Chapter 4-Alex Blake
Alex Blake massaged her forehead as she continued staring at the open case folder in front of her. It was a file of their latest case and she found she couldn't concentrate. It had been their fourth case with the replacements for JJ and Morgan. She recalled how strange it was in the beginning because they were still adjusting to life without JJ and Morgan. The two newbies had their quirks, and for the most part were nice people. Agent Steinman though, she found a bit reserved when it came to her teammates. She put her pen down on the desk, and buried her fingers in her hair, elbows on the desk. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Hotch leave his office, limping as he walked down the steps from the catwalk into the bullpen. He leaned heavily on the cane having gotten rid of the crutches. A small smile crossed her face as she rested her arms on her desk and stared at the file in front of her. She was glad for the moment that Reid, Gateway, and Steinman were in the break area, and that Rossi was absorbed with paperwork in his office. She was alone at her desk.
She missed JJ and Morgan a lot. But since JJ left, she found herself thinking of her husband, James, more and more of late. As she looked back, she suspected she had been feeling this way since Rhode Island, and all those butchered children in the basement. When she closed her eyes at night, the images replayed themselves over and over until she either woke up in a cold sweat, or her screams awakened her. Last night was the worst. It had been so bad James woke her while in the throes of her nightmare. Afterward, she threw herself into her husband's arms sobbing. James Blake didn't need to ask what was troubling his sobbing wife as he held her in his arms. She had told him about Rhode Island. Alex now understood why Morgan and JJ left, and why she knew her decision was the right one for her.
Hotch being shot so soon after Rhode Island had ripped a hole in Morgan's heart which nothing could fill. The man believed a change of scenery would be best for him. JJ left as she was about to bring two new lives into the world, and wanted them to have a full-time mother. Not somebody they saw now-and-then. Or not at all were she to be killed on the job.
With a sigh, Blake picked up her pen and tried to resume working on the open case file, but found she couldn't make herself write a single word. She then lay her pen down again, rested both arms on her desk, and lay her forehead on her arms.
"Blake? You all right?" asked a familiar voice from behind her. Blake's head shot up and she looked around to see Aaron Hotchner standing just to the side leaning on his cane, studying her with an intense stare. She tried to smile.
"I'm fine," she said knowing he didn't believe her. She sighed looking away. "No I'm not." She looked up again. "Hotch, you shouldn't be on your leg so much. Can we talk privately?"
"If you want." Hotch limped away with Blake following him. She shook her head as her boss's limp become a bit more pronounced as they neared the steps leading to the catwalk. Blake suspected Hotch's injured knee was paining him more than he let on, as everyone noticed he had been pushing himself of late. She understood how badly he wanted to get back to chasing Unsubs in the field, and not sitting in police stations working on geographical profiles with Reid. But it was better than him being unable to even go with the team she supposed. They slowly mounted the steps and walked to his office. As they did, she looked over, and saw the others returning from the break area drinking coffee. She also caught Reid studying her from where he stood before she turned her attention to follow Hotch into his office and closing the door.
"We're gonna be losing another team member," Reid announced to the others quietly. He knew Blake had been struggling internally since Rhode Island and finally convinced her to talk to him.
Steinman and Gateway stared at the young genius. They were still getting accustom to Reid and his ability to spout facts, figures, and statistics without missing a beat.
"What makes you say that?" asked Gateway as he sipped his coffee.
Reid shrugged. He would not violate Blake's confidence. "I have no idea. It's just a feeling I have, that's all."
Hotch slowly sat down behind his desk leaning his cane against the bookcase behind him, and grateful to stretch his leg out. He tried to hide the grimace on his face and hoped he succeeded. He clasped his hands together on top of his desk and waited. He had an idea what Blake wanted to talk about with him.
Blake sat down facing her boss's desk with hands in lap. She stared at her hands for a few seconds before facing Hotch.
"My husband is leaving in two weeks for a job overseas for two years. He's asked me to go with him and I told him that I would think about it. I've done nothing but think about it since the case in which you were shot. He needs an answer from me in seventy-two hours as arrangements have to be made on his end. And mine."
"I trust you reached a decision."
"I have. I told him I'd go with him." She noticed Hotch's expression. "I'm sorry, Hotch," she said. "I realize things have been, how should I put it…weird since Rhode Island. But I keep seeing the bodies of those innocent children in that basement, and have been losing my focus at times. I can't do this anymore, Hotch. I just can't. But I hate leaving you a man down. I'm sorry."
Hotch let a slow smile appear on his face. "Don't ever apologize for saying what's on your mind," he informed her. "As for the paperwork, don't worry about it. But for the record, I've enjoyed having you on the team. You did fine work. You'll be missed."
Blake smiled at the compliment. "Thank you. And for what it's worth, Hotch. I'm glad to have had an opportunity to work with this team and under your leadership. Everybody accepted me as soon as I came on-board, and never treated me like an outsider. And I thank you for that."
Hotch blushed a bit. He wasn't used to praise and it made him a bit uncomfortable even though the praise came from one of his own teammates. He tried to keep his face impassive. "That's very nice of you to say, Alex. But you need not thank me. You're good at your job, and we're going to miss you. Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going."
"I will, sir." Blake started to get up from her chair. "And thank you again."
Two weeks later, Alex Blake walked out of the BAU for the last time. She had completed the paperwork, and said her goodbyes to everyone. Like Morgan, she wanted no farewell party and no fanfare, and argued with Garcia about it. All she wanted was a quiet exit. When the day ended, she met up with her husband James who came to pick her up as a surprise. The two of them left to pack and make arrangements for their trip to Pakistan, or as Hotch had referred to it, 'Sandistan.' They both promised to be careful and keep in touch. With nothing left to add, Alex and her husband drove out of the FBI underground parking area. It was the only way Alex Blake hoped would put that horrifying image in the basement out of her mind…hopefully forever. Only time would tell.
