IV Vertigo

Another loud beat coming from his chest made his eyes fly open, but all he could see was the darkness that filled the room like a dark cover. It was the third sleepless night in a row for the boy.
It had been more than two weeks from Key's birthday, but still Taemin couldn't explain what really happened that evening. He couldn't get off his mind Kibum's closeness, and the feeling of his hot breath crushing on his own lips still filled his entire being. But those sensations were so new to him that he could barely believe that something like that had actually happened.
Every day and every night had been a torture to him since then, and having the object of your thoughts (and troubles) living with you didn't help at all. Having Key always around him mixed him up more and more, and he couldn't even think straight.
The thing that pissed him so much was the fact that Key didn't seem so confused as he was. It seemed like nothing had happened to him, he was the same cheerful and sarcastic boy as always.
Why am I the only one troubled by this?
He thought in the darkness, surrounded by the softness of his bed, while an hand run up to cover his tired eyes.
He thought that now that Key and Onew were out for a few days to take part in a TV-show he could at least think about his feelings in peace. But he got it wrong once again.
During the day all he could do was searching unconsciously for his smile and his feline eyes, during the night he was unable to fall asleep without his breathe heading him to sleep. He still hadn't realized it until that night, probably the first night without having them sleeping in the same room after their almost ki-
Argh, this won't help me falling asleep!
He said to himself, turning around and facing the highest bed in front of his own. Of course he couldn't see anything, but he could still sense the lack of Key's presence and the lack of his calm breathe, a soft symphony that Minho and Jonghyun's breathes could not fill.
He sighed out loud and, without noticing, his thoughts focused on that damned moment once again.
Having those lips so close without tasting them. Having those hands around his face, holding him close, and..
This is so damn frustrating!
Taemin face had turned bright red, and he could feel the blood rushing up to his face. But his face wasn't the only place were blood was running to, and when the boy noticed the bulge between his legs, he couldn't help but burying his face within his hands, trying to escape from himself and from his own body.
His mind was a total mess and now even his body was betraying him. A deep sigh came out from his lips.
But he wasn't going to let his instincts get the upper end; so he got up from his bed, giving up on trying to take some sleep, careful not to wake his hyungs, and headed to the kitchen.
He turned on the light and he felt even more ashamed then before, seeing that presence between his legs. He looked away, flustered and still pissed, and then took a glass of water, drinking it in one swallow.
After the third glass, his body had returned calm and even his mind seemed quieter.
He really needed to think seriously upon his situation and his feelings, that were now impossible to ignore. If just some months ago he had sensed something strange inside him, now he was extremely sure: he had feelings for Key.
Just the fact of admitting it clearly with himself had made him blush. But when did it started? He didn't know. Key had always been an important person, someone to rely on, even since their first meeting. He had always been there with his sarcastic smile, and he seemed to understand him more than the others did.
Of course Taemin knew that their relationship was an atypical one.
So.. does this means.. I'm in love?
His heart skip a beat at that thought. In love? Him? Was that real love?
And moreover, if he was in love with him, a man, does this means he was.. gay?
He unconsciously shook his head at that though. It wasn't like the thought of being gay had scared him, he didn't have anything against them, to tell the truth, he haven't ever thought about being gay.
He simply wasn't.
He himself didn't know well why, but he knew that the feeling of attraction he had towards Kibum was something different from physical attraction. He wasn't attracted to men, he was attracted to him because it was Kibum.
Just him. No sex, no lust.
His heartbeat was raising again. Well, at least he had come to know something. Even if he had the feeling that that something would have been really troublesome.
A little smile came up on his lips.
Who would ever know that he would fall in love with Kibum?
But a little voice inside his head suggested the answer : he had known that Kibum was special since the beginning. And he was fine with it.