November 16th 2012

Waking up that morning, I felt refreshed. Not only was it Friday, but in my mind the birds were singing, the sky looked bluer, and the rain was still no where in sight. Perhaps mother nature foresaw my future and thought, "And there shall be no rain until this mortal admits his undying love for the maiden". I hummed as I got dressed in my caprees and t-shirt. It was nice not having to worry about the lack of sweaters my wardrobe consisted of. I brushed my hair and clipped my bangs off to the side, then headed downstairs to make some fried eggs for breakfast. Norman was nowhere to be seen. Probably soaking up as much sun as he could with a fishing pole in his hand by the lake.

After brushing my teeth and grabbing my keys, I headed outside to start my drive to school. What I was greeted with however was not my ugly Neon but a still rather nice looking Ferrari. The window rolled down to put into view an angry face.

"Good morning?" I waved. I walked over to the opened window.

Kid's scowl lightened up as I walked over, I was sure, but when I got to the car it rolled right back into a death glare. "Edice told me you would be needing a ride. I have no clue why he would have suggested that seeing as how you look perfectly fine and your car looks ... perfectly fine if we ignore its exterior."

Boy did he look unamused. I wondered why Edice did suggest I needed a lift to school. Did he see me getting smashed into a pole? "So are you leaving then?" I kind of hoped he wouldn't. What if I really did fall prey to a steel rod, or worse, run over a poor animal in the streets?

"Fuck no. If Ed says something, he means it. Get into the fucking car already." He was pouting, I could tell by the slightly puckered lip jutting out of his usually flat expression. I snickered as I walked around the hood of the car.

It was a three minute ride. Only two poles were passed, and no furry little animals dared cross the street. Either Edice was bluffing, or Kid really did scare everything off animals and inanimate objects. We didn't talk. I was too busy thinking about the slide scene from last night. Kid was probably doing the same considering his usually pale visage had an extremely faint blush creep up his cheeks. He was adorable when he's uncomfortable. I was definitely turning into one of those women who dote on everything their significant other does. "Awe he tied his shoelaces in the middle of the hallway" or "How adorable, burning my only roast trying to cook". It was kind of unnerving, but I was sure I would get over that stage soon enough and then wear the pants ... after he actually admitted his feelings.

When we got to school I thanked him for the ride and went in to peck him on the cheek. It didn't go over so well. His eyes widened when he saw my face get closer then threw his hands up and sputter nonsense. They weren't real words or anything, just gibberish.

"Fine." I said. "You can continue your awkward stage, while I try to make our relationship work. Fine."

He whipped his head toward me. "Relationship. Hold up, woman. We are not in a relationship."

"Well then what do you call what happened at the park?"

"That was my answer to your 'You are so not a lady killer' Challenge. And I clearly won. Now get out." Kidward shooed me away with his hands.

I could not believe him. Me thinking we clearly had a moment, and then he just stomps all over it like it never happened. I stormed away to my locker and slammed the door shut before heading to History.

Dolores sat beside me when she noticed me angrily scribbling in my notebook.

"What's got your thong in a bunch?" She asked.

"Men." I growled.

She sighed. "Like I know what you mean. There's this guy named Trevor and I swear he's like the sexiest thing my eyes have ever laid on, but he won't even look at me. I mean I got the body. I'm a cheerleader, Welcoming Committee, and definitely the most popular girl in school, but he doesn't even say 'hi' when I wave at him. Like what is his problem?"

"But this guy acknowledges me and we went on a nice date, I think, but then today he denies the fact that we had a good thing going. I just don't understand him. He's so stubborn." God he made me angry.

Dolores patted my shoulder. "It's okay honey. The best thing to patch up a tough spot is shopping it out. Like look at me. This top was when Trevor ignored my cheer during the first football match. This cute skirt was bought after he rejected my date. And these shoes ... I can't ... OH. When his brother, Duncan, slammed the door in my face calling me a stalker. I don't look like a stalker, do I?" She gave me this sad puppy look.

"Of course not. You're just a little overdramatic about some things is all."

Our hushed conversation continued while Mr. Hinkle droned on about the English revolution. I swear he was deaf. Not once did he turn around and scold us. Ethan however did hear our conversation and scuttled to the empty desk in front of us.

"I heard Trevor already has a girlfriend and that she's super protective. That's why he ignores every female that crosses his path. I heard a rumor that she once whipped him because -"

That didn't concern me. What did was Kidward's jealousy towards Zoro. How does a guy get jealous when he has no feelings towards the other party. It just does not make sense. None of it did. Nothing came to mind second period either. Ethan just sat beside me asking if I was okay. My depressed mood wafted from me, according to him.

Lunch was a whole other story. I sat in my corner, like usual, picking at my Jell-O with a fork, like usual. Why did I never use a spoon? I haven't the slightest. Then out of nowhere, Edice showed up. He looked apologetic, I hope he felt it; he ruined my entire morning.

"I am so sorry." He took a seat and swiped my hand. "Had I known Kidward was in an emotional state, I would never have asked him to drive you to school. I totally fucked up. I thought ... I don't even know what I thought. I kind of hoped life would take its course and Kid wouldn't have been a total dick." Edice sighed, and let me resume my gelatin poking. I looked up at him and saw him staring into the distance. He smiled then. "But don't worry. Whatever you are thinking of doing, it's definitely the right idea. Oh, but you might need these." He stole my napkin, whipped out a pen and began doodling something onto it. He wished me good luck and left me to wonder. What was I thinking of or going to think of? The bell for last class rang and startled me out of my thinking state.

I really didn't want to go to Chemistry. Like really didn't want to go. I was contemplating whether I should ditch class or not. I walked to the door to see Kidward's hand hovering over the door handle muttering to himself.

"Should I go? Nah, she's probably still angry. But I want to apologize. Fuck it." Kid pulled his car keys out of his pocket and stormed for the parking lot.

I threw my books back into my locker, which luckily was only a bank away from class, and ran to catch up with him. I was huffing like a fat kid, wishing I exercised back in Miami. He was halfway across the parking lot when I finally caught up to him. Only a few more leaps and I could grab his arm. I went in for the kill, but instead tripped over a rock and face planted into the ashphalt.

"Motherfucker! " I yelled as I went down. My caprees torn at the knee and I could see blood begin to seep through the material. I tried to stand up, but said fuck it and went back to hugging my boo-boo. I was dusting off the tiny rocks when a hand flew into my face.

"Here." It said. I looked up and saw Kid. He tried not to make eye contact and instead looked at the car next to us.

"Thanks." His hand was rough, but warm to the touch. He hoisted me up, and I sagged into his arm. My joints felt raw after the tumble. "I'm such a failure. Couldn't even be normal and run without making an ass of myself, and all ... I wanted... " I couldn't finish. My now my eyes were beginning to tear up and on the verge of crying. Why did life have to be so difficult. All I wanted was us to go back to normal. Actually talking during class, not skipping hoping to miss each other. It was all my fault. If only I didn't want more than a forehead smooch, than we probably wouldn't have fought and life would have been fine.

I sniffled. "I'm sorry."

Kidward looked confused. "For what? Being all intimate with the ground? I'm sure it was fine with that."

I rubbed my eyes and smiled. He was trying to cheer me up, and it was actually working. I cleared my throat and pushed his arm away as I steadied myself.

"Actually, that whole episode was so I could catch up with you ... Do you, uh, want to go shopping?" Before he could question my suggestion I cut him off. "Dolores said that whenever she was in an unpleasant mood, she'd go shopping and you are definitely angry, and I'm peeved as well. So think of it as a 'Best Friend Recuperation' thing."

He looked at me like I was speaking German. Either he was really contemplating it, or was thinking of a really good excuse not to.

"I guess. It's not like I have anything better to do." He muttered.

And so our journey to BFF-hood began. For the first four hours of our outting together consisted of a 2 hour drive to Sugartit and then some shop hopping. During the car ride, I did most of the talking. The 18 questions I still had left from our first game of 20 questions, and then funny stories about my life in Miami. The one he seemed to laugh most at, because he did chuckle every time something bad happened to me, was when I told him about the time I tried to colour my hair.

"It was supposed to be blue. A pretty blue that would make my eyes look more dazzling. But the stupud hairdresser refused to bleach my hair thinking it was blond enough. After it was done, it was most certainly not blue. You know what colour it was? Green. The shitty, money kind of green. It looked like someone wiped their ass across my head. It was horrible! Last time I ever went to her." I crossed my arms in anger, just thinking about it upset me.

Kidward full out chuckled, throwing his head back and shoulders shaking. "That's what you get for trying to change." He retorted. "Me, I kept my hair the way it was. People laughed, but not for long because I'd leave before they were discharged from the city hospital." He laughed again. "Like this one time. His name was Billy, and he had to be the biggest douche canoe of the fourth grade. Kids would cower in his presence and when he noticed how I didn't give a fuck, started to pick on me. Man, I showed him. His mother even made him write me an apology letter. 'Dear Kidward; I'm sorry for picking on you. I promise to be a better person.' Kilsper and I had a good laugh about that."

After the ride, he parked outside a bookstore. For a tough guy, he sure did love romance novels. When I glanced at him reading the cover of 'Outlander', he simply said "What? A man cannot enjoy the literature of true love?" and that was that. He surprised me in many aspects. I learned he liked shopping for accessories, and was impressed with anitiques deeming them pieces of history. If you ignored the brutish attitude and contantly angry face, he would make the perfect guy to bring home.

If got close to dinner, so we headed to a cheap sushi joint. What didn't surprise me was Kid's love for fish. He did act like a pirate, so it was only natural he would be a seafood lover as well. Next on the list of things to do was find me a store that sold pants. It never to occurred to either of us, that I was walking around with a torn pant leg, until the sushi guy noted that it looked uncomfortable. We walked into a little boutique and found the cutest pair of pants I had ever laid eyes on. They were a gorgeous purple with sparkles glittering everywhere. Wearing them made me feel like a superstar. Even Kid blushed when I walked out of the fitting room twirling around, and showing off my ass. Which I usually don't have in pants.

"So now what?" I asked as we were leaving.

Kidward shrugged his shoulders. " I don't know. Walk around I guess?"

So that's what we did. We walked, and talked, and it got darker. Then I spotted a club. "Hey, why don't we get something to drink. You look old enough and I got my fake ID from Miami." I flashed him my photo. "Don't I look amazing?"

Kid rolled his eyes, but didn't object. I bet he could use the booze. The bouncer just glanced at us before opening the door. Either I looked old enough in my sexy purple pants, or Kid looked like a tough opponent to him, if he refused. We sat the bar and ordered a couple rounds. I glanced around and noticed a stage. I facepalmed.

"What is it?" Kid asked.

I pointed to the strip stage. "Had I known this was a strip club I would have never suggested this."

Just as I was explaining the lights dimmed and out popped a woman wearing slim to nothing. Wait, was that Wilma? I remembered her words from the first day. *Though by night that is questionable.* Was she really a stripper?

"Back for more love is Sugartit Tina," said the speakers. From the pole dance and the dollar bills filling up her garter, I took that as a yes. I didn't realize I hadn't even sipped my drink until I turned back around to the bar and saw a dozen or so shot glasses on the counter scattered around Kidward's slumped form.

"Uh Kid, are you okay?" I asked. Why the hell did he drink so much? There was no way I was planning on paying for his stupidity. "Kid, where's your wallet?" I asked as I searched his jacket.

He giggled. "Madam, I'm going to have to asssk you not to toush me there."

I finally found it along with a pack of gum and a couple elastics. I called the bartender over and threw him a few bills before trying to get Kidward onto his feet. It was more difficult than I thought. His weight nearly crushed me. As we hobbled over to the car, he'd wave at randoms and contantly try to grab my ass. Flattering but by no means helping the situation.

"Kidward, I swear to God if you grope me one more time, I am leaving you here on the streets." I scolded.

Finally reaching the car, I threw him into the passenger seat and did up his seatbelt. I felt like a mother. All I needed to do now was drive him home and pray Edice was there to drive me back to my place. The drive back to Sporks was filled with crappy pick-up lines.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I hash to walk by again ..hic."

I sighed. "You aren't walking. You're sitting. And shut up already. Your first one was horrid, what makes the 47th to be any better?"

First pick-up ever used on me: "Are you a lumberjack? Because you're giving me wood." It was by far the worst one yet. Did these lines ever work on women?

Seeing the Welcome To Sporks sign was the greatest gift ever received. Only now I felt completely lost. Where the hell was that boat? I poked Kid hoping he would wake up. He fell asleep about the 52nd attempt at a good pick-up line.

"Kidward, where do you live?" I whispered. "Hello?"

I searched my pocket for my cellphone, but instead found the napkin Edice doodled on. It was a map. How fortunate, but that got me wondering on how Edice knew I would need it. He saw Kid drunk as hell, didn't he? That meant he was definitely not home to help me lug him inside. I groaned and floored it through the forest, pulling as close as I could to the boarding plank when I reached the Shouse. I unbuckled Kidward and tried to drag him out of the car. Then up the wooden board. My shoulders were getting sore from all the weight they had to endure. I was amazed at how we never tumbled once. Whether it was because Kidward kept the strength in his legs, or I was just that amazing who knew. I exhaled in delight when we reached the Captain's Quarters. I kicked open the door and pushed him onto the bed. The impact must have jolted him into consciousness because a few moments later his body decided to heave all over the red rug, missing my shoes by no more than a foot.

"Ewwwwww." I cried. It looked like cottage cheese, only discoloured. I ran for the garbage pail when I saw his body contract again. The mother in me told me I had to nurse him back to health, but the teenager in me warned me that if I didn't hightail it out of their stat my pants were ruined. Mother winning I tried to roll him over so he didn't drown in his own vomit. I couldn't quite remember the position so he ended up laying crooked with his head handing over the bed, mouth hovering over the pail. It worked.

After a few more heaves, he got up and rolled over onto his side, faced me and probably passed out because he didn't say anything and just snored his drunken state away. I crept to the door to get myself a glass of water when I heard him mutter something. "Meg stop putting shaved chocolate in my muuumble muuumble". I looked at him with a confused expression. Whatever the hell he was dreaming of, I was sure I didn't need to know.

A few moments later I came back with my drink and a stool that I found laying around in the kitchen. I pulled up a seat and stared at his sleeping form. Apart from the residue by his mouth, which quickly wiped off with a tissue, he looked peaceful. His hair pressed flat on the pillow, while the rest of his body sunk into the mattress. His face showed no stress marks or freckles. Not even bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He was just perfect. I leaned on my knees, gazing at him. Tussling his hair and noting the soft texture. It amazed me at how his hair was not gelled yet stuck up in such a fashion, defying physics. He smiled at the touch. His eyes fluttered open, still glazed with sleep.

"I suffer from amnesia, do I come here often?" he smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, actually you do. This is your bedroom, I'm sure you masterbate quite a bit in here." There was really no point in joking around with a half-brain dead pirate, he wouldn't remember anything in the morning anyway.

He grabbed my still outstretched hand and rolled me over him. I gasped and tried to catch my breath from the surprise. I thought he was going to squish me.

"You look pretty in those pants. Know what would look even better?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to get up. That bed ate me like a fat kid eats chocolate. Memory foam or something. Or something, I do believe that was a waterbed mattress, the way I swayed on it. Reinacting the movements of the sea, God he was definitely a seadog.

"Me in those pants." He replied and chuckled at his own joke. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him. I sighed deeply as I was tossled about. His face was extremely red, like a cherry. His breath however, not so pleasant. I drew my head back and tried to get fresh air.

"Kidward, now is not the time for that." Again tried to worm my way over him to solid ground.

"Getting frisky now are we. I love a woman who means business." I twarted his hand away from my ass.

"What did I tell you about groping?" I raised my voice, he obviously wasn't hearing me for he continued to each for my belt.

His eyes were half open, cheeks still rosy. Kidward looked like he was having a good time. I on the otherhand was not. Our date was great, but while he got to drink 12 odd shots I didn't even get to finish my first round when he nearly passes out on the bar. It's supposed to be the woman who gets taken advantage of, not the giant ass who doesn't want anything other than sex when he won't even remember it in the morning.

"Kidward, you really need to snap out of it. We are not going to have sex, so get over it." It seemed like I was ordering a 6 year old to stop playing inappropriately with his sister's barbies.

He pouted his lips. "But all I ever wanted was to feel your -" I smashed my hands against his face. There was no way I wanted to hear what was going to come out of his mouth. When his jaws stopped moving I removed the pressure.

He pushed off of him and turned to his side again. Now I was sandwiched between the wall and the brute. He stroked my hair and it made me relax. I really shouldn't have been, but just the tingling sensation wiped all thoughts away.

"You know, you're really pretty." Kid whispered.

I sighed. "You're only saying that because you're drunk."

He tried to shake his head, but decided against it when his head began to throb. "No, you're just pretty. Better than the ... other girls ..." He began to close his eyes once again. It was about time. "... love... Meg". Those were his last words before passing out.

I didn't know whether it was me he loved, or one of the things he loved about me. Either way, it made me blush. I smiled stupidly to myself.

"Yeah I love you too." I replied though I knew he couldn't hear me in his comatose state. Or so I thought. Kidward shifted over and pulled his arm around me, snickering like a girl in my ear. He nuzzled my neck and cuddled up closer.

"Love you." He repeated, and the snoring resumed. I didn't really feel like moving this time. It was a perfect position to be trapped in really. My head resting on his arm, other arm keeping me warm and his breath giving my back tingles. Instead I snuggled closer and fell asleep as well.


"Rise and shine love birds. There's an uncomfortable conversation awaiting I'm sure," sang Edice.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes trying to see what was going on, but only getting sun and fur in my eyes. Kid's coat was still on, and tickling my nose. Kidward stirred and glared at Edice.

"Get the fuck out. I'm still sleepy." He moaned, and flipped over only to realize his arm was already occupied.

"Hey." I smiled. He stared at me with a blank expression on his face. Then clicked the brain.

"Oh fuck, I did not ... did I?" His eyes became saucers as he thought of all the possiblities.

I lifted myself out of his grasp and rolled over him towards Edice, who had his hand extended to help me out of the sea. I brushed the creases out of my pants.

"If you mean admitting your undying love for me, then yes. Yes you did. However, if you want to skip the confession and go straight to the sex, then I must regret to inform you that I do not take advantage of drunkards." This was so awkward. Edice was in the room, and he probably foresaw the entire episode, and I could not keep my mind from screaming. Oh the horror.

I was surprised to see Kidward do nothing except scratch his head. "So uh, where does that leave us?"

I exhaled deeply. "Edice."

"Oh please, call me Eddie."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Eddie. Could you please give us a minute?"

He snickered. "Sure."

After he shut the door behind me, I whipped my head back to Kidward, death glare plastered onto my face.

"So where do you think this leaves us? I thought you being all embarrassed at the park left us with unclarified dating status, but I guess I was wrong. So you can call the shots." I crossed my arms in agitation.

Again Kid scratched. His head, his stomach, his head again. "Could we stick to the unclarified dating status? Because I don't really feel comfortable to admit that a woman tamed me..." He faintly smiled at the almost funny joke.

"You are so lucky I love you." I said, in a clear 'I-totally-wear-the-pants' manner before throwing myself into his arms.

And so we lived happily ever after, that was until people at school noticed us holding hands in the hallway. Then things got awkward. Oh not for Kidward and I. More for Ethan. The first day he found out, he didn't know whether to sit at the loser corner table or not. So he did and nearly shit his pants when Kid glared daggers at him. That was the last time Ethan ever sat in a 10 foot radius of me. It was rather nice.

I guess this angsty Journal thing isn't really living up to its name considering I am actually happy about living in Sporks. What I thought was going to be a drag with all the Norman time and rain time and just time stuck in Sporks in general time, turned into a great third year of high school. I made some friends, a boyfriend who refuses to admit to such unless I drug him, and the best guy friend in the world. I swear he's gay, but he still insists on loving the female anatomy. Maybe I should actually throw this out the window and see who stumbles upon it.

The crap-tastic life of Meg Lorraine Gray just got a little less crappy, and hell of a lot more awesome.

Perhaps I should start another one of these Diaries entitled "The fab-tastic like of Ms. Gray." Meh. Who would want to read a book on someone who's a complete Mary Sue? Definitely not me. Why am I still writing in this thing. It's almost 4:30 in the morning. I should really be sleeping. Did I mention that Norman actually lets Kidward sleep over? It's amusing because Kid doesn't seem to mind my old man's purple briefs. I wonder what he has to go through at home. Awe shit this pen is running out of ink. Last thing to whoever is reading this Sugartit Tina's routine on the pole w-


THE END. Forgive me Meg, but I just didn't have to time to add everything. There will be updates, I'm sure ... :D

And I'm too lazy to edit any of this, so if you do see a spelling error or an 'and' out of place, then ignore it until I fix it. I'm tired and want to play WoW.

MERRY CHRISTMASS MY SEXPOT. MAY THE NEW YEAR BRING YOU THAT MUCH CLOSER TO THE WONDERS OF 2012.