Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Chapter 4

After a gruelling two hour trip in the back of a hot van trundling along a bumpy desert road they finally pulled to a stop, Jane had noticed that Lisbon looked a little green and he felt a bit queasy himself, it probably didn't help that it had been days since they had eaten and drank properly.

He only managed to give her a weak smile from his side of the van before the doors opened and they were ordered out, as soon as they had jumped down from the van their kidnapper grabbed them and pulled them towards a trap door that was almost covered in sand. Glancing over at Lisbons terrified face he had a feeling that their new prison was going to be worse than the one they had just left.

Making sure neither of them could move with the weights pulling them down 'Bill' pulled the hatch open and told them to go down it, Jane gave Lisbon a nod and went down the trapdoor first, there was a steel ladder that led down into darkness. When he reached the bottom of the ladder he heard Lisbon come down as the weights on her feet clanked loudly on the steel ladder, echoing around the room.

The only source of light was coming from the small square on the roof, but when Lisbon reached the bottom of the ladder 'Bill' shut the trapdoor and all the light vanished, they were in complete darkness.

He felt Lisbon shift nervously next to him and on instinct he reached out and grabbed her hand, "Do you know where we are?" He asked quietly, but his voice echoed around the room.

Lisbons grip on his hand tightened, "Yeah." She replied softly, "He kept us in here." She bit her lip, glad Jane couldn't see her face, "He took us to the cabin in the woods first and then to the place where he kept us, but after a couple of days he moved us here until he decided if he would kill us or return us."

Jane felt her shiver and he pulled her closer to him, "Its torture." She whispered, "You can't see anything, during the day the steel walls heat up and it's like an oven, but at night you could freeze to death." She let out another involuntary shiver at the memories.

Jane's hunch had been right, they were in much more danger here, the cell was obviously sound proof and it was in the middle of the desert, he was starting to doubt that the team would ever find them.

With a slight trace of hope in his voice he spoke quietly to her, "The fact he's got the van might help them trace us. If they got the license number and noticed that he was often driving into the middle of nowhere." He knew it was a long shot, but he also knew how important it was to have hope in a situation like this.

With a small sigh Lisbon said, "I doubt it Jane, but thanks for trying."

Letting go of her hand Jane felt his way around the room, from what he could tell it was very small, but very high. He could stand in the middle and touch each side with his hands. After walking around the tiny room a few times he realised it was airtight and sat down on the floor, a few seconds later Lisbon joined him. They were sitting very close together as the room didn't allow much room for manoeuvring and Jane began to feel a little worried about his closeness with the Agent. It made him feel a little uncomfortable, considering the thoughts he had been having about her lately.

"I managed to escape from here once, but I think he would have learned from his mistake, theres no way I can do it again." Lisbon told him, he couldn't see her face, but she sounded tired and resigned to the fact that she was going to die at the hands of this man.

Determined to keep her spirits up Jane focused on the positive as he always did, "Well how did you get out before?" He asked her and when he felt her tense up next to him he realised he had asked the wrong question.

"Well, the trapdoor never had a lock when he first built this thing, but he took the ladder out." Jane had noticed that as soon as Lisbon was down 'Bill' had pulled the ladder away before leaving them in complete darkness.

"The walls are steel and when you have bare feet and its cold its easy to get your feet to stick to steel. The hard part was finding something to grab onto with your hands." She stopped and took a breath, "I ended up using the corner to climb up, I put my feet on one side and pushed myself up with my hands on the corner, I grabbed the trapdoor pushed it up and pulled myself out." She swallowed, "He'd already taken my sister by this point so I ran as far as I could when I got out, after a couple of hours I realised I was stuck in the middle of the desert, but a car came by and picked me up."

Jane felt her shift nervously beside him and her voice cracked a little as she spoke, "It was too late to help Jessica though."

Jane reached over and found Lisbons hand in the darkness, he entwined his fingers with hers and felt her relax a little against his shoulder, "Well I never heard a lock, why don't we try it?" He asked optimistically, but when she thought about it she hadn't heard or seen him locking the trapdoor either.

She wanted to jump right in and try it, but she was aware of the fact that the steel walls around them were heating up and she was beginning to sweat, she had shed her jacket a long time ago in the other prison, but even in trousers and a shirt she was beginning to feel the heat.

"We can try." She said, unable to hide the slither of hope in her voice, "But we have to wait until night when it cools down." Jane wanted to protest and get out whilst they could, but she was right. Trying to get out now would be difficult; they needed to preserve their energy for the night when they would make their escape.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, both lost in their own thoughts, but never letting go of each others hand. In the darkness it was the only way to feel Lisbons emotions and reactions. When he couldn't see her face he had to go by her body language and her voice, it comforted him to be able to know that she was a lot more relaxed now than she had been when the trapdoor had first closed.

He knew it was dangerous to think about the woman sitting so close to him when he was touching her, but she wouldn't be able to read his thoughts, not without seeing his face anyways, he let his mind drift to her and how much she had surprised him lately. Of course he knew she was his tough as nails, hard-ass boss, but she was a woman with feelings too and she did get scared and upset sometimes. He felt honoured in a way that she hadn't been afraid to show her emotions in front of him, it meant a lot to him that she trusted him like that; he just wished he could return the favour.

"Jane." She spoke up quietly and the sound of her voice pulled him from his thoughts with a jump, "Yeah?" He replied softly, trying to keep his voice as low as possible so that the sound wouldn't echo around the creepy room.

"What if we can't get out of here?" The defeat in her voice broke Jane's heart, he was used to the strong Lisbon that led the team and this broken, defeated Lisbon scared him a little.

"We will." He told her and he squeezed her hand in assurance, "I promise." He added and although the words didn't convince her, the tone of his voice told her that she knew he would do whatever he could to try and make sure they got home.

Before she could voice anymore worries however the trapdoor opened with a bang that echoed around the room, Lisbon immediately moved her legs out of the way as the ladder descended down, realising just in time what she was doing Jane pulled his legs back too.

'Bill' descended the ladder and pulled the trapdoor shut behind him, placing the small lamp he was carrying in the corner. This allowed Jane and Lisbon to get a good look at the room. The walls were, as Lisbon had told him, made of steel and the room was as small and confined as Jane had expected.

However before they could contemplate any more on what the room looked like 'Bill' had grabbed Jane and thrown him roughly to the other side of the room before kneeling down next to Lisbon.

Lisbon was scared, but she didn't let it seep into her gaze as she stared the man down with defiance blazing in her eyes, Jane was proud to see that she still had some fight left in her after everything they had been through.

Jane felt his stomach drop as the man ran his finger down Lisbons cheek, she still maintained her kick-ass attitude and although Jane was proud of how she was coping, he still wanted to beat this 'Bill' guy to a pulp.

"You were always such a pretty little girl." He said as he continued to run his finger down her cheek, "And now." He grinned at her, "Now you're a beautiful woman and I plan to take advantage of that."

The way he looked Lisbon up and down like she was a piece of meat made Jane feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't bear to watch this for much longer and he had a feeling that 'Bill' intended to take it further, much further.

He could see that Lisbons façade was beginning to falter a little, she was letting the fear she was feeling slip into her eyes and it only spurred 'Bill' on, "Why don't we relive some old memories?" He asked her with a grin as he reached out to grab the hem on her shirt, Lisbon closed her eyes, not even prepared to fight, but she didn't want Jane to see the shame in her eyes.

However the next thing she knew there was the sound of bone meeting skin. Her eyes flashed open and she was shocked to see that Jane had swiftly made his way across the small room and punched 'Bill' square in the face. With a gasp she covered her mouth as Jane was thrown very roughly across the room and knocked unconscious.

With a glare at the man and a glance at Lisbon he assured her that they would finish this off later.

"Oh when your boyfriend wakes up you can tell him this. I know you think I'm Red John, but you're wrong."

Lisbon almost breathed a sigh of relief, until he finished his sentence, the grin returning once more to haunt her, "I'm just working for Red John."

Lisbon didn't let on how shocked and worried the news had made her, but instead let her curiosity win over her logic, "Why?" She asked, feeling daring.

'Bill' chuckled, "Red John made me a very good deal, Red John said if I handed Jane over then I would get you." With a smirk he remarked, "How could I possibly resist such a tempting offer?"

Leaving Lisbon with her stomach churning in disgust and fear 'Bill' made his way up the steel ladder, pulled it out of the cell with him and slammed the trapdoor shut.

In his hurry to leave he had left the lamp in the cell and Lisbon was glad that she had light to inspect Jane's injuries. As soon as she heard the van drive away she crawled across the hot steel floor, it burned her hands as she moved, but she didn't care, as long as Jane was okay.

When she reached him and pulled him up into a sitting position she felt something hot on her hand, looking down she saw the blood and immediately worried that he wasn't going to make it. She held him up and looked over his body, she instantly saw that the blood was coming from a cut on the side of his head, it didn't look deep and with a sigh she let herself relax slightly when she felt that he had a pulse.

She shook him gently and tried to wake him, knowing that he could go into a coma as he had a head injury "Jane." She said softly, "Jane." a little louder. He stirred and made a noise, but there was no sign that he was waking up.

"Patrick." She finally whispered into his ear as she shook him a little harder than before. He opened his eyes, looking around wearily and lightening up a little when he noticed 'Bill' was gone.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he tried to sit up, causing him to wince in pain as his head spun, Lisbon actually laughed at that, she was relieved that he was okay, "Yeah, I'm okay." She answered as she looked down at the disorientated man fondly, only he would ask how she was when he was the one who had gotten knocked unconscious.

Once she had managed to get him sitting up and in the land of the living she broke the news to the consultant, "When you were knocked out he told me something about Red John."

Janes eyes widened and without words he urged Lisbon to continue, unable to look at the mad look in the mans eyes she kept her gaze on the wall, "He said that he knew we thought he was Red John, but he wasn't." She paused, still unable to look at Jane, "He said he was helping Red John."

Gaining the courage she looked up into Janes eyes and saw confusion and anticipation, the look scared her, "Red John wants you Jane, 'Bill' said that Red John promised to let him have me if he handed you over."

Jane looked at her, letting his fear slip into his gaze for once, once 'Bill' handed him over to Red John she would be left at the mercy of that monster and that scared him more than she would ever know.

To Be Continued

A/N- Wow this is a rather long chapter, but I needed to get a lot of info into this chapter, hope you guys enjoy it!

Please review guys, I love reviews! :D