I'm really sorry I haven't updated in so long. I really have no idea why I didn't. I had this chapter written for a while but I was never totally content with it. Either way here you go. I hope you like it :)
Chapter 4
"High Hopes"
Jane's saturday started really good. She didn't have to go to work, which was a relief since the last case she worked on was pretty hard and she still hasn't fully recovered from it. Also she hasn't had a weekend with her daughter in a month and she was really craving to spend some time with Kayla. Even though she knew that Kayla would want to spend every minute until the recital with dancing, especially now that she knew that Maura was coming to watch her. Maura was another reason for Jane's good mood. She was still on a high from the conversation she had with her the night before. Even though she was up very late she woke up at her usual time, which annoyed her a lot since she had a pretty pleasurable dream she wished she could've continued. About Maura of course. Jane spent most of the night replaying the conversation in her head. There was no awkwardness about it at all, as she expected there to be. They talked like nothing ever happened, which gave Jane hope that their love wasn't doomed after all. Maura really sounded a lot more like "her" Maura again and Maura agreeing to go to Kayla's recital showed Jane that Maura really was a lot better than she was 3 months ago. This really made feel Jane better, too. She has felt really miserable since they had their fight. And she regretted the decision she made to just leave Maura like that but she had to get Kayla out of this. And even though Kayla missed Maura like crazy, Jane could see that Kayla was doing a lot better also. The little girl enjoyed her daily phone calls with Maura and Jane was under the impression that her daughter was finally starting to see their flat as home.
"Good morning, Ma!" Kayla snapped Jane out of her thoughts. Jane couldn't help but smile when she saw her little girl. Kayla was beaming, Jane hasn't seen her this happy in a long time.
"Are you excited that Mommy said yes?" Jane asked although she already knew the answer.
The little girl nodded and smiled. "Aren't you, Ma?"
"Of course I am, baby girl"
The whole morning Kayla talked, as anticipated by Jane, about nothing but dance and how she had to practice. It took a great deal of talking and bribery to convince her daughter she had to wait until the afternoon to do so since they were supposed to go to Frankie's son Blake's baseball game. Jane was really proud of her little nephew because he was such an amazing baseball player, probably even better than Frankie was before his injury. She has never missed one of his games. Eventually Kayla finally gave in and realized that this game was just as much of a big deal as her recital.
Good an hour after their discussion Jane and Kayla arrived at the baseball court. Kayla wasn't necessarily thrilled to watch baseball but she enjoyed spending time with her grandmother, her uncles and her cousins.
"Hey grandma" Kayla exclaimed as she saw Angela "guess what, guess what. Mommy is coming to my recital. She said yes. She said yes." the little girl continued excitedly.
Angela knew how much Kayla wanted for Maura to come. "That's great, sweetheart" Angela replied, her face was definitely not as excited as her voice suggested. She looked at Jane, but to her surprise her daughter looked also pretty happy, at least a lot happier than she has in a long time. As Kayla proceeded to tell Frankie and Riley her good news Angela went over to Jane.
"Are you okay with seeing Maura on Friday?" Angela asked scared that this rekindling was a little too fast.
"Yes, it means so much to Kayla"
"I asked if it's okay for you, Janie."
Jane sighed. She had to admit that she was really nervous, nervous on how she will react, on how hard it will be for her and her daughter to see Maura. Even though their conversation the previous night wasn't awkward at all, a conversation face to face could be. And she was also scared that Maura would change her mind and not show up. But also, even though she was scared she knew that if she wanted to fix their relationship she had to start somewhere.
"Yeah it's gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine. Plus I can't take that away from Kayla now, can I?"
"No, she seems really excited."
"Very. But do you think it will be okay? I mean you have been at Maura's a lot lately."
"She's a lot better. She really is. I don't know how she will be with Kayla but she talks a lot about her and don't worry Jane, she is not going to cancel."
"How did you know I was worrying about that?"
"I'm your mother"
Jane shook her head and followed her daughter to say hello to her brother and sister-in-law.
"Where's Tommy?" Jane asked as she couldn't see her little brother anywhere.
"At Maura's probably" Frankie answered. Jane shot him a look because of the annoyed tone in his voice. Frankie has made it more than clear that he didn't really appreciate Tommy's choice to become Maura's best friend over the last 3 months. To Frankie Maura was the bad guy although both Riley and Jane tried to explain to him that that was not the case. But Frankie was having none of this and he was mad at Tommy for, what seemed to him, taking Maura's side.
Jane, though, was very happy and thankful that Tommy overtook this role that she wasn't able to fulfill.
"And I heard that Maura's coming to Kayla's recital. Do you really think that's a good idea? You know how she messed her up." Frankie asked. Jane couldn't believe it.
"I'm pretty sure it is a good idea. Tell me you haven't seen how excited Kayla was. I haven't seen her like this in so long. And Frankie if you are going to say one uncalled for thing to Maura, you're dead." Jane responded and went to find a seat. She sat down next to Riley.
"Your husband is unbelievable." Jane said to Riley.
"Did he say something about Maura?"
"Not directly. He just asked if it's a good idea for her to come, because of how much she messed up Kayla. I swear if he's gonna say one word to her that makes her feel bad I…."
"Don't worry. I'll talk to him." Riley responded.
"Thanks."
The game started and all the Rizzolis were cheering for Blake. And of course Blake's tam won and after the game the family went for ice cream. Soon Kayla started to be annoyed and just wanted to go home and practice her dancing. Jane could convince Kayla to stay for another half hour but then they were on their way home.
"Point your feet, honey" Jane said as she watched her daughter dance. She had learned a lot about what to correct and what to look for while watching Kayla practice over the last nine months. Something that she never thought would happen. She never really cared all that much about how correctly Kayla danced, nor had she any idea what was correct, she always just enjoyed her daughter dance and she enjoyed that Kayla had so much fun doing it. But since Maura didn't take Kayla to her dance classes anymore Jane forced herself to be more involved in her daughters past time activity. Jane wasn't really fond of the other dance moms in the studio but she didn't have to interact with them all that much since mostly Angela was at the studio with Kayla. If Jane did spend time there, she avoided every confrontation possible. She had no idea how Maura was able to put up with that.
"But Ma, I did" Kayla protested. The little girl still didn't quite trust Jane's corrections.
"I may not be Gianna, and thank god I'm no, but I saw that your feet were all sloppy. So once again. And watch your feet." Jane said and put the song on once again.
Kayla went through the dance three more time with little to no mistakes.
"You are great, baby girl" Jane said.
"You always say that I'm great, Ma. Do you think Mommy will think so too?" Kayla asked.
"I'm sure she will"
Kayla crawled up in Jane's lap. "Ma, when can we go home live with Mommy again?" Kayla asked playing with a strand of Jane's hair.
Jane was surprised at the question. For a month after they moved out Kayla would ask this question every day but after that she stopped asking it since Jane always gave her the same unsatisfying answer. And this time she didn't have a better one either.
"I don't know" Jane replied and wiped a single tear away from her daughter's cheek. "I'm sorry."
"I miss Mommy" Kayla said.
"I know, baby, I know. I miss her, too" Jane said and kissed Kayla at the top of her head. Situations like this were where Jane regretted her decision terribly.
"But you know why we had to go away, right?" Jane asked.
"Because you and Mommy need some time to think about some stuff I don't understand?"
"Yes" Jane couldn't help but chuckle at her daughter's response.
"And you know that I love you more than anything in my life, right?"
Kayla nodded "I love you too, Ma" Kayla said and hugged Jane.
Kayla and Jane spent the evening with watching a movie and just spending time together. Which wasn't normality for them and so both of them really enjoyed it.
After Kayla went to bed Jane sat down in front of the TV again and zapped through the channels. She stopped at a documentary about Ancient Greek, she recognized from watching it once with Maura. She remembered how Maura would point out every single thing that was wrong about the facts and how she then proceeded to tell Jane the right fact. Even though it would drive Jane insane back then she now missed it. The documentary didn't hold Jane's attention for very long and so she just went to sleep, which again was hard to find because her mind wouldn't shut up.
The next day was another day off for Jane. She couldn't really enjoy it the way she wanted though. Kayla barely finished her breakfast before she went into dance mode again. So Jane spent almost half of the day watching Kayla dance until she could finally convince her daughter that she had enough and that she was already really good and that there's still several days left to practice.
In the afternoon Tommy came by. Which wasn't unusual but normally he said that he was coming beforehand.
"Hey T." Jane greeted her little brother.
"Hey Janie" Tommy said and hugged his sister.
"What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to check in. See how you're doing after, you know, 'the first talk"
Jane loved the relationship she now had with Tommy. Over the last 2 years Tommy really matured and there no sign of the screw up he used to be anymore.
"Uncle Tommy, Uncle Tommy, Uncle Tommy" Kayla exclaimed while running towards him.
"Hey, baby girl. You seem awfully chipper. What are you so excited about?" Tommy asked.
"Mommy is coming to my recital!" Kayla responded.
"Oh is she? That's great, baby" Tommy asked as if he had no idea. The little nodded eagerly with the biggest smile on her face.
"Uncle Tommy, can I show you my dance?" Kayla asked.
"Sure, sweetheart, but I first have to talk to your mom."
"Okay. I'm gonna wait in my room and rehearse until then"
"Yeah, do that." Tommy said and ruffled through his nieces hair.
"She sure is excited isn't she?" Tommy said after he was sure that Kayla couldn't hear him anymore.
"She is. And she's driving me insane with her dancing all the time. But she wants to be perfect… for Maura."
"So how are you doing? Didn't get an answer? Are you ready to see Maura?"
Jane didn't answer immediately. She fidgeted and eventually responded "I'm a little nervous. After talking to her the other day I realized how much I really miss her." She cleared her throat and swallowed some tears. She wasn't gonna cry in front of her baby brother. They both sat in silence for a while.
"Do you think there's hope for Maura and me? Do you think she can forgive me for leaving her? Taking Kayla away from her?" Jane asked after a while.
"Of course there is hope, Janie. You love her, don't you? And she loves you, too. Nothing has changed about that. You two just need to work some things out. Maura knows why you decided to move out. Even if you don't feel like it you really made the right decision. For you, for Kayla and even for Maura. Especially for Maura, I think." Tommy answered and pulled his sister into a hug.
"Of course I love her. I really used to think I made the right decision but lately I wish I would've stayed. For Kayla, you know. She is fine most of the time but sometimes she's just so sad and wants nothing but go back home and see Maura. I feel like I failed her."
"Janie, you didn't. You know it probably would only have gotten worse if you had stayed"
"Yeah, I guess. What if Maura and I can't work it out Kayla would hate me."
"You know she wouldn't. And stop with the what ifs"
"You start to sound like Maura." Jane laughed. "Tommy, thank you for being there for Maura."
"You're welcome."
"Uncle Tommy, do you have time now?" Kayla said coming into the living room as if she has been standing in front of the door for a while.
"Yes"
"Then come." Kayla said went in the direction of her room. Tommy and Jane followed her.
"No, not you, Ma. Just Uncle Tommy." Kayla said
."Okay, just Uncle Tommy" Jane said a little surprised but went back in the living room.
"Why didn't you want Ma to come, sweetie?" Tommy asked after the little girl closed the door. Kayla didn't answer immediately. She sat down on her bed and indicated for Tommy to do the same. After Tommy sat down next to her, she crawled in his lap.
"What is it, baby girl?" Tommy asked.
"Do you think Mommy is really coming on Friday?"
"Oh, honey I'm sure she will. And, don't tell her I told you, she is very excited for it. She's really excited to see you."
"Is she going to bring the baby?"
"I don't think she will. Do you wanna see your sister?"
"Yeah. But I asked for Ma. I think Ma wants to see her."
"What makes you think that?"
"She always gets really sad when I ask her about the baby. Like she misses her."
"I'm sure she does. Just like you miss Mommy and Mommy misses you. Do you want to see a picture of Suzana?
Kayla nodded.
Tommy took out his wallet and searched for the little of Suzana he kept in it.
"She looks like Mommy" Kayla said as she saw the picture.
"She does"
"Can I keep the picture, Uncle Tommy?"
"Sure you can, baby girl. So wanna show me your dance now?"
Kayla took the picture, placed it on her nightstand and showed Tommy one of her dances.
When she was finished she asked "Did you like it?"
"I love it, sweetie. And Mommy will love it, too." he responded already guessing Kayla's next question.
"Can I tell you another little secret, baby girl?"
Kayla nodded and smiled.
"I think everything will be okay soon." Tommy said and kissed his niece on her forehead.
