Tell Me Your Secrets
Alcohol makes everything better.
It's a fact I've come to agree with immensely and practice on more than several occasions. Being underage didn't seem to stop anyone those days, and if you knew the right people, finding the wonderfully devilish substance was a cinch. That's why I had plenty of experience. High school had me prepared.
It turns out that Jenner was taking us to a large cafeteria-like center to eat. Food. Like, real, actual food. I couldn't hide the wide smile that crossed my face. Sure, it isn't gourmet, and it was probably most likely leftover SPAM, but compared to the few scraps I'd been eating for the past couple months, this meal was like a meal from God himself.
We sit down at the table, trying to hold ourselves back from looking like barbarians, but we all know how each other feel. The food sits at the center, and it's steaming, and mocking us all. Rick quickly passes around the servings, trying not to salivate as the smell invades his starving senses.
"Take as much as you like," Jenner says from the end of the table.
I think that was the moment we all decide at once, fuck it, and we began take handfuls of the food, passing it around and stuffing our faces. We laugh, but no one's said anything funny. And then, when it seems as though it can't get any better, Jenner breaks out the wine.
Dale walks around the table and gives us each a glass, and pours generously. Then he gets to Carl, and Lori throws her hand over the top of the glass defensively.
"Well now, in Italy children are aloud to drink!" Dale argues, as the rest of the group begins to debate.
"Well when we take Carl to Italy he can have some there," Lori shakes her head. "And, not to mention," she takes a quick pause to look at me. "How old are you again Aubrey?"
"Um. Twenty-two?" I say, giving her a fake smile.
"Yeah, okay," she snorts, but decides to let it go.
"Oh, what'll it hurt," I hear Rick say, smiling at Lori. "Just give 'em a little."
Lori hesitates but takes her hand off the opening of the glass. "There you are young lad," Dale pours the glass about a quarter of the way and then steps back. Carl gives a quick smile to his dad, and then grabs the glass hastily.
He takes a couple quick sips and pauses for a second, accounting for the flavor. Then suddenly, he scrunches his face and wails "eewww!"
The whole table laughs while Lori pats her son on the shoulder. "That's my boy," she mutters, nodding in approval.
Dale finally reaches Caroline and I and pauses before the young girl sitting next to me. "Care to try?" he asks. Caroline looks at me expectedly and I shrug and motion for her to go ahead and she accepts the wine with a smile.
"Aubrey?" he asks next.
"Yes please," I tell him, grabbing the glass as soon as he's done and taking a large swig of it. I look over at Caroline who takes a whiff of the drink cautiously.
She puts her lips to the glass, and it seems as if everyone is waiting in an intense silence to see if the small girl enjoys the drink or not. With one last glance in my direction, she allows the red liquid to slide smoothly into her mouth. Her eyebrows twitch into a furrow and the corners of her lips turn down.
"Carl's right. That's gross," she shakes her head and grabs the water, sucking it in, trying to drown out the taste of the wine. Everyone laughs again.
The laughter continues on, and even Daryl seems to be having a good time. He's got a bottle of wine he's obviously claimed as his own held tightly in his right hand, and he takes a few swigs every so often, a big smile plastered on his face every time. Leave it to alcohol to make even the most bitter man crack a smile.
"You both might as well stick to soda pop." Shane's voice is soft but heard throughout the table. He's the only one who seems on edge. His hands are wound tightly together and his dark eyes are lifeless. He stares down at the table and only gives the smallest glance towards Caroline and Carl.
"Not you Glenn," Daryl says as his bottle runs out, and he walks over to a new one and takes it back to his spot at the end of the table.
"What?" Glenn says, in between chuckles.
"Keep drinkin' lil' man. I wanna see how red yer face can git," he smiles wickedly and a chorus of laughter and 'ooohs' from the table are his response.
Glenn shakes his head, but his smile still sticks, and he takes a small sip from his glass. I roll my eyes and take another swig from mine. The liquid feels good as it travels coolly down my throat. A good escape from the warm water we'd only had available the past couple weeks. I could sympathize with Carl and Caroline; wine has an acquired taste, and it wasn't until I was old enough to know the effects that I truly wanted to acquire that taste. They'd learn soon enough. But I knew this wouldn't be appropriate to bring up at the moment. Not with Mama Bear Lori in front of me.
I notice Rick send an apprehensive glance at our host, and this is the first time I get a good look at him. He's not having a good time like the rest of us. His expression somewhat matches Shane's. He's stares down, only glancing up every once in a while, though there's not emotion in his eyes. Empty. I shudder. Something didn't seem right.
"It seems to me that we haven't properly thanked our host," Rick stands and clinks a knife against his wine glass slightly.
"He's more than just our host," T-Dog states, raising his glance. The gesture is repeated by everyone at the table, and is followed by a chorus of 'hear hear''s! I clink my glass with Caroline's cup of water and smile genuinely at our savior. He gives a small nod and holds up his glass, sharing a grateful glance with Rick.
"Booyah!" I hear Daryl shout from the opposite end. Everyone repeats his call.
"So when are you gonna tell us what happened here, Doc."
Shane's voice brings us grudgingly back to reality. I steal a glance of hate with the dark-haired man, but his eyes are still set on the table. "All the other doctors," he pauses. "That were supposed to be figuring out what happened. Where are they?"
Happy hour is officially over.
We all share annoyed glares, and even Carol bites her lip. Rick starts to sit down. "We're celebrating, Shane," he scolds. "Don't need to do this now."
"Whoa, wait a second now, this is why we're here, ain't it?" he holds up his hand. His eyes remain vacant. "This was your move, Rick. Supposed to find answers." He pauses again and chuckles. "Instead we find one man. Instead we find him."
I can't help but raise my eyebrows and glare. How could he even talk like this? This "one man" saved our lives. It's all I can do not to speak out, but I know it's not my place. I was grateful to be apart of this survival group, the last thing I want to do is make the right-hand man hate me.
"Well when things got bad, a lot of people just left, went off to be with their families. And when things got worse, when the military cordon got overrun, the rest bolted," Jenner speaks to no one in particular.
"Every last one?" Shane seems annoyingly satisfied with his rude mood-take-down.
"No. Many couldn't face walking out the door. They… opted out."
This seems to complete ruining everyone's buzz. Jacqui takes a deep drink of her wine, and Rick glares at Shane. I glance down at the little girl sitting next to me. Her expression is vacuous. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
"That was a bad time," Jenner concludes.
"You didn't leave," Andrea notes. "Why?"
"I continued working. Hoping to do some good."
"Dude, you are such a buzz-kill, man," Glenn moans. Shane shrugs.
It's quiet. No one speaks. I grab my glass tentatively and finish the drink with one last gulp. I go to reach for the bottle, but I feel a hand stop me. I look at my prosecutor and see Lori. "I think that's enough."
"I only had one glass," I tell her, narrowing my eyes.
"I just don't want you to set a bad example for the kids..." She looks at my sister.
"Oh it's okay," Caroline leaps to my defense. "I learned a long time ago not to copy anything Aubrey does."
"Oh, well that's just great," Lori rolls her eyes, but there's a hint of a smile on her lips.
"What are you talking about?" I look at Caroline. "When have I ever set a bad example?"
She thinks for a moment. "Well there was that time you snuck out to go to that party." This receives a glare from Lori. "And when you got those detentions for skipping class. And that other time when you snuck out when you were grounded. And there was also that time when you stole mom's car to go to the mall—"
"Okay!" I stop her and feel my cheeks grow red. "I think you've proved your point…" I hear snickering from around the table, but I can't help but feel the puncture of a hard glare from Mama Bear Lori from across the table.
"Looks like we got ourselves a real badass ov'r here," Daryl leans against the table and stares me down. He's drunk.
"Got that right. You don't wanna mess with me," I puff out my chest and narrow my eyes at him playfully. He rolls his eyes and takes another swig of his bottle.
The table laughs again, and I feel like the tension Shane and Andrea brought upon us is somewhat fading. They might have their reasons for depression, but this was not just another night of barely getting by… we were finally safe. And that calls for a celebration, now-a-days.
After a few more comical marks from various members of the table, and several sly mouthfuls of wine I'd snuck past Lori, Jenner decides to take us to where we'll be staying. We all stand, and I automatically begin to feel the effects of the alcohol spreading through my body. I sway slightly and have to shake my head to steady myself. I feel a hand grip my arm and look up to see Glenn smiling. "You okay?" his words are slurred and I laugh.
"Fine," I drag out, before stepping into place at the back of the group with Glenn at my side.
"Most of the faculty is still powered down," Jenner starts as he leads us down a hallway. The lights begin to flicker on. "Including housing, so you'll have to make do here. The couches are comfortable, but there are some spare cots in the supply closets so feel free to use those if you wish."
I almost trip on my own feet.
"There's a rec room down the hall that you kids might enjoy." He stops and points down at Sophia, Carl, and Caroline who have taken lead of the group. "Just don't plug in the video games, okay? Or anything that draws power. And that applies to you all too." Everyone nods in understanding.
I wonder for a moment why the walls are spinning around me.
"If you shower, go easy on the hot water."
Whoa. Back up. Hot water? You don't have to be completely sober to know what that means. I almost jump for joy, but it seems that Glenn's beat me to it.
"Hot water?" he speaks from beside me. Everyone pauses and glances at each other.
"That's what the man said," T-Dog grins and we all let out a laugh of relief and happiness.
We begin to break apart at this point. Some people open the doors to their rooms and others follow Jenner. I stay behind and scan the hallway, a smile plastered on my face.
"Ya just gonna stand there like a dumbass?"
I immediately connect the abusive tone to Daryl.
I ignore his comment and take a deep breath. I finally meet his gaze and find him leaning against an open door to a room, a bottle of wine still gripped firmly in his hand. I smirk and make my way towards him. "I just can't wait to take a shower."
"Ya need it," he takes a swig. I roll my eyes and grab the bottle from him when he's finished with his guzzle. "Hey—" he protests, but I take the biggest mouthful I can manage and hand the bottle back to him, struggling to get all the liquid down.
"Though' Lori said ya had enough," he smirks and puts the bottle back up to his lips for a quick sip.
I press a finger up to his lips. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her…" I turn into a fit of giggles. He moves from his spot on the door frame and walks into the room. I follow.
"This place is like fucking Heaven," I fall, back-first onto the couch with a thud and stare up at the ceiling which also seems to be moving slightly. I blink a few times. I get a grunt in reply. I continued to lie still for a few moments, but the blood flowing through my veins seems utterly restless, so I give up and sit up, looking around for my redneck abuser.
"Ya gotta go." He comes back into view and I realize his shirts off.
"Why?"
I look at the ripples in his arm and stomach muscles. He's toned, and there are several scars that run along his bare skin. I can feel my heartbeat quicken and my eyebrows raise. Why leave when I can just sit here and stare at your body for a while… is what I mean to say.
"Because I ain't gonna spend my show'r listenin' to ya ramble on 'bout shit," he spits.
"Ohhhh. I get it," I nod and watch him walk over to his drink and take another swill. "You're an angry drunk."
He looks at me and rolls his eyes. "Where's tha' goddamn chink when ya need 'em," he growls.
"Look, you're just proving my point…" I giggle. He grabs my arm and pulls me to the door.
"See you later," I smile at him.
He rolls his eyes again, but before he slams the door in my face, I can clearly see that his lips are pulled into a small smile.
xx
The shower is exactly what I needed. I guess I hadn't truly realized how dirty I really was. Back at the camp, there was no where to shower. A small bucket that you could fill with dirty water was the least you could get. Strange, how the soldiers always appeared so clean.
As I run my fingers through my now smooth and untangled hair, I think back to my conversation with Glenn. Well, what little of the conversation we'd had. It was cut short, by the appearance of food. He told me we'd talk about it later, but with the state of both our minds, I knew it wouldn't occur. I told myself we'd talk tomorrow, but my mind kept pulling me in other directions. To the feast, to the wine, to Daryl's body… Mmm. Daryl's body. I wasn't sure if my next smile was a result of the warm water running down my back, or the thought of seeing the surprising hot redneck basically undress right in front of me.
After finishing scrubbing what was left of the inch of dirt collected over the top of my skin, I shut the water off. My body immediately chills, but I wrap a towel around me, and for once, I feel okay.
My mind flashes to Reese. Probably dirty. Possibly dead.
I shake my head and push him from my mind.
I walk out into the room that I'm sharing with Caroline and find she's still not here. Probably still with Lori, Carl, Sophia, and Carol. At least I think they're who I saw her with last… I shake my head to clear my thoughts and walk over to my bag. Everything I own is dirty. I sigh and sit down on my bed. That's when I hear a knock at the door. I'm not sure if it's just my imagination, before the door creaks open, and a familiar blonde head of hair pokes her head through the small opening.
"Aubrey? Can I come in?" her voice is distressed.
"Course," I reply, adjusting my towel to make sure nothing is displayed that shouldn't be.
She walks through the door and I immediately see something's wrong. Her hair is still wet, and it hangs loosely to her shoulders. Her eyes are narrowed in anguish and in her hands are a set of clothes. She bites her lip and looks at the couch.
"You can sit," I tell her.
"Thanks." Andrea runs a shaky hand through her hair and takes a seat. "I brought you these," she hands over a t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and underwear.
"Oh wow, thank you," I accept them gratefully.
"You didn't get to do laundry back at our old camp, so I figured you didn't have any clean clothes," her eyes are still full of emotion.
"That's not why you're here, though." I realize the walls are no longer spinning. Guess I lost my buzz. I mentally add 'visit Daryl's hidden stash of bottles' to my to-do list for later.
"No, it's not," she admits, her eyes filling with water.
"Want to talk about it?" I ask her.
"You can get dressed."
I nod and stand up, walking behind the couch and see she's completely turned around, I'd guess making sure I'd know she wasn't peeking. I quickly unwrap the towel and put on my old bra, since Andrea hadn't brought me a clean one. Then, I pull on the t-shirt. Not one for putting on jeans right after a hot shower, I pull on the underwear, but since the shirt is rather large on my almost anorexic frame, it covers anything that needs to be covered, and I walk back over to the couch and sit down.
"Caroline is great," Andrea says, staring down at the ground. "She's smart. And brave."
"She is." I smile. "She's the only reason I keep going."
This hits a cord with her. She tenses and shuts her eyes, a tear trickling down her cheek. Shit.
"I'm sorry," I start, placing my hand on hers.
"Her name was Amy," she looks up at me, her bright blue eyes overwhelmed with sadness. "She was your age. You both would've gotten along great." She smiles.
"I'm sure she was wonderful."
"A walker got her."
I swallow. The sympathy I feel for the girl in front of me is beyond measurable. A walker getting Caroline is my biggest fear. I would never want her to go through with that. "I'm so sorry."
"I was too late. Too late. I should've saved her. I promised I'd never let anything hurt her. I should've been there—"
"You can't blame yourself," I cut her off. "I don't know what happened, but you cannot ever blame yourself. I know it's hard, but things happen, and you can't control or stop them."
"That's easy for you to say. You still have your sister." Her eyes are cold and hard. I bite my lip.
"Sorry, you're right." I look down. I can't imagine how I'd feel if Caroline died. Destroyed. Ruined. Broken beyond repair.
Her eyes soften and she shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry. You're just trying to help. I just don't know what to do anymore."
"You just have to be happy," I meet her eyes and she begins to protest but I stop her. "It's what Amy would want. I don't know her, but I do know that she loved you. And she would want you to be happy, and survive this."
She considers this and slowly nods her head. "I guess you're right."
I smile back. "I usually am." She returns the gesture.
"Thank you, Aubrey. It means a lot." She starts to stand. "I think I'll go get some sleep. Good night." She begins to walk to the door but stops and turns. "Thank you. Again."
"Anytime," I smile and watch her walk out the door.
I wait for a while. Waiting to see if Caroline was going to come to bed. If so, she'd want me to tuck her in. She usually can't sleep unless that's done. After a while of trying to tame my drying hair though, I decide to pull it back into a braid. Then, stare at myself in the mirror.
Damn. What I'd do for a pair of tweezers, a razor, and my moisturizers. My dark brown hair has been lightened slightly by all the time I've spent in the sun, and my skin seems as if it'll be forever sun-kissed, not that I mind. I pull myself from my reflection and walk out the room. Maybe Caroline decided to stay with Carol or Lori. I walk over to where Daryl's room is and quickly look around before knocking on the door slightly. After a few moments of muted scuffling from his room, he opens the door.
"Whut."
He has another cut off shirt on, but just a pair of boxers instead of his regular jeans. I remember I forgot to put on pants. Good thing the shirt covers mostly everything. Mostly.
"Can I come in?" I ask.
He moves out of the way on the door and I step inside. He's already claimed it as his room, I note. There's a few empty smaller bottles on the floor. Jeez, I wonder how he's not like passed out. Or dead.
"Taking it easy on the liquor tonight, I see."
"Fuck you."
"Maybe later." I smirk at him and walk over to a half-filled bottle and take a large drink from it. I shiver as the liquid makes it's way down my throat. "I've never been a big wine fan."
"Coulda fooled me."
"Funny. I guess opinions change after drinking nothing but water for weeks."
"I hear tha'." He makes his way over to me and grabs the bottle from my hand. I turn around and walk over to the couch, plopping myself down on the soft fabric.
"Are you aware that no one here is particularly fond of you?" I ask him, knowing that if I were completely sober the words would have never come out of my mouth. Instead of getting angry, he shrugs it off.
"Don't give a fuck."
"Why?"
"Why whut."
"Why don't you care?"
"Why should I? They dun' mean shit to me."
"They're nice."
"Doesn't mean I gotta care 'bout 'em."
"Doesn't mean you have to hate them."
"I dun' hate 'em. Just dun' care whut they think o' me."
"Oh." I consider this for a moment. "Do you care what I think of you?"
"Nah."
"So you aren't like, emotionally in touch with your feelings?" I snicker when I see his face curl up in disgust.
"I ain't no fuckin' pussy," he growls.
"Oh, alright Macho Man. Didn't realize it was such a touchy subject."
He growls under his breath. I laugh.
"Whut?"
"Nothing."
He grunts, tossing yet another empty bottle onto the floor. He makes his way over to the door and opens it, sticks his head out, and then walks back in the room, stumbling slightly.
"Is anyone awake?" I ask him as he sits down on a matching chair angled towards the couch.
"Dun' think so."
"Oh okay." I stifle another yawn.
"Shouldn' you be sleeping." It's not a question.
"Can't."
"Why not?"
I smile at him. "I thought you didn't care about what I think."
He grunts again. "Never said I did."
"Okay, whatever you say."
We hear a low knock on the door and I automatically stiffen my back before I realize there's nothing to be afraid of here. I start to stand but Daryl beats me to it, and works his way towards the door clumsily and opens it a smidge.
"'s Aubrey there?" I hear Glenn slur. I roll my eyes.
"Nope." Daryl starts to shut the door in the Korean boy's face, but he sticks his arm through at the last minute and pushes himself inside.
"There you are!" he exclaims, throwing his arms into the air. "I've been looking everywhere!"
"Here I am," I try not to laugh at his condition. Someone can't handle his liquor…
"Do you know where my room is?" his face is replaced by a genuine concern. I laugh again. "I'm lucky I found you guys. I woke up almost everyone getting here!"
"Alright, Mr. Alcohol. Let's get you to bed."
I grab his hand and lead him to the door. He walks outside in the hallway and steadies himself against the wall, murmuring about how he used to think brown cows produced chocolate milk. Oh boy.
"Guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I smile at Daryl.
"Guess so."
"Night, Macho Man," I smirk at him, and even though I can tell he's trying to keep a straight face, he smirks back.
"Night Aubs."
I'm not sure what makes my heartbeat faster: the fact that Glenn tries to cop a feel on me twice on the way back to his room, or the fact that Daryl used the same nickname on me Reese used back in high school. I shake my head, and after dropping off my very drunk horny friend, I make my way back to my room and lie in complete darkness on the couch. I can barely make out the words that come next, but they're definitely there. His voice is just above a whisper, and they flow smoothly in my brain.
"Goodnight Aubs."
I stare at the ceiling for a moment, but I know I've heard right. So I allow the sleep to take over me, and with my last conscious thought, I smile into the black.
"Goodnight Reese."
A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the feedback, first of all! And secondly, sorry this took longer to put out… I've been pretty busy with school work and stuff, and haven't been able to write any. So anyway, sorry if this chapter kind of sucks, I promise it'll get real exciting! I've got big plans coming up. ;D
So I hope you liked it, and please, please review! It would make my day :D
Oh, and for anyone who cares: I was LITERALLY in the same room with Kevin Bacon last night. We made eye-contact. It was BEAUTIFUL. Hahaha thanks for reading!
Oh, oh! And if you have the time, and you're into good music, you should definitely check out The Parlor Mob! I actually named my story after one of their songs, Practice In Patience. So, check 'em out!
-Maddie
