Hermione frowned slightly and sighed, rubbing her temples in frustration as she glared down at the book in front of her. For the first time since the year had started, she felt herself begin to feel truly weary and disappointed in her choice.
She was reading over a book she had already read for the umpteenth time, trying to find one obscure fact she was positive she already knew but could not remember nor find for the life of her. She sighed and ruffled her hair tiredly, glancing to her left where a letter sat unanswered, waiting to be read and replied to.
She shook her head forcefully, turning her concentration to the page once more and sighing, trying desperately to ignore the feeling in her head that kept telling her she had been wrong to return to Hogwarts.
She glared at the words as they began to blur together and grow fuzzy, swimming before her eyes as they welled up with tears she refused to shed as she leaned back and looked up at the ceiling in frustration.
Hermione closed her eyes tiredly, remembering the letter from this morning, the one she had opened thinking it had been from Ab. Instead, she had found a letter from Ron telling her that he and Lavender were planning on tying the knot whether she was there for the wedding or not. So, being the dutiful friend she had always been, she told him good luck and best wishes.
She hadn't been able to concentrate all day since and hadn't been able to find it in her to respond to Ab's letter despite how happy she'd usually be that he had written first that morning.
She opened her eyes in surprise as a voice cleared from behind her and she saw Draco standing awkwardly beside her, watching her carefully. Blushing, Hermione sat up straight and wiped at her eyes, drying the unshed tears before they could fall and clearing her throat, "Sorry, let my eyes dry out is all…"
Draco quirked an eyebrow in obvious disbelief but said nothing, only moved to sit in his usual spot not far from her where he sat in silence for a while before finally sighing, "So are you going to say what's been bothering you or are you going to make me ask?"
She blinked in surprise and blushed again shaking her head, "It's nothing honestly. Just…. Merlin, sometimes I wish things could be different…"
He frowned, "Why? What's the point in changing anything, I thought you had it all."
She scoffed slightly, "Right. I mean, of course I'm going to school with the only two people who ever treated me as a human, of course I fell in a mutual love with one of them, of course he proposed and of course I said yes and of bloody course we're getting married next week! I mean, it all makes sense right? Im part of the golden trio and the only one to come back to this old place where everyone avoids me or acts like I don't exist just because I used to be closer to the other two.
Of course everything is perfect. My mum doesn't know me, my father does but hates me, my best friend fell for a girl whose prettier than I am and the other one is still waiting for me to decide that coming back here was the worst decision I could have made and I'm starting to think he was right!"
Draco blinked, surprised, "I thought you said it was nothing."
Hermione glared at him and he smirked slightly, holding up his hands in surrender, "I don't know what to tell you to make any of it better Granger, and I don't even know if you'll listen but just… Potty and Weasel? They don't know what they're missing and as for the rest of them here well, I'm here. I know it's not much but…"
He stood and offered a slight smile, "Tell Weasely that I said he's a prat for leaving you in the background, yeah Granger?"
Hermione blinked after him as he walked up the steps to his dorm and then dazedly turned back to her work, her gaze falling once more to the letter which she finally opened,
Dear Ny,
Had a bad feeling something bad would happen today, call it a bad dream but it had something to do with being unhappy. I just wanted to write to you to let you know that if ever, and I mean if ever, you need my help, I can always send someone to take care of you (It sounds strange, I know but I have to send others to maintain my identity.) Anyways, I thought I'd send you today's list and give you an opportunity to spark today's topic of conversation.
Dogs
Perfect hair
Good dreams
Honesty
Surprises
I know it's not much but, staying true to your form, I put the first things that came to mind.
Hoping all is well, Ab
Hermione smiled slightly at the letter, feeling her heart clench slightly at the words as she reached for her quill to respond,
Dear Ab,
I don't think I've ever had anyone offer to send help to me instead of offering it themselves. I'll be honest with you; I was feeling a little down today. I just got news this morning that one of those "Best friends" I had told you about, the ones who don't believe I should have come back, is planning on getting married, rather I'm there to see it or not. Now, mind you, it's a bit of a sore subject for me since I used to fancy myself in love with him but now…Now I'm just tired. Even now, when I'm quite sure I'm not in love with him at all anymore, it still hurts to know that he found someone and I can barely even get anyone to look at me. But still…. I didn't make a list this morning so I'm making one right now, for the first time today alright?
Letters
Blond hair
Kind words
Surprises
My decision to continue Hogwarts, without it I never would have met my (two?) new friend(s?).
Thank you, Ny
Hermione sent the letter, watching it fly away with the bird with a small smile, happy now that she had finally faced the day.
She smiled again, this time a bit hesitant as she thought back to Draco and how kind he had been to not only offer a compliment but also that he had simply sat and listened, forcing her to get the weight off her chest.
She stood, gathering her things and brought them all up to her dorm where she dumped them all onto her bed and made her way to the window there to wait for the owl to return. When the bird finally flew over, she threw open the window and smiled, ruffling its feathers lovingly.
"Good bird, so pretty did you know? Thank you for carrying our letters every night…"
The owl hooted quietly and pressed against her hand, pressing in for more petting and offered its leg where the letter was attached.
Dear Ny,
Ive told you your friends are wankers haven't I? If I haven't, allow me to say again, they aren't worth it anymore Ny. You're clever and bright and so much more and anyone who can't see that is a fool. I mean honestly, I can't even comprehend how idiotic they would even have to be to even consider being as crass as you say they've been. But, seeing what I have of Gryffindor's finest, I can understand. I… I hate to say this but I think I know who you are. And so- as a way to desperately convince you to not hate me for knowing, I say again, if ever you need someone, tell me and I'll send someone to help. I say someone because frankly I don't trust you to not begging to hate me when you see the real me. Im sorry. I may be wrong in my guess but I think that I am not.
Sorry, Ab
Hermione gaped at the letter, hardly believing her eyes; he knew who she was…
