Ah finally! After what feels like forever I finally have this chapter done. The ending is kind of rushed, but I was excited to almost have it done. I'm not entirely sure when the next chapter will be up, with school and the musical going on, but hopefully it won't take as long as this one did.
Chapter 4
Stand in the Rain
(Demyx)
So stand in the rain, stand your ground, stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown. And one day what's lost can be found, you stand in the rain. –Superchic
My dreams keep getting weirder and weirder. Last night I dreamed about Xigbar making fun of Xaldin, and Xaldin sent this whirlwind towards him and knocked him off of a cliff. Everyone else is having dreams too, but no one talks about them too much. Roxas mentioned that the night he got sick, he dreamed he was on a rollercoaster, but he kind of avoided talking about other details, like there was more to the dream that bothered him. In my dreams everyone is always wearing the same black coat, even me, and at times seem to be in control of stuff, like my dream two nights ago when Axel set a flower on fire and Marluxia got mad at him. The least strange in all my dreams in Luxord, who still gambles, but he has giant cards around him.
I shut the notebook and ran my thumb absentmindedly over the cover. I glanced over at the calendar my mom had brought me, each month with a different picture showing water. The month of August had a picture of the ocean, the water crashing against a large bunch of rocks. I looked at today's date, my stomach clenching a little when I realized what day it was.
Today was the first day of school. The first day of my senior year.
And instead I was stuck in the midst of a mental hospital. Sighing I set my notebook down on my bed and left my room, looking for something to distract myself. I wandered down to the second floor. I glanced up at the clock. My appointment with Dr. Reynolds wasn't for a couple more minutes. I sighed and looked around the hall, bored. It was mostly empty. It was that odd time in the afternoon after lunch, but there is still hours left until dinner. A brilliant idea suddenly hit me. Eagerly I looked down the hallway, seeing how much room I needed. I wasn't wearing any shoes, which made it all the more better. I took a practice slide, sliding down to the very end of the hallway.
I waited until the hallway was clear before I started running. I sprinted to the middle of the hallway before I let the highly polished floor take over. Nurses looked at me in surprise as I slid passed them, laughing at I went. Why hadn't I done this before? I bet I could find even more slippery hallways to slide down in this place. It can be my new hobby. Hallway sliding.
I was fast approaching Dr. Reynolds's door. I turned slightly to the side, ready to skid to a stop when…WHAM! The heavy wood door opened with a bang, smashing into my nose. The force of the blow knocked me off balance and sprawling onto the floor. The door swung back a little and caught Dr. Reynolds on the side of the head. Surprised he pushed the door back open and peeked around it at me on the floor, blinking and covering my nose with one hand.
"Demyx, whatever are you doing?" The nurses and patients in the hallway, who had been in stunned silence, began to giggle.
"Wewl, Ie washaboot tu rack the recure fer the lunges hullwaee slid eer." Dr. Reynolds sighed with slight impatience at my muffled voice.
"Demyx I can't understand you with your hand over your face like that." He stood there awkwardly, looking down at me. I took my hand away, running the back of it across my nose. It was bleeding.
"I said, I was about to break the record for the longest hallway slide ever." I pushed to my feet, feeling the blood from my nose start to drip. Quickly I covered my face again.
"And was this worth it?" He led me into his office, after yelling the nurses to find someone to clean up the blood that had escaped onto the floor. He handed me a box of Kleenex that was sitting on his desk. I wiped the runaway blood off of my chin and neck before placing a couple of tissues underneath my nose.
"Yea! I would so do it again, without the door in the face part." I moved around to sit in front of his desk, setting the Kleenex box back down.
Dr. Reynolds stared at me blankly. "Ok. Let's just move on. I'm on a tight schedule today." He shuffled through some loose papers and folders on his desk before he pulled out a folder that had my name written in black Sharpie across the front. He opened it and settled back into his "I'm going to ask you a bunch of bull shit questions and you are going to answer them truthfully or else" pose.
"How have you been lately Demyx?" He picked up his pen, poised and ready to write notes.
"I've been fine." I breathed through my mouth, swinging my feet back and forth.
"And how is…" His voice trailed off as he shuffled through papers in my file. "Myde?" I knew what he wanted me to say. Myde who? I don't know this Myde you are talking about.
"He's been good. Yesterday he told me about this turtle that he found by a lake. It doesn't seem like a very interesting story, but it was. I guess you would have to hear it from him yourself." I smiled brightly at the psychiatrist. His expression had hardened some.
"Demyx you have been here for over a month now. Aren't you started to realize the Myde isn't real?" I sighed. Here we go.
"I can't. Myde is real. Very real. I can't just ignore him and think that will make all my problems go away. I would have more problems if he wasn't here to help me with them." I shifted in my seat. The man across from me was making me uneasy.
"Fine. Let's go a different route this time. Would you say that Myde is similar to you in personality?" Doctors and their weird questions.
"Well, sort of. I guess he is more….serious than I am at times. But I guess that's a good thing." I threw the tissues away and snatched a couple more out of the box, pausing to admire the little blue antibacterial dots on them. I like blue.
"And you still haven't even started to consider the fact that Myde is not real?" I sniffed hard, trying to resist the urge to sneeze. Sneezing when you have a bloody nose is not a pleasant thing.
"Why would I do that? Myde is real. He just doesn't talk to you or come around when I'm with you." Dr. Reynolds raised an eyebrow at me.
"Oh? And why is that?" I could tell by his tone of voice that he was not pleased with me, as usual.
"He doesn't like you. He says you and your army of brainwashers are trying to corrupt me." I didn't know if Myde would be mad that I had told him this, but the look that crossed Dr. Reynolds's face was worth it.
"Demyx, no one here is a brainwasher or trying to corrupt you. We are trying to assess your mental issues and correct them so you can live a normal life."
"Normal? I'm pretty normal already. I still don't see what is wrong with me." I threw the second wad of tissues away and snatched a third round out of the steadily emptying box. "What do you think is wrong with me that I'm no longer seen as 'normal'?"
He sighed heavily and looked at me as if he was about to tell me that my dog had died. "After going over the notes taken during your sessions, the recollection of your behavior from your family and friends, and after studying your brain scans, we believe you have a case of schizophrenia." I stopped sniffing up blood and stared at him.
"Schizophrenia?" I stared at him questioningly. My head was starting to hurt from being slammed by the door.
"Yes Demyx. However, your case is not mild, but it is not severe either." Like that was supposed to make me feel better.
"Wait…who are these 'friends' you asked about me? I didn't have any friends before I came here. Everyone thought I was insane and had ADHD." I narrowed my eyes curiously at him.
"Speaking of that, you do have a mild case of ADHD, but it's very mild. But never mind that. According to your father in a recent interview, you also have two very….unique phobias."
Damn. I was hoping those wouldn't come up. Play it cool Demyx, Play it cool. "What phobias did he tell you I had?" He shuffled through some papers and finally pulled out one and put it on top of the stack.
"It says here that he claimed you have Helminthophobia. The fear of being infested with worms." He looked up at me, eyebrow raised. "Why is that so scary to you Demyx?"
I huffed and slid down in my chair. "Hey do you want to be infested with worms? Because that doesn't sound like a trip to the cotton candy stand to me." The corners of his mouth twitched slightly.
"Alright, you do have a point. But your other phobia is not as explainable. Linonophobia. The fear of string. How can you be deathly afraid of string?" A flicker of amusement flashed across his eyes. I frowned at him. How could he find this amusing?
"Because when I was barely two years old I got tangled up in a roll of string I found in my mom's sewing drawer. I tried forever to get out of it, but it just kept getting worse and worse until the string was wrapped around every part of my little two year old body. It was tangled in my hair and was brushing against my eye and was preventing me from moving." I shuddered just at the memory of it. It was one of my oldest memories, and my worst memory.
"And so how did you get out of the string?" He began writing on the paper next to the header Linonophobia. Probably writing down how amusing all this was to him and making a reminder to bring it up again and again.
"My mom finally heard my screaming and cut me out with a pair of scissors. It took a long time for her to get me out though." I threw the third wad of tissues away, grabbing a single tissue to wipe at my nose with. The bleeding had stopped, but my nose was still throbbing.
"Well Demyx, a fear of string is not a healthy thing. We will need to get rid of this irrational fear as soon as possible." A sinking feeling of dread starting to spread across my stomach.
"Why? Why can't I just avoid string? It's not that hard, I've been doing it my whole life."
"If we can cure you of this phobia, it will help your process of returning to a normal life." I scrunched my nose in disgust.
"Do you want to cure my other phobia my dad forgot to mention too?" Dr. Reynolds sat up straighter.
"What other phobia is this?" He picked up his pen, poised and ready to write down what I was about to say.
"Papophobia. The fear of the Pope." A smile spread across my face. I ducked my head to cover up my giggling.
"The fear of the Pope?" He raised a doubtful eyebrow. I could tell he knew I was lying, mostly. I didn't have a phobia of the Pope, but he wasn't on my to meet list.
"When you said that you were going to give me something to 'keep me occupied', I didn't think you meant cleaning." I pouted and swirled the mop around in the steamy dirty water.
"It's just mopping Demyx." Elaine shook her head and smiled, her springy brown hair bouncing around her shoulders.
"Just mopping? Just mopping? I could be doing something more worthwhile right now! Something more exciting and entertaining and more……epic. I could be doing something more epic." I picked the mop up and sloshed it deep into the water. I wrung it out some and let it plop onto the floor. Little puddles spread quickly around my mop. Elaine sighed and shook her head at me again.
"Just try to be a little neater with it and not get puddles of water everywhere. It will be over before you know it." She walked briskly down the hallway towards the cleaning supply closet. I pouted down at the bucket and mop.
"Stupid mop." I muttered at it underneath my breath. After a few long, boring strokes across the floor of the main hallway, I couldn't take the boringness of it anymore. I took a firm grip on the handle of the mop and tried to slide gracefully across the floor with it. It didn't work, and all I managed to do was lose my balance and fall to my hands and knees. I stared down at the shiny floor in distaste. It was shiny; it didn't need mopped at all. I hauled myself up from the floor and picked up the mop again, returning to boring side to side strokes across the floor.
"Demyx? What are you doing?" I looked up from the already too clean floor to discover Axel standing next to the yellow bucket, looking at me with one eyebrow raised.
"Mopping. Dr. Reynolds wanted to give me something to keep me 'busy'." I moved farther down the hallway, dragging the mop behind me.
Axel laughed. "Have fun with that." I sighed and put the mop back into the water.
"What are you doing down here at this time anyway?" I quickened the strokes of the mop, hoping to get done faster.
"I had a late appointment with Dunbar." Axel watched me, a look of boredom on his face. "Well anyway, have….fun mopping. When you get done the rest of us will be in my room." With that he left me standing alone again in the hallway. I watched him saunter passed the elevator and up the staircase, like always.
I watched the floor become wet with every back and forth movement of the mop, eager to get done. I worked my way as quickly as I could down the hallway, my stroke with the mop getting sloppier and sloppier the closer I got to being finished. When I finally reached the end of the hallway I slid my way back to the janitor's closet and dumped the yellow bucket of dirty water into the slab of concrete that held a drain. I hung the mop up just like Elaine had showed me before I left, taking the elevator to Axel's floor before anyone could catch me and ask me what I was doing.
"About time you showed up." Larxene commented from her spot in the desk chair as I came crashing through the door to Axel's room. Our little group that had started out as just Axel, Marluxia and I had grown with the addition of Zexion, Larxene, and Roxas. Roxas was lying on Axel's bed, his eyes half way closed from the exhaustion of being sick.
"When did you get out?" I asked him as I flopped down in the middle of the floor.
"A couple of hours ago." Roxas mumbled into Axel's pillow. He sighed and hugged the pillow closer to him. He was taking up most of the bed but Axel didn't seem to mind for once. I noticed Zexion's eyes flick over to me quickly before he looked away again. Secretly I smiled. Zexion wasn't sure or not if he was gay. I did, I could tell. It was slowly becoming obvious that I was the main reason Zexion was wondering this. The thought made my heart flutter. I liked Zexion. Sure I hadn't known him for very long, but he was cute, in that quiet not exactly emo way.
"This is boring. I say we do something else." Larxene twirled one of her antennae around her finger, looking at each of us in turn. Her eyes slid over me and I focused my eyes away from hers. Honestly, Larxene kind of freaked me out. There was just something about her eyes, I think. Or her smile. Or the way she laughed. Or just her in general. I glanced up at Roxas on the bed. He flinched slightly and buried his head back into Axel's pillow. At least I wasn't the only one that was freaked out by her.
"And what would you suggest? We are in the middle of a mental hospital that's laden down with cameras around every corner." Axel snorted and leaned back against the wall next to his window.
"I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out." I could have sworn she muttered "bastard" under her breath.
"Trust me; Demyx did the most exciting thing today by mopping the floor." Axel replied, a slight edge on his voice.
"Why were you mopping the floor?" Zexion looked up at me from across the room. Our eyes connected and after a moment he shifted his eyes back down.
"Because Dr. Reynolds wanted to give me something to keep me occupied for awhile. It was insanely boring and I'd rather not talk about it." I sniffed; trying to look like mopping the floor had traumatized me. Axel raised a slim eyebrow at me, but didn't reply.
"Yea yea let's move on already." Larxene huffed and drummed her fingers on the desk top, glancing up at the clock resting on the top shelf. I crinkled my nose at her impatience. I hated when people didn't have an ounce of patience and were always go! Go! Go! all the time. I watched Marluxia study her from across the room. The way he was watching her reminded me of a curious rabbit watching a group of people walk down the street, but keeping its distance. It was obvious that Larxene was intriguing to him.
"Move on to what? At least we had a conversation going. It's more than what was going on before." Zexion looked up and locked eyes with her, never letting his eyes drop or blink until she looked away first. Even if Zexion was quieter than most of us, at least he would speak up when he wanted to and didn't let others intimidate him.
"Well what do you want to do?" Larxene huffed and tried to beat Zexion in a glaring contest again. She lost.
"Everyone has told you a million times already. What do you expect there is to do in the midst of a mental hospital?" Axel sighed and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. I watched him mouth the word why and had to stifle my laughing into my shirt sleeve.
"Fine. I think I'm going to go back to my room anyway. You guys are boring, and here I was thinking that a guy with red spiky hair and a flamboyant pink hair would actually be worth my time." She stood up from the desk chair and turned her back on us. Marluxia's eyes narrowed. He was kind of uptight about people thinking they could make fun of him just because of his hair color. I half expected him to stand up and shove Larxene into a wall, but he didn't move an inch from his spot on the floor near the foot of the bed.
Larxene left in a flurry, slamming the door shut loudly behind her. Roxas sighed "At least that's over." He sat up enough so that he could look out the window at the street below.
"I really dislike spending much time with that girl." Zexion muttered, staring at the spot that Larxene had recently vacated.
"Me too. I say that we vote her off of the island." I smiled, pleased when everyone else in the room at least smiled a little.
"Or take her in the back alley and shoot her." Axel pretended to pick up a shotgun and reached out with his other hand to pet the air. "That's a good girl Larxy. No, no, hush now. This isn't easy on us either. But the brutal truth is that your rabies are a threat to the rest of the world and we have to put you down. But I'm a good shot and you won't even realize that you're dead." He shouldered the imaginary gun and pretended to shoot it, complete with sound effects and falling over backward as if the discharge of the fake shotgun had knocked him over.
Marluxia scoffed and raised an eyebrow at Axel. "You can dream Axel." He flipped a few loose strands of hair out of his eyes. Axel sighed and sat back up.
"Unfortunately Mr. Flower Petals is right. I don't have a gun and have no way of getting one." His eyes quickly scanned the room and fell on the little drawer in the bedside table. His eyes lit up. "But I do have these." He bounded over to the drawer, nearly taking out Zexion in the process. Zexion ducked his head and grumbled something as he scooted away to a safer place. He crawled towards me and sat back down, close but not too close.
Axel pulled his hand out of the drawer and waved a little box around in the air. I followed the little box, trying to figure out what it was. Marluxia figured it out before I did. "Where the hell did you get matches from?" He hissed.
"The janitor's closet across the hallway from the dining room. They use them on Christmas and stuff when they light those candles and put them in really high places." Axel shrugged as if it was nothing. "I got them after I stopped to talk to Demyx earlier." He ran his fingers over the little box as if it was his prized possession.
"If they catch you with those you'll never be seen again!" I whispered, glancing over at the door. "They'll put you in isolation!"
"If they find them, and trust me they won't." He tossed the little box from one hand to the other. "I have tons of hiding places that their little searches haven't been able to pick out yet." He took out one of the matches and lit it on the side of the box. Axel let it burn down until it touched his fingertips before he blew it out, a little tendril of smoke rising and making its way towards the ceiling. Roxas, who was closest to Axel, inhaled the smoke through his nose and coughed, burying his head into the pillow.
"Lighting a match in here isn't going to help you any. It's going to smell like smoke for hours now, and the window doesn't open far enough to get rid of the smell quickly." Zexion added, watching the tendril of smoke lose shape as it started to dissipate around the little room.
"Eh I'll find a way to get rid of it then. But I love that smell. Don't you? It's so relaxing and yet…arousing at the same time. Depending on the situation." I noticed his eyes flicker towards Roxas for a second.
"Pyro." Marluxia muttered, waving his hand in front of the face to clear some of the smoke away from him. Axel lit another match, waiting even longer this time to blow it out. My eyes started to water a little.
Axel took out a third and lighted it too. "Stop!" I stood up and bounded across the room and snatched up the match. I opened the window the couple of inches that could open and threw it out into the night. It was a bright little spot for a brief second before the wind blew it out and it tumbled down into the street below.
"What did you do that for?" Axel cried, staring out the window after the long gone match.
"We are all going to smell like smoke now and you are just making it heavier and heavier in this room!" I flung myself off the bed and headed towards the door. "I'm going to go take a shower. I can't stand smelling like smoke." Marluxia stood up too, Zexion not far behind him.
"Not all of us are pyromaniacs like you Axel." Zexion muttered. I opened the door, the fresh cool air of the hallway made me shiver, but instantly I felt better.
"I guess I'll see you at breakfast. I need to go drown underneath a shower so I don't smell like a barbeque blew up." Marluxia and Zexion followed me out the door. Roxas, however, stayed.
"Demyx, wait here for your mother." Dr. Dunbar flipped through a couple of papers on his clipboard. "She will be here in a few minutes." He left, leaving me alone in the tiny room. It was Tuesday, one of the visiting days. My mother usually came on Fridays after she got off work, and occasionally my father would come too. But neither of them had ever come on a Tuesday. I got to change into my real clothes instead of the sweatpants and simple shirts they required us to wear. I slid my hands over my smooth black pants, enjoying the feel of them. The visiting rooms were nothing special. Just a couple of chairs and a table. Some of them had couches in them. On this Tuesday I had been put in one of the ones with a couch.
"Hi honey." The door creaked open and my mom entered, dressed in one of her many business suits that she wore to work. She crossed the room and enveloped me in her arms, her perfume that smelled like overpowering lilacs filling my nose. She hugged me for a long time, too long. Deep down in the pit of my stomach I started to worry. Something was wrong. I could tell.
"How have you been?" She had finally let go and was smiling at me. Her eyes were sad though.
"Pretty good." I studied her with my eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that. What have you been up to?" I tilted my head slightly to the side, confused.
"The normal stuff I guess. Food, meetings, lying on my bed bored out of my mind." What did she think I did day in and day out? Every day was pretty much the same as the last here. "How have things at home been?" My heart dropped as soon as the question left my mouth. Mom's smile disappeared, her eyes dropping to the ground.
"Well honey that's why I'm here. I've put off telling you this for a couple of days now; I just haven't found the right way to tell you. But I guess I'm going to come right out and say it." She took a couple of deep breathes and took one of my hands between both of hers. She raised her eyes reluctantly to meet mine again. "You're father and I haven't had the best of times these past few months. You know how he goes on business trips all the time? Well, on one of them he met another woman, and he has decided to possibly pursue a relationship with her. But it's been decided that we are going to get a divorce." She sniffed and lowered her eyes again.
"What?" I sat rigid with shock and disbelief. My parents couldn't split up. We had too much planned, vacations, buying a new house. My family was my rock, it always had been. I had been through a lot of stuff, and I always knew there was going to be more to come like failing an important test or having my heart broken again. But my family was the one thing I had counted on to always be there, and to always be the same.
"Demyx I know this isn't easy for you to hear. But you needed to know. I kept this from you as long as I possible could, but I couldn't stand keeping it from you anymore." She brought one of her hands up to cup the side of my face. My eyes had started to tear up as what she said finally started to sink in. "You're father has moved to a hotel temporarily until he finds a place of his own. He wanted to come with me today to tell you but he was busy with work. But when you come home, we will still be living in the same house." I closed my eyes and looked away from her.
"But you have to be together, I can't be a divorce kid! I need you together! How am I supposed to go to that college I wanted to? I know I can get in there mom I know I can! I got invited to apply there! You can't go there unless you get invited!" Of all the things running through my mind the only one I could talk about was college. Both of my parents had been excited when I had come home with the invitation letter to one of the highest ranked musical schools. But being on only my mom's salary, there was no way I could go there now.
"Your father will still help pay for you to go to college Demyx, that's not going to change." I started to cry and pulled away from her hand on my face. "Oh Demyx please I know this is hard, but you have to understand. Your father doesn't love me anymore, but he's not going to abandon you!" I scooted to the farthest end of the couch and buried my face in my hands.
"Baby…" She followed me across the couch, reaching her hand out to comfort me. Dr. Dunbar opened the door right before she could make contact with me.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you but we have several visitors today and we need this room for another group." He ran his eyes over my Mom's worried expression and my tearful gaze. "Everything ok?" He stepped into the room, drilling me with his eyes.
"No!" I stood up and rushed passed him and out the open door. I pushed my way blindly through the crowded hallway and up the several flights of stairs to my room. I flung myself across my bed, burying my head in the pillow. Of all the things to go wrong in my life...I don't know how long I lay there, it felt like forever. Clouds started to form and cross over the sun. A couple of hours later it had started to rain.
"Demyx?" Someone was shaking my shoulder gently. I sniffed and turned my head around and found a pair of bright green eyes staring at me.
"Myde? What are you doing here? I thought you were away." I had run out of tears about an hour earlier, but my nose was still running like hell.
"I was. But I have special 'Demyx is in trouble/depressed' senses." He forced me to make eye contact with him. "You can't say you didn't see this coming. Your dad started going on a lot of random business trips that didn't make sense."
"How do you already know that my parents are splitting up?" I stared at him questioningly.
"I told you. I have special Demyx senses that tell me what's going on in your life, even when I'm not here." He smiled slightly. "It's a guardian angel thing."
"Myde, you're not a guardian angel or even an angel at all." I glanced at the clock. It was almost five. I had been in my room for three hours.
He shrugged my comment off. "I could be, you just wouldn't know." He paused before changing the subject back to me. "You'll get through this, I promise. Besides I know that deep down you never really liked your father that much."
"I do too! He's my dad Myde, how could you say that!" I didn't mean to yell at him, I knew he was just trying to help and pull me out of a difficult situation, like he usually had to do.
"Alright, alright. But even if that's true, you know that you like your mother more." I started to snap back at him, but stopped myself. He was right. I had always liked my mother more. She had always been there, and had even canceled business trips of her own if I really needed her at home. My father had never canceled anything for me.
"Even if that's true, I still don't like it." I sniffed and looked down at the floor. Five seconds later Myde had put his arms around me.
"I know you don't, but this will pass. Your mom is a strong person and she's going to be stronger now more than ever, for both of your sakes." I shook my head in uncertainty.
"I don't know. Divorce of someone you've been married to for twenty-four years can't be that easy. Especially since he's trading you in for some whore on a street corner." Myde sighed again and ran his hand through my hair.
"You know that this woman probably isn't a whore, or a prostitute or a stripper. You're just angry at her and your father."
"Of course I am. She's a family wrecker, as if I didn't already have enough problems."
"Then tell your dad you never want to meet her, but your mom is right; don't shut him out of your life."
I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning back against his touch. "I know, but I don't want this to happen. My family is my anchor Myde, you know that."
He was silent for a minute. "Than find a new anchor if you need one. You're Organization seems like a good anchor for you right now."
"Maybe, but we aren't all going to be together forever, and not everyone exactly gets along with each other all the time." I had stopped crying and broke away from Myde long enough to rummage around for a tissue.
"But right now would probably be a good time to focus more on them than on your family." He glanced up at the clock. "Damn! Demyx, I have to be somewhere, but only if you are ok. If you're not than I can stay here."
"It's ok Myde, I know that you have places to be." He smiled at me and gave me another quick hug before he left, leaving me alone again.
About half an hour after Myde left my tears and emotions recuperated and started to come back. As much as I hated crying around other people, especially others in the Organization because most of them were physically and mentally strong and could keep their emotions in check, I didn't want to be alone. I ran through the options in my mind before I left my room and quickly went down the stairs to the floor below. I stood outside of Zexion's door, tears already making tracks down my face. I knocked softly at first. When he didn't appear I knocked louder, fearing that my only friend I could go to right now was gone.
Zexion finally opened the door, looking out at me from the half light of his room. He kept it as dark as possible because he said too much of the bright yellow gave him a headache. He looked slightly alarmed at me crying in front of his door.
"Demyx? What's wrong?" He opened the door wider and stepped back, his way of inviting me inside. As soon as I got inside the door I collapsed on him, burying my head in his shoulder. Instantly he became rigid, but after a few minutes he relaxed and gently put his arms around me.
"Why are you crying?" He led me carefully to his neatly made bed and made me sit down. I kept sobbing into his shoulder, unable to reply. He kept his arms around me and didn't ask me again until I had finally started to calm down.
"My parents are getting a divorce." I mumbled into his shirt, taking a shaky breath.
"Why?" His voice was gentle, encouraging me to continue on. Soon I found myself telling him the entire story, from when I started to notice things about three years ago all the way up to three hours ago. I listened to me the entire time, not interrupting me once. He comforted me much in the same way that Myde had before, but somehow it was different coming from Zexion. We had a…connection that I couldn't quite explain. But whatever it was, I liked it and attached to it and the fact that someone was there to comfort me and listen.
Two days later I sat down at our usual table for dinner, feeling a lot better than I had before. Myde had come to see me everyday since and had spent a lot of time with me, talking about my parents and other things. I didn't realize how much I had missed him when he had been gone so much lately. I had talked to Zexion too, which despite his outer appearance giving him the vibe that he was quiet was quite worthwhile. He knew when to keep pushing a subject and when to let it drop.
So on this Thursday night, I wasn't expecting anything unusual that is until I sat down at the table. The first thing I noticed was that Zexion was staring straight down at the table, an anxious vibe around him. Saix obviously had noticed it too. He kept looking over at Zexion with a curious look on his face. After about ten minutes Zexion stood up and came to stand behind me.
"Demyx, can I talk to you?" I looked up at him, puzzled.
"Yea, sure." I stood up and followed him a couple of yards away from the table. I heard Axel sigh and say "Oh no." My heart started to sink. Axel (and Marluxia) knew how many people I had turned down in my life. I simply didn't want to have a relationship right now, and I hadn't for the past two or so years. But that couldn't be what Zexion wanted, could it?
He took a deep breath and started to talk fast. "Demyx, I've learned a lot about you in the past couple of days and I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something for you. I have since I first met you but this past week has proven to me that there is something there and…" He paused to take a breath. My heart sank lower and lower. I had to disappoint Zexion, my emotional comfort.
"Zexion…" I cut him off before he could start talking again. "I know what you're saying; I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel a…connection either. But I can't have a relationship with you." I could almost literally feel the air around us change.
"At least not right now; I just haven't been with someone in a long time, and I'm not sure I'm ready to, especially right now." Zexion lowered his head slowly, so his hair fell even more in front of his face.
"I understand." His voice was steady. He turned on his heel and started slowly back to the table. I watched him for a painful second before running to catch up to him and walk the rest of the distance back to the rest of the Organization with him. He sat down quietly in his seat between Lexaeus and Saix, his head still lowered so you couldn't see much of his face.
"What was that all about?" Larxene quipped, spinning a couple of spaghetti noodles around her fork. Marluxia narrowed his eyes at her, but she promptly ignored him.
"Leave it alone Larxene." Vexen fixed his icy glare on her. She smirked at him, but surprisingly didn't snap back.
The next five minutes were painful. No one at the table said anything. I kept glancing over at Zexion, but he kept his head firmly down.
"Zexion…" I started, but he cut me off.
"It's fine Demyx." His voice was still steady, but I could tell that it was fake, no matter how convincing it was.
"I'm sorry I just…" He cut me off again.
"Just leave me alone." The table fell back into silence until I couldn't take it anymore.
"But Zexion listen to me…" He was determined not to let me get a full sentence out.
"Just leave me alone!" He shoved his chair back and darted across the dining hall, one of the monitors catching sight of him and quickly running after him. I watched him go, pained by how much I had hurt him. Everyone else at the table was looking at me. No one said anything, and the air became more and more stifling.
Zexion had said that he had learned a lot about me in the past couple of days, and I guess I had learned a lot about him too. He was a good listener and a good talker, which truthfully I hadn't expected him to be because of his quiet exterior. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind or the truth, and it had seemed like he actually had cared about my problems and shown sympathy. And on top of all that he was incredibly cute. There was no denying that.
So why the hell had I told him no?
Reviews and random pms are much appreciated and enjoyed :-)
