RWBY Abridged

A/N: You know, watch or re-watch the episode first. Sorry if there is mention or reference to the other Abridged or Humor tangents.

Episode 4

"'Wakey. Wakey... I don't think we have been properly introduced...' Just kidding, that was my Assassin's Creed 4 impression. Spoiler Alert!" Nora said to Ren as he wakes up. They go through the morning as Nora talks. (Bathroom scene) "So I got to say, it's been like 3 episodes and people are going to assume we are already a couple. I mean to be honest I like you, but nobody knows if you like me. (Forward to the breakfast scene) That's fine because it can attract the fans of emo characters and then you can fall in love with me. I know, lets go ahead and just be on the same team. (Locker room scene) I will hide in a tree and then I'll say Boop. That way it will be expected and before we know it, people will write fanfiction about us. Maybe some lemon in the forest and-"

"Nora." Ren said putting away his guns. "I don't think the 4th wall is going to help."

"Then let's become a couple! The fans will go wild!" Nora said.

"Ok. But don't break the 4th wall again. It confuses everyone." Ren and Nora walk out. Switch to Yang and Ruby.

"Was that Pinky Pie?" Ruby said.

"I guess so. And they are a couple." Yang said.

"Well I know my perfect match right here." Ruby pulls out Crescent Rose, her scythe, and makes awkward sounds.

"I don't think that will work. Everyone will expect you to grow up and not become intimate with your scythe/gun."

"I don't need people to tell me to grow up. I drink malk." Ruby said.

"You mean milk?" Yang said.

"Let's not go there." Ruby said.

"But it's-"

"I said! Let's not go there!"

"Ok maybe should just talk about the teams."

"Why? The title of the show gives it away. And I don't want you to leave me for dead again because I will get lost." Ruby said and Juane passes by.

"At least you got someone who knows their way around here. I'm still figuring it out." Juane said holding a map. Switch to Pyrrha and Weiss.

"So Pyrrha, what kind of team are you looking for?"

"Well I wouldn't mind if I was on the same team with a cute guy. Even if they are weak."

"Well then why don't we be on the same team to make things interesting?"

"Ok that sounds like it would get something going."

"Ok." Weiss switches to her soliloquy. "Mwahahahaha! Yes! I'm trying to be devious instead of being a tsundere. My plan is falling into place. Now no one will suspect I'm into Ruby!"

"You know... I'm still up for being The Huntsman." Juane said.

"How many times do you think that's going to work?" Weiss said.

"Well it looks like it can." Pyrrha said.

"Look your Snow White and I can be your Huntsman. Huh, what do you say?"

"Technically, she's not Snow White, but I'm named after a goddess." Pyrrha said and Juane slides over to her.

"Well... Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" Juane said and Weiss pushed him out of the way.

"Whoa Whoa Whoa. That line is so bad, it's no wonder your not a main character." Weiss said.

"And you are the main character?" Juane said.

"I'm the tsundere, can't you tell!" Weiss said shaking her arms.

Juane gasps like a fangirl. "Then are you one too?" He said to Pyrrha.

"Yes but I am also a model for cereal boxes. It gets confusing as it goes." Pyrrha said.

"Now that you see your not the main character, are you going to get any where with any of us?" Weiss said.

"No." Juane sighed.

"Don't worry Juane. I can be your love interest if you want." Pyrrha said.

"YES!" Juane said.

"Oh. Come on, everyone is going to ship you two anyway. Even the haters." Weiss said.

"You know there is always those that will make doujin and stuff, so..." Juane said.

"Ok Pyrrha get rid of him." Weiss said and Pyrrha throws her spear at him.

"I'm sorry." Pyrrha said.

"Try to work on your character, ok?" Weiss said to Juane walking away.

"Sorry if I'm too rough. But I really like you." Pyrrha said to Juane walking away with her spear.

"Awesome." Juane said.

"Well you got somewhere." Yang said.

"Yeah but now I can't walk." Juane said.

"Well now you aren't just a supporting character anymore." Yang said.

"I don't see how that helps considering I'm supporting him now." Ruby said helping Juane walk.

They all arrive at the cliff-side.

"Now that where here, listen up." Glenda Goodwitch said. "We are throwing you in the forest, where there is also a temple, so you can find items and you will fight grimm. Don't worry if you get killed, we have plenty of body bags."

"What?!" Ruby said.

"Also," Ozpin said. "For teams, the first one you make eye contact with, will be on your team for the rest of the school year."

"Why does that sound like a terrible romantic comedy?" Ruby said.

"Because we are an AMERICAN MADE ANIME. So anything made in said country, is based off of other stuff." Ozpin said. "Also we sending you out in the forest like in The Hunger Games, but you will be launched in the air because that would have been better instead of elevators and stuff. Any questions?"

Juane raised his hand. "Yeah. Do we-"

"Okaaayyyy. Let's get on with it." Half of everyone start flying in the air.

"Wait what are we suppose to find?" Juane said.

"Something shiny is all I can say. And watch out for the Red team." Ozpin said

"What are you talking about?" Juane said.

"Sorry. It's complicated." Ozpin said.

"Well, I guess it's time we-" Yang said and put on her sunglasses. "Flew the coop." (Instert CSI song here). They all fly and Juane screams.

"I would have said something better..." Ozpin said drinking his coffee. "Like, taking a leap of faith." (Insert CSI song here).

-End-

A/N: Ok it was hard to figure out how to work with this episode, but I'll work on the others. Fill free to share some ideas. Thanks :)