5:00.

My wrist watch buzzes shrilly, and I smack the off button almost instinctively. I've come to associate that alarm with this tiny corridor in the apartment building, considering how often I'm here at five o'clock.

I reach 615 at the end of the hall and lean against the door for a moment, shifting the small bag of groceries in my arms to allow me to knock on the door.

I do, but get no response in return.

"…Rin!"

Nothing.

I knock again, louder this time.

"Rin, I know you're home! You could at least say something!"

Still nothing.

"If you're not going to- oh, screw it. Alright, I'm coming in! Hope you're dressed!"

I fish through my pocket and pull out Rin's key, fidgeting to get the key into the lock with my free hand. The door creaks open, and I am greeted by the old-but-familiar scent of paint and stale coffee.

"You know, we don't have to go through this every time!"

Still no response.

The main entrance, normally bright with natural light, is dark and shady. I realize as I set down the grocery bag in the kitchenette that all the curtains are shut. As in, every curtain in the entire apartment.

It's puzzling, but hardly the strangest thing I've seen walking into Rin's place in the afternoon. My hands in my pockets, I make my way to the entrance to Rin's bedroom, finding the door already open a crack. I push it open the rest of the way and am greeted by a familiar sight.

Rin lies face-up on the floor, parallel to the bed- fully clothed and fully conscious, but in an almost hypnotic trance. She doesn't even react when I step into the room.

I flicker on the overhead light, and she flinches at the sudden intrusion on her personal darkness.

"So, what's this? What did I walk in on?" I ask wryly.

"I was thinking," Rin says quietly, still lying unmoving on the floor.

"Oh yeah?" I loom over her, hands square on my hips. "What were you thinking about?"

Now that my face is directly in her line of vision, she finally gives up and makes eye contact with me. "The ceiling is funny. Have you ever noticed?"

I'm not sure if that's a response to my question, or if she's changing the subject. It could easily be either.

I look up at the ceiling, which I have never paid much attention to. "Funny how?"

"It's all bubbly. Like beer foam. Or sea foam. Or… I dunno. Foam foam."

"It's a popcorn ceiling. Do you remember what the guy said when we first looked at this place? It's stucco, or something," I move away, propping myself up on the bed with a knee so I can feel the texture of the ceiling. "It's a western architectural thing. They blow up little air bubbles all over it to hide the imperfections in the plaster."

"Oh… that's too bad. Maybe the ceiling looked nice before."

"It looks nice now, though, don't you think?"

"Hmm." She squints a little, sitting up and leaning against the foot of the bed so that she can more easily stare at the ceiling again. "It looks like clouds."

"Probably what you liked about this place, huh? You'd kill to look at the clouds all day."

She half-nods. "Maybe. It would depend on who I had to kill."

"Just any generic person."

Frowning thoughtfully, she pauses for a second before coming to a conclusion. "I'll have to think more about it."

I stand from the bed, walking across from it and slumping onto the floor to sit across from Rin. "Did you hear me calling? I waited at your door for you to invite me in."

She snaps her head down suddenly to look at me. "I heard you."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I knew you'd come in even if I didn't. And I was in the middle of thinking."

"Fair enough."

Squinting, Rin focuses on my face, but doesn't say anything.

"So. I've been thinking about something, too," I continue, waiting for a response.

She tilts her head to the side a little, but remains silent.

"Have you heard from our landlord yet?" I ask tentatively. "I talked to him last week. He wanted to know whether I had plans to renew the lease on my apartment."

"I did talk to him, but he didn't say anything about that." She takes a breath, apparently making a great effort to recall the conversation accurately. "He wanted to fix my sink."

"Your sink is broken?"

"No, but it was broken, before he sent a plumber in. Now I am supposed to watch that space to make sure that mildew doesn't grow there."

"Has any?"

"I don't think so. But I also don't think I know what mildew looks like."

She bows her head, evidently contemplating mildew quite seriously. I smile at her, which she only barely seems to register.

"This place is messy," I say quietly, sliding slightly closer towards Rin on the floor. "And poorly maintained. And small."

She nods, just a little bit.

It's pretty obvious that she knows where I'm going with this, but I continue anyway. "You could afford better than this. You still have a lot of money left over from the commissions."

She closes her eyes, letting out a tired, drawn-out breath. "Don't talk about the commi-"

"'Don't talk about the commissions.' I know. Well, you're too late, Rin, because I'm already talking about them."

Her eyes flicker open, and she cranes her neck up to make eye contact with me. After studying my face for a few moments, she nods again. "I guess I can't argue with that."

"Stashing your money and pretending it doesn't exist isn't going to make your past go away."

"It can help me not think about it," she says with a pained frown.

"Or you could just spend it. You can get a nice place. You won't have to think about it then, either."

She raises an eyebrow, leaning her head back against the bed. "And then you can move in with me, right?"

"Is that an offer?"

She throws her head forward suddenly. Her hair falls cutely over her face, and she doesn't seem to care enough to fix it. "I'm still thinking about it."

"Well, I haven't stopped thinking about it."

I pull myself closer towards her until we're nearly face-to-face, brushing her hair out of her eyes for her.

"Do me a favor," I say after a moment.

"Okay, but you have to promise to help me wash my mouth out after," she says firmly, totally sincere.

…Yeah, I'm just going to ignore that one.

"Close your eyes."

"Why? Are you going to try something? Because if you are, I want-"

"I'm not. Just do it."

"Okay." She closes her eyes and takes a breath, leaning patiently against the bed.

"Okay. Now picture this."

"I don't know what 'this' looks like."

"I'm getting to that." I take a breath, my mind running through the various apartments and housing complexes I've been sifting through lately. "So. We get a big place. A really big one, in an apartment in the city, or maybe further out. Or we buy a condo- that way we might be able to make renovations."

"Picturing," she says expectantly.

"We get a place on the top floor. One with a broad balcony out on the side, and an awning or a roof on top, so we can go out on it when it rains."

Eyes still closed, she opens her mouth to say something, but stops herself for some reason. Her breathing is a little loud, and very controlled.

"The balcony goes straight into the kitchen. Cut right through it, and you have a guest bedroom lined with windows all on one side. Or… an art studio."

She leans into the foot of the bed a little, and it briefly occurs to me that she might be falling asleep.

"Are you picturing it?" I ask gently.

"Yes."

"You can see the whole skyline from that room."

She gives a relaxed sort of smile, vaguely conscious of how close we are to each other.

"That's a private space, but… if you go out the other way from the kitchen, there's a wide-open living space in the center. And on the other end of that… bedroom."

"What about the bathroom?" she asks suddenly.

"Uh. One by the kitchen. Master bath is connected to our bedroom."

"Okay. That's important. I don't want to have to go far if I have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I tend to bump into things. And there's doors, and in the dark that might complicate things-"

"-Well, there is one attached to the bedroom. So it's not a problem. So… just picture it."

"Picturing."

I glance over Rin's head for a second, resting my hand on the bed just to the side of her head. "What is this bed? It seems kind of small… is it a king?"

"Yes. At least, that's what they told me at the mattress store, but I don't think they had any reason to lie about it."

"Well, we'll get a bigger one. You can do that, right? What can you get above king size?"

She purses her lips, thinking. "You could get a California king. It's like a regular king, but it's American, so I think that makes it bigger."

"We'll get that, then."

Her eyes are still closed; she seems committed to my little scenario. Our faces are so close that they're nearly touching, but somehow there's a kind of humor in the intimacy of it.

I move my hand off the bed and place it over the side of her head, pulling her into a kiss as smoothly as I can. She doesn't really do much to reciprocate it, though; instead she just relaxes herself and leans against me. I pull away after a long few moments.

As soon as I do, her eyes suddenly fly open, like I've done something very grave. She stares at me forcefully, her piercing green eyes filled with an uncharacteristic amount of energy. It feels very passionate, and I'm stricken by it, at least for that brief moment.

"You said you weren't going to try anything," she says matter-of-factly.

"…Sorry."

I realize that I'm still hunched over her, so I slide backwards to give her some breathing room. She continues to watch me, her breathing as firm and controlled as my own. We make rather tense eye contact for an awkward couple of seconds.

"…I didn't say you shouldn't," she adds, finally.

"Okay, well, still, I wasn't finished talking yet."

She relaxes her gaze, slumping back into the side of the bed. "Okay."

It actually is true that I had more to say, but looking at Rin I realize I've completely lost my train of thought.

I know this situation is strange- in fact, my entire situation with Rin in general is pretty strange. It doesn't bother me. I feel overwhelmingly… content, just for this brief moment.

I look her directly in the eye. "I love you, Rin."

She smiles, but her expression is muted and ambiguous. I wonder what's going on in her mind right now. I would give anything to know.

Her lack of verbal response is a little embarrassing, and I can feel myself blushing a little bit, not that it matters one way or the other. I know Rin doesn't care; she probably isn't even paying attention.

I place my hands down on the floor and lean in a bit closer towards her. "…How are you feeling right now?"

She takes a breath, staring at my collarbone while she contemplates my question. "Pretty good. I'm warm. And the weather is good. And I like this sweater."

Slumped lazily against the bed, she wags her arms under her shirt, and her free-hanging sleeves dangle in the air in front of me. I grab one of them and hold it in my hand, interested that she would choose to wear something so hot in the summer. When you're limited to shirts that you can slip on without opposable thumbs, your options are pretty scarce.

"What about in general? How are you feeling about your life right now?"

She thinks for another minute or so. "…Still good."

"Yeah?"

"I think so."

"Are you happy, Rin?"

"I… think so."

"Really?"

She closes her eyes, throwing her head back so that it rests on top of the bed. It's a hard question for her.

…She can be really disheartening sometimes.

I crawl a bit closer towards her and wrap an arm around her back, kissing her on the neck. She shivers a little bit at my touch.

"Rin…"

"I'm tired…" she murmurs.

I wrap my other arm around her, hoisting her up off the ground. With a small sigh, she leans into me, folding her legs behind my back, and nuzzles her face into my neck.

Her breathing is uneven and shaky, which is easy to tell with her pressed up against me.

I set her down on the bed, and she sinks backwards, falling like a brick onto the mattress. As soon as she does, her eyes open and she looks me right in the eye, as I'm still looming over her on the bed. Her legs fall away from me and hang off of the bed behind me.

"Were you up late, or what?" I ask quietly, trying to break the tension a little.

She makes an unreadable expression. "Couldn't sleep."

I'm probably more troubled by that than she realizes… I wonder how much my expression is letting on. Or how much she is reading into it, I guess.

I climb off of Rin and roll onto my back, lying face-up side-by-side with her. We both just lie there for a long time, staring at the ceiling.

The strange pattern of the stucco is entrancing somehow, like staring at an optical illusion. Maybe I'm deliberately making myself more susceptible to that kind of thing? I wonder how long she was doing this by herself before I arrived.

My thoughts drift back to our little hypothetical home. Talking about it with Rin just makes me realize exactly how much I want it. Though, admittedly, I think it's more just that I want some semblance of a normal life with her. Badly.

"Picture this." I raise my arms above us, making a rectangle with my hands to carve out a shape in the ceiling.

"Picturing," says Rin.

"This is the reason we get a place on the top floor. Right above the bed, in the ceiling, we put in a… skylight. Then, whenever you wake up before me, you can just lie here in bed with me and just… watch the clouds. All morning, if you want."

She lets out a quiet hum, almost inaudible- like a whimper. After considering my proposal for a minute, she asks, "What if you wake up before me?"

"Then… I can watch you."

I turn my head to the side to look at her, and she does the same with me.

"You can go back to kissing me now, if you want," Rin says seriously.

"I know." I shoot her a look. "You know, Rin, I would prefer your encouragement to your permission. If you want me to do something, you could just ask me to."

She frowns thoughtfully. "I never know what I want you to do until you do it."

"…Fair enough."

"So… are you going to do it?"

"No. Not right now."

"Oh. Okay."

She looks at the ceiling again, genuinely indifferent.

"You know, I'm here for a reason, today, Rin."

"I assumed that. You don't usually do things for no reason."

"Does anybody?"

I already know the answer to that before she responds.

"I do things for no reason all the time. Sometimes I just do things and as soon as I'm done, I have no idea why I did them. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing them when I'm doing them. But… maybe not having a reason counts as a reason in and of itself?" She pauses, pursing her lips a little. "You should try it sometime. Maybe it will help you clear your head."

"Another time, then. We have somewhere to be tonight."

"We? You mean both of us? And not just you?"

"…That would be what 'we' means, yes. You promised me we would go out tonight. Multiple times, in fact."

"I did?"

"Yes. You did."

She squints, evidently having no recollection of it.

Honestly, I'm hurt by that. She knew it was important to me. Really important, actually.

I try not to sound too upset. "Did you seriously forget?"

"When did you mention it? I probably wasn't paying attention."

"Like… two days ago. But we've talked about it multiple times. You promised me, Rin."

"Sorry."

A sigh escapes me, despite my best efforts. The last thing I want is for us to fight tonight. "It's a class reunion. At Yamaku. I thought I could take you as a date."

"Oh." She squints suspiciously. "You want to go to the class reunion?"

"Obviously…"

"I guess you're right, it is obvious. But why do you want to? I thought you didn't make any friends there."

"That's not true; I just…"

I just… can't think of anyone besides Emi at the moment. I don't want to start with the most obvious person… Shizune and Misha maybe? We did schoolwork together. That counts, right?

I wonder if they still hang out. When's the last time I talked to them? Was it before or after graduation?

…Yeah, I don't think they count.

"Emi will be there," I mumble, defeated.

"Are you trying to convince me to go?"

"Well, yeah."

"But you said I already promised you I would go."

"You did. But you don't remember doing it, so I don't think the promise still stands."

"I don't know if that's true. If I did make that promise, then I must have had a reason for it, right?"

"Of course not. You just said that you do things for no reason all the time."

"That's a very good point. Very, very good point." She closes her eyes and considers my logic. "Okay, in that case, I will make the promise again. We'll go to the reunion. But this time I definitely have a reason."

"That reason being…?"

"You asked me to." She blinks once. "Come to think of it, that was probably the reason I agreed the first time, too, if I had to guess. But I don't have to guess, so I think I will leave it as a mystery."

"But you just guessed."

She widens her eyes, looking confused if not mildly surprised. "So I did. It must not be a very mysterious mystery, then."

"I've really been looking forward to tonight, you know." I finally sit up, happy to have that resolved.

She shuffles restlessly on the bed, and her leg brushes harshly against mine. "I do now. What time is it?"

I check my watch again. "Five."

"No, I was asking what time the reunion was. Or. Will be."

"Oh, uh… sometime after six, I think. We just need to show up around then. It's not strict."

"Is it formal? Because I really don't like big formal events. I don't want to run into anyone that might recognize me."

"That's kind of the whole point of a reunion, Rin."

"Hm. That is very troublesome indeed."

"Why wouldn't you want to be recognized?"

"I don't want people to ask me questions. Especially because if someone recognized me, they would recognize me from before. And then they would ask me the worst kinds of questions. Ones that I can't answer."

"You mean they'll recognize you from back when you did the commissions."

I turn over my shoulder to look at her face. She nods solemnly and forces herself up to sit next to me.

"Yeah, of course…" I run a hand through her hair and wrap my arm around her shoulder. She sighs quietly, closing her eyes again. "Well… I don't think anyone will really recognize you in that way; it's been a long time… I was just thinking of people recognizing you, y'know, from the high school class."

"I see."

My head feels heavy. I want to say we don't have to go, but after all the effort I've gone to planning the trip and arranging to have Rin there, I don't think I can will myself to make the suggestion.

Eventually I take the coward's choice and change the subject, distracted by my growling stomach. "I'm hungry. Have you eaten?"

"Yes."

"…Have you eaten in the last six hours?"

Her eyes snap open, drifting toward the ceiling again. "…I don't think so."

"I'm going to go put some food on."

"What are you going to put it on?"

"…The stove."

She nods eruditely, looking somewhere at the wall in front of her. "I thought you would say that."

"You must be psychic."

"I don't think so; I'm pretty sure that psychics discover their powers around puberty. I'm just a lucky guesser."

"Then you should play the lottery. That's a good skill to have."

"You may be right. I've never considered it before."

I pull myself off the bed and swing Rin's bedroom door open, still disoriented by the shade covering the apartment. The sunlight that pours into the living room when I open the drapes makes me cringe, even though the sun is already starting to go down.

After a minute, Rin stalks into the living room behind me, standing partially in the sunlight in the center of the room. I can't help but notice that she looks raggy, like she tends to if she has hasn't had my help to dress in a few days.

I look her up and down a couple of times. "Do you want me to help you change your shirt, or are you just planning to go everywhere in sweaters now?"

She looks down at her chest with a slight frown. "I already go most places in sweaters. Sweaters are the best kind of shirt. They are comfortable and not complicated."

"Well, do you want me to knot up the sleeves, at least?"

"…Okay."

She stands there wordlessly as I tie the ends of her sleeves, her gaze drifting somewhere out the window. She seems more… out of it than usual, but I understand that I may just be imagining it. I find that if I think about her too much, I start to worry for no reason… which is probably the worst way to be when it comes to thinking about Rin. Sometimes not thinking is the best way to think, but unfortunately I am not nearly as good at it as she is.

Thankfully, there are plenty of other things for me to think about to distract me, instead. Without even being totally conscious of it, I wander towards the kitchenette and begin absentmindedly sorting through the groceries I brought. May as well make stir-fry again, as it's one of maybe three things I'm confident I can cook without going horribly wrong somewhere.

Rin's always said she wanted to learn to cook. As long as she could do it without burning her heels on the stovetop, I would love to have someone else able to do the job. I have to admit, the longer I'm with her, the more I start to suspect there's nothing that can't be done with just your feet if you're flexible enough.

Minutes pass in silence as I go through the motions making dinner. Rin paces in half-circles in the living room for no apparent reason, only occasionally glancing over to see what I'm up to. Neither of us feels the need to speak, but I appreciate the comfortable break in conversation. I need some time to collect my thoughts right now as it is.

Eventually I end up with something halfway between bland and awful, which should make for a pretty decent dish by my standards. I don't have the energy or motivation to make it look pretty, so I just scrape the contents of my pan onto two plates and set them on the low-lying table outside the kitchen area.

I grab a pair of chopsticks and a fork for Rin out of the drawer and drop them on the table. Without waiting for me to sit, Rin rests her foot on the table and dexterously grabs the fork between two toes, shoveling food into her mouth with impressive speed. I take my time to sit and join her, resting an elbow on the table to lean on my hand as I eat. Speaking objectively, there's not a table manner between us.

"Is it any good?" I ask for some reason, even though I already know the answer, as I tasted it already.

Rin shoots her head up to look at me, her cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk's. "I fink baffer fweek."

"Swallow, then talk."

She swallows hurriedly, shrugging slightly. "I think it's better than last week's."

"Think so? I had shallots in it last week, which I liked, but I didn't bother with anything like that today."

"Of course I think so. I just said that I think so."

"I was being rhetorical."

"But you didn't ask a question."

"…Never mind."

"Okay."

She turns her head back down to the table and returns to eating. I poke a piece of chicken on my plate, which is black around the edge as the result of being visibly overcooked.

…She probably wishes I would just shut up, but I'm starting to feel too anxious to sit in silence. This is not doing any wonders for my self-confidence.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I posit, not expecting much of an answer.

"I don fwan-"

"-swallow, Rin."

"…I don't want one."

"What?"

"I don't want a penny. You offered me a penny."

"Well, how about you just tell me because I want to know what you're thinking?"

"That's even less than you offered me before. And since you offered me a penny before, that's probably the lowest offer you could have given me."

"That would depend on how much value you place on my preference, wouldn't it?"

She shrugs thoughtfully, in a way that only Rin could. "…The Eiffel Tower."

"…What?"

"I was thinking about the Eiffel Tower. Among other things. Three other things, to be precise."

"The Eiffel Tower…? Like… the building?"

"Are there other Eiffel Towers that aren't buildings?"

"No, I don't think so." I take a few moments to eat, holding up a hand to make her wait for me to finish talking. "But what were you thinking about it?"

"I was thinking that it looks like it's not finished yet, which I was also thinking was pretty fitting. What's the word for a building that you build so that you can build a different building around it?"

"I don't think I really know what you're talking about."

She frowns with consternation, twirling her fork around with her foot and flinging a few scraps of food onto the floor. "It's like a skeleton for a building, except that when the building is finished you take the skeleton off and the building doesn't turn into jelly because there's also skeleton parts in the building that are different from the main skeleton. Like how bugs have their skeletons on the outside."

"An exoskeleton for a building."

"Yeah. Like an exoskeleton. Except that you can take it off, and after you do it stays together because there's also an in-do-skeleton."

"Are you talking about scaffolding?"

"I don't know. Maybe that's what I'm talking about. Is that an exoskeleton for a building?"

"Eh… sort of?"

"Then sort of that. That's what the Eiffel Tower looks like. Sort of."

"I've never thought about it before."

"They should finish working on it."

"I'm pretty sure the Eiffel Tower is a finished project, Rin."

"They still paint it."

"What?"

"They still paint it. There was a thing about it on TV. Every seven years they paint it again. It can't be finished if they are still painting it."

"You watched a TV special on this? Is that why you were thinking about it?"

"Why else would I be thinking about it?"

"I don't know. Maybe you were thinking about it for no reason."

She hesitates, then reflexively smiles. It's cute, and it takes me completely by surprise. It makes me watch her more closely, which she is clearly conscious of.

"That's true," she says eventually. "But I wasn't thinking about it for no reason."

"Because you saw a thing about it on TV."

"Exactly."

"Did they say on TV why they repaint it every seven years? I don't think it's exactly an art project; the paint wears off with time. Especially with a big structure like that, you'd expect rain and wind and stuff to ruin the paint. They're not still trying to finish it; they're just trying to preserve it the way it was when it was finished the first time."

"But they still keep going back and painting it again. They even changed the colors. You can't change the colors on it if it's already finished."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not finished until you aren't adding to it anymore. If they're going to keep adding paint to it, then it's unfinished."

Something about this argument feels completely wrong to me, but it's hard for me to think of a valid counterargument. For someone that speaks so obtusely, Rin can be a pretty damn good debater.

"Can't you go in and make changes to something that's already finished?" I ask after a minute of thought. "After all, the people that would change the color aren't the same people that originally painted it."

She squints at me as though she doesn't really understand what I'm saying.

"Say, for example, I was to, without your knowledge or permission, take a painting that you've finished and then add another brushstroke to it. I've changed it, right? But as far as you were concerned, it was finished before. So, based on what you're saying, that painting was never really finished to begin with, even though you, the artist, said it was. And it never will be finished, because anyone else could later go in and make changes of their own. So no art could ever really be finished." I pause to reflect on my own words, then nod, satisfied with my evaluation. "God, I sound like an art teacher."

"But if it was already finished…" she says slowly, struggling to find the right word. "…why do they keep going back to work on it?"

"…Because they're still getting use out of it?"

"If it is already finished, then it seems like a waste. That's just delaying the inevitable," she says harshly, with an odd change in tone that is enough to give me chills. I don't think I want to talk about this anymore.

She drops her fork on her plate, which has been cleaned for a while. I'm surprised she didn't have anything negative to say about it- she's not exactly the type to spare my feelings. Maybe I've just lowered her expectations for my cooking to the point where this is nothing to complain about.

With a quiet sigh, I grab both of our dishes and deposit them in the sink, which is starting to become crowded with dishes that I am definitely going to get around to cleaning at some point.

I take a look at myself in the mirror to straighten my clothes out. I have to admit, considering the flak I was giving Rin, I look like a mess myself. It's been a long time since I went to any sort of big social gathering outside of work. I don't really even know why… I've just had my priorities in other places lately.

Rin appears behind me in the mirror, frowning dully. "Are you okay?"

She looks like she only asked me that because it seemed like what she was supposed to do.

I furrow my brow in the mirror. I don't even really know the answer to her question, to be honest. Am I anxious? I can't put it into words.

"I think so," I say hesitantly.

"…That's good, I think."

I turn to look her in the eye, rather than stare at her reflection. There's something between us… tension, or sadness, or… something. I don't know if it's her or me- or both of us- but it feels very unnatural.

"Rin."

"What is it?"

…She narrows her eyes a little, looking dim. For some reason I find myself acutely conscious of our height difference, as Rin has to tilt her head up very slightly to look me in the eye.

I didn't actually have anything to say. I just wanted to take a moment to gauge her, I think.

I decide that my nerves are just getting the better of me and absentmindedly mutter, "Nothing," without looking away.

She seems unsatisfied, and at the same time disturbed by her inability to come up with a fitting response.

"Are you ready to go?" I follow up, brushing past her to make my way into the hallway by the entrance.

"Yes."

Without even looking down, she slips her feet into a pair of sandals strewn on the ground of the hallway alongside a few other assorted, unpaired shoes.

I open the front door, and she wanders out ahead of me, not waiting. I trail behind her as we make our way to the stairwell, fixating on the number plates in front of each apartment.

608. That's my apartment. It's just a walk across the hall from Rin's, but it's a distance that I feel pretty strongly nonetheless.

We live on the sixth floor, and yet Rin virtually always takes the stairs. As usual, I take the elevator and beat her to the parking lot, but it's an empty victory, because the only thing I can think about is how that's exactly the kind of thing my doctor wants me to do. Rin practically never leaves her home unless I make her, and yet she still manages to get more exercise than me.

So, this is it. Back to Yamaku for the first time since I graduated. Even I get the feeling this is going to be a long night, and it was my idea in the first place.

In an impressive act of balance and flexibility, Rin opens my car's passenger seat door by herself using her sandaled foot. I'm sure by now that door is so permanently scuffed up that it wouldn't even be worth paying to get it refurbished… although the paint job was pretty crappy to begin with, to be fair.

I enter the destination into my phone and place it haphazardly in my cup holder. I know that the place isn't far out from the city, which should make it a simple enough drive, but it's been far too long for me to remember anything resembling an exact route.

Rin stares out the window for most of the trip, either intently thinking about something or intently not thinking about anything- either way, it would be rude to interrupt. Small talk for the sake of small talk is inane anyway, and driving through the city requires my attention.

As it turns out, our apartment is much closer to Yamaku than I thought. Even still, though, we don't arrive until a while after sundown, which I attribute to my own time wasting. The parking lot is mostly full when we pull in, which I assume means I got the specific arrival time wrong, but seeing as we don't have anyone to meet here, I don't think it really matters.

Signs plastered to the walls point us in the right direction, and we set off towards the cafeteria in no particular hurry. Rin in particular really takes her time, gazing all around the campus with some unwarranted degree of amazement. It's too dark to see very far in front of me, and the only reason I can get around at all is the beautiful moonlight blanketing the grass.

I point nonchalantly upwards, thinking out loud. "The full moon is really noticeable tonight."

"Be wary of werewolf attacks," she advises, frowning grimly.

"Why? Have you ever been attacked by a werewolf?"

"No, but if they were going to attack, tonight would be a good night to do it."

"Hm, especially in a crowded area like this reunion…"

"A crowded area also means that there would be a lot of good people to use as werewolf bait, though."

I take a glance around, and it occurs to me how few good hiding places there are spread out over the campus. I was feeling anxious before, but you really have to put everything in perspective. When you're standing next to a person for whom werewolves are a genuine concern in the back of their mind at all times, worrying about relationships feels kind of… trivial.

"We should hurry up and find Emi, then," I add. "She's fast and she has good endurance, so she would make good bait."

"I didn't think you would say something so heartless."

"I'm just being pragmatic, that's all."

We reach the entrance of the cafeteria, which seems to be the focal point of all the noise in a mile-wide radius. I open the double doors, and Rin steps inside in front of me, planting herself firmly at the entrance and turning lazily from side to side to take stock of the crowd. There's far more people here than I would have expected for a reunion like this, and it's a bit stifling.

Rin doesn't budge from her spot. I walk up behind her, spotting the bar at the other end of the room. "Do you want a drink?"

"No."

"Yeah, me neither."

We sigh simultaneously.

I'm not sure what to do now. Rin obviously isn't going to go and socialize with me, and I wouldn't know where to begin even if she was. I can't really remember anyone from my class that well- certainly not well enough to try and make small talk. Rin's approach to parties has always been 'stand still and try not to make any noise', which is admittedly feeling pretty tempting right now. But I'm never going to find Emi just standing around, considering she's too small and short to stick out in the crowd.

"C'mon, Rin," I say gently, tugging on the end of her sweater's sleeve.

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere."

That seems to satisfy her, and she wanders off into the crowd alongside me.

A few people decide to be so bold as to smile and wave at me, which I awkwardly return. For the most part, though, people are together in their own gangs and don't pay Rin and I any mind at all. It's interesting how well Rin fits into this crowd, visually speaking, since there are so many other clearly physically disabled former students. Usually the girl with no arms draws everyone's attention, but here it's like she's invisible.

The crowd is sparser towards the back. We find a small collection of tables, most of which are occupied by people in suits and fancy clothes. My eyes wander over to the bar, where the young and unfortunately overdressed bartender is getting chatted up by one of the few women that seems to be alone here. My first thought is that it's a little bit amusingly pathetic, and then she turns her head.

And then I look down. …She's got on prosthetic legs.

I don't know whether I should feel guiltier for laughing at her in the first place or for the fact that I think it's even funnier now that I know who it is.

Then she spots me. I raise my hand helplessly, feeling awkward for not recognizing her immediately, even from behind.

"Hey! Hey, guys!" she cries out, suddenly jumping up from her seat at the bar.

In one rather graceless movement, she swerves around the counter and dashes up to Rin and I, her face both shocked and excited.

"Hi, Emi," I say quietly, trying to draw less attention than Emi seems determined to. Rin thinks for a moment after my greeting and decides to simply nod in acknowledgment.

She's beaming at first, but apparently she remembers something, and her expression immediately morphs into one of pseudo-anger. "I can't believe you guys came!"

"It was Hisao's idea," says Rin.

"Oh." Emi shakes her head, distracted. "…You two. You two are on my shit list!"

Rin seems completely unimpressed by this.

I do my best to look like I'm taking her seriously to make up for it. "What? Why?"

"Why do you think?" cries Emi. "Where the hell have you guys been? I've barely heard from you at all lately!"

"We've been… busy. Doing stuff."

"Oh, bull shit. Everyone has been doing stuff! I at least expect a Christmas card, goddammit. " She pouts, which is unfortunately quite cute and thus probably counterproductive to the point she is trying to make.

"You never sent either of us Christmas cards."

"I don't know where either of you live!"

"Touché."

She crosses her arms, now looking a little more sad than angry. "I thought we were closer than just fake high school friends! I've kept in better touch with Miki-freaking-Miura, and I'm pretty sure she hates me!"

"I don't know who that is."

"She's one of my fake high school friends. Case in point."

"Ah."

"Hmph." She softens a little bit, looking over Rin with curiosity. "You guys came together, then?"

"I am his date," Rin says matter-of-factly, like she's recalling a piece of trivia.

"Coulda guessed that… you guys are cute together," she says reluctantly, just to communicate that she was almost angry enough to consider not saying it. She really is pretty awful at being mean.

Rin yawns contentedly. "Are we cute separately?"

Emi is disarmed by the question, but rolls with it. "Yes to you." She glances at me briefly and adds, "No comment on Hisao."

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean?" I ask incredulously.

"It means I'm still mad at you. Comb your hair once in a while."

"Screw you." I run a hand through my hair self-consciously. It's not that bad. I hope. "…Where's your date?"

"I haven't found him yet," she says with a mischievous smile.

"Did you lose him?" asks Rin.

"No, he's just not my date yet."

"Is he the kid tending the bar?" I ask, standing on my toes to look over Emi's head, which clearly irritates her. Serves her right, anyway.

"I dunno, do you think I have a shot?" She smiles confidently, puffing out her chest a little. "I think he's kinda cute."

"Kinda young, isn't he?"

"He's 21!"

"You're 29."

"Semantics."

"I thought you were swearing off men for good," says Rin, flapping her arms as though her interest has suddenly been piqued. "Or does he technically count as a boy because he's so young?"

Of course, it's not a joke, but I laugh anyway. Embarrassed and irritated, Emi throws her fists toward the floor, her face red.

"Would you two shut up?" she hisses. "When did I say I was swearing off men? I don't remember saying anything like that!"

"It's true, you did," I say with shrug. "You said you were going to swear off men for good and move to Somalia so you could finally live out your dream of being a pirate."

She thinks on it for a moment, then nods, amused with herself. "Well, what can I say? Maybe I'm just not pirate material. I was more thinking of the fun, swashbuckly kind, not the scary, AK-47y kind."

"True, you definitely couldn't scare people enough to be a real pirate."

"I- would you stop it?! Geez, with friends like these…" she trails off, failing to hide a smile. "…Hm… I've missed you guys. I wanna start hanging out again."

She frowns a bit more seriously, looking a little pensive. It makes me feel a little guilty, even though I know I shouldn't. It's not as though we've been deliberately ignoring her, after all.

"Look, I know it sounds like bullshit, but we really have been busy with stuff," I explain. "I mean… personal life stuff. It's more complicated than you'd think. But I'm sorry we haven't spoken more."

I glance over at Rin, who shrugs uselessly.

Emi just seems pleased to have an apology, and waves me off as I explain. "It's alright, it's alright! You really don't have to explain yourself. It's none of my business." She scratches her chin, leaning to the side to look at Rin. "I was just worried about you! You were in the news, you know that? And then you just kinda… disappeared. That's pretty unusual."

"That was a really long time ago; I haven't been… I haven't talked to any of the art people in a long time," Rin says uncomfortably, staring somewhere at the floor. This is one of her least favorite subjects, but I get tired of avoiding it, and despite what Emi says, I think she is owed some kind of explanation anyway. Against my better judgment, I decide not to cut in and change the subject.

"I know! Years, even!" Emi puts her hands on her hips, giving a disapproving frown. "And if I had never been able to get in contact with Hisao, I'd still be worried you were out lying in a ditch somewhere."

Rin tilts her head to the side. "Well… here I am."

"Here you are." Emi purses her lips, hands still at her sides. "So does that means you're not still painting? That didn't pan out…?"

"It didn't pan out," I reply quickly. "I don't think that's really a good environment to work in."

Emi is a little stricken by that response, but rebounds quickly. "…You know, I went to one of your exhibitions, ages ago. Told all the visitors there that I knew the lady who painted them, but nobody believed me." She sticks her tongue out playfully.

Interestingly, Rin fixates on me for a moment before turning her attention to Emi, whom she then focuses on very intently. "…What did you think?"

"Uh. Oh, I dunno. I mean, it was good! Really, really good!" Emi flails her arms around dramatically to make her point, though it makes her reaction seem kind of fake. "…I mean… you know I don't really get the whole art thing, but I just think you're so talented… I'm really sorry it hasn't worked out for you."

"Why did you apologize? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I just meant that it's too bad. I really thought that… um…" she trails off, evidently noticing the hesitancy on my face. "Well, I just thought being able to paint for a living would make you really happy. I thought it was a super cool opportunity."

"You shouldn't worry about it. It isn't practical to dedicate that much energy to things you don't know that much about," Rin says coolly, after a moment of thought. "There is nothing for you to be sorry about. I'm… happier now."

…Or so she thinks?

When Rin makes a statement like that, one that should be positive, it comes off as a question, like she's not even really sure why she's saying it. Damn it, what I wouldn't give to have her figured out.

I realize after a moment that I probably look as frustrated as I am, and so immediately begin to stare at my shoes. Nobody seems to notice, but it's embarrassing nonetheless.

"I'm happy to hear that," Emi says brightly. "I didn't know you were such an optimist, Rin!"

"I didn't say anything about optimism."

Emi giggles loudly. Rin makes the same confused face she makes every time anyone laughs at something she says. There is an odd moment of dissonance between them.

I notice a few people at the table nearest us whispering to each other as they look in our direction, and it occurs to me that Emi has probably been bothering all the other visitors with her noise. I guess she's a little overexcited.

"Emi, no offense," I say gently, "but I think you're bothering people."

Predictably, she looks startled for a moment before glaring at me defensively. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I think you're making too much noise."

"I am not!" She narrows her eyes and turns to my side. "Rin?"

"You're usually making too much noise," Rin replies, closing her eyes seriously.

"…Damn. Sorry."

Trying to be subtle, she turns over her shoulder and glances at the small group of people behind her, all of whom immediately notice her. Embarrassed, she lifts a hand and waves weakly to them, which apparently prompts their interest. A well-dressed man in the front raises a hand in greeting and approaches, and Emi snaps back to face me, now filled with regret. "…I… didn't think he would come over here."

Fixing his jacket very coolly, the man slips his way into our triangle, trying not to look imposing. "Excuse me- sorry, excuse me?"

"For what?" Rin asks immediately, not missing a beat.

"I- wh- sorry?"

"What should we excuse you for?"

"…What?"

The man fixes his glasses, as though he can't believe his eyes. He and Rin stare each other down for a few moments, both utterly lost.

"Sorry, can we help you with something?" I interrupt.

"Yes! Yes, sorry." With a flourish, he pulls his hand into the pocket of his tuxedo and pulls out a small black business card, placing it delicately between two of my fingers. I shoot him a strange glance before looking at it.

Beneath a complicated logo is a word I absolutely can't make out, followed by what I think says 'Enterprises' in English, along with a few other names, all emblazoned in gold in an extremely messy cursive font. I have no idea why he gave me this or what I am supposed to do with it.

He wastes no time in introducing himself. "I'm Kenji Setou; you may recognize the name if you-"

"Pardon?"

"Er. Kenji Setou. You may recognize-"

"-Kenji?"

"…Setou."

He fixes his glasses again, looking concerned. Now that I'm looking for it, it is clearly him, but he looks so neat and well put-together that I never would have realized it without hearing his name first. It's bizarre beyond words.

"Kenji, it's Hisao! From school! I didn't know you were going to be at the reunion."

He freezes as though I've caught him in a lie. This encounter went from awkward, to strange, to surreal in the course of about five seconds.

"Hisao."

"Yes."

"…Hisao."

"…Yes."

His face slowly morphs into an odd grin, and he snaps his fingers loudly. "…Hisao!"

"…Yes?"

"Hisao! Of course! I'm sorry; I didn't recognize you at first! It's just been a long time, and there's a lot of context to these meetings, you understand, and I… er… you know…"

…He doesn't recognize me.

What.

"Kenji, did you come over here for a reason? You're sort of interrupting… these are my friends. Female friends. I was in the middle of a conversation."

"Friend and female. Can confirm," says Emi, somewhat flirtatiously.

"Charmed. You would be?"

"Call me Emi."

They smile warmly at each other.

…And, time to pull the plug on this conversation.

"Kenji, I'm sorry, but we were really in the middle of something," I say brashly.

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I… got distracted."

He adjusts the cuff of his sleeve, smiling confidently at Emi, who just giggles girlishly in response.

Then he turns to Rin, who seems genuinely surprised to suddenly become the center of attention. "I was speaking with a few of my friends over there, and I just… couldn't help but overhear a bit of your conversation."

I glare at Emi, who shrugs guiltily.

"Alright, what about it?" I ask.

He glances back to me for just a second, then back to Rin. "Well, I don't mean to pry, but you wouldn't happen to be Tezuka, would you? Rin Tezuka? It occurred to me that, well, with the, uh… the…"

"The what?" Rin asks dryly.

"The… you know." He points haplessly to his forearm.

"Missing arms."

"Er. Yes."

Rin's mouth gapes a little, and she looks past him, directly at me. "You recognized my name from an exhibition I did."

"Yes, I believe I did! I'm glad it's you!" Kenji exclaims, clasping his hands together eagerly.

I glance over at Emi, who is apparently out in her own little world right now. Rin watches me desperately.

So… definitely, definitely time to pull the plug on this conversation.

"Listen, Kenji, if this is about painting or something-"

"-Look, I don't mean to impose," Kenji interrupts, "but we were just having a debate about whether someone of your… stature… would be interested in coming to an event like this! They… er, all of us are big fans, especially considering you're a product of Yamaku, and I was just hoping we could take a moment of your time to-"

"Kenji!" I shout, probably a little louder than I should. He turns to me with a look of genuine shock, and Emi seems suddenly concerned that I'm going to scare him away.

"What?" he challenges.

"Rin is here as a former student, just like everyone else. She's not on display. Get lost." I take a breath, feeling a little proud of myself. I know that was probably ruder than it needed to be, but considering how Kenji is, I'm pretty sure he needed something direct like that to get the message across.

And it seems to work, as he immediately scoffs at me and fixes his tuxedo again, apparently unable to come up with anything appropriate to respond with.

Rin blinks once. I thought I did the right thing, but… for some reason she looks even more agitated than before? She steadies herself, flapping her arms once and cracking the knotted ends of her sweater's sleeves out like whips.

All of a sudden, she looks serious. Deadly serious, like she's about to go into battle. She takes a step forward and looks Kenji dead in the eye. "No. It's okay. I'll go."

Kenji seems surprised by the news, and takes a moment to sneer triumphantly at me before turning to her. "Oh, thank you so much! I promise we won't take up too much of your time." Then he marches off towards his group of minions.

Rin slumps forward a few steps to follow him, but stops when she gets next to me. She turns on her heel to face me, takes a breath, and then lunges forward and forces her lips against mine- less like a kiss, really, and more like she needs my oxygen to survive.

It's the most passionate kiss we've had in a long, long time, and I curse every god in the heavens that it had to be in the middle of a crowd at my god damn high school reunion. It also wouldn't hurt to understand why it was happening, but honestly that would probably be asking too much.

With great force of will, I grab Rin by the shoulders and pry her off of me, and she stumbles backwards, looking a tad disoriented. We make eye contact for another split second, and then she dashes off in the other direction to finish following Kenji.

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, winded from the whole experience.

Emi does a double take- no, a triple take- and then takes a step closer to me, looking more lost than I think I've ever seen her before. "…What the goddamn shit just happened?"

"If I knew, I would tell you."

She blinks, frowning a little bit. "Is everything alright with you guys?"

"Yeah… I mean… I think so. I don't know what that was about."

"You seem kind of anxious about something."

"…Nope."

She glances back toward Kenji's gang. Gesticulating wildly, Kenji puts his hand on Rin's shoulder and pushes her into their little crowd, no doubt harassing her with questions.

Emi turns back to me. "You guys are so freaking weird."

"So what?"

"So nothing! More power to you. I'm just saying, I don't get you at all."

"I don't think I'm that hard to get."

She puts a finger on her chin, looking over me carefully. "…Why Rin?"

"Huh?"

"Why Rin? Why'd you pick Rin?"

"'Pick'? I didn't 'pick' anybody. We just kind of… I don't know. This is what feels right."

"It's just. Back then- and I mean this in the most loving way possible- I always kinda figured Rin would… you know, stay single. Stick to herself. She's always been a certain way with people, and… but… I dunno, it seems like you really got through to her in a way nobody else has."

"I'd really like to think so."

She smiles gently at me, crossing her arms. "Look, don't get me wrong, Hisao, you were pretty cute in high school. But if there was one person I never considered that you would end up with, it was Rin."

"…Are you coming on to me?"

She scoffs to hide her obvious embarrassment. "Shut up! I'm being serious."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. You can't always explain the way you feel. Rin just makes me happy, I guess."

"I'm happy for you."

It occurs to me- very abruptly- that Emi is jealous of me. She certainly does seem very eager to hook up with someone before the end of the night, and while I am still adamant that it be anyone else but Kenji, I can't help but feel bad for her. She's funny, personable, charming, and damn good-looking, too- in a totally platonic way, of course. It's hard to imagine how she could possibly be having boy trouble, and she doesn't seem to be able to understand it, either.

It's not like her confusion about Rin is unwarranted, either. I mean, just mathematically speaking, it really doesn't make sense that of the two of them, Rin is the one with a long-term boyfriend, while Emi is totally and hopelessly single. It's like a cosmic imbalance.

I feel like I should pat her on the back and say something encouraging, but that would probably be extremely patronizing, so instead I just smile awkwardly and stare at a spot on the wall, which is probably the next best thing.

"What a weird night." She takes a long sigh, thankfully ignorant of my social inadequacy. "You know, Hisao, I still remember the days that Rin and I were just a couple of innocent, bleary-eyed schoolgirls."

"Bleary-eyed schoolgirls?"

"Yeah…"

"…There were days like that?"

"Oh, sure," she says with a dismissive hand wave. "We would just sit around thinking about the future… I'd say something all cute and girly, like, 'I wish I could just find the perfect man, who really understands me,' and then Rin would say something all cute and girly, like, 'when you shake your head, your twin tails look like the fins of a large fish that's slowly trying to eat your brain.'"

"…That's a real conversation you had, isn't it?"

"Like a week after we met. Kids, right?"

Emi snickers to herself and smiles nostalgically, which makes me smile in turn. Her concern for Rin's well-being can be really touching, even if she can be a touch naive sometimes. I feel guilty for treating her like a stranger. I really should be making more an effort to be a good friend.

"Okay. You're right. I am anxious about something."

She raises an eyebrow expectantly. "I thought so! If you want to talk about it, I'm all ears."

"Fine, but I need you to promise me something first."

"Sure," she says tentatively, suspicious.

"Promise you can keep a secret."

"Yes. Absolutely." She nods gravely to cement the point.

"I'm serious. I need you to stay completely tight-lipped about this. Don't make a fuss."

"I won't, I swear."

"Fine."

I glance around briefly to make sure Rin is still completely out of earshot. Emi watches me in suspense.

Then I lean in slightly, keeping my voice quiet. "I'm going to propose tonight."

She blinks once, her reaction delayed. And then…

"Oh my god!"

Her sudden shriek makes me jump backwards in surprise, and the small circle of people on the other side of us, including Rin, all simultaneously turn to see what happened. It's officially a scene, the exact thing I was trying to avoid.

I glare at her incredulously. "Emi!"

"Sorry, sorry…" she says, red with embarrassment. "But… oh my god! Hisao!"

"'Oh my god' what?"

"That's just amazing! That's so great! I'm so happy for you!"

The onlookers, realizing there's no conflict, seem to mostly become bored and turn back to their conversations, to my great relief.

"Thanks, Emi. I just… I'm trying to wait for the right moment. It's really important to me."

"Do you have a plan? Gosh, this is so exciting!" She shakes her head like she's reeling from a punch, clenching her fists tightly in front of her. "Can I see the ring?"

Yeah, could have seen that one coming.

"I don't have a ring."

Her grin immediately shatters into a look of horrified disbelief. "…What?!"

"I said I don't have a ring. Keep your voice down."

"What do you mean you don't have a ring?"

"I mean, I did not purchase a ring. There is no ring to speak of."

"How do you not get a ring?! Are you kidding me? How are you supposed to propose without a ring?!"

"…With my words?"

"You can't be serious right now, Hisao. You need a ring. Everybody knows that."

"Seems like kind of a waste, if you ask me…"

"I- I can't even take you seriously right now. I don't- it's definitely too late to get one tonight… this is-"

"Emi, it's fine, seriously. She doesn't even have fingers; what the hell would she do with a ring?"

"I don't know! Put it on a necklace? Are you serious?! You really don't understand women at all, do you?"

"To be fair, this is Rin we're talking about. She doesn't really generalize to women overall."

She thinks on that for a second. "…Alright, fair enough. But still!"

"'But still' nothing. Trust me, I thought about this already! There's no point in getting a ring. Rin would probably just want to pawn it anyway."

"…man proposed to me without a ring, his ass would be on the curb…" Emi grumbles.

"Well, I'm not proposing to you, now am I?"

She rolls her eyes, pouting theatrically. "Answer me this. If you're not gonna get down on your knee, do that whole bit… then what are you gonna do? Don't tell me you're just gonna, like, super casually bring it up over drinks or something. 'Cause that would totally kill my excitement."

"No, I'm not. I have a plan. Don't worry about it."

"Okay. Then let's hear it," she goads, cracking a smile.

"It's none of your business."

"Then why'd you tell me about it?"

"Because you were prying."

"I was not prying! You offered this information up out of nowhere."

She crosses her arms expectantly. I guess I did kind of dig myself into this one.

"You'd think it was stupid."

"Bet you I wouldn't."

"It's embarrassing."

"Hisao." She takes a long breath and glares at me disapprovingly. "You do not get to just bring up 'two of your closest friends are about to marry each other' as a throwaway conversation topic and then try to bail on it when you're pushed for details. You may as well dangle a steak in front of a starving person. That is unspeakable cruelty."

She raises an eyebrow, daring me to challenge her on this. Her uncharacteristically cold and rational approach to this puts me off just enough to get me to budge.

I glance over my shoulder and watch Rin for a moment or two before responding. "You know that little path in the woods around the back of the campus?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, there's- ah, it's stupid."

"I will throttle you, Hisao."

"…There's a clearing if you walk far enough, where they don't cut the grass. Overlooks the school. It's a really good view of the whole surrounding area, actually."

"And what about it?"

"Well, you know. Rin and I used to go up there together, when we went here, way before… things got all complicated. It's like… our spot. It means something to me… and to her as well, I think."

"See, now, was that so hard?" She smiles triumphantly, clearly amused with me for being embarrassed, which definitely can't be helped. "So that's why you wanted to do it at the reunion? 'Cause you guys met here? Man, that's really cute."

"Wild dandelions grow up there. It's kind of amazing… it's one of the most beautiful spots on campus. It seemed like the only place where it would really feel right."

"Awwwww…!"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"I hope Rin appreciates what she's got going for her." Emi nods approvingly, apparently finally satisfied with this topic. "…When you guys have babies, I want to be Aunt Emi!"

"Emi, we aren't even engaged yet, for God's sake."

"Hey, I'm just staking my claim on that territory now. I would make a great aunt! It's like a personal ambition of mine."

"…Being an aunt is a personal ambition?"

"Yes, but I don't have siblings, so you guys are gonna have to do."

"Why don't you go have kids of your own?"

"There's a difference between being an aunt and a mom, Hisao. I would make a godawful mom. Never in a million years is that happening. Aunthood is where it's at. All the fun stuff without any of the responsibility."

"Gee, I sure am glad to know you're willing to make that sacrifice for us, then."

"Yep, you're lucky to have me." She pauses for a moment to appraise me, apparently still running down an endless mental list of questions. "What do your parents think about all this?"

Which is an irritating one, albeit one I should probably be concerned about anyway. "Who cares? It's not their decision; I haven't even told them my plans yet."

"Wow, really? Don't you think that might lead to a fight later? I know my mom would kill me if I did something big like that without bringing it up with her first."

"It will definitely lead to a fight. They don't approve of Rin. They think she's unmotivated, and that makes her a bad influence."

"Bad influence? That's silly."

"Tell me about it."

"What about her parents? Do they like you?"

"I don't know what they think of me… to be honest, I've only spoken with them a handful of times. They're sort of distant, you know? I think they're just happy that I'm around for Rin."

"That's better than disliking you, right?"

"Nice way of looking at it, I guess," I say with a shrug. "Look, there's still a lot I need to figure out from here, right? I'm trying to take it one step at a time. The family stuff can come later. I just want to friggin' marry her first."

"That's kind of sweet, if you think about it."

"That's what I think, too."

She smiles cheerily for a moment, but before she speaks again, her face sinks and she clams up.

I raise an eyebrow at her. "Emi, do you-?"

"-You're talking loud," says Rin.

…Says Rin, who is apparently standing directly behind me.

I jump with surprise, and Emi cringes as I whip around to face her. "Rin!"

"Hey," Emi says quietly.

Rin narrows her eyes a little and leans past me to look at her. "Hello."

Kenji and his gang watch us suspiciously for a few moments until they catch me looking at them, at which point they immediately get back to their own conversation. Judging from their expressions, Rin didn't give them what they wanted at all. Good for her.

"Rin, those guys… are you alright? Did you… could you figure out what to say…?"

With a start, Rin snaps back to me, staring at some arbitrary spot on my face. "Yes. …No. Yes. Wait. Something else. Hisao." She closes her eyes and takes a long breath. "Were you going to ask me to get married?"

"Oh."

Oh. Oh, shit.

I glance back to Emi, whose eyes look like they are about to bulge out of her skull. Immediately I'm pissed at her for being too loud, but that goes away quickly, considering A. this was probably my fault, and B. there are a million other, stronger emotions cluttering my head right now anyway.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What now?

Rin opens her eyes halfway, like she just woke up. She looks painfully indifferent, especially odd considering the small panic attack I believe I am in the middle of. If I said 'no', she would no doubt believe me- but then, I hardly want to lie just so I can postpone this until it's at a better time. Shit, shit, shit.

Okay, screw it.

"Wait, Rin. Give me a second," I say quickly.

She nods tentatively, making an uncomfortable frown. "…Okay."

"So. Yes."

I clench my fists, suddenly feeling like there's a swarm of eyes on me. I've never really been the type to get stage fright, but considering the circumstances…

I shake my head and look Rin in the eye again. "Yes. I was. And I was going to wait until I could bring it up in private… I had more of a plan than this, but it doesn't really matter, I guess."

She stays very still. I'm very hot; I must be blushing pretty noticeably. That's embarrassing.

I take a small step towards her, opening my arms a little. "Listen. I've been thinking about it for ages. It just seems like time. I love you so much, Rin. More than anything in the world. And with all the thinking I've done lately, I've just realized that the only thing I really want is to-"

"No. No, you can't."

"I… what…?"

"No." She shakes her head vehemently, making the eye contact she was apparently too anxious to make before. "No. You can't do that."

My face feels cold suddenly. "Just… okay, Rin, just listen, please-"

"No. No, no, no, no…"

"Rin…"

"Stop it."

I run out of words pretty quickly, and I find myself completely speechless as I watch her. She slumps her shoulders a little bit and takes a step backward, looking wholly overwhelmed.

"No, no. You can't ask something like that." She shuts her eyes painfully. "No. Never mind. I'm going. I don't want to be here."

Emi takes a step forward, and Rin opens her eyes forcefully, startling her.

"Wait. Don't," Rin commands. "I'm going. Sorry."

Breathing unevenly and looking on the verge of a mental breakdown, Rin brushes past me and storms off into the crowd, disappearing out of the double doors. Obviously my first instinct is to follow her, but I think I am physically unable to move from my current spot.

It's not what I wanted. I never wanted to corner her in public like that. It's just wrong in every conceivable way. Aside from what I wanted, even, I didn't want to do that to her.

The room seems very quiet, and it takes me a moment to realize that it's not just me- the conversation around me actually has died down, as everyone nearby is now intently focused on what just happened here. It's really just insult to injury, and I can't will myself to say anything about it.

I stay frozen there for a while, which seems fitting. After the initial shock wears off, I feel something ram into me from the side and realize that Emi wrapped her arms around me. It's funny; with her head pressed into my ribcage, she really seems especially small in comparison to me.

"Hisao?" Emi whispers. It sounds like her voice is echoing from somewhere else.

"Yeah?"

"That was…"

"I know."

"Are… you gonna be okay?"

"I don't know."

With a dramatic sigh, Emi lets go of me, shooing my confused spectators. I feel nauseous.

She shifts a little closer, tiptoeing as if too much noise will frighten me. "I wonder where she went…"

"I know where she went."

"…Are you gonna go after her?"

"No. She needs space."

"Yeah, maybe…"

"Yeah."

"So, what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know."

Having to do anything sounds like a lot of work at the moment.

I glance across the room, laying eyes on the bar again. A drink sounds much more enticing than it did when I first got here. "Wanna do shots? It's free."

"No," Emi sighs, "and neither do you. You don't want to get drunk right now."

"You know what? Believe it or not, I kinda do."

She bites her lip, evidently torn between scolding me and pitying me, though I'm not fond of either. "…Fine. Then I'll spot you."

"Fine."

She starts off toward the bar, tugging on my arm, and I am finally able to move my feet off the ground, though they feel like they weigh fifty pounds each. The bartender sees Emi coming and becomes visibly apprehensive, but relaxes when he notices a man at her arm. She must have been coming on pretty strong to the poor kid.

I slump into one of the stools, and Emi props herself up in the seat next to me.

She sighs and rests her head on her arm, gesturing to the bartender. "Heya. Two beers please. Something that won't send my friend home in a body bag if he drinks a shitton of it."

What an irritating thing to say.

I shoot her a glance. "That's not what I…"

She rolls her eyes at me.

…Whatever.

The bartender seems very off-put by the two of us, but complies with the request. The beer tastes like crap, which is funny because most of the stuff behind the counter looks hilariously overpriced and aristocratic.

I lift my glass in the air, raising a toast to my own failure. "You know, for a month and a half I've been telling myself that the worst case scenario was that she would just say 'no', and we would figure it out from there. But I was wrong; this is so much worse."

"How so?"

"What do you mean, 'how so'?"

"How is it worse than that? What's stopping you from figuring things out with her now?"

"I just… she doesn't even want to look at me right now. I never thought she would do something like this. I didn't think it would go like this. I never anticipated this."

"Well, hey, this is Rin. We don't know what's going through her head, right?" Emi sighs and takes a sip of her beer, making a face at the taste of it. "You had to have been prepared for her to do something weird and off-the-wall, right?"

"Don't do that. Don't talk about her like you know her better than me."

She glares for a second and throws up her hands. "Fine. You're right. Sorry. I'm just saying, nothing is ever easy and straightforward with her."

"Well, it's not like I expected her to freak out and break down with tears of joy or anything. I knew it might be more complicated than that. I expected that we might have to talk about it… or… I just… I just didn't think she would just… flat-out reject me like that. You don't understand what…"

"-You're right, I don't understand. I'm really sorry, Hisao."

She raps her fingers on her glass and frowns with sympathy, and it's so sad and genuine that I forget for a second how much she's annoying me. I focus on stewing instead.

"…I really think you should go talk to her," Emi says after a few minutes.

"I don't want to make things worse."

"How can you possibly do that? You don't even know what's going on right now. At least talking to her will help you understand your situation a little better."

"I didn't ask for your advice."

"Well, you're getting it."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend, and Rin is my friend, and I'm trying to be a good friend myself."

She huffs self-assuredly to make it clear that she has no intention of leaving me alone. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"…Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome." She sticks her tongue out at me light-heartedly. "'…I guess.'"

There's something especially unpleasant about being unable to be mad at someone when you have nothing to do with your misplaced anger. Emi, of course, is particularly good at weaseling out of it.

"Sorry. I'm sorry," I say tiredly. "I'm… taking this harder than I thought I would, I guess."

"Of course you are! How couldn't you?"

"It's just that I think this is my fault, in a sense. If I had paid more attention, I would have seen it coming. I never wanted to put her on the spot, and I think part of that is because I knew she would do something like this. I guess I just told myself that I was overthinking it."

"Have things been good with you guys up until now?"

"I really thought so. But maybe not. I mean, sometimes she gets kind of distant. But Rin has always had a hard time with relationships, you know? I've just been trying to make this work for her. I want her to be happy."

The conversation Rin and I had in her apartment a while ago floats to the top of my mind. So much has happened tonight; it's hard to believe that it was only a few hours ago.

"Wow, you're really in love with her, huh?" Emi asks, almost impressed.

"More than I think I have any right to be. Oh, you have no idea, Emi." I lay my hands down on the counter, suddenly feeling frustrated with myself. "I'm not just in love with her. My goddamn life revolves around her. I daydream about her. I surround myself with her. I can't even- she's like a parasite in my brain, taking over my thoughts."

"That's a Rin analogy."

"…Yeah, I guess it is." I can't help but laugh, even though it's kind of depressing.

"Well, look, I don't want to be the one to say this, but… you know the expression." She shrugs casually, pursing her lips. "'If you love something, set it free'… right?"

"Pft. Easier said than done. Besides, it's more complicated than that. It's not as though Rin wants me to just bail out of her life… I certainly don't believe that."

"I don't know what she wants. I'm just saying, you both obviously miscommunicated about something… if you need to sort it out, sort it out, but… maybe what you guys need right now is just to spend some time apart from each other?"

"That's rich, coming from someone hounding people for a date like her life depended on it."

That was mean… I really shouldn't have said that.

Well, too late now.

She scowls a little and glares at the table. "…I'm not hounding."

"You're hounding a little bit."

"No, I'm not."

"Just a little."

"I don't have to do this, you know." She gestures to the crowd behind her. "I have other friends. Miki Miura is very talkative."

"Fine, point taken. But I'm not giving up on Rin that easily."

"What do you call this, then?"

"Contemplating."

"I call it moping."

"When Rin is ready to talk to me, she'll find me."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes…"

She shrugs and takes another drink, then pushes it forward and taps on the counter to get the bartender's attention. "Hey, can I get a screwdriver?"

He sighs very quietly and takes her beer away. Watching him makes me kind of uncomfortable.

"…Maybe not," I say quietly, after a few moments of thought.

The bartender sets Emi's drink down with a loud clink, to make sure he gets her attention.

Emi smiles cheerily at the bartender before turning to me. "You can't spend your whole life waiting for somebody else, Hisao."

"Oh, God…"

I'm thinking of my landlord again. I'm going to have to tell him something, and soon. I'll be stuck in apartment 608 for another couple of months, at least. How long am I going to keep waiting?

I feel myself growing steadily angrier with Rin, for stringing me along if nothing else. Feels like déjà vu. But I know that's not fair.

Somewhere along the line it all just hits me, and my eyes get blurry with tears that come out of absolutely nowhere. Emi notices this and rests her hand on my shoulder, which startles me.

"Hey, hey, no!" she scolds with a sad smile. "I'm vetoing that. If you cry, I'm gonna cry, and then you'll be responsible for making a pretty girl like me break down in tears in public. You don't want something like that on your conscience, trust me."

"Fair enough," I chuckle, wiping my eyes rather pathetically. "Sorry I'm such a goddamn mess right now."

"Eh, caring about people does that to you sometimes." She hesitates for a second, trying to choose her next words carefully. "Can I tell you something? I have never had a steady boyfriend. Not once in my whole life."

"Really? You?"

"Yes, me. And thank you for being surprised; that's the closest thing I've gotten to a compliment since I showed up to this damn thing." She laughs wryly, like she really is a little bitter. "The number of failed relationships I've been in is larger than your phone number, and yet almost every single one has been my fault."

"Well, why do you keep bothering with them, then?"

"Because I'm lonely. I'm extremely lonely. And I hate that about myself, because it makes me feel weak."

Her expression is hauntingly sincere. It makes me wonder how I ever chalked her up as immature or naive, since I'm not sure I'm even capable of being that honest or insightful with myself.

She shrugs depressingly. "Sometimes I think I'm not even capable of honestly connecting to people. That kind of closeness really scares the crap out of me, you know? But I'm gonna keep trying anyway."

I'm a bit speechless at first, but eventually something worthwhile to say does come to me. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think you have a really special relationship. You're lucky that way. And you've got no excuse for squandering it."

She downs her nasty-looking drink in one go and spins around in her stool, setting the glass upside-down on the counter behind her. She's finally got me- I can't think of any response at all.

Thankfully, I don't have to. The lights dim a few moments after Emi spins around, and someone taps on a microphone to silence the conversation in the room. I turn in my stool and mimic Emi, facing the front of the room to get a better look at what exactly is going on.

"Uh, hi- uh, hello everyone… good evening," says a portly man near a set of tables at the entrance. "…Er, so, thanks for coming out. I didn't teach when you all went here ten years back, so… I know you all probably don't much care to hear from me, heh… heh heh…"

He wipes sweat off of his forehead and adjusts the microphone. Emi rolls her eyes with anticipation, which makes me wonder whether she knew in advance that there was going to be a speaker.

"Uh, s-so, anyway," the man continues, "we just wanted to take the opportunity to reflect on things, uh, a little bit. I- uh, we got in contact with one of the graduates from your year, and I know he has a speech prepared; just a little something to, eh… to do that. So I don't want to hold that up any longer. Without further ado, um… Kenji Setou, everybody. I'm sure many of you remember him… so…"

There's that name again. It seems like Kenji is just determined to inject himself into my evening as much as possible, as much as I detest the idea. He seemed so obnoxious and fake before; I can only imagine what kind of speech they got him to prepare.

As soon as he's called, Kenji appears from behind the man and grabs the microphone, adjusting his frameless glasses and throwing out one of his hands like he's greeting an old friend. "Thanks, thanks; alright, take a seat, buddy." He flashes a quick smile and turns to the crowd. "So, yeah, hi, everyone. I'm Kenji; you may remember me, you may not. Either way, welcome back to Yamaku. I'd say you all look well, but according to my optometrist I think that would probably just be a 50/50 guess."

Light chuckles echo throughout the room. I wonder when he learned to play a crowd like this. It's like he's always performing… what a way to live.

"I know what you're all thinking," Kenji declares with a dismissive hand wave. "What's with this asshole in the suit? Why are we trapped here listening to this? Nobody came here for a lecture, right? We graduated so we could be done with them." He shakes his head dramatically, chuckling to himself. "Well, this is only going to take a couple of minutes; I know we're all still catching up. I just want to make a little statement, maybe create a little perspective. Because this is about more than just catching up, isn't it? This isn't just some party. And God knows we don't need an excuse to get drunk with our friends."

He holds out his hand, and the sweater vest man passes him a bottle of water, which he takes a long drink from. "No, no, there's meaning behind this, right?! This represents something. Something more than, 'look, we're all still around.' We didn't just graduate from high school, we graduated from Yamaku. And that means something." He takes another drink. "Alright, alright, do me a favor. I want you to picture, just for a second, your first day at Yamaku. It's something I'm sure everyone can remember, right? Does an image strike you? There was- is- an atmosphere here, a distinct one. No matter what your background is, no matter how you ended up here, there is a reaction that I'm sure we can all share. Canes, and dark glasses, and bandages, and prosthetics. It's a strange feeling to become a part of a place like that. Even if you yourself are 'healthy', so to speak, you became enculturated. It's the structure of this place. It's how engrossed you felt in everyone's health, and in trying to pretend to be 'normal'. For some, it was new, and for some, I'm sure it had followed you your whole life. But it was there, right?"

He shrugs and takes another sip of water.

The speech makes me think of Rin again, as though I needed an excuse for that. If I had never met her, I would be sure what Kenji was saying was right, judging from my own memory. But Rin has never worked that way. She's always been free from that kind of thinking. I envy that sometimes.

Kenji soldiers on regardless. "Now think on your first week. Your first month. The people you met. People that you're probably surrounded by right now!" He does a broad gesture with his arms. "How long did you spend thinking about all that other nonsense before you had to start stressing out about a test, or getting to club meetings, or making friends? Think about how quickly it turned normal for you. You may have had to go to the nurse every day. You may have had to take three dozen pills before every meal. Who knows? But that's got nothing to do with your memories of this place, or of your education, does it? You did make those friends, you did take those tests, and at the end of the day, you got along fine. And here we are, ten years later, and, well, damn, there's canes and dark glasses and bandages and prosthetics here, too, but that's got nothing to do with it, does it? That's not why we all came tonight."

He shakes his head a little neurotically and hands the water back, gripping the microphone with both hands. "Okay, where am I going with this…? Listen. They called me up and asked me to give a full-fledged speech. They wanted me to talk about my organization and the charities it gives to. Rattle off names, do some gloating. They wanted me to talk about the kids I'm giving a second chance, because those charities are paying their tuition here. But I thought that would miss the point. 'Cause, shit, who am I giving a second chance? Who is Yamaku giving a second chance, for that matter? That's not what this reunion is about. Not second chances. It's not about making up for our 'problems'. Playing catch-up. It's about… adapting."

He sighs loudly into the microphone, leaning back on an unoccupied table. Dramatically removing his glasses, he makes a serious face as though to seem down-to-Earth. "I don't want people to look at my achievements and say, 'Wow, look at how Kenji overcame the odds. Look at how much a Yamaku kid was able to accomplish.' No, that's the wrong mindset altogether. Because, say what you will about what I've done with my life… the real accomplishment is one that everyone here has done. I adapted. I'm a part of the world. A regular guy. It's not because I got a second chance, and it's not because I played catch-up. It's just because… I adapted. And everyone here has done that. That's what we should be commemorating tonight. Commemorate all the little things in your life you have to be proud of. The normal things. Your husband or wife. Your kids. Your career. That's the point of this. Be glad that Yamaku gave you the space to do it, but don't give anyone credit for what you've done. Because you adapted, too. That is the point of this. And the only thing I want to do is make sure everyone here realizes that."

As though Kenji didn't seem enough at odds with me before, his speech makes me feel oddly defensive. What the hell kind of adapting is he talking about? As though there was some reason anyone in this room shouldn't be able to make it in the real world. Everyone claps, and I wonder how much of it is just out of courtesy.

What do I have to commemorate, after all? A wife and kids-? Obviously not… is that how we're supposed to judge the worth of our lives now? Is there some kind of prescribed method to it?

I'm happier simply… being.

Kenji throws up his hands guiltily at his applause, chuckling to himself. "Okay, okay, that's my cue, right? Yeah, my fault for saying 'a couple minutes'. Fine, fine, I'll just say this. It's a beautiful night out, so if you want to get some air, the grounds are completely open for the rest of the evening. High elevation here, so it's good for your lungs. And if you're worried about students… well, most of the kids are gone for the summer, but if you see one, just give 'em a dirty look and tell 'em it'll be their turn next decade." He raises an arm to gesture toward where I'm sitting. "Enjoy the open bar; that's totally on me. Be nice to the poor kid, he's been in that suit for four hours now. Aaaand… that's all. Have a good night, everybody!"

The lights flicker back on over the rest of the room as the sweater-vest-wearing man takes the microphone back from Kenji, tapping on the mic and letting it screech through the speakers again. After a few minutes of getting back to normal, everyone gathers up again and gets back to fraternizing, though I notice a handful of couples heading out the double doors, presumably at Kenji's recommendation to walk around the campus. I hadn't even realized it was a question as to whether we were allowed to go out or not- if I had, I might have stopped Rin earlier. Then again, I probably wouldn't have been able to summon the willpower to stop her even if I had wanted to.

For some reason, I don't quite feel the same way about it now.

"You said Rin just disappeared out of the news, just like that," I say quietly, although honestly I'm talking practically as much to myself as I am to Emi.

"Yeah. It was pretty weird," Emi says with a shrug.

"It was for the best, trust me on that. She hates the work. She hates to sell her art, and she hates being forced to paint specific things immeasurably more than that."

"Why?"

"Long story."

"…Yeah, I figured."

"Do you remember the exhibition she did while we were still at school?"

"You mean the one she unceremoniously bailed on? Of course I do."

"Yeah, well, it's a little more complicated than that, but yes, that's the one."

"What about it?"

"Those people, they're insatiable… they're like the Hydra. Chop off one head, three more grow in its place."

"…What?"

"What?"

"I- nothing," she says after a moment, chuckling to herself.

"They hounded her for ages after that. I pleaded with her to do something about it, and not ignore them, and she didn't listen to me."

"But I thought she went to art school."

"She did. That's my point." I lean into the counter, which is much less comfortable of a position than I expected. "I think it's because I kept telling her to make a decision. I pushed her too hard. If I had just not gotten involved, I know she would have figured it out on her own. Every single time… I push her too hard, and she just… gives. And yet, I keep doing it. Every damn time. Because I'm an idiot."

"-Because you're worried about her!"

"I shouldn't be."

"How couldn't you be? You love her!"

"I wish I could justify it that way."

"So, what, then? You think you pushed her too far this time? You said yourself that you don't think she wants you out of her life!"

"I don't think that."

"Then what the hell, Hisao?!"

I raise one hand in the air, thinking. If nothing else, it feels good to talk to someone about this. I'm grateful that Emi realizes that. "It was four years ago that you stopped hearing about her in the news, right?"

"Uh. Sure, that sounds about right. Maybe a little less."

"The reason it was so sudden was that she just up and quit without any warning. There was this whole team of people she left behind- she never even warned them. She just left."

"Weird."

"It gets weirder," I continue. "She literally showed up on my doorstep; did you know that? She can't drive, so… on that same night, she walked- for two hours, in the cold, at night, in the middle of November- and showed up on my doorstep. After I hadn't heard from her in two- almost three years. She's lucky I was even living in the same place."

"…What did you do?"

"Well, what could I do? I brought her in. She lived with me for a few weeks after that, until I helped her get her own place. It was like she was sick- seriously ill. The life was just drained out of her."

"I never knew about this…"

"Yeah, I don't really talk about this kind of thing very often. It's… personal, I guess."

"No kidding."

"We still don't live together, but we have never really been apart since then, you know? We probably talked for hours on that first night, and she told me that I was the only thing that really made her happy. The only thing."

"Wow…"

"I know. I mean, how do you even respond to something like that?"

"Do you think she really meant that?"

"Rin doesn't say things if she doesn't mean them."

"Hisao, that's-"

"I'm just so sick of everything being so complicated, and confusing, and… I really want so badly for her to be happy. But it feels like every time I try to get closer to her, or move things forward, or do anything, I just end up making things worse somehow. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

I cough a little at the end of my spiel and follow it up with an unpleasant swig of beer. Emi watches me with distaste.

"I don't know if I can deal with this anymore," I mutter.

"Well, I know for sure that I can't deal with your depressing ass anymore, so we're going to have to figure this out, aren't we?" Emi smiles optimistically to let me know that she's teasing, and I can only imagine how unfitting the frown I give in response is.

She clasps her hands together, obviously doing her best to look supportive. "Look, this is all I'm trying to say, Hisao: Maybe you will fix things. Maybe you will move on. But either way, you owe it to yourself to do something. The one thing you cannot do is just… quit… and sit around here wallowing in self-pity." She takes a breath and sits up, giving me a firm, sportsmanlike look. "You should know this already- I don't let anyone do that, let alone my friends!"

"…I don't-"

"Please. Please, Hisao."

I make the mistake of looking directly at her puppy-dog eyes, her secret weapon. Funny, I almost forgot about that. There's a hint of sadness or desperation behind them, like this is really important to her. And I just don't think I have the energy to say no to her.

I force myself out of my seat with a titanic amount of effort. "Okay. Fine. You're right. You win."

"I do?"

"Do you ever not?"

"…As if," she says with a cute smirk.

I take a few steps forward, though I am painfully anxious about the whole thing.

Even still, it is something else entirely that compels me to stop and turn around.

"Emi."

"Oh? What is it?" she asks, genuinely surprised to see me stop.

Emi smiles at me effervescently. Strangely, it takes a few moments to find the right words. Maybe I've been letting my priorities get more out of order than I thought. "Just. Thank you. You're a really good friend. I appreciate it, and I'm here for you, if you need it."

She looks a little dumbstruck for a moment, but recovers pretty quickly and shakes her head. "Oh… um… thanks, Hisao."

"Yeah. Of course."

I'm not sure what else to say, and I just made the situation unbelievably awkward besides, but I'm still glad I did. Emi seems pretty embarrassed, but as I turn to leave I catch a glimpse of a smile- just enough to vindicate me.

Even if I end up alone, I really hope that things go better for her. Somehow, I'm pretty optimistic on her behalf.

I feel more confident the further I walk, as though every step reassures me a little bit more. It's unusually sanguine for me, so I guess Emi's attitude really did rub off on me a little. I really need to remind myself to be less cynical.

It's as dark as ever outside, but I know exactly where to go. There's a little gate out around back that leads into the woods that still feels very familiar to me. It's rusted over a bit, and I have to force it open… it must have been a hassle for Rin to get it open, but even still there's no doubt in my mind that this is the way she went. It's even harder to see in the woods, since the trees obscure the moonlight, but it doesn't give me any trouble because I already know the way.

I barely get an arm's length along the path, though, before I find another shadowy figure wandering around, same as me. I assume it's Rin only for a split second before realizing that it's about a head taller, blonde, and dressed in a distinctly un-Rin-like skirt and blouse.

The woman seems startled to hear me coming, and jumps a little as I get closer to her. "Hello?"

"Oh, uh. Hello," I say awkwardly, raising a hand in greeting.

"I'm sorry; I assumed I was the only one to go out this way in the dark. Are you one of the students returning for the reunion, as well?"

She stumbles over her Japanese very slightly- her accent is fairly strong, but I'm not exactly sure how to place it. In the dark, it takes me a few moments to realize the object in her hands is a cane- and another few after that to realize that she is blind, and using it to navigate. I blush with embarrassment, but then, I guess it doesn't really make a difference.

"Yes, I am," I say with a shrug. "My name's Hisao… I'm sorry to startle you; I was just looking for someone."

"Oh, well, it's funny you should say that, Hisao, because I'm looking for someone as well." She smiles gently, with an air of formality. "I am Lilly Satou. It's nice to meet you."

"Uh. Yeah. Good to meet you, Lilly."

Actually, she seems kind of familiar, and I get the feeling we knew each other at school. She clearly has no recollection of me, though, so it seems pointless to mention that.

She laughs very gently at my awkwardness, raising a hand daintily to her cheek. "Hisao… I wouldn't want to make any assumptions, so please excuse me if this comes across as a bit impertinent, but if we are both going in the same direction anyway…"

"Er. No. Not… impertinent… at all. Ask away."

"…Could I perhaps hold onto your sleeve for the walk? The terrain is a bit difficult here with the underbrush, and they don't maintain it very well…"

"Oh! Uh, no, that- I mean, yes, that's fine! Of course you can."

"Thank you very much. That makes things easier for me."

Lilly folds up her cane and tucks it away into some mysterious pocket as I sidle up next to her and hold my arm out. I'm blushing furiously, of course- in equal parts from the fact that I was just propositioned to walk arm-in-arm with an uncomfortably attractive blonde woman and from the fact that I have no idea what the proper etiquette is for dealing with her. She delicately places her hand over my arm before sliding it down onto my sleeve, and I watch her with discomfort. Her behavior and speech feel so stilted and formal, even for a stranger. I get the feeling she and Rin would not get along at all.

After a moment's pause, I begin walking along the path again, leading Lilly carefully along at my side. She seems very contented to have a guide, and it occurs to me that it must be exceptionally difficult to look for someone in the woods if you can't… you know, look for them.

"So you lost track of someone as well?" she asks calmly, just to break the silence.

"Uh, yeah, sort of. She came out here to be alone for a while."

"Oh, I'm in exactly the same situation," Lilly laughs. "The woods are just about the only place nobody is going, I think, so I suppose it makes sense that they are a good place to escape to. Who exactly are you looking for?"

"Rin Tezuka. You probably don't know her."

Lilly recognizes the name instantly, and makes a disconcerted face. "The painter? Oh… yes, I do know her, actually. I had a number of rather interesting conversations with her during my time at Yamaku. She is quite the personality, if I recall."

"…Yeah, I guess that's one way to describe her." I scratch behind my head with my free hand, still struggling to keep up with this woman. "What about you? Who are you looking for?"

"Oh, just a close friend of mine. Trust me, I can assure you that you definitely aren't familiar with her."

"Oh."

I am perfectly content to leave it at that, mostly because I feel extremely awkward about this, but Lilly does not seem to pick up on that at all. I have to admit, I am a little impressed by how comfortable she seems around strangers.

"She has a difficult time with strangers," Lilly continues. "I don't want to seem overbearing to her, of course, but it can be difficult to find the right balance between trying to help her and trying to give her space and autonomy."

I do a double take to look at Lilly's face, which she doesn't seem to notice. "…I know exactly what you mean."

"Hm. You sound very sincere about that," she notes with a small smile.

"I am."

"It's funny how something that should be as clearly beneficial as friendship can be so difficult and complicated."

"I guess all you can do is try to be supportive and hope for the best. I mean, she's the only one that can really say what's best for her, at the end of the day."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," says Lilly, smiling charmingly and brushing a strand of blonde hair out of her face.

…I'm not sure if I'm exactly sure what just happened, but it certainly was strange. She seems totally unaffected.

We walk for a while longer- most of the way down the winding dirt path, in fact- but the place seems totally deserted. I doubt Lilly is going to have much luck with this mystery person of hers.

I don't even really know where the Worry Tree is… probably just wherever Rin decides it is. Even still, I keep pushing forward, inexplicably confident that it will be somewhere along the way.

And eventually- quite inexplicably indeed- it pays off, and I find Rin slumped cross-legged on the ground in front of an old maple tree. Her eyes are closed, but I can still tell that she's awake. She doesn't react when she hears us approach- I think she's just trying to melt into the tree and disappear.

It doesn't work.

I realize that I still have another woman attached to me, and I slow to a stop in front of the tree without any idea of how to proceed. With an absolutely staggering amount of awkwardness, I set my free hand over Lilly's on my sleeve to get her attention, and she tilts her head inquisitively.

"It's Rin," I say curtly.

A bit confused, she pulls her hand away and holds it at her side. "Oh! I'm sorry, Hisao. I don't want to keep you. I can go alone the rest of the way."

That sounds good to me, but I'm still programmed to be courteous. "Oh? We're pretty deep in the woods; are you sure you can get back on your own?"

She hesitates for a split second, and very briefly I catch what seems to be the slightest trace of irritation. "Yes, but thank you for looking out. I will be fine on my own." She snaps her cane out to full length and taps it once on the ground with a degree of finesse. "It was very nice to meet you, Hisao. Thank you for the company. Have a nice evening."

"Yes. You too, Lilly."

I wave as she walks away, though she obviously can't see it, which makes me cringe at myself. I don't have much time to dwell on that, though, because Rin finally seems to be paying attention.

"Who was that?" Rin asks quietly.

"Lilly Satou."

"Oh."

I stare at Rin in silence for a little while, though she doesn't look up to make eye contact with me. Her sleeves hang just above the ground, the knots keeping them from touching the dirt. She looks less ratty than she did before. Beautiful, in fact.

Now that I'm in front of her, I can feel some of my anxiety returning to me, but I suspend it. "Do you want me to leave?"

She stares firmly at the ground, not looking at me. The green of her eyes stands out in the dark, like the eyes of a cat. "I never know what I want you to do until you do it."

It's hardly an invitation, but it's not exactly a staunch rejection, either. I need to say this- whatever 'this' is- so I take a seat in the dirt. The ground is cold and uneven, which feels appropriate, if nothing else.

For a few minutes, we just sit in silence while I collect my thoughts. There are so many different things I want to say… so many directions I want to take this… but I'm too afraid of saying the wrong thing to start talking.

Then, out of nowhere and with no real prompting, the words just start spilling out of me. "When I was in college, after you left and we stopped seeing each other… I had to work so hard to put you out of my head. It was like washing out a stain. I didn't have any real relationships; I just kind of worked for a long time to put you behind me and focus on moving on with my life, you know? I felt kind of… hollow, for a while. I don't know if that's the right word, but it feels right."

She doesn't react at all. The more I speak, the more conscious I become of how my voice is just about the only thing making noise out here in the middle of the woods. I wonder if Lilly has gotten far enough away yet to be completely out of earshot.

"After I got my degree, I met another girl, and we really hit it off, and things went really well for a while, but then… out of nowhere, one day, six months in, we were in her bed in the middle of the night, and I just looked at her and I realized… that the whole time I was with her, I was thinking about you." I sigh and clasp my hands together. I don't know if she's even listening, but I feel like I'm doing this more for myself than for Rin. "It was just a few months later that you came back. It was the craziest thing. I told myself we were… I don't know. Inevitable. You know? It's insane…"

She slumps dully off the tree, still not looking directly at me.

"I've put in so much energy to try and make things work between us, Rin. I keep telling myself that that's what I need to do, for myself, and… I don't want to give up on it. I care about you, and I love you, and the last thing I want to do is to give up on you. But you're not… we're not… I mean, we're sort of… stagnating. And I didn't really realize it… or… I haven't come to terms with it…"

I feel myself starting to crack a little bit. I just wish she would make eye contact with me, or something. I can't totally explain it, but I'm filled with a painful, foreboding dread…

"Rin, I need something from you."

"What…?" she whispers drearily, almost inaudible.

"Please look at me…"

Slowly, she cranes her neck up to look me in the eye. She looks kind of afraid, just like me.

"I just need to hear it from you." I clear my throat, forcing my own words out. "Just be honest, okay?"

"Okay," she whispers again.

"Rin, do you still love me?"

She takes a deep breath, her eyes widening a little bit. She stares through me, like she's coming to some kind of momentous, apocalyptic conclusion.

But she doesn't say anything. For over a minute, she just thinks, staring in my general direction. I wish I could say I was hurt, or confused, but I'm not even surprised by this response. It's something I could have seen coming a long time ago, if I was being honest with myself. Not that that makes it any more difficult to accept.

I shrug, asinine of a gesture as it might be. "It's okay. It's just… I'm so sorry that I tried to-"

"-Yes."

"Tried to… to…"

I trail off hopelessly, caught totally off-guard by the sudden firmness in Rin's voice. I can't help but stare at her, completely at a loss for words.

"My answer is definitely yes," she says, more quietly than before. Her expression is soft and kind of vulnerable, like she's now afraid of what I'm going to say. I'm totally flabbergasted by the sudden shift in tone.

I hesitate for a moment. "Rin…"

"I'm not usually good at explaining this kind of thing. I don't really know how to say…"

"You don't have to. Really, you… you don't have to… Rin…"

There are tears in my eyes now, which I was determined to hold back. But they really caught me by surprise this time.

I climb onto my knees and close the distance between us, pulling Rin tightly into a hug. I think it's more for my benefit than hers, but she totally humors me, resting her head against my shoulder. Her whole body trembles a little, and for a moment I think she's about to start crying, too. But she never does.

"Hisao…" she says quietly.

"Don't."

I manage to blink the tears out of my eyes without really breaking down and seriously crying. Still, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There's some kind of invisible tension that's been released, and I never even realized it was there until now.

"Hisao…"

"Shh."

She shifts a little, pressing the left side of her body against my shoulder blade. "Hisao, the zipper on your jacket is stabbing me in the boob."

"Oh!" I release her immediately, and she slumps back against the tree, smiling a little bit. The brief moment of levity takes me off-guard, and I laugh with embarrassment, adjusting the zipper on my pocket. "Sorry, I didn't realize…"

"That's okay."

"Okay."

I laugh again, more loudly than before, but just for a couple of seconds. Rin's expression hasn't changed at all- if anything, she looks more distressed than before.

"I'm sorry for putting you on the spot," I say after a while. "I didn't mean to. I wanted to propose in private, but Emi asked me about it, and…"

"It doesn't matter. That doesn't bother me."

"Oh."

She holds her expression, watching me thoughtfully. I curse myself for not having anything more insightful or helpful to say.

"Damn it, Rin," I mutter, "I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong."

"You aren't doing anything wrong. That's what's wrong. No, that's not true. I mean, you aren't doing anything wrong, and that's why what you did tonight was wrong."

"I'm sorry. I just don't understand."

"I was thinking about that, too. This has been kind of an experiment."

"What has?"

"Us being together. All the time. I thought about it a lot even when we weren't, but then all of a sudden we were and I don't think I know when it happened."

"Rin, our relationship is not an experiment."

"Do you understand me?"

At first it seems like she is changing the subject, but somehow this seems like the only question she could have asked.

I stare into her eyes for a few moments. Her gaze is curious, maybe, but… distinctly content. "No… I don't think I do, Rin. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I do, but… then you surprise me again."

"That's okay."

"It is?"

"It is." She narrows her eyes a little. "I love you."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm more sure than I ever was before. And that's why it's okay."

"Why does that make it okay?"

"I don't know. And I don't like thinking about it, because it confuses me even more." She frowns harshly and leans her head back against the tree. "It's not how I think I think, or how I thought I think. And it's not just hard to talk about, but it's hard to think about, too. The only reason I don't like thinking about it is because I don't understand it, and I don't understand it because I don't like thinking about it, because it's a good thing. So it shouldn't even confuse me. But it does."

"Now you're confusing me."

"I'm confusing me, too. Everything is different, which is good, but I don't get what's different, so it's really not. It's like waking up in a world where trees are made of cotton candy, but they're still green so nobody knows you can eat them. So everything is completely different, but it's still completely the same. It's just the same world as before, but with cotton candy trees."

"That sounds really disappointing."

"I know. It's like the biggest tragedy in the world. I tried to paint it once when I was thinking about that, but even that didn't help at all, because it came out all wrong. I didn't even want to look at it, because it was like the painting was lying to me."

"You just didn't understand how you were feeling."

"I know."

She breathes heavily, a little worked up.

It takes me a moment to figure out exactly how to continue. "Do I still make you happy?"

"Yes, but also sort of no."

"Then what's changed? I haven't done anything differently from what I did before, have I?"

"You didn't try to marry me before."

"I- well, okay. But what does that matter?"

"I don't know."

…Urgh.

I slide a little bit closer to her, and she makes eye contact with me again. "The thing I want to know, Rin, is… if you're more sure you love me than ever, and you want to stay close with me, and we're as close as we've ever been, then… why? Why don't you want to take this step? Of course we don't have to; we never have to if you don't want to. But, just… why?"

She takes a dramatic pause, like she suddenly understands what I've been trying to ask. "Because you're going to die."

She nods once to affirm this answer, looking both certain and rather unfazed by it. It's the first time I've ever heard her say anything like this, and I have absolutely no fitting response whatsoever.

"…What?!"

"It's because you're going to die."

"But… of course I'm going to die! …I mean… you're going to die, too! What's that got to do with anything?!"

"You said that you were going to be dead before you reached 30."

"What?"

"You said that you were going to be dead before you reached 30."

"…When did I say that?"

"When I came to your apartment after I left the people at the art studio. You said that you were going to die before you reached 30, because of your arthrythmia."

"Arrhythmia."

"Yes."

"…God, Rin." I put a hand to my forehead, struggling to remember this conversation. It's true, I almost certainly did say something like that. And it's not even a bad prediction, necessarily… but…

"…I was exaggerating."

"So it wasn't true?"

"I- well, I don't know if it was true or not."

"So you weren't exaggerating."

"I might have been. Look, it doesn't- I don't understand! What has gotten into you, Rin?"

"That's a good question." She frowns seriously. "Something really bad, that was never there before. Like one of those worms that live in your colon and eat all your food before you digest it. Only, instead of my colon, it's in my brain. And instead of eating my food, it's eating my thoughts. And instead of a worm, I don't know what it is."

"You have a tapeworm that lives in your brain and isn't really a tapeworm."

"Yes. Exactly."

"And it makes you think about the fact that I'm going to die."

"I don't know. I guess so."

"But you already knew that."

"But I never thought about it before."

"So what changed?"

"Nothing changed. But I found you again. And then you didn't leave. And then… you never left. So, something did change." She blinks once, like she doesn't really understand it herself. "…I did."

"…Rin…"

"I didn't mean to do that."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"Yes, there is. Because you are still going to die."

"Please don't-"

"-And when you do, it's just going to be me and the tapeworm." She takes a raspy breath, suddenly hardening and staring at me very direly. "And before, that might have been okay. But now, I can't deal with it. Because we're closer now, when that happens, I'll be more alone that I have ever been in my entire life. And the more you get close now, the more alone I will be later. And I can't live with that."

"You can't think like that. Please."

"I don't want to. That's why you need to stop doing the wrong thing. You can't ask me to get married, or anything like that."

"So, what, then? You want me to just leave? Is that what you wanted after all?"

"No. I don't know. Wait." She tilts her head down. "Please don't leave."

"I can't do everything."

"I know."

"Rin, I wish I could tell you I will live forever. But even if I could, that would defeat the whole purpose. It's not about what's going to come next. It's about what I want from life now. The truth is, I could be dead before I'm 30. I could also live for another five decades. The thing about arrhythmia is, I just don't know one way or the other." I shrug indifferently. "…And hell, forget that. I could get hit by a truck two hours from now. A meteor could crash down and kill everyone on Earth two hours from now. I can't think about all that all the time."

"I don't want to think about any of that, either."

"Then don't. Because there's nothing you can do about it anyway."

She still seems totally unsatisfied with my answer, to my dismay. I wring my hands together, trying to explain myself better.

"…I'm alive now, aren't I?"

"As far as I can tell."

"Well. If you're going to spend this time worrying about what's going to happen when I die, then it's like I'm already dead, isn't it?"

She frowns thoughtfully. "I don't know."

"I want to marry you because that's what's going to make me happy now. Our relationship is what is important to me now. And I'm not going to let it suffer just because it's not going to last forever."

"I think it's like the Eiffel Tower," she says slowly, like she's having an especially hard time putting the words together. "And you keep trying to paint it again. Do you know what I mean?"

"…You said that was just delaying the inevitable."

"…Yeah. That's it."

"…Well. That's wrong."

I get to my feet suddenly, full of some kind of Emi-like resolve. It suits me pretty damn well, too, if I do say so myself.

Rin stares dully at me for a few seconds, before I tug on her sweater by the shoulder and force her to stand alongside me.

"Here," I say with a shrug. "This is something I wanted to do anyway."

The path doesn't go on much further now. I lead Rin up the hill, but obviously she knows where I'm taking her before we ever get there.

The clearing looks incredible in the moonlight. The center, devoid of shade, is probably the brightest spot on the whole campus right now.

There are no dandelions. The whole area is cut short. I guess they finally started mowing up here. That feels right to me.

Even in the middle of this moment, a little part of me fantasizes about my silly little proposal going off without a hitch up here. But I think it's better the way things turned out. Much more… Rin-like.

There's one tree that is grown a bit further into the clearing than the rest. It's really a bit too small for two people to sit under, but I sit there anyway, and Rin slumps down next to me. There are crickets or something up here that break the silence, which is soothing in a way.

"What did we do the last time we came up here?" I ask quietly.

"I don't remember," says Rin.

"…I don't really remember, either."

The lights glare from the building way down at the bottom of the hill. I wonder what Emi is up to. Maybe she gave that bartender kid her number. I don't think he would ever call, but eh… she's out of his league, anyway.

"What happened to living in the present, huh?" I say after a while.

Rin doesn't respond. She leans into my shoulder, her breathing gentle.

"Let it go. You taught me to do that."

She lets out one long breath. "I think I want to cry right now."

"You can, if you want."

"…No, I don't think I'm going to."

"That's fine, too."

She takes a deep breath and rests her head on my shoulder, which makes me smile just on instinct.

"Listen," I say after a little while. "…I don't think it really matters if we get married or not. Whatever we do from here on out, really, doesn't matter. This, right now… it's exactly what I want. The reason I like being around you in the first place is that you let me focus on this. You have to understand… it's the only thing I want to keep. For as long as I can. We can just forget everything else, and enjoy this. That's the whole point."

I take a long sigh and rest my head against the back of the tree, which feels much less like a pillow than watching Rin would lead one to believe.

Rin doesn't answer me.

"Rin?" I ask quietly.

Still nothing. I nudge her. She doesn't react.

"…Rin?"

Still nothing.

She fell asleep.

…I can't possibly think of anything more fitting.

I laugh- it's loud, and kind of obnoxious, and scares some of the crickets away. It echoes off the trees around the clearing, but it still doesn't wake her, somehow.

I have no idea where we'll go from here.

And now I can't stop laughing.