blue eyes and happy times
coming out and heartbreak part 4
disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets World
You think you've drifted so far that you can hardly see her. Yeah you see her everyday. But you don't as much as you used to. You stop meeting her everyday after school. You instead walk your new girlfriend home. Those brown eyes got ahold of you. And you gave up on bright blue. And it still hurts. You wish that things worked out. You wish that you were with her. But you're happy(?). You finally tell your girlfriend you love her. And you do. But part of you thinks you love Maya more (you feel sososo bad). By now you just want to know if she ever loved you.
You don't tell her about your girlfriend. You just always tell her you're going with her. You thinks she questions it. But she never says anything. (You want her to say something)
She becomes accustomed to your girlfriend. She never uses the word but you know she suspects. It's been 3 weeks and you fall more and more into the dark brown forest. You've lost memory of the blue. And she jokes around with you like she used to (it seems like she does this once a month) but she holds your hand and you grip it and never wanna let go. And she's first to pull away and you await the next time she holds you like she used to. How can you tell her? You're still clinging onto some hope that she loves you? But you avoid it. You shut your feeling up and remember that you love the dark brown hair that you curl through your fingers.
You love it you love it you love it
You know you have to tell her. So you text her. The first thing you do is apologize. Why do you apologize? For having a girlfriend. It's not wrong (but you know it is) and she's Maya. She's happy for you and you know it.
"Congrats Riles I'm happy for you. As long as you're happy I'm happy"
Those words linger for longer than you want them to. Because you don't want her to be happy. You want her to be mad at you and be heartbroken. You want her to show some sign that she cares. But she doesn't. And you don't know what hurts more. So you fall further and further because it's not like you can get any lower than you are.
And one day after gym, Maya's too sore to walk upstairs (although she refuses to admit it) and you can hear her hissing in pain. So you, being the best friend you've always been, grab her arm and help her up. But she pulls away like you're on fire. She says nothing, but your arms turns to ice. And you swear you'll never touch her again because it hurts too much (you know it's a lie)
And you go home and cry. Because you don't deserve those beautiful brown eyes. And you feel sososo guilty for being the way you are. Because you don't deserve anyone. So you go through it. Everyday. You kiss her and tangle your hands in her brown hair. And you listen to the sad music that reminds you of blue eyes and happy times.
review it up
true story::don't try it
next chapter will no longer be my story, but what ive wanted since I started this
xx, Alice
