I had been trying to avoid Riverwood ever since its incident, and returning, with Aela of all people, would've been awkward enough in any circumstance. However, this time the danger of the rendezvous erased everything else. Someone had stolen the horn I had to take to the Greybeards, promised to meet us and return it at the Sleeping Giant Inn – and possibly meant to kill us.
"Good evening, ma'am. We'd like the attic room, please."
The Breton's eyes widened when she saw me. She'd never been particularly nice to anyone, and she had been especially nasty to me the first time I came here, back when I was enjoying Hadvar's attentions. I mean, hospitality. I mean, it was a long time ago.
"The attic room? You or her?"
"How about both, and we save ourselves the prying questions?"
"There is no attic room. You can have this one, on the left. This way, ladies." Aela and I exchanged significant looks. Delphine was known to be the most insolent innkeeper in the hold, but the smell of paranoia was unsettling.
As soon as we were inside, Delphine shut the door behind us. Aela's hand reached instinctively for her dagger, but stopped herself before taking it out.
"Companions, first of all, my condolences. Your Harbinger was a great warrior, and I'm sure he is feasting on Sovngarde. Now, Dragonborn?"
"Yes?" I replied. She clearly didn't know which one to address.
"I think you're looking for this. Please follow me." She handed the horn, knocked on the dresser and opened a secret cellar.
Time to put my own hand on my sword hilt. I should've kept my armour on – I wanted to avoid attracting attention. If I get out of this one, I'll have learned something.
"The Greybeards seem to think you're the Dragonborn. I hope they're right."
"I'm afraid they are." Aela snorted, as she always does whenever I bring out my Imperial politeness. Delphine chose to ignore her.
"Well, I'm afraid I can't just take their word for it. I just handed you the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller. Does that make me Dragonborn, too?"
"I wouldn't mind if you were just to take the title. So what's with all the cloak-and-dagger? Why bother with the horn, bringing me here?"
"I'm not your enemy. I already gave you the horn. I just had to make sure you were not a Thalmor plant. I'm actually trying to help you. I just need you to hear me out."
"I'm listening."
She turned over and glanced at Aela.
"My Shield-Sister is listening too." I said.
"Right. Shield-sister. So long as she's not some hireling from the Bannered Mare, I suppose… I'm part of a group that's been looking for you... well, someone like you, for a very long time. If you really are Dragonborn, that is. Before I tell you any more, I need to make sure I can trust you."
"We're the ones risking our lives coming here, and yet here we are. I have no love for the Thalmor either, but I'm not here to discuss personal grievances. What do you want me to do? Shout?"
"I want to make sure you're the Dragonborn. You'll see, we remember what most don't - that the Dragonborn is the ultimate dragonslayer. You're the only one that can kill a dragon permanently by devouring its soul. So I'll see you eat a dragon's soul."
She explained about dragons coming back to life, the empty burial grounds, the map of burial sites I had taken out of Bleak Falls Barrow. My head started to hurt. It would rain soon.
"12 days from now, the 27th of Sun's Dawn. The burial mound is just past Kynesgrove. Be there."
"We'll see you for the hunt, then." Aela said, as goodbye. Unable to speak or think, I curtseyed.
At least, Delphine's calculations left us with some days to adjust to my new life and title. As soon as we reached Whiterun, it became clear the news of what had happened up North had arrived before us – or at least, the censored version had. Amren, as delicious-looking as ever, greeted me with "Divines smile upon you, Harbinger", and the guards' murmurs followed us across the market stalls.
I breathed deeply before opening the main door of Jorrvaskr. I wasn't ready, but I never would be. Hopefully I could just go hide in bed until it was time to go hunting. Except, no: as soon as stepped in, I found everyone sitting around the central table. They stood up as soon as they noticed us, to make it worse.
"Kodlak made a good choice, but I always thought the new Harbinger would be taller, myself." Athis said, with his typical dry humor.
"So did I."
"I'd refrain from mentioning it." He added, before embracing me.
Ria seemed genuinely happy and kissed both my cheeks. Torvar wanted to know if he could get free counsel with his drinks, and appeared happy. Njada offered her congratulations as well – although she was never as good a liar as Torvar. The twins, who had arrived two days before us with the news, were there as well too shake my arm. Vilkas wasn't smiling, which was unsurprising of itself, but he no longer wore his black bracers. Bad sign.
Farkas called for a toast, and we all took a sharp gulp for new beginnings.
"I'm so glad to see you all. It's been a rough few days, and my silver tongue seems to have taken a vacation." Some chuckled. "Cheers."
I headed downstairs, to the living quarters. The door closed behind me just in time to hear Torvar's "Well, that was quick. From whelp to Harbinger in six months, wonder what's her trick?"
"Aye, what guidance could she possibly offer me?"
Downstairs, Tilma waited for me, just at the entrance of the Circle's living quarters.
"Ah, my child! My Harbinger! You are home! I am still expecting instructions about your new quarters."
Oh, shit. Not that. Just when my room had stopped being Skjor's old room.
"You mean Kodlak's?"
"Right. They're yours now. I have not been inside since… well, there's his personal belongings, some of which you won't want to keep, I assume, and his books, his clothes. Just tell me which ones, I'll dispose of them for you."
I cannot fucking do this.
"I… will tell you, soon. I'll just keep using my old room in the meantime, it's no bother. I think this task should fall to Vilkas and Farkas?"
"Excellent judgement. Shall I fetch them for you?" Was our housekeeper judging me on my first administrative decision?
"If you'd be so kind."
They both arrived less than two minutes afterwards. There was little to explain, Kodlak's personal items were theirs to keep or clear, nobody would argue with that. Farkas still seemed touched by the fact that I'd called them, and immediately began gathering, sniffing, and playing with quills and other random clutter, as if trying to find traces of their gone owner. Vilkas immediately headed to the bookshelves, counting, perusing. I was intruding.
"Sira, don't go yet, please." Vilkas said, just as I was about to make myself scarce. "I can compile a list of books for you, so you can decide which ones you'll want to keep for your personal library. If you have any questions about their topics, which authors are more reliable…"
His voice was eerily impersonal, as if trying too hard to pretend this was just another task to be dealt with. I guiltily though of the piles of books I kept in my room, which I hoarded compulsively for no real purpose – I had little interest in reading most of them, but they were free loot I could never throw away.
"No, don't worry about that. You take whatever you want, really."
"Are you sure? There are many essential books in here, including the third tome of the Biography of Barenziah – I noticed you only own the first two." I have not read either, but oh well. "Ah, here's a second copy of it…" He stopped abruptly, and the scent of fresh pain invaded the room.
"Vil, what's wrong?" Farkas asked, quickly approaching to help.
"I'm sorry, it's just… it's his journal. And it's full of his handwriting, and his thoughts, and… It's like he's here still."
Why am I still standing here?
"Take your time. I'll be in my old room. It'll be fine." I mumbled awkwardly, before tiptoeing out of the room.
I had barely had time to drop the herbs I'd collected on my chest and rest my feet, when I heard knocking on my door.
"Come in" I said, without turning.
"I've been an obstinate arse and a brute all this time." It was Vilkas. I had to bite my tongue to avoid agreement.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
"I wanted to apologise. For everything. For sneering at you when you first walked in, for trying to kill you during your trial, and taunting you, and..."
"A full recount will do us little good." I replied, perhaps a bit too harshly.
"Of course. Either way, I'm truly sorry."
"Why? If I'm allowed to ask, I mean." Did he contract ash woe blight from those dusty books?
"You deserve to know, I guess. I… read Kodlak's journal." He blushed slightly, as if he were confessing a misdeed. If only I had such scruples. "The old man trusted you. He knew you'd be the one to free his soul, before you even came here. Sounds strange, I know, and I'm glad he never told me, because I would've thought it was ridiculous. I never believed in foresight or dreams. But then you did release his soul, meaning his dreams were right, and he was right to trust you and seek you out. I thought you were trying to squeeze your way into his trusted circle, on purpose, trying to replace me, so..."
I squinted at his ramblings "Of course. Young woman out of nowhere, old unmarried man, is that what you're saying?"
"Absolutely not! No, I would never accuse you of stepping so low! Just that he was kind of my father, not yours..."
Oddly enough, I had never thought of stepping so low with Kodlak, but Oblivion be damned if I wouldn't have tried a similar scheme just a year ago. Best if he thinks you're offended, Sira., I remember thinking clearly.
"I understand you're grieving, but I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't. This can only sound like crazy ramblings to you... in fact, he didn't tell anyone because he thought it would sound like ramblings to anyone else. He knew you'd be the one to break our curse, and he may have known you were the Dragonborn, too, before anyone else did. If anyone had told me, six months ago, that a newcomer with the power of Thu'um would show up and become our new Harbinger, I'd have sent for a healer. And yet, here we are, because I'm a paranoid, jealous arse who thinks his farts don't reek, that's all."
"Right, I can live with that. It's fine. It's a new beginning for all of us, each in our own way."
"Exactly. So can we start over?"
Isn't that the whole point of everything? This ought to be a trick question.
"No."
"No?" He looked taken aback. I gave a long sigh. Did I just ruin it?
"Starting over would imply forgetting everything I've learned of you, and I'd rather not. You are an arse whose farts definitely smell, but you're also the most informed arse I have around. I need your help, if I'm to do this… The dragon situation won't fix itself. You saw the burning village. I don't want to start over and have you forget you saw it. I need your help to end it."
"You have my help, for anything you want. The… transition will be hard, but I worked very closely with Kodlak, and I'll be here to help. We all are, you know. Ysgramor didn't lead his 500 for them to live in a devastated wasteland."
"Friends, then? Shield-siblings?"
"Partners." He extended his arm, and for the first time, he shook mine as an equal.
