Hello, everyone, and welcome to Chapter 4! First of all...
REVIEW ANSWERING TIME!
ziyan2121: Why, thank you very much!
adngo714: We'll be getting into that in this chapter, but I'm not gonna spoil anything!
Dragon Man 180: The Fourth Wall breaking was supposed to be a bit of comedy in a serious plot. If you haven't noticed by now (and you should've), I am an author who likes to write crack fics that have PLOT. I can't ALWAYS be serious when I type! It's just not in my nature! Well, that, and I have ADHD, so there you go! Also, I know that Ammy does not have hands. -_- I've played Okami before. She used her snout to tug on the bandages and tighten them while Jinso did the rest. And another thing...what prophecy? Issun was just telling a local myth! I NEVER said it was a prophecy!
Now then, I have a bit of more serious news to explain.
First...I DO take requests for additions to the harem. HOWEVER...I will NOT do such things as taking out almost EVERY woman in the harem because a reviewer doesn't like my choices. I want you guys to have a part in some of the decisions, but stuff like that crosses the line by a mile! If you don't like big harems, or are a flaming, rabid NaruSaku fan, the back button is in the upper-left corner of your browser! That also counts for Yaoi fans, because I will NEVER write...*hisses*Yaoi...
Second, this story will go how I want it to go. If I want it to have enough cursing in it to make a sailor faint, then so be it! Also, the humor I use in this story involves a LOT of foul language and the occasional innuendo. Don't like it? There's the back button, so see ya, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!
Lastly, and most importantly...this story involves MY opinion. It's my opinion, not yours. No ever said you had to like it, and no one is forcing you to feel the same way. But if you have a problem with my opinion, honestly, whining like a little bitch is NOT going to help anyone. It's only going to piss me off and ruin the peace of this website. Remember this: I will not hesitate to report anyone who acts like a dick towards me in the reviews. This is just a warning for anyone who wants to FLAME me, so all you good reviewers get cookies for being nice! But as the saying goes, "Wake the sleeping dragon, and he will not hesitate to destroy you."
Okay, now for the harem! I have actually added Mikoto back in, so don't question my judgement, and that'll probably be it for the harem! And if you haven't figured it out yet, Jinso will be in a relationship with Amaterasu!
Here's the listings!
Current Harem:
Anko
Ayame
Fem. Haku
Hinata
Kin
Konan
Mikoto
Rika
Samui
Shizune
Tayuya
Yugito
The two secret women
Now then...ON WITH THE CHAPTER! HIYA! ALLY-ONSY!
Chapter 4- Returning Home
At the Spirit Gate
As the group arrived in the clearing, Jinso surveyed the area. Many of the trees had been burned down by the fire that was shot into the air.
"Well, I don't think the dragon has gotten out of its hole yet, so we're good for now." Issun commented, looking around as well.
"Now being the key term." Jinso reminded him.
"So Naruto, you didn't bring Megumi here, did you?" The choconette then asked the blonde.
"Nah. I left her back with Oki so she wouldn't get harmed." Naruto replied.
"Good. Now, we need to be careful when going through here. None of us know what the terrain is like, so make every step cou—"
"NARUTOOOO UZUMAKIIII!" The blonde suddenly shouted, running headfirst through the path to the hole.
"DAMMIT, NARUTO! ISSUN'S MOTTO DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU!" Jinso shouted, running after his companion with Amaterasu and Issun.(1)
At the Dragon's Den
The other three appeared on the scene only to see Naruto dodging a blast of fire. They followed the stream of flames to the source, and saw it coming from a hole in the ground, bending like an L as it escaped.
"How the fuck is that even possible!" The blonde exclaimed, dodging another fireball.
"Hey, dipshit! Come out here and fight me yourself!" Naruto then shouted, shaking his fist. Suddenly, tremors rocked the area and a roar came from the hole.
"I think you made it angry!" Issun exclaimed.
BGM ACTIVATED: GUNDAM 00 OST 2 TRACK 29- COUNTERATTACK
The ground around the hole began to bulge, and Jinso shouted,
"HIT THE DECK!" All four of them leapt away from the ground as it exploded in a burst of dark, violet fire. Burning embers swirled around the area, lighting multiple trees on fire. Chunks of burning earth flew down from the skies they had been launched into. From the flames, a shadowy figure rose taller than even the Ezofuji Mountains. As it reached the apex of its height, moonlight shone down, illuminating the monster.
The dragon was covered in golden scales that shone in the moonlight. Its silver scalene eyes glowed entrancingly. Two shiny black horns stood proud atop its head, and its black claws and talons glinted in contrast to the snow. Its ivory teeth were crusted with the blood of the unworthy. The dragon reared its head back and let out a screeching roar, blowing all the needles off of many of the pine trees.
"Fuck." Naruto stressed the "f" as he stared up at the dragon's hulking form. The colossal beast pointed its head up and let out a stream of fire from its mouth, roaring all the while. When it was done, the dragon crashed down onto all fours and stared at the group.
BGM DEACTIVATED
"Who dares to awaken I, Ryugouteki (Grand Dragon), Protector of Eternal Knowledge, and Slayer of the Unworthy, from my slumber?" The dragon bellowed; its deep voice rumbling throughout the forest. Jinso stared at the dragon and then stepped forward with an impassive look on his face, studying it closely. He then blinked and smirked at the dragon.
"What, do you not remember me?" The choconette asked, staring the dragon right in the eye. Ryugouteki leaned his head downwards to meet Jinso's gaze.
"Who might you be young mortal?" He asked.
"You must be getting old if you can't remember me, Ryu!" Jinso asked him with a smirk. Ryugouteki's eyes suddenly widened and a laugh escaped his throat.
"Only one person has ever me had the balls to call me that! Good to see you, Jinso!" The dragon said happily.
"It's good to see you as well, Ryu. It's been, what, two hundred thousand years since we last met?" Jinso replied.
"Indeed it has! You seem to have shrunk in all that time! How did that happen?" The mighty dragon asked.
"I kinda prefer to wear this around the humans so they don't freak out and try to have a paladin come kill me like usual. So how've you been doing, Ryu?" Jinso replied.
"The usual; a foolish human tries to prove their worth; I burn them alive and bite their legs off. It's much like bacon, believe it or not, though I believe the last time I actually had bacon was at that stag party Dionysus hosted. Now tell me, where is Kami? How has she been doing?" Ryugouteki asked him.
"Eh, Kami's been doing well. She's in a whole 'nother dimension, though."
"Oh, really? Hmm...Well, it seems you have found a companion or three to travel with. What are their names?" Ryu questioned lowering his head to look at them. The rest of the group stared at their conversation with wide eyes and dropped jaws.
"The little glowing guy is Issun, the blonde is Naruto, and the wolf is Amaterasu." That made Ryu's eyes widen a little bit.
"Amaterasu, you say? Hmm..." Ryu questioned, leaning down to get a good look at Amaterasu.
"I sense that her true form has been kept hidden from the world for many ages...White wolf...will you not reveal that which you truly are?" Ryu asked Amaterasu. Amaterasu nodded and closed her eyes, beginning to glow.
Her lupine claws turned into thin female hands as almost all traces of fur vanished from her body. The thick matting that had covered her was replaced with a sort of tribal clothing. Her large upper regions were covered with a white animal skin top that stopped right below her breasts. Below her navel, a white animal skin skirt went down to the middle of her thighs. White moccasins shielded Amaterasu's feet from the harsh snow. Hair the color of clouds with red streaks drifted down from her head and ended at the small of her back. Two white wolf ears stood atop her silky hair, and a thick, white tail extended from the back of her skirt.(2) This caused various reactions.
Issun, having fallen off of Amaterasu into the snow when she changed, and having gotten to his feet, fell back down in a daze.
"What a babe..." The poncle muttered.
Naruto gawked with a bit of a bloody nose at what he saw.
'Holy shit!' Was the only thought in his head. But in the seal, however...
'Naruto-kun, if you don't stop staring at her, you will NEVER get an erection again. And believe me; it'll hurt me a LOT more than it'll hurt you if that happens!' Rika ground out angrily.
'Y-Yes ma'am!'
Jinso stared at Amaterasu with a blush on his face.
"Gorgeous..." He said with a blush on his face. Amaterasu looked around, seeing the various reactions. The one that caught her attention was Jinso's, ESPECIALLY when she heard his opinion of her.
'He thinks I'm gorgeous...' For some reason, Amaterasu's heart soared at Jinso's statement. Naruto, having gotten out of his stupor, saw Jinso's expression and began laughing.
"Nii-san's in love! Nii-san's in love!" The blonde said in a sing-song voice. Jinso's face turned red as he put Naruto in a headlock.
"Shut the fuck up, you little brat!" The choconette said while he tried to choke the life out of Naruto with the crook of his elbow. Amaterasu giggled at their antics with a blush on her face.
"OK, Jin, put the gaki down. There's still the matter of why you are here in Kamui." Ryu reminded him.
"Fine!" Jinso snarled, shoving Naruto face-first into the snow.
"Brat, when we get home, I'm tripling your training regimen, AND you're paying the bills for the next two months!" The choconette told him, calling him the same name he did whenever Naruto pissed him off.
"Why me...?" Naruto weakly mumbled.
'Because you made fun of a god and added some proof to the stereotype about your hair color, you dumb blonde.' Rika told him with a huff, folding her arms under her ample breasts.
"Now then, Jin...Why are you here in Kamui, anyways?" Ryu asked Jinso.
"Well, earlier today, some unknown dipshit here in Kamui fucked with the properties of time and space. As a result, the blonde I just put in a headlock accidentally went through a portal, and I had to chase after him to get him back. Because of the unknown dipshit that I mentioned, I can't get us back. That's why we're here. I sensed a wave of evil energy appear, along with a sliver of an energy signature, But due to the massive blizzard out here, I can't sense it anymore; too much life energy floating around. So, you mind helping us out?"
"I can find the energy if you want. But you gotta track whoever or whatever it is down."
"No prob."
"Alright then..." Ryu's eyes turned green for a minute or two before changing back to their original color.
"The energy seems to be located about a mile away from the village up near the mountains. Go there, and you'll probably find whoever's messing with time and space."
"Thanks Ryu!"
"You're welcome, Jin. Now get the hell out of here so I can sleep again!" With that, the group hurried towards Oki's house to get Megumi back, and then began their trek to Wep'keer.
Five Minutes Later
The four of them reached the top of the hill in Wep'keer that led to the Ezofuji Mountains.
"Alright, who the fuck decided it was a good idea to make walkways out of snow?" Naruto asked, jerking his thumbs towards the village.
"Don't know, don't care. Now quit your bitching and get moving." Jinso replied curtly.
Five More Minutes Later
The group finally arrived at Laochi Lake (With much complaining from Naruto about the structure of certain things), where the Ark of Yamato was once frozen in place until Amaterasu and Waka boarded it. The frozen waters had melted when that happened, so now it was just a regular lake.
"So where the fuck is the thing that's messing up your powers, Nii-san?" Naruto asked.
"According to what Ryu said, it's supposed to be right in front of us." Jinso told them as he stood in front of the lake.
"But there's only water there." Issun remarked.
"Well, if there's water where it should be, then that means...Oh, fuck." Jinso said with a facepalm.
"What?"
"We have to go under the water. From what I can sense, there is a large building on the bottom of the lake."
"Are you serious!" Issun exclaimed.
"Do I look like I'm not?" Jinso asked in response.
"Can you guys just excuse me for a second?" Naruto suddenly interrupted, with Jinso nodding a reply. The blonde then scuttled over behind a rock, and let out a shout of rage.
"DAMN YOU, MIYAMOTO! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE THE MOTHERFUCKING WATER TEMPLE! MORPHA WAS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT, TOO! THE DAMN PHYSICS WEREN'T EVEN CORRECT!" Naruto raged, his yell shaking the ground.
(A/N: ANYONE who has played The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time knows what I'm talking about.)
Naruto then came back over to the group, with Amaterasu and Issun staring at him in confusion.
"Sorry about that. I'll explain later." The whiskered blonde quickly replied.
"It's fine, Naruto. Now then...I'm going to put up a bubble of air around us to regulate our body temperatures since the lake is freezing. However, due to my limited powers, I can only keep it up for about 2 hours. That means if we don't find breathable air in the underwater building in the next 2 hours, we will all drown and/or freeze to death." Jinso explained his plan for getting through the dungeon.
"Alright, but there's one flaw to that plan; It'd take us about a half an hour to sink down to the bottom. Add in having to get used to the changed physics, and we'd have actually about 5 minutes of air available." Issun replied with a serious face. But that face quickly changed to one of confusion when Jinso smirked at him.
"What? I got something on my face?" Issun asked him.
"Nothing's funny. It's just...I never said we'd have to sink down, now did I? No, my friend; teleportation is how we're doing it!" The male deity of the group said in response with a grin. But he quickly let all emotions drain from his face.
"Everyone buddy up! With my limited powers, I can't transport everyone individually, so grab a friend and hang on tight!" He told the other three. Amaterasu quickly latched onto Jinso while Issun hopped into Naruto's unruly hair. Jinso's serious gaze left him for a moment as he blushed at the contact between his arm and Amaterasu's breasts. Getting it back, he held tightly onto Amaterasu and snapped his fingers. The four of them were enveloped in a ball of light that flew up and then down towards the lake's icy depths.
Back in Konoha, The Hokage's Office
"Let me get this straight, Kakashi..." Hiruzen began.
"Your team managed to catch you in a trap that could've actually killed, after which you went to the roof of the Academy. Once you had a bit of interaction with your team, you decided to get introductions out of the way, before which, you pulled out your Icha Icha book. That in turn pissed Naruto-kun off, and he tried to destroy the book and possibly you. Am I correct so far?" Seeing the cycloptic jonin's nod, he continued.
"After that interaction, the introductions began. When it came to Naruto-kun's turn, he did not finish due to seeing some kind of glowing ellipse on the opposite side of the roof. None of you knew what it was, so he went over to examine it, at which point, he touched it and was sucked inside. Then a brown haired teen with a golden katana on his back suddenly appeared and cursed in anger. He then turned to you and said that the both of them would be back 'sometime', correct?" Kakashi nodded once more.
"Then said teen dove into the ellipse right as it closed, leaving you all confused?"
"Hai, Hokage-sama." Hiruzen leaned on his desk and began to rub his temples.
"I'm too old for this shit..." The aged Hokage muttered.
"Well, Kakashi, it seems that since NONE of our shinobi can figure out just what that ellipse was, we'll have to wait for Naruto and that other person to return, and pray that both of them are alright. Until then, none of you are to speak to anybody else of this accord. This is a SS-Rank secret, understood?" Kakashi, along with Sasuke and Hinata, nodded.
"Good. Now then, it seems you will have to postpone any team events besides meetings until Naruto-kun and the other person come back. Until then, you are free to do whatever you like with the rest of your time." With that, Hiruzen waved the three off, and when they were out the door, the man known as the Professor unsealed a bottle of sake and took a swig from it.
"Naruto-kun, wherever you are, I hope you're alright..."
Bottom of Lake Laochi
The ball of light stopped in front of a massive iron building and shrank itself into nothingness, revealing the four adventurers.
"Whoa..." Naruto said, gazing at his own two hands as if they weren't his.
"It feels so weird breathing underwater..." The blonde continued.
"Trust me, gaki; you're gonna get used to it." Jinso told him, still holding Amaterasu. The choconette turned his gaze to the iron dungeon in front of them.
"There seems to be a powerful entity lurking in the depths of this building. We're gonna need to be on guard the whole time, as we've only got 1 hour and 58 minutes left of air. So let's move!" With that shout, the group entered the underwater dungeon.
(A/N: If you came here for serious plot with a lot of comedy mixed in, feel free to laugh at these four's experiences in the most hated type of dungeon in video gaming history!)
When they first entered inside the dungeon, four braziers stood in an empty room with a locked door at the other end.
"So, what? We gotta light these torches or something? That'll be easy!" Issun remarked.
"Uh, in case you haven't noticed, we're underwater. Fire doesn't work down here." Naruto replied.
"I knew that." Issun fired back.
"Then why'd you say that lighting them with fire would be easy?"
"..."
"Exactly."
"So, we'll have to use the next best thing!" Jinso then said happily, turning them away from the argument.
"Which is?" Naruto asked him. The blonde turned to his surrogate older brother to see Jinso on one knee with a glowing hand held in front of him and a shit-eating grin on his face.
"PLUG YOUR EARS, MOTHERFUCKERS!" A blue laser as large as Jinso's crouched form fired straight from his glowing palm and hit the door, blasting it to bits. But then, the laser kept moving forward throughout the dungeon.
BOOM
BOOM
BOOM
Holes were continuously blasted through the dungeon walls, thus making a shortcut. Jinso instantly got up on two feet and dusted off his hands proudly.
"Why'd you do that! That laser basically shouted 'Hey, look, I'm over here!' to every monster in this dungeon!" Issun yelled at him. Jinso turned to the Poncle with a suddenly serious face, making Issun worry.
"I hate water dungeons. Now let's move quickly so we can get out of here!" Needing no other instructions the group began moving at a fast pace through the shortcut Jinso had made. As they made their way to the deepest part of the dungeon, the group had to dodge and bat away shamisens, drums, axes, swords, flutes, and even undead fish!
"Wow, what a warm welcome!" Naruto remarked sarcastically with a roll of his eyes as he smacked away yet ANOTHER undead fish.
"No shit." Jinso said before perking his head up quickly.
"EVERYONE, JUMP!" Hearing his warning shout and seeing his action, Amaterasu and Naruto did the same, narrowly avoiding multiple sets of bamboo spikes as they floated/moved through the water.
'Damn in-game water physics...' Jinso ranted in his head.
"Thanks for the warning, Nii-san!"
"You're welcome! Keep moving!" The four quickly raced to beat the clock through all the holes. At one point, they were stuck in a giant room with an almost as massive hole in the ground. As soon as they entered, the door behind them and the door on the other side of the room locked shut.
"What the fuck? Why are the doors locked?" Naruto questioned, looking around the room cautiously. Suddenly, the ground began to tremor as clear tentacles rose from the ground, with one of them having an eyeball in it.
'Resource material from Twilight Princess!' Jinso commented in his mind. The tentacles immediately began to attack the nearest person, who just so happened to be the only female of the group.
'Great, it's not only resource material from Twilight Princess, but it's also oil to pour on the flaming imaginations of hentai writers! Just what I need; a bunch of sick pervs writing smut about my Okami-chan! Wait...my Okami-chan?'Jinso said in his mind. A female scream broke him out of his thoughts. One of the clear tentacles was wrapped around Amaterasu, and for some reason...it was shaped like a penis!
Real World
The oh so lovable and batshit insane author was returning to his desk with a pack of pocky and some Pepsi-cola (Not one of the new plastic cap bottles, mind you, but one of the old-school pop cap bottles) when he heard the 'clack-clack' sound of a keyboard being used. Entering his own room, Jinso Kitsune-kun saw a random stranger typing part of his story.
"Hey! Who the fuck are you?" The author yelled. The unknown perv, seeing he had been caught, leapt out the window and fell to his death like a noob.
"Well, that's just great! Now not only do I have to fix this mess that sick pervert made, but now I'm gonna get interrogated by the cops for a dead fucking body!" Jinso Kitsune-kun slumped down into his comfy desk chair with a sigh, putting his pocky and soda on the side of his desk. With a crack of his knuckles, Jinso Kitsune-kun began fixing the story mess.
"Ah well, one hurdle at a motherfucking time." He mumbled, fixing the error as he spoke.
DOEG-verse
Suddenly, everything froze as the resource material-*cough* tentacle monster's scene was replaced and the four were put outside the room. However, no one knew that, so the group just entered. Immediately, Naruto started sweating furiously at the sight that lay before him.
(A/N: Muahahaha! I'm like a kid in a candy store right now! So many aggravating setbacks to place, and so little time to type them all!)
Everywhere the blonde looked, he saw that dreaded sight... Every gamer hated this kind of puzzle in water levels; in fact, it caused many of the lesser gamers to quit altogether... It was the bane of every gamer's existence...
...A WATER PHYSICS PUZZLE...
"FUUUUUUUUU-"
Real World
"That's right, blondie! You don't question the author!" The lovably insane author cackled, projecting his voice into the story at the same time. Giving a happy sigh, Jinso Kitsune-kun relaxed in his comfy desk chair and opened his Pepsi.
"It's good to be the author..."
DOEG-verse
"-UUUUUUUUCK!" Naruto screamed. Suddenly, the author's voice echoed throughout the room.
"That's right, blondie! You don't question the author!" It said. Jinso himself blanched at the voice's response.
"Naruto..." He asked in a low voice.
"Did you really question the author?"
"Yeah...So?" Jinso facepalmed as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.
"You don't understand, Naruto! I'm the author's in-story persona, and I only have 10% of his real power! He can make you let yourself fall on a spike and die comically with a few pushes of a button! He could force me to brutally murder you without any remorse and I'd HAVE to do it!" Naruto and the others blanched at the thought.
"The author is the strongest being in existence when it comes to this story! He literally can do anything he wants to this story and it'd be OK! Questioning him can easily get you killed off in the blink of an eye!" The choconette exclaimed hysterically. Suddenly, another person literally materialized next to Jinso before their very eyes.
"He's right, you know." The person said with a sadistic grin. They looked almost exactly like Jinso, but with a couple of differences. The other person had streaks of blood red and black in his chocolate-colored hair, his pupils were red slits instead of black dots, and his eyes had gold sclera instead of white ones. Two black and red fox ears stood on top of his head, and ten black and red fox tails stood out behind him. A sharp fang poked out from his curving lip.
"Who are y—" Naruto was cut off by Jinso grabbing him and putting a hand over his mouth.
"Naruto...that man is the author. When you speak to him, choose your words wisely, or you WILL die." Jinso Kitsune-kun looked at Naruto in a bored way.
"Listen, kid. I may have pissed you off with the water physics level you got right here, but you haven't seen even the bare minimum of what I can do." The author told him.
"I work hard to make sure everything fits the way it does in this story, and I am already dealing with a lot of shit outside of here. It's not gonna do anyone ANY good if you question the reality in this story. Now, I'm gonna let you off with a warning because the story's not even CLOSE to being done. But remember this, a), I don't enter the story unless I feel it is needed, and b), ANYONE who questions this reality is going to be eviscerated by their own hands while their eyeballs slowly melt themselves out of their sockets and their nuts/breasts swell up and implode. Got it?" Naruto nodded fearfully under the gaze of the author.
"Good. Now then, if you make it through this dungeon without questioning it or me either out loud or in your head, I'll give you a special reward. OK?" Seeing the blonde's nods, Jinso Kitsune-kun finally let out a smile.
"Thanks. I'm sorry for having to threaten you, but I've just been extremely pissed off lately. Keep what I said in mind!" With that, the author returned to the real world and continued typing this story.
Wait...
If he went into the story, then how could he have still typed the part where he went in if he was inside the story and not the real world, even though it was still typed when he wasn't doing it, yet he's typing this right now and—
*gets riddled with bullet holes*
ACK! *falls to the ground dead*
*new narrator comes in*
Sorry about that folks, but the older narrator started questioning the reality of this story, and you know what happens then! By the way, getting shot at least twenty times was the author's version of mercy for that guy. Continuing on, though!
A creepy chuckle echoed throughout the room.
"I'm just shitting you guys! The puzzle is just an illusion! But you still might wanna look for secrets! *cough*!*cough*" Everyone sweatdropped at the author's bad cover-up for the secret. Jinso immediately went to the far right wall and touched the stone. He could feel heat coming from a concentrated source.
"Rasu-chan, would you mind Cherry Bombing the wall right here?" Amaterasu gave a nod and quickly made a Cherry Bomb appear. The wall exploded, revealing a dark hallway.
"Shall we?" The group moved fast through the dark hall, searching for a source of light.
And it just so happened that they came upon a door with a LOT of light coming from behind it. Jinso kicked the door in and they all ran inside.
The ENTIRE room was covered in gold. Gold statues, gold coins, gold weapons, and even golden FOOD!
"Damn..." Jinso said appreciatively. He then narrowed his eyes.
"Something's not right here...Why would there be a random room filled with gold in a WATER DUNGEON at the BOTTOM OF A LAKE?" He mumbled. Suddenly, the door locked itself behind them, causing Jinso to worry. Glancing upwards, he saw Naruto reach for a shinier than usual treasure chest. The choconette's eyes widened in horror.
"NARUTO, DON'T!" But he was too late as a sickly green hand with an eye in its palm burst from the treasure chest as Naruto jumped away. Seven other treasure chests did the same as they surrounded the group.
"Shit..."
"I remember these things! They're called Mimics! We found some on a sunken ship during our initial adventure!" Issun told them.
"Great, so how do we kill them?" Naruto asked with a roll of his eyes. Hearing a whirring sound, Naruto looked to see Jinso with his cheeks puffed out.
"Um...Nii-san?"
"I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!" Jinso shouted, his eyes turning huge as his mouth elongated.
"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A blue laser fired itself from Jinso's mouth, obliterating three Mimics.
(A/N: And you guys thought I was done with the lasers! Hell fucking no! That shit is still alive!)
"DR. OCTAGONAPUS NO JUTSU!" Everyone hit the deck as Jinso suddenly sprouted mechanical tentacles, stood up on them, and began to spin whilst firing a blue laser from his mouth. The red ring of dea—er...I mean the blue beam of doom annihilated the remaining mimics. Once all that was done, the mechanical tentacles drew back into Jinso's...back, and he dropped right beside Naruto.
"Uh..."
"Don't ask." Suddenly, eight regular treasure chests appeared in place of the Mimics, and the door unlocked.
"Hm...I guess this was a challenge room. Oh well, to victor goes the spoils of war." Jinso shrugged as he walked to each of the chests and collected what was inside. And what was inside caused him to frown.
'It's...jewelry?' Shrugging once more, Jinso put away the jewelry and turned to his team.
"Let's go. It's nothing but duds." He lied.
"I'm not even gonna ask a single question this time. Better to just go with the flow sometimes than to fight against the current." Naruto muttered sagely.
"Damn right it is. Now let's keep moving."
40 minutes later
Finally reaching a narrow hallway that led to a massive door, the group stopped to relax.
"Well, guys I think we're almost done. We've only got about half an hour of air left, give or take a few minutes." Jinso told them.
"At least we can kick the ass of the guy who made this happen in the first place." Naruto commented. Jinso nodded to him.
"Something powerful lies beyond that door, most likely the source of the disturbances. You guys ready?" Jinso asked, turning to the group.
"Always, Nii-san!" Naruto replied.
"I am if you are!" Amaterasu said happily.
"Eh, why not?" Issun told him with a shrug.
"Alright, then. We don't know what we're going to face, so stay on guard. We've only got 30 minutes left of air, so we have to make it count! Now let's go!" With everyone pumping their fists in the air, Jinso blew the massive door open and they all walked in. The room had two platforms set in the middle, with spotlights in the ceiling and bleachers behind each platform.
"So...Someone has finally come to challenge me...That is most excellent..." A hissing voice echoed throughout the room.
"Show yourself!" Jinso ordered.
"Ah, such courage...The feel of your power is so enticing...Like a feast that can only be eaten by a king...Very well...Look and see who you have spoken to..." From the shadows, a figure stepped forward. His skin was a pale red, and two horns stood from his cranium. The person wore a leather jacket and a pair of denim jeans. The ends of the jeans stopped just above a pair of black hooves. Dark shades hid the man's eyes from the group.
"Welcome to my lair...My name is Lucifer, but you can just call me the Devil of Rock..."
"Rock?" Naruto asked confusedly.
"I see that you are here to stop the disturbances of time and space...If that is so, then you must prove your worth through battle..." Naruto smirked.
"Bring it on, dipshit! I'm not afraid of you!" The blonde said, drawing his tanto.
"Ah, but I did not mean a battle of might...No, what I seek is a battle of music!" Lucifer replied. To show what he meant, the Devil of Rock made an electric guitar appear in a burst of hellfire. The guitar was mostly colored black, with maroon skulls etched into its surface. The head of the guitar was an ivory skull with glowing red eyes. Jinso smirked in response.
"Now, then...Who wishes to do battle with me?" Jinso stepped forward, the smirk never leaving his face.
"I'll fight you." The choconette announced. Naruto looked at him bewilderedly.
"I'm the only one of us who knows how to do this, so just suck it up! You can kick some ass on a mission, alright?" Jinso replied to the blonde. He then turned back to Lucifer with a smirk.
"Ah, the one with boundless courage...You are bold, but bravery can only get you so far in life..." Lucifer told him. Jinso was still smirking as he made his way up to his own platform across from Lucifer. The god held his hand out, and an electric guitar appeared in his own hands. The body of the guitar was color black, with golden flames licking about on it. The neck with colored white with gold outlines and strings. The head of the guitar was white with Jinso's name engraved in gold on it. Both entities strapped on their guitars and the platforms lifted up. The others were all seated in the bleachers. Jinso's side had only the other three of his group sitting there, while Lucifer's were filled with undead skeletons cheering him on.
"Do you truly think you can beat the Devil of Rock?" Lucifer asked Jinso. The choconette's smirk grew bigger in response.
"You may be the Devil of Rock, but I am its God. Now bring it!" Jinso told him.
"Alright then...I'll start this show!" Lucifer took out a guitar pick and played a loud chord on his guitar. The skeletons all cheered at their master's ability. Lucifer grinned to Jinso and gestured for him to start.
The choconette strummed one single note, causing the skellies to laugh and point at him. But then...
Jinso strummed the same note and then played another...and another...and another, until he was doing the most 'in-your-face' guitar playing that even Lucifer had ever seen.
(A/N: Lou's finisher in the final battle of Guitar Hero 3.)
Jinso continually riffed through entire sets of notes, rocking out like never before. He finished with one last chord, leaving everyone in awe as he smirked at Lucifer.
"Your turn, Lucy." He said. (Anybody get that reference?)
The Devil of Rock growled and the two began their rock battle.
BGM ACTIVATED: GUITAR HERO 3: LEGENDS OF ROCK- THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA (ROCK VERSION)
(A/N: Now, it seemed like a good idea to cut off here, but I doubt you guys would want a cliffy before the epic battle between the God and Devil of Rock, so this is my special treat for making such a sucky first edition of Chapter 3! I don't care what anyone says, THIS makes up for it! You're welcome!)
The two rockers began to loudly twang the strings of their guitars as the room filled with the intense and epic music.
"You know, if you'd just save yourself the time and stop the disturbances, I'd be more than willing to let you live, Lucifer." Jinso told his hellish rock 'n roll counterpart.
"Ha! Like I'd stop until my afterlife had its share of a challenge from you! Keep trying and we will see what may happen!" Lucifer shouted in reply.
"Then show me what you got!" That was when the lyrics started playing as Lucifer sang.
The devil went down to Georgia; he was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind and he was willin' to make a deal.
When he came across this young man sawin' on the fiddle and playin' it hot.
And the devil jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Boy let me tell you what:"
The two guitarists went into a purely instrumental riff as they practically sawed through their guitar strings with fingers of lightning. It amazed everyone who watched to see how quickly their hands moved on the guitars without slipping up.
"I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too." Lucifer looked Jinso right in the eye as he sang while their strums echoed throughout the dungeon.
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."
"Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due: I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you." Then Jinso began to sing.
The boy said "My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin, but I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best there's ever been!" Then Lucifer joined in with Jinso as their strums and riffs grew louder.
Johnny you rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard.
'Cos hells broke loose in Georgia and the devil deals it hard.
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.
But if you lose, the devil gets your soul!
Both of them once more went purely instrumental until the next verse came up, where Lucifer sang.
The devil opened up his case and he said: "I'll start this show."
And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow. To add to the effect, Lucifer's own fingers lit on fire as he continued playing.
And he pulled the bow across his strings and it made an evil hiss.
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this.
Once more, Jinso and Lucifer entered an instrumental period in which they rocked the entire area with their powerful strumming. Amps were set up so as to increase the sound for all to hear.
"It's amazing...How can they even keep it up for so long without sweating in the very least?" Amaterasu asked in awe of what was before her.
"Despite having lived with Nii-san for a couple of years, I actually don't know all that much about him. He never told me anything about 'rock music' or how apparently EPIC it is!" Naruto exclaimed, cheering Jinso on.
'Even the boy who calls him his brother knows little about him...Now I'm even more interested...' Amaterasu thought to herself, feeling more attracted to the choconette than before. It had at first felt like a simple crush, but then she saw the greatest characteristics about him and fell in love. The thing with gods and love is that if one were to love a mortal, they could never be with them, for a god would live forever, while a human would eventually die.
That was why most gods and goddesses kept their feelings of love and attraction bottled up. It caused many bad situations, which the humans perceived as their so-called 'natural disasters'. All these tornadoes and hurricanes and blizzards were merely the gods venting the anguish of their eternal lives. And even though she was a goddess, she was still a woman; and one of the things that attracts a woman to a man is her desire to know more about them.
(A/N: I may be a man myself, but I live with three women, two of which have been on their periods multiple times, while the other is just starting hers. Trust me when I say that I know this stuff.)
Suddenly, Amaterasu's head jerked from Lucifer to Jinso as the God of Rock and Roll began to sing.
When the devil finished, Johnny said: "Well you're pretty good ol' son."
"But if you'll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how it's done!"
Fire on the mount, run boys, run!
The devil's in the house of the risin' sun!
Chicken in the bread pin, pickin' out dough.
"Granny does your dog bite?"
"No, child no."
The two once more went into an instrumental, but this time, they both pushed all of their power into their in an attempt to overcome one another. White and red auras surged around both rockers, pushing each other back and forth in a struggle of willpower. The density of their individual powers started shaking the building while they still continued playing flawlessly!
"You realize I'm gonna beat you, right?" Jinso asked while their auras still fought.
"Oh, really? Might I ask how you know the outcome of this battle?" Lucifer questioned in response. Jinso smirked with a mischievous glint in his blue-green-grey eyes.
"Haven't you ever heard the end of this song?" And that was all Lucifer got in response. But finally, after several minutes, Jinso's white aura overpowered Lucifer's, and the Devil of Rock 'n Roll lowered his head as Jinso sang to finish it all off.
The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.
He laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet.
Johnny said: "Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again." To rub Lucifer's nose in it even more, Jinso gave him the one-finger salute as he continued playing EVERY FUCKING NOTE correctly with ONE HAND.
(A/N: Just a side note, but that is true for me as well. I can play a guitar VERY WELL with JUST ONE HAND. I'm not lying, just ask any member of my family!)
"I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best there's ever been!"
And he played fire on the mount, run boys, run!
The devil's in the house of the risin' sun!
Chicken in the bread pin pickin' out dough.
"Granny does your dog bite?"
"No, child, no."
Jinso finished off the entire song with the last few riffs and then began replaying Lou's finisher from Guitar Hero 3. With the last few notes he blasted Lucifer away with a chord on his guitar and a wave of energy, breaking the body of the Devil of Rock 'n Roll and ending the musical battle.
BGM DEACTIVATED
"And that's how you get shit done!" Jinso announced. The three people in his group cheered while the skeletons all dissipated now that they were not controlled by Lucifer.
"Alright, seeing as we finished with just about 3 minutes left of air, I say we get back on land and go home, eh, Naruto?" Jinso asked.
"Hell yeah! Finally, I can get a bowl of ramen or twenty!" The blonde replied. Jinso smirked, and with a snap of his fingers, they were all back on land, and another snap made Megumi appear in Naruto's arms. Once the light settled and Jinso shattered the air bubble, the two from Konoha and the two from Nippon stared at each other.
"Well, I guess this is it...We'll be going now, you two...I hope we can meet up again some time." Jinso said with both he and Naruto waving goodbye. A quick snap of the choconette's fingers opened an ellipse that was similar to the one they arrived there through.
"See ya..." Just as the two were about to step through the portal, a shout stopped them.
"Wait!" The duo turned around to see Amaterasu coming up to them.
"I...I wish to go with you..." She said meekly.
"W-What!" Issun cried out, hopping through the snow to reach her.
"But Ammy, you have to tend to your duties up in the Celestial Plain!" the Poncle tried his best to get her to stay.
"I'm sorry, Issun, but I won't be coming back to the Celestial Plain this time. Make sure to tell Gekigami to lighten up and that Yomigami is the only one allowed to choose my successor, alright?" Amaterasu asked. Issun sighed before asking one final time.
"Are you sure I can't do anything to make you stay?" He questioned. A quick shake of Amaterasu's head from side to side gave the wandering artist his answer.
"Alright then...Good luck with your new life, furball. Even though I really want you to stay, it's up to you to forge your own path through life..." The little Poncle smiled up at his companion for one last time.
"Just do me one favor, Ammy."
"Anything, Issun."
"Promise me that you'll give those villagers hell, OK?"
"Got it, Issun. See you some other time!" With that, the three walked back through the portal and to Konoha, leaving Issun alone in the snow.
"Well, I can't dwell on the past, but with how Yomigami and the rest of the brush gods will react, I'm not sure I want to meet the future either...Heh heh..." Issun joked sadly as he went back to Ponc'tan to talk with his grandfather.
Back in Konoha, Academy Roof
Another ellipse opened up as three figures tumbled out of it, gathering a cloud of dust around them. The sudden influx of power alerted the ANBU and Hokage to the scene very quickly. What they saw was very...interesting.
Naruto was laying chin-first in the dirt, with his butt sticking up in the air, while Amaterasu had fallen on top of Jinso, and the two were now in a very awkward position. Both had a blush on their face and were staring right into each others' eyes.
'Her eyes are like pools of gold...' Jinso thought to himself.
'His eyes...They constantly change their color and they never stay the same for too long...It's as though he captured the entire ocean inside of them...' Amaterasu thought as she and Jinso continued staring at each other, while blushing of course.
"Ohayo, Jiji! What's new?" That sentence was somehow able to break the two out of their stupor and made them take a look at the situation. The Hokage, several ANBU, and even Naruto were staring at the two of them. This of course made both of their faces look like giant tomatoes.
"Not really much is new, Naruto-kun. Though I have had to fend off the council and keep them from discovering that you somehow went through a kind of portal, among other matters." The aged Hokage replied with a smirk at seeing Jinso's predicament.
"Jiji, you don't know the half of it." Naruto suddenly deadpanned, putting Hiruzen and even some of the ANBU on edge. Naruto's surrogate grandfather turned to Jinso for an explanation now that the choconette and the white-haired woman had gotten to their feet.
"I'd rather not prefer to go into it in public, Hokage-san. May we please talk in your office?" Jinso asked the elderly man. Hiruzen nodded, and the four of them went to said office. The moment Hiruzen sat down at his desk, Jinso told him the entire story, from the time they both went through the portal to when they got back.
Hiruzen let out a long, appreciative whistle.
"That is quite the story Jinso-sama. However, I will no doubt have to tell the Council of what happened since the chakra and energy output from that portal most likely caused them to panic and also knocked out their power, so they will bitch to me as usual." The Sandaime said, rolling his eyes at the last part. Jinso seemed to be contemplating something as he observed the old Hokage. What was once a proud shinobi who could not be pushed down was now a tired old man that wanted nothing more than to spend a single night with his family.
"Hiruzen...I'm going to make a deal with you." Jinso said with such sudden seriousness. (Try saying that five times fast!)
"And what would that deal be, Jinso-sama?"
"Now hold on a second, Hiruzen. I have a few questions before I offer you my deal."
"Ask away."
"Alright. First question: If you were thirty years younger, in your prime, what would you be doing about the civilian council?"
"That seems a bit off for a question, but I'll answer it. I would be yelling at them to pull their heads out of their own asses and learn their place. "
"OK. Second question: Have you had any seizures within the past year or so?" That caught Hiruzen off guard.
"I don't know why you would ask that, but no I have not."
"Alright. Last question: If you could have any one thing...in the entire world...be it money, women, fame, etc., what would it be?" Hiruzen sighed deeply as thought about his answer.
"I would have...one single night just to spend with my family instead of doing this paperwork and listening to the civilians whine." The Sandaime finally answered with conviction in his voice. Seeing Jinso with a smirk on his face, the Kami no Shinobi wondered if he was about to be pranked.
"You have spoken a wise answer, Hiruzen. For that, I wish to offer you something..."
"What do you wish to offer?"
"Those three questions that I asked you...You told me that if you were back in your prime, you would have whooped the asses of the civilian council and told them to go shove it...The seizure question was more for medical reasons...But the third question was a test...You said that if you could have any one thing in the whole world, it would simply be a night to spend with your family and show them that you care about them...That was the answer I was looking for."
"What do you mean?" The old Sarutobi asked with a raised eyebrow. Jinso stood up and walked over behind the desk.
"It's time for the Kami no Shinobi to make his return." The choconette said as he stuck his middle and index fingers together on the middle of Hiruzen's forehead. Slowly but surely, the aged gray hair turned brown and vibrant. His liver spots and wrinkles vanished as if they had never existed. Old, exhausted muscles suddenly pulsed back to life with great vigor. The hunched back of an elderly man was replaced with the tall and proud spine of a warrior. His dim and tired eyes suddenly burned with the Will of Fire. Even his worn vocal cords were changed.
"What...what did you do to me?" Hiruzen asked, touching his own face.
"I turned back the hands of time for your body and quite literally put you back in your prime. You are now only 40 years old." Jinso stated proudly. The newly revitalized Hiruzen grabbed a small mirror and checked himself. There wasn't even a single DOT of dark skin underneath his eyes.
"It's true...I...I am actually younger! I'm back in my prime!" The once elderly Sarutobi cheered with much happiness in his voice.
"Remember that this is a gift that must be taken seriously. I foresee great danger in Konoha's future if my gift is taken lightly. You must reign in that damned mockery of a council or else things will end badly for all, Hiruzen Sarutobi. Also, do not reveal your newfound youth to the council because a), I REALLY don't want people showing up on my doorstep every five minutes, asking for me to make them young due to the gossiping morons on that council, and b), they will try to reign me under their control with that CRA bullshit that I do not need if they manage to find out that I can control time." Jinso warned him with a serious tone.
"I promise you that I will not take it lightly, Jinso-sama. It's time for me to explain to the council just WHY this is a military dictatorship." Hiruzen said with an evil smirk.
"Well, that's great and all, but I need some sleep. Just send an ANBU if you need me." Jinso replied, waving him off as he left with Amaterasu, but not Naruto. The blonde had tried to leave, but Hiruzen stopped him.
"Naruto-kun, I need to call your teammates and sensei here so that they know you're alright. Do you mind waiting here until they arrive?"
"That'll be fine, Jiji. Plus, I really want to see Hinata-hime after getting sent to another universe." Hiruzen grinned at Naruto's pet name for Hinata.
"Oh, so she's Hinata-hime, now is she?" The Sarutobi asked.
"Urusai, Ero-jiji!" Naruto shouted in embarrassment. But then he stopped and pointed to his surrogate grandfather.
"Um...shouldn't you be henged to look like you're still old so no one learns about what happened?" The blonde asked. In all his excitement, Hiruzen had forgotten to henge himself.
"Oh, of course! My mistake!" So then, Hiruzen told his ANBU to get Team 7 and bring them here, but not to tell them why. The two spent the next few minutes playing cards until the secretary told Hiruzen that Team 7 was waiting. Naruto quickly packed away the cards and stood happily as his team entered.
"Hokage-sama, what did you call us here fo—NARUTO!" The usually reserved cycloptic jonin let out a shout of surprise at the blonde's presence.
"Who else, Scarecrow-sensei?" Naruto replied, with Megumi yipping alongside him. Of course, the happiness of the moment was disturbed by...
"KAWAII!" Hinata shouted as she dove for the fox kit that was inside of Naruto's jacket. The bluenette snuggled her head against Megumi, but more importantly, her...*cough*...ample bosom was rubbing up against 'Naruto Jr.' Naruto blushed at the situation while Sasuke and Hiruzen both had to stifle a laugh. Kakashi merely continued reading his book, but only said one thing.
"I'm impressed Naruto; not even an hour after you return and you're already making me so proud." The cycloptic jonin said, wiping a fake tear from his visible eye. Hinata and Naruto both froze at that statement before the former fainted while STILL on top of the latter. And if the situation couldn't get any worse, an ANBU appeared in the room to deliver Hiruzen a message.
"The Council is requesting a meeting, Hokage-sama. They wish for you, Naruto-kun and his Nii-san to be there, as well as some woman with white hair that those two were seen with." The Neko masked ANBU whispered.
"Thank you, Neko. I'll get Naruto there." With a single nod, Neko left in a shunshin to go tell Jinso the same exact thing. Hiruzen bent down to Naruto's level and managed to lift Hinata off of him.
"Naruto-kun, I need you to come with me to a council meeting, alright?" Naruto nodded and quickly left with the now young Hokage while Sasuke and Kakashi took Hinata back to her clan compound.
Naruto and Jinso's Apartment
"What is it?" Jinso irritatedly asked the Neko-masked ANBU who had been knocking on his door. The choconette was currently wearing a white wife-beater with loose-fit jeans and sneakers. A gold pendant that was shaped like a clock hung around his neck. His spiky, dark chocolate-colored hair had a couple of silver streaks on the tips. Beyond the door, Neko could see a woman with snow white hair sitting on a black leather couch beside another woman who had silver hair.
The white-haired woman was wearing a sky blue top with silver trim and skin-tight leather pants. She also had high-heel shinobi sandals and wore silver bracers with gold finishing on her wrists.
The silver haired woman wore NOTHING BUT skin-tight black leather, complete with pitch-black stiletto heels that had silver trimmings and two midnight blue teardrop earrings. Needless to say, even the female Neko-masked ANBU felt a bit attracted. No homo.
(A/N: If you could not tell, the one with the blue top is Amaterasu, and the one in skin-tight leather is KAMI. I thought I'd add a bit of a twist to what she is normally depicted as. Seems the queen of purity is not as innocent as we all thought...Muahahaha!)
"You are requested in the council chambers for a meeting, and you are to bring that white-haired woman along with you." Neko responded. Jinso closed his eyes and muttered something about "dipshit old farts who should be in the morgue by now" and "giving someone a very slow enema with a rusty spork that's lit on fire and has serrated edges". Neko didn't want to hear anymore, so she turned to leave, but not before giving one last piece of advice just before Jinso closed his door.
"Ne, Shokora-san (Chocolate-san)?"
"Yeah? What do you need?" Jinso replied.
"If Naruto-san needs any help with pranking most of the Civilian Council, I'd be willing to oblige." Jinso smiled and nodded.
"I'll be sure to let him know. Sayonara, Yugao-san." With that, Jinso closed his door. Ammy made sure to hide her ears and tails so the Civilians wouldn't flip like monkeys and immediately call her a demon. She had changed her top and leather pants into a loose-fit kimono that showed quite a bit of cleavage, but not too much. The kimono had a slit on the right side, allowing for a bit of seductive quality. A golden wolf's head was clipped to her hair, making Amaterasu look very qualitative, creating a 'you can look, but only my lover can touch' situation.
"Are you all set, Rasu-chan?" Jinso asked, extending his hand for her to grasp.
"I don't know, are you, Jin-koi?" Amaterasu replied huskily in his ear. The seductive tone of her voice sent shivers down the god's spine that he hadn't felt since...
When was the last time he felt that same feeling?
It had been so long since Jinso had ever felt that exact same feeling of comfort that he did with Amaterasu. It made him feel happy and welcome.
Pushing those thoughts aside for now, Jinso and Amaterasu set off for the Council Meeting Hall. Jinso held Amaterasu close to him, as many perverts started ogling the literal goddess that was by his side. A quick glare and a blast of KI made them go away instantly. As they arrived at the doors to the meeting hall, Jinso took out a sealing scroll and kicked the doors off of their hinges, sending them flying randomly. And it just so happened that the two doors were embedded in the wall right above the heads of the Civilian Council. When most of them directed a puny amount of KI at the choconette, he shrugged with an insane grin and simply replied,
"I guess I missed. Better work on my aim, then." Jinso unsealed a small couch, fit for three, as he spoke. Naruto, who had arrived with Hiruzen, ran over to the couch and sat down next to Amaterasu. Jinso and Amaterasu both sat down and kicked back, with Jinso snaking his right arm around Amaterasu's waist. (If you were facing the councils, Jinso would be on the left, Amaterasu would be in the middle, and Naruto would be on the right, and vice-versa.) He then unsealed a glass filled with wine and took a grateful sip before talking.
(A/N: Another quirk of mine, right there! I am a bit of a wine connoisseur myself, so I can't help but write this in. I don't get drunk on wine, but I like to taste a bit of each kind I come across.)
"So why has the Almighty Council of Konoha told me and my little brother to be here this time? I'm just dying to know why the hell I can't get a minute of relaxation after crossing multiple dimensions in a single day." Jinso sarcastically asked.
"You are here because we wish to know about that strange ellipse that allows a person to teleport betweens places at will." Said Shita Headaru, the head of the Civilian Marketing Affairs. (If you didn't notice, his name is a pun on 'shithead'.) Jinso lazily turned his head to the Hokage.
"Hiruzen-san, I thought this was a ninja-only matter. If it is, shouldn't only the Shinobi Council be here, as there are no civilian concerns being presented?" The choconette asked.
"Unfortunately, that ellipse knocked out most of the civilians' power, so they have to be here." The Hokage replied with a sigh.
"Fuck...If it's that much trouble, why not just build a generator that powers the village, and have guards posted that switch every half an hour so that if the power goes out, a quick Raiton jutsu will get everything going again? It would make everyone's lives a lot easier."
"Hm...I hadn't thought of that. Thank you, J-san."
"No problem. I honestly wouldn't prefer to be here myself, as traveling through the barriers of time and space can easily get you tired."
"The barriers of time and space?" This question was asked by the ever-stoic Hyuuga Hiashi.
"Dimension hopping, warping, universal teleportation, call it what you want. It's essentially going to a different dimension or universe by usage of a special power or item and only I can perform it." Jinso replied. This got the civilians interested, and one of the more greedy men spoke out.
"We should—"
"Fuck no! I'm NOT doing that CRA bullshit! Don't need it; don't want it! I may sound like a lunatic to all males present, but I love only ONE woman, and I'm not willing to break her heart because of perverse desires of the flesh so that some village-leader wannabes can try to control the lives of me and my future family!" Jinso cut him off, glaring daggers into the man's skull as he spoke. He then turned to the Hokage.
"Sorry, Hiruzen-san, but I'm not doing that bullshit, and nobody can fucking make me."
"Show the Hokage some respect, you delinquent!" One fat blob of a civilian merchant yelled, shaking his pudgy fist all the while. Jinso took another drink from his glass of wine, which was now nearly empty.
"First of all, my way of showing respect to someone is acknowledging them by their name. Your way of showing respect is using honorifics, which you didn't do, so shut the fuck up! I respect the Hokage, so I call him Hiruzen-san. You, on the other hand, I would only refer to as a moronic blob of wasted money, a blob because you are somehow larger than most Akimichi Clan members, no offense, by the way, Choza-san," Jinso looked to see Choza nod happily for the confirmation he needed about none taking offense. Taking the last sip of his glass, Jinso continued.
"And you tend to act quite moronic; shouting at others without asking their attention, calling someone a title which you have no evidence to show for its existence upon their person, etc., and a waste of money because you are only a simple merchant, with, from what I have seen, a mere market stall and three fruit and vegetable carts—which I can't imagine how exactly it would land you a spot on this council—and yet money is constantly spent on getting you and others that are like you products for sale at your cart when they could just as easily be grown in your own backyard and would cost far less.
And second, you presume me to be a delinquent because I do not show the village leader the same kind of respect as everyone else, and yet, I have no criminal record nor do you have ANY evidence of me committing any crimes or public injustices, not that I have done so. As it stands, you are no more than a kindergartener who just had his favorite toy taken away in the eyes of the shinobi world. That includes me." Jinso finished, his voice taking a dark undertone. The choconette unsealed a bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite and poured more into his wine glass before corking the bottle and setting it down by his feet.
"Now then, if someone with a sense of manners would speak to me, I will gladly explain what happened." Jinso told, holding his glass of imported and VERY expensive wine in a casual manner. (Seriously, ONE bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite costs about $200,000 if my memory serves correct)
"Alright then...my pup's been worried about the gaki, so could you please explain the entirety of the situation?" Tsume Inuzuka asked.
"Very well then..." Jinso said, beginning his tale. By the time he had finished 2 hours later, half of the choconette's imported and, once again, VERY EXPENSIVE wine had been depleted, and nearly every person in the room was staring at him wide-eyed. Of course, Jinso had left out a few parts, such as the entirety of the water dungeon and how they got there, his encounter with Ryugouteki, the fact that Megumi was there, who Amaterasu was, and the part where he knocked Lucifer's ass back to last week in a rock battle. Aburame Shibi was the first to recollect his thoughts as he fidgeted with his glasses.
"Your story seems to true, but you appear to have left out something." The leader of The Logic Jukeboxes said in reply.(3)
"And what would that be, Shibi-san?" Seeing the fact that Jinso apparently respected him took the Aburame clan head by surprise for a bit. Jinso took this moment to refill his cup with wine and sip it slightly.
"You still have not explained who the woman beside you is." Shibi replied, gesturing to Amaterasu, who had currently been snuggling into her lover's side. Many of the women on the Shinobi Council had an "Awwwww!" moment. On the Civilian Council's side, however...
Well, let's just say that there was enough ogling to make Jiraiya uncomfortable.
"Yes, who is that woman?" Yet another blob of a civilian asked with lust in his eyes. Jinso's eyes turned into their dangerous yet entrancing mix of blood red and amber as he let out a feral growl towards the civilians.
"She is the only women that I have loved in a LONG, LONG time WHO HAS LOVED ME IN RETURN, so if you keep undressing her with your sick, perverted eyes, the Eunuches of Konoha Club WILL BE GAINING A LOT MORE MEMBERS TODAY!" The choconette growled with a throaty voice, protecting Amaterasu like a male canine would his mate. Most of them were afraid to offend this monster given flesh, but one was too stupid to resist. Fear is the bane of all man's psyche, and the only way to let it go...is to be foolish enough to ignore it.
"How dare you speak to us that way! We are the Council of Konoha! We choose what separates a man from the beasts below him in this hidden village!" A foolish councilman shouted indignantly. Despite his attempts to rile his fellow councilors, it did not work. Jinso had finished sipping the last of his glass and held it to the side. The choconette narrowed his ethereal eyes, which were still a mix of blood red and amber, and spoke in a haunting tone.
"What is the difference between a man and the beast he has killed if both acted the same?" Jinso questioned sagely.
"The difference is that man will always be better!"
"Any man, no matter who he is or what he has done, is better than even the mightiest dragon?"
"Yes I do! Even if a dragon is noble, it is still a mindless beast that should bow before the strongest race: humans! We are smarter, we are greater in numbers, and therefore we are better!"
"You say that humans are better. How do you know that for certain?" Jinso asked him.
"I know it because I can understand the natural order of things! I am above you!"
"You understand so very little...In this world of shinobi, those with power are above the rest. The Hokage is the strongest ninja in the village, and he has rule over everyone in it. That is what you do not understand. You do not know how things work in the shinobi world because you are but a civilian who chose to stay away from the path of duty and sacrifice." Jinso said.
"Does it matter? I am above you, simple as that!"
"You know nothing of where you stand in this world...One who knows nothing can understand nothing...(4a)And if one can understand nothing, then he is of no use alive as he is dead. You proclaim that man is superior than beast, but have you considered what a man could be?"
"Why should I? Man is far greater than any beast in existence! Do you know what a man is, or are you blinded by your love for that monster you live with?" The idiot replied with a sneer.
"The boy I live with is not a monster. He is a far greater human than you could ever dream of being."
"That boy is a monster! There are cults that worship him and wish to pay him tribute! He steals the souls of men and makes them his slaves!"
"Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...Naruto is a savior compared to the likes of you." Jinso told him, drinking the last drops of wine in his glass.
"If he is a savior, then we are all doomed! We do not need a savior such as him! It should be a man, not a monster!" Jinso sneered at the fool.
"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!"(4b) Jinso threw his glass to the side after the first sentence, letting it shatter on the ground. The god stood up, eyes still narrowed towards the councilor.
"By what you have said, you are essentially indicating that the Inuzuka are not human, but rather wild dogs who slobber and drool; that the Nara are the same as the deer that live amongst their clan's property; that all Aburame are the same as but one of the bugs that inhabits their bodies! You are essentially making claims that every shinobi who lives in this village is nothing but a wild animal, and all the civilians are mankind!" The Clan Heads, along with Sarutobi, Jinso, Naruto, and Amaterasu all glared openly at the foolish councilor who had spoken.
"And what if I am?" The moron said bravely. Every single ninja drew whatever weapons were on their persons.
"Then universal law would see fit to proclaim that the beast shall ALWAYS be mightier than the man!" Tsume snarled out. Jinso grinned at that thought.
"I completely agree, Tsume-san. If beasts are mightier, we should give man a reason to FEAR THEM!" As he spoke the last two words, Jinso got on all fours and let out a mighty and vicious howl. All the skin on his body began to turn into thick brown fur. His mouth elongated into a snout that was filled with razor sharp fangs. His eyes remained their ethereal mix while a tail grew out from his backside. Two brown wolf ears perked up on his transformed head. Jinso's hands and feet were turned in sharp claws. Gold markings shone from all over Jinso's body, most of them looking like fire. He had turned into a wolf.
"Do you fear me now, Councilor?" Jinso asked in a growling voice as he began walking towards the councilor. Once he got to their area, Jinso hopped up and landed right in front of the foolish man.
"You said that man is mightier than any beast...Yet I can smell your fear...It envelops you...like a cloak of false hope that's covered in holes...And it smells delicious...Like a feast for all who wish to partake..." Jinso said with an evil grin, revealing his ivory fangs. The Councils watched as Jinso circled the frightened man, like a wolf that has cornered its prey. How ironic.
"Y-You don't s-sc-scare me!"
"Oh, really? Then what is this foul liquid I see dripping down the side of your pants? What is that clear substance rolling down your forehead as I speak? The stammer in your voice? If I do not scare you, then why do you not take action? Maybe you are paralyzed, like the rabbit who has stared into the eyes of a snake...Perhaps you have come to realize that your pitiful existence may soon be extinguished like the dying flame of a candle...And perhaps you have come to realize that I might be the hand which snuffs the dying fire that is your life..." The amount of 'Alpha Male' pheromones Jinso was releasing was making Amaterasu shudder in delight.
'If the situation wasn't so dire, I would take him home and have him fuck me into oblivion...'
"I can see your past...I can see your future...I know all that you have done and will do...You cannot escape the one who is searching for you...Many have tried to escape Death's hand...and all of them have failed...You don't know when he will be coming for you...but he will...And your pitiful time in this mortal plane will come to an end...But just know that when Death arrives...I will be there to deliver you unto him..."
"F-F-Fucking demon! Y-You and y-your d-de-demon brother sh-should return to h-hell where y-y-you belong!" The Councilor spat as best he could, not realizing he had signed his own death certificate in pen.
"I see how it is now...I assure you...I am not a demon...nor is my little brother who has been sitting with me the entire time...But you have just broken a high-class law that is punishable by death...How fitting that you who have told me to go to hell shall be arriving there yourself..." Jinso turned to the Hokage.
"Hiruzen-san...may I do the honors?" The wolf/god asked him.
"By all means." Hiruzen replied, waving his hands in a 'go ahead' motion.
"H-Hokage-sama!" The foolish Councilor tried to appeal to the Village Leader.
"In a shinobi village, the leader's word is law...He said you have the death penalty...I am merely the being who will enforce the spoken law...Now, before I send your wretched soul to the plains of Hell...might I ask your name?"
"F-F-Fuck you!"
"His name is Jansu Usaita." Hiruzen replied.
"Well, then...Jansu Usaita...I told you that I would deliver unto Death your mortal soul...Your life is like the clock of a tower...It continues the same path until it finally stops in the twilight of your existence with a fearsome ring from its bell...And Death is the one who lets it chime upon your last minutes..." Fear grew present in the once brave councilor's eyes.
"N-No! P-Pl-Please!" Usaita stared at his approaching killer, fear in his cowardly eyes as the shadow of Death loomed behind Jinso.
"For whom does the bell toll? It tolls for THEE!"(4c) On the last word, Jinso stopped circling the man and bit the sides of his head, but not deep enough to kill him. A shriek of agony was let out as Jinso ripped the man's head and spine out of his body. Most of the civilians revealed what their lunches were at the sight of this. Blood sprayed like a fountain from the hole that was once the head of Jansu Usaita. His dead body collapsed on the ground while his still screaming head was in between Jinso's jaws. The wolf/god tossed the head beside its body and reared his snout back. Moving it forward, he let out a breath of fire that quickly consumed the body, also removing the stench and blood.
Jinso quickly went back to Amaterasu and Naruto, and transformed back into a human. All his fur was gone, along with his tails and ears. However, the white wife beater Jinso had been wearing was torn to pieces, so he decided to go shirtless for the rest of the meeting, showcasing his athletic and toned body. After quickly cleaning the blood from his mouth, the meeting continued. Jinso snapped his fingers, and the glass that he had thrown on the ground reformed itself and floated into his waiting hand.
Once more, he got wide-eyed stares and gawks from the two separate councils. Letting out a sigh, Jinso spoke as he poured himself more wine.
"I'm assuming you are all wondering just how I made the wine glass reform by itself. That's another power of mine."
"You can reform broken objects at will?" A person on the Shinobi Council asked. Jinso finished pouring his wine and set the bottle on the ground.
"Not necessarily. The entirety of the power is metaphysical and incorporeal manipulation."
"Incorporeal? You mean things like ghosts and spirits?" Tsume asked.
"Correct. I can essentially manipulate any form of matter I choose, but I prefer use it for inanimate objects. Trying to fix a broken wagon is much harder if the horse is still pulling it, you know. The incorporeal part I use more for helping the dead find peace." Jinso continued.
"Would you mind giving us an example?" Hiruzen asked.
"I'm sorry, but I would prefer not to show off all the skills in my arsenal. I am a shinobi, you know. Deception is my greatest ally." Jinso replied after taking yet another sip of his wine.
"I understand, J-san."
"That reminds me...since your arrival to Konoha and until now, you have not told us your name. Instead, the Hokage merely calls you 'J-san'. Why is that?" Hyuuga Hiashi asked.
"I prefer not to give my name to those who I do not want to say it. In the ninja world, information is your lover and deception is your best friend. You should know that, being a shinobi yourself." Jinso told him. The Hyuuga Clan Head nodded in understanding. Jinso chugged his wine before speaking once more.
"Well, if there is no other subject that needs to be discussed, I will be on my way home." With an appreciative nod from the Hokage, Jinso his couch, glass, and wine bottle, and left for home with Amaterasu and Naruto.
At least, he intended to...
But, of course, there were some of the generic flamer civilians that some authors on Fanfiction bash the living hell out of and make them call for Naruto's head on a silver platter coincidentally standing just about 2 yards from Naruto's home, which was enough that two people could go inside before they stopped anyone else, pissed off that they had no power for their homes and no working lights with which to see.
"Look! It's the demon! Let's get it while the Hokage doesn't know!" A random piece of cannon fodder shouted while pointing. The group suddenly drew pitchforks and torches out of what seemed to be their asses while Jinso sighed.
"Naruto, do you mind taking Amaterasu inside for a second? I've got to take out the garbage for the sanitation units." Naruto nodded and went inside, holding Amaterasu's hand like a child would hold his mother's when crossing the street. Jinso gave a stern look to the mob.
"Look, can you morons lay the fuck off for just one day? I just hopped through the fucking barriers of two different dimensions in one day, and it causes more jet lag than you'll ever feel in all of your lives combined! So leave me alone and go be dicks to some other person!" The choconette shouted with a pulsing vein on his forehead. The mob went quiet for a second. They seemed WAY to quiet to be a generic angry mob filled with idiots...
"Let's kill the demon lover instead!"
There we go! Jinso let a growl escape his throat.
"You dumbasses just don't learn, do you?" He asked rhetorically. Drawing his golden katana, Jinso pressed a button on the hilt, causing the steel blade to turn into a beam of pure energy.
(A/N: THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS! JINSO HAS A FUCKING LIGHTSABER, AND HE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! Well, actually, he has two, BUT THOSE MORONS AREN'T WORTH HIM USING IT!)
The foolish cannon fodder raced towards Jinso, intent on hurting him.
Bitch, please!
The blade of pure energy that was Jinso's sword sliced and diced them like the knife of a stereotypical sushi chef through the fish he cuts. One fool raced towards him, but Jinso merely punted the man into the hospital. In a matter of seconds, only one of the civilians left from the mob was standing before him. Jinso held his lightsaber back lazily, letting it glow brightly before charging the civilian. The energy blade pierced the man's stomach and went out his back as Jinso whispered in his ear.
"Time for you to sleep..." Grasping the handle of his energy blade, Jinso threw the man in the air, jumped up right beside him, kicked him higher, and then slammed him down, making a crater in the earth. Right then, Jinso's lightsaber pierced the hole exactly the same as before. Said choconette landed in a crouch on the handle of his lightsaber, pushing the now dead moron further into the dirt.(5)
Six feet under, indeed.
Jinso somersaulted off of the handle and pulled it back, swinging the lightsaber in a circle before changing the energy stream back to a gold blade. With a flourish, the golden katana was back in its scabbard.
"Another day, another group of morons dead..." Jinso muttered as he walked inside.
Omake- After the Credits are Done
"Aaaaaand cut!" The clip...thing snapped in front of the camera, cutting it off.
"Alright, good work everybody! That's it for today!" Jinso Kitsune-kun said as he walked on the set.
"Thank god! I thought I'd melt in this hakama if we didn't finish soon!" Naruto said with an exasperated sigh while tugging the collar of his hakama.
"You guys all did great on this one, especially you, Naruto, Jinso, and Amaterasu! Nice touch with the use of Henry's insta-kill move from No More Heroes, might I add!" The author complimented.
"It comes naturally." Jinso said with a shrug.
"Alright, guys! I need you all to be here again tomorrow so we can work on the next chapter!" Jinso Kitsune-kun announced.
"Hey, when are Minato-kun and I gonna be in-ttebane?" Kushina asked with a whine. Jinso held up a clipboard and began scrolling through the pages.
"Let's see...Ah, there we go! Minato and Kushina, you two are both going to be appearing multiple times in the next chapter, most of them flashbacks, though."
"Aww! Wait, you said most of them! Does that mean we get to appear in person in the next chapter?" Minato questioned.
"Sorry, but you'll just have to look over your script and see for yourselves!" Jinso Kitsune-kun told them with a maniacal cackle.
"Hey, wait a minute...there's still a red dot on the camera screen!" One of the extras pointed out.
"WHAT!" Jinso Kitsune-kun suddenly yelled. He ran over to the camera and looked at it closely.
"Shit! Turn the camera off now!" The author said to a random person.
"But I don't know how! I'm just the guy that holds the boom mic!" Jinso Kitsune-kun facepalmed.
"Minato, if you would kindly help me out..." The Yondaime then grabbed the camera and shoved a Rasengan right into the lens, destroying the lens entirely, but also cutting the feed.
END OMAKE
Damn that was a long chapter!
(1): If you have not played Okami, Issun's motto is "Leap before you think!"
(2): I based Amaterasu's outfit on a drawing I saw of a female Dovahkiin.
(3): This was a nickname I once thought up for the Aburame. They all use logic so often that it's like they are jukeboxes that only spout logical statements. Hence, 'The Logic Jukeboxes'!
(4): I've been waiting to use these quotes for a LONG time! ;D
(5): This is Henry's insta-kill move from the REAL final battle of No More Heroes. You can only fight him if you have all of the beam katanas.
14,233 words! Sweet Kami, that's a lot!
Well, this has been another chapter of DOEG, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and see ya soon!
Ja Ne!
