Operation: Santa's Elves

Chapter Four

(Jonesn)


"Did you actually just refer to Mr. Nibbles as my pussy?" The angry angel asks as Edward sets the tree upright on its stand. Crossing one hand over the other, they barely cover the impressive, green bulge he's trying to hide protruding from between his legs. A fact not gone unnoticed by the sleepy beauty standing at the ready in front of him. But before he can get in another word, he's seeing double.

"Mommy, what was that noise?" Little Bethany asks, rubbing her tired eyes as she rounds the corner into the living room. She takes in the mess of busted bulbs and scattered tinsel, then sucks in a short breath as her wide eyes meet a pair of shiny, black boots. "Santa, is that you?" she asks, pushing past her mother's outstretched arm and heading straight for Ty. "Did you get my letter? I swear I've been good. Were you able to find everything on the list?" The kid barely takes a breath. "It's okay if you didn't. I really just want the book. Did you at least find the book?"

The book little Bethany is referring to is a first edition, The Velveteen Rabbit. (The one thing on the list Edward couldn't find, let alone afford).

Was this adorable, little kid crazy? Didn't she realize the elves made the toys? And a book was hardly a toy. Not to mention, with the economy circling the toilet the way it was, Santa was on a budget.

"Uh..." Ty looks to Edward who just shakes his head and shrugs. Trusty elf, his ass. A lot of help he is. Bending down to Bethany's level, Ty says, "I guess you'll just have to wait till morning and see, like all the other little boys and girls."

Edward's big heart practically breaks. She's going to be so disappointed, he thinks, unclasping his hands from in front of his crotch, the problem he had now long gone. His eyes lift to catch Bella's shimmering in the twinkling Christmas lights. Momentarily holding his stare, she lowers it just in time to catch a tear.

Reaching up, Bethany tangles her fingers into Ty's bushy beard and surprisingly avoids pulling on it.

"Did you just get back from vacation?" she asks, prompting Ty to say in return, "Well, yes I did. Why do you ask?"

Brown eyes filled with holiday mirth, she scans Ty's face with a thoughtful look. "Cause Aunt Alice always comes back from vacation with a tan. She says it's the whole reason for going, to bask in the sun and bake brown as a bear."

"Bethany!" Bella scolds, and Ty holds up a hand, both him and Edward trying not to laugh out loud.

"That's okay, ma'am," Ty says. "Ain't nothing wrong with a little honesty." He turns his attention back to Bethany. "Didn't your mommy ever tell you Santa's black?" He asks, and she shakes her head. "Just what I feared. You've been brain washed by your people." Patting her on the head, he straightens and tucks his thumbs into his belt. "Since we're being honest," he continues to Edward's dismay. "I feel I should tell you that my trusty elf here was just telling me how cute he thinks y-"

"Welp, we really should get going." Edward interrupts, a look of warning on his face. "It's getting pretty late, and we've got a lot of toys left to deliver... Right, Santa?"

Ty smugly adjusts his belt. "I suppose you're right," he says, before pulling a contact card from inside his pocket and handing it to the little girl. "You or your mom need anything," he says, "and I mean anything, you give that number a call. Alright?"

Nodding, Bethany's takes the card from between his fingers. Her and Ty both exchange a sly smile and a wink before he takes off, assisting Edward in a sad excuse for clean up as they both head for the door.

Ty speaks for both him and a tongue-tied Edward as they pass. "Evening ma'am, terribly sorry for the mess."

Once they're outside, being peppered by powdery white snow, Edward's finally able to breathe. "So, that was a disaster," he says, climbing into the driver's side. Nodding, Ty smiles and climbs in after him.

"Brain washed by your people?" Edward muses. Ty only shrugs. Edward shakes his head. "What did you give her anyway? The number to your sister's cleaning service?" Edward asks, letting Ty buckle up before pulling away from the curb. He nearly crashes into an oncoming salt truck when Ty tells him, "Nope. I gave her yours."


I've been watching too much Key & Peele.

Guess who's up next!