A/N: I'm beginning to fall for Quinn. I can truly recommend writing letters from different perspectives. It makes Glee seem so much more⦠reasonable and less dull.
Dear Beth,
I love you.
You are already old enough to feel loved, even though you might not be able to understand the concept behind that. You don't know about the multiple varieties, shapes and colors in which love appears.
One way of loving someone is the way that I love you: You will always be a part of me, even though you're not here, even though I might never get to know the person you will grow up to be. I will love you even if I never get to see you again. And it's not scary. It is something I cling to when I wake up thinking I cannot face the day. It's something to hold on to when I cannot fall asleep. It is something that reminds me to be alive instead of just to live.
Another way of loving someone is the love you feel for a partner. When you love someone like that you feel whole and soon you are taught that you only are complete when you have someone to love. I was brought up to think this way.
Life is a duet, not a solo.
Up until now there was not a moment in my life in which I was truly on my own. It may sound great, because when you're part of a duo that means there is always someone else you can rely on.
I have always been an 'us' rather than just me. I was raised to think that I am only half a human being without someone to care for, without someone to take care of me, or maybe simply without someone else. My parents taught me that I needed another person besides myself to make me whole. As if I wasn't good enough.
It's the darker aspect of Aristophanes' contribution to Plato's Symposium and the wounds I suffered will take a while to heal.
It is so easy to just let yourself being carried through life. When there's always someone who seems stronger than you, you don't have to be strong yourself. I never had to ask myself what I want from life, because there always was someone who'd lead the way. Whenever times became hard I could just duck and hide behind my guard, who'd stick up for me. There was always someone I could send ahead to clear the way for me so my path would be safe.
When you were born all that fell away.
There was no guard between us. There was no other person guiding me or guiding you into this world. You already knew the way. You started to breathe and just like that you were whole and perfect; so small and yet a full human being with a will and wishes and hopes and a future. All boundaries were crisp and clear. You were you and no one else and no one had to tell you that.
I am almost ashamed to admit:
You taught me to be strong. Beth, if you can be strong, although you are new to this world; if you can be strong and continue then I should be able to do that as well. There are so many lessons to learn for both of us and it is because of you that I feel responsible for myself for the first time in my life.
I wish it wasn't roles reversed; that I wasn't such an infant. Out of all people I don't want to be taking anything from you.
Everything there is to know I will have to teach myself from now on. I will have to be strong, I will have to grow up.
Duets, after all, are made for two full individuals, not just one split in half. I can never be someone else's half again.
And although it is bittersweet to let go off the idea, I'm also looking forward to whatever may lie ahead of me. My journey can begin.
Thank you, Beth.
Love,
Quinn
Poor Quinn. She doesn't know about the rollercoaster she will be sent into.
Also, wow, this episode is really deep when you consider the contrast between Quinn, Rachel and Kurt. I didn't even see that before. I guess I was distracted by Brittana not being on. *awkward* It's really so obvious! Just imagine Kurt singing "The origin of love". Maybe it's because I'm tired, but that would really blow my mind.
