I entered the infirmary to start my shift. Jenny gave me a tired smile as she walked towards me.
"He's a little shaky at the moment," Jenny whispered to me. I looked at Munkustrap who was curled up on the mattress, his dull hazel eyes staring at me. Jenny left the den and went back home to Skimble, Tumblebrutus and Pouncival. I looked at Munkustrap, who stared at me for a moment longer, his eyes cautious. The way he was looking at me…it was like he didn't know, that he didn't recognize me. I watched as his eyes fluttered shut from exhaustion and I sighed. Jenny was so worried about him, everyone was. Jenny tried to block the amount of Jellicles trying to come and see him because she knew he couldn't handle it…he could barely handle just one of us in the room. I saw how heart-broken Jenny was every time she was with Munkustrap. He was so hurt…so broken mentally. I looked as Munkustrap gave a small whimper in his sleep and he curled up tighter into a ball. I noticed that he's stomach was hidden from view, meaning he was uncomfortable and scared. When a cat is comfortable in the situation he or she is in, then they keep their stomach open to view…but if they're scared, they hide it. The stomach is the most vulnerable part of a cat. Listen to me, drabbling on. But I guess it means something. Munkustrap would always stand with his arms stretched out to the sides, his stomach open to view, showing that he was strong and unafraid of his enemies. But since he was taken by Macavity, he's taken to curling up and hiding his stomach, showing that he is vulnerable and scared. Our great, beautiful and kind Protector is scared and vulnerable…and it makes my heart ache.
He was such a beautiful kitten as well, you used to look at him and you would just know he would turn out to be someone brilliant, someone special. There was just something about him, something about that light in his gorgeous hazel eyes. He had this protectiveness of the others, especially of Tugger, his baby brother. Munkustrap and Tugger had always been close, especially after Persephone had died. Now, I look at Munkustrap, who is fidgeting in his sleep, and I see all that closeness and love he once had for everyone had just…disappeared. Even his relationship with Tugger has just…shattered into a million pieces. Munkustrap can't even look at his brother, he can't speak to him. He doesn't speak to anyone, he does say a few words here and there, yes, I'll admit that, but he doesn't talk like he used to. His voice now is soft, barely audible when he does choose to say something but that is extremely rare. Munkustrap's eyes roved under his closed eye-lids, telling me he was having a very vivid dream…a very vivid nightmare. I winced as I heard Munkustrap gave a loud whimper, he was so scared and none of us could help him.
I had been listening to Skimble and Jenny talk about Munkustrap and Skimble did give a pretty good insight to Munkustrap's broken soul. Munkustrap's soul was like a mirror, it could be broken if you decide to break it. It can be shattered into millions of pieces, which Munkustrap's soul had been. If you try to repair that mirror, you may be able to, but you'll always be missing those few pieces…maybe they're important, maybe they're the largest pieces or the smallest pieces, but they'll be missing and you will probably never recover them. That probably most accurately describes Munkustrap's shattered self. We don't know how Munkustrap will recover…if he recovers, but there will always be something that isn't the same, there will always be something haunting him…something that makes him withdraw from the others. I look again at Munkustrap as he tosses slightly in his exhaustion-induced sleep. Our Munkustrap is broken and it makes my heart ache.
Everyone here has been affected by Munkustrap's state. We all know what torment he has been forced to endure, what torture has been inflicted upon his usually timid, gentle self all in the name of Macavity's selfishness. I sat beside Munkustrap, trying to push back the tears that threaten to spill as I think of losing our beloved Tom forever…losing him to his broken self. I know everyone here wonders if he'll ever be the same or if he'll be broken forever. But as I rub Munkustrap's head and take his paw in my own, I look at him, at his deeply bruised face.
Our Munkustrap is broken and it makes my heart ache.
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Yeah, I wrote this one after I put Alonzo's chapter up…I'm planning to do all the kittens opinions together but I might make Jemima a separate one…Um…maybe Deuteronomy next? I have ideas for him…the others will come when I finally allow Munkustrap to leave the infirmary :D And in case there's confusion, this takes place in between the time Munkustrap was rescued and the time he and Cori went to Munkustrap's humans.
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