For a raging murderer and fulltime assassin sleeping, eating, crying and sleeping was certainly living the high life. Sakura was possibly the happiest baby in Konoha, or at least that's what her mom told her as she cooed and giggled with the girl who in the afterlife was famous as the right-hand woman of the Kyuubi no Kitsune. Family came from all across the elemental nations to catch a glimpse of the tiny flower with bright green eyes and a smile that would send even elite jounin running. Sadly, as civilians these honest folk had no idea what they were getting into, it truly isn't all that surprising that years later they would become some of the first people to end up on her list.

And no, said list did not pertain to the pleasant, still living friends she made in life. That particular list list currently had no occupants.

However there was one person that Sakura was incredibly eager to meet, the one and only blond in her life, Ino Yamanaka. Despite having a rivalry that lasted well into their teens, the two girls were closer than ever at the time of Sakura's eventual death and Ino had taught Sakura many of her torture techniques. Although childhood Ino wouldn't be as fun to hang out with now…

Ah well I guess this time around I get to be the corrupting influence!


Sakura's mom, who the author of this story couldn't be bothered to name, was truly confused as to why her daughter didn't cry before bed that night.


6 months and 3 days after Sakura had arrived into this world she felt a familiar presence. Upon the horizon the burning embers of her master's chakra was dancing with the harsh flakes of killing intent drawing a haunting smile onto her childish face. Sakura was happy that her parents had left her at home with a baby sitter. The girl was foolishly neglecting her charge as she engaged in less than decent activity downstairs, Sakura was slightly confused as to why there was both male female guests accompanying her. With a childish imitation of a shrug, chubby fingers reach forward as they begin making the signature signs for a ninjutsu made famous in another life by Uzumaki Naruto. With a silent puff of rather childish smoke gone was the child of the Harunos, and in her place was Kami no Machigai, the only human, undead or living, to have ever brought the demon king Shukaku to the verge of tears.

Sadly cradles weren't meant to hold fully grown assassins and as such Sakura found herself in a rather uncomfortable position, as she was crammed into the surprisingly durable but incredibly small structure. With a surprising feat of acrobatics Sakura managed to wiggle herself out of the awkward position using the muffled sounds of panting from downstairs as a cover. With a pant of fake exertion Sakura's inner self bemoaned her outer self's innocence in the face of everything not involving murder.

Standing with her short hair ruffling in pretend wind Sakura stuck a heroic pose rather reminiscent of a man named Maito Gai. With a flourish Sakura leapt out the window and sprinted across the rooftops towards her destination. Roars of rage echo through the Konoha forest as the earth rumbles underfoot. Leaping through the trees fast as a blur Sakura ducks cleanly under ANBU squads with significantly less experience than she. Although who wasn't less experienced than she?

Hairs almost stand up on the back of her neck as she nears Kurama in his enraged state. Her covered eyes clench in concentration while the scent of burning death grows ever stronger. Suddenly she emerges onto the battlefield of destruction.

The surrounding clearing was a mess of bloody broken bodies with scorching flames covering the ground in between. Trees had been ploughed over and burnt to ashes by the harsh wrath of the demon.

Sakura clenched her teeth in concentration.

With a rallying cry she summoned a small portion of Kurama's past chakra that had slowly been funneled into her during her dedicated years of service. Her right puppet hand glows red with the power of her master as she slams her hand into the earth alongside a shattering crack. The earth wobbles under the force of her blow sending cracks along the surface until they collided with Kurama and send him stumbling to the side.

With a harsh battle cry she leaps into the fray and startles most of the Konoha shinobi.
"Kurama!" screams the battle worn servant.

The mighty beast turns and sets his sight on his servant. His enraptured eyes fail to notice his chakra surrounding her and her evident mastery of the gift.

The Konoha shinobi grow immensely confused as they back away from the field in order to regroup. As a mighty stare down occurs between master and servant but a mile away the Sandaime and some of his top ANBU are conferencing frantically.

"We must stall for Minato!" declares one of the more hopeful, and slightly emotionally stunted ones.

The Sandaime's face remains stoic as he stares off into the distance toward his doom.

But then with a flash of light and a large intake of air that uprooted trees and crushed human bones, the Kyuubi no Kitsune disappeared from the skyline taking all of the fire and a large chunk of the forest with it.

Sakura stared down at the large crater where her master had once stood. With a shallow shake of her head she turns and faces the dying man who had managed to tame this once mighty beast. Next to him curled up in a blanket sat the disappointingly pink form of the crying nanadaime hokage. The Yondaime was propped up in his final moments with Kushina Uzumaki, the last of her clan, thrown over in front of him. My eyes shine coldly as I regard the broken seal that lays shattered on her stomach. With hatred I glare down at one of the children responsible for my death.

"Greetings, kinslayer. May you enjoy the next twelve years of torment. Hopefully you enjoy it more than I enjoyed my thousand year stint within the tsukiyomi with that Uchiha teme," Sakura glowered down at the immobile lump, "I hope you're happy Uzumaki Naruto, for then I will have the pleasure of ripping that happiness from your dying fingers," With this Sakura happily runs away from the scene, leaving the Sandaime to assume that just like the Kyuubi, this strange development had been sealed away within the stomach of a newborn.

Of course he couldn't have been further from the truth. Within the stomach of his favorite host, Kyuubi smirked mischievously.

"Haruno Sakura, should you die no one shall weep over your body. Not a soul will be there to help you should you stumble. Not one person will wipe away your tears or treat your wounds. You are my shadow. And just like the Nara clan, I'll have fun wrapping you around my finger."


AN: Moihahahahahaha!

Ik Ik I just cheated you of an epic battle but hey! I let my writing be happy for the first time in a while!

However it's the not so happy story of Monty Oum dying that lead to the reemergence of my comedic potential, so RIP Monty.

Yay for regaining my passion for comedy and my utter hatred of the thing known as a cradle!

Anyways! Questions, comments and concerns are always appreciated!

Your decidedly insane Maniac,

~FoM