Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original ideas and lyric twists but not the characters or the lyrics themselves. Thanks very much for reading and I hope you'll review and let me know what you think.
Forth Act
CQueen: Hello, my darlings! Have you all missed me terribly?
Hitsugaya: Is she trying to be funny?
Matsumoto: Now who's trying to piss her off?
Nemu: Please don't upset her. My father is still in the process of recovering from his last encounter with her.
Kyoraku: Yeah, that was great.
Nanao: Only you would think so.
CQueen: Ahem. Back to more important things..you know...like the brilliant genius of my evil lyric creations?
Zaraki: Which we're all trying to erase from our memories.
CQueen: Is that your way of saying you feel like taking center stage?
Zaraki: Oh hell no!
CQueen: Well if you insist....but just so you aren't lonely or anything....
**head bong and Captains Zaraki, Kyoraku, Soifon and Ukitake and the General appear onstage, dressed in the garbs of Chinese soldiers
CQueen: Now, ladies and gentlemen, its time to find out what these guys here are fighting for!
All: For a long time we've been marching off to battle
In our thund'ring herd we feel a lot like cattle
Like the pounding beat our aching feet aren't easy to ignore
Kyoraku: Hey, think of instead a girl worth fighting for
Others: Huh?
Kyoraku: That's what I said,
A girl worth fighting for
I want her paler than the moon with eyes that shine like stars
Zaraki: My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars
Ukitake: I couldn't care less what she'll wear or what she looks like
It all depends on what she cooks like: Beef, pork, chicken ...
Mmmh ...
Zaraki: Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer
Kyoraku: And I'll bet the ladies love a man in armour
All: You can guess what we have missed the most
since we went off to war
Kyoraku: What do we want?
All: A girl worth fighting for
Zaraki: My girl will think I have no faults
Ukitake: That I'm a major find
Soifon: How 'bout a girl who's got a brain
Who always speaks her mind?
Others: Nah!
Kyoraku: My manly ways and turn of phrase are sure to thrill her
Zaraki: He thinks he's such a lady-killer
General: I've a girl back home who's unlike any other
Kyoraku: Yeah, but the only girl who'd love him is his mother
All: But when we come home in victory they'll line up at the door
Kyoraku: What do we want?
All: A girl worth fighting for
Kyoraku: Wish that I had
All: A girl worth fighting for
A girl worth fighting -
*** head bong and they are back in their seats***
General: The first one who kills her gets a pay raise. A big one.
Soifon: Like we need to be paid to want to kill her.
CQueen: Awwww...you guys love me.
Hitsugaya: What world does SHE live in?
CQueen: One of my own creation.
Matsumoto: That explains a few things.
CQueen: I'm just feeling the love here. In fact, I think it's time for you guys to show just how brave and caring you all really are.
Aizen: She devil.
CQueen: Like you're one to talk? Okay fine, you want to be this way, guys? Than I'll go easy on you all for this next number. You're ALL in it.
*** head bong and everyone in the audience grows a set of mouse ears, whiskers and tails. They are also all wearing clothes of ethnicities from around the world.***
CQueen: And now, may I present, the new Shinigami anthem!
All:
R-E-S-C-U-E
Rescue Aid Society
Heads held high
Touch the sky
You mean everything to me
In a fix, in a bind
Call on us anytime
We'll appear from nowhere
Mighty are we
R-E-S-C-U-E
Rescue Aid Society
Honesty, loyalty
We pledge to thee
R-E-S-C-U-E
Rescue Aid Society
Heads held high
Touch the sky
You mean everything to me
In a jam, in a scrape
And you think 'no escape'
Do not fear, we'll be here
Courageous are we
R-E-S-C-U-E
Rescue Aid Society
Heads held high
Touch the sky
Our hearts we pledge to thee
***head bong and the mice turn back to their normal selves***
Kyoraku: Awww...and Nanao made such a cute mousie!
Nanao: Respectfully, Sir...SHUT THE HELL UP!
Ukitake: Uh oh.
Nemu: Ise san is reaching her breaking point. This is never a good thing.
Zaraki: Nobody look her in the eyes....except..maybe you should...-
CQueen: I heard that. Lucky for you, my next number is such a big one I have to get it done and over with quickly so that I can get to the library to study for my anthro exam tomorrow.
Kuchiki: Please...you're going there to get more romance novels to rot your brain while you're supposed to be studying and you know it.
CQueen: Jerk.
Kuchiki: The truth hurts.
CQueen: Oh I am so going to update Sexy Captain's Curse soon and make you sorry.
Kuchiki: Shit.
CQueen: There you go. And now for the last number in today's act! All the shinigami lieutenants, Captain Ukitake and Hana, onto the stage with you!
*** lieutenants appear onstage which now looks like a pub***
[Omaeda:] Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with
the wrong man! No one says "no" to Omaeda!
[Hana:] Heh heh. Darn right.
[Omaeda:] Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's
more than I can bear.
[Hana:] More sake?
[Omaeda:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
[Hana:] Who, you? Never! Lieutenant, you've got to pull yourself
together.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Lieutenant
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Lieutenant
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Omaeda
No one's quick as Omaeda
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Omaeda
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
[Chorus:] No one's been like Omaeda
A king pin like Omaeda
[Hana:] No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Omaeda
[Omaeda:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
[Chorus:] My what a guy, that Omaeda
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
[Hana:] Omaeda is the best
And the rest is all drips
[Chorus:] No one fights like Omaeda
Douses lights like Omaeda
[Kira:] In a wrestling match nobody bites Omaeda
[Isane and Matsumoto:] For there's no one as burly and brawny
[Omaeda:] As you see I've got biceps to spare
[Hana:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
[Omaeda] (That's right!)
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
[Kira:] No one hits like Omaeda
[Renji:] Matches wits like Omaeda
[Hana:] In a spitting match nobody spits like Omaeda
[Omaeda:] I'm espcially good at expectorating
(Ptooey!)
[Chorus:] Ten points for Omaeda!
[Omaeda:] When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge
[Chorus:] No one shoots like Omaeda
Makes those beauts like Omaeda
[Hana:] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Omaeda
[Omaeda:] I use antlers in all of my decorating
[Chorus:] Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
[Hana:] And his name's O-M-A-E -
O-M-A-E-D
O-M-A-E-D - oh!
[Chorus:] Omaeda
*** Ukitake bursts onto stage***
[Ukitake:] Help! Someone help me!
[Yachiru:] Ukitake?
[Ukitake:] Please! Please, I need your help. He's got her - he's
got her locked in the dungeon!
[Hana:] Who?
[Ukitake:] Nemu. We must go. N-not a minute to lose!
[Omaeda:] Whoa! Slow down, Ukitake. Who's got Nemu locked in a
dungeon?
[Ukitake:] A beast! A horrible, monstrous beast!
[Renji:] Is it a big beast?
[Ukitake:] Huge!
[Matsumoto:] With a long, ugly face?
[Ukitake:] Hideously ugly!
[Momo:] And sharp, cruel fangs?
[Ukitake:] Yes! Yes! Will you help me?
[Omaeda:] All right, old man. We'll help you out.
[Ukitake:] You will? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
***Ukitake thrown off stage and back into his seat***
[Yachiru:] Crazy old Ukitake.
[Renji:] He's always good for a laugh.
[Omaeda:] Crazy old Ukitake, hmmm?
Crazy old Ukitake. Hmmm.
Pipsqueak, I'm afraid I've been thinking
[Hana:] A dangerous pastime
[Omaeda:] I know
But that whacky old scientist is Nemu's father
And his sanity's only "so-so"
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony, old captain
See, I've promised myself I'd be married to Nemu
And right now I'm evolving a plan
If I . . . {whisper}
[Hana:] Yes?
[Omaeda:] Then we . . . {whisper}
[Hana:] No! Would she . . .
[Omaeda:] {whisper} Guess!
[Hana:] Now I get it!
[Both:] Let's go!
[Chorus:] No one plots like Omaeda
[Omaeda:] Takes cheap shots like Omaeda
[Hana:] Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Omaeda
[Chorus:] So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating
My what a guy!
Omaeda
*** curtain closes and all return to their seats***
Omaeda: Captain!!! She's picking on me again, Captain!!!
Soifon: Shut up, Omaeda.
Nemu: I'd like to point out an inaccuracy with that number, san. In the film version, the scientist and Captain Ukitake's character are the same perosn. Should you not have assigned my father the role you assigned Captain Ukitake?
CQueen: Can you really see your father caring if you were kidnapped or imprisioned?
Nemu: Point taken.
CQueen: besides...I was sorta seeing your father as the beast...only that wouldn't really work because...well...ewwwwwwwww in the extreme!
Ukitake: Why ewwww in the extreme?
Nemu: Because in the end of Beauty and the Beast the Beast turns back into a man and he and Belle live happily ever after together.
Ukitake: I see.
CQueen: So yeah, I thought you being her knight in shining armour was the better way to go. That's it for today, please return at a later date for more of my evil fun!
