Suuuuper rough edit. I just wanted to get this posted. Sorry for any mistakes and hope you like! Thanks Sheepish123 for letting me vent a little while I was figuring out what to do with this one...


"I can't…" Claudia says, her voice wobbly and just barely more than a whisper.

Amanda hangs her head, silent as she watches the shaken woman pace nervously in front of the picture window in her sparsely decorated living room. Between them, Olivia sits on the edge of a small couch, her hands clasped together and resting between her knees.

They'd decided on the way over here that Olivia would take the lead for this conversation. Victims always tended to respond better to the older woman's display of compassion and understanding, and though Claudia had initially bonded with Amanda, the younger detective thought Olivia might have better luck in convincing her to testify.

"I'm sorry," Claudia chokes out. "I just—I can't do it. I can't… I can't…"

The more the young woman thinks about the prospect of telling her story in court, the more hysterical she gets and Olivia leans forward as a chorus of frantic I can't's begin to fill the room. The brunette resists the urge to go to the other woman, knowing that she wouldn't want to be touched, opting instead to hold her hands out in what she hopes is a calming gesture. "Claudia," she calls gently. She waits until tear-filled gray eyes are fixed on her before she continues. "Don't be sorry, okay? This is…" Olivia grimaces, shaking her head. "This is not ideal. I…" she shrugs, "I get that. Testifying is your choice here, okay? Nobody can make you."

"Okay." Claudia's voice is small but she gives the older woman an emphatic nod of understanding. The room falls into a slightly uncomfortable silence as Olivia and Amanda give her time to digest, and they watch as she crosses an arm over her midsection, bringing her free hand up to her lips. Claudia nervously gnaws on a fingernail as she fixes her forlorn gaze out the window and to the street below.

"I certainly don't mean to put any pressure on you," Olivia begins, "But I do need to tell you…" She pauses and takes a deep breath, meeting Claudia's eyes when the younger woman turns to look at her. "Right now, with the evidence we have...the best way to make sure the man who did this to you goes to prison…is—"

"—To testify," Claudia finishes for her, her tone flat.

Amanda's eyes fall shut as Claudia turns her back on them completely, and she can feel the dejection in Olivia's body language as the brunette's shoulders fall slightly. She steps forward, gripping the back of the couch Olivia sits on to curb the urge to comfort the older woman, and focuses her attention on Claudia.

"I know this is hard, honey," Amanda begins, powering through even when the younger woman scoffs in response. "This has been a painful process. You gotta live what happened to you over and over again… And the thought of doin' it even one more time is awful. I understand. Believe me, I do. But," Amanda shrugs one shoulder, "It might help you to get some closure—"

"—And it might send him to prison," Claudia interjects, turning around to face the Lieutenant and Detective. "But, y'know, it also might not," she adds. Her voice holds no venom; only fact. Fact that neither Amanda nor Olivia can dispute, knowing as intimately as they do that the justice system isn't always just. "Look," Claudia starts, running a hand through tangled hair. "I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me, but I just can't…" Her voice cracks and she shakes her head, taking a minute to breathe before continuing. "I'm already going to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, so it doesn't really matter whether he's in prison or not, does it?"

Olivia sighs. "I'm sorry, Claudia." She doesn't know what else to say and knows that even an apology pales in comparison to what she wishes she could tell this young woman; what she so desperately needs to hear.

Claudia nods but it's a gesture of acknowledgement more than it is acceptance, and she wipes at her eyes as she moves toward the door. "I think you guys should go," she says softly.

"Okay."

Olivia pushes herself up off the couch and follows Amanda to the door. Just before she crosses the threshold onto the stoop after the blonde, she pauses, turning to lock eyes with the teary younger woman and trying for a small smile. "I just want you to know… it does get better."

"That's easy for you to say," Claudia sniffles. Olivia watches the other woman's eyes widen, seemingly surprised by her own words, and she tries to convey understanding with her eyes. She knows that urge to lash out and she doesn't begrudge Claudia for feeling like she needs to. This moment, regardless of the fact that they're all on the same side, is the only thing Claudia feels like she can control right now, and that's a hard thing to let go of when you're violated as deeply as she was.

With another small smile, Olivia steps fully onto the stoop to join Amanda, holding Claudia's gaze until the other woman shuts the door. When they hear the locks engage, both release weary sighs and Amanda looks over at her boss, finding it hard to believe it was mere hours ago that she'd woken up in the other woman's arms. Already, it felt like it had been days and there was little, if anything, the blonde wanted to do more than crawl into those arms again.

Shoving her hands in her pockets to stifle that urge, Amanda heaves a deep sigh and squares her shoulders, footsteps heavy as she trudges down the steps and toward the car. Just before she's out of earshot of the older woman, she mutters, "I really hate this job sometimes."

Olivia's heart drops when Amanda's soft utterance makes its way to her ears. She had known that Claudia's case was getting to the Detective; could feel the helplessness radiating off of her in the townhouse with Claudia. She wants to wrap her arms around the younger woman and hold her, letting the 'Lieutenant' and 'Detective' in them be damned, even if just for a little while. But, she knows she can't. Not here; not while they're on duty. So, releasing a sigh of her own, she follows the path Amanda had taken to the car, knowing that while this is the first time the job will get in the way of their burgeoning personal relationship, it most certainly will not be the last.

"Me, too."


Olivia looks over at Amanda as they make their way through busy New York streets, their early start meaning they were catching the tail end of rush hour—assuming it ever stopped—as they made their way downtown to Barba's office. Two failed attempts to get the ADA on the phone meant that they were paying him an in-person visit and hoping for good news about Claudia's case. The younger woman was pensive, quiet; her elbow perched on the driver door and her left hand cradling the side of her head as she maneuvers the car one-handed.

"Hey," the brunette calls softly. She holds her hand out palm up on the center console, wiggling her fingers enticingly and smiling when Amanda shifts so she can hold the older woman's hand with her right and drive with her left. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Amanda says after a brief pause. Her attention never strays from the road ahead, but feeling the unmistakable sensation of the other woman's gaze on her, she gives Olivia's hand a gentle squeeze and lets her thumb stroke the brunette's.

This touch, however simple, is a lifeline of sorts for the blonde; even if it's a far cry from the contact she's already grown to crave from Olivia, it's a tether to the life they're slowly beginning to build together, separate from the job. After an emotionally grueling morning, she'll take what she can get.

"I'm okay."


Barba's assistant looks up from her computer screen as they approach. "Hi, Lieutenant. Detective."

"Hi Carmen," Olivia smiles warmly. "Is he in?" she asks, pointing to the closed doors that lead into the ADA's office.

Carmen shakes her head. "He had an evidentiary hearing this morning, but it should be wrapping up soon," she explains. "You can wait for him inside if you like."

"Thank you."

Amanda nods her thanks as she follows Olivia inside, shedding her jacket at the conference table before pacing back and forth along the far wall opposite the ADA's desk.

For a few minutes, Olivia watches from where she'd settled in the corner of Barba's couch; brown eyes moving back and forth, never leaving Amanda's frame as the blonde takes a few steps in one direction before stopping and abruptly changing course back the other way. She watches Amanda run a hand through her fine blonde hair, tousling the strands before settling her hands on her hips, her pacing increasing in speed.

If she continues like this, Olivia thinks, she'll wear a hole in Barba's fancy rug.

"Amanda," the Lieutenant finally calls softly. She pats the spot next to her and smiles invitingly when the younger woman looks her way. "Come here."

The detective rolls her eyes, but Olivia can see that she's also fighting back a smile as she makes her way over to the couch, plopping heavily onto the cushion beside the older woman. She's closer to Olivia than she would've been if this scene were playing out a week ago, but she finds that it's not close enough; she craves the proximity of the other woman.

With a sigh, Amanda leans against the back cushion, lolling her head to face the brunette. "I'm fine, Liv. I promise," she says softly.

Olivia smiles and shifts so her back is against the armrest and she's facing the younger woman, her knee pressed to the side of Amanda's thigh. "I know," she says. She waits a beat before continuing, "You were starting to make me dizzy." She finishes on a wink and Amanda snorts a laugh before sobering, her eyes following Olivia's hand as it takes hers, tracing the lines on her palm.

They're both silent for a moment. Despite Amanda's assurances that she is okay, Olivia knows her well enough to understand that what happened at Claudia's apartment this morning was weighing on the younger woman. She can't force the blonde to talk to her, but she can be there for her.

Finally, she feels blue eyes settle on her and she looks up from her ministrations on the blonde's hand. "Do you think I should've told her? About Patton?"

Olivia cocks her head to the side and regards the other woman. Still gripping Amanda's hand with one of hers, she brings her other arm to rest along the back of the couch, fingers lightly playing with loose strands of blonde hair, lightly grazing Amanda's forehead as she lovingly pushes her bangs aside.

"Do you think I should've told her about Lewis?" Olivia counters softly.

Amanda's brow furrows and she squeezes Olivia's hand in hers. "That's your story, Liv. It's up to you whether you want to tell it or not. I'd never-"

"It's the same thing for you, Amanda," Olivia interrupts with a smile. She tenderly caresses the apple of Amanda's cheek with the pad of her thumb. "It's completely up to you whether you want to share what happened to you with anyone, ever… I'd never, either," she finishes gently.

The blonde physically deflates, melting further into the couch as though the weight of her internal conundrum had melted off of her shoulders thanks to Olivia's assurances. She smiles softly at the older woman, eyes fluttering as the brunette continues feather-light caresses on her cheek.

After a long moment of silence, blue eyes locked on brown as if by some magnetic force, Olivia squeezes the other woman's hand. "Can I tell you something?"

Amanda lifts her eyebrows and shifts a tiny bit closer to the older woman. "Of course."

Olivia bites her lip, brown eyes moving to watch her fingers as they thread through blonde hair. She's not sure what's gotten into her; this whole interaction with the detective is blurring the line between co-workers and lovers in a way she swore to herself she wouldn't let happen while they were on the clock. Despite knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that they could (and probably would) get interrupted at any moment, she feels powerless to stop whatever is happening here, the pull she feels toward the younger woman.

It's as if that day in the warehouse obliterated every last shred of her self-control where Amanda was concerned. The pandora's box of her feelings had been opened. Now more than ever, she knew there was no going back now—especially since she can't seem to keep her hands off the other woman.

"Liv?"

Amanda's voice brings her back to the present, and her eyes dart back to blue, where she can see concern swirling amid the curiosity in the detective's gaze. She smiles. "I've wanted to kiss you since you walked into the squad room this morning," Olivia confesses. Her voice is a husky whisper, and she can't help the way her eyes flit downward to Amanda's lips following her declaration.

"Oh yeah?" Amanda's grip unconsciously tightens around the older woman's hand as Olivia nods, teeth sexily biting into her plump lower lip. The blonde's eyes are drawn to this action, and she desperately wishes it was her teeth sinking into the other woman's lip. "Right back at ya, Lieutenant," Amanda drawls, her body leaning forward to close the small distance between their bodies.

"Barba…" Olivia breathes in warning as Amanda's lips hover over her own.

It's a last-ditch, half-hearted reminder of where they are, but Amanda doesn't care. "...isn't here," she finishes, determinedly sealing her lips over the brunette's before Olivia can offer any further argument. She feels a soft moan vibrate against her mouth and slender fingers weave through her hair before drifting to the back of her head, holding her in place against the older woman's mouth as they kiss deeply. Their lips separate with a smack and Amanda lets go of Olivia's hand in favor of cupping the older woman's cheek as she leans back in, tilting her head and parting her lips to deepen the contact. She feels the wetness of Olivia's tongue tease her lip and she opens her mouth wider in an invitation that the brunette readily accepts.

Their tongues tangle once, then twice, before the door behind Olivia bursts open and they separate hurriedly. Amanda scrambles to the center of the couch, wiping at her lips and fixing her hair as Barba strides purposefully toward his desk, his back to the two women.

"Please tell me you have good news," he says brusquely, foregoing greetings and still not facing them as he removes his jacket and begins rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt.

Olivia takes a deep breath and stands, moving to lean against a chair at his conference table. "You first," she says evenly, stalling.

"Unduly prejudicial," he mutters succinctly, finally looking up to meet Olivia's eyes and ignoring the way Amanda's head drops to the back of the couch in frustration. "We have nothing tying him specifically to the other girls. Only descriptions that could be him. We need more. Now," he sits in his chair, leans back and props his feet up, fixing his gaze on Amanda first, then Olivia. "Please. Tell me you got somewhere with Claudia."


"Well that was fun," Amanda says dryly as they walk out of 1 Hogan Place and head toward the car, parked half a block up.

"He's just frustrated."

"No shit, Liv," Amanda retorts, glancing sideways at the older woman. "We all are."

"That's the nature of the job," Olivia mutters, shaking her head and shoving her hands in her pockets. "We all do the best we can and sometimes," she shrugs, "it's just not enough."

"It sucks," the blonde concludes, grumbling stubbornly.

"I know," Olivia says softly, nudging the blonde with her elbow as they approach the sedan.

They stop near the trunk and Amanda turns to look at the older woman. "So, now what?" she asks, shrugging her shoulders and leaning her hip against the back of the car.

Olivia knows the blonde is referring more to the case, to Claudia, but as Barba just drilled into them, there's not much they can do to move forward without Claudia's testimony. She steps off the sidewalk, twisting her watch around her wrist to check the time. "It's not quite noon," she reports. "What do you say we grab some lunch and then head back to the house and see how far the boys have gotten on that domestic you picked up last night?"

At the mention of the night before, Amanda's eyes darken and she steps closer to the brunette, glancing to her left and right to be sure they haven't captured the attention of anyone on the sidewalk. She reaches a hand out and grabs the edge of the older woman's jacket, tugging gently as she takes another small step into Olivia's personal space—not too close, but close enough to see that the Lieutenant's breathing is more labored than it was mere moments ago.

Amanda cocks her head to the side, her lips turning up into a sultry smirk before she murmurs in playful agreement, "I could eat."

The brunette snorts out a laugh, backing away from the younger woman with a smile as she rounds the car toward the driver door. Eyeing Amanda over the roof of the car as the detective pulls the passenger door open, Olivia spies the smug look on the blonde's face and chuckles. "I bet you could."


"It doesn't look like you guys had much luck," Olivia observes as she and Amanda breeze into the squad room an hour later to find Fin and Carisi leaned back in their respective chairs, the vibe relaxed.

"Yes and no," Fin answers cryptically.

"Okay, what does that mean?" Olivia raises her eyebrows expectantly, perching on the edge of Carisi's desk as Amanda settles at her own across the aisle. The Lieutenant's gaze drifts between her male detectives, waiting for one of them to fill her in.

"Turns out, the boyfriend," Fin uses air quotes, "is actually a female roommate-slash-girlfriend," he shares, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Well," Amanda hedges, "DV isn't exclusively a hetero issue…"

"No, it's not," Olivia agrees, turning her attention back to Fin. "Any priors?"

The older man shakes his head. "Neighbors said there's been a lot of loud fights, but last night was the first time the cops had been called."

"And how did we not know before that the assailant was the female roommate?"

"Rookie uniform filled out the paperwork," Carisi explains tersely. "Only included the name Gabe—no pronouns—and Gabe was not at the scene when officers responded last night."

"Wow," Olivia shakes her head. "Okay… Did you guys circle back with the vic?"

"Doesn't want to press charges," Fin says.

"Dammit," Olivia mutters, briefly locking eyes with Amanda and seeing her own frustration reflected back in the blonde's gaze.

"Speaking of," Carisi prompts, looking between Olivia and Amanda. "How'd you guys make out?"

It's an innocuous question, but Olivia looks away quickly, fighting the hot blush she can feel rising in her chest at the memories it conjures; memories of the blonde directing her to park a little further away from the precinct than normal when they had returned, stealing heated kisses from the older woman before their alone time came to an end.

She can't even look at Amanda, knowing the blonde is likely fighting the same reaction.

"Uh," she clears her throat, pushing her hand behind her ear. "She doesn't want to testify," she shakes her head regretfully.

"Damn," Fin says softly. "And Barba couldn't get those other IDs in?"

"'Unduly prejudicial,'" Amanda bites out bitterly in confirmation.

"So we got two cases and no cooperating complainants," Carisi sums up, looking at Olivia. "Where does that leave us?"

"Waiting," she declares, rising from the edge of his desk and making her way to her own office. "And that means today a good day for paperwork—before those stacks get so high you can't see each other anymore."


Amanda isn't at her desk when Olivia leaves her office a few hours later, and the brunette releases a small sigh of relief as she strides toward the bathroom. The latter half of the day seems to be dragging on so slowly, and it feels like torture to be able to see Amanda through the blinds in her office but not be able to touch her. Conversely, she's mildly thankful for a quiet day and the reprieve from having to be out in the squad room with her detectives.

This thing between her and Amanda—it's so new, so…undefined still. She feels like she's overcompensating, trying to make it seem like nothing has changed when in reality, so much has. Just the few minutes of debriefing earlier made her wonder whether she'd looked at the blonde too much, or not enough, trying not to arouse the suspicion of her other detectives.

And then there was that kiss in Barba's office… Her cheeks grow warm just thinking about it and she mentally scolds herself for the lack of control. Too many close calls like that and getting caught would only be a matter of when, not if.

They would need to be more careful.

Olivia pushes open the door to the ladies' room, stopping short when she meets familiar blue eyes in the mirror.

That explains why she wasn't at her desk, the brunette thinks dryly.

"Lieutenant," Amanda greets. Her lips curl into a knowing smile as she turns, resting her hip against the sink and faces the older woman. It's as if she can read the struggle going on in Olivia's mind as she tries to deal with their sudden proximity and solitude.

"Amanda." Olivia lets the door shut before leaning back against it, feeling almost shy under the the other woman's unabashed gaze. "Don't look at me like that," she warns with a smirk.

"How am I looking at you?"

Sparing a quick glance at that bathroom stalls to ensure they are alone, Olivia shakes her head, opting to answer safely instead of the more provocative way she was originally thinking, "Never mind." Olivia moves toward the stalls, but stops when Amanda's hand reaches out and grasps her wrist before tangling their fingers. "Amanda…"

"I know it's hard," the blonde interjects, squeezing the other woman's hand as she steps closer. "It is for me, too."

Neither speaks as Amanda moves even closer still, bringing her free hand up to hook a finger in the neckline of Olivia's blouse. She tugs the material down, just enough to expose the small discoloration on the side of the older woman's breast. Amanda smirks at the sight of it.

"You look so proud of yourself," Olivia chuckles shakily.

Amanda shrugs. "You have no idea how...hot it is to see that mark on you...and know that I put it there."

Suddenly, it feels like it's about a thousand degrees in the small bathroom and Amanda leans closer, smiling inwardly when she sees Olivia's breath catch. She moves in slowly and presses her lips to the Lieutenant's breast, letting her tongue dart out to lick the mark before she pulls back and smoothes Olivia's blouse back into place.

She backs away from the older woman and toward the door, her gaze never straying from dark eyes swirling with arousal before she pulls the door open a crack and winks over her shoulder.

"Back to work, Lieutenant."

Amanda's phone buzzes in her pocket before she even gets back to her desk and she smirks to herself, knowing even before she looks that it's going to be Olivia.

She swipes to open the message, pressing her thumb down to unlock the phone before their thread pops up on her screen. The message is just three words, but it's enough to send all the moisture in her body southward and instantly make however many hours that are left in this day nearly unbearable.

Come over tonight.


100% not my best work, so I'm sorry for that. BUT I've set up the chapter I think you all have been waiting for, so show me in the reviews that you're still into this story and we'll get this party started :)