the
floor.
"Should we go to the hospital and get that checked
out?"
"No, don't," TK said, sounding almost
panicked.
"We're going to be stopping by there anyway," his
father said. "So you might as well."
"We are?" Matt
asked.
"I'm having you checked back into the clinic."
Matt
froze.
"If you can't handle your urges, people need to handle
them for you."
Matt shook his head, involuntarily taking a step
backwards. "I'm not going back there!"
"Oh, yes you are.
And you'll stay there until you can walk out and deal with life
like an adult. Your mood swings have been terrible lately,
Matt. You're clearly incredibly highly strung. You need somewhere
where you can calm down, and sort your head out."
Matt opened
his mouth to protest savagely, but closed it again. By doing so, he'd
be proving his father right about mood swings.
"I'll see you
in the car," he sighed, opening the front door. He smiled at TK
before he left, who smiled back.
I can't go back there… I
can't…
But he's right. I can't control this. I
keep saying I can, but I can't
He opened the
unlocked car door, getting into the back with Tai.
"What
happened?" Tai asked, seeing the distressed look on Matt's
face.
"She's breaking up with him. He wasn't there when we
got there."
"Well, that's good right?"
"Mm."
"So
why do you look so upset?"
"My Dad wants to check me back into
the recovery clinic," Matt whispered, closing his eyes and bowing
his head. "And I'm ashamed of myself, for lacking the control I
need…"
"Whoa, whoa. Lacking the control? You
haven't done anything, right?"
"No…"
"You haven't
even lit a cigarette or taken a shot of alcohol, right?"
"Right…"
"So
where's this lack of control?"
Matt stammered with an answer
for a moment. "But, Dad… He said I needed to go back…"
"Not
because you lack control, Matt. Because you've had cravings and you
clearly don't know how to deal with it. He's right about the mood
swings, and you can't get by like that. For what it's worth, I'm
proud that you haven't caved in, and I'm sure your family is,
too."
Matt smiled smally, looking up as the front car door
opened and his father got in.
"TK's staying home," he said,
putting his car key into the ignition.
"Give me another chance,"
Matt asked quietly. "Please. I'll deal with this better, just
don't take me back there."
His father looked into the car wing
mirror, catching Matt's eye.
"On one condition."
"What?"
His
father's eyes had a wicked glint in them. "You tell us what
happened at that first meeting."
Matt slunk back in his seat. "I
thought you were serious about checking me in."
"Oh I'm
deadly serious. But you got me a second chance at work, so I owe it
to you to let you keep to your word. I'm just wondering what
actually happened, since you've kept it so secret."
Matt
folded his arms, sulking slightly.
"I tried to leave and ran
into a door that was pull instead of push."
"Is that all?"
Tai said, voicing what Matt's father was about to say. "That's
what you made a big fuss about?"
"You weren't there!"
"And
I'd have laughed at you if I was for getting so worked up over
that. Man, you have been highly strung lately huh?"
"That's
exactly what I said," Mr. Ishida interjected.
Matt continued to
sulk, but he felt brighter than he had done in days.
TK will
be alright. And so will I. I can survive this. I have to,
because the alternatives just aren't worth thinking about.
I'll
do everything I can to fight this, Dad. I promise.
Author's Notes:
Well that only took about 18 months, wow. I suck.
It's been a very long time. Since this fic has been in the works a long time now, I may have a couple of parts where time doesn't quite flow correctly or something. I think I worked everything out, but I'm only human, and may have made a mistake.
To anyone who actually recognizes me…Hi! Yes, I'm alive. Yes, I will finish Judas (one day ). I've been living with a pretty sucky sickness these past couple of years, so I haven't really been in the mood to write, nor had much time to devote to it.
Reviews or mails would be awesome, but not necessary. I only hope, even if you don't tell me so, that you enjoyed it. If so, I'm happy. And if not, well, uh, I don't care, I write for my own pleasure and post in the hopes others can enjoy it too :D
(Also, the reason the parts are split into two each is because the site was uploading each fic incomplete, and this is the only way I know of fixing that :D)
