Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. For one thing it belongs to the Japanese and I'm absolutely European.

Summary: What if two factors had been different? What if Light's conscious had been stronger (or ego smaller), and what if he had been gay?

Main pairing: seme!L/domineering!uke!Light

A/N: So in the last chapter I said I will post in January. Umm, well here's my excuse: Two days before my vacation abroad ended I got sick. As in so sick I haven't been like that in years. I think my fever actually hit 40C at one point (a person's internal organs start to shut down/cook themselves at 42C). I'm telling you, flying in an airplane with a fever and a super clogged up nose is not something I ever want to repeat again (and to prove what a bitch karma can be my period started as well). So after I arrived home I didn't get immediately writing, since I was honestly not feeling up to it. So after my illness subsided I discovered that I had just lost interest in writing this. But don't worry I'm back now.

PS: my hols I will remember as the worst I've ever had.

PPS: I went to Venezuela.

Posted: 19 Feb. 2011


Chapter four: Buggie!

January eight started out like any other day. Light got up, washed, brushed (preened, primped and a million other things) and left for school. There was nothing out of ordinary about that day. Light was walking home and talking to his two acquaintances from school, discussing the crime rate, and Ryuk was floating behind the three.

When Light got to his house he made a comment that it's not too late to send him a New Year's card, to which he got a laugh and a reply that the guy only sends cards to girls. Light laughed lightly, but pouted slightly when his back was turned.

Light pulled the doorknob only to realize it was locked. He rang the bell, but no one answered. Guess no one's home he thought while taking out his key and unlocking the door.

Yes, nothing was out of the ordinary about that day… until Light got to his room's door.

"Ne, Light. Since nobody's home, how about we play a game of Mario golf?" Ryuk asked as Light entered his room.

Light did not answer, or even look at Ryuk. He just plopped himself on the bed.

"Hee~y Light, let's play Mario golf!" The Shinigami whined, but Light continued ignoring him.

Ryuk started to get a little annoyed when Light took off his school jacked and put on his outwear jacket, all the while not once acknowledging Ryuk's existence.

"Where are we going, Light?" Ryuk asked once they left the house.

"What's with the cold shoulder? I'm starting to get annoyed. Lii~ght?"

While Ryuk started to do some weird boogie-dance behind Light's back to get his attention, Light checked his jacket's crevices to make sure it had no hidden bugs Looks like this jacket's clean.

"There might be hidden cameras or microphones in the house." He said finally.

"Mhuh?" Ryuk said, mid dance.

"Probably both, actually." He added as an afterthought.

Ryuk stopped wiggling bizarrely and put himself in a straight position again.

"So, that's why you were ignoring me." Ryuk said "Wait a minute! That slip of paper was still there." He realized.

"That's just a decoy. What I really check is the handle."

"Mhuh?" Ryuk cocked his head, eagerly waiting for an explanation.

Light explained how he slightly pushed the handle down after exiting the room, and how he used a piece of mechanical pencil coal on top of the door hinge.

"The handle was up and the coal was broken. The fact that the slip of paper was back in place is what worries me. If it was my mother or sister they probably wouldn't have noticed, and not replaced it after leaving." He took a sigh "Whoever it was at least they didn't find the notebook, otherwise my desk would be melted."

The pair walked into a bookshop.

"Going to buy books on surveillance and bugging to study up on it?"

"Not quite, Ryuk."

A slight smirk made an appearance on Light's lips.

"By the way, what about your apples, Ryuk?"

"Ha?"

"I can see you, so it doesn't look weird or anything, but what about regular people?"

"Yipes!" the Shinigami seemed to start sweating all of a sudden "Once it's in my belly, no mouth, it should be okay. However, when I'm holding it, it looks like an apple's floating midair."

"Shinigami don't die, right? So I can stop giving you apples."

Light's back was to Ryuk so he wasn't able to see the devious devilish smirk Light had.

"H-hey now Light! Apples for me are like tobacco or liquor is like to humans! I'll go through withdrawal when deprived." He moaned sadly.

"What are the symptoms?" Light asked dispassionately.

"I do handstands and twist myself into a pretzel."

Light nearly sweat dropped "I'd rather not see that. You're ugly as it is."

"With the cameras you can give L a show." Ryuk verbally poked back.

A very faint blush spread on Light's cheeks. Ryuk was right. He had to act like nothing was wrong, so showing a bit of skin was inevitable.

"By the way, how far can you go from me, Ryuk?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're always floating behind me, unless I boot you to the next room while I shower. So being in the same room as me isn't completely necessary. How far away from me can you go?"

"Hmm, I think maybe a few mile radius. But only temporarily."

"What's the time limit?"

"No idea."

A few minutes are enough.

"About your apples, Ryuk." Ryuk floated closer, not wanting to miss anything Light said next "If you want to keep eating them you'll have to find out if there are cameras. If you do find some, you'll have to find all of their locations."

"Hee? Why me?" Ryuk pouted, pointing his sharp, pointy finger at himself, looking like a young adolescent being given extra chores.

"Well, I have to play my part of a serious student, getting ready for college exams. You, my dear invisible roommate, are free to do whatever you please. Cameras these days are wireless, with tiny lenses, and easy to hide. However, if you cover the lens it can't fulfill its purpose anymore. Locate all of the cameras, and with luck, there might be a blind spot where you can eat your apples. And if there are none I can stand in front of the camera or move something in front of it."

Ryuk hummed, suddenly starting to think this whole ordeal might actually be fun.

"Bugs can be easily found with a detector, which I can buy, but I cannot use it with cameras following my moves. Don't worry about them staying too long. If it gets too long I'll just 'find' one and have my dad remove them. Of course for that too I need to know where they are."

"Um, I'm not on your side, or L's." Ryuk started uncertainly.

"So?" Light replied, not even sparing Ryuk a glance.

"But, I guess it would be a pain to go without apples, and even worse to be in your room with you ignoring me all the time."

"Thank you, Ryuk. You're a lot more honest than any human I know."

"Alright, camera hunt. Sounds like fun."

They arrived back home.

Light took off his shoes and went upstairs. The slip of paper that should have been between the wall and the door was lying innocently on the floor. He paused and glared at the small piece of paper. With an annoyed sigh he hurried into his room with a sudden sprint.

Sayu was sprawled on his bed; with one of his –ahem- special magazines open before her.

Sonuva…!

"Beautiful, Sayu. Just gorgeous." Light said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, an angry look on his face.

Light kicked his door shut and locked it, even though no one else was home.

"Aw, come on, Light! What's the point of having a gay older brother, if you can't take advantage of it?" She said sheepishly.

"Your closeted gay older brother, where he's very comfortable, thank you very much. What would you have done if mom would've walked in, or worse, dad?"

Sayu laughed sheepishly again and scratched the back of her head.

"No one was home."

"I came home, and you didn't hear me! Jeez, Sayu, next time lock the damn door, that way you can play the 'annoying-nosy-sister-going-through-her-brother's-stuff' card. Or better yet, go to your own room. You are a teenager already, after all! Christ, use your brain for once."

Light probably wouldn't have been that angry at Sayu otherwise, but this little ordeal might've outed him to Soichiro. He was hoping to avoid it, but he had been mentally preparing himself if something like this happened.

"Did you get new material?" Sayu tried to change the subject, and the bookbag in his arm was as good a distraction as any.

Light sighed, trying to calm himself. No point getting all pissy over something inevitable.

"No, new decoys. Here, help me prep it. It's the least you can do for me."

Light opened the brown paper bag and took out the dirty magazines.

"Aah, the infamous bikini models." Sayu said dramatically.

Light rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the magazines and started bending their spines, not even sparing a glance at the contents.

"You could just come out. That way I could say I stole one of my brother's favorite magazines." Sayu said innocently and picked up one of the magazines and started bending it too, but she sometimes glanced at the various bikinis and shoes the models wore.

"How many times have we had this conversation, Sayu?" Light sighed.

"I don't get it. Why do you insist on living like this? Mom and dad don't even know you. The real you."

"Mom and dad see me as perfect. Perfect doesn't like its own gender." Light said dispassionately.

"Light. You'll never be happy like that."

"Why not? I've told you what I plan on doing with my future."

"Yes, you'll either stay single till death, or marry some star struck girl, who's probably busy with her own career, or determined to have an army of babies. Meanwhile you'll be too busy with your own job to pay her much attention. I don't see how that could work, Light."

"Why not? Dad's doing it."

Sayu pouted.

"What about sex?"

Light sent his sister an intense look.

"You actually want to talk about that?"

"Dad loves mom. At least he does her whenever he has the time."

"Sayu! Where'd you pick up that kind of language? It's our parents you're talking about. It's disturbing in so many levels."

"Doesn't change the fact that it's true."

Light sighed again, exasperatedly.

"Gay men have suppressed their urges and slept with women since the beginning of time. I don't see why I can't do the same." He said emotionlessly, and continued bending magazines, though a bit harsher than before.

"What if you can't control your desires after it becomes too much?" Sayu pressed on, determined to make her brother crack.

"I'll be discreet."

"Light! Seriously?" Sayu threw her own magazine away, scandalized.

"What of it? Don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answers."

Sayu looked her brother straight in his eyes.

"I think you should tell mom and dad."

"The world already has one person who gives people heart attacks. It doesn't need another."

Light sighed (he seemed to be doing it a lot today) and decided the magazine spines were stretched out enough.

He picked up the homoerotic magazine and hid it deep in his bookcase, along where all the others were. Then he put a few random geography books in front of them, then the decoy dirty magazines, and finally other random schoolbooks.

"It's my own fault. I've lived my life without a fault up until now. I can't change." Light said quietly.

"You can live your life the way you want it." Sayu said seriously.

Light didn't say anything.


When L first discovered Kira's case he was truly intrigued. Mental stimulation was his biggest joy, but in a world where you're possibly the smartest person alive it's hard to find a truly challenging case. So when he discovered the highly mindboggling mystery that was the mass murderer he felt a perverse sort of excitement. Not that he condoned with murder, or any other crime subclass, he just likes anything that can give him a serious mental workout. And boy does this case make him break a mental sweat.

Ever since the stunt he pulled with Mr. Tailor he knew for absolute certainty that this is going to be the most thrilling case he will ever come across in his lifetime. And that was just because of the supernatural subtext the mystery had. But then it became clear that Kira doesn't only have supernatural powers to take a person's life, but he also is exceptionally bright. L was truly starting to believe that he had met his match, but that didn't mean he was going to lose. Absolutely not!

L also had never met an opponent that could get under his skin like Kira had. The three suicide notes, for example. He had avidly followed completely bogus clues, whose only goal was ultimately his taunting.

The worst of it all was that even though he had been working on the case for over a month, he still did not have a single suspect. Sure he had narrowed it down from world to Japan to Kanto region to student, but he still had no individuals!

Then there were the deaths of the FBI agents. Three precious lives. Not only that, but his little private investigation onto NPA members' personal lives came about. But the absolute worst was that he was forced to show his face, something he had never had any need of doing before.

The agents' lives weren't thrown away completely in vain, however. A squad of agents was killed by Kira, so it was safe to assume that one of the three came in contact with, and was discovered by Kira. Now the real question is, is Kira one of the people that was under surveillance, or did Kira discover the agents by pure chance?

Then arrived another interesting twist of this tale. Naomi Misora: the betrothed of one of the deceased FBI agents, and an ex-agent herself.

She brought in some fresh ideas, some quite disturbing, but that made sense. But besides that, she had interesting theories from the detective superintendent's son. From the quick research L had done he already knew that the boy was intelligent, and that he had helped NPA with few cases in the past. But was the youngling really that smart, or was it something else entirely.

Either way, the probability that Kira was in one of the seven families the three agents probed was all they had, and with a few guilt trips it was decided that they will make a complete survey of all seven families, with cams and bugs and all that jazz, for approximately seven days each. However, since they were short handed, and L really didn't trust anyone else to not miss an important detail, it was decided they would do things agent-by-agent, and not upload the cameras in all the houses at the same time. They started with the two families probed by Raye Penber.

Due to sentimental reasons, and to avoid awkward moments between members, the only ones allowed to view the Yagami household cameras were Soichiro Yagami and L personally.

So here they were. Sitting (Soichiro normally, and L with his knees to his chest) on chairs, with only one of them comfortable, and looking at installed cameras at the Yagami household.

The first one to arrive in the house was Soichiro's son, Light, and also the one that L held the most interest in (which was something Soichiro already knew, and felt extremely uncomfortable about).

"According to the guy who installed the cameras, he's checking if anyone goes into his room while he's away." L mentioned absently "Other than that his room held nothing suspicious."

Nothing unusual was observed as Light plopped himself on the bed for a while before exchanging his school jacket for an everyday jacket. Light then exited his room, and placed a small slip of paper between his door and the wall. Soichiro was mildly surprised.

"So he is. I didn't realize he went to such lengths. Might there be something in there that he doesn't want anyone to see?" He asked L, feeling uncomfortable.

And considering his son seemed to be L's nr 1 suspect, at the moment the discomfort and worry was only natural.

"Well, considering he's 17 it isn't at all that unusual. I myself have done it for no reason at all." L spared a glance towards the older man "Also, since your son has shown interest in the Kira case and is following it closely, have you ever shared any sort of information with him whatsoever?"

Soichiro looked both startled and slightly offended.

"Of course not! Even though I did tell them I was heading the task force, I would never ever divulge confidential police information! Besides, I've hardly had time to be home since the case started, and when I am mostly all I do is sleep." That last tidbit seemed to sadden the slightly graying man.

"Alright." L said, finding no reason to press further.

About ten minutes or so the daughter, Sayu, came home. She hollered loudly that she was home and didn't seem at all put out when no one answered. She threw her bookbag into her room and skipped to the kitchen to eat a tangerine. Then the proverbial light bulb seemed to ignite above her head. With a devious look she snuck upstairs and into her older brother's room, imitating a cartoon sneak-walk while doing it as well, all the while grinning a devious smile.

"Sayu…" Soichiro sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, not at all liking the mischief his daughter was up to.

L didn't comment, finding this behavior to be more than normal for a 14-year old. However the magazines she fished out from a very specific part of the bookcase probably were not. L spared a glance at the chief when he heard him suck in a breath, an expression of complete disbelief (and denial) on his face. For a while he moved his lips, as if trying to say something.

"What are those magazines…?" He finally said after finding his voice again.

"I would have to say homoerotic pieces of pictures and arti-"

"That was a rhetorical question!" Soichiro nearly shouted, angrily "My son is not…" He couldn't even bring himself to finish the sentence.

L almost felt nearly guilty. Digging up these kinds of skeletons from this family's closet was not what he was after, but Soichiro should've known that there would be no secrets in front of cameras. Looks like it wasn't L he should've been worrying about seeing something forbidden (forbidden as in nakedness, not Kiraness, of course).

L summoned Watari and asked him to bring Soichiro a glass of water.

"Looks like you might find some answers, Mr. Yagami." L said, voice devoid of emotion like usual, as Light reentered the house.

Soichiro turned back to the TVs, sure that there was a rational explanation why there were magazines of these types in his son's room. Maybe Sayu liked to stash things she didn't want found in her own room (and denial isn't just a river in Egypt).

L watched, interested, as Light's expression darken once he noticed the slip of paper on the floor instead of in between the door and wall. Confrontations, those are always fun he thought to himself, feeling a wee bit unprofessional.

"Beautiful, Sayu. Just gorgeous." The attractive youth said, not looking amused.

"Aw, come on, Light! What's the point of having a gay older brother, if you can't take advantage of it?" The sheepish girl replied and in one sentence destroyed the blissful denial of the father of an apparently-gay-son.

"Your closeted gay older brother, where he's very comfortable, thank you very much. What would you have done if mom would've walked in, or worse, dad?"

"My son is a homo!" Came a wail next to L, momentarily distracting him.

"Which is something one does not actually have any control over, and thus is unchangeable, no matter what some people say or do. Crying over it does it no good, and neither will it change anything." L said in his usual tone of voice, annoyed at the man's unprofessionalism, even though it was understandable and even expected.

At least the distraught man stopped wailing, and forced himself to concentrate on his children, who were now folding ordinary dirty mags nonchalantly. Soichiro found himself almost wishing his son had brought a prostitute home. Anything would be better.

"I don't get it. Why do you insist on living like this? Mom and dad don't even know you. The real you."

They went on with the conversation, making Soichiro feel worse and worse. But one thing that really struck with him, and it didn't have anything to do with his only son preferring his own gender.

"Yes, you'll either stay single till death, or marry some star struck girl, who's probably busy with her own career, or determined to have an army of babies. Meanwhile you'll be too busy with your own job to pay her much attention. I don't see how that could work, Light."

"Why not? Dad's doing it."

Was he really that career oriented? Would he have had realized before what his son was keeping a secret if he had been home more often? What if's and different scenarios started chasing each other around in his head, and before he knew it he had a headache.

L realized that Soichiro was too much in shock and missed a big portion of the conversation. It was a good thing that the had everything on tape, because he was going to force the Yagami patriarch to watch the conversation later when he's calmed down and not in shock any more. Maybe it was because he was guilty for outing a son to his father in such a harsh way, but he hoped that this conversation the two siblings had (which was unusually enlightening) would be enough to make the father accept his son for what he is. And if not, Light seemed to already have his live roughly drafted.

Hours later the Yagamis sat down for dinner.

"Not another music program. Watch the news every once in a while, Sayu." Light said as he arrived in the dining area.

"Not when Hideki's on, absolutely not! He's gorgeous. Why don't you like anybody?" Sayu whined back happily.

L watched the almost comically clean family interaction. It was almost hard to believe what kind of relationship the siblings had behind closed doors and in front of people. Apparently both were brilliant actors (and liars). L grabbed a transceiver.

"Aizawa, are the Kitamuras watching the news right now?" He asked and got an affirmative.

Without even taking his eyes from the screen he called Watari and told him to have all the TV stations run the news special.

Back at the family dinner it was Sayu who called out on the bulletin.

INTERPOL TO SEND TOTAL OF 1,500 DETECTIVES FROM

VARIOUS COUNTRIES TO JAPAN TO HELP SOLVE KIRA CASE

"1500 detectives, wow." Sayu was awestruck, but her brother was anything but.

"Interpol's such an idiot"

"Ha?"

"What's the point if they're going to announce it like this? They should keep quiet about it and let the detectives work in secret. The FBI agents were here incognito, and still three of them died. If Kira actually knew about the 1500, I shudder to think what he would do."

"Ooh. Right. Smart as ever, Light."

"Which is why I bet it isn't even true. This is just a ruse to put pressure on Kira, but it's kinda obvious, though. I think Kira would figure that out too."

L bit his thumb. Light's deduction was just as he expected it to be.

"Your son is very intelligent…" He said so quietly Soichiro almost didn't hear him.

"Y-yes, well…" He mumbled back.

Absolutely nothing noteworthy happened that evening afterwards.


Light woke up the next morning, feeling as well rested as he ever had since he picked up the death note. One thing he definitely missed was a really good night's sleep. The nightmares he's had the first few weeks had loosened up since, but his rest was never as fitful as it used to be.

The day before, aside from letting L (and possibly his father) know that he's gay, nothing had really happened. After eating dinner he did his homework, cleaned up, and went to bed. The small news bulletin stunt no doubt L pulled was a cute. It made him laugh internally.

Hours later he was walking in the street, Ryuk following him by hopping on one foot and twisting his arms around his body.

"Are you certain nobody's following me?" He asked quietly.

"You are definitely not being followed." The Shinigami replied.

"And you aren't just saying that because you want an apple?"

"Hey, I flew above ya a whole bunch of times. I am positive."

"You sure, the news bulletin did say…"

"You know they were just bluffing! You're the one who said that they would've snuck 'em in, not announce it!" The hobbling Shinigami groused.

"Alright, Ryuk. I will buy you an apple." Light said after a pause, just to tease the death god more.

"Yayz!" Said death god cheered like a little five-year-old.

After the apples were bought, Light went into a park and sought out an unpopulated area for privacy. He held out an apple and let the Shinigami gobble it down.

"Man, the way you treat Shinigami. First the camera thing, then 'forget eating apples in the house'. In the end I really am going to write your name in my death note." The monster complained childishly, making Light snigger.

"Another apple!" Ryuk demanded, since he saw Light buying a bunch.

"Nope." The human replied, a sly smirk on his lips.

"Mhuh?"

"I think I want to eat the rest myself."

The look on Ryuk's face was truly priceless.

"W-wait a minute, Light. You're not actually that cruel to eat them in front of me and deprive me of any!" He wailed.

"Wee~ll… maybe I'm not… but maybe I am."

"Li~ght." The Shinigami practically sobbed.

"But I suppose I could give you the entire bag. And then buy you some extra too… But I'm not sure I want to."

"Light, don't be so mean." Ryuk was starting to feel really bullied.

"Have you ever heard of the human saying 'you've got to give to get'?"

Ryuk cocked his head, thinking "Maybe" He replied finally.

"I will give you this bag now, and some more later, if you do me a little favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"I want you to fly into my neighbors' houses, find which ones have news on, find fresh criminals, report them to me, and kill the ones I give the signal to."

Ryuk's swore his jaw could unhinge and fall to the ground right that moment.

"Are you kidding? I told you I'm not Kira's nor L's ally."

"This isn't about being an ally or enemy to anyone. Humans go to work to earn their living. In a similar fashion you earn your apples by doing me this favor."

Ryuk fell silent for a moment and mulled it over.

"One apple for each kill." He said finally, but Light shook his head.

"That way you'll kill too many, even those who would not deserve a death penalty. Two apples each day, regardless whether you kill ten or none."

"Five apples."

"Three."

"Four."

"Three."

"I could just not do it."

"I could just not give you any apples, including this batch."

"Three."

I am so going to write his name in my notebook.


So the deal worked out splendidly. Ryuk watched news, memorized the names and returned to Light, saying their ages and crimes, but never names, since it was forbidden for a Shinigami to tell a human another human's name and time left on this earth. Ryuk would report the criminals' crimes and Light either mover his pen's tip up or down. Up mean spare, down meant kill. Kind of like a gladiator game in ancient Rome.

The deal worked for a week, since that was how long the cameras were in place.

On another note, even as it was definitely L's idea to place cameras he also shared it with the task force. How did Light know? Well his father's behavior the few short times Light saw him. Soichiro's expression was constipated whenever he glanced towards his son, and his posture was really rigid. He also acted really awkwardly whenever he socialized with Light.

Personally Light found this to be beyond all his expectations. He knew his father was a good person but he was rather old fashioned. Homosexuality was something the elder Yagami consciously chose to ignore, that is until he discovered it in his son. Light expected his father to yell at him, not understanding at all. He even expected to be disowned, though that was worse case scenario. The way his father was coping right now there were two options: ignore the ordeal or accept the truth. Either way, both were better than Light expected.


Time seemed to fly by and before Light knew it the college exam day had arrived. He left for it with a leisurely step, Sayu and Sachiko enthusiastically cheering at him from the front door. He arrived ten minutes before the exams started.

"I really hate waiting inside, so I was planning to arrive three minutes before it began. I'm here a bit early." Light said easily with a nonchalant shrug.

Talk about confident… Ryuk thought. This human truly was one of a kind.

Light went inside the exam room and took his seat, waiting for the examiner to give permission to begin.

"You may begin."

Light began to lazily fill out the exam papers. He paid no mind to the examiner as he walked briskly by him. Probably already caught some poor idiot attempting to cheat.

"You there, nr 162. Sit properly!" He commanded.

Okay, Light wasn't expecting that one. Feeling a little curious he peered over his shoulder towards the scoldee. Well, he was sitting peculiarly alright, but with the way he looked it seemed almost natural. The guy wore baggy jeans and a very loose long sleeved shirt; his hair looked like it hadn't met a comb in years and the dark circles under his eyes indicated to chronic insomnia. Aside the unkempt look, he was holding his pencil lip wristed from it tail and he leaned his bare toes against the table. No wonder the examiner barked at him to sit properly.

Is it just me, or is that guy actually staring at me Light though, as it seemed to him the extremely dark eyes of the panda guy glared holes into him. Shaking his head Light decided he had other matters to attend to and returned to his exam.

The funny thing is, every exam he took, the panda guy was always sitting behind him, sticking out like a sore thumb.


Word count: 5093