They fell quickly into a routine: arrive, give their wands to Slughorn, make out for most of the hour they were usually allotted to clean the classroom, spend an especially industrious fifteen minutes cleaning. Some days it irked Draco that their relationship was mostly physical, but to Harry's credit, he made an effort to talk afterwards if it seemed appropriate.
The other thing that worried Draco was that he could tell that Harry wasn't totally comfortable with this. Of course, it almost always just took one come-hither look from Draco to get his mind off of his morals, but that uncertainty in Harry's gaze every time they greeted each other for detention hurt him a little. He knew it didn't really have anything to do with him—it was just that Harry felt bad lying to his friends and girlfriend. A part of Draco always said, "So why doesn't he just break it off with the Weaselette?" but he always countered with, "But what if—knock on wood—it doesn't work out? He has nothing to fall back on if he breaks it off with her, and the Weasel would probably kill him."
But still, Draco was afraid that he was going to lose Harry because of the other's scruples. And the thing was that if he thought about it, Draco didn't really buy some of the things Harry had passed off as reasons why they couldn't be together. Sure, there'd be a furor over the fact that Harry was gay if he came out, but everyone would get over it. And as to the Weaselette—it couldn't be lost on her that he and Harry couldn't take their eyes off each other whenever they were in the same vicinity. Besides, if Harry wanted to avoid hurting her, breaking up with her now (for the perfectly plausible reason that he spent a good forty-five minutes each day recently making out with Draco Malfoy) was going to cause her less pain than dropping the bomb when they were married (god forbid) and had their two-point-five kids. And the Weasel would get over it too. After all, if Harry was gay, how could the Weasel expect him to stay in a relationship with a girl? And if for some reason the Weasel was too dense to accept that, then Draco considered it no great loss, although Harry obviously felt differently.
The only good reason, really, to keep the relationship private and in a kind of transient state was the fact that his father might just stop messing about already and kill him. After the mistakes of the war, Lucius Malfoy was none too happy with his only son and heir. To find out that Draco was gay and currently fully engaged in a clandestine affair with Harry Potter—well, that would probably push him over the edge. But it wasn't as though Draco couldn't find a way around tha—fuck. Well, he could put some time into it—
"Draco! Are you awake?"
Draco had his wand in his hand and half a curse out of his mouth by the time he realized it was Pansy Parkinson rousing him from his thoughts. He relaxed with a sigh. "Yes, unfortunately," he answered, pocketing his wand.
"What are you thinking about?" She had that look in her eyes, and Draco had to keep from rolling his. It was what he called a Girl Question, the ones no straight male could answer properly and had some convoluted psychology behind them meant to either incriminate or deify the object of their affections. He was aware that this was slightly unfair—it was a valid question, if one with a very difficult answer—but he classed it firmly in the Girl Question category because of the look on her face which was clearly meant to induce him to answer, "You."
"I've a Potions essay I'd forgotten about," Draco said in his most blasé and uninterested tones. He glanced about the library, trying to find anyone but Pansy to look at or talk to—there. He smiled slightly as he met a pair of expressive verdant eyes so cruelly hidden behind those thick glass panes. The eyes sparked and then, strangely, pain flashed through them, and they looked away. Draco frowned. What's wrong? He was itching to go over and interrogate Harry, but he was with Granger and the Weasel, and besides there were several other students in the library as well. He'd have to wait until detention.
Pansy was saying something else. "—and you never forget Potions homework, you love Potions—"
"Pansy?"
"Yes?"
"Please shut up. Accidents happen, all right?"
"Okay."
As usual, they waited until Slughorn's footsteps had faded, and Draco moved towards Harry, lust in his eyes.
"Wait, Draco. I want to talk to you."
Draco licked his lips. "Fine, but make it fast. I want you, Harry."
Harry shivered. Draco liked when Harry shivered, but then he shifted a bit uncomfortably and said, "I—Draco, I don't feel right doing this. I mean, I feel right with you, but I—I need to think about what we've been doing and my future and… Basically, I need a bit of space. I think I need to stop this for now."
Draco's gut was somewhere below the dungeons. He couldn't speak. Of course, Harry had said that he "felt right" with Draco, which was a good thing, but what if he decided that ultimately it was his duty or some Gryffindor shit to be with Ginny Weasley? Or what if he ended the relationship to "protect" Draco? He well knew that letting Harry go now might mean losing him forever. But then, what if Harry thought about it and left Ginny, damning the consequences? What if he finally decided to do something for himself?
There were so many ways for this to play out. Draco didn't like that. A fifty percent chance of getting Harry back, he could take, but this—
And what choice do you have, Draco? Are you going to refuse him?
"Please say something, Draco. Please." Harry's voice was raw, his face pained.
"I…" don't want you to leave, please, just break it off with the Weaselette, it's that simple—"I respect your decision. I just—I hope you know I—" Draco bit his tongue.
"You what?"
Harry's face was so sweet, such caring in his eyes. Draco flushed slightly and said, "I love you. No—no matter what happens."
Harry looked at him like there was no one else in the world but the two of them, no one else in existence. It made Draco's heart hurt. "Draco, I—"
"Don't say it unless you're sure you mean it, Harry." He said it carefully, keeping the bitterness and sadness out of his tone. How can he break up with me, albeit possibly temporarily, and still look at me that way?
They finished cleaning the room in silence and much quicker than usual. Draco spent most of the time thinking. The seed of an idea had been planted in his head, and he left for the dungeons feeling strangely hopeful.
If Harry couldn't see right away that he and the Weaselette were never meant to be and that he and Draco were soulmates, Draco was just going to have to help him out a bit.
